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Mark P. Sindall, M. Ed.

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The grandson asks,“Which wolf wins, grandfather?”

An old Cherokee warrior is telling his grandson about the fight that is going on inside of

him. The fight is between two wolves.

One wolf is anger, envy, sorrow,

resentment, lies, arrogance, greed,

false pride, hate and ego.The other wolf is filled with joy, peace, love,

hope, generosity, kindness, truth, compassion

and faith in mankind.

He replied - “The one I feed.”

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Purpose

Goal

Surface issue

Fuel

Result

Power & Control

Escape pain or discomfort

Smoke screen

Feelings of fear & helplessness

Entrapment

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Power struggles are always progressive

Power struggles tend to isolate individuals

Power struggles tend to make us feel helpless

No one wins in a power struggle

Things to remember

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Power struggles exist in:

- work relationships

- family relationships

- emotional relationships

There is a close relationship between:

- power

- feelings

- emotions

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Intentional violation of rules

Designed to meet social needs at the expense of

others

Often peer reinforced

Not connected to underlying emotional issues

Rational

Low stress level

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Connected to underlying emotional issues

Often overreaction to stress or misperceptions

Often irrational – not planned

High stress level

Connected to frustration and agitation

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Corrective Approach

1. Give a friendly reminder

2. Give a fair warning

3. Follow through with a consequence

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Counseling Approach

1. Give SpaceAcknowledge

feelingsOffer spaceSet limits and

monitor

2. Listen ActivelyReflect

3. Problem solve (LSCI)

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Avoid becoming angry.

Avoid becoming emotionally entangled.

Outside StressFeelings of inadequacy

Feeling attacked – defensive Embarrassment, fear or shock

Value violation Authority challenge

Anger

traps

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They possess a strong need for control, and will do about anything to gain power.

They typically deny responsibility for their behaviors and have little insight into how

they impact others.

They are socially exploitive and very quick to notice how others respond. He then uses these responses to his advantage.

They can tolerate a great deal of negativity

– in fact they seem to thrive on large amounts of conflict, anger and negativity

from others, and are frequently the winners in power struggles.

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Suspensions

Expulsions

Physical Restraints

Seclusions

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When a hammer is the only tool you have,

everything looks like a nail.

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Limits and consequencesmust be clearly stated

Boundaries must be clear

and narrowly defined

Be willing to wait it out

Acknowledge compliance

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Avoid the

any and all things that can draw you back in.

Privacy

Eye Contact

Proximity

hook -

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Never argue with the student

Avoid talking too much

Do not try to convince the student he’s wrong at that time

Allow the student to escape with grace and dignity during an emotional crisis

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Avoid forced confrontations

Are careful with the words they choose

Remain focused on their objective

Are careful not to back the student into a corner

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Establishing a relationship.

Avoid personalizing

Give choices

Do not compromise on the important issues

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Step 1

Do not manufacture power struggles by the way you teach.

Power struggles are a result of a student’s attempt to satisfy an unmet need. Students who feel a sense of power and control;are making progress toward their goals,are supported by their teacher,have avenues to share concerns, Don’t feel backed into a corner,and are given choices.

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Step 2

Avoid being hooked in.

If the student tries to hook you in by challenging you, pushing your buttons, making you feel guilty or responsible (blame-shifting) for their inappropriate behavior – put the responsibility back on the student.

If you become drawn in on a personal level, the student is in control.

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Step 3

Move into a private encounter.

If the encounter begins publicly, quickly move into a private, one to one interaction. A public stage will put the student in a position where they must defend their image; and put you in a position that you feel you need to demonstrate your power.

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Step 4

Calmly acknowledge the power struggle.

It is counterproductive to show anger or to flex your muscle. Instead, with a calm voice, acknowledge that things appear to be heading toward a power struggle - which will make things worse. Ask the students how the situation could end up in a win-win scenario.

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Step 5

Validate student’s feelings and concerns.

Uses phrases such as, “I know you were upset with him, but that does not mean it was alright for you to hit him.”Feelings are important and valued, BUT they are besides the point.

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Step 6

Keep the focus on the student’s choice, and simply state the consequence.

No matter what the hook the student tries to use, keep the focus on the fact that the student made a choice to violate the rule or social contract.

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Step 6

They chose to act in the way they did, and therefore they need to accept responsibility. If the student does not want to accept the logical or agreed upon consequences, then they can make the choice to accept a more significant consequence, such as losing the opportunity to be part of the class or activity.

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Step 7

Keep your emotional energy into constructive matters.

After successfully communicating to the students their choices, it is not useful to dwell on the student’s behavior. Shift your attention back to teaching. Model constructive, rational and positive behavior.