(20) hard time getting your voice heard? these 10 tactics are …€¦ · really often,” beck...

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Hard Time Getting Your Voice Heard?These 10 Tactics are Game-Changers.Published on July 16, 2019

Adam BryantManaging Director at Merryck & Co.

105 articles Follow

Meetings can feel like competitive arenas for many people, providing stressfulreminders that they have trouble getting their voice heard. Fear of being judged ortaking risks can make people hold back, creating spin cycles in their heads thatmake it that much harder to get into the discussion. And while the dynamics areoften felt acutely by women, anyone can find themselves lacking confidence orhesitating to speak up.

These are tough headwinds to navigate, but from many of the hundreds of femaleCEOs I’ve interviewed over the years, and from my colleagues at Merryck & Co.,an executive mentoring firm, I’ve heard many smart tips for getting your voiceheard.

These ten strategies below are meant to provide a playbook of tactics. To be clear,organizations absolutely bear responsibility for creating more inclusiveenvironments and not generating headwinds for their best and brightest. But theheadwinds in corporate cultures are real and all too common, and may requireadjustments in how you navigate them. The challenges people face in meetings willnever go away altogether, but everyone has the capability to build and refine skillsto get their points across. Why not try one of these techniques in your next



meeting?

#1 GET INTO THE GAME QUICKLY

Marla Beck, the co-founder and CEO of Bluemercury, the beauty-store chain, said shelearned in business school to get into the discussion early because participation was animportant part of the grading system. “I learned to get into the conversation really early andreally often,” Beck told me.

“Sometimes meetings can becomevery aggressive and sometimespeople are just talking to talk.Sometimes you have to play thatgame. You have to talk to talk,because you want to have that airtime.”

The longer you wait to join theconversation, the more theproblems build. You can feelgreater pressure to say somethingtruly profound, and then you startthinking more about finding theright moment to jump into the discussion, rather than focusing on what people are saying.

Here’s a helpful tip that I learned from Kathy Murphy, the former CEO of Corning Gilbertwho is now a mentor at Merryck & Co.: When the meeting starts, put your elbows on thetable and don’t let yourself take them off until you’ve spoken once. Your body language willalso signal to others in the meeting that you are part of the conversation. It’s just aboutbreaking the ice.

#2 BE SUPER-PREPARED

Your confidence will inevitably go up if you’ve done your homework, and you’ve thoughtabout the chessboard of the meeting beforehand. Be clear in your head about the purpose ofthe meeting. Is it to make a decision? Solve a problem? Brainstorm? How are you going tocontribute? Even if you’re not running the meeting, be clear in your mind about the goal andwhat you want out of it.

“Have your information, have your facts, have your numbers, have your point of view,” saidMelanie Whelan, the CEO of SoulCycle. “If you get derailed in the conversation — ifthere’s a dynamic that maybe isn’t working to your advantage — you come back to, ‘What



is my intention and what do I need out of this group?’”

#3 HEADLINES FIRST

Several female CEOs I’veinterviewed over the years havenoted that women, in general, talkmore expansively, whereas menjust want the headlines. Granted,that may sound like stereotyping,but they say they have seen thepatterns time and again. Theiradvice is to focus more on the quality rather than the quantity of what you say.

While there are steps that men can and should take to make sure women feel more includedin conversations, women can do things to meet men where they are, said Niki Leondakis,president of The Wolff Resident Experience Company.

“Don’t lose who you are, but learnto speak the language,” she said.One difference she’s noticed isthat women sometimes give morecontext than men. “Women tend tobe more empathic,” she added.

“We tend to be more sensitive tohow people are feeling and reacting. We are reading people’s faces and we’re responding toa lot of visual cues around us. Sometimes that causes us to give a lot of information, whereasmen more often want to bottom-line it quickly.” She recommends that women learn how tospeak directly and succinctly, and then fill in with more information as needed.

#4 LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION

Where you sit matters. Get to the meeting early and grab a seat toward the middle of thetable, rather than being stuck on a corner, where your location can make you feelmarginalized, both literally and metaphorically. Another bonus of arriving early is that youcan make small talk with people as they’re arriving and getting settled, which will helpmake you feel like you’re already in the flow when the meeting starts.

#5 MANSPLAINERS, INTERRUPTERS AND CREDIT-STEALERS

We’ve all seen this insidious dynamic. A woman shares a smart idea with the group, and



then somebody cuts them off, starts talking over them, “mansplaining” some concept in acondescending manner or repeating the idea as if it were their own several minutes later. It’sso commonplace that the practice was cleverly spoofed on the HBO show Silicon Valley.

