11

Have psycho T readyHave psycho T readyHandouts (pic & write-up)Handouts (pic & write-up)

Between red slides is one hour of Between red slides is one hour of session.session.

Thomas.mcintyre@hunter.cuny.eduThomas.mcintyre@hunter.cuny.edu

22

““Do Now” ActivityDo Now” ActivityThink of an argumentThink of an argument//battle that you got into battle that you got into with with someone someone (student, spouse, colleague)(student, spouse, colleague) that that lasted lasted more than a few sentences.more than a few sentences.Did your actions become more heated and Did your actions become more heated and forceful as forceful as the other person failed to “give the other person failed to “give in”?in”?

THEN…THEN…Jot down notes that describe the sequence of Jot down notes that describe the sequence of events.events.

What action brought out the 1What action brought out the 1stst negative negative comment?comment?How then did the other person react?How then did the other person react?How did the 1How did the 1stst party respond to that 2 party respond to that 2ndnd person’s person’s action? action?

EtceteraEtcetera..

33

““Copy the material from the board.”Copy the material from the board.”Psycho-T videoPsycho-T video

In the short term In the short term (and long term)(and long term), who “won”, who “won”??– Were hearts & minds won overWere hearts & minds won over?? – Were relationships built & “trust bonds” cementedWere relationships built & “trust bonds” cemented??– Will the “show of force” “teach the kid a lesson”Will the “show of force” “teach the kid a lesson”??

Which teacher actions worsened the situationWhich teacher actions worsened the situation??

44

The Beatings Will ContinueThe Beatings Will ContinueUntil Morale ImprovesUntil Morale Improves..

““Getting toughGetting tough” with persistently defiant, non-compliant ” with persistently defiant, non-compliant kids is counter productive.kids is counter productive.

These youngsters don’t succumb to coercion…These youngsters don’t succumb to coercion…

Rather, they are incited by it.Rather, they are incited by it.

If our penalties are harsh & consistently applied,If our penalties are harsh & consistently applied, we might possibly be able to subdue the we might possibly be able to subdue the

rebellion rebellion & create a non-motivated, withdrawn kid& create a non-motivated, withdrawn kid(ala Driekurs’)(ala Driekurs’) …a hollow victory for …a hollow victory for

educators.educators.

55

Why Do Otherwise Caring Professionals Why Do Otherwise Caring Professionals

“Lose Their Cool” With These Kids“Lose Their Cool” With These Kids ?? (and colleagues, supervisors, & loved ones)(and colleagues, supervisors, & loved ones)

Inadequate training in respectful, supportive, non-Inadequate training in respectful, supportive, non-confrontational ways to manage behavior. confrontational ways to manage behavior.

Unappreciated or ineffective efforts drain our energy, Unappreciated or ineffective efforts drain our energy, make us doubt our competence, & build dislike make us doubt our competence, & build dislike

for for persistent offenders.persistent offenders.

Life events lower our ability to handle frustration.Life events lower our ability to handle frustration.

Their actions violate our value system.Their actions violate our value system.

Unresolved personal or professional issues of our own.Unresolved personal or professional issues of our own.

These circumstances can cause us toThese circumstances can cause us to

strike out at our students when theystrike out at our students when they

don’t quickly & fully comply don’t quickly & fully comply (stage 3)(stage 3) ..

66

Self Self discipline discipline

isn’t isn’t taught in taught in obediencobedience school.e school.

77

The ways of “tough teachers”:The ways of “tough teachers”: -aren’t needed with most kids, &-aren’t needed with most kids, &

-don’t work at all with the “difficult” ones.-don’t work at all with the “difficult” ones.

Skilled, knowledgeable & caring educators do Skilled, knowledgeable & caring educators do what what they’re paid to dothey’re paid to do::

TeachTeachInspireInspire

To promote positive behavior change & To promote positive behavior change & motivation, motivation, ““toughtough” stage-3 teachers must change ” stage-3 teachers must change to more to more effective & positive ways.effective & positive ways.

However, it’s hard to convince negative teachers of However, it’s hard to convince negative teachers of the faults of their ways.the faults of their ways.

They commonly respond withThey commonly respond with::

88

What ?!What ?!

Me Change?!Me Change?!

THEY’RETHEY’RE

the problem.the problem. (not me)(not me)..

99

It take two to tangle tangoIt take two to tangle tango

Might we be playing a role in:Might we be playing a role in:– Recurring situations?Recurring situations?– Escalating battles?Escalating battles?

Let’s look at the situation again and break it down…Let’s look at the situation again and break it down…

---------------

10

Stressor/Threat or Comforter from Adult

Student’s Experience

1.

2.

3.

1.

2.

3.

1.

2.

3.

1.

2.

3.Toward Self or Adult

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Teams:Teams: Using your “Student” diagram… Using your “Student” diagram…

Let’s watch the scenario develop again. It Let’s watch the scenario develop again. It opens with the student’s “observable action” opens with the student’s “observable action” (bottom disk on diagram)(bottom disk on diagram)..

What might have caused the stress What might have caused the stress (top disk)(top disk) & the & the secondary feelings that then developed from it secondary feelings that then developed from it (right side disk)(right side disk)??

How does the adult react to the observable behaviorHow does the adult react to the observable behavior??

Does the adult reaction reduce or increase Does the adult reaction reduce or increase psychological pressure on the studentpsychological pressure on the student??

