Annual Study Tips for the Final-ly Challenged

Picture of the WeekPicture of the WeekPicture of the WeekPicture of the Week

.

Boat

(Dramatization)

Saturday - Take It In the Ear Day (WHAT??!)

Sunday - National Pastry Day (heck yes!!)

Monday - Festival for the Souls of Dead Whales (yeah,

that sounds festive)

Tuesday - Most Boring Celebrities of the Year

Convention (guess we'll finally see if Winona Rider is

still alive)

Wednesday - National Ding-A-Ling Day

Thursday - Ice Cream and Violins Day (cause those fit

together so well)

Ramdiculous Observances

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A

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them tell you that they are studying,

ask them if they are following the pre-

scribed steps, as outlined here. If not,

they are no longer your friend and you

should distance yourself immediately

before they are struck by lightning. The

next step is equally important. You

must crack open all your books and lay

them one on top of the other, making

sure to focus on the material you are at

least 50% sure will be on the final.

After that, it's time to take a break. Get

u p a n d

Finals once again draw nigh, it's

time to crack open those books

for the first time and put on the

Ecuadorian coffee and pull all-

nighters. For most of us, this has

become old hat. We have finely

tuned our study strategies and

skills to become the world's great-

est crammers. And yet, for some,

this shall be the first foray into

the dizzying world of university

finaldom. And so, in accordance

with our tradition, we, the staff

of the Ramdiculous Page, offer

up more tips to success in the

realm of academia. Some say that

studying is the best way to attain

the grades you desire, and that

can be true. However, most

people who study often times

end up suffering from what

scientists have come to call "book

blindness." This phenomenon

occurs when a person is found to

have studied for an excessive

amount of time. The precise

length of time has recently been

pinpointed at anywhere between

1 and 2 hours of study time. This

is not straight study time how-

ever, but cumulative. And so, our

staff has done extensive research

on this subject and has devised a

mostly fool-proof method of

studyology that is certain to stave

off the onset of "book blindness"

and potentially increase informa-

tion retention. The process is

very simple and can be imple-

mented at any time and any place

that books or studying are to

abound. The first thing you must

do is find a quiet place to study, a

dark corner of the library, the

Tom Green County Public Li-

brary, a coffee house, a frat party

or a boat house. These places

have environments that are the

most conducive to learning and

thus provide the basis for the rest

of the theory we have developed.

After you have found a place that

is suitable, it is imperative that

you text each and every person in

your phone's contact list to see

what they are doing. If any of

Angelo State ' s Finest Paper Since Fal l 2006

Included in this issue:

Ram of the Week 2

Weekly Rant 2

Quote of the Week 3

Facebook Invasion 3

Poetry Time 4

Who’s this? 4

Thoughts To Ponder 5

Brainteasers 5

Movies 8

Dante Residential 7

Colbert Cornert 5

Darwin Awards 7

So Damn Awesome 6

A

December 7, 2007

Day of Mourning for Dingle-Fritter and

Gooseberry Humple

Volume 3, Issue 10

Continued on page 3

Rams of the Week

Awkwardness...

Having your drunk neighbor reintroduce

themselves to you 4 times in the same

hour....

This section of the Ramdiculous Page is for things that

make a normal person feel awkward…

Submit your thoughts @ ramdiculous.com

There are firsts for everything… even Ram of the Week, this week we are

recognizing two Rams, Ross Powell and Savanna Steele. This great pair

are preparing to start a life together on December 15 @ 5:00 PM at Col-

lege Hills Baptist Church, and would like to invite anyone who knows

them to come help them celebrate their big day. We at the Ramdiculous

Page would like to congratulate them on their new journey.

The Mist Oh, where to begin. The Mist is the

latest Stephen King film to come

out and is certainly not the best. As

much as I have a desire for King

films to be good, or great, this one

sinks all hope. The cinematography

is pretty well top-notch,

but the acting and the

overall plot is as campy

and shallow as you can

possibly get; picture Tour-

istas plot with porno

acting and you have the

overall gist of The Mist.

The film begins with a

monsoon caliber storm

erupting in a small, lake-

side community and ravaging the

homes nearest the waterfront. After

that, things go quickly into the evil

mist taking center stage and all hell

breaks loose. I should point out

that the "mist" actually resembles

more of a fog, and that did not sit

well with me being that the movie,

The Fog has already been made.

