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The Spectator

4-1-1954

Spectator 1954-04-01Editors of The Spectator

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Finance Major in Scandal:

This announcement is no sur-prise,as the two groups have beennoted for their cooperation andfriendly relationship,andthe mem-bers of both groups have longawaited such a move.

Yesterday, Bill Finnegan andKen Southern, the leaders of theIntercollegiate Knights and theAlpha Phi Omega respectively, an-nounced that the two service or-ganization have voted to merge.

The merger willbecome effectivetomorrow when the former IKswillwear APO pins, while the lateOmegans will wear IK sweaters.There are still somedetails to workout, such as who is absorbing who,and what name the organizationwill go by.

Many names for the new com-bine have been submitted, and the

Student in Bank HoldupFor Valuable Experience

Intermission(As Janitors clean up corpses

and assorted garbage and junk)

I'llBeSeeingYou.GrandEnsembleCandles passed into Audience,

as Everybody Sings.Well, all younice people,be sure

and be there now. We'll all be soglad to see all of you. Oh, yes,we will! Yes, indeedy do, we will!

Divertimento Magnifico in G-FlatMajor for Piano, Bongos, Uke-lele, Irish Harp, Concertina,Ocarina,Recorder,Ima Sumac,Wash-Boards, Train Whistle,Big Ben, Foghorn, Jet Engine,Johnnie Ray,'Clavichord, Air-Raid Siren, Maracas, EddieFisher, Wurlitzer Juke Box,Sackbut and Psaltery

by C. F. "Tiz"Gestaltdorf(Dedicated to King Farouk,Marilyn and Joe DiMaggio)

Alouette Folk SongPiano, Orchestra, the BarclayGirls doing the can-can, JeanSablon, Stan Freberg andEartha Kitt, vocal trio.

GaudeamusIgitur Middle AgesPiano, Orchestra, Chorus aug-mented by students from Hei-delberg (they teach Schnappcourses there), the Sorbonneand the Rathskeller.

Part II

Liberace To Initiate PianoAidedby Cast of ThousandsBy PRUDENCE PENNYPINCHER

Guess who's going to be dedicat-ing our brand-new grand piano inthe Chieftain Lounge, all younicepeople? Aw, gee, anyhow, youguessedit! Who else but that BeerTownpiario-pounder,Wladziu Val-entino Liberace (popularly knownas Liberace,pronounced "Lee-beh-rah-chee").

Coming from Milwaukee, Lib-erace will play a special programinaugurating the grand piano pur-chased through Christmas Cardsales. Appearing with theSudsvillekeyboard-banger in the candle-litlounge on Saturday, April 24, at8 a.m., will ,be Brother George,leading his string sinfonietta anda 3,000-voice chorus taken fromLa Scala inMilan, the A CappellaChoir, the Fred Waring Chorus, thevoices of Walter Schumann andLes Paul and Mary Ford.

PROGRAMPart I

Mendelssohn's Spring SongPiano Solo

Oh, My PapaJ. Plastino, soloistPiano accompaniment

Easter ParadeOrchestra and ROTC DrillTeam

Tip-Toe Through the Tulips(Settingmoved to West Quad-rangle amid Father Nichols'posies)

Act II, Triumphal Scene from"Aida," by VerdiPiano, Orchestra, 3-000-voice

chorus and a cast of liter-allyTHOUSANDS! (Scene

moved to Little The-ater; seating in firstbalcony only)

JIM SABOL, popular columnist for The Speculator, showed no sign ofremorse when holding up a downtown bank yesterday.

Sabol is well known on thecam-pus for his syndicated Speculatorcolumn, "Listen You Dogs, There'sa Man in the House!"

"What will those silly collegekids do next," was the question inthe mind of every Seattle citizenthis morninf. Last night at 11:02p.m. kindly looking Seattle U stu-dent Jim Sabol held up the Bankof California in front of hundredsof startled customers.

Breaking into the bank at ex-actly 11 p.m., Sabol walked up tothe teller with a .45 automatic inone hand anda copy of Fr.McGar-rigle's General Ethics book in theother. "I was studying for a testthe next day," he later explained.

He thrust thegun into the aston-ished face of the teller and de-manded, "Give me all the moneyyou've got or I'll tell my mother."The gentleman behind the cagecould hardly resist this heart-breaking plea, so he immediatelydumped all the cash on hand intoJimmy's book bag.

Robber NabbedApprehended as he walked out

of the bank, Sabol said flippantly,"I^ve been lending my support tobanks, piggy and otherwise, foryears. Where did it get me

—any-

how? So what's the big fuss whenIhold up a little old bank? Any-way,Iama finance major atSeat-tleUand my teachers say Ishouldget all the experience]i can. HowcanIget experience withoutmoney

Mv Sigma for a public addresssystem.

The remainder will be used fora new ping-pong table, badly inneed.

'Until now the conference

room table was being used, but itwill be needed for the forthcomingmumblety-peg national elimina-tions (see campus calendar).

The change was fexplained byTommy, "The kids will just haveto buy autograph books to writetheir cute sayings in. Besides, noone wouldever turn up for picture-taking and Sheila and Iran outof photos of ourselves."

