117 inspection detection

The Fairly OddParents

“Inspection Detection”

(AN 11 MINUTE SCRIPT)#117

Story By: Butch Hartman and Steve Marmel

Written By:Spencer Green

First Draft:11/16/00Second Draft:11/27/00Third Draft:11/30/00Final Draft:12/14/00

Nickelodeon Animation Studiosc 2000 Viacom International Inc. All rights reserved

The Fairly OddParents: “Inspection Detection” Final Script by Spencer Green 12/14/00

EXT. TURNER HOME (ESTABLISHING SHOT) - MORNING

It’s the start of a beautiful day. The camera PUSHES IN.

INT. TURNER KITCHEN - MORNING

MOM and DAD are eating at the kitchen TABLE.

DADHoney-- you’ve outdone yourself again! What do you call this?

MOMCold cereal and milk!

DADIt’s marvelous!

ANGLE ON TV. A typical NEWSCASTER FACES CAMERA.

NEWSCASTERThis just in! Shoplifting rampage continues at the Wall 2 Wall Mart!

DADOh, dear heavens... NO!!!

NEWSCASTERItems stolen include a computer...

TIMMY crosses in front of Mom and Dad, carrying a COMPUTER.

NEWSCASTER ...a basketball...

Timmy crosses back, bouncing a BASKETBALL. Mom and Dad notice.

NEWSCASTER (O.S.)...a snowmobile and a full-scale wax replica of The Crimson Chin.

Timmy DRIVES INTO FRAME--from the opposite direction--on a SNOWMOBILE, carrying a WAX REPLICA OF THE CRIMSON CHIN.

DADHoney, did you notice all of those nice things Timmy has? I don’t remember getting him those nice things. Why don’t I have nice things? I want some nice things!

NEWSCASTER (V.O.)

1


If you have any information on the shoplifter, go up to your son’s room and confront him immediately!

Mom and Dad share a concerned look as we...

CUT TO:

INT. TIMMY’S ROOM - SAME TIME

Timmy, surrounded by the items we just saw and more, is holding a WISH LIST. Cosmo and Wanda float by.

COSMOThanks for getting us ready for Fairy Inspection Day, Timmy!

WANDAAll this extra wishing you’ve been doing is putting us in tip top shape to impress the fairy inspector when he grades us on our “Fairyness!”

TIMMYNo problem, Guys! And look at all these nice things I’ve gotten out of the deal!

Mom and Dad ENTER and Timmy SWALLOWS the wish list. COSMO and WANDA poof into the fishbowl.

DADYeah! Where did you get all of these nice things, Young Man?

TIMMYUh...Internet?

MOM And where did you get the internet?

TIMMYUh...

DADOur son is...the Wall 2 Wall Mart shoplifter!

(SCREAMS LIKE A GIRL)

TIMMYWhat? You don’t think I stole this stuff, do you?!?

DAD

2


(SCREAMS AGAIN)

TIMMYThat’s a yes.

TIMMY But I didn’t do it!

DAD(SCREAMS AGAIN)

Dad faints dead away. Mom begins to drag him out.

MOMThat’s it, Young Man! You know you’re not supposed to make your dad scream three times in one day! When he wakes up, you’re in a lot of trouble!

Mom exits, dragging Dad.

TIMMY(very sad)

Why don’t you believe me?

WIDEN TO REVEAL Timmy’s room, full of STUFF.

TIMMY Oh.

(beat)Get rid of this stuff! All of it!

Cosmo and Wanda poof into their fairy form and wave their wands. POOF! Everything’s gone.

TIMMY They think I’m a shoplifter! I can’t tell them you guys made that stuff for me! Look: no more wishes for a while, okay?

WANDABut, you have to make wishes! That’s what Fairy Inspection Day is about!

TIMMYThis stinks! When’s the inspection?

JORGEN VON STRANGLE APPEARS with an EXPLOSION.

