INT. MARI’S CAR - NIGHT

A SQUEAKY CHIPMUNK-LIKE JAPANESE POP SONG plays from adistorted radio.

A Drop of blood rolls down a pale face. It reaches a closedeye which flutters open. We slowly pull out to see SPENCER,a gaunt 19 year old lying upside-down in the back passengerseat of a wrecked car with a fresh head wound. He is wearinga pair of blue cat ears.

Spencer shakes his head as he comes to. He looks at thewoman in the driver’s seat.

The driver’s hand lies limp on the arm rest, bleedingprofusely.

Spencer looks terrified. He has never seen anything likethis in his entire life. More blood pours down the arm.

Red ambulance lights come in from the back window. Sirensjoin the pop song building to a loud cacophony. Right whenthey reach full volume SMASH CUT TO:

EXT. MARTIN RD - DAY

Dave Brubeck style Jazz music abruptly takes over. Spencerstands in front of a house in a cul-de-sac on a sunny day.He waits by the curb with a duffel bag, headphones on hiscat-eared head. After a moment, a junky car pulls up on theother side of the street and HONKS.

MARI(Offscreen)

Spencer CHAN! SPENCER CHAN!

Spencer takes off his headphones and looks up. MARI, anenergetic woman in her 40s, waves an arm out her car window,then throws out a peace sign over her eye in a sailor moonsalute.

INT. CAR - DAY

Spencer enters and sits in the cramped car. McDonaldswrappers, soda cans and other detritus carpet the floor.

MARIKA-KNEE-CHEEWA SPENCER CHAN!

SPENCERKa-nee-chee-wa Mari!

2.

MARIAre you ready to get the gang forour 7th epic adventure toKotakon?!!!

SPENCERHai! Soooopah excited! MichaelHenry-san is going to be a guestthis year!

Spencer holds up a paperback copy of a comic ’Crimson WizardParty volume 4 by Michael Henry’

MARIThen let’s GANBATEH!!!!

Mari puts in a cd. It starts blaring the annoying Japanesepop song from the crash.

CUT TO

EXT. MARI’S BUMPER- DAY

A car bumper covered in a collage of cute characters andfandom stickers. A single bumper sticker in the center actsas the series title card.

’2KAWAII4COMFORT’

The sticker gets smaller as the car drives away.

EXT. HIDAYO DRIVE - DAY

Mari’s car pulls up to another similar house. In front ofthis one waits TOKI, 24, a small girl of wearing an animalbeanie and sweatshirt with a lot of fandom pins.

MARITOKIIIII CHAN!!!!!

Mari bounds out of the car like a happy dog, Toki turtles upto prepare for impact. Mari picks her up for a full onmonster hug, swinging Toki left and right like a rag doll.

MARISQUEEETOKICHANTOKICHANTOKICHANTOKICHAN!

Toki puts up no resistance, she knows it is best to notstruggle. Toki sees Spencer through the car window, Spencerstares back.

The car begins to move forward. Spencer’s gaze at Tokibreaks as he looks around like ’Wait what is going on?’

3.

The car glides unnoticed down the road while Mari screams’TOKITOKITOKITOKITOKITOKI-’. Spencer pounds on the windows.

SMASH CUT TO:

Mari jumps back into the driver’s seat and pulls the breaklever. The car shakes.

MARIWHOOPS!

Toki enters the back.

TOKI(Painfully shy)

....Hi Spencer Kun.

SPENCERHi Toki Chan.

MARIExcited for Kotakon?!

TOKI... I drew a manga picture of us tocommemorate it....

Toki takes out a mediocre anime-style drawing of 5 figuresof "The Gang". It looks like a 3rd grader drew them.

MARIOh man, this is serious skill.Obata-san himself would be jealous!

TOKI...It only took me 4 hours...

CUT TO

EXT. RUSSEL RD - DAY

The van pulls up. RANDY, a large, patchy bearded 29 yearold, wearing an ill fitting shirt, exits the front door.He’s carrying a LARGE wheeled suitcase.

RANDY(Back to the house)

They’re here Mom... YEAH I’ll callwhen I get there.... You haveMari’s number. YEAH She’ll callwhen we get there. YEAH I packedmy cream...

He joins Toki and Randy in the back.

4.

MARIKaneechewa Ran-

RANDY-You were 3 minutes later than yousaid you would be.

