21 ways to make your script more...

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21 Ways To Make Your Script More Commercial

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Introduction _________________________________________________________________ 3

What does it mean to be "Commercial" ___________________________________________ 5

21 Ways to Make Your Script More Commercial ____________________________________ 8

Conclusion __________________________________________________________________ 19

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hen I first wrote this report, it was only 12 checkpoints, but quickly it grew to 21 because there are so many small things that you can do to make a script more commercial. I'm sure there are more,

but this is where it is now.

You'll see that some of these points are written a bit tongue-in-cheek, but many of them are, in fact, trends that recur in successful movies. You might think of some of these as clichés or things you see too often, but don't automatically dismiss it.

The key to using oft-played tricks is to see how you can apply it to your script in a fresh way.

It's also worth pointing out very clearly that the tips in here are tactical tips to tweak or polish your script if appropriate. If you try to just "stick 'em in" your script but it doesn't really fit, it will mess up your screenplay.

Using these tips must be done in an organic way and must also be applied in a way that serves your story. Think of these tips as polishing up the shine.

Let me repeat this, so I don't end up getting complaints about how some of these should not be done in certain situations. I am definitely saying that if you use these, you need to apply them in a way they fit with your particular story. There are a lot of tips here, so there are plenty to choose from.

When you use them, integrate them into the DNA of the script, otherwise they will detract overall from your script rather than add to its commercial appeal. Although the other secret is that audiences will almost always respond to certain things – even if they know their emotions are being manipulated because it's in their DNA to respond. (Think of the cutest baby you've ever seen doing something cute, or a puppy at the pound looking at you with big, happy eyes wanting you to





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pick him up.) It's almost impossible for an audience to see those things if it's done half way right without having a good emotional reaction.

Hopefully as you look at these 21 Ways, you'll begin to get a good feel for the kinds of moments that add commercial appeal and you'll even come up with your own signature polishing tips.

If you come up with a great tip that's not in here and are willing to share it, please email me at [email protected] and let me know. If I add them and you you're the first one to suggest that tip, I'll even credit you with the idea here!

Before I get into the tips for making your script more commercial, let's first take a quick look at what "commercial" means.



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The root word of commercial is commerce, meaning business and money.

To make something more commercial means we look to see what can be done to increase your script's chances of making money.

How does it make more money? It makes more money by appealing to more of the people who go to movies and pay to see it.

Pretty simple.

Not surprising.

Important to think about.

We need to keep this in mind because, too often, the idea of a script making money lives like a concept in the writer's head rather than really thinking through: "Who will this movie appeal to?"

For your part, pay attention to the box office and what audience demographics are attending movies and driving up returns. It's part of your market research.

Just because you feel like your script would appeal to everyone does not mean it will. Try to think from a studio executive’s viewpoint to get more of a sense of what "commercial appeal" is – or shall we say what they think it is.

Years ago, one of the all-time great screenwriters William Goldman said "No one in Hollywood knows anything." He is often quoted as saying this, but it's been mis-interpreted as if he is digging at Hollywood.

However, he has since clarified that the emphasis is on "knows," meaning no one can know for sure how a film will do at the box office. Essentially, studio executives and producers are simply giving it their





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best, most educated guess as to what will be successful and make lots of money.

Since studio executives and producers are your prospective customers when you're trying to get your script optioned or sold, we have to try to get inside their heads.

And getting inside their heads, to me, is a lot like those Russian nesting boxes with one box inside another box inside another box. You have to try to get inside the exec's head and what they’re thinking about as they're trying to get inside the potential audience's head. And so on with a few more boxes in between!

Studio executives and movie producers are the people who will option or buy your script. They option and buy based on what they think audiences will pay money to see. They also take into consideration other factors that increase their confidence that the film will make money, such as who is going to star in it, who is directing it and so on.

A box inside a box inside a box.

Your head trying to get inside the exec's head trying to get inside the audience's head.

It might drive you crazy if you think about it too much…. so let's go back to something simpler: 21 Ways To Make Your Script More Commercial.