JORGEN

3


IT BEGINS NOW!!!!

TIMMYOh no! It’s Jorgen Von Strangle?

JORGENYes! Do you have a problem with that?

ALL THREE(nervously) ...Uh...

JORGENGOOD! There are three parts to the Fairy Inspection. Responsibility, Number of Wishes, and Happiness.

Jorgen grabs Cosmo and Wanda, and holds them in front of Timmy’s face.

JORGEN Is that the face of a happy child?

COSMOWell... not “ha ha” happy, but...

JORGENF!

Jorgen waves his wand. A REPORT CARD appears with an “F” next to Happy. Responsibility and Wishes are un-graded.

JORGEN If you get an “F” on two of these three tasks, I will send you back to the Fairy Academy for 1000 years of training!

Timmy steps between Jorgen and Cosmo and Wanda.

TIMMYLook, uh... this is a really bad day.

JORGENWhy? Did your Godparents do something that might have made it difficult or incriminating for you to make wishes?

TIMMYNo! No! Uh...

MOM AND DAD (O.S.)(Sweetly) Timmy!

4


TIMMYComing!

Timmy starts to exit.

WANDA(to Timmy)

But Timmy! We need you to make wishes!

TIMMY(to Wanda)

Just stall him! As soon as I sort this out, I’ll come back!

MOM AND DAD (O.S.)(STERNLY) TIMMY!!!!!

TIMMYComing, actual-parents-who-I-have-to-listen-to-when-they-call-me!

Timmy exits as we...

CUT TO:

INT. FAMILY ROOM - MOMENTS LATER

Timmy stands in front of his Mom and Dad.

DADWe’re going to ask you point blank, Son. Are you a shoplifter?

TIMMYNo! In fact, if you don’t believe me, use my new lie detector!

Timmy reaches OS and pulls in a LIE DETECTOR. He puts a WIRED HELMET on his head.

DADHey... where’d you get this nice lie detector?

TIMMYInterne...

SFX: NEGATIVE BZZZT! Mom and Dad share a concerned look.

MOMOh, Timmy... this calls for drastic measures.

DISSOLVE TO:

5


INT. TIMMY’S ROOM - CONTINUOUS

Wanda and Cosmo look out of Timmy’s WINDOW, as Jorgen STARES at the two.

JORGENWhere did your puny Godchild go?

Wanda sees Mom and Dad RUSHING Timmy into the car outside. She quickly PULLS the WINDOW SHADE DOWN.

WANDAHe’s, uh...napping! To dream up some extra special wishes for us to grant.

SFX: CAR PULLING OUT OF DRIVEWAY

COSMOAnd when he snores, he sounds like he’s in a car, leaving the driveway!

Jorgen looks suspiciously as we...

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. UNKNOWN ROOM - LATER

CLOSE ON Timmy, apparently alone in a dark room. Lights are TURNED ON TO REVEAL Timmy, in front of a POLICE LINE-UP, along with AJ, CHESTER and FRANCIS. The COP from the BIG PROBLEM stands with Mom and Dad.

TIMMY AJ! Chester! Francis? Where am I?

CHESTERYou’re in a police line up.

A.J.Your Mom and Dad are trying to show you what kinds of bad things happen to shoplifters.

FRANCISAnd you’re in my spot.

As Francis moves Timmy out of his way, a WALKIE TALKIE FALLS OUT OF FRANCIS’ POCKET. It has an electronic STORE SENSOR still ATTACHED to it that FLASHES “NOT PAID FOR.” Timmy picks up the walkie talkie.

TIMMY Look! This was stolen from the Wall 2 Wall Mart!

6


Mom, Dad and the cop turn and see Timmy holding up the game.

COP(re:Timmy)

Wow, your son can shoplift! Gray kid, other kids, you’re free to go.

FRANCISCool. I’m gonna go shoplift! I mean help my grandmother with the baby!

Francis LEAVES. Chester and A.J. stay.

