6 insane discoveries (voynich man)

8/12/2019 6 Insane Discoveries (Voynich Man)

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6 Insane Discoveries That Science Can't ExplainByAndy Guerriero

We like to feel superior to the people who lived centuries ago, what with their shitty mudhuts and curing colds by drilling a hole in their skulls. But we have to give them credit: They left behind someartifacts that have left the smartest of modern scientists scratching their heads.

or instance, you have the following enigmas that we believe were created for no other purpose than to fuckwith future generations.

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The Voynich Manuscript

The Mystery:The !oynich manuscriptis an ancient book that has thwarted all attempts at deciphering its contents. And it"snot like some idiot #ust scribbled a bunch of nonsense on paper and went, $igure T%&' out, fuckwads.$ &t isactually an organi(ed book with a consistent script, discernible organi(ation and detailed illustrations.

&t appears to be a real language))#ust one that nobody has seen before. And it really does appear to meansomething. But nobody knows what.
http://www.cracked.com/members/piemanhttp://www.cracked.com/members/piemanhttp://www.cracked.com/members/piemanhttp://www.voynich.nu/index.htmlhttp://www.cracked.com/members/piemanhttp://www.voynich.nu/index.html


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Translation: $...and when you get her to put the tennis racket in her mouth, have her stand in a fountain for a while. Thendraw pictures of her.$

There is not even a consensus on who wrote it, or even when it was written. And we sure as fuck don"t knowwhy.

Why Can't They Solve It*ould you+ ook at this shit:

-on"t even try. /pert military code)breakers, cryptographers, mathematicians, linguists, people who get paid tofind and decipher patterns, have all been left unable to decipher a single word.

As you can imagine, proposed solutions have been all over the board, from reasonable to completely clownshit.'ome say it"s an unbreakable code that re0uires a key to solve. 'ome say it"s a hoa/, and a damned fine one ifwe do say ourselves. 'ome say it"s glossolalia, which is the fine art of speaking or writing something you don"tunderstand but that is being channeled to you by God or aliens or whatever 1note that the word was chosenspecifically to make you sound retarded when saying it2.


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!ur "uess:&t"s written in nglish, by a person who was e/tremely shitty at writing in nglish.

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The $nti%ythera Mechanis&

The Mystery:The Antikythera mechanismis an ancient, intricate machine found in a shipwreck near Greece that dates backto about 344 B*. The Antikythera mechanism contains gears and structures that were not found in devices againfor 3444 years, and only then when the 5uslims and *hinese were busy inventing shit while the uropeans werebusy killing each other.

Why Can't They Solve Itirst, no one can agree on where the Antikythera mechanism was made or who designed it. 6opular belief wasthat it was made by the Greeks due to its instructions all being in Greek 1about a million of our ta/ dollars wereprobably spent arriving at that genius conclusion2 but serious research published in serious places suggested thedesign came from 'icily.

And a billion parts with indecipherable instructions suggest it comes from &kea. Ba)zing!

The mechanism, aside from placing you at serious risk for severing a finger, was supposedly used to figure outastronomical positions. The problem with that is that at the time this thing was made, no one had yetdiscovered laws of gravity or how heavenly bodies moved.

&n other words, the Antikythera mechanism appears to have functions that no one alive at that time would haveunderstood, and no single mechanical purpose of that era 1such as navigating ships2 e/plains the cra(y numberof functions and settings this machine has.

!ur "uess:
http://www.antikythera-mechanism.gr/http://www.antikythera-mechanism.gr/


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&t"s a scrap from a time machine that e/ploded the moment it arrived in the past.

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The (ai)on) *ipes

The Mystery:&n an area of *hina not known to ever contain people, let alone industry, there are three mysterious triangularopenings on top of a mountain containing hundreds of ancient rusty iron pipes of unknown origin. 'ome of thepipes go deep into the mountain. 'ome of them go into a nearby salt water lake. There are more pipes in thelake, and more still running east)west along the lake shore. 'ome of the larger pipes are 74 cm in diameter, areof uniform si(e and are placed in what seems like purposeful patterns.
http://www.rense.com/general29/chin.htmhttp://www.rense.com/general29/chin.htm


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%ey, vagina caves.

'o what"s the big deal+ Well, archaeologists have dated the pipes to a time when people were still trying tofigure out how to cook meat without setting their back)hair on fire, let alone casting iron.

