11 hus 133 relationships

RelationshipsRelationshipsChapter 11

Relationship Types and IssuesLearning ObjectivesWhat role do friends play across the adult lifespan?How are siblings important, especially in late life?What characterizes love relationships? How do they vary across cultures?What are abusive relationships? What are elder abuse and neglect?

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Relationship Types and Issues

Friendships in AdulthoodThree broad themes underlie adult friendships:– Affective or emotional basis

• This includes self-disclosure, expressions of intimacy, appreciation, affection, and support.

• Based on trust, loyalty, and commitment

– Shared or communal nature • Friends participate in or support activities of mutual interest.

– Sociability and compatibility• Friends keep us entertained and are sources of amusement, fun, and

recreation.

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Online FriendshipsTrust develops on the basis of four sources:

1. Reputation2. Performance3. Precommitment4. Situational factors

What makes a friend?Psychological and Sociocultural forces result in marked differences in how people

define friendship.Vancouver, Canada

• Mostly on affective (feelings) and cognitive processes (what they think about the relationships)

Greensboro, NC• Rely on behavioral, relational qualities, and being like themselves

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Sibling friendsWomen place more importance on sibling ties than do men; for both the ties are greater in adolescence and late life.

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Sibling Ties Across AdulthoodSibling Ties Across Adulthood


Developmental Aspects of Friendships • Why are friends so important to older adults?

– Concerns about being a burden to their families• Friends help each other foster independence.

– Older adults tend to have fewer relationships than people in mid-life and young adulthood.

• Socioemotional selectivity– Social contact is motivated by a variety of goals.

• Information seeking• Self-concept• Emotional regulation

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Men, Women’s, and Cross-Sex Friendships• Men’s and women’s friendship tend to differ in adulthood.

– Women's friendships are based on intimate emotional sharing.– Men’s friendships tend to be based on shared activities and interests.– Women tend to have more friendships than men.

• Friendships between men and women– Beneficial effect, especially for men– Similar to cross ethnic friendships– Cross-gender friendships tend to be difficult to maintain. Why?

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Love Relationships• Love through adulthood

– Sternberg has identified three components of love:• Passion – physical attraction• Intimacy – feelings that you can share all of your thoughts with another• Commitment – willingness to stay with the person through good and bad

– Ideally, good love relationships have all three components.

• Assortative mating does the best job explaining the process of forming love relationships. – Selecting a mate works best when there are shared values, goals, and

interests.

• Homogamy – degree to which people share similar values and interests

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Love Relationships• On-line dating

– Provides a way for people with social or dating anxiety to meet people• Not without problems - what are they?

• Three filters that are applied when meeting someone new:– Stimulus - Does the person’s physical appearance, social class, and manners match your own?– Values – Does the person’s values regarding sex, religion, politics, etc. match your own?– Role – Does the person’s ideas about the relationship, communication style, gender roles, etc

match your own?

• The degree that two people find each other physically attractive is more important than people realize.– Women choose a more masculine-looking man for short term affairs and a

more feminine man as a prospective husband or that their parents would want them to date.

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Cross-culture issues– Buss and colleagues found men and women in each culture displayed

unique orderings of their preferences for a mate.

• Traditional cultures: China, India, Iran, and Nigeria– Men place high value on chastity, desire for home and children, being a

good cook and house keeper– Women look for a man’s ambition and industry, being a good financial

prospect, and holding favorable social status

• Western-industrial cultures: Netherlands, UK, Finland, Sweden– Value the above qualities to a lesser extent and place more value on

Western ideals – Education, intelligence, and social refinement, for both men and women,

are more important than pleasing disposition in Spain, Colombia, and Greece. People in Indonesia place a greater emphasis on pleasing disposition.

• Chastity has the most variability across cultures, having high value in some culture and little import in others.

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Violence in Relationships• Abusive relationships occur when one person becomes aggressive toward

the partner.– Levels of aggressive behavior range from verbal aggression to physical

aggression to murdering one’s partner.

• People remain in abusive relationships for many reasons.– Including low self-esteem and the belief that they cannot leave– Battered women syndrome – belief they cannot leave & may go so far as to kill the abuser

• The causes of aggression become more complex as the level of aggression increases.

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Violence in Relationships

Many college students report experiencing abuse.– One study: 7% reported physical abuse; 36% reported emotional abuse– Sexual assault rates declining, acquaintance (date) rape is experienced by 1 in

4 college women– Roughly 40 to 50% of women injured during a sexual attack

• Separated or divorced women more vulnerable to physical abuse.• Latina women less likely to be abused across all age groups.

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Violence in Relationships

Culture issues– Cultures that emphasize honor and portray women as passive supporters of

men’s activity with sacrifice for family tend have higher rates and to tolerate abuse.