TIMMYNo! Stop him! He’s the shoplifter! Not me, him!

(to Mom and Dad)You’re my parents! You’re supposed to trust me and believe me!

MOMWe do believe you!

DAD(pointing to Cop)

But we believe him, too! And he’s got a badge! (BEAT) Hey, why don’t I have a nice badge?

TIMMYIf you won’t listen to me, I’ve got no choice but to prove I’m innocent! AJ! Chester! Evasive Maneuver 12!

A.J. OPENS Chester’s mouth. The light in the room BOUNCES OFF Chester’s braces and blasts a hole in the wall like a laser beam. Timmy, still holding the walkie-talkie... runs through the wall, to the outside.

TIMMY (re: Walkie-Talkie)

If you need me! Call me on this!

CHESTER AND AJWe will! / RUN TIMMY!!!!

Timmy sees Francis in the distance, running.

ON TIMMY

7


TIMMYIf I follow Francis and the cops follow m, I can prove he’s the shoplifter!

(back to the hole in wall)Come on!! See if you can keep up!!

UNKNOWN ROOM - Several COPS flood into the room.

DADOh no! Our son’s a fugitive! (SCREAMS)

COPFind that running shoplifter and get him back here, dead or alive!

MOMWhat?!?

COPSorry! Alive! Not dead! Alive! I get a little carried away...

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. TIMMY’S LIVING ROOM - SAME TIME

Cosmo, Wanda and Jorgen sit uncomfortably on the couch.

COSMOSo? Uh... Jorgen? How’s the muscles?

JORGENLarge, gigantic, and beginning to think you puny fairies are stalling!

WANDADon’t be silly! How about a little “we’re not stalling” mood music?

Wanda elbows Cosmo, who starts to “play” his arm pit as Jorgen glares and Wanda covers her ears.

WANDA(to self) Hurry back, Timmy... I don’t know how much of this I can take...

DISSOLVE TO:

MONTAGE - TIMMY ON THE RUN

ON TIMMY running through a SWAMP. A PACK OF POLICE DOGS follows him, BARKING.

8


ON TIMMY, pushing his way through a DESERT. Sand blows against his face. We PAN BACK to see the pack of police dogs, now followed by a PACK OF CAMELS.

ON TIMMY, NECK DEEP IN SNOW, pushing through a SNOW STORM.

We PAN BACK to see the dogs, the camels, and behind them, the Cop and Mom and Dad in a dogsled.

MOMTimmy! Come back! You’ll catch your death of wet, heat and cold!

ON TIMMY at the end of the desert, where a CLOWN greets him. We WIDEN TO REVEAL he’s at a carnival with a swamp, desert and arctic wasteland.

BIG JOEThanks for coming to Big Joe’s Swamp, Desert and Arctic wonderland!

Timmy runs onto the street and hides around a corner.

TIMMY’S POV - We see Francis walking down the street.

TIMMYFrancis.

A HELICOPTER flies by overhead. Timmy scrunches.

TIMMY (to self) I just gotta stay free until I can get to the Wall 2 Wall mart.

Timmy pulls the walkie talkie out and talks into it.

TIMMY Chester! AJ! Come in! Over!

TIMMY’S POV - We see Chester and AJ, looking around.

CHESTER AND AJ(whispered)

Timmy? TIMMY? Where are you?

TIMMY Guys! GUYS!

Chester and AJ see Timmy and run over.

A.J.

9


We’ve been looking all over for you! We want to help prove your innocence!

TIMMYThanks, Guys.

CHESTER We’ll always be there for you, Man.

Suddenly, a helicopter light hits the three of them.

COP (V.O.)Nobody move!

CHESTER AND AJ(pointing at Timmy)

IT WAS HIM!!!

Chester and AJ instantly run like hell.

TIMMYThanks, Guys! You’re the best!

