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14. Papua New Guinea

Country number fourteen. Traveling around the world makes it difficult to be as informed

about every nation and culture you come in contact with as you would like to be. Border

crossing procedures and the like are mandatory, no question about that; to know why a

nation is the way it is and how it was shaped by history is another one. When I arrived in

Port Moresby, the capital of Papua New Guinea (PNG), after two flights (Bali → Cairns;

Cairns → Port Moresby) I knew very little about this country. What I knew was that

PNG had a weird, almost straight line border to the western neighbor Papua.

over 800 languages besides Tok Pisin (national language) were spoken on this

comparatively small island due to the many native tribes living in the mountains and

the lowlands, isolated from the rest of society by dense forests and swamps.

the national flag of PNG was way more beautiful than the one of Germany. The fact

that it shares the same colors with the German national flag is a brief reminder that

PNG was partially occupied by Germany during the colonial era which ended during

WWI.

the country had been shaped extensively through the contact with Western

countries during the colonial period. Not only products like Coca Cola and beer had

made their way to PNG, but also Christianity. Church after church on the main roads

testify of the great missionary effort which was invested into PNG. Today statistics

claim the country’s population to be over 90% Christian.

Not too much for the start but the most important thing for me to know was the fact that

somebody was awaiting me in PNG: My friend and brother in the Lord Mathias served

with Mission Aviation Fellowship (MAF) as a pilot flying out of Mount Hagen, a major town

in the highlands of PNG, into the remote parts of the country. For the major part of my

time in PNG I would stay on the same compound with him and his wife Mandy who also

worked for MAF in the field of Public Relations. Therefore I was fairly relaxed knowing

that I could learn the important things about country and culture step by step.

After a beautiful flight over dense forests divided by meandering rivers, I finally arrived

in Mount Hagen on December 15th. Sadly my backpack had missed the flight and would

arrive a day later, but that did not matter to me at all: I was greeted by my friend and a

beautiful rainbow standing over the airport reminding me once again that God was with

me. When I was told by Mathias that one of the pilot families was on vacation and that I

would therefore have my own house (for a small fee), I was even more looking forward to

the upcoming weeks leading all the way into the new year of 2019.

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14.1 Mission Aviation Fellowship

Looking at the last one hundred fifty years it is amazing to realize what humanity has

achieved in terms of technological progress. One of the most outstanding innovations is

the one of aviation: This innovation was made possible by many inventors who dedicated

their lives to the goal of overcoming the restraints of gravity and to soar through the sky

free like a bird. Most of those inventors were willing to pay a heavy price for this goal in

testing their invented flying machines themselves. Otto Lilienthal was one of those

inventors finally paying the ultimate price for his dream when he crashed during one of

his test flights in 1896. Reading some of his written works accompanying his very

practical endeavors gives us an inside to the vision this man had about a future with

aviation. A vision which probably led him to the willingness to put his life on the line:

“The borders of the countries would lose their meaning because they could no

longer be shut off; the differences in languages would blur with the increasing

mobility of people. The defense of the country, having become impossible, would

cease to devour the best forces of the States, and the compelling need to settle

the disputes of nations in ways other than bloody struggles over the imaginary

boundaries would give us eternal peace.“ Otto Lilienthal, 1894 [32]

What a beautiful vision. In a sense it is good that Otto Lilienthal did not have to see that

aviation would not only fail to “give us eternal peace” but that it would in some cases bring

war, death, and destruction to the next level starting as early as 1914 with World War One.

On top of that it is certainly good that he did not have to live with the knowledge of

aviation being perverted to the ultimate level considering intercontinental missiles

carrying nuclear warheads and therefore the potential death of mankind altogether.

This sad development cannot drown out the fact that

aviation has many beautiful facets which are

admirable. Bringing development, healing, and the

Gospel to all the nations is one of those beautiful facets

and when those three words come together in the

realm of aviation, MAF [33] or Mission Aviation Fellowship is one of the main global players

which needs to be mentioned: Founded after the Second World War by US American,

Australian, and British pilots, this mission’s organization had the primary goal of reaching

people isolated from the rest of society with the Gospel as well as with physical needs like

food and medicine. As of today the operation of MAF which started with one little airplane

in one country has expanded to a global network of over 130 airplanes flying in over 30

countries, largely funded by donations. Disaster relief after catastrophic events like the

Indian Ocean Tsunami in 2004 or the earthquake in Nepal 2015 is another major field in

[32] preface of the 2003 reprint of O. Lilienthal’s work “Bird flight as basis for the art of aviation” (translation of the original German title “Der Vogelflug als Grundlage der Fliegerkunst”) [33] use of MAF logo with friendly approval of https://www.maf-deutschland.de/

https://www.maf-deutschland.de/

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which MAF helps people in dire need and which gives MAF the worldwide attention it

rightly deserves. I learned about the work of MAF when I was just a little boy since the

parents of a pilot flying for MAF attended the same church as my family. Immediately I

was fascinated about this work and I am still to this day. I guess some things never change.

