2 3154d08b83123592aeebd-8d843fb834210a267bd8e4d2a55e3599.r65.cf2.rackcdn…we passively accept what...

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Voices affect choices. Choices

become voices. Every day there

are internal voices telling us,

“You’re not good enough, you’re

not strong enough, you’re not

smart enough, or you’re not pretty

enough.” There are also external

voices—friends, parents, teachers—

telling us who we are or what we’re

capable of doing. Some of these voices

tell us the truth, and some tell us lies.

When we are unaware of these voices,

we passively accept what they say about

us. When we hear them and are aware of

their messages, we can actively choose to

listen only to the voices that are telling us

the truth.

Every action we take affects the people

around us and becomes a voice to them.

Something as simple as us choosing not to

pass a soccer ball to a certain teammate makes

a statement. Our voice in their head is saying,

“I don’t trust you.” When we are aware that our

actions affect other people, we can choose to

use our voice for good.

You are here today because you want to affect the next generation. By the time

you complete this training, you will grasp the concept of “Voices and Choices” for

yourself, and be able to explain it to other people. You will be able to implement

a method of teaching using experience and metaphor to connect an individual

student’s morals to his or her daily life. You will also have a working knowledge

of all of the games that we will use.

It is important for our emotional, social, and spiritual health to always be

“sandwiched” in mentoring roles. We should always pursue mentorship for

ourselves, and always seek out opportunities to mentor those around us.

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What is this event going to look like?

ACTIVE EXPERIENTIAL LEARNING

When we talk about experiential learning, we mean that we’re going to

play team-building style games, and then debrief what we learn from

the metaphor of the game. Experiential learning is incredibly powerful.

It incorporates all the parts of a person—mind, body, heart, and social

factors. Unlike traditional forms of learning that “splash” information on

the mind, experiential learning “dunks” the whole self into an interactive

form of learning.

A LARGE GROUP PROGRAM

When a community shares an experience, they have a common language—

anyone in the group can talk with anyone else in the group about their

experience. This means teachers can take what the group learned and talk

about it in classes. Students can talk about their experience with their friends

over lunch. Learning and accountability is greater when a topic is learned by

a large group.

SMALL GROUP MENTORING

By breaking the large group down into smaller groups, each student

receives individual attention. Students gain a sense of comradery. Names can

be used and students feel less intimidated to participate. Group members

have the opportunity to share perspectives and learn more about each

other’s individual stories.

This is where you come in. Your role today is to be a group mentor.

What is a mentor?

A mentor is a person or friend who guides a less experienced person by building

trust and modeling positive behaviors. An effective mentor understands that

his or her role is to be dependable, engaged, authentic, and tuned into the

needs of the mentee. The key to being a good mentor is being a good listener.

Bump Day

There is an anxiety that comes over many people when they are asked to be a

mentor. But let’s not get crazy. The goal of the day is not necessarily to transform

a person in a single day. It’s simply to bump someone in your group.

HELP SOMEONE ELSE

TELL SOMEONE ABOUT YOUR CHANGE

KEEP A CHANGE

FIND A MENTOR

MAKE A CHANGE

MAKE A FRIEND

PLAN TO CHANGE

THINK ABOUT CHANGING

THINK ABOUT ACTIONS

HATE PEOPLE LESS

HATE PEOPLE/DO BAD THINGS

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LECTURE

BOREDOM

CONTROLLABLE

CHAOS

MEMORABLE

EXPERIENCE

The Flux

You may notice that it is hard to keep the right balance between maintaining

control of a group and boring them out of their minds. Finding this balance is

the key to memory retention. Lecture is controllable, but will eventually lead to

boredom. Experiential learning is memorable, but can lead to chaos. The key is to

switch from one to the other as you see boredom or chaos creeping in.

Method

INSTRUCTIONS FOR EACH GAME

Do it first - there will be a set of instructions for you. Just play the game! Have

fun! Write down what you hear the people say and what you see them do.