MARIOh, I’m so sorry Randy San I didn’tmean to-

RANDYAnd I had to rush extra hard tomake it. I had to pack all of mygames and find clean underwear. Ieven only spent 18 minutes fornumber 2 in the bathroom instead of20 and if we’re going to make-

Mari sheepishly starts the engine.

RANDY(Monotone)

...YEAH...

Randy centers himself with a lengthy nasal ’hum’. After heis calm, he looks around and notices that Spencer and Tokiare sitting next to him. He gives a polite wave.

RANDYHi Spencer! Hi Toki!

EXT. GAS STATION - AFTERNOON

The car waits next to a gas station at an intersection.

RANDY... Do we have to pick her up?

MARIOf course we do!

RANDYShe’s terrible and none of us likeher.

MARIRANDY CHAN! We’re con buddies! Andcon buddies always gotta sticktogether and split the hotel fee nomatter what!

5.

TOKI..It’s like we’re CON-PANIONS...

MARILIKE DOCTOR WHO!!!!!

They all start singing along to a loudly ’squeeful’ versionof the Doctor Who Theme.

MARI10th DOCTOR! SO HAWT!!! DROOL!!

RANDYShe better not make us late, I’mnot going be late to the SkyFighter tournament. If I miss it,I’m going to mad. I’m going to bereally pissed. We missed it lasttime and-

RITA, a small, mousey child walks out from the rest stationcarrying a wheel-able hello kitty bag. She wearsa Japanese schoolgirl uniform with garish patches sewn onand a set of Persicom ears over her candy pink long hair.

RITAOOOOOHHHHIIIIIIIIOOOOO!

MARIKANEECHEWA Rita Chan!

RITAFor the last time Mari. You have tocall me Magical Justice Savior RitaChan!

MARISumimasen Rita Kun! I’m a Baka andfor-!

RITA(Declaring)

Magical Justice Savior Rita Chan!The holy maiden of justice thatwill win the masquerade with superfunny skit this year at KOTAKON!

TOKI...I have a backup of the cd withour skit music in case we needone....

6.

RITAGood thinking ahead Toki Kun!

MARINow, before we embark on ourmagical lovely adventure to the 7thAnnual Kotakon, I have somethingfor everyone.

Mari reaches down.

RANDYWe need to leave now if we’re goingto make to the Sky Fightertournament, and if we don’t I’mgoing to be really really pissed.

MARIIt’ll only take a second Randy ChanI promise.

RANDY...Fine... But Hurry.

Mari takes out a package of pocky. She gives a piece to eachperson.

RITAYAY YAY POCKY POCKY DESU!

MARINow everyone raise their piece inthe air

They all ’Three musketeers’ their candy.

MARIHere’s to 3 days of anime, Manga,Friendship, Kawaii and mostimportantly Japan!

EVERYONEJAPAAAAAAAAAAN!

CUT TO

INT. MARI’S CAR - NIGHT

It’s getting late. Toki is drawing in her notebook, Rita isreading manga, Spencer is listening to his headphones andRandy looks at the car clock, it says 6:23. He HUMS.

7.

RANDY...I told you we were going to belate.

MARIIt’s not that bad Randy Kun, justsome minor traf-

RANDYWe should have left at 2:30, not2:35.

RITAMari-kun was just trying to benice, you should chill outRandy-San.

RANDYDon’t tell me to chill out Rita!

RITAThat’s Magical Justice Savior RitaChan!

RANDYYou’re being a Magical JusticeBitch.

RITADON’T YOU CALL ME THAT!

TOKIRita-

RITAIT’S MAGICAL JUSTICE-

TOKI-Magical Justice Rita Chan, pleasestay calm. You know Randy-chandoesn’t mean it when he says thingslike that.

RANDYI do.

TOKIThat’s part of it too.

RITAWhy are you so obsessed with thatthing? It’s not even Japanese.

8.

RANDYCause I’m going to win 1st placeand a gift card. And I’m reallyreally good at Sky Fighter.

RITAGod you’re just so single mindedwith that thing. You Robot,ROBOTOH- ROOOOOBOOOOOOOTOOOOOOOOH

RANDYCUT IT OUT!

MARISo... Um. I know we are all megacranky because of how long thejourney’s been but can we staywholesome friends until we getthere? Just think about the goodtime we’re all going to have!!Randy Chan is going to have a greattime! and Rita Chan is gonna have agreat time! And Toki Ch-

RANDYFine.

RITAFine... Baka.

RANDYI’m going to pretend I didn’t hearthat... Even though I did.