Since PNG was almost on my way to Australia, visiting MAF in PNG was a must, especially

since I had friends working there. The time I could spend in Mount Hagen on the

compound for MAF employees – interrupted with a short intermezzo in Wewak on the

northern shore of PNG - was awesome on so many levels: For once – as mentioned now

multiple times – knowing for the upcoming weeks in advance where to sleep is a valuable

thing. Secondly I had lots of time for reading my Bible, praying, and working on the project

“the Cross in the Torah”. Third: It is hard to describe how valuable it was for me to spend

time with Mandy and Mathias from Germany and with people from all over the world

working for MAF. Samuel for example, a young guy working in maintenance for a major

German airline, spent a major part of the year in PNG to keep the planes of MAF airworthy.

Satish, a former NAVY pilot from India, was flying for MAF while his wife Sonali worked in

Human Resources. Just from the top of my head this list could be expanded with people

from Switzerland, the US and the Netherlands. Those people could earn a ton of money and

live a comfortable life with their professions in their line of work back home. Despite of

this, those brothers and sisters have followed God’s call to serve with their passion people

who often cannot help themselves and who probably would not hear the Gospel if it

wasn’t for the work of MAF. It was a privilege to meet those people; to spend time with

them, to learn from their testimonies, to listen to the hardships which also come with

working on the mission field. I would not trade this time for the world. The fact that I could

join my friend Mathias on one of his flights was a bonus on top of that.

Top left: Mathias with one and Matthias with two t’s Right: Breathtaking beauty: The highlands of

Bottom left: Delayed start due to heavy rain Papua New Guinea

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Mandy and Mathias Glass from Germany Maintenance on a Cessna C208 of MAF

As a little boy the aspect of aviation in the work of MAF was the one which fascinated me

the most. Using this technology to give people in the jungle a lifeline to society and sharing

with them the Gospel came in second. As soon as new newsletters of MAF came out, I

would look first for the pictures of those beautiful airplanes. After that I would read the

articles which told about the reasons why this work is so important.

Today this order has reversed: Not only the aspect of aviation in relation to serving but

also the order within the serving aspect of MAF. I remember years ago a conversation

which I had with a good friend of mine: She as an atheist told me that she liked the work

of MAF but that she could not understand why missionaries and Bibles were flown into

the bush. For her this was a waste of resources and sadly back in those days – also far

away from God – I could not give her a good answer. Today I think that I could. Physical

and medical needs are important for sure and MAF meets those needs as best as they can

with a budged largely based on donations. However many of those tribes in PNG and also

in other parts of the world lived in darkness until MAF brought missionaries and the

Gospel to them: Unforgiveness, hatred, and revenge were the principles after which tribes

fought each other for generations over things somebody had done to somebody decades

ago. Witchcraft and also cannibalism were two other things rooted deep in the indigenous

population of PNG. Living together in peace and harmony is close to impossible under

those circumstances. Testimony after testimony could be given of how the Gospel has

changed entire tribes; how forgiveness and hope have replaced hatred and despair. Such

a change cannot be accomplished with food and medicine. This can only be done with a

power strong enough to drive out darkness of the hearts of people: The Gospel, the good

news about Jesus Christ.

Sometimes I wish that I could have certain conversations again now that I have more

answers. Today I pray not only for the pilots, the airplanes, and a safe conduct of the flight

operations of MAF: While this is important, other aspects of the work are at least as

important if not more. I pray for the wives and families. I pray for harmony between those

people involved in the work of MAF: The devil hates the work of MAF and he is good in

using difficulties which naturally come with an international work environment to create

mischief. I pray for love and unity. And I pray for wisdom in the leadership to use the

budget largely based on donations as effective as possible to build God’s Kingdom.

God bless MAF!

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14.2 Why I love and hate aviation – my testimony

One thought which always comes to my mind when I meet a person which is odd and

maybe even difficult to deal with is what might have happened to this person in the past.

While the past is not necessarily an excuse for behaving a certain way, it often helps to

understand why a person has become the way the person has become. On the following

pages I will share why I have become the way I have become. A huge factor in this process

was aviation which I learned to love as well as to hate over time.

14.2.1 Setting the stage

In 1987 I was born into a loving family with finally three siblings. It was a good and save

environment to grow up in with all of its good sides and all of its imperfections as well.