12

Stressor/Threat or Comforter from Adult

“Psycho-Teacher”: Student’s Experience

1. Teacher angrily chastises & insults student’s failure to copy from board

2. More stress piled on

3. More stress placed on student

4. Stress reduced

1. Resentment builds from earlier incident that resulted in drawing.

2. Resentment increases

3. Hurt??

4. Relief & retaliation

1. Shows restraint, but remains off task

2. Student uses aggressive humor (“nap”)

3. Shuts out teacher

4. Leave classroom

1. Teacher continues chastisement & comparisons with others

2. Teacher continues insults & reminisces negatively (“another time of no work done”.

3. Teacher tells to leave (attempt to “win” OR wants “escape”?)

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End of Part 1End of Part 1About 50 min to 1 hour has elapsed to this point.About 50 min to 1 hour has elapsed to this point.

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Your “Do Now” ActivityYour “Do Now” Activity((You wouldn’t fail to engage in something that you require You wouldn’t fail to engage in something that you require

your students to do at the beginning of each class… your students to do at the beginning of each class… Would you?)Would you?)

Think of a situation in which Think of a situation in which tension, anxiety, & tension, anxiety, &

surging surging emotions were part emotions were part of the of the scenario, but an scenario, but an action or action or response on the response on the part of part of someone calmed someone calmed the the situation.situation.

If familiar with the conflict If familiar with the conflict cycle cycle model from last model from last session; session; how does your how does your situation fit situation fit with the with the model?model?

1515

““It’s Deja’ Vu all over again.”It’s Deja’ Vu all over again.”(Yogi Berra, NY Yankees Baseball Hall of Fame Catcher)(Yogi Berra, NY Yankees Baseball Hall of Fame Catcher)

For the next 45-50 minutes…For the next 45-50 minutes…

QuickQuick refresher of the “Conflict Cycle” model refresher of the “Conflict Cycle” model

Adding another part to the modelAdding another part to the model

Applying the model to the world of EBD kids & Applying the model to the world of EBD kids & those who work with them those who work with them (That’s us.)(That’s us.)

What’s coming in our future sessionsWhat’s coming in our future sessions

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Revisiting the Conflict CycleRevisiting the Conflict CycleLooking back at what we covered last time Looking back at what we covered last time (part 1)(part 1)::

– Reasons why caring professionals get angryReasons why caring professionals get angry& strike out at students they are pledged to serve& strike out at students they are pledged to serve

– Problems that escort punishment. Problems that escort punishment. Only benefit:Only benefit:Deterrent for kids who are, at moment, rational & calmDeterrent for kids who are, at moment, rational & calmOur kids often aren’t in this state of mind when Our kids often aren’t in this state of mind when punishment is being threatened or implemented.punishment is being threatened or implemented.

– Overview of “Overview of “Conflict CycleConflict Cycle” model ” model (minus 1 important part)(minus 1 important part)

– Application of the model to a videoApplication of the model to a video (“Psycho-teacher”)(“Psycho-teacher”)

(Part 2 of the Conflict Cycle is upcoming)(Part 2 of the Conflict Cycle is upcoming)

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Why Do Otherwise Caring Professionals Why Do Otherwise Caring Professionals

“Lose Their Cool” With These Kids“Lose Their Cool” With These Kids ?? (and our colleagues, supervisors, & loved ones)(and our colleagues, supervisors, & loved ones)

Inadequate Inadequate trainingtraining in respectful, supportive, & non- in respectful, supportive, & non-confrontational ways to manage behavior. confrontational ways to manage behavior.

Ineffective or Ineffective or unappreciated effortsunappreciated efforts drain our energy, drain our energy, make us doubt our competence, & build dislike make us doubt our competence, & build dislike

for for persistent offenders.persistent offenders.

Life eventsLife events lower our ability to handle frustration. lower our ability to handle frustration.

Their actions violate our Their actions violate our value systemvalue system..

Unresolved personal or professional Unresolved personal or professional issues of our ownissues of our own..

These circumstances can cause us toThese circumstances can cause us to

strike outstrike out at our students when they at our students when they

don’t quickly & fully comply don’t quickly & fully comply (stage 3)(stage 3) ..

18181818

Which problems accompanyWhich problems accompanythe use of punishmentthe use of punishment??

Emotional Emotional (or physical)(or physical) harm can result. harm can result.

The kids:The kids:-Fear you.-Fear you.-Dislike you.-Dislike you.-Think that you don’t like them.-Think that you don’t like them.-Avoid you-Avoid you-Become sneakier so they don’t get caught.-Become sneakier so they don’t get caught.

The punishment may not outweigh the rewards The punishment may not outweigh the rewards brought by the behavior.brought by the behavior.

The “The “punishmentpunishment” might actually be a reinforcer.” might actually be a reinforcer.

Punishment does not teach inner control & better Punishment does not teach inner control & better behaviors, so the same ones keep popping up.behaviors, so the same ones keep popping up.

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What ?!What ?!

Me Change?!Me Change?!

THEY’RETHEY’RE

the problem.the problem. (not me)(not me)..

2020

See kids as the enemySee kids as the enemy?? OK… Let’s talk that lingo OK… Let’s talk that lingo

Sun Tzu & his principlesSun Tzu & his principles:: ((The Art of WarThe Art of War, 530 B.C, 530 B.C).).

– (Previously)(Previously) Never conduct a frontal attack on an Never conduct a frontal attack on an opponent who possesses equal or greater opponent who possesses equal or greater

force force (like “Psycho-Teacher” attempted to do).(like “Psycho-Teacher” attempted to do).