Sheila had this to add, "No onewould ever pronounce Aegis rightand I just got sick and tired ofit. It is supposed to be said 'EEE-

AEGIS Cancels Publication;Editors Prefer Ping-Pong

A statement was issued from theAegis office early this week, soquietly that hardly anyone no-ticed. But it is expected to havefar-reaching implications. Co-edi-tors of the yearbook,Sheila Sharp-nose andTommy Cooler stated thatthere would be no publication ofthis year's annual, in fact it isn'teven going to come out.

At first this might seem to be aselfish move on the part of theusually hard-workingstaff, but thisis not so. Sheila and Tommy saythat the whole thing is a greatsacrifice and was carefully consid-ered. It was decided that themoney was more vitally neededelsewhereon campus. Aegis fundswill be transferred to the BuildingFund Drive basketballneeds and

RUSSIANS ARE COMING WEDNESDAYThere will be a free-for-all dis-

cussion in the Chieftain lounge at8:00 Wednesday morning. Every-one, evenstudents, is invited.

Inan effort tobring about betterrelationsbetweenournations,Igor-scovIvansichand Clanistovin Plop-istovichsky are coming.

Because of the mutual interest,understanding and work towardworldpeace by our two countries,a more controversial subject hasbeen chosen for the formal debate.Topic to be argued is: "Do theweather conditionsof China affectthe price of eggs in Italy?"

Flash! Scoop! Stop the presses!On Wednesday next, Seattle Uni-versity will have the hitherto un-dreamed-of honor of hosting twostudent debaters from no otherland but— Russia!

CLANISTOVIN PLOPISTOVICHSKYPlaid Russian

glorious Russian women's profes-sion of street-sweeping."

The question: "What willyou dowhenyou get to this country?" wasanswered with "We will succeedin convincing others that our ideasare all A-l First Class and every-one else's are indicative of capital-istic war-mongering."

These replies, so courteouslyworded,lead the organizers of thislittlesession to believe that all willhave a peachy-keen, rihkety-tinktime.

And incidentally, our visitorswill be chummily opposed by Re-publican Wayne Angevine andDemocrat Dick Manning. These lat-ter students arewellknownaroundschool for their long-suffering andquiet acceptanceof opinions whichdo not agree with their own.

Last month, the Debate Club atSU sent a questionnaire to Sichand Sky. After being written by"Pravda" and checked by the NXYD, their answers were forwardedtous. They wereasked: "What willyou think of American women?"They answered: "Their manner ofdress revealsan extreme liberalitywithmoney and their physical con-stitution leads one to believe thatthey would not be suited to that

The Russian students are ex-pected to take a stand on the beliefthat eggs and weather were bothinvented by Russia. However,asidefrom this minor detail, the discus-sion shouldproceedwith exceedingamicability. Ambulances will bestationed at the Madison andSpring Street entrances of theChieftain.

SEATTLE Spectator UNIVERSITY

IGORSCOV IVANSICHWhite Russian

Vol. XXI ■"€^- ® SEATTLE, WASHINGTON, THURSDAY, APRIL 1, 1954

IKs and A Phi 0 To Merge;Just One Big Happy Family

field has narrowed down to two:'"The IntercollegiateOmegans" andthe "Inphi-Knights." Pledges tothe new group might well beknown as the "Phi-Knights."

Emergency Meet HeldAnother service organization

considered joining the merger,namely the Spurs, but difficultieswere foreseen. The AssemblyBoard held an emergency meetinglast night at the Cottage and theygave their unanimous"approval tothe move.

Southern and Finnegan are nowformulating plans for future proj-ects. Among those under consider-ation are the building of a sevenstory underground garage to ac-commodate student cars, and thedevelopment of robots to usher atgames.

No. 23

GET WISE!Listen, you boobs! If you

haven't had your AEGIS pic-tures taken yet, you're late ..already. We don't particularlywant your ugly faces but weneed the money.

Since the AEGIS is suspend-ing publication and won't becoming out this year, we musthurry and getall pictures takenimmediatelybeforethestaff dis-bands completely.

Meet in Jon Arnt's darkroomat 1p.m. tomorrow and we willsee what develops.

Jon ArntArrested AsCounterfeiter

Bill FentonCaught For

Embezzlement

Transcripts Out Today!The long

-awaited winter

quarter grades will be handedout today by IKs according tothe schedule below:

A-D—

Room 123E-H— Room 412I-L— GymM-P— Little TheaterQ-T— ClothingLabU-Z

—Psychological Service

Center

REGISTER laRLY!

The National Threat

"Many American news-papers are read, but manyRussian newspapers arered."

—Wilhelm DandruffThe Worst

Seattle speculatorSERVICE 2 APRIL 1, 1954 GRAVY

"What this country needs is a goodfive-second commercial

—or better

still, none at all."— Any eager TV fan.

Our many SU fans should beinterested to note a policy changein this column. After reportingnotlong ago that Eddie Fisher wasnamed as the top recording per-sonality of 1953, »I listened onceagain to his recording of "Oh, MyPapa" and found it delightful.

The harmony displayed by thetrumpet solo is outstanding andFisher himself showed true talent.Never again will this columnistreport on a record which he hasonly heard once.Ithas been rumored that Perry

Como, who was quoted as callingFisher "my boy," will be takinga few voice lessons from Eddie.This writer predicts that a newComo versionof "Sonny Boy" willsoon sweep the US.