However at some point there came the time when the protective belt around my life had

to open up to share this young guy with the world: School, church, sports just to name a

few. For some people this transition is easy, for some it is not. For me it was difficult since

I seemed to constantly bump into the people around me through the many edges of my

character. Even in church it was difficult for me to connect and find friends. When it is

difficult for somebody to find friends even in church you can kind of imagine how difficult

it might be for that person to find friends in sports and school, especially when this person

answers the question “Do you believe in God?” with a “yes”. Many people today despise this

mindset or at least look to it as inferior, as out of date. The very few physical attacks that

I had to endure did not really engrave too deep into my mind: It was more the feeling of

being a misfit, of not being accepted anywhere as the person I was that did the damage. I

guess it is not necessary to hold the qualification of a psychiatrist to imagine that this does

something with a young person over the years. There are different ways to deal with such

a situation. As for me: I increasingly chose to take refuge in a dream world in which things

were just easier. In which the protagonist was the hero and just fit in everywhere he went.

Hollywood provided a vast amount of roles to pick and choose from.

Very early in my life - I guess my age was still one digit - aviation was introduced to me

through the TV series “The Flying Doctors” and it sparked something deep within me. I

just loved aviation for its technical aspects, for its complexity, for its beauty of seeing the

world from a different perspective, and also for many key characteristics which come

along with it on the part of the personal involved: Being professional, responsible,

dependable, part of a team which works together to achieve something which is bigger

than just the sum of the individual efforts. A team which not only works but also sticks

together. And ultimately - of course - the image of a pilot appealed to me. Being one of the

cool guys. People usually associate certain properties with a person who is a pilot and

those properties are usually very positive. I thought to myself: I would love to become a

pilot one day! And to a certain degree I think that I believed back then that this would be

the end to all of my troubles in life. However the way to finally realize that this belief was

fundamentally wrong was long, full of obstacles, and quite painful.

https://youtu.be/ZS3nX8i1z5o?t=24

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14.2.2 You have been measured … and found absolutely wanting

One of the first big obstacles to get into aviation was I myself. Over the years of being a

misfit in school, church, sports, you name it, I had developed the routine of not letting

people see my weak side; not letting people see that I am vulnerable. Quite logical:

Somebody tries to bring down a tree which does not fall straight away and this might

cause that somebody to move on to the next, maybe smaller tree. This scheme involved

portraying to the outside an attitude of not caring about anything which included my

school grades. On top of that I was lazy: Very, very lazy! Combining this with the way more

enjoyable practice of drinking alcohol and smoking with the few friends I had, this became

a toxic cocktail which led to my school grades deteriorating down to a level where I had

to repeat the tenth grade. Fun fact: Here you are, reading a book written by an engineer

in English, and this engineer now discloses the information that the subjects which “broke

his neck“ were Math and English. Life is ironic sometimes. In the grades eleven to thirteen

I finally caught myself with my attitude towards school to a certain degree, mostly since

the kids which used to be quite cruel in younger ages grew up to maturity. On top of that

it also finally dawned on me that life was knocking at my door and that my grades were

important.

In my graduation year of school I decided to give it a shot with an attempt of becoming a

commercial pilot. First stop: Military. Since I had to be examined for the mandatory

military service anyways and since this first superficial examination revealed no obstacles

to becoming a pilot, I applied for the officer’s program in the flying armed forces. In

December of 2006 I passed the officer’s examination which had the purpose to determine

whether a person has the personal qualifications of an officer who would later have the

task of leading people. During this first stage of the assessment center the two officers who

presented the news to me that I had passed the examination told me that my test results

were better than average. However combined with my school grades they were only

average. It was a nice compliment combined with a resounding slap in the face. My waking

up in school had been a little bit too late. But average was better than under average. Hope

arose. Happy and excited I started to prepare for the second stage of the assessment center

and the medical examination which would follow in early 2007.

A couple of weeks before my second examination I accompanied my mother on a Sunday

to a church service she regularly attended. Since I was still part of the church I grew up in

while my mother had changed churches, it was something out of the ordinary for me to

join her. During the service something remarkable happened: A man who did not know

about my upcoming examination got up and walked to the front to share a vision which

he had during worship: He talked about a young man who was distracted by a "hovering,

roaring monster, which attracts all attention". Before this man returned to his seat, he

called that young, distracted man to turn back to God. Since I was in the process of

becoming an aviator in the German army - meaning helicopters - and since I spent lots of

time preparing for my examination while totally neglecting spending time in the Bible and

in prayer, I knew that this vision had a name tagged to it:

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My name! Unmistakably. A hovering, roaring monster? The description fit a helicopter

perfectly. A young man distracted by that hovering, roaring monster? The description fit

me perfectly. I denied the obvious and hoped that the vision had been for somebody else.