MARI... I think I know what will cheereveryone up!

Mari takes out a CD with some sharpie written on it

MARIMari’s Super Kawaii Megamix!

Mari inserts the CD. SCREAMS OF DEATH METAL BLARE.

MARIOH GOD. That was...Gerald’s CD. Letme change that...

Mari struggles to shut it off. She succeed, ejects the cdand casually throws it out the window.

9.

SPENCER(In an oddly premeditatedlaugh)

Heh.

TOKIWhat’s up?

SPENCEROh, that whole fight. It was justlike something in Crimson Wizardparty. The Archmage Ganamymedethrew this fit at HeadmasterCelestia and it was REALLY funny.

TOKI(couldn’t be less interested)

...Ok.

Toki looks over at Spencer’s Walkman.

TOKISay... Spencer San.

SPENCERHai Toki san?

Rita takes out a bag from under her seat.

TOKIWhat are you listening to?

SPENCEROh just some stuff I found in mybrother’s CD collection. It’s thisguy Dave Brubeck.

TOKIIs he k-pop?

SPENCERNo, he’s. He’s more like a keyboardtype guy.

TOKINightcore?

SPENCERNo, its like. Jazz.

TOKIJazzu? I didn’t know you listenedto Jazzu.

10.

SPENCERWell, I liked the theme to CowboyBeebop so I thought I’d try it out.It’s pretty good when you get intoit.

TOKINeat...Neat.

Toki turns a page in her notebook and draws an evil lookingdemon. She write ’BRUBEKK’ underneath it.

TOKIBrubeck... Sounds like a kind ofdemon lord...

SPENCER(Sinister)

...Bruuuuubekkk

TOKI(Equally Sinister)

Bruuuubekkkkkuuu

Toki and Spencer Laugh. Rita puts the bag down

RITAToki-chan do we have the magicalwand for our skit?

TOKI... I thought I put it in the bag.

RITAI’m looking through the bag and Idon’t see it-

TOKISoomeemahsen Magical Justice SaviorRita Chan. I thought I packed it.

RITAUNACCEPTABLE! That wand is crucialto our skit and without iteverything is ruined!

TOKI...May-Maybe we could make a newone.

RITANo WE CAN’T. It has to be the wandthat Sailor Moon uses so I can use

11.

RITAits Bishie Rays to make youinto Yaoi. It has to bethat otherwise it doesn’t work andif it doesn’t work then IT’S NOTFUNNY. We have to turn around.

MARIWe’ve already been traveling 4hours Rita chan, we can’t-

RITAI NEED MY WAND FOR MY SKIT SO TURNAROUND!

RANDYSo I can’t complain about my SkyFighter tournament but you can turnthe car around for your stupidwand?

RITAYeah, because the masqueradematters, unlike yourdumb tournament. You could do thatstuff in your smelly basement.

Meanwhile, Mari has found the right cd!

MARIHow about we all calm down and tryto listen to Mari’s Super Kawaiimix cd?

Mari presses play, VOCALOID JAPANESE POP MUSIC plays.

MARI(Singing)

hahen ha iyasa reno mae ni cha hanisuru hitsuyou gaarimasu!

Mari continues singing over the fight.

RANDYYou live in your basement too, yourparent’s are too scared to let youlive on your own.

RITATAKE THAT BACK.

12.

RANDYThey keep you there like a Baby. Ora Dog.

RITATAKE THAT BACK YOU... GAIJIN! BAKAGAIJIN!. BAKA! BAKA! BAKA!

RANDYI told you to STOP CALLING ME THAT!

Randy and Rita start spewing insults back and forth ateachother. Mari still tries to sing along with the song.

RANDYI WISH I COULD WRITE YOUR NAME IN ADEATH NOTE AND WATCH YOU DIE!

Mari turns around.

MARIEveryone can we please calm downbefore someone gets seriously hurt!

Spencer has his eyes closed. He tries to focus on his jazzto block out the quibbling. When he opens his eyes, he seesthat Mari has drifted onto the wrong side of the road andthere is a CAR COMING RIGHT TOWARDS THEM.

SPENCERIs that coming toward us?

Mari looks. Grabs the wheel and slams on the break-

MARIOH GA-

CRASH!

A bad one, a real bad one.

END OF EPISODE

OVER THE CREDITS: A solo of Mari in the car rocking out tothe anime song. When the credit’s end Mari looks out thewindow and yells "Spencer CHAN! SPENCER CHAN!"