– Common cause of women’s murders in Arab countries is brother or other male relatives killing the victim because of honor.

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Progressive Behaviors in Abusive RelationshipsProgressive Behaviors in Abusive Relationships

Elder Abuse, Neglect, and Exploitation

• Elder abuse is difficult to define and has several categories:– Physical– Sexual– Emotional or Psychological – Financial or material – Abandonment– Neglect– Self-neglect

• Risk factors and causes of Elder Abuse, Neglect, or Exploitation:– Spouses or partners who have a history of being abusive tend to remain that

way in late life.– Unscrupulous businesspeople take advantage of cognitively disadvantaged

older adults.

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Lifestyles and Love Relationships

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Learning Objectives

• What are the challenges and advantages of being single?

• Why do people cohabit?

• What is marriage like across adulthood?

• Why do people divorce and remarry?

• What are the experiences of widows and widowers?


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Singlehood

• Most adults between 20 and 24 are single.– Approximately 80% of men and 70% of women in the age 20 to 24

• People remain single for a variety of reasons.

• Gender differences– Men tend to stay single longer.

• However, fewer men remain unmarried throughout adulthood.

– Ethnic differences in singlehood• Nearly twice as many African Americans are single during young

adulthood as European Americans.

– Three distinct groups of young singles:• Those who suffer distress at being single.• Those who are experiencing a continuum of desiring to remain single

and wanting to be married.• Others that are quite happy being single.


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Cohabitation

• Becoming an increasingly popular lifestyle choice– 523,000 couples in 1970– 5,500,000 couples in 2000

• Couples cohabitate for three main reasons

1. Convenience, sharing expenses, sexual accessibility – part-time or limited cohabitation

2. Couples are engaging in a trial marriage with an intent on marrying – premarital cohabitation.

3. Long-term commitment that is a marriage in fact, but lacking official sanction – substitute marriage.

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Rapid Growth in CohabitationRapid Growth in Cohabitation


Marriage• The median age at first marriage is increasing and has done so over the

last few decades.

• Factors influencing marital success– Maturity of the two partners at time of marriage – Homogamy

• Marriage based on similarity

– Feelings of equality• Exchange theory - each partner contributing something to the relationship that the

other would be hard pressed to provide

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Median Age of First MarriageMedian Age of First Marriage


The Developmental Course of Marital Satisfaction• Marital satisfaction is highest at the beginning of the marriage, falls until

children leave home, and rises in later life.

• The Early Years– Marriages are most intense in the early days.– As couples settle in a routine, marital satisfaction tends to decline.

• Marriage at Midlife– Most marriages improve when the children leave home.– For some middle-aged couples, however, satisfaction remains low.

• Married Singles – emotionally divorced and living as house-mates

• Older Couples– Reduced potential for marital conflict and greater potential for pleasure.

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Marital SatisfactionMarital Satisfaction


Keeping Marriages Happy• Most long-term marriages tend to be happy.

Couples in long-term happy marriages show an ability to adapt to changes in their relationships.

Couples realize that expectations about one's marriage change over time.

• Seven Key Things to Keep a Good Marriage1. Make time for your relationship2. Express your love to your spouse3. Be there in times of need4. Communicate constructively and positively about problems in the

relationship5. Be interested in your spouse’s life6. Confide in your spouse7. Forgive minor offenses, and try to understand major ones

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Divorce and Remarriage– Who Gets Divorced and Why

• Divorce in the U.S. is common and rates are higher than in many other countries.

• Ethnicity– African American couples tend to remain married longer.– Ethnically mixed marriages are at greater risk.

• Men and women agree on the reasons for divorce– Infidelity– Incompatibility– Drug and alcohol use– Growing apart

– Gottman and Levenson’s two models to predict divorce early (7 years) and late (when first child reaches 14) 27 of 44

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Rates of DivorceRates of Divorce


Effects of Divorce on the Couple• Divorce may impair well-being even several years later.

– Divorce Hangover: inability to “let go”– Divorce in middle- or late-life

• If the woman initiates the divorce, they report self-focused growth and optimism.• If they did not, they tend to ruminate and feel vulnerable.

– Financial problems faced by middle-aged divorced women

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Factors in Factors in Divorce Divorce DecisionDecision


• Remarriage– Despite adjustment problems, the vast majority of divorced people remarry.– Usually men and women wait about 3.5 years.

• Rates differ somewhat across ethnic groups.

– Few difference between first marriages and remarriages.• Second marriages have 25% higher risk of dissolution than first marriages (except

African American marriages).

• Second marriage rates are lower for older divorced women.