I really wanted to pass this examination and become an aviator. Instead of repenting from

my sin of idolatry (putting aviation above God) I tried to tame the "hovering, roaring

monster, which attracted all attention": I diverted more of my resources regarding time

from preparing for the examination to praying and reading the Bible in a foolish attempt

to - I guess – indirectly negotiate with God and change his mind: How much is enough?

How much do you need of my attention so I can still become a pilot?

When the second stage of the assessment center finally took place in early 2007 it started

very good and even with something which I first interpreted as a possible “sign” that

things were going my way: While my first day of the examination went good the other five

to six candidates who shared the same room with me and who were tested for the same

program had all been sent home. Hope arose! Lonely but happy I settled down for the

night in a huge room full of empty bunks. The second day of the examination however was

over quite fast when the medical doctor discovered a color vision deficiency with my eyes.

He told me that I was totally color blind and that I would never be able to fly. A crushing

verdict which hurt. A lot! The one profession I loved I would not be able to do. The only

good aspect about my situation was that the final school examinations and after that the

mandatory military service of nine months laid ahead which caused me to be distracted

to a certain degree. Delay your sorrows until tomorrow.

Fast forward one year: During military service I contemplated about the other options

which I might have as a professional career. However I realized very soon that nothing

would come even close to my dream of being an aviator and since the requirements for

civil commercial pilots are different from the requirements for military pilots, I decided

to give it a try with one of Germany’s big airlines. Before I started the assessment center

comprised out of three stages, I visited an eye doctor who after a short and superficial

examination made me hope that the state of mine was not at all as hopeless as the doctor

in the army had diagnosed me. Hope arose! This hope got even bigger when I received a

letter after the first stage that I had passed the examination. While the third stage would

be the medical examination, the second stage of the assessment center was all about

testing the applicant’s abilities to work in a team in demanding and stressful situations.

At the end of the first day I got the exciting news that I was allowed to come back the

following day while again a major part of the candidate group was sent home. Since the

following day would only include a simulator test and the final interview, I was very

confident that the hours and hours of preparation for the different tests had paid off. Hope

arose! The simulator test was demanding but I felt like a dug in water. The instructor

assessed my performance with “good” and off I went to the very final step of becoming

accepted into the ab initio training program of a major and well respected airline. All I had

to do was to show two captains of the airline and two psychiatrists that I would fit into

the company after the first stage of the assessment center had already shown that I was

mentally capable of working as a pilot in general. Here is where things went wrong: After

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an in my opinion good and easy conversation and a short consultation of the board in my

absence I was presented with the following verdict: The board could not see my

motivation and therefore I would not be considered for the training program. A final

decision which could not be objected to.

The next morning I woke up in my bed after having made the long journey back home the

day before in a state of shock and disbelief: This can’t be. This can’t be true. No motivation?

What are you talking about? I have put my life on hold to prepare for the assessment. I have

not pursuit another option as plan B to solely focus on this test and you tell me that I do not

show the proper signs of motivation? I remember sitting on my bed while the entire might

of this verdict began to make its way through to my continence … and I remember crying

like a little child for a long time. This was different from my failed attempt in the army:

There was nothing to take my mind off the fact that I would have to start from scratch

again while my motivation for anything but aviation was close to zero. On the other side I

also did not feel like going through this entire assessment thing once again since it took a

lot of time, a lot of energy to prepare, and also a lot of strength. Emotional strength.

Hoping, fighting the doubts, and hoping once more without being certain about the

outcome.

Again fast forward. After the shock had settled and I had thrown my fishing line into

different directions, I finally started to study Mechanical Engineering in 2009. It was not

my first choice, also not my second or third one: Architects - my second choice - would be

looking into a difficult future in Germany as I was told at a consultation of the German

Office of Work, and an entry test for becoming an industrial designer – my third choice - I

had failed in the eyes of the board by a long shot. This way I ended up violating one of my

strongest convictions which I had had during my years in school: “I will never ever become

an engineer!” To me this line of work was a sandwich made out of dry bread with the filling

of more dry bread. I chose it because I did not know what else to do. I had also decided

that I would try for a third and final time to become a pilot in an ab initio [34] program:

During my semester breaks I again prepared for an assessment center, this time with five

stages at a major European airline. Since this would be my final attempt, I prepared

extensively and even visited training courses which specifically prepared applicants for

aviation assessment centers. Together with the traveling costs this meant that the

preparation phase this time would not only be time consuming but also expensive. While

I did not like to spend so much money on this endeavor with an unsure outcome, I was

also sure that I would regret it for the rest of my life if I would not give it my all this time.