Draw it out - there will be a set of questions for each game. Read each question

first, understand it for yourself, and then ask it in your own words.

Drive it home - this is your chance to drive home the point of the game. A

metaphor for each game has been written out for you to use, but you are

not required to use this metaphor if something more applicable to your

specific group comes up during the “Draw it out” section. The questions are

there as a tool for your use.

BEST QUESTIONS

What? The goal is to find out from the group’s perspective, what actually

happened during this game. When asking these questions, make sure

to involve multiple people from different perspectives - the winner, the

loser, and the person who stayed detached from the game should all

answer this question.

So what? The goal is to find out why it matters how each individual acted

during the game. Draw out connections between students’ actions during the

game and actions they take in their everyday lives. “Do you always get mad

when things don’t go your way, or is this a one time thing?”

Now what? The goal is to see the steps necessary to change. A great question

would be, “How would you like to respond differently the next time you face a

situation like this?” The goal as the leader is to ask questions that will take them

somewhere they would not go themselves.

Mentor tips

CREATE TRUST

People tend to be more genuine and open if they see someone be honest

and open. It is very helpful to take some time at some point to tell a genuine

story about yourself. The story is not meant to get you attention or take the

focus away from the people in your group, it’s a tool used to help create an

atmosphere of trust and openness. The more genuine you are, the more

genuine people will be in return.

CREATE AN ENVIRONMENT

Establish your authority at the beginning of the day. Do this by using a

commanding voice to call the group to order and appearing you know what

you’re doing (we didn’t say you need to feel like you know what you’re doing…

just appear that way!)

TWO PERSON KNEE TO KNEE

Instruct your group to find a partner,

Have each pair face each other with their knees touching.

Have them touch hands, pinkies, or fists.

Require them to make unbroken eye contact for 60 seconds

Have one person tell the other person about themselves. Here are some

conversation options:

Describe every person in your family. What do they look like? Who do you get

along with best and why?

What would you like to be when you grow up?

Name one thing you have hated about today so far. Name two things you like

so far. Name one thing you look forward to about the rest of the day.

Would you rather have fingers the size of legs or legs the size of fingers

and why?

Have them report back what they learned about the other person.

Ask them whether it was more difficult to be the speaker or the listener and why.

This game helps break down social barriers, and it can encourage those students

who haven’t spoken all day to speak up.

NOTES

Control the environment. A good circle where everyone can make eye contact

is critical to a group’s success. Make sure that the group is safe. People are

welcome to disagree, but personal attacks are unacceptable.

CREATE CONVERSATION

Ask probing, open-ended questions. Never ask yes or no questions unless there

is a follow-up question like “why?”

Speak less; listen more. The purpose of the debrief time is to allow the group

to “uncover the truth” rather than being taught a lesson. The barometer for

this is that you should only be talking 20% of the time, and your group should

be talking 80% of the time. Silence is the sound of the gears in peoples’ heads

spinning.

Be patient. This is the most difficult job of the facilitator. Let the group struggle.

Allowing them to go through the process is critical. Not completing an activity

may be more valuable than succeeding. There may be more learning happening

in a group sitting in silence than in a group that talks the whole time.

Some groups are tough

Even after following all the mentor tips, it can be difficult to get conversation

going in some groups. Here are two techniques you can use to get the

conversation rolling:

GROUPS OF FOUR

Break your group into groups of four:

Have your group answer these questions and report back to you what they find

What’s your name?

What is one thing that is unique about you?

What is one thing you all have in common? (Nothing obvious like “we’re all

boys.” Find something that you think is totally unique about your group!)

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Double or Nothing

DO IT FIRST:

Participants sit in a circle.

Give each person an index card.

Give dice to one person and lay a pen in the middle.

Say: “The goal of this game is to write all the numbers between 1 & 100.

The trick is that there is only one pen. Pass the dice around the circle.

Each person rolls the dice once. If you get doubles, grab the pen and start

writing the numbers from 1-100 as fast as you can. The dice continue to be

passed around the circle. If someone else rolls doubles, they get the pen

and start writing on their card. First person to 100 wins!”