– Break the enemy's resistance without fighting.Break the enemy's resistance without fighting.– It is best to capture the enemy intact It is best to capture the enemy intact (rather than (rather than

destroyed)destroyed) & convince them of your cause & convince them of your cause– The greatest victory is to win without having battled. The greatest victory is to win without having battled.

Sun Tzu’s practices Sun Tzu’s practices (in preparation for action)(in preparation for action)::– Gather information on your adversary.Gather information on your adversary.– Use this information to inform your actions & reach Use this information to inform your actions & reach

your goals with minimal loss your goals with minimal loss (to self or others)(to self or others)..

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Informed Actions:Informed Actions:Nick Long, Sun Tzu, & YouNick Long, Sun Tzu, & You

Please find your Please find your “Explanation of the Conflict Cycle”“Explanation of the Conflict Cycle” page page

22

Stressor/Threat or Comforter from Adult

“Psycho-Teacher”: Student’s Experience

1. Teacher angrily chastises & insults student’s failure to copy from board

2. More stress piled on

3. More stress placed on student

4. Stress reduced

1. Resentment builds from earlier incident that resulted in drawing.

2. Resentment increases

3. T comments caused hurt & negative self reflection??

4. Relief & retaliation

1. Shows restraint, but remains off task

2. Student uses aggressive humor (“nap”)

3. Shuts out teacher

4. Leave classroom

1. Teacher continues chastisement & comparisons with others

2. Teacher continues insults & reminisces negatively (“another time of no work done”.

3. Teacher tells to leave (attempt to “win” OR “escape”?)

23

How can we intervene

professionally at each step?

Stressor/Threat or Comforter from Adult

1.

2.

3.Toward Self or Adult

24

Adult’s Feelings

Adult’s Observable

Behavior

Student/Peer

Reaction

Stressor/Threat or Comforter from student

“Psycho-Teacher: Adult’s Experience1.

2.

3.

1.

2.

3.

1.

2.

3.

1.

2

3.

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““Psycho-TeacherPsycho-Teacher””This time, let’s look at the conflict cycle from the This time, let’s look at the conflict cycle from the

teacher’s viewpoint.teacher’s viewpoint.

-What is her stressor-What is her stressor?? (opening moments)(opening moments)

-What feelings result-What feelings result??

-What observable action is witnessed-What observable action is witnessed??

-How does the student respond-How does the student respond??

-Is the cycle defused or escalated by the student-Is the cycle defused or escalated by the student??

TEAMS:TEAMS: On your handouts, identify what occurred at each part On your handouts, identify what occurred at each part of the cycle. Go around the cycle at least twice. of the cycle. Go around the cycle at least twice.

Psycho-T video clip herePsycho-T video clip here

26

Adult’s Feelings

Adult’s Observable

Behavior

Student’s Reaction

Stressor/Threat or Comforter from student

Adult’s Experience1. Sees rendition of her

2. Fails to agree & return to task (more stress)

3. Stress piled on

4. Stress increases

5. MORE OR LESS STRESS?

(Doubt actions or relief from exit?)

1. Personally & professionally offended

2. Professionally offended

3. Uncertainty

1. Chastises & ridicules the lack of on-task behavior. Tells student to copy from board.

2. Continues to criticize, points out error, & compares to other students. Speaks for class.

3. Interprets feelings for class, reminisces back to negatives (“…another time of no work done”), & continues criticism.

4. Tells student to leave classroom.

1.Student restrains self. “So” uttered by him.

2. Witty attack humor

3. Student shakes head & fails to engage in task.

4. Student leaves.

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Flip SideFlip SideTeams:Teams: Last time, we talked about what the adult did Last time, we talked about what the adult did

““wrongwrong” that escalated the crisis situation. Now, let’s ” that escalated the crisis situation. Now, let’s flip the pancake…flip the pancake…

Specifically… What could the adult have done to:Specifically… What could the adult have done to:

1.1. PreventPrevent the conflict OR the conflict OR

2.2. De-escalateDe-escalate the situation at various points in the the situation at various points in the escalating battleescalating battle??

Come back to our larger group with at least one Come back to our larger group with at least one “preventer” & two “de-escalators” to contribute to our “preventer” & two “de-escalators” to contribute to our discussion.discussion.

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Backing up the busBacking up the bus

What do we & the students bring to the table?What do we & the students bring to the table?

What factors influence our responses when What factors influence our responses when we’re under stresswe’re under stress??

2929

3030

Blowing away the smokeBlowing away the smoke & tossing aside the mirrors & tossing aside the mirrors

Despite what was initially evident to Dorothy & her Despite what was initially evident to Dorothy & her escorts during a powerful, attention drawing event…escorts during a powerful, attention drawing event…

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DODO pay attention to the man behind the curtain pay attention to the man behind the curtain!!

Attempt to gain an understanding of the factors that Attempt to gain an understanding of the factors that have influenced this student’s response to events have influenced this student’s response to events (i.e., “Behavior pattern”)(i.e., “Behavior pattern”)..

3232

Rousseau, Freud, God, & othersRousseau, Freud, God, & othersWhether you believe that we’re bornWhether you believe that we’re born– ““TTabla rosaabla rosa”” (“blank slate”, waiting for society to write upon you)(“blank slate”, waiting for society to write upon you)

– Inherently evilInherently evil (Hobbes & Freud’s view; “original sin” Biblical view)(Hobbes & Freud’s view; “original sin” Biblical view)

– Inherently goodInherently good (John Locke, Rousseau),(John Locke, Rousseau),

all of the views have a point in common… the all of the views have a point in common… the recognition of the massive influence of societyrecognition of the massive influence of society(parents, teachers, media)(parents, teachers, media) on who one becomes.on who one becomes.