What to do? Politely but firmly, you can simply say, “I wasn’t finished with what I wassaying,” or, “Let me complete the point I was making here because I think it’s important.”Or you may prefer to handle these moments with a question: “May I continue with what Iwas saying?” Or, “Would it be okay if I continued my thought?”

By framing it as a question, it gently forces the person who interrupted you to give you backthe floor. And make sure you look the person directly in the eye to let them know that you’reasserting your right to speak and that you’re someone who deserves their attention.

How to handle the idea stealers who parrot your idea as if it were their own? Again, thereare ways to signal to the group what’s happening without being combative. You could say,“Should I take it that we’re aligned on that notion, based on what I said earlier?” Or, “Itsounds like the two of us are in agreement on that point.”

Yes, this may feel dicey and uncomfortable to some people, so if it feels too pointed to do inthe moment, find a way outside the meeting to ensure that others know the idea was yours orto make that clear in the next meeting. You don’t want to be overt about looking like youneed credit, which may turn some people off. As with most aspects in life, subtlety andfinesse go a long way.

#6 HAVE THE TOUGH CONVERSATION

But what if you have a colleague who’s a habitual offender of the misdemeanors above? Thetime may come for you to steel yourself for a tough conversation with him outside themeeting.

Jessica Herrin, the CEO and founder of Stella & Dot Family Brands, a social commercecompany, shared with me a smart script for handling these one-on-one situations: “If youever feel like you’re not being heard, I would go address the person who was talking overyou and say, ‘Hey, listen, I bet you didn’t intend to do this but this is how I felt during themeeting. What would make you an even more valued partner for me is if we walked out of ameeting and we both felt heard.’”

She added: “I think you have to assume that the people doing it to you are not doing itbecause they’re nefarious, that they’re not doing it because they don’t value you and thatthey don’t have ill-intent. They just have habits that they need to break, and they’ll be onyour side if you go up to them without an angry accusation.”



#7 BATTLING TOKENISM

If there is just one woman orperson of color in a meeting,there’s a decent chance that atsome point they will be calledupon to speak, in effect, for theirentire gender or race – “Will thisappeal to women?” Or, “What willpeople of color think of this?”

A quick parry and riposte can help shift the focus of the conversation, and subtly point outthe tokenism dynamic, by saying, “Here’s how I feel about it, but what I really think is weshould go get some data.” If it feels comfortable to you, try some humor to point out theshortcomings of a broad-brush approach. For example, “I’d like to weigh in on what peoplewho drive cars think about that.”

#8 NO MORE PREAMBLES

You’ve no doubt heard this advice before, but the behavior persists, so we’re going to repeatit here. Lose the deferential wind-up before you ask a question or make your point. “May Iask a question?” “I don’t want to disrupt anything, but…” “You may have already discussedthis…” Be self-aware and make sure you’re not doing it. If you are, stop. You don’t needpermission or to make excuses before you say something.

#9 QUESTIONS CAN BE BETTER THAN ANSWERS

Don’t think that making statements or providing answers are your only option. Sometimesthe most powerful voice in a meeting can be the person asking the smart question thatreframes the discussion. It’s a good bet that others might be wondering the same thing.

Here, too, homework helps. As you’re preparing for the meeting, think of three smartquestions ahead of time. In this day and age, with so much disruption, a good question canhave several times the value of a good answer. And in that moment, you will own theconversation.

#10 FLEX YOUR AUTHORITY

Get into a healthy mindset for the meeting. You’ve been invited for a reason and you’rethere to make a contribution. Focus on the core points you want to make, and it will helpquiet the distracting noise in your mind about what you’re not saying.



“I try to take a step back and think about the main point of what’s going on and how I’mfeeling about what I need to say,” says Beck, the Bluemercury CEO. “I try not to let thingsget into my head or go with the flow of the meeting but instead make a point pretty quickly.I’m not one to dwell on things. When we’re younger, we think everybody is thinking abouthow you appear or how you look. The truth is, people aren’t thinking about you as much asyou think. You just have to stand up for what’s in your head and what you believe.”

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Adam BryantManaging Director at Merryck & Co.Published • 2d

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(20) hard time getting your voice heard? these 10 tactics are …€¦ · really often,” beck...

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