DRAW IT OUT:

What? Why did you do what you did? How did it make you feel?

How many of you never rolled doubles, or didn’t get the pen for very long?

How did it feel?

Ask the group: Why did you treat the winner differently from the rest of

the group?

Whose voices did you hear?

How did you choose which ones to listen to?

So what? Describe another time something like this happened to you.

What do you think the dice might represent? In other words, has there

ever been another time you felt like the people around you were rolling

doubles but you couldn’t? (succeeding in school, winning at sports,

looking prettier than you, etc.)

Ask the winner: have you ever been in a situation before where you were

rolling doubles, and the people around you started uniting against you

because you were successful? Why do you think people do that?

When things get competitive, do you normally get angry and aggressive,

or do you detach and pull away?

Now what? How will you change, knowing what you now know?

You do not have control of your circumstances (the dice), but you have

control of how you react to them. What might you do different the next

time you feeling like things aren’t going your way?

DRIVE IT HOME:

The dice represent life circumstances. Some people always roll doubles in

life. Some people never do. You can’t control the dice; you can only control

your reaction to them.

NOTES

Middle Name Game

DO IT FIRST:

Have participants sit in a circle.

Give each person an index card.

Say: “Write down your ‘ideal middle name.’ It can be anything you want it to

be. It can be funny, serious, something you wished everyone knew about

you, or your actual middle name. Whatever you want (example: Bobby

“Action” Jackson).”

Have every person share their name.

NOTE: This game teaches you a little bit about each person, and it gives

you permission to use their names.

DRAW IT OUT:


Why did you choose this name? Who were you trying to impress or make

laugh? Yourself, your friends, me, someone who is not here?

We all listened to someone’s voice when we picked out name. Whose

voice did you listen to when picking?

What does this name tell us about you?

Do you think this name is closer to the real you than the name your parents

gave you? Why or why not?


Have you ever wanted to reinvent yourself? What would you change?


What role do you see yourself taking in this group?

Today, how can we as a group be encouraging voices to each other?

DRIVE IT HOME:

Each of you is unique. Some of you tried to make us laugh, and we like

you for it. Some of you told us a story about yourself. I’m so glad you are

unique, and I am glad you are here today.

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Notes:

Negotiation

Do it First:

Have everyone stand in a circle with one person in the middle.

Say: “You can talk, but you can’t talk about the game. Your goal is to switch

places with someone across the circle from you. The person in the middle

is going to try to take the spot of one of the people switching. If your spot

gets taken, you are in the middle. Every time you successfully switch, you

earn a point. However, if you get caught and go to the middle, you lose all

your points. You may not switch with the person next to you. At the end

of the game, the person with the most points wins.”

Draw it Out:


What method did you use to decide who to switch with? How did you

build trust? How is this similar to everyday life?

How many people refused to trust anyone in this game?

Did anyone leave you “hanging out to dry”? Did you choose to switch with

them again?

When you built up a lot of points, did it change the way you made choices?


Do you agree or disagree with this statement: “People don’t need words

to communicate a lot of things.” Why or why not?

Have any of you ever developed trust with someone, and they turned out

to not be trustworthy?


How do you develop trust in response to your experience? What are some

good ways to develop trust?

Drive it Home:

This game is all about “negotiating” which people you will trust. Every time

you switch with someone, you take a risk. You expose yourself. Some

people will hang you out to dry. You need to remove those people from

positions of trust in your life. Some of you have been burned, and refuse

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to trust anyone after that. But love and life are all about opening yourself

up to risk by trusting. Choosing not to trust is choosing not to live! Name

some people in your life you would trust to switch with you every time.

If you can’t name someone today, you must make it your goal to find

someone as soon as possible!

NOTES

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Leader:

Create a “Safe Road.” Draw it here so it’s

easy to remember. This grid is 10 x 8. All

mats are different sizes, so make sure

you line it up!

Example

NOTES

Minefield

Do it First:

Lay the grid out on the ground. Each leader creates their own key.