-loyal, friendly, trustworthy, & cooperative-loyal, friendly, trustworthy, & cooperative versusversus

-disloyal, manipulative, untrustworthy, & uncooperative-disloyal, manipulative, untrustworthy, & uncooperative

Kids become what society has “trained” them to be.Kids become what society has “trained” them to be.– Systematically Systematically versus Hversus Haphazardlyaphazardly– Informed positive guidance Informed positive guidance versus versus Badly “winging it” due to Badly “winging it” due to

incompetence, misinformation, or lack of informationincompetence, misinformation, or lack of information..

3333

(1st rectangle of cycle) Many Kids Have Low Self

Esteem & Negative Self Concepts Due To? • Rotten childhoods filled with negative experiences.

•Abuse, neglect, and/or consistent messages of rejection.

•Inconsistency due to multiple care-takers using very different practices, and/or giving very different messages.

•Inconsistent caretaking from primary adults who are:

•alcoholic/substance addicted

•mentally ill (unmanaged)

•manic-depressive (unmanaged)

•negatively oriented authoritarian personalities

•incompetent due to lack of childrearing knowledge.

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Rotten Childhoods (continued): Reiterated negative labels & messages

– “You rude little son of a b----. When I catch you, I’ll…”– “You little criminal. You’re going to end up

dead or in jail someday.”– “Man, you’re strange.”– “Why don’t you use your head once in

a while? Stupid!”– “What’s wrong with you, anyway? Get outta my

face before I…”– “You little loser. Why can’t you be like Fran?”– “You evil little beast! I’ll beat the devil out of you!”

Client to psychologist friend of mine when the parent was Client to psychologist friend of mine when the parent was asked what he does when his 10 year old son acts upasked what he does when his 10 year old son acts up::

““I tell him he’s an a- -h-leI tell him he’s an a- -h-le..””

3535

Due to those painful or unpredictable Due to those painful or unpredictable childhood experiences, “irrational” childhood experiences, “irrational” beliefs form about oneself & othersbeliefs form about oneself & others

(2(2ndnd rectangle in the Cycle) rectangle in the Cycle)

Based on their inconsistent &/or negative history of Based on their inconsistent &/or negative history of happenings, they interpret happenings differently happenings, they interpret happenings differently than most people.than most people.

They view those eveThey view those eventsnts throughthrough a distorted lens. a distorted lens.

Their Their (re)(re)actions refleactions reflect those misct those misperceptionsperceptions..

3636

Next Time & Rest of the YearNext Time & Rest of the Year

Effective strategies for:Effective strategies for:– Avoiding conflictAvoiding conflict– Escaping conflictEscaping conflict– Promoting cooperation & compliancePromoting cooperation & compliance– Bonding & connecting to relationship-resistant kidsBonding & connecting to relationship-resistant kids

3737

Your “Do Now” ActivityYour “Do Now” Activity((You wouldn’t fail to engage in something that you require You wouldn’t fail to engage in something that you require

your students to do at the beginning of each class… your students to do at the beginning of each class… Would you?)Would you?)

Consider the upcoming holidays.Consider the upcoming holidays.Most families report some level of stress Most families report some level of stress

accompanying the joy.accompanying the joy.Given that EBD kids are more likely than Given that EBD kids are more likely than

other kids to come from dysfunctional other kids to come from dysfunctional homes, is their anything that educators homes, is their anything that educators can do to:can do to:Help kids prepareHelp kids prepareHelp kids copeHelp kids cope

3838

3939

In the beginning… Life at homeIn the beginning… Life at homeAmong kids with EBD, there is an unusually Among kids with EBD, there is an unusually high occurrence of childrearing that is:high occurrence of childrearing that is:– DisorganizedDisorganized (No clear life lessons regarding civility & (No clear life lessons regarding civility &

proper deportment)proper deportment)

– InconsistentInconsistent (Lack of boundaries & life lessons taught)(Lack of boundaries & life lessons taught)

– HarshHarsh (Models aggression towards others)(Models aggression towards others)

– Wrongly practicedWrongly practiced (Supportive talk phrased incorrectly)(Supportive talk phrased incorrectly)

In a future session:In a future session: Counterproductive phrasing of: Counterproductive phrasing of:– ExpectationsExpectations– PraisePraise– CriticismCriticism– References to a child’s character traits… References to a child’s character traits… by teachers tooby teachers too

4040

The Perceptions That Might Develop From Maltreatment, Neglect, Rejection

• “My parents treated me badly.” (Fact)

•“I can’t count on my parents to care for me or treat me well.” (Fact)

• “I was treated badly because I am a bad person. Because I’m ‘BAD’, no one could ever like me, care for me, or treat me well.” (Distorted/Irrational

belief)

•“You say that you want to help me, but I know adults… When I show you why I’m not likeable, you’ll quickly reject & hurt me like my parents (and past teachers).(Usually plays out that way, further ingraining the identity & reaction pattern)

• You say you’re different… While I hope that is true, you’ll have to PROVE IT!PROVE IT! ”

(over & over again as I seek reassurance that you really are different).Brick. Waco & M. Home.

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Home for the Holidays:Home for the Holidays: Do common media & literature Do common media & literature images of the holidays match the lives of our EBD images of the holidays match the lives of our EBD

students? The effect?students? The effect?