• Remarriage in late life appears to be very happy, especially if the partners were widowed.– In this case, the biggest problem is usually resistance by adult children.

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Lifestyles and Love RelationshipsWidowhood• Experiencing the death of one's spouse is a traumatic event, but one which is

highly likely.– More than half of women over 65 are widows, but only 15% of same-aged men are

widowers.

• Reactions to widowhood depend on the quality of the marriage.

• Widowed people are vulnerable to being abandoned by their couples-based friendship network.– As a result, they may become socially isolated.

• Gender differences – Widowhood is more common among women because they tend to marry older men.– Widowed men are typically older than widowed women.– Men are more likely to die soon after their spouse.

• Either by suicide or natural causes

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Family Dynamics and the Life Course

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Learning Objectives

• What is it like to be a parent? What are the key issues across ethnic groups? What forms of parenting are there?

• How do middle-aged adults interact with their children? How do they deal with the possibility of providing care to aging parents?

• How do grandparents interact with their grandchildren? What key issues are involved?


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The Parental Role

• Today, couples have fewer children and have their first child later than in the past.– Older mothers are more at ease being parents.– Parenting skills do not come naturally.– In general parents manage to deal with many challenges.

• Ethnic Diversity and Parenting– African American

• Husbands are more likely to help with household chores.• Wives do more of the cooking and cleaning.• Parents buffer their children from involvement with drugs.• Provide a cohesive, loving environment within a context of

strong religious belief


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The Parental RoleLatino

• Less likely than European or African American to be two parent families because of:– Higher rates of cohabitation– Cultural values – Out-of-wedlock births

• Mexican parents adopt authoritative behaviors in dealing with preschoolers.– Key values are familism (well-being of family takes precedence

over the concerns of individual family members) and extended family


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The Parental Role

– Native American • Because of generations of oppression parenting skills have

been lost.• Tribalism promotes strong ties to parents, siblings, and

grandparents.

– Asian • Values familism• Higher value on extended family• Key values

– Good grades in school– Discipline– Concerned what others think– Conformity


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Single Parents

Single-parent households have remained constant since 1994 at 9%.– Proportion of births to unmarried mothers is at an all time high at

37%.

– Single parents are mostly women.• 70% - African American• 48% - Latina • 25% - European

– Reasons• Decision to keep the child• Fertility rates across ethnic groups• Desire for single adults to adopt

– How are children affected with only one parent to provide child care?


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Single Parents

• Single-parents face considerable obstacles.– Financially less well-off– Integrating work and parenthood difficult

• Concerns of the single parent– Dating


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• Adoptive parents, foster parents, and stepparents – A major issue is how strongly the child will bond with them.

• Sandwich generation– Middle-aged parents caught between their children and their

parents as caregivers


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Midlife Issues: Adult Children and Parental Caregiving

• Adult Children: Becoming Friends and the Empty Nest– Middle aged parents experience two positive developments.

• Suddenly their children see them in a new light.• The children leave home.

– Only 25% report negative emotions when their children leave home.

– Difficulties emerge when children were a major source of a parent’s identity.

• However, most parents typically report distress if adult children move back home.


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Midlife Issues: Adult Children and Parental Caregiving

Caring for ones parents– Filial obligation: to care for one’s parents when necessary– 44 million Americans provide care for older parents, in-laws,

grandparents.

Caregiving Stresses– Two main sources

• Adult children have trouble coping with parents declining cognitive ability, problematic behavior, workload burnout, and loss of previous relationship with parent.

• When the caregiving role infringes on the adult child’s other responsibilities

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PerceptionPerceptionof Careof Care


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Grandparenthood

• How do Grandparents Interact with Grandchildren?– Grandparents pass on skills, religious, social, and vocational

values.– Grandchildren give to grandparents by keeping them in touch

with youth and the latest trends (computers, iPods).

• Being a Grandparent is meaningful.

• Kivnick has identified five meanings of being a grandparent:– Centrality– Value as an elder– Immortality through clan– Reinvolvement with one’s personal past– Indulgence


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Grandparents, Grandchildren, and Divorce

Grandparents raising their grandchildren– Grandparents are increasingly being put in the position of raising

their grandchildren.• Approximately 800,000 U.S. households include a grandparent

raising a grandchild under the age of 18.

– Grandparents who raise their grandchildren face many special problems.

– Reasons for raising grandchildren are varied.

Ethnic Differences– Grandparenting style varies with ethnicity.

• Latino vs. Nordic


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Great-Grandparenthood

• Increasing numbers of people are living long enough to become great-grandparents.

– Which brings additional status and meaning to one's life

• Being a great-grandparent is an important source of personal and family renewal.

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11 hus 133 relationships

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