Say: “Your goal is to find a safe path across the grid. You are allowed to

move as far as you can until you blow up. Then you start back over at the

end of the line. A new participant begins the journey, and attempts to

make a better choice at the site of the last error.”

For added difficulty, with every mistake made, make the participant

“handicapped”—restrict the use of one or both legs, or add a blindfold.

Draw it Out:


How did you go about choosing which direction to go? Whose voices did

you listen to? Why?


How do you go about making choices? Do you watch people cross the

path before you, and learn from their mistakes, or do you “have to learn

the hard way?”

How does working together help/hurt you succeeding in your objective?


What kind of choices have you made before that “blew up”? What could

you have done differently?

What could you learn from this game that might help next time you are

making a tough decision?

Drive it Home:

Every decision has consequences. Bad choices can blow up your life.

Some of you learn from the choices of others, but others of you are too

stubborn to do that, so you find your own way. That thought process will

oftentimes end with you getting blown up! Think about asking for help!

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Blind Count

DO IT FIRST:

Have participants sit in a circle facing away from each other.

Say: “No one is allowed to look at each other. Your goal is to count to 20

with each person contributing at least one number, but never two in a

row. The person to your left or your right cannot say the next number. If

two people talk at the same time, or say the same number twice, you have

to start over.”

DRAW IT OUT:


How did it feel when your group got stuck? What got in the way of you finishing?

How did you deal with it when you got frustrated?

How did you choose when to speak and when to listen?


Have you ever been in another situation where you should have spoken

up, but didn’t? What happened?

How do you choose who you will let speak into your life?


What made this group successful/unsuccessful? What would you change

now that we’re done? How is that similar to success in your life right now?

DRIVE IT HOME:

When you listen to people, you succeed. When you use your voice, you

have to speak up in order for everyone else to succeed. Your friends

cannot succeed in their relationship with you if you don’t listen to them,

or if you aren’t willing to tell them your opinion when it is your turn.

Notes:

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Group Juggling

Do it First:

Have participants stand in a circle.

Pull out 8-10 tennis balls.

Say: “We’re going to trust you with this game. It can get out of hand quickly,

but we trust you. If anyone throws a ball at a person, they are going to be

removed from the group. Toss the ball to any other person in the circle.

Everyone must toss the ball to someone who has not yet caught it until it

returns to the original thrower. That is now the order of ball tossing. Each

person will only catch from one person and only toss to one person. If you

drop a ball, we start over.”

Add balls to the game as the group begins to succeed to make it more difficult.

Options: Add different shaped balls/items. Have one ball go in the opposite

direction. Have one ball go around the outside. Have them figure out how

to move the ball in the original order the fastest they possibly can.

Draw it Out:


What helped the group succeed? What caused the group to fail?

If you dropped a ball, how did it make you feel?

When someone else dropped a ball, was your reaction encouraging or

discouraging? Why do you think that was?


What do these balls represent in your life that you are juggling?

What are some of the similarities between this game and the “things you

juggle”? What are some of the differences?

What helped the group succeed? What caused the group to fail?


What choices did you make during this game that affected everyone else?

What could you have chosen to do differently?

What are some of the best ways that help people you know deal with stress?

Drive it Home:

The tennis balls represent things that we are juggling—school work, sports,

family, friends, college prep, etc. We have to figure out how to juggle them

gracefully. We have to rely on other people to do their part and concentrate

on our own part. Or they can represent words that are being tossed

around—a well communicated message leads to success. A ball tossed too

hard can hurt the entire group.

NOTES

Handcuffed

DO IT FIRST:

Have participants choose a partner.

Give each pair two handcuffs.

Players place loops of the handcuffs over their wrists, interlocking with a partner.

Say: “The game play is simple: try to get unconnected from your partner. The

handcuffs must stay on your wrists, and no breaking or cutting the handcuffs.

This will seem impossible, but it’s not.”