CUT TO:

INT. TURNER FAMILY ROOM - LATER

COSMO continues to play his “Arm-monica,” finishing another PUBLIC DOMAIN SONG. Wanda winces as Jorgen angrily looks at his watch.

JORGENYou only have two hours left! Why do you delay? Did you do something that got your Godchild in so much trouble, he is incapable of wishing for things?

WANDA(nervously to Cosmo)

Do another one! Do another one!

Cosmo’s pit farts out a B-Flat. Wanda winces.

COSMO“Feelings...”

Jorgen rolls his eyes as we...

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. - NEAR THE WALL 2 WALL MART - LATER

10


Timmy hides around a corner as Francis walks toward the Wall 2 Wall mart. It’s swarming with cops and the media.

TIMMYThis is Timmy, calling Chester and AJ. Where are you?

ON CHESTER AND AJ -- at the entrance to the Wall 2 Wall mart. They talk into their walkie talkie.

CHESTER We’re in front of the store, Timmy!

A.J.But the cops have got it surrounded! There’s no place for you to sneak in!

Francis walks past them, shoving them aside.

FRANCISMove it, geeks.

TIMMY (V.O.)(over walkie-talkie)

Listen carefully...

ON TIMMY - TALKING ON WALKIE TALKIE.

TIMMYHere’s what I need you to do...

CUT TO:

INT. - TIMMY’S ROOM - CONTINUOUS

JORGENEnough! Time is almost up! Wake your godchild and prepare to be inspected! Now!

WANDAWho wants some nice TV?

Wanda uses the REMOTE to TURN ON the TV.

On the tube: Mom and Dad are being interviewed.

DADI wish I had some of that nice stuff!

Wanda FLIPS to another channel. On it: a TV movie...

ANNOUNCER (V.O.)

11


We now return to “Shoplifting Shame: The Timmy Turner Story!”

GARY COLEMAN (V.O.)Shoplifting? Whachoo talkin’ ‘bout?

Wanda flips channels: A REPORTER stands outside the Wall 2 Wall Mart where CROWDS of PEOPLE have gathered.

REPORTERI’m live at the Wall 2 Wall Mart, where shoplifting fiend, Timmy Turner has been captured returning to the scene of the crime!

COSMOCaptured?!

JORGENSo, Timmy was not asleep! Your bumbling caused the public to think he’s a criminal! You have failed in your responsibility as Fairy Godparents!

Jorgen takes out the Inspection List and is about to cross out “RESPONSIBILITY...”

WANDASo what!?! It’s just a stupid inspection! You want to send us back to the Fairy Academy, fine!! But right now, Timmy needs our help!

Wanda poofs OS. Cosmo looks nervously at Jorgen.

COSMODON’T KILL ME!

Cosmo poofs OS.

JORGENThey stood up to me, and my awesome muscles, to save their Godchild. Responsibility... A!

Jorgen puts an “A” next to “RESPONSIBILITY.”

JORGEN But they only have fifteen minutes left before they run out of time and I fail them! HA! HA HA! HA! HA!

CUT TO:

EXT. WALL 2 WALL MART - SAME TIME

12


ON THE COP and MOM AND DAD

COPWe’ve captured your son. It’s all over now.

One cop brings a KID with a pink hat in from the left, ANOTHER KID from the right. From behind, they look like Timmy.

MOMBut... we only have one son!

The cops whip off the pink hats revealing Chester and AJ.

DADAnd these kids are neither of him!

COPYou kids are in a lot of trouble.

CHESTER AND AJ IT WAS HIM!!!

ON ENTRANCE - Timmy slinks up.

TIMMYIt worked! Chester and AJ did an great job of diverting those cops!

A POLICE SPOTLIGHT hits Timmy.

MOM (V.O.)Timmy!

ANGLE ON: A phalanx of POLICE CARS, POLICE OFFICERS and MEDIA PEOPLE-- gathered around the store. Mom yells into a MEGAPHONE; Dad is beside her.

