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12 Comebacks for Dealing with Rude People

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Lifestyle | September 09, 2014


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Lifestyle September 09, 2014


by One Thing New

What do you say to someone who asks you a rude or inappropriate question, or says something offensive?

[Learn: Communicate with Confidence]

That was what several friends asked after I shared my advice on Getting Unstuck from Sticky Situations. What do you say, they wondered, to questions like, “Have youlost weight?” “How much money do you make?” “Is that your real nose?” “When are you going to have children?” and “Did you mean to wear that today?”

Finding the right comeback can be a tricky thing. Assuming you’re unable to ignore the person or just walk away, how you handle inappropriate remarks says as muchabout your own character as the person ticking you off. And the comeback choices are limited if the insulting person is your boss —assuming you want to keep your job.

[Read: Mean Girls at Work: Why Women Are Bullies]

So let’s say you don’t want to handle rudeness with rudeness. For me, that means passing on the two-word expletive that’s top of mind when I’m confronted with the rudeand offensive. It also means refraining from tossing out overtly snarky lines, such as, “Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?” or, “I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try

being more intel ligent,” or, “I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce,” or “I see you’ve set aside this speci al time to humiliate yourself in public,” or “I will always cher ish the initial misconceptions I had about you.” And you certainly can’t use the line that a wisecracking Ginger Rogers offered up in the1937 film Stage Door : “It must have been hard on your mother, not having any children.”

No, we’re trying to be civil here. So instead , consider these comebacks when you’r e flabbergasted at the cluelessness of the person standi ng before you. These repliesmight not be as satisfying as an expletive or that snarky rejoinder, but hopefully they get the job done.

1. Excuse me, but did you actually just say… (Then summarize what they said, pouring every ounce of incredulity you can muster into the retelling in the hopes theother person will realize how inappropriate their comment was.)

2. So sorry, I wasn’t listening. Can you repeat that?

[Read: Master the Art of Active Listening]

3. Right.

4. Well, I think we’ve reached the end of this conversation.

5. Whatever you say.

6. You don’t really expect me to answer that, do you? (And if they say “Yes, I do expect an answer,” I refer you to a comeback line from The Princess Bride : “Getused to disappointment.”)

7. That’s the most pretentious thing I’ve ever heard. (Then laugh.)

8. You’re kidding, right? Hold on. You are kidding, right?

9. Ouch. Did you mean to be that rude?

10. Help me understand why you think that was an appropriate thing to say–and why you think I should answer you.

11. Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view. (Courtesy of Yahoo Answers).

12. My apologies. I don’t speak English.

For the record, I hated being asked, “When are you going to have children?” after I got married. While “It’s none of your business,” is, in my opinion, a perfectly validresponse, I usually offered up, “When do you need to know by?” Though I have to say that Ginger Roger’s line was very tempting.

Editor’s note: T his article was originally published o n One Thing New and we at Levo fully admit that some of these responses could be taken as, well, blunt. To that end,we wanted to add a few of our favorite Levo-approved community responses.

13. Oh! Enough about me! What have you been up to lately? If they persist, a brief “I’d rather not say” should be enough. Smiling broadly, of course!

14. I think that was a bit rude or You just offended me might be a bit more polite and effective.

15. I’m sure you didn’t mean for that question to be rude/intrusive/inappropriate, but that’s how it sounded . But even less confrontational would be to just blink,and politely say (with a bland expression) “excuse me?” Then wait. Usually they realize their blunder, and either apologize or try to blow past their embarrassingmoment.

16. I don’t really know how to answer that. Simple, to the point.

What do you think? Add your comeback to the comments below.