4242

The knife is there. Don’t twist it.The knife is there. Don’t twist it.““No nonsense”, “zero-tolerance”, “tough”, & “mean” No nonsense”, “zero-tolerance”, “tough”, & “mean” teachers teachers blame the victimblame the victim for the “crime”. for the “crime”.Children have Children have no choiceno choice as to the homes into which as to the homes into which

they are born. They didn’t choose their life they are born. They didn’t choose their life circumstances.circumstances.Kids have Kids have little controllittle control over the things that will over the things that will influence them during their young lives.influence them during their young lives.

(Excluding those kids with inborn mental health issues…)(Excluding those kids with inborn mental health issues…)

EBD kids are EBD kids are a producta product of their environments. of their environments.Adults who view these youngsters as “the enemy” Adults who view these youngsters as “the enemy” & & “attack” them with negative words, punishments, “attack” them with negative words, punishments, & & rejection, rejection, further ingrainfurther ingrain the unfortunate self the unfortunate self images images & life views that they presently hold.& life views that they presently hold.

4343

Characteristics of Kids Who Have Had Characteristics of Kids Who Have Had Randomized & Negative UpbringingsRandomized & Negative Upbringings??Kids from disorganized households will initially Kids from disorganized households will initially challenge the legitimacy of procedures & practices challenge the legitimacy of procedures & practices found in structured & positive environments.found in structured & positive environments.

They operate in a state of hyper-vigilance, anticipating They operate in a state of hyper-vigilance, anticipating that an intrusion on their present non-conflict that an intrusion on their present non-conflict

state state of being could occur at any moment.of being could occur at any moment.

Consistent support & predictable adult actions areConsistent support & predictable adult actions are– NewNew– BewilderingBewildering– Viewed with suspicionViewed with suspicion..

Waco kids & Methodist home.Waco kids & Methodist home.

4444

All kids need & deserve long-term exposureAll kids need & deserve long-term exposure to “ to “pole starpole star” adults who demonstrate ” adults who demonstrate

predictable predictable & assertive responses wrapped in & assertive responses wrapped in calm, calm, unswervingly supportive emotional unswervingly supportive emotional displays.displays.

Most of our students don’t receive this guidanceMost of our students don’t receive this guidance..

Kids who have had painful lives need adultsKids who have had painful lives need adults who who refuse to inflictrefuse to inflict more emotional harm. more emotional harm.

Kids who have experienced confusion in their young Kids who have experienced confusion in their young lives need organized, stable, & lives need organized, stable, & supportive supportive

adultsadults..

4545

With regard to kids who’ve heard With regard to kids who’ve heard consistently negative messages:consistently negative messages:

Our task is to help them:Our task is to help them:– Develop accurate & useful perceptionsDevelop accurate & useful perceptions– Exhibit more appropriate behaviors when under Exhibit more appropriate behaviors when under

stressstress..

4646

Room 106Room 106

Student:Student: Curtis, is a “SPED” kid from a Curtis, is a “SPED” kid from a “disorganized” home. He has been showing “disorganized” home. He has been showing promise promise academically & socially over the last year academically & socially over the last year & a half & a half in Mr. Roger’s room. This year, he is in Mr. Roger’s room. This year, he is experiencing experiencing a rough start with his new teacher, a rough start with his new teacher, Mr. LeeMr. Lee..

Teacher:Teacher: Mr. Lee, an experienced educator who Mr. Lee, an experienced educator who prides himself on prides himself on “not putting up with any crap from “not putting up with any crap from kids”kids”..

4747

Making Sense of What HappenedMaking Sense of What HappenedRead a somewhat modified version of the page containing Read a somewhat modified version of the page containing the “Curtis” script. Label where the various parts of the the “Curtis” script. Label where the various parts of the conflict cycle come into play. conflict cycle come into play. Click here for the script.Click here for the script.

When finished, list various reasons that teachers When finished, list various reasons that teachers sometimes have a “sometimes have a “short fuseshort fuse” (become irritated) on certain ” (become irritated) on certain days or in certain situations with certain kids. What things days or in certain situations with certain kids. What things influence our perceptions and reactions?influence our perceptions and reactions?

4848

What Can We Do To Win Over What Can We Do To Win Over Defiant YoungstersDefiant Youngsters??

Establish personal connections.Establish personal connections. (308 NYC BD)(308 NYC BD)

– Human nature: We are more motivated to do things for those for Human nature: We are more motivated to do things for those for whom we hold respect and affectionwhom we hold respect and affection..

Promote achievement/Ensure progress.Promote achievement/Ensure progress. – The desire to continue in a pursuit requires that one see oneself as The desire to continue in a pursuit requires that one see oneself as

proficient, or making progress. proficient, or making progress. (driving test repeated failure)(driving test repeated failure)

– Modify material and assignments to meet special needs.Modify material and assignments to meet special needs.– Create a “safe” environment for individuals with a “failure identity” Create a “safe” environment for individuals with a “failure identity”

who will otherwise resist trying new thingswho will otherwise resist trying new things. . ((Eskimo roll)Eskimo roll)

Teach the behaviors we want to seeTeach the behaviors we want to seeAppropriate Appropriate ((re)re)actions & behavior choices, like academics, are learned.actions & behavior choices, like academics, are learned.We often need to teach correct behavior to those aren’t yet displaying it.We often need to teach correct behavior to those aren’t yet displaying it.

We may need to teach how to interpret happenings & handle feelingsWe may need to teach how to interpret happenings & handle feelings..

4949

Teams: How can/do you establish positive Teams: How can/do you establish positive

personal connections with your studentspersonal connections with your students??Give them “the time of day”.Give them “the time of day”.