MOMPlease don’t shoplift! Especially not twice at the same place!

TIMMYI’m not a shoplifter! And I’m going to make you believe me!

Timmy bolts into the store.

CUT TO:

INT. WALL 2 WALL MART - SAME TIME

13


A huge megalopolis of a store, actually the size of a small city, complete with TRAFFIC LANES, TRAFFIC LIGHTS, STREET SIGNS and POLICE OFFICERS directing traffic, and CUSTOMERS DRIVING GOLF CARTS from one section to another.

TIMMYJeez, this place is huge...

A wave of cops enter. Timmy dives behind drums labeled “PLUTONIUM.’ The cops are closing in.

TIMMY...but I can’t lose track of...

Timmy looks to see... FRANCIS happily stuffing item after item down his shirt, into his jacket and into his pants.

TIMMY AHA! See? Francis is the shoplifter!

ANGLE ON everyone, turning toward Francis.

ANGLE ON Francis...with a HALO over his head, as he PATS a cute little PUPPY on the head.

ANGLE ON everyone, disapproving, turning back to Timmy.

ANGLE ON Timmy, looking toward Francis.

ANGLE ON Francis, STUFFING the dog into his jacket.

ANGLE ON TIMMY, completely frustrated.

TIMMY Okay, I’m outta here.

Timmy TAKES OFF.

ANGLE ON Timmy, RUNNING, as a HELICOPTER FLIES over him.

HELICOPTER PILOT (V.O.)Timmy Turner is making a left down patio furniture...

INT. TURNER LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS

Jorgen is still watching TV. ON THE TV, we see an OVERHEAD “CAR CHASE” with Timmy SPOTLIGHTED as he RUNS.

JORGENThey interrupted my show for this?

14


CUT TO:

INT. WALL 2 WALL MART - SAME TIME

Timmy follows Francis into the huge ELECTRONICS AREA, filled with LARGE SCREEN TVs, VIDEO EQUIPMENT, etc. Francis is shoving tons of things in his pocket.

TIMMYOkay, Francis! Admit it! Admit you’re the shoplifter!

FRANCISDuh. Of course I am! But who cares? Nobody believes you!

Mom, Dad and the Cop run in. The cop grabs Timmy.

COPAlright, Son. You leave this law abiding, grey child alone.

ON A WALL OF VIDEO EQUIPMENT: Cosmo and Wanda poof in -- Cosmo as a surveillance CAMERA, Wanda as a FOR SALE! SIGN.

WANDAKeep a keen eye out for Timmy!

COSMOYou got it, lamb chop, I... (beat)Oooo! Look! There’s a sale on lard!TIMMY’S POV - We see the Cosmo camera.

TIMMYA Cosmo-Security Cam! Ordinarily, I’d never do this to a police officer...

Timmy steps on his foot and wrenches himself free.

TIMMY But YOU PEOPLE AREN’T LISTENING TO ME!

He climbs the equipment wall toward Cosmo.

DADGo for the DVD player! It’s nice!

Timmy climbs a wall of video equipment like a mountain, and then grabs the Cosmo-Cam. He hits a button on Cosmo, who belches out a video tape with a BELCHING NOISE. Timmy holds a video tape in his hand. Above him, SWAT members are starting to repel down from helicopters.

15


SWAT GUYSHup! Hup! Hup! Hup!

TIMMY(to Wanda)

I wish I had a parachute!

POOF! Timmy leaps off the really high shelf and parachutes down next to Francis. The cops grab him.

MOMPlease, Timmy! We love you and they just want to help!

TIMMYYeah? Do you love me enough to give me a chance to show you you’re wrong?

DADBut we’re parents! We’re never wrong!

MOMThat’s not true... remember when I made that exploding pie? And you thought two and two was five?

DAD(to Timmy)

Well, okay... One chance. But if you’re wrong, it’s off to the clink!