Photo: Thinkstock

Topics: coworkers , lifestyle 2 , personality« Prev Article Next Article »

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1moKisha Canipe

I had this happen on Christmas day, wasn't sure how to handle a question thrown to me in a populated area and one lady whom had ALOT of opinion I am not even sureof her name much less why I took a second to entertain her , but if I had it to do over I would say lets make this a group conversation please group leaders, and then ask everyone how they handle their health situations since some like beer, others cigarettes, and opiods and on and on each to thier own way of handling their storm, ya knowmy grandma hid us in a closet when it thundered I like dancing in the rain so during our daily unhelpful therapy lets allow the one that is without sin or sickness lead , so

jesus has allowe d me to realize people that look down thier nose at others are too busy not reflecting on their own life.. Don't get me wrong if I was in anyway dancing ontables being disrespecting, I would need a calling down but when you walk up and ask someone can I help you since your hurting and they turn it around your the bad guyI would say get a Dr.appt

Reply

2moSheryl Pieroni

fun article. and fun feed. thank you.

Reply

7moAlexandra Dowling

I love this one!

Reply

7moClairene Hunt

I always try to remain humorously snarky and reply sarcastically. But I do love some of these.

Reply

8moAriane Mandel

my personal favorite. Arms crossed, stare. "I understand you feel that way. Thank you for letting me know." More staring. Don't break eye contact, because then it is allover. The person you are staring at will slowly back away.

Reply

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8moAnonymous

luek hemmings is rlly ceut

Reply

8moAnonymous

these are by far the lamest comebacks ever

Reply

8moAnne Urbananer

I love to respond with..."I'll Pray for you"

Reply

11moDeanna Graves

My mother always told me to simply stare at them with a smile that could freeze fire for a suitably awkward amount of time Then say something along the lines of So...(and bluntly change the subject - e.g.I hear your daughter was just accepted to Stamford..)

Reply

11moAnonymous

I love #9. That would be all I would need to say!

Reply

1yAnonymous

My mother always taught me to turn it around and say, "Why do you ask?" and then wait for them to falter.

Reply

1yAnonymous

I think the last four are a bit rubbish

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1yAnonymous

A man I had known for an hour, asked me when I was going to have children. I looked over at his daughter, then said: "I'm not. I don't like children.".It was a bit mean, but there were no follow up questions.

Reply

1yAnonymous

Rather than saying "I don't speak English," try "I don't understand that dialect"

Reply

1yAnonymous

Sorry, I'll go old school and use the ever obnoxious 2-word expletive

Reply

1yAnonymous

I agree...responding with snark, even if you think you're being humorous, would be just as rude as the original comment. How about turning things around and saying"Oh! Enough about me! What have you been up to lately?" If they persist, a brief "I'd rather not say" should be enough. Smiling broadly, of course!

Reply

1yMonique Tatum

Or how about simply saying "I think that was a bit rude" or " You just offended me" -- that might be a bit more polite and also much more effective.

Reply

1yMonique Tatum

Or how about just saying….I think that was rude. Or Im sorry but that offended me. I think that might be a bit easier.

Reply

1yAnonymous

Wow...yeah, I agree with Rina. Most of those comebacks are polite. In fact, just by calling them "comebacks", it implies that you're trying to one-up the person, and insultthem, but look a little more controlled while doing it. A truly polite reply would be "I'm sure you didn't mean for that question to be rude/intrusive/inappropriate, but that'show it sounded." But even less confrontational would be to just blink, and politely say (with a bland expression) "excuse me?" Then wait. Usually they realize their

blunder, and eith er apologize or try to blow past their embarrassing moment. You h aven't been confrontational, you haven't deliberately humiliated them, and hopefullythey've learned a lesson. You know, some people just weren't taught social graces, and humiliating them doesn't teach them a thing.

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1yAnonymous

Oops...I meant are NOT polite.

1yRina Liddle

I would never use the above suggestions, I find them to be quite rude too. My favourite response is: Is that a rhetorical question? Or: I don't really know how to answer that.

Reply

1yErnesto Izquierdo

Here's another reply: "Can we do a short exercise? Let's change positions for a minute: how would you feel if it was me in your shoes, you in mine, and I told you whatyou just said to me."

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12 comebacks for dealing with rude people - levo

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