Itseems that several new youngvoices are hitting their first notesin the worldof tone. Although thevolume isstrong, thequality needssome improve-

these will beheard from inthe years tocome.Thiscol-umnist feels itis always agood policy tohelp thesestruggling young artists. If youhave one in your neighborhood besure and givehim your full cooper-ation and encouragement.

In the last issue of "Upbeat,"Johnnie Ray, in an inclusive inter-view, stated that he will go ontour with the MetropolitanOperaCompany for the next six months.

Although it means breaking hiscontract and thus losing a greatdeal of money, Johnnie had thisto say: "Art for art's sake is theonly possible answer for a 20thcentury singer." "

He will sing roles in "MadamButterfly," "The Marriage of Fi-garo" and other well-knoWnoperas.This writer takes the liberty topredict a swing of American youthto the more classical records andartists.

Flat-Notes: The Drama Guild'spresentationsof "Found a Peanut"and "Alouette" are really some-thing to hear. ... The new tunethatreceivesmy vote for the "mostlikely to be a hit" title is "There'llBe Some ChangesMade," by AdlaiStevenson....Ihope you allenjoythe daily musical renditions by theShephard Ambulances as much asthis writer does. . .. Don't missthat newhit musical comedy, "Call

Not Up to Snuff " JUG PLASTICMe a Mad-Man," starring Fr.Tou-louse. .. .Mrs. Anderson, genialrestaurateuse of the Chieftain, isnegotiating with Soprano HelenTraubel to appear withLiberaceatthe piano dedication.They will doa duet on "Cement Mixer, Putty,Putty.". . . Next Christmas lookaround your neighborhood recordshop for an album of carols doneby the Vets' Hall Chorus. Thisspecialrecording was madeduringthe Dec. 16 concert. ... A newmusical group is being organized,namely the "Four Grunts and aGroan." This quintet which willcompete with the Chanticleers iscomposed of Mr.Bell,Fr.Gilmore,Fr. Toulouse, Mr. Aklin and MissBeeson.... We may be going outon a limb, but we predict that"Secret Love," by Doris Day isgoing to be a hit....On hearingit for a third time, Ithink "Oh,My Papa" stinks!!!

Open LetterTo: Col. Gen. U. R. A. Dope

" Rotters Obnoxious to Colleges(ROTC)

Dear U. R. A. Dope:My nameisMrs. Smoke Cool and

Iam the mother of a sweet younglad of 18 named Real. My son findsit impossible to attendall thesocialactivities provided by the schooland the drill, drill, drill of theROTC.

Since the aforesaid social activi-ties aremost necessary to his char-acter development,Ihave reachedthe conclusion that theROTC mustgo!

Also,Iam a widow and there isa man in my life. Iwould like tohave him in the life of my dearson, too. With the little time leftfor other commitments, Real findsit impossible to spend any time athome. .

My request is that which anythoughtful mother would make. Iwant my boy to know his futurefather and would not think of re-marrying without his consent. Myfinance-to-be is named B. Georgeand there is nothing Iwant morethan tohave my son take thenameof Real George.

There must be trillions of othermoms all over the man who alsohave reasons for wanting to seetheir sons more often. Obviously,the social doings can't be cut out.I'm not asking too much, am I?No!The ROTC must go!

Tearfully yours,MRS. SMOKE COOL,

soon to beMRS. B. GEORGE

mother ofREAL COOL '

soon tobe,Ihope,REAL GEORGE.

But alas, alack, another problemdawns. Were you one of the oneswhose norn de plume did not ap-pear in theabove poll? Would youlike to see your name in print?Well we aim to please. Below inthe space provided,sign your JohnHenry or Mary Jane and give usyour opinion of the music in thelounge. Then deposit it in theASSU office so that Student BodyPresident Flip Smith can person-ally over-lookyoursuggestions. Wethank you!

James Roosevelt: "Just OneMore Chance."

Gene Tierney: "South of theBorder."

Hedda Hopper: "In My EasterBonnet."

Charley McCarthy and EdgarBergen: "Hold Me,Hold Me, Hold Me."

Father Flajole: "I hope to close

«i situation with myinion which is 'Auf

Wiedersehn'."The problemis not utterly hope-

less, as you can see. Maybe wewon't have to quit after all, onlyresign partially, or stage a walk-out Gromyko-fashion. Well, any-way, the solution is solved. Theday is saved!

Malenkov:"RedSails in theSun-set."

to the BallGame."Dick Haymes: "Stranger in Para-

dise"

PhilHarris: "LittleBrown Jug."Marilyn Monroe: "Take Me Out

Frankie Sinatra: "Don't Let theStars Get in YourEyes."

Colhecon Club: "If I'dKnowedYou was coming I'dHave Baked a Cake."

Father Royce: "It's Up to You."Father McGolderick:

" 'My De-sire' is purely ab-stract, but 'Dream aLittleDream of Me."

MacArthur:"I'll BeSeeing You."McCarthy: "No Help Wanted."Rita Hayworth: "Changing Part-

Anatomy Club: "We're for solidmusic with that 'deepin the heart of Texas'beat."

Various answers have been re-ceived regarding the question,"What kind of music would themusic-lovers like to sooth theirjangled nerves?"

What can be done? A simplesolution to this situation has beenfound. You eager Sherlocks solvethe dreadfully delightful dilemm.ayourselves. We quit!