This list of 21 Ways is meant to be fun and also useful. You might be able to add a few of these things to your script with very little effort and still have it be organic. But others will need to be really woven into the fabric of the story.

As you read these, make a note of ones that you like and think about how you could tweak it a bit to add a dash more creativity here and there in your script.

A final warning… proceed with caution when applying these. Make sure you organically integrate any of these ideas if you take them on! I don't





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want you blaming me if you stick something in somewhere and it doesn't fit and then get told it’s a bad idea!

And "ta- da" …. here they are.





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As you go through these ideas, try to make it fun thinking about specifically where you might be able use these to jazz up your script. Get creative.

Be specific. Think about a specific place in your script you could utilize one of thes rather than just a general sense. As you go along, stop after each one and imagine how you could incorporate it.

Another way to have these really sink it is to recall a movie that used this type of thing to really bring it home for you.

And now... the first one.

Make your main character a male in his late-20s to 40-something or a role for one of the top younger actresses like Jennifer Lawrence, Emma Stone, Blake Lively, or Dakota Fanning. Or even better, do both – have an awesome young male and female lead!

Having good, positive, castable characters that you could easily see a current movie star playing will serve your script well. On one hand having a great role makes more commercial than an ensemble. And to top it off, to get one of these stars to say yes, it has to be a juicy character that they would enjoy playing.

Think of all the characters that Leonardo DiCaprio plays. He has a penchant for real-life, bigger-than-life characters. Star actors have their choices of what roles they want to play. Write something that is worthy of them choosing your juicy character over all of those other options they could choose from in a year





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Simple, basic logistics. Your best bet is to keep your page count between 85 and 99 pages. A 90-minute movie gets one more screening per day than a 2-hour movie at the cinema – one more screening to make money.

Yes, it used to be standard to keep it under 120 pages. But as the price of making movies goes up, the studios want to make more money. One way that do that is by making a shorter movie that allows them to get revenue from one more screening per day at the box office. A 90-minute (90-page) movie plays into that.

Many writers think they know what “high-concept” means, but they really don’t. As a matter of fact, there is not one simple definition that everyone agrees on.

The way I describe it is that when you state a simple sentence about your movie, that immediately inspires images to start floating around in the head of the person you just told it to.

You may not have a high concept as a whole, such as the move Big: A little boy keeps wishing he could be Big only to wake up the next morning in a grown-man’s body – the only problem is, he still has the little boy’s mind.

That will immediately get you thinking. And it still makes me smile when I think about it. I personally think Tom Hanks should have won an Oscar that year, too! But… that’s beside the point. High-concept instantly creates visuals in the mind of the person who hears your pitch.

The point is, even if your story is not truly high-concept, you could still hook their sets the imagination with some kind of visual.





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The important thing is to try to deliver your logline with a hook in only one or two lines. Test it by telling someone about it and see if they immediately get enlivened and excited by the idea.

If they ask you more questions about what happens after whatever you told them, that’s a good sign you’ve capture their interest.

On the other hand, if all they say is, “Oh that sounds really good,” and nothing else, rewrite your logline!

Create a spectacle scene or set piece in the third act where the producer can spend a lot of money crashing things, blowing them up, or burning them down. Have it go on for at least 3 to 4 pages.

In the U.S. people pay money to see big Hollywood sets created and then destroyed.

Think of the food fight at the end of Animal House, the opening scene of Saving Private Ryan, the parade in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, or the gigantic party near the end of The Wolf of Wall Street. Or some of the party scenes in The Great Gatsby with Leonardo DiCaprio.

A great set piece is one that audiences remember and talk about long after the movie is over.

It's often where Hollywood movie technology gets to shine. Or when Hollywood’s utter decadence of money and deep budgets are paraded in front of the camera.

These kinds of scenes and sequences gets the word-of-mouth going and bring tons of people to the theatres to see it on the big screen. Let your imagination run wild if you have the story for it.