Long story short, the mist holds a

dark secret that was released upon

the world by the military. And if

you are curious as to what the evil

is, it is pre-historic looking spiders,

pterydacchtyls and an octopus. Yea,

an octopus.

Well, the ending is

as dark and cruel as

it is brilliant. I don't

want to give it all

away, but the main

character ends up

making a utilitarian

choice that ends up

being ill-fated. Need-

less to say, I laughed

very hard. It was

unexpected and hilarious. And yet,

overall the film failed miserably. I

would have to say that it's probably

one of the worst films I've seen all

year. Thus, this film gets a much

deserved, hard earned D-. There

really was no hope for this from the

start, but you can always hold that

candle until it burns you.

-Kendall T Longbottom

Page 2 Volume 3, Issue 10 Ramdiculous Page

Weekly Rant

Hoy voy a escribir en espanol solamente. Si tienes una problema con esto por favor ahogate. Porque es tu turno para abrir la mesa con todos los ninos. Y tambien tienes un gato en tus panta-lones que esta escribiendo el libro en fuego. Y ahora quiero ver a la medicina con la cucaracha empregnada. La leche tiene mucho hambre. Debes servirle cosas grandes con un pico de gallo. La boca esta debajo de la nariz. Abre la boca y sa-que tu garganta porque no es bueno. Es malo. Muy malo. Hoy es lunes, el dia que la tortilla se invento. Me gust alas tortillas. Te gusta las tortil-las? Por que? Yo quiero abrir la ventana por que hay una mujer afuera y no se valla por que ella no le gusta zanahorias. Quiero acostarme en el piso por que mi cama quiere comereme. First person to translate this correctly gets to know who I am…..on Facebook. If you are not creepy then you may get to see me in person from an obtuse an-gle.

—George Ferguson

stretch, walk around a bit to get your blood flowing; poor circulation is the lead-

ing factor in causing "book blindness." Once you have returned from your break,

it is time to get to studying. But be careful, if not done properly, you will get

"book blindness," and die. And remember, don't study in the missionary posi-

tion, don't study standing up, just don't study! Alright? Okay, everybody take

some pencils. Not really, but this next step is the absolute key to the study

method that will help keep your sight firmly as is -- only study each subject in 2

minute spurts.

That's right! You

have to alternate

subjects every two

minutes and make

sure that you do

not accumulate any

more study time

than one hour. The

principle is simple, it is much like the 2-minute drill in football. The faster you

are able to progress and move forward in your activity, the more points, or infor-

mation, you are able to score, aka retain. By switching every two minutes, your

brain is able to fire neurons more rapidly and spark more knowledge that will

seep into your brain, increasing the chances that you will not go "book blind"

and keep the information you study. And that's it! Simple, right? Now, make

sure you follow this advice and you will most probably, maybe, somewhat ace all

your finals. Have a good break, and take luck!

--Samuel Clemens

What do you want for Christmas?

BSM ActivitiesBSM ActivitiesBSM ActivitiesBSM Activities

Ignite @ 7:30 PM on Monday

Freshmen Bible Study @ 7:30 PM on Tuesday

Logos Lunch @ 12 PM on Friday

Upcoming EventsUpcoming EventsUpcoming EventsUpcoming Events

Holiday Dinner Theatre,

"XSR: Die!," 7 p.m.

Nov. 29-Dec. 1 & Dec. 6-8, 1 p.m.

Dec. 2, Modular Theatre.

Graduation, 10 a.m. & 2 p.m.

Dec. 15, JC/SA.

Quote of the WeekQuote of the WeekQuote of the WeekQuote of the Week “We have a two party system, the

Democratic party, a party of no

ideas, and the republican party,

party of bad ideas” - Lewis Black

Consumables of the

Week

Drink: EggnogEggnogEggnogEggnog

Snack: Gingerbread ManGingerbread ManGingerbread ManGingerbread Man

Make sure you have at least one

this week

i want a new sterep for

my car b/c mine is a

piece of junk

Karshi, Uzbekistan

WEATHER:

This Week’s Happenings

Page 3 Volume 3, Issue 10 Ramdiculous Page

snow

A copy of the

Ramdiculous in

color. Television… If you want it back let us know…

When our favorite shows come back we will put

random ones here… i.e. Lost...

