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Caterpillar, releasing blue smoke Caterpillar, releasing blue smoke that forms into a butterfly, replies, that forms into a butterfly, replies, “My dear Alice, the answer “My dear Alice, the answer is, of course, completely up to you.” is, of course, completely up to you.” A t the end of four years, the high school that had seemed incredibly large to Alice when she started had begun feeling much too small. Behind the old school, in back of the Dumpster, Alice notices a large, white rabbit. She is surprised to see that the creature – after looking at an iPhone and mumbling about being late – drops down a rabbit hole. She looks in after him. “I wonder, is this a door to a better life?” And... And... AND in she falls... “Oh, crap on a cracker. If anyone catches this If anyone catches this on video, I‛m sure to become a meme.” on video, I‛m sure to become a meme.” Landing in a pile of admissions papers, Alice Landing in a pile of admissions papers, Alice comes slowly to her senses. Upon a desk there comes slowly to her senses. Upon a desk there is a bottle with a label that says, “Boones Farm is a bottle with a label that says, “Boones Farm for a cheap, fuzzy navel – Drink me.” Being for a cheap, fuzzy navel – Drink me.” Being thirsty, she does. thirsty, she does. What follows is a miasmic convergence of What follows is a miasmic convergence of people and places, a ‛90s-style montage foreign people and places, a ‛90s-style montage foreign to Alice, who is not sure she hates how boys to Alice, who is not sure she hates how boys leer at her, but shudders when dissecting leer at her, but shudders when dissecting the rabbit in meat class, slurps too loudly the rabbit in meat class, slurps too loudly at the sorority tea, and gets lost in the woods at the sorority tea, and gets lost in the woods at Pertle Springs, where she comes upon a most at Pertle Springs, where she comes upon a most peculiar creature – a caterpillar hitting on a peculiar creature – a caterpillar hitting on a bong. “Who are you?” bong. “Who are you?” “Ah. Who is anyone? I am a cheap plot device to advance this literary rip-off and you… I‛m not sure what you are.” The wisp of wisdom gains Alice‛s confidence and thus she confides in as strange a stranger as ever she‛s met. “I felt so big in high school, but here… Do older boys see me as a leggy little anime Lolita?” “Hmmm... Is that how you see yourself, Lolita? Errr. Alice?” “Oh, I just don‛t know. And my teachers... One they call the Red Queen, and she‛s a first-class Beee-atch. And there‛s the one they call the White Queen, so nice I could barf. “Should I show them I have a brain, too?” “Perhaps that would be too slimy. But what seems best to you, Alice?” “ “ Variety Variety , , they say they say ...” ...” Caterpillar Caterpillar yawns languidly before taking yawns languidly before taking another hit from his hookah. another hit from his hookah. “... is the spice of life.” “... is the spice of life.” “How will “How will it all end?” it all end?” asks Alice. asks Alice. J.C. VENTIMIGLIA/ Wonder Burg illustration FREAKY FREAKY There are just so many changes and they‛re all coming faster than Jell-O shooters and double-breasted double entendres at a rush party. S-s-slurppp... S-s-slurppp... PAGE 6 WONDER BURG, WARRENSBURG, MO., FRIDAY, SEPT. 7, 2012 WONDER BURG, WARRENSBURG, MO., FRIDAY, SEPT. 7, 2012 PAGE 7

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Caterpillar, releasing blue smoke Caterpillar, releasing blue smoke that forms into a butterfl y, replies, that forms into a butterfl y, replies,

“My dear Alice, the answer“My dear Alice, the answeris, of course, completely up to you.”is, of course, completely up to you.”

At the end of four years, the high school that had seemed incredibly large to Alice

when she started had begun feeling much too small.

Behind the old school, in back of the Dumpster, Alice notices a large, white rabbit. She is surprised to see that the creature – after looking at an iPhone and mumbling about being late – drops down a rabbit hole. She looks in after him. “I wonder, is this a door to a better life?” And... And...

AND in she falls...“Oh, crap on a cracker. If anyone catches this If anyone catches this

on video, I‛m sure to become a meme.”on video, I‛m sure to become a meme.”Landing in a pile of admissions papers, Alice Landing in a pile of admissions papers, Alice comes slowly to her senses. Upon a desk therecomes slowly to her senses. Upon a desk thereis a bottle with a label that says, “Boones Farm is a bottle with a label that says, “Boones Farm for a cheap, fuzzy navel – Drink me.” Being for a cheap, fuzzy navel – Drink me.” Being thirsty, she does.thirsty, she does.

What follows is a miasmic convergence of What follows is a miasmic convergence of people and places, a ‛90s-style montage foreign people and places, a ‛90s-style montage foreign to Alice, who is not sure she hates how boys to Alice, who is not sure she hates how boys leer at her, but shudders when dissecting leer at her, but shudders when dissecting the rabbit in meat class, slurps too loudly the rabbit in meat class, slurps too loudly at the sorority tea, and gets lost in the woods at the sorority tea, and gets lost in the woods at Pertle Springs, where she comes upon a most at Pertle Springs, where she comes upon a most peculiar creature – a caterpillar hitting on a peculiar creature – a caterpillar hitting on a bong. “Who are you?”bong. “Who are you?”

“Ah. Who is anyone? I am a cheap plot device to advance this literary

rip-off and you… I‛m not sure what you are.”

The wisp of wisdom gains Alice‛s confi dence and thus she confi des in as strange a stranger as ever she‛s met. “I felt so big in high school, but here… Do older boys see me as a leggy littleanime Lolita?”

“Hmmm... Is that how you see yourself, Lolita? Errr. Alice?”

“Oh, I just don‛t know. And my teachers... One they call the Red Queen, and she‛s a fi rst-class Beee-atch. And there‛s the onethey call theWhite Queen, so nice I could barf.

“Should I show them I have a brain, too?”

“Perhaps that would be too slimy. But what seems

best to you, Alice?”

““VarietyVariety,, they say they say...”...”CaterpillarCaterpillar

yawns languidly before taking yawns languidly before takinganother hit from his hookah. another hit from his hookah.

“... is the spice of life.”“... is the spice of life.”

“How will“How willit all end?” it all end?” asks Alice.asks Alice.

J.C. VENTIMIGLIA/Wonder Burg illustration

FREA

KYFR

EAKY

There are just so manychanges and they‛re all