The first three stages comprised of a mental capability tests and two individual simulator

tests I passed in 2010. The fourth stage before the final fifth stage - which would be mainly

about personality - was the medical examination which was split into two parts:

[34] ab initio means in general „from the start“ ( → in pilot training programs: No prior practical experience in aviation is required)

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1st: A civilian eye doctor qualified to test for pilot requirements

2nd: The airline’s intern medical

After the civilian eye doctor had given me a green light I was

super happy. On the other hand I was still tense as well: During

the examination the civilian eye doctor had performed the

standard tests for color vision: Out of 30 Ishihara plates

(example on the right [35]) I had made “0-1 mistakes”, in words

“zero to one mistakes”. This meant that I had problems with

one of the plates. I had told the doctor what I saw and after

that I had decided for the correct answer. The doctor said that

from her point of view this was fine and she even asked me whether I wanted her to report

this uncertainty to the doctor who would conduct the final airline internal medical. I told

her to report it since the medical examination is an ongoing part of being a pilot and I did

not want to start the expensive training - which I would have to pay for partially - only to

get the boot after a couple of years. So she wrote it down. I would have a final test and

verdict at the internal medical. Hope arose! At some point even to the extent where I was

almost certain that this would work out. Again I had passed all the tests up to this point

which had been more demanding than all the tests of the previous assessment centers and

now I had even passed the eye doctor who assessed me fit to fly.

The airline’s internal medical a couple of weeks later was over pretty quick: At first the

doctor wanted to send me home straight away after reading the eye doctor’s report. After

an argument he finally agreed to put my eyes to a final test. After two rounds in the so

called Lanterntest (1st round: 1/12 mistakes; 2nd round: 0/12 mistakes) the verdict was

unshakeable: I would get a Second Class Medical if desired but a First Class Medical

mandatory for flying commercially was off the table. The door had closed on my dream of

becoming a commercial pilot for good. Three times I had made my way through

assessment centers. Three times I had almost made it all the way to the end. Three times

hope had risen stage after stage after stage. And three times I had failed. To say it with the

words of the movie “A Knights Tale”:

“You have been weighed, you have been measured, and you have been found

absolutely wanting." A Knights Tale

14.2.3 “God, just so you know: You Suck!”

Some things in life are just hard to describe: Words seem to fail their purpose of conveying

the meaning they are supposed to convey. This is true for me trying to describe how I felt

after that final and unshakeable verdict. Today I envy people who do not grow up

[35] based on “Eight Ishihara charts for testing colour blindness, Europe, 1917-1959” by Science Museum, London. Credit: Science Museum, London. CC BY / Changes to the original: Background of Ishihara chart cleaned, modification to the color (by www.kontaktlinseninfo.de), and vectorized by author.

https://youtu.be/tdhQWkTl1PQhttps://wellcomecollection.org/works?query=ishiharahttps://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/https://www.kontaktlinseninfo.de/fehlsichtigkeiten-sehschwaechen/rot-gruen-sehschwaeche/

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developing a strong passion for a profession. People who can just say: “Yeah, why not.

Sounds interesting. Let’s do it.” Having the passion for something and not being able to live

it out must be one of the most difficult things in life to deal with. At least this is my

conviction. What I did not understand at this time was how this all made sense with the

existence of God. I had no doubt about God’s existence: The evidence for that is

overwhelming. However knowing that God exists does not make things easier necessarily.

The claim from many Atheists that Christians simply cannot deal with the reality of there

being no purpose to life and that people who believe in God need some kind of delusional

phantasy world as an anchor to live is absolutely nonsense. To the contrary: Believing in

God is sometimes hard. Very hard. Sometimes it even feels impossible. If God is really

almighty and loving: How can bad things happen? In my case: How can he give me this

strong passion for aviation and the mental abilities to fly without the possibility of ever living

this out as a profession? How can I reconcile this?

After the final ‘No’ I tried to hold on to my faith, to push through this major crisis in my

life. I also hoped that God would come through in a miraculous way. But time passed and

nothing happened. It kind of felt that my prayers went out into the vacuum of space to be

swallowed up by that nothingness. “God, are you there? Would be nice to hear from you.”

Finally at some point I just gave up the attempts to reconcile reality with my beliefs. I

remember sitting in a train looking out the window while my anger towards God boiled

over. I said to him that I don’t understand him. That to me the last couple of years failing

over and over and over again after almost making it had some similarities to the analogy

of a father who stretches out his hand full of candy to his child while always pulling back

his hand when his child tries to grab some of it. Was this the picture of a loving father?