Develop a history of positive interactions.Develop a history of positive interactions.

Make sure that the first contact of the day or period is a Make sure that the first contact of the day or period is a positive one.positive one.

Make sure that the last contact of the day is a positive one.Make sure that the last contact of the day is a positive one.

Remain consistently supportive and encouraging, even when Remain consistently supportive and encouraging, even when needing to administer penalties.needing to administer penalties.– ““You made a mistake in judgment, but they are further and farther between. You made a mistake in judgment, but they are further and farther between.

I’m sure that the future will bring even more good choicesI’m sure that the future will bring even more good choices..””

Find the little bit of positive inside an inappropriate action.Find the little bit of positive inside an inappropriate action.– ““I admire your loyalty to friends. However, it is not OK to pummel others on I admire your loyalty to friends. However, it is not OK to pummel others on

their behalf.”their behalf.”

– ““Even though you refused the direction, I want to thank you for doing it with Even though you refused the direction, I want to thank you for doing it with acceptable words. That shows maturity. However, ...acceptable words. That shows maturity. However, ...””

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How do we promote self controlHow do we promote self control??Social skills instructionSocial skills instruction..Teach reflective thinking:Teach reflective thinking:– ““Stop-think-choose” Stop-think-choose” (see the page titled “Problem solving”(see the page titled “Problem solving” at at

BehaviorAdvisor.com)BehaviorAdvisor.com)

– Problem solving Problem solving (see the page of that name at BehaviorAdvisor.com(see the page of that name at BehaviorAdvisor.com) ) – Self monitoring Self monitoring (see the page of that name at BehaviorAdvisor.com(see the page of that name at BehaviorAdvisor.com))– Anger management/replacement trainingAnger management/replacement training– DR procedures DR procedures (see the page title “Differential reinforcement”at (see the page title “Differential reinforcement”at

BehaviorAdvisor.comBehaviorAdvisor.com))

Personalized check-ins with supportive adultPersonalized check-ins with supportive adult(s)(s)..

Other ideas from Other ideas from www.www.BehaviorAdvisor.BehaviorAdvisor.com com &&

““The Behavior Survival Guide for Kids:The Behavior Survival Guide for Kids: How to make good How to make good choices and stay out of troublechoices and stay out of trouble” ” (McIntyre, Free Spirit Press)(McIntyre, Free Spirit Press)..

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How do we promote academic achievementHow do we promote academic achievement??– Modify materials and presentationModify materials and presentation..– Ensure understanding by asking the student to Ensure understanding by asking the student to

repeat the directions in own wordsrepeat the directions in own words..– Check in early with the student to assureCheck in early with the student to assure..

understanding and task engagementunderstanding and task engagement..– Relate material to the student’s life & interestsRelate material to the student’s life & interests..– Promote motivation by:Promote motivation by:

Focusing on effort rather than accuracyFocusing on effort rather than accuracy

Reminiscing about earlier successes resulting from Reminiscing about earlier successes resulting from efforteffort..

– Assign peer helpers/cross age tutorsAssign peer helpers/cross age tutors..

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Suggestions for “The Dean of Discipline”Suggestions for “The Dean of Discipline”Devise a plan before entering or while waiting outside Devise a plan before entering or while waiting outside the doorthe door..

Avoid “Why” questions Avoid “Why” questions (especially when in agitated state) (especially when in agitated state) – see BehaviorAdvisor.com page titled “Nice ways to build self-disciplinesee BehaviorAdvisor.com page titled “Nice ways to build self-discipline

Use respectful phrasing & voice toneUse respectful phrasing & voice tone– see BehaviorAdvisor.com page titled “Nice ways to build self-disciplinesee BehaviorAdvisor.com page titled “Nice ways to build self-discipline

Talk with the suspect privatelyTalk with the suspect privately..

Find a “Plan B”: Open the other door or wedge a chair Find a “Plan B”: Open the other door or wedge a chair to partially open the door that won’t stay opento partially open the door that won’t stay open..Offer a choice: Offer a choice: “When I return in 3 minutes, this door will “When I return in 3 minutes, this door will have to be in working order again, in order to…have to be in working order again, in order to…

– keep the privilege of sitting alone without me here.”keep the privilege of sitting alone without me here.”

– Leave at the scheduled departure time.Leave at the scheduled departure time.

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To make a long story short.To make a long story short. (Too late?)(Too late?)

““Difficult kidsDifficult kids”:”:– Have an ingrained behavior patterns that become more so with Have an ingrained behavior patterns that become more so with

rejection by significant adults (including educators)rejection by significant adults (including educators)– They often project a “hardened” image to those who would help them They often project a “hardened” image to those who would help them

in order to fend off more emotional hurt (from rejection by someone in order to fend off more emotional hurt (from rejection by someone they start to trust)they start to trust)

Punishing these youngsters strengthens their negative world view.Punishing these youngsters strengthens their negative world view.

It takes highly skilled, emotionally secure, caring, and resilient It takes highly skilled, emotionally secure, caring, and resilient professionals to “reach” these youngstersprofessionals to “reach” these youngsters..

The most “The most “hardenedhardened” of kids are the most in need of the guidance of an ” of kids are the most in need of the guidance of an ““iron hand in a velvet gloveiron hand in a velvet glove”.”. Firmness and strength underlie the “soft” Firmness and strength underlie the “soft” touchtouch..

The glove must remain on the behavior management hand at all timesThe glove must remain on the behavior management hand at all times..