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Be sure to include the necessary clichés that fit the genre, like the guy chasing the girl to the airplane to ask her to marry him at the end of your romantic comedy. But change it up in some unique way. Dream up a unique proposal in the subway or have him climb down a rope from a helicopter to get on the large yacht she's sailing away on. Put a unique little twist on it in a way that fits with the theme of your story. Genres must hit the genre elements, but your job is to come up with fun, exciting, interesting, terrifying new ways to accomplish the same thing – depending on the genre!

There’s something fulfilling about seeing a recurring image, a throughline with a pet, a child, or an object that people are trying to either recover or hang on to that is simply something that human nature loves.

It may or may not play a big role in the plot, but it's a way to pull the audience in emotionally when it's something we care about.

With this idea, you could put a cool, fun throughline or recurring image to add great entertainment value even if it doesn't play a big role in the plot. Think of the Reese’s Pieces in E.T.





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Set the story in multiple cities to give your story a bigger scope. If you're trying to reach the studios, the story has to be big enough to make it worth their while. Some movies are simply too small for the studios to care about.

A caveat however. If you are an unproduced, newbie writer, your best bet all the way around is to write a lower budget film in the genres of horror, sci-fi, or thriller. Get that sold and produced. Then write your next one that can be a bigger budget.

Create a visual variety of locations where the story takes place – some inside the house, some outside a museum, some at a gym locker room, some in a forest. Mix it up. Even if you're writing a smaller movie, by adding multiple simple locations, it adds production value.

I produced a featurette that we shot mostly in a cabin. But then we had two desert locations – a gas station and an old run-down shack. We made it for $2,000 but it looked like it cost at least $200,000!

Give your lead character a scene where they are very vulnerable in a way the audience can identify with. On one hand, we want them to be strong, but they must also have some kind of vulnerability. They don’t have to fly like Superman, but we need to see their Kryptonite.

Whether they are strong from the beginning or they are weak and then get strong, somewhere around the turning point into the third act, we





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need to see that they are nearly ready to give up on their goal. Show that they are doubting themselves, not sure they can go on. Show that they've been beaten down and are ready to give up.

Milk this in one scene in a way that audiences can identify with. Show how that character is just like the audience at their most vulnerable. Ready to walk away.

But then…

Of course, something will happen to have them give it their best shot in the home stretch.

Even if you have a character drama, think about where you might add production value – something cool you can only see in the movies.

It doesn’t have to be super expensive. But shake up your thinking. Add a surprise, something totally unexpected. If it does one of these things -- crashes, breaks, shatters, catches on fire, or explodes – it adds very cool production value. AND, you may have to tap into some of your deeper creativity to do it!

Very few scripts that I read really surprise me. Most of them are fairly predictable within a range. If you force yourself to add one of these moments, you will tap into some awesome creativity.

You'll be amazed at how it can spice up your story and add an exciting twist to push a character to make a decision after it happens.





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Create an oddball sidekick or supporting character, someone with a unique type of casting. It helps audiences escape their everyday reality.

This is one of the tips you can kind of plop in. Even if you've already written your script, you can go back and make one or more of the supporting or featured characters very quirky and interesting. These kinds of roles are sometimes perfect for a name actor to do a cameo in.

If you’ve written a heavy drama, write at least one scene where something really funny happens and your characters laugh.

If it's a comedy, make sure you have a poignant, touching scene. When the audience feels a variety of emotions from the movie – as long as the predominant one is the one fitting for the genre – it adds emotional impact to the whole thing.

In other words, if you add one dramatic moment in a really funny comedy, it actually makes the comedy funnier.

This is actually a fundamental element of screenplay structure, so if you don't have it, definitely pay attention to this one!





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Simple enough to say, but more complicated to do. Your main character needs to have a personal internal issue that the external plot forces them to deal with. In the end, these two story lines need to merge.

Entire books have been written on this concept starting with Aristotle. I’m not going to elaborate on it right now, but if you know what I mean, make sure it’s there. If you don’t know what I mean, you can either study screenwriting a lot more until you do know what I mean, or alternatively, you could have me critique your script and we could discuss whether you’ve done it or not or how to fix it.