Record Notes" MISS TAKEStop right where you are! Were

you one of the guilty ones whohave been passing remarks con-cerning music in the lounge as ifthey were five dollar bills? It hasbeen rumored that the theory ofrelativity is no longer the currentquestion over the coffee cup. Ouraccusation stands on firm groundsand we won't let it go down thedrain. ,

Now if it takes three dimes toget one candy bar from the ma-chine in the Science Building, andan unknown number and luck toget one from the machine in BuhrHall, how many minutes, at therate of 17,608.573 dimes per second,will it take to get ten candy barsfrom the machine in the cafeteria?

All answers submitted will beheld in strict confidence and ex-posed at the next Senate hearing.

This week's sneak puzzle hasbeen obtained at great personalrisk. Information was acquiredthrough the tapping of wires by awell-known government investi-gating committee prying into thedocuments of Candy, Inc.

We lay the facts out lor you, thepublic, to judge.

Seattle University SpeculatorMember of WILDWEST NONCOLLEGIATE PILL CONFERENCE

Member of COMMUNICATING COMMUNICATIONSInitial publicationof the Unsociable Students of Seattle University. Published

meekly on Thursdays in non-leap years, twice in leap years. Editorial and busi-ness offices nowhere and subject to quick removal. Entered as Journalism Classmale.

NIT WIT advertising representatives: Anaheim, Azusa, and Cucamonga.

ADMINISTRATION STAFFPrincipal Wilhelm Dandruff The WorstAssistant Principal Susis ShampooBored of Regents Rita Comb, Harry PinBored of Trustys .Basketball Team*

DEPARTMENT HEADSCoach . Pop HaggertyAssistant Coach .. Bob KlugNurse Kernel SchellDean of Women PudgeDelmasDean of Men John "Cafe" Mihelich

FACULTYEnglish Dizzy DeanArithmetic .— j y isn't TaughtSpelling v Mr. SuverLogic Bill FentonScience . Fr. GilmoreReading _ Bob GiblinArt Fr. ToulouseMusic i Jim PlastinoCooking Al Brightman

ODDS AND ENDSFire Extinguisher Jack GordonChief Janitor Public Health Dept.Chiet Gardener 1 Mrs. Leonard

P.-T. A.President Fr. RoyceSecretary Jack HoskinsTreasurer Bing Crosby

(Song .„ "Oh, My Papa")

MOTTO—

Tht freedom of the press is a hot potato. Use it justly, hold ithigh, and pass the gravy.

OUR LITTLE INSPIRATIONAL MESSAGE FOR TODAY: Comb.your hair down over your forehead; you'll get a bang out of it!

Predictions: (This corner has been 99-44/100 purely correct.) Ourfirst prediction: All students who receive E's this quarter have flunkeda course. You can bet on that! Our second prediction: Georgi Malenkov,rising Hollywood character actor (recently starred in "Red Sails in theSunset"), will go places in his next pic, "From the Hills of Dnieperpe-trovsk to the Shores of Vladivostok." It's a Real George talkie!

CHIPS OFF THE OLD BLOCK-HEADIs it really true thatMary Canavan cut classes the other day, went

into town and was fleeced at a clip joint? We understand that a lotof her hard-earnedmoney, gleaned by taking in washing at MitchellHall, was lost in this cutup. Shear folly, we say....Attention, flower-lovers!!! Did younoticeallthe beautifuldaffodils and crocuses in bloom?FatherNichols is anxious thatall students filltheir needs.... We under-stand that quite a few of the boys have givenup smoking for Lent andhave now resorted to chewing tobacco. For sanitary reasons, we feelthat the school should install spitoons in appropriateplaces throughoutthe campus. ... Another tidbit! It's rumored that a case of booze wasfound Ina dorm locatedon campus. Due to quick thinking by a facultymember, the Intoxicating beverage was discovered. However the caseis stillbeing worked on.

Cupid's Corner: Well, well, what have we here! It seems wemustsalute our steady-goers with a spinning of "I'm Walking Behind You"for D. B. and M. S., C. L. and B. G., M. M. and J. N., J. I. and M. M.,Q. T. and P. Q., A. G. and F. S., G. T. and A. X., I.B. and R. R., K.I. and N. G. We also see our two electrical engineering students keep-ing company: Eddy Current andMillie Ampere. Also T. V. A. and theC. V. A. are really hitting It off.

Dirt Along the Mall" AGNES AGONY[Editor's Preface: The Speculator has received so many loud and

vociferous demands for a gossip column that, we havedecided to give into the public will, being ourselves but servants of the common good,whose will is our command. And knowing our duties and obligationsto the body politic and unaccustomed as we are to public oratory, wenevertheless shall accede to the people's desires. Moreover desiringto please, to edify and, above all, to raise the standards of journalismnot only here, but there and everywhere, we herewith presentour bud-ding new columnist, Agnes Agony (Agatha's sister), the poor man'sMrs. Anthony and Cleopatra.]

Well then, join me as Imake a toast... (whoops) ... join me asItake the road in protest to the SCHMOO. Remember, the fate of theeconomic status of the nation is in jeopardy.The un-AmericanSCHMOO(those Socialists!) want to give you something for nothing. You mustfight. Where is your pride? Z. Z. Z.