Not to me. To me it looked more like a cruel father who should never be allowed to have

children. I don’t remember all the details of what happened then: To the best I am able to

recall I cursed God. Told him that I hated him. That I did not want to have anything to do

with him anymore if he was like this. I kind of knew that this was wrong but it felt so good;

like a valve finally opening after a long time building up pressure. The last thing I told him

before I “cut the line” was that there were only two options for him to make me ever talk

to him again:

a. Give me a job in the cockpit. Somewhere. Somehow. I don’t care. Or

b. Help me to find joy in life in some other way.

This way I left the door open but only a little bit. What followed was the darkest time of

my life. I stopped reading the Bible, I stopped praying. I just did my thing the way I saw fit.

Thing was: The further I strayed away from God and the more I tried to fill my emptiness

inside with all the entertainment that I could find out there in the world the more I

realized that this was not working. Today I compare my situation back then with a cup

full of holes: The more I poured everything this world advertises as satisfying into this

cup called life, the more it felt like the state of fulfillment might be an illusion. At least

some unfortunate people like me never reach it. Very few times I went to churches but

not with the intention to pray and worship: Mostly I was sitting in the back rows while

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silently laughing about the fools in front of me who were worshiping a loving and

wonderful God. I laughed about them and at the same time I envied them. I wanted to

believe in a loving and good God as well; but I couldn’t. And anyways: I had burned the

bridge behind me and turning back was not an option.

At some point, still during my studies, I got the opportunity to acquire my pilot’s license

for general aviation aircraft to very favorable conditions. While my fellow students used

their spare time and the semester breaks to go on vacations and partying, I earned the

necessary money and studied for the flight examinations. I recall some of the happiest

moments of my life during the time of flight training: The excitement of studying the

theoretical requirements for what lay ahead. The thrill of taking off the first time without

an instructor. The relief after surviving my first solo cross-country flight. The happiness

after the passed practical examination. The pride when the flight instructor congratulated

me on my performance and asked whether I wanted to become an instructor myself. The

joy of taking friends and family with me into the sky. The overwhelming awe witnessing

some of the most beautiful sceneries in Europe. The precious comradery with fellow pilots

in good times and in times of grief over friends we had lost in accidents. And I also recall

that all of those nice aspects of aviation still did not fulfill me. Once the moment was over

the emptiness kept creeping back in. Nothing was able to fill the emptiness inside of me.

I had entered a self-destructive spiral which took me deeper and deeper spinning around

my own thoughts. In a sense I would compare the state of mine back then with a drowning

man who tries to swim to the surface while he stiff-necked refuses to take his eyes from

himself to look to where the light is breaking through the surface. I remember standing at

a train station almost every day during an internship in Berlin 2012. Many times I thought

to myself while the train was pulling in: Man, just take two steps forward. A couple of

seconds of pain and terror and it is over. And then you will get the chance to stand before

God and tell him: “God, just so you know: You suck!” And then … well, and then. This “And

then” was what actually kept me from considering this option more seriously.

14.2.4 The Prodigal Son’s long way home

Some of the most destructive battles in life are the ones which have to be fought but we

refuse to fight them. I started to realize this late in 2013 when I for some reason listened

to a sermon which focused on the men in the Bible who fought with God. Especially King

David in the Old Testament was such a man who chose to talk to God very earnestly and

openly about his feelings. A man who chose to fight with God. A man who reminded God

constantly about his attributes and his promises. A man after God’s heart as we can read

in 1. Samuel 13,14 and Acts 13,22. And God through his Holy Spirit chose to preserve those

fights in the Psalms which we can read the Bible. Why? What was his intention with that?

In an age of facebook and Instagram where people usually portrait a beautiful façade to

the outside world we might have difficulties to understand this. God is not interested in

polished, shiny people who only show facade. People who smile and worship while inside

they only submit grudgingly to his authority without the courage to speak their minds.

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God is interested in a relationship and a relationship without its ups and downs is dead,

at least when our human nature is involved. Some times are good, some times are bad,

and the bad times are the ones in which a relationship really grows. In which roots go

deep into the ground to provide strength and stability for the battles to come. Looking at

multiple Psalms of David in the Old Testament we can read how he fought with God:

Bluntly, passionately, but with reverence and awe. Not forgetting who he was talking to.

And then at some point in the Psalm we can take a pen and a ruler and draw a line: The

argument stops and David starts to worship God. Either because God had already come

through in David’s difficult situation - which were often life threatening - or David trusted

that God would. I realized that I could learn a lot from David: I had told God over the years

lots of times how I felt, what my hopes and dreams where. Also what I feared. However, I

had never really fought with him the way David did. I had bottled up my anger, pain, and

frustration to a point where it burst out uncontrollably. Therefore I had skipped the first

part of David’s Psalms - arguing and fighting with God - and I had replaced the second part

of the David’s Psalms - turning from argument to worship - with a cut of communication.