Solution: Pull both handcuffs taut so that handcuff 1 is horizontal and

handcuff 2 is vertical. In handcuff 1, pinch the string together. Feed the string

through the loop in handcuff 2 that goes around the other player’s top wrist

from elbow toward fingers. Pull loop up over the same hand of handcuff 2.

Pull handcuff 1 taut. It should release and the two will be disconnected.

DRAW IT OUT:


What happened? How did you feel when you couldn’t get out?

How many times did you try the same thing over again? Were your results

ever different? How did that feel?


What choices have you made in the past do you feel like you are handcuffed to?

Have you ever felt like someone else made a choice that you felt handcuffed to?

Have you ever had a friend that made a bad decision you knew they were

going to be “handcuffed to” for a long time? What was the choice and how

did you react?


What are some of the techniques people you know have used to get

themselves out of bad situations?

What are some of the things you did during this game that might help you get

out of a difficult position in the future?

DRIVE IT HOME:

You are handcuffed to your choices. It is much easier to get tangled up than it

is to get untangled. Handcuff yourself only to the things you want to be closely

associated with. It takes a few seconds to put handcuffs on… it can take a

lifetime to escape.

There was only one person who had the truth. We never told you that you

couldn’t ask for help. Sometimes, you need to ask for help. Name someone

you respect enough to ask for help when you need it.

NOTES

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Turn Over a New Leaf

Do it First:

Lay a sheet flat on the ground.

Have everyone stand on the sheet.

Say: “This sheet represents a change you want to make in your life. Without

anyone stepping off the sheet, turn it over. If anyone steps off, you start over.”

Draw it Out:


Did you think it was going to be possible or impossible at the beginning? How

did that affect the way you played?

Do you like being touched or hate it? How do you think that affected the way

you played?

Do you think those feelings affected the other people in your group? Why or

why not? How did you help them cope with these feelings?

Do you think you part of the solution, or part of the problem? Why?


What do you think the sheet represents? What past decisions do you want to

“turn over” in your life?


Have you ever tried to “change something” in the past, but obstacles got in

the way? What did you do then to deal with it? What will you do next time?

Drive it Home:

The sheet represents something you want to change. What gets in the way

of you changing? How do you go about making a change? A wide variety of

things get in the way. It takes tremendous courage and work to overcome.

Are you up for the challenge?

Notes:

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Words You Want to Hear

This is your affirmation exercise. Please take your time. Enjoy encouraging each other.

Do it First:

NOTE: Have participants sit in a circle.

Give everyone an index card.

Say: “On one side of it, write the words you have always wished you could

hear from someone.”

Collect them and read them out loud. You have a couple options here. You

can collect all the cards, and read them out loud. You can have students

trade cards and read them to each other. You can have students share their

own and talk about them, and then allow the group to say the words after

each person shares.

This can be an extremely powerful game. By this point in the day, you have

earned the currency to speak into your students’ lives.

Draw it Out:


Why did you write these words?

Who do you want to hear say them?


How does your voice affect other people?


Can you choose to say words like these to other people? How do you think

they will respond?

Imagine a world where people said the things to each other that each person

needed to hear. What could it look like?

Drive it Home:

Imagine what it would be like to hear and share these words every day. What

would it be like if we used our voices for good? Think of one person who

you’re going to encourage with your words today. Come up with a plan to

do it.

Notes:

Personal Debrief

Take some time to journal and answer the following questions. The point of this

exercise is not to beat yourself up (remember - If you “bumped” even one person,

you won!), but to learn from success and failure.

What was the “win” for this event? In other words, why did we do it, and what were

we hoping to accomplish? Answer both questions for you as an individual and for

the whole group.

What did you learn about pulling off an event like this?

What feelings or thoughts did you struggle with as the pressure mounted? How did

you handle those?

What did you learn about yourself?

If we do this event next year, I will... (list as many things as come to mind)

Thank you so much for choosing to be a Hub mentor.We are so grateful to have met you.

Sincerely,The Hub Team

For videos of the games, resources,and more information about the Hub, visit:

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