Moving along now to the next tip.

Have a character in your script who IS super cool… or one who acts really cool but is far from it.

Audiences enjoy a character who thinks he’s cool – whether he is or isn’t! Think Fonzie from Happy Days if you’ve heard of him. Characters like this are around a lot in comedies. It’s always fun to see these kinds of characters, especially when the payoff comes!

Think James Bond.

The counter point to the cool guy is a smart, hot girl who knows she's both and knows how to get what she wants. Have her use being smart and hot to help solve a problem in the plot.

And way better if she has a playful sense of humor.



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Killing someone or marrying them is kind of the ultimate, most archetypal stakes for love and hate. Add a chase scene in while doing one of these…. you’re golden.

This ties a little bit back to the being cool as a guy or hot as a woman.

Here you can have the main character make an understatement at the moment he's in the greatest jeopardy. Comic relief. Think Bruce Willis in most of his action films.

Have your character tied up and about to be crushed by the jaws of something as he says: “Hmm… they didn’t show this in the brochure.”

This is the essence of the new beginning. Show that your main character has learned what he or she needed to learn and is now off to the next journey.

This is a fundamental idea in all of story. Joseph Campbell, the great mythology scholar, named this “the hero's journey.”





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People cheer for the underdog to overcome all the odds. It’s about our own journey, facing our fears, battling the great opponent.

Having the Underdog go on a journey and ultimately win, whether it's your main character or someone your main character is fighting for feels like a win for the audience.

Emotionally, they experience that satisfaction of being able to overcome some odds in their own lives. Sometimes the main character simply learns that achieving a certain goal was not actually what mattered, something else was. Either way, when the Underdog has a transformation, it’s cathartic for the audience. That’s why American audiences love happy endings.

Give your character's enemy at least one admirable quality: Make them cool, smart, slick, good-looking, manipulative, powerful, rich, or charming, and one major weakness or negative quality.

Think why the character of Hannibal Lecter was so oddly fascinating – he ate human flesh, but he had an amazing mind. This added dimension and made him more human -- and thus even more frightening. This dichotomy messed with our minds and kept us engaged.

Put some kind of tunnel in your story to represent a transition of any type.





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This point is particularly tongue-in-cheek, but extra funny for me. My first screenwriting class was with the great screenwriting teacher John Truby. I took the class with my dear friend Bo Zenga, who later became my mentor and is now a successful producer.

At one point, John mentioned something, and Bo leaned over to me and joked, "Make a note… Put a tunnel in every movie." I laughed and never forgot it. And I'm here telling you... "Put a tunnel of some sort in your story."

Years later in graduate school while earning my Ph.D. in Mythological Studies, the symbolism of a tunnel came up many times -- whether it’s the birth canal tunnel, the light at the end of the tunnel going home to Jesus or the tight tunnel Indiana Jones always goes down ... Tunnels and metaphors for tunnels always represent the idea of rebirth. A new beginning.

So yes! There should be some kind of tunnel in every movie….

A tunnel the character transformation!





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So there you go, folks! 21 ideas for making your script more commercial.

And entertaining.

It should be obvious that you're not going to put all of these in your script, but it’s a great checklist or brainstorming list to pump up some of your scenes.

To apply some of these, re-read the script you're currently working on. Then go through this list and see where you could jazz up a few elements of your story.

Even if you don't want to actually apply the specific points listed here, just by thinking about where you might be able to add them can squeeze out some creative juice that churns out a few other cool ideas to make your script stand out.

And that will do it for now.

I hope you enjoyed this and will be able to play around with some of these ideas to bring more fun and play into your writing.

And of course.... increase your script's commercial appeal.

Follow me on Twitter at @smartgirlspr.

Melody Jackson, Ph.D.





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For more information on how Smart Girls Productions can help you in your screenwriting career, go to http://smartg.com.

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Melody Jackson, Ph.D., is the owner of Smart Girls Productions, a marketing and consulting firm in Los Angeles, CA. She is recognized as an expert in marketing screenwriters to Hollywood and analyzing screenplays.

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