Continued from page 1

DDDDDDDDOOOOOOOO YOUYOUYOUYOUYOUYOUYOUYOU KNOWKNOWKNOWKNOWKNOWKNOWKNOWKNOW WHOWHOWHOWHOWHOWHOWHOWHO THISTHISTHISTHISTHISTHISTHISTHIS ISISISISISISISIS????????????????????????

If you do,

tell us at:

ramdiculous.com

And we will put your name in

the paper.

Page 4 Volume 3, Issue 10 Ramdiculous Page

(sung to the tune of

“It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year”)

Oh the last week of classes is here

There’ll be finals all ending

And RamPoints you’re spending cause you saved them all year

Oh the last week of classes is here

It’s the hap-happiest week of them all

With that final goodbye

To that class that you tried for the fourth time this fall

It’s the hap-happiest week of them all

POETRY TIME

Glen Meadows Baptist Church would like to

invite you to its college ministry!

We meet at the Lake House at 9:00 AM on Sunday Mornings,

as well as Tuesday evenings at 7:00 PM. Come early and stay

late and use our free washers and dryers, as well as the big

screen TV, free food and drinks, and a load of fun. Come by

and check it out.

Oh yeah, the Lake House is across the street from the Glen Meadows, which

is west on Knickerbocker. Take a left down American Legion Road and it is

the first lake house on the right.

When: TONIGHT 9pm

Where: The Oasis (1421 W Beauregard)

Cost: $5 at the door

You don’t want to miss it.

Page 5 Volume 3, Issue 10 Ramdiculous Page

Thoughts To Ponder

• If you pamper a cow, do you get spoiled milk?

• If the FBI breaks your door down do they have to

pay for it?

• How come toy hippos are always blue, or purple,

when real hippos are brown?

Brainteasers

Looking for a customized

website for your business?

seth@sethlife.com

(512) 567-4460

A These are some

brainteasers, if you

don’t know what

they are go home…

the answers will be

down there next

week...

Words of wisdom from the great

Stephen Colbert

"You know what you

can't outsource? You

can't outsource

balls. America is

the world leader in

balls." Art by:

http://www.isthistomorrow.com/

80% of our readers prefer Colbert to Stewart

Gross over-estimate

Blanket

Man up

Charlie Brown

From Peanuts

OHIOWA actTin

WHEATHER

We also have the

RAMDICULOUS

PAGE

in color, online!

Ramdiculous Page Page 6 Volume 3, Issue 10

Hello, again, and welcome back to our continuing examination of Why Stephen Colbert is So

Damn Awesome. This week, sadly, we shall have no article. Our hope and intention was to

have conducted an interview with the illustrious Stephen Colbert himself via phone and pro-

vided you with a transcript of the encounter. However, the fascists at Comedy Central and

Colbert Nation, would not return our numerous requests dating back to late July of this year.

We apologize for the inconvenience, but ask you not to slight Stephen Colbert for the short-

comings of his affiliates. Perhaps 53 e-mails and 10 phone calls is just not enough to solicit

contact with our favorite pundit of all time. This truly is a dark day for the Ramdiculous Page.

We hope you will continue to join us, however, as we will continue to investigate further into

the life of Mr. Colbert in the upcoming spring semester.

Q: What falls down but never gets hurt?

A: A dead baby! (haha..guess I'll reserve the first class

seat on the train to hell)

Q: What do you get when you cross a grape with a

lion?

A: A grape nobody picks on. (yea, that's an actual joke)

Q: What did the man say when the picture fell on his

head?

A: Ow. (oh that's classic)

Q: What's brown and sticky?

A: A stick! (lol..wish i had thought of that one)

Jokes You May or May Not Find

on Laffy Taffy Wrappers Aries- Did you know that thumb cancer

exists? If you use knockoff brand batteries,

you will get it.

Taurus- After you eat, be sure to visit the

doctor. Chances are you just ate a porcu-

pine.

Gemini- Go buy some medals to satisfy your

need for satisfaction.