They wereoutlawed. You know that. Is itthat youhave no respectfor the sanctions of your country? You must fight this new threat to thefinish. NomoreSCHMOO. Hard, back-breaking labor is the only honestway to get away with things. You are honest. Do you accept moneyfrom your parents? Do you let your employer give you bonuses orpay you more than the paltry 50 to 75 cents anhour that you actuallyearn? You are honest!

Stand up, pull in your belts a little tighter, oust, Isay oust, thesecunningly delectable little fiends. Use something else for your tooth-picks — don't let them get under your skin. Refuse to broil them forsteaks— who likes steak anyhow? Don't be a chicken

—throw away all

their nice, fresh, grade A eggs.

Where is your pride? To what depths have you fallen? Thatsocialites of dear old Social U should become so depraved as to acceptcharity. You know what I'm talking about. What else but the SCHMOO?You were promised by Al Capppp and Co. that they weregone forever.No more receiving of gifts without having to pay. No more gratis milk,eggs, bacon, steak, chicken. No more luscious edibles free for nothing.

Don't bother revolting against the Communist regime. Don't bothercriticizing McCarthy. Don't even bother slamming Jughead Plastino.But for your sake and that of your children for centuries to come

—arise! Down with the SCHMOO!

DILEMMA

J^^^saj Tin* Hog

1^JJifJ Man IIoiim*■i la iar^»^«"« B^ K NINE

Blow the maingasket! Hoist the lanyard! Unfurl the leaf springs!No, it's not a new crusade by this department, although we still thinkthat the namePapoose should be changed to Papeese. "After all, manygooses are geese, mice are meece"— oh, well, that was another issue.

But the occasion is: the birthday of this column which also claimsthe following distinction:

Tho' April Fool comes once a year.When the day is over, shed not a tear;

For zany antics will still aboundIn this department all year 'round." " "

We see that the new system of bussing dishes (not to be confused

with the two-legged variety, tho' we do admit the presence of several"tomatoes" in the kitchen, not to mention the many "peaches" at thetables) in the Chieftain is working out very well. As you recall,a gold

star is awarded each time one busses the dishes from a table. (Justmake sure her boy friend is not around or the nature of the awardmay be altered somewhat.) These gold stars may be accumulated toa total of 50 which can then be exchanged for one big gold star or alittleone on your transcript and your name enclosed in the time capsuleof the new swimming poolbuilding.

"The best part of the whole setup," says Mrs. Anderson, "is that

two groups of five gold stars may be exchanged for ten gold stars atanv time

" In a surprise move just as this goes to press, Father Mc-Guigan also hinted that transcript gold stars might be traded for credits.

Who knows?

Athletic Director NabbedOn Embezzlement Charge

By W. "DANDY" WORST, JR,Graft has hit the SU Athletic Department. No player has

thrown a game;no points have been shaved. No, the situationis much more serious.

How much longer are you going to keep that (ugh!)Coach H. A. Brightman? Don't you realize he doesn't evenhave a college degree? We don't approve of that sort ofthing, you know. We're going to ban him in our league.

Righteously,P. C. C.

Answer: Ifdegrees were granted in victories, H. A. would be thegrand-daddy of all Ph.D.'ers. You wouldn't be from a southern Coastschool, would you?Dear Chump:

You are the worst forecaster of them all. You're makingGallup's predictions look like mere horseplay. According toyou, SU had won the NCAA, both Western Regional andNational Tourney, and now have no worlds to conquer. Well,you and Iboth know what happened. I'd like to suggestthat the Fire-Chiefs change their name to Police Chiefs —you know, they're all shot.

GOONBURG GRIPERAnswer: Ithink the only thing that was shot was a two-buck bet.

Right?

Dear Sir:Iam representing the MetropolitanOpera Company. Dur-

ing a Western business tripIhad the good fortune of seeingthose amazing Chieftains of yours in several games. In ref-erence to these gamesIwould like to locate the young ladywith the wonderful vocal assets who continually urged onone of the players. The only clue to her identity that f canoffer you is the words she kept saying: "Come on, Cal." Butthat voice, such vitality! Just the one we need for our nextproduction, "Chloe." Can you help me find her?

O. PERAAnswer: Ithink a lot of local coeds were probably voicing the

above-namedsentiments, but I'll Wagar that thisone in particular willaccept your potential Gold.Dear Sir:

I'm desperate. My six kids are out begging. No onewill hire me. Couldn't the Tacoma Boys^ use me as thirdassistant line coach, or something? Please answer quickly.

Despairingly,FRANK LEAHY

P.S. Don't call collect.Answer: Head Coach Karpach says he can't afford to take risks on

a nobody. I'm sorry,Frank, but until you've proved yourself, well...Dear Pal:

Me and my little brother have been reading about thetough season you guys have had. Only 26 wins out of 28games. Pretty poor, huh! But if you think you've had itbad, take a look at my brother, "Shots." Why just last weekin a tournament he only made 82 out of 85 free-throws andaveraged only 32 points a game. He just doesn't seem tohave that old eye any more. Yep, it's been a pretty bumseason all around. See you soon.

Your old friend,EDDIE

P.S. Say hello to Pat, Jeanne and Al for us.Answer: Stop it. You're breaking my heart. Pass the crying towel,

George.