Through my pilot’s license, through the final end of my studies, and also through the

relationship to a young, beautiful woman I had started at this point in time to feel again

some joy in life, and according to option b. - which I had given God when I cut the

communication - I could now “legally” make my way back towards God. However, feeling

some joy and realizing that I had made a mistake in my relationship with God did not lead

to a five minute act of repentance on the floor after which everything would be back to

normal: Reluctantly I started to make small steps back towards God over time. There were

still things which I had to process. There was still anger and pain which I did not want to

bury. There was still anger and pain which God did not want me to bury either: He wanted

me to bring it to him, to deal with it, and to let him help me deal with it. The biggest hurdle

for me was to make the conscious decision to trust God again: Trust him that he is good.

Trust him that he has a good plan for my life. Trust him that he does not delight in seeing

his creation suffer. In front of the background of me sometimes thinking that I would favor

this life to be over, this was a step which took time and faith. Trust is a huge aspect of the

Christian faith as we can see with the faith heroes mentioned in Hebrews 11. Therefore the

importance of trusting God cannot be overstated and has to be taken into account when

we as Christians say that we are saved by faith (Ephesians 2,8-10).

Step by step I made my way back home. I started to spend time in prayer and in the Bible

again. In that process God revealed more and more things to me about himself: Who he is,

who I am talking to. He also revealed to me a lot of things about myself which led me to

change over time by cutting out more and more things from my life which God hates.

When I think about this process, this long journey, it reminds me of the parable of the

“Prodigal Son” which we can read in the Gospel of Luke 15,11-32: In this parable a son took

his part of the father’s inheritance and went out into the world to find fulfillment in life by

squandering everything he owned for what the world had to offer in terms of pleasure

and entertainment. At some point he realized, broke and disillusioned as he was, that life

at his father’s place was not so bad after all. In fact it was very good: Even the slaves had

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more than enough of everything. So he decided to go back to his father and ask for his

favor in a humble and submissive way. Then we read:

But while he [the son] was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled

with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and

kissed him. Luke 15,20 [NIV]

The father who represents God in this parable did not follow the prodigal son away from

the place where he knew his son belonged. The son wanted to go and the father let him go

since free will is a crucial aspect of a relationship. Even though he knew that the son would

run into trouble he did not force him to stay in his presence. But when the son returned

to his father, repented from his bad ways, the father came for the son to bring him all the

way back home: He did not let him walk all the way to the door step but he met him along

the way. This is what I see happened in my life as well: I made a step towards God, he

made a step towards me. Not in order to make a compromise: God is good and wants us

to come all the way to him if we want to live in his Kingdom. However he helps us get back

to him as soon as we start to turn towards him. This is what I am absolutely certain about.

Combined with the parable about the “Lost Sheep” - which we can also find in Luke 15 - it

taught me another tremendously important aspect about God’s character:

I [Jesus] tell you that […] there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner

who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to

repent. Luke 15,7 [NIV]

God is an emotional being who has compassion for his creation and who feels joy about

even just one person who turns towards him. God did not keep it a secret in scripture of

him being emotional: It is mentioned over and over again. However we sometimes tend

to forget about this and see him as a kind of detached, distant, and stoic being. Like a

scientist looking into his test tube perceiving everything that is going on in there without

a shred of emotion. This is not the case. A person suffering in this world: God is suffering

with this person! Injustice against the weak, widows and orphans: God is angry! Parents

weeping for their child which they have lost: God is weeping with them! We should never

forget that. If we don’t know about this aspect of God’s nature then we don’t understand

who God truly is. And it is tremendously important that we know God and that he knows

us (Matthew 7,21-23; John 10,14; John 17,3).

14.2.5 The end?

At some point along this process of turning back to him, God showed me that it was time

to cut off some things which tied me to the past. One thing was for example a big folder

which contained all of my documents related to my three attempts of becoming a

commercial pilot. I think that I kept it unconsciously as an accusation against God even

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though I knew that I would never be able to “present my case”. Before whom? So I burned

it. But it did not stop there: Late in 2016, I was exposed to a movie from a Christian

ministry called The Last Reformation [36] and the teachings of the Pioneer School [37]. Even

though I was skeptical and sometimes even annoyed by some of the teachings and the way

they were taught, I saw a lot of truth in it. Truth which I had not heard before. In early

2017, when I saw my brother returning totally changed from a three week discipleship

course in the Netherlands, it pushed me over the edge: I had to find out for myself what

was behind all of this. So I signed up for this discipleship course as well.