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WhenWhen eemmoottiioonnss start tostart to

FFllaarree Remember…Remember…

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Your Turn To Talk BackYour Turn To Talk Back

Which points made the most impact on you?Which points made the most impact on you?

In what ways do you see yourself changingIn what ways do you see yourself changing your interaction/intervention patterns?your interaction/intervention patterns?

With which points do you disagree? With which points do you disagree? (and why?)(and why?)

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Stretch Your BrainStretch Your BrainDo you have your brain wrapped around the model?Do you have your brain wrapped around the model?

If so, it’s time to bend it into another shape.If so, it’s time to bend it into another shape.

This show talked about the student’s conflict cycle. This show talked about the student’s conflict cycle. However, it takes two to tangle…er, I mean tango. However, it takes two to tangle…er, I mean tango. The teacher also has a conflict cycle going.The teacher also has a conflict cycle going.

Your task:Your task: Draw a blank, unlabeled Conflict Cycle Draw a blank, unlabeled Conflict Cycle diagram. Then fill in the boxes and circles as they diagram. Then fill in the boxes and circles as they pertain to your “pertain to your “Do NowDo Now” activity from slide #3” activity from slide #3..

Hint:Hint: The top circle in the diagram will have The top circle in the diagram will have “student’s unacceptable behavior” as the stressor“student’s unacceptable behavior” as the stressor..

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ResourcesResourcesWhy not read about it from the man Why not read about it from the man (and his former student)(and his former student) who wrote it? For Long & Fescher’s description to the who wrote it? For Long & Fescher’s description to the Conflict Cycle model, go to: Conflict Cycle model, go to: http://cecp.air.org/interact/authoronline/april98/3.htmhttp://cecp.air.org/interact/authoronline/april98/3.htm They They also provide a brief introduction to the “also provide a brief introduction to the “Life Space Crisis Life Space Crisis InterviewInterview”, a counseling strategy for working with kids in ”, a counseling strategy for working with kids in crisis.crisis.

To get a better idea of how the Conflict Cycles of two To get a better idea of how the Conflict Cycles of two individuals individuals (perhaps a student and teacher)(perhaps a student and teacher) interact, go to: interact, go to: http://www.aiksaath.com/conflict.htmlhttp://www.aiksaath.com/conflict.html While this cycle While this cycle diagram differs from the model proposed by Dr. Long, it is diagram differs from the model proposed by Dr. Long, it is conceptually similarconceptually similar..

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It’s a-b-c analysisIt’s a-b-c analysis

A sparks B results in CA sparks B results in C

The B sparks the C (the B in the other The B sparks the C (the B in the other person) which brings about the next Cperson) which brings about the next C

Use excel chart for visual imagery?Use excel chart for visual imagery?

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Conflict in the ClassroomConflict in the Classroom

Given that “Given that “no nonsenseno nonsense” teachers tend to ” teachers tend to view defiant students as the enemy, let us, view defiant students as the enemy, let us, for the moment, talk in their terms.for the moment, talk in their terms.

If one is “fighting” an enemy, it is best to If one is “fighting” an enemy, it is best to gather information about them in order to gather information about them in order to increase one’s chances of successincrease one’s chances of success..

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What do you bring to the table?What do you bring to the table?

The top rectangular box refers to the self image (how one sees oneself The top rectangular box refers to the self image (how one sees oneself and the personal traits that we see in ourselves) and self esteem (how and the personal traits that we see in ourselves) and self esteem (how highly or lowly one perceives oneself…The extent to which someone highly or lowly one perceives oneself…The extent to which someone likes himself or herself).likes himself or herself).

The second rectangular box refers to inaccurate beliefs that one holds The second rectangular box refers to inaccurate beliefs that one holds about the world and the people in it. These perceptions develop from about the world and the people in it. These perceptions develop from our experiences and what we have heard from important others, the our experiences and what we have heard from important others, the media, etcetera. media, etcetera. Examples:Examples: “All people of that religious group are…” “All people of that religious group are…” “Those kids from that housing project are all…” “Teachers are all…” “No one “Those kids from that housing project are all…” “Teachers are all…” “No one will ever love me.”will ever love me.”

Our sense of self and our experiences influence how we perceive events Our sense of self and our experiences influence how we perceive events and the actions of others. “and the actions of others. “OddOdd” reactions, “” reactions, “strangestrange” behavior, and ” behavior, and ““weirdweird” actions reflect a difference between the experiences of the ” actions reflect a difference between the experiences of the person being described and the person doing the describingperson being described and the person doing the describing..

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Sucked Down Into The WhirlpoolSucked Down Into The WhirlpoolThe four connected circles in the lower part of the Conflict The four connected circles in the lower part of the Conflict Cycle diagram represent the events in an escalating battle Cycle diagram represent the events in an escalating battle that are readily apparent & observable that are readily apparent & observable (unlike the self assessment (unlike the self assessment and world views found in the rectangular boxesand world views found in the rectangular boxes).).

In the top circle, the student experiences a stressful incident In the top circle, the student experiences a stressful incident (e.g., frustration in trying to meet a goal, rejection by others). (e.g., frustration in trying to meet a goal, rejection by others). The level of the stress is dependent on the student’s self The level of the stress is dependent on the student’s self image and interpretation of events image and interpretation of events (the items in the rectangular (the items in the rectangular boxes at the top of the diagram)boxes at the top of the diagram). To the teacher, the event may . To the teacher, the event may seem innocuous, but that’s because we’re looking at the seem innocuous, but that’s because we’re looking at the event from our perspective. The student views that event event from our perspective. The student views that event from a very different perch on the tree of life.from a very different perch on the tree of life.