Every columnist who has been at a loss for words at a late hourbefore the deadline,has opened his mail and found a dearth of freshnew material. Being no exception to the usual harassed journalist, weresort to this low trick fend have come up with the following commentsby our readers.Dear Sir:

Joseph R. "Appleton, Wisconsin,Terror" McCarthy, promising con-tender for Marciano's heavyweighttitleandan outstanding Marquetteboxer, has indicated his intentionto enroll at SU this coming fallquarter. This was announced thisn.orning by the Athletic office.

McCarthy, who is famed forleading consistently with his chin,could not be contactedimmediatelyat his training camp midway be-tween the Pentagon and the StateDepartment.

Nationally Known HeavyweightPlans Fall Quarter Registration

However,"Subdeacon Roy"Conn,McCarthy's manager,stated for thepress: "My boy will go places; inhis time he's tackled a lot of bigboys and, look, he's still around.When hegoes to thePacifiic North-west, he'll clean up there, too."

In his entourage, McCarthy isbringing Davy Schine.head trainer;W. R. Hea,rst, Jr., public relationsman, and his sparring partners,Ralph Zwicker, "Fightin' Bob"Stevens,Dean "Bobo" Acheson andEdward R. "Golden Boy" Murrow.

SPECULATOR

SPURTS

Thursday, April 1, 1954 THE SPE CTAT0 R

POLICE ARREST WILLARD FENTON3

CASEY, our beach-comber photog-rapher, caught vacationing WillardFenton, SU Athletic Director, at hitMiami beach cabana with hit all-teeing camera eye. Fenton, nattilyattired in the latettFlorida style, hatbeen hiding out after abtcondingwith the athletic fundl.The coliseum will seat 12,000

persons, plus standing room for2,000 more with permission of theflre marshalof the City of Seattle.

Swimming in Basement

On the north side of thebuildingthere will be separate intramuralgymnasiums for men and womenstudents.

The athletic offices will be

The main part of the coliseumwill be the playing area whichwillhave anareaof three standardsize courts. The game floor will bea convertible section affair con-structed of a specialhardwood im-ported from the Philippine Islands.

Estimated cost of the new coli-seum is to be in the vicinity of$350,000.31, according to ProjectChairman Joe Budnick. Construc-tion is expected to extend over atwo-year period.

Cadillacs Given Away

Funds for this new athletic col-iseum will be raised through thecombined efforts of the students,alumni and faculty who togetherwill sponsor a huge fund drive inwhich five Cadillac automobiles,twenty television sets, twelve furcoats and two tickets to anySeattleU baseball game (compliments ofWillard M. Fenton), will be givenaway as prizes.

The new sports arena will coveran areaof almost two city blocks.The site chosen by University offi-cials is the twoblocksbetween10thAye. and12thAye. and MarionandColumbia Streets.

Maloney NamedConstructionof thenewcoliseum

will beg-in sometime next spring.Plans for the huge athletic plantare being drawnup by the SeattleIIEngineering Department in con-junction with John W. Maloneyand Co., Seattle architectural firm,whichdesigned the Student UnionBuilding.

The decision to forego construc-tion of the buildings mentionedin the previous paragraph wasprompted by the rapid growth ofSeattle University as a majorpower in collegiate basketball cir-cles and by Seattle's need for alarge arena in which Jack Hurleymay stage a big bout betweenHarry Matthews and Rocky Mar-ciano, world'sheavyweight cham-pion.

Construction PlansFor Gym Revealed

By JOHN MINGUSClimaxing a week of bickering

back and forth between the facultyand Athletic Department repre-sentatives, it has been decided thatconstruction of the new athleticcoliseum will precede the buildingof the MemorialLibrary, Financeand CommerceBuilding and JesuitFaculty House.

housed on the south side of thehuge sports arena. These officeswill include: coaching1 staff office,office of the director of athletics,Willard M.Fenton;office of the theassistantdirector of athletics. JackGordon; office of Athletic NewsBureau headed by Bill Sears, pub-lic address man for the SeattleRalniers, and lastbut not least theoffice of Robert Klug, Seattle Uni-versity statistician. > .

Other facilities for boxing,wrestling, handball, ping

-pong,

pool, bowling and swimming willbe located in the basement.

It was revealed today by the office of the President thatthe Athletic Department is overdrawn to the tune of $25,000.Shocked students and teachersare allup in arms. "Where hasit gone?" is the question on the lips of one andall. Ina daringexpose the Speculator exclusively reports the answer.

At the left we have pictured the answer. Willard Fenton,popular young Athletic Director atSU for the past three years,

hasbeen arrestedinMiami,Fla.,ona charge of embezzlement.Miamipolicepicked up Fenton at a plushresort hotel where he has beenknown as "that big spender fromthe West."

Fenton yielded to the policewithout a struggle. In a writtenconfession, thesurly ex-coach andplayer admitted leaving SeattleMarch 10 with $25,000 of SU Ath-leticFunds.

From Seattle he travelled toKansas City for the NCAA finals.He gave no indication to his com-panions as to his real intentions.Then, whilein Kansas City, on thepretextof going out for cigarettes,he disappeared completely. Con-tinuing in his confession, Fentonstated that he next hoppedaplanefor Miami, where he started thehigh living which led to his arrest.