The cops let him go. Timmy OPENS UP Francis’ jacket and removes a VCR Francis was going to shoplift. He pulls out a TV Francis was going to shoplift. He plugs it into a portable power GENERATOR Francis was going to shoplift. He puts the tape in the VCR and shows... LARD. Lots of Lard.

TIMMYLard... lard... lard...

COPOkay, Son, this has gone on enough...

TIMMYBut I... I...

EVERYONE(GASPS)

ON TV - Francis takes a gigantic DRUM OF LARD and puts it in his coat pocket.

16


MOMI can’t believe it!

DADI know! Look at the size of that drum of lard that Gray kid stole! Why don’t I have lard like that?

Police officers POUNCE on Francis, SHAKE HIM DOWN. Loads of store-stolen BOOTY falls out of his pockets, etc.

FRANCISUh... I got those off the internet.

COPRIIIIGHT.

Mom and Dad stand sheepishly, as Timmy CROSSES his arms.

DADGosh, Son... I guess just because you HAD nice things didn’t mean you stole them. We should have trusted you more.

MOMWe love you, Timmy. And we’re sorry. Can you ever forgive us?

They hug Timmy.

TIMMY’S POV: Cosmo and Wanda, still disguised, smile.

TIMMYWell...

(looks at his watch)Two minutes left!

(back to the parents)OKAYIFORGIVEYOULOVEYOUBYE!!!

Timmy runs around a corner.

DADWhere did he get that nice watch?

We hear an O.S. POOF! as we...

CUT TO:

INT. TURNER FAMILY ROOM - SAME TIME

Wanda, Cosmo and Timmy POOF into the room.

17


JORGENOne minute left, Puny Fairies! You’ll never...

Timmy WHIPS OUT a LONG LIST and reads...

TIMMYI wish for a unicorn, a tank, a Chip Skylark laser show, the bear on a unicycle, Riverdance performances and the Chinese Olympics Gymnastics Team, including Gold Medal Winner, Keng Fui!

Wanda and Cosmo WAVE their WANDS dramatically, then POOF!

A STAGE APPEARS in the middle of the family room with CHIP SKYLARK on it as LASERS SHOOT OUT BEHIND HIM.

CHIP SKYLARKIcky Vicky! Vicky Icky! Icky Vicky!

As he CONTINUES, the cast of “Riverdance” CROSSES in front of the stage; the Chinese Olympics Gymnastics Team does a variety of FLOOR EXERCISES; a UNICORN GALLOPS on stage, the bear on a unicycle rolls through; and finally a SHERMAN TANK ENTERS FRAME and SMASHES through a WALL. It all concludes with a FIREWORKS DISPLAY; the Olympics team making a PYRAMID; Chip holding the unicorn in one hand; and Riverdance spelling the word “JORGEN!”

Silence...as Cosmo, Wanda and Timmy wait, breathlessly, for Jorgen’s review.

JORGENHappy... Revised to an “A.” Responsibility... “A” and wishes...

He lifts the Inspection List...and gives the “Wishes” portion...an “A!”

JORGEN “A!” Your delay tactics were obviously part of your overall presentation.

WANDAUh... sure.

COSMOWe’ll go with that.

JORGEN

18


Very impressive. Highly original. DON’T EVER DO IT AGAIN!!!

Jorgen POOFS out of the living room, taking everything in the room out with him.

WANDAWe passed! We passed!

TIMMYYeah! And my parents trust me again! But I’m gonna have to be smarter about where I keep the stuff I wish for...

We hear LOUD TANK WHEELS TURNING. Timmy looks outside...and there are Mom and Dad in the Sherman Tank.

DADWhere did you get the nice tank, Son?

TIMMYUh... Internet?

MOMWorks for us!

Mom and Dad climb inside the tank and DRIVE it down the street, CRUSHING CARS and MAILBOXES, as we...

FADE TO BLACK.

19

117 inspection detection

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