The stress will cause emotions to well up (the circle on the The stress will cause emotions to well up (the circle on the right side). Perhaps the student feels anger, fear, anxiety, right side). Perhaps the student feels anger, fear, anxiety, intrigue/interest, sadness, or sulks in self pity or self hatredintrigue/interest, sadness, or sulks in self pity or self hatred..

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If emotions overwhelm the student’s ability to contain & manage If emotions overwhelm the student’s ability to contain & manage them, an observable behavior (the lower bubble on the cycle) them, an observable behavior (the lower bubble on the cycle) will burst out (e.g., crying, hitting self or another, running away, will burst out (e.g., crying, hitting self or another, running away, verbal insults toward self or others, cursing). The behavior verbal insults toward self or others, cursing). The behavior might increase in magnitude as the youngster continues to might increase in magnitude as the youngster continues to reflect on the incident (perhaps “inaccurately”) & emotions reflect on the incident (perhaps “inaccurately”) & emotions continue to build.continue to build.

(Left circle on diagram) Upon witnessing the “inappropriate” (Left circle on diagram) Upon witnessing the “inappropriate” action, the adult responds (ignoring or not noticing are action, the adult responds (ignoring or not noticing are responses too)responses too)..

Competent & concerned professionals respond in a manner Competent & concerned professionals respond in a manner that reduces the stress (back to the top circle), soothes the that reduces the stress (back to the top circle), soothes the emotions, & subdues the emotions that drive the behavioremotions, & subdues the emotions that drive the behavior..

Teachers who brag that Teachers who brag that “I don’t put up with any crap from kids.”“I don’t put up with any crap from kids.” react in harsh ways that heighten the stress on the student, react in harsh ways that heighten the stress on the student, intensify the emotions, & increase the inappropriate behaviorsintensify the emotions, & increase the inappropriate behaviors..

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An activity that illustrates the Cycle:An activity that illustrates the Cycle:

Rent a DVD or video tape of “Rent a DVD or video tape of “The Breakfast ClubThe Breakfast Club” movie ” movie (Circa 1982).(Circa 1982).

Watch the scene in which the students in the library Watch the scene in which the students in the library detention engage in arguments with each other detention engage in arguments with each other (a peer (a peer example of the Conflict Cycle)example of the Conflict Cycle). Watch it for ten or fifteen minutes . Watch it for ten or fifteen minutes as the adult enters into the fray, causing the students to as the adult enters into the fray, causing the students to bond together to fight against him bond together to fight against him (Old Middle Eastern saying: (Old Middle Eastern saying: ““The enemy of my enemy is my friend”)The enemy of my enemy is my friend”).. Watch as a hero arises Watch as a hero arises from the masses to confront the bully from the masses to confront the bully (the adult).(the adult). Watch until Watch until the adult prepares to leave the library after engaging in an the adult prepares to leave the library after engaging in an escalating battle with the kid in the leather coat. escalating battle with the kid in the leather coat. (You might (You might want to stop the movie before the adult gets to the library exit because want to stop the movie before the adult gets to the library exit because as he is walking out, the kid yells the “F” wordas he is walking out, the kid yells the “F” word..))

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How Do Nice Educators End Up In Conflict?

Past negative experiences with teachers and authority figures influence

interactions with caring folks (like you)

Student Self Esteem & Self Concept: The youngster has a history of painful rejections in his/her life from parents, peers, & teachers. S/he possesses a negative sense of self and a distrust of educators.

Stressful incident: The student is enrolled in class of a nice teacher like you. S/he hears the promises of “a good year”. S/he has heard it before and makes the “inevitable” rejection from you happen on his/her terms, preventing the increased pain that would result if you became important to him/her previous to that rejection.

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– Student Behavior: Displays behavior that caused rejection before. We try to deal with it nicely. However, we eventually get irritated with the persistent “testing” behavior; failing that test when we decide to…Teacher Reaction: “show ‘em who’s boss”.

– We then find ourselves failing to notice appropriate actions, but being hyper-vigilant for inappropriate ones.

– We intervene (negatively) more quickly (and maybe even predict misbehavior by saying “Don’t you be…”)

as we “get tough” with “that kid”.

Because the student causes us to reflect upon our personal frailties & concerns that we have about our teaching skills, our own Conflict Cycle engages at the “stressor” of student misbehavior. Emotions well up and we then deliver directions, comments, and punishments in an caustic or condescending manner (“reaction”). The student refuses this disrespectful and alienating treatment, piling more stress onto us.

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Is your Chinese a bit rusty?Is your Chinese a bit rusty?While I’m told While I’m told (by my Chinese speaking wife)(by my Chinese speaking wife) that the that the translation isn’t precise. The two kanji/symbols on translation isn’t precise. The two kanji/symbols on the previous slide, taken together, can be translated the previous slide, taken together, can be translated to the English word “to the English word “CrisisCrisis”. The first symbol ”. The first symbol translates to “translates to “DangerDanger” ” (This simplified modern symbol is a (This simplified modern symbol is a stylized version of the ancient pictograph showing a human stylized version of the ancient pictograph showing a human figure on the edge of a cliff. See it?) figure on the edge of a cliff. See it?) The lower symbol is The lower symbol is equivalent to the English word “equivalent to the English word “OpportunityOpportunity”.”.

The messageThe message???????? In a crisis situation with another, there is danger for In a crisis situation with another, there is danger for making the situation worse, and opportunity for making the situation worse, and opportunity for making it bettermaking it better..

Seize the opportunitySeize the opportunity!!