Fenton refused to divulge anyreasons for his actions. He willbe flown back to Seattle Saturday,April 3, and tried for the embezzle-ment charge

Back here in Chieftainville theimmediate effects werevaried.As-sistant Athletic Director Jack Gor-don said, "That rascal, he neversaid»a word to me." Bill Sears, SUsports publicitydirector,couldofferno explanation for his boss' behav-ior. Al Brightman, genial coach,revealed that several days ago hehad receiveda postcard from Fen-ton from Miami, with the inscrip-tion: "Wish you were here," butthat he didn't suspect anything atthe time.

A drastic shakeup in the Ath-letic Department will result fromFenton's confinement. His job ofAthletic Director is wide open, orso states the Presidentof the Uni-versity.

The most logical choice for thejob, of course, is his dynamic as-sistant, Jack Gordon. However,several others who appear to beunder considerationare Bob Klug,professional student and long-timegym director; Joe Pehanick, starplayer on this season's squad, andBob Hedequist, frosh coach.

Fenton's three-week wild spreeaccounted for most of the missing$25,000 and SU officials report thatmany planswillhave to bechangedto alter this deficit.

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"NYET, NYET, NANYETTE"

Thursday, April 1, 1954

Counterfeit Plot ExposedIn Jon Arnt's Darkroom

Campus CalendarApril I—Student1 — Student Body Skip Day (Don't miss it!)April 2— City-Wide Mumblety Peg Contest (StudentUnion Bldg.)April 3— Annual Beach Ball.April 4— Final Exams.April s—Blew5

—Blew Monday (Bring your kites).

April 6— Meatless Tuesday. Free hamburgers in Chieftain.April 7— Trash Wednesday. Intramural Locker Cleaning Event.April B—Eggless8 — Eggless Thursday.April 9— County-Wide Mumblety Peg Contest (Conference Room)April10

—Scottish Scrounge (sth Annual Fling).

April 11— Double Feature! Student Union Lounge—

"Outlaw" and"Moon Is Blue."

April 12— Hiyu Overnight, Noon to 1 P.M.

April 13—

Last Chance to Turn In Fund Drive Books.April 18

—Movies in Student Union Building discontinued.

April19— 9-

1 A.M. Tea Time (Cottage).April 20

—Comic Book Sale in Bookstore. Ten-cent comic books

reduced to 25 cents.April 21— Feast of St. Mxjphzclk.April 22

—De-canonization of St. Mxjphzclk. (Pope couldn't pro-

nounce.)April 23

—State-Wide M.P.C. (Room 124).

April24— Liberace Dedicates Piano in StudentUnion Bldg.April 25

—Finance Company Picks up Piano.

April 26— Player Piano Donated.

April 28—

Second Vice President's Holiday.April 29— First Vice President Holiday.April 30— National Finals M.P.C. (Room 9E).

Construction Trouble:

JON ARNT, photographer for SU, strikes a nonchalant pose. Winners ofMystery Man contest are advised to check prise money.

Jon Arnt, flashy man-about -campus, has developed into some-thing more than meets the eye.Seattle police, the FBI and Na-tionalGuard broke into Arnt's stu-dio late last night in the hope ofexposing a counterfeit syndicate.

As they suspected, proofs wereeverywhere. An extensive searchof the dark room revealed a ma-chine which only enlarged theirbeliefs. The photographer had ap-parently been making his ownmoney for years.

When asked if he would confessto the whole scheme, he answeredin the negative. "I was only col-lecting dollars bills to check withthe lucky dollar contest," he said,gesturing toward a stack of 5,000newly printed five-dollar billsdry-ing in a corner.

Arnt was first suspected whenhe tried to pass a ten-dollar billwith John O'Brien's picture on theface. On the other side was ascenic view of South Amboy, N.J.

Photographer BreaksAfter several hours of question-

ing in the interrogationroom, Arntfinally broke. "I did it," he yelled.He was calmeddown enough to ex-plain, "When Igot the news thatthe Aegis was going to suspendpublication,everything wentblank.Ieventually hit upon this ideawhich would end all worry for therest of my life.Iguess it did."

nister.Aside from the main hall there

Is the new women's dorm Z-shaped or N-shaped? True, thenewly erected building is a dormcome true to residue students. Theperplexing problem of shape,among the girls, is serious. Neverbefore have they been confrontedby such a burden. Some weighthasbeen lifted from their minds bythe newregulations, however.

Week-end datesmust be plannedso that the girls willbe' back by notlater than 5 a.m. During the weekthe time has been lavishly ex-tended to 12:01. If this ruling is notupheld the poolroom on the mainfloor will be closed. A specialparking lot is being planned in theback of the building to avoid con-gestion in front of the dorm. Girlsliving on the tenth floor will bepermitted to use the escalator,butonly between classes. The returntrip must, however,be via the ban-

By INEZ STEAL

Puzzle Over Shape of Girls'Dormitory Under Investigation

is also a"wreck" roomfor useaftertests. Complete with its aquariumand pinball machines, it offers ad-vantages for allnature lovers.

Room regulations have beenslightly altered.The latest TV pro-grams have been posted in everyroomas anadded convenience. Thebetter serials are on later at nightso girls are urged to stay up andnot miss them. Private phonesarenow a part of every room so girlstalk as longas they wish. .

Each resident will receive, begin-ning next month, a weekly sub-scription of Pogo, the college stu-dents' magazine. Last but notleast, it has been decided to haveaparty every other week-end.