The three weeks however turned out to be very different from what I had anticipated

them to be: While I saw healings and deliverances and how the life of a disciple looks like

in a very practical way, God focused on working on me. The analogy which Curry Blake

from John G. Lake Ministries (JGLM) [38] uses fits quite well to this process: Since followers

of Christ are supposed to grow into the fullness of Christ (Ephesians 4,11-15), there are

two predominant perceptions in Christianity of how this works: One is that we are a

sculpture made out of clay and in order to look like Christ we have to put on more material,

put on more anointing etc. This is the one perception. The other one is a Christian being a

block of marble on which God works through his Holy Spirit. He chips away everything

that does not look like Christ until we at some point look like him. At this discipleship

course God chipped away a huge chunk of my marble block: Aviation itself. He helped me

to open my eyes to the reality which I had refused to see all the way since this man at

church shared the vision about the “hovering, roaring monster, which attracts all

attention”: Aviation was an idol in my life!

It was interesting to see that even some Christians around me did not understand my

perception of aviation being an idol in my life and even – while very subtle – tried to make

me rethink my decision to quit flying. An idol is not restricted to what we read in the Bible

as being sculptures made out of wood, stone, or metal. An idol is something that is equally

important or even more important to a person than God:

“I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of

slavery. “You shall have no other gods before [or besides] me. “You shall not

make for yourself an image in the form of anything in heaven above or on the

earth beneath or in the waters below. You shall not bow down to them or

worship them; for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God […] Exodus 20,2-5 [NIV]

It was a painful decision. However I knew that this was the only way to go forward in my

relationship with God. And it was also a good way of putting my trust in God to the test: I

believe that he knows better than I what is good for me. Therefore I told him that I quit

flying as long as he doesn’t give me a sign that it is his will for my life to fly again. This sign

[36] TLR, The Last Reformation – The Beginning [YouTube ∑100min] [37] TLR, Pioneer School [YouTube series] [38] JGLM, Curry Blake DHT 01 Doncaster, Australia 2010 [YouTube series]

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would have to be crystal clear, not ambiguous. I also told him that I would only fly again

for a good cause, meaning as a profession for a ministry like Mission Aviation Fellowship.

As a leisure activity, aviation is simply too demanding for me. Sometimes I still miss

aviation. Of course. There were so many beautiful aspects to it. However some of my love

for aviation made room for hatred towards it as well. Hatred since it pulled me far away

from God and since it was the root cause for the darkest time in my life. God is worth losing

aviation for. Aviation is not worth losing God for. It is as simple as that and knowing that

this area of my life is now placed in his hands is a good and comforting thought.

14.3 Fruit

On two occasions during my stay in Mount Hagen I went out with a couple of brothers on

mountain bikes to explore the beautiful surroundings. In the process we also shared the

Gospel and gave away Bibles and tracts. Fun times: As a “wait man” (white man) you never

have problems in PNG to gather a crowd around you. If you want to as we on our endeavor:

Awesome. If you don’t: Not so much. One of those encounters with a huge group resulted

in an invitation to their church service the following Sunday - which I gladly accepted.

What followed was one of those events on my journey which I cherish the most: Already

before I entered the village located close to the Mount Hagen airport, I was suddenly

surrounded by a group of young children who escorted me all the way to the church

building where I was greeted by a colorful delegation. The pastor wearing an awesome

“Jesus” necktie was very excited since I was the first “wait man” in his church for a long

time.

Delegation of the church My escort to the village

We entered the church, a simple wood framed building with sheet metal on the roof and

dirt floor. As I had already expected they did not just want me to observe the service: They

wanted me to preach which I gladly did. After an awesome worship time which makes

other churches with all their sound equipment and light effects pale in comparison, I

shared a testimony from my journey followed by the Gospel. The full Gospel, as simple

and clear as I understand it. After that I finished with what it means to be born again, with

the steps into the kingdom of God. After I had ended with a prayer, I was about to sit down

again but the pastor encouraged me to give an altar call. Reluctantly I did it. Reluctantly

not because I had not done that before: That is a weak argument in any are of life. I was

reluctant because I feared that me being a “wait man” – which sometimes is still regarded

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as something special in PNG – would have something to with people coming to the front

while my skin color should have nothing to do with a decision for Christ. After

emphasizing that I had nothing more to give to those who would come to the front

compared to anybody in this church with the Holy Spirit, I called people to the front who

wanted to submit their lives to Jesus. About a dozen people answered to that call. After I

had prayed for those people the pastor approached me and said to me: “This is your fruit!”

As stated in chapter 01. Germany, this was one of the reasons why I made this journey:

I wanted to see fruit! Therefore I cannot put into words how much this sentence meant to

me. Since it was one of the last days for me in PNG, I could not have asked for a better

farewell present. I will never forget that!