Cancer- During the Vietnam War, the Vietnamese had tunnels bored into moun-

tains….COOL!

Leo- Wear a helmet on the fourth Sunday of each month.

Virgo- Begin a daily acupuncture diet. Make sure the needles are sterile.

Scorpio- Your refrigerator is infested with non-human beings. Use 204.5. I heard

it kills them (do you get the obtuse joke? DO YA?)

Sagittarius- ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US!

Capricorn- Ode to the elevator fart people. Ode to you, elevator fart people,

thank you for letting us know we are alive. Your attack on our olfactory senses is

a relief to those of us who wondered if we were really breathing.

Aquarius- Trees grow back. So does grass and toilet scum.

Pisces- The act of launching your roommate into a pool is not advised. You will

be sorry in many ways.

Horoscopes

Ramdiculous Page

Ok Ram Rugby fans, this year there are only two home

games left, so plan for them.

Saturday, December 15, 2007 (alumni game)

Saturday, January 19, 2008 (University of Texas)

Remember: new players are always welcome.

Joe, 20, was drunkenly driving through Joe, 20, was drunkenly driving through Joe, 20, was drunkenly driving through Joe, 20, was drunkenly driving through an upstate New York farm town. He an upstate New York farm town. He an upstate New York farm town. He an upstate New York farm town. He drove his car into a ditch and hit a power drove his car into a ditch and hit a power drove his car into a ditch and hit a power drove his car into a ditch and hit a power line. The only way he could get his car line. The only way he could get his car line. The only way he could get his car line. The only way he could get his car out of the ditch without getting a DWI out of the ditch without getting a DWI out of the ditch without getting a DWI out of the ditch without getting a DWI was to steal a nearby farm tractor, and was to steal a nearby farm tractor, and was to steal a nearby farm tractor, and was to steal a nearby farm tractor, and drag the car out himself. He goes to the drag the car out himself. He goes to the drag the car out himself. He goes to the drag the car out himself. He goes to the farm, and gets a tractor drives it out to farm, and gets a tractor drives it out to farm, and gets a tractor drives it out to farm, and gets a tractor drives it out to the scene of the accident. He then pro-the scene of the accident. He then pro-the scene of the accident. He then pro-the scene of the accident. He then pro-ceeded to drive into the down power ceeded to drive into the down power ceeded to drive into the down power ceeded to drive into the down power lines. Electrocuting himself to death.lines. Electrocuting himself to death.lines. Electrocuting himself to death.lines. Electrocuting himself to death.

Ramdiculous Page T-Shirts? Ok, so all semester we have been trying to get some

shirts… We will have them the first week of school

next semester. Be prepared, they will be ten bucks.

Page 7 Volume 3, Issue 10

Darwin Awards

Ramdiculous Page

R A M D I C U L O U S P O L I C Y Published every Friday and available to students on campus. This

newspaper does not express the opinions of any writer, editor, or

anyone affiliated with Angelo State University or the Texas Tech

University system or this newspaper. We welcome all letters. Please

include your name, position, and an email address. Letters are

subject to laws governing obscenity, libel and privacy. All submis-

sions are considered property of the Ramdiculous Page and will not

be returned. Submit your letters via our email,

page@ramdiculous.com. Opinions in any letter or writing are not

necessarily those of the staff, nor should any opinion expressed in a

public forum be construed as the opinion or policy of the admini-

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giving the Ramdiculous Page permission to use your Facebook or

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you are a teacher you need not worry, we will not use your profiles.

AWAKE

1:15pm 4:15pm 7:15pm

10:05pm

AUGUST RUSH

1:40pm 4:40pm 7:40pm

10:30pm

Hitman

1:10pm 4:10pm 7:10pm

10:00pm

Fred claus

1:35pm 4:35pm 7:35pm

10:25pm

MoviesMoviesMoviesMovies That We Want To SeeThat We Want To SeeThat We Want To SeeThat We Want To See

A

e-mail: page@ramdiculous.com

Ramdiculous Staff

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ANGELO STATE'S FINEST

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Page 8

Kayla is sad because she doesn't

like her hair cut. She decided to

give it up for missions - so this Fri-

day come see Kayla Spence get a

mullet for missions. Check the

BSM at noon on Friday...