50/50 R

ULE:

SIBLIN

G

RIVALR

Y

Thanks to HOME INSTEAD Senior Care, Inc. ; Dr. Amy D’ Aprix and Mary Alexander.

Used by permission…..

OBJECTIVES:

1)To learn about “hot button” topics that often can cause highly emotional discussions.

2)to get tips and checklists to help siblings cope with the demands of family caregiving.

3)To discover resources that can help avoid or overcome sibling conflicts.

OUR GOALS…..

1) Our aging relative gets the best care possible.

2) We help families reduce conflicts regarding caregiving.

A HOME INSTEAD, INC. SURVEY…….

1) Siblings ages 35-64 struggle with Senior Care.

2) 46% of caregivers say sibling relations have deteriorated and brothers/sisters are unwilling to help care for elderly parents/relatives.

3) 42% of family caregivers give themselves and their siblings below average grades for their ability to divide the caregiving workload.

4) 64% of youngest siblings are primary caregivers compared to 57% of oldest siblings and 49% of middle siblings.

5) Mothers, ages 65-75 , were willing to name favorites among children.

6) Birth order and parental preferences do impact caregiving situations.

50-50 RULE:AVERAGE AGE (50) WHEN

SIBLINGS ARE CARING FOR PARENTS; AND NEED FOR SIBLINGS TO SHARE

EQUALLY IN CARE PLANNING. (50-50)

A TRUTH:

Caregiving brings families together or can cause divisions……

- Sharing the care of elderly parents can cause conflict between adult siblings….

- In 43% of US families, one sibling has the responsibility for providing the most care…

- In only 29% of families did siblings split the caregiving responsibility.

TOP 5 SIBLING “HOT BUTTON” ISSUES:

1) ILLNESS…. REQUIRES ADDITIONAL CARE BY PROVIDER(S); CAN CHANGE LEVEL OF CARE, NUMBER OF PROVIDERS OVER TIME.

2) FINANCES…. HIGH COSTS….FEAR OF OUTLIVING NEST EGG.

3) INHERITANCE….SPEND FOR HEALTH CARE VS. SAVING. LEGACY?

4) DISTANCE…GEOGRAPHICALLY CLOSE SIBLING(S) DO MOST OF THE CAREGIVING.

5) STRESS…ADULT CAREGIVERS HAVE THEIR OWN ISSUES BEFORE ADDING THEIR ELDERLY FAMILY MEMBER’S NEEDS.

ESSENTIAL CHECKLIST FOR SIBLING CAREGIVERS….1) Identify and list Senior’s needs;

Medical issues

Housing

Activities of daily living

End-of-life decisions ( wills, advance directives, long-term care)

Meals

Housekeeping

Scheduling appointments ( doctor, hairdresser, physical therapist, etc.)

Transporting to appointments

Bill paying

NAME A SUPERVISOR FOR ALL TASKS!

Grocery shopping Companionship on outings.

2) Research Your Options.

3) Divide The Caregiving Workload Tasks.

4) Promote Sibling Teamwork.

SHARING THE CARE: RECOMMENDED RESOURCES….

Ways to help siblings cope:Listen, then talk.Make decisions together.Plan ahead and be flexible.Adapt plan(s) as the situation

arises.

RECOMMENDATIONS AND RESOURCES:

Solving family conflict.comEldercare.gov.Caring.comYour local Area Agency on AgingGeriatric care manager……………………………..

MORE RESOURCES….

Tennessee Commission on Aging & Disability

National Council on Aging National Center on Elder Abuse Tennessee Adult Protective Services Local sheriff and police non-emergency

and emergency numbers 2-1-1 Local Legal Aid

NEXT STEPS…….

1)What “hot button” issues need to be addressed in family situations?

2)What resources need to be explored and with whom should clients meet with or talk to in order to help avoid or overcome sibling conflict?

3)What will I need to do to promote teamwork in decision-making among siblings?

YOUR THOUGHTS?