Meanwhile, a debate has beenarranged on the topic: "Resolved,that the new dorm is N-shaped."Taking the affirmative will be Dr.Helen Werby, Dean Marie LeonardandBabe DidricksonZaharias.Op-posing them willbe Zsa Zsa Gabor,Miss Alberta Beeson and FlorenceChadwick. Chairman of the dis-cussion will be Joseph R. Mc-Carthy,boxer fromMarquetteUni-versity^

Jim Honda,sophomore, has beenelected Honorable Duke of Wig-wamchapter of the IntercollegiateKnights, succeeding Bill Finnegan.Chapter elections were held lastMonday.

All women interested in helpingin the Fashion Show decorationcommittee are asked tomeet in theChieftain Lounge at noon today.

Sailing Club holds its first meet-ing on Tuesday, April 6, at 7:30p.m., inRoom 412. "Fundamentalsof Sailing" will be the topic of aguest speaker. Activities forspring quarter will be discussed.P. E. credit may be given for sign-ingup for this course. The meetingis open to all interested students,not only those who signed up forcredit.

SpitzofNews

the price of handling and mailing."Of the new registration plan,

Howard Hendry had this to say:"That 'Flowering Begonia' wall-paper is sure pretty."

turn your book in at the Informa-tion Booth and pay tuition on oureasy Lay-Away Plan. This con-venient rate makes it possible foryou to pay 80 dollarsdownand onedollar a week for 23 weeks. Theslight interest rate is necessary for

it

three-day registration period.Then

{riven the registration form below.This should be filled out in quad-ruplicate with an elite typewriteron "Flowering Begonia" wallpaper.(The dean is redecorating hisoffice.)

Get your advisor to approveyourschedule; all advisors will bechained to their desks for the

New Registration Rules Posted;Handy Lay-Away Plan Added

The Registrar's Office released astatement this week that shouldstreamline the process of register-ing to a measly few minutes. Hereis that statement, unabridged andexpurgated (we'reall big boys andgirls now): "We have been think-ing it over for several years nowand realize that students reallyhave to spend too much of theirvaluable time just registering forclasses.

"Altogether too many questionsare asked of the students, which,though interesting to the faculty,are highly irrelevant to scholasticendeavor, which is what we areinterested in, after all.

"In the future each student willbemet at the maindoor of the LABuilding by a smiling IK who willpresent him with a drive book.After this is sold, he should bringthe money and stubs to the Lostand Found Department andwillbe

4

Mystery Man Shocks City:['HE SPECTATOR

Patronize Our Advertisers!

If your hand is over

11 inches long, come

down and get one free

shoe because it must be a

FOOT!

NameMiddle Last Maiden Pen Aliases

Are you a veteran, male,new student, hanger-on, Communist (for

the FBI), basketball player? (Answer yes or maybe)

Last reform school attended? How did you leave?

Graduate? Sneak out in a laundry truck? Kill

a guard? (Shotgun Pick-Axe Jokes

Any other means )0

Yakima Address Hide-Outs?

Floats? Do you have a booster hat?

(Does it fit? Maybe your head is too big? )

What's your first name, honey?

Date? I'll pick you up at eight.

Do you have a convertible? ».You pick ME up at eight.

Is your pa rich? Is your ma good-looking?

Do you think McCarthy is too nosey? What do you have to

hide?

What is your favorite sport? Javelin-throwing? Mumblety-

pegs? Marbles? Tennis, anyone?

Do youhave a TV set? 17-inch? 21-inch?

Cinemascope? .;.. Write life history

(Use Other Side If necessary)

CLASSY ADSWANT anything?Lost your head lately?

Put an ad in your Speculator. 50cper float. No charge over four floats.

For SaleGUARANTEED cheat notes for all

courses above Metafurnicular Physi-croasis 109.

PersonalsDARLING, come back. All is forgiven.

JOE.

WANNA use a dictionary? Need anyink, pencils, erasers, stationery? Orwanna use a Who's Who? Wanna callAunt Susie in Shamokin, Pa., Presi-dent Ike,Igor Gouzenko, or just any-body? Use your Spec office. Conveni-ent supplyheadquarters for the entirestudent body. Hours: 6 a.m. to 1a.m.

LOST: One Horizon.

Poison Ivy ParadeDue to circumstances beyond

anyone's control, this week's pom-pous poisonality for the Poison IvyParade is Broyal Chrome.

An outstanding genus, Broyal isthinking of thinking of majoring inHair Styling, and after graduationJuly 14 is going to work for Liber-ace. His minor is in flagpole sittingbecause heheard in the daily paper"PU" that there's a future in it fornarrow individuals.

Activities for the last six years'unknown previously) include:loyal Chieftain supporter, he heldup the baskets at all the games, andDrama student with the lead in"Gone With the Gin."

Experience for this wild field offunctions was gained while still iniiigh school. A stewdent at Hep,hewas constantly causing the profes-sors to be in one. During his last(our years he ran for class mascotand has '..een running ever since.After that he was erected as TotemCUb head and was graduated as"":ome come leusy."

Three beers for ithis extensivefisld of activity. You have in allhonesty done the most to do theleast. Be sure to pick up your bagof Coopers Crunchy Kidney Cap-sules next time you're at the cornerdrug store.

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