Telling Your Story

19 October 2016

Getting your message across

in a concise and effective way.

“The collaborative operation of machinery in time critical

situations assumes the use of unmitigated language….

…language that doesn’t hedge, qualify, weaken

or soften…

(language)…that delivers unvarnished and

unambiguous messages”.

People generally have a hard time doing this…

because they are people with feelings and social expectations

about relationships.”

Our Problems

We write too much…and we don’t write

clearly.

We structure our information poorly.

We fail to imagine what our audience needs.

We live in a culture that discourages

challenging behaviour.

Implications

We’re not engaging our readers.

No one wants to read what we write.

No one needs to read what we write.

We don’t have a point of view.

We don’t present a range of options.

We don’t explain the implications of various

options.

People don’t need to grapple with our point

of view.

People don’t value our input.

We’re not articulating a strategy.

We’re not communicating

effectively.

Why do we write too much ?

HBR Oct 2016, pg. 55

–Why Leadership Training FailsHBR Oct, 2016 Pg. 55

“In our work helping managers have honest conversations about

the effectiveness of their organizations, we hear about six

common barriers.”

Six Barriers to Change

• unclear direction on strategy and values;• senior executives who don’t work as a team;• a top-down or laissez-faire style of management;

Six Barriers to Change

• poor organizational design, lack of coordination;• no time or attention given to fixing talent issues;• fear of talking about obstacles to effectiveness.

We write too much because no one tells us

to stop.

Please stop.

Other reasons we write too much

We don’t know what people want…

so we give them everything.

We’re trying to protect ourselves.

We think no one is reading what we write.

We don’t talk about the value of clarity and

power.

Be clear;Be well-organized;Be brief;Be informative.

When structuring a document,

apply critical thinking.

Ask three important questions:

1) What problem are we trying to solve ?

2) What does “good”look like ?

3) How will we know when we get there ?

Audience needs.

Our audience is busy.

Our audience is looking for more information.

Our audience wants to make a decision.

Our audience are generalists.

Bad writing can sabotage good thinking.

Robert D. BehnKennedy School of Government.

“EFFECTIVE POLICY WRITING IS CONVINCING BECAUSE OF THE COHERENCE OF ITS UNDERLYING LOGIC-AND BECAUSE OF THE CLARITY OF ITS PRESENTATION OF THAT LOGIC.”

Robert Behn, 2012

No writer can save poor thinking.

Tools

Measuring text

readability-score.com

Govt. of Sask. briefing note.

Average Score = 30-36

Good score

Bad score

Aim for:• A score of 50 or better;• 10 - 15 words per sentence;• Grade level between 6 - 8.

Grade Six readability is hard to achieve, but it’s not “dumbing

down”.

B. ObamaM. Obama

H. ClintonD. Trump

0

22.5

45

67.5

90

Readability ScoresMajor Convention Speeches

July, 2016

B. ObamaM. Obama

H. ClintonD. Trump

0

2.25

4.5

6.75

9

Grade LevelMajor Convention Speeches

July, 2016

Text Analysis of recent govt. writing.

cominglementsunitization

re-locatables

Your new targets

12 -15 words per sentence

Reading Ease score:

50 or better.

Readability grade level

6 to 8

Using readability score to improve writing.

Using numbers in stories

–Nate Silver

“The numbers have no way of speaking for themselves; we

speak for them.”

–Silver: The Signal and the Noisepg. 9

“Before we demand more of our data, we need to demand more of

ourselves.”

Numbers need context

• Always• Be• Comparing

The US Federal Air Marshal Service spend $800 million annually.

That $800 million represents

• 40% of what the US Secret Service spends;• 10% of what the FBI spends annually.

Know the difference between numbers and

stories.

Here’s some other stories…• Only 5% of US flights have an Air Marshal;• Since 9/11, there have been no hijackings;• There have been more arrests of Air Marshals• than by Air Marshals since 9/11.

abstract to concrete

The whole tendency of modern proseis away from concreteness.

George OrwellPolitics and the English Language

1946

Concrete narratives use superlatives to move

the story along.

fastest, newest, oldest, strongest,first-ever.

vernacular eloquence

“If we read every sentence aloud carefully…and if we then fiddle and adjust

our words until they feel right in the mouth and sound right in the ear, the resulting sentence will be strong and

clear.”

–Prof. Peter Elbow

Questions

• Do you write multiple drafts ?• Do you read them out loud to someone else ?

Parting thoughts

In your documents/presentations….• convey a big idea;• covey what’s at stake;• Convince me I should care.

Exhibit a clarity of intent

• What problem am I trying to solve;• What does ‘good’ look like;• How will I know when I get there ?

Rejected opportunity cost

• What happens if I do nothing ?

An audience transformed

• The highest goal;• Now that I’ve read this, I know this;• Now, I have to do something.

A presentation template

We had a big idea• It’s important because—• This idea came from—• We talked to these people, and they said—

Here’s how our big idea changed

• We were surprised to discover—• New information created these new insights—• Here’s why these insights are valuable—

The value proposition

• Our big idea will improve a process/save money/• make life better for people in the following ways—

Rejected opportunity cost

• If we do nothing, here are the consequences—• Here’s what they are doing on other jurisdictions—

No that you now all this

• You must—

questions