Why Can't They Solve It8ddly, the pipes are clean of debris despite being older than 9eus. This suggests that they were not simplyshoved into the ground for the hell of it, but actually used for something. 8h, and did we mention the mountainis completely inhospitable to human life+

As usual, a faction of nut#obs believes the Baigong 6ipes to be an ancient astronomy lab or even spacecraftlaunching site left by e/traterrestrials. This is possible, since the pipes contain a proportion of silica close towhat occurs on 5ars. 8f course, the manhole cover outside your house does also, so take that with a grain ofsalt.

'ome say they are a hoa/. We must politely remind those people that you can"t wipe your ass in *hina withoutthe government knowing, let alone set up a fucking iron forge and start burying pipes in the ground for thepurpose of confusing passers)by.

!ur "uess:ong ago, a group of frustrated fishermen with lots and lots of spare time spent their whole lives building aplumbing system to drain that nearby lake. Then they figured they"d #ust walk right down there withwheelbarrows, scoop up the fish and eat like kings.

#+.

The "iant Stone (alls o, Costa -ica


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The Mystery:*osta ica and a few surrounding areas are scattered withgiant stone balls. They are smooth and perfectlyspherical, or nearly so. 'ome of them are 0uite small, a few inches in diameter, but some of them are as largeas eight feet in diameter weighing several tons.

They have been chiseled to perfection by persons unknown, despite the fact that *osta ica is still notscheduled to enter the Bron(e Age until ;43


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&n 3,444 years the eggs of the stone men will hatch, and their offspring will emerge to rule the arth.

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The (a)h/a/ (atteries

The Mystery:The Baghdad Batteriesare a series of artifacts found in the area of 5esopotamia dating from the early centuriesA-. This was the appro/imate time when Go(er the Go(arian was roaming the lands, morphing into whateveryou thought of and then devouring you >source?.

When archaeologists stumbled upon the batteries, they assumed they were #ust regular old clay pots forstorage, but that theory 0uickly went out the window since they each contain a copper rod that shows evidenceof acid corrosion. =ow, in case you weren"t the biggest nerd in school, this means that the pots probablycontained a li0uid that would interact with the copper and produce an electrical charge. &f true, they predatethe first known modern battery by hundreds of years.
http://www.world-mysteries.com/sar_11.htmhttp://screenburnfest.com/2008/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/ghostbusters-music-video.gifhttp://screenburnfest.com/2008/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/ghostbusters-music-video.gifhttp://screenburnfest.com/2008/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/ghostbusters-music-video.gifhttp://www.world-mysteries.com/sar_11.htmhttp://screenburnfest.com/2008/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/ghostbusters-music-video.gif


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'ource.

And that"s all well and good, but what the fuck were they using batteries for+

Why Can't They Solve ItWell, it"s not like we keep digging up ancient camcorders over there. 'ome stone reliefs called the $-enderalight$ depict what some believe to be electrical arc lights, which would re0uire something like the BaghdadBatteries to power. 8thers believe that theory is incredibly retarded.

5ore reasonable types say the batteries may have been used to electroplate items with gold. 8thers saymedicine men could have used the batteries to shock people 1giving the impression they had mystical powers orwhatever2.

&t doesn"t help that the batteries are currently located in the Baghdad 5useum, which means potentialresearchers have a sporting chance of being blown to shit on any given day.

!ur "uess:Take them to gypt. 'omewhere inside the 'phin/, they"ll find several holes. 6lug these batteries in there andthe 'phin/"s eyes will light up. Then it will start scooting around the desert floor making a mechanical barkingsound.
http://www.skepticworld.com/ancient-artifacts/baghdad-battery.asphttp://www.skepticworld.com/ancient-artifacts/baghdad-battery.asphttp://www.skepticworld.com/ancient-artifacts/baghdad-battery.asp


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And then someone forms the head.

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The (loop

The Mystery:Tired of having its mind blown by the guys in the archeology department, in 3@@ modern science"s mind pulleditself up off the mat and triumphantly blew itself.

&n that year, the =ational 8ceanic and Atmospheric Administration recorded a strange sound in the ocean.'trange and 8-. 'o loud that it was picked up by two separate microphones


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'cientists determined that its wave pattern indicates it was made by an animal, and not a giant electromagnetsucking a plane out of the sky, as the creators of Lostwere no doubt hoping.

Why Can't They Solve ItThere is no animal big enough or loud enough to make that kind of noise, not by a long shot. =ot a blue whale,not a howler monkey, not a startled teenage girl.

=ot long after the =8AA posted the sound to their web site, some %6 ovecraft fans on the internet 0uitereasonably decided that The Bloop must have been made by ovecraft"s *thulhu, a giant, murderous s0uid)dragon)thing.

!ur "uess:Eeah, we"re also going with *thulhu.

6 insane discoveries (voynich man)

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