a bimonthly newsletter published by the aregiver support ... 2014.pdfquiet hearts: journeys in a...

Living through change

by Josie Padro

September|October 2014

As summer winds up, many of us feel like a

new year is beginning. It’s a transition we

make year after year and it can be a relief to

return to a more regular routine.

Other transitions in life are less predictable

and less easy to deal with. Taking on the

caregiving role can trigger a whole series of

changes—adjusting work hours, rescheduling

or reducing social activities, changing

accomodations.

The person being cared for may experience

sudden or gradual deterioration in their

condition and even an improvement may

mean change. For example, someone being

discharged from hospital may need extra help

or equipment when they return home.

Whether it’s a change for the positive or not-

so-positive, we can try to deal with it in a

number of ways:

1. Stay focused on the present. Much of

the discomfort that accompanies change

is due to fear of the unknown.

2. Do something that you find comfort in:

take a walk, meet with a friend, enjoy a

cup of tea.

3. Develop a support network. Cultivate

relationships with family and those in

your community. Attend a caregiver

support group to find others who can

relate to your experiences.

4. Have patience with yourself. Adapting to

change takes energy and effort.

5. Think about your past experiences with

change and what you did that helped

you cope successfully.

6. Try to focus on the things you are

grateful for. You may try keeping a

gratitude journal, which has been linked

to improved health.

“Life is about not knowing, having

to change, taking the moment and

making the best of it, without

knowing what's going to happen

next.” —Gilda Radner

A bimonthly newsletter published by the Caregiver Support Program

Into the Land Of...


I am a caregiver on a journey I’ve never

travelled before. Each step I take leads to the

unknown.

The diagnosis, Alzheimer’s. So many facts to

understand, new information to fit into this

head already filled with thoughts, fading

memories, recollections of my own life’s

trivia.

We have to learn about the functioning brain,

the land of forgetting. We have to make

decisions for the future: powers of attorney,

representation agreements, wills,

beneficiaries. They are asking us to consider:

jogging pants in the care home? broccoli for

dinner? prostate surgery at 86?

extreme measures on final days? So many

unbelievable considerations when all we

want to know is how are we going to cope

with each day. Can I have the energy to

understand it all?

I must be the strong one. He is relying on me

in ways his feisty independent spirit would

have once forbade. He is asking me to do all

the things that were once second nature to

him. So much effort going into his needs,

none into mine.

He is fading, losing the self that once was

him. No more driving they told him. They’ve

taken away his wheels along with his

manhood, his sense of who he is. He

remembers his souped-up apple red

Plymouth, one arm out the window or

around the girl of his dreams, hair slicked

back with Brylcreem, cigarette dangling from

the side of his mouth.

I’m bound on this journey, no matter what. I

am going into the land of the dying, a place

for all to eventually travel. But who knew that

the path would be this way?

—Suzanne Humphreys

The Family Caregivers’ Grapevine

September 2014 Calendar of Events

Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat

1 2 Walk and

Talk 1.30-3pm

Caregiver

Network

Group 10.30-

12.30

4 Caregiver

Network

Group

7-9 pm

5 6

7 8 9 10 11 12 13

14 15 16 Cultivating

Balance

6.30-8.30 pm

17 18 19 20

21 22 23 Walk and

Talk 1.30-3pm

24 Memories

and More

Series 1.30-

3.30 pm

25 26 27

28 29 30

Medications

for Dementia

Care 10am -12

Network Groups Wednesday network group meets from 10:30 -12:30 on the second Wednesday of the month, and the Thursday group meets from 7– 9 pm on the first Thursday of the month. *Date change: For September only, the Wednesday group meets on Sept. 3rd (Same location). Therapeutic Touch volunteers will provide relaxing treatments on Sept. 3rd. Therapeutic Touch is described as being: Relaxing, healing, and grounding. A gentle and non-invasive way to promote well-being. Light touch is optional.

“It’s so good to be with people who understand and care.” North Shore caregiver

Recently our network groups have been exploring the power of affirmations, short positive

thoughts that can help us through difficult times. The following affirmation was created by a

caregiver in one of our groups: I’m happy I’m healthy I’m grateful


For registration and information on all sessions, contact Karyn by email at

[email protected] or by phone at 604-982-3320.

Walk and Talks

Rejuvenate with a stroll on the Ambleside

seawall, get to know other caregivers ,and

enjoy the fresh air. The walks take place, rain

or shine. Tuesday September 2 and 23,

October 28 , 1:30 to 3:00 pm. Meet us by the

public washrooms at John Lawson Park, West

Vancouver.

Quiet Hearts: Journeys in a Musical Oasis

Quiet Hearts invites you to a word-free stress

relieving musical sanctuary. Listen to unique,

beautiful, improvised music for an engaging

personal experience. You are free to come

and go as you wish. Wednesday, October 15,

4:30 to 5:45 pm, Andrew’s-Wesley Church,

1012 Nelson Street in Vancouver.

Medications for Dementia Care

The different types of medications and how

they are used in dementia care, key things to

understand about your care partner’s

medication routine, and information on how

dementia causes brain changes that affect

behaviour. Presented by Dr. Arvind Kang,

MD, Psychiatrist, North Shore Older Adult

Mental Health. Tuesday, September 30,

10am– 12 pm at Capilano Mall, Rm 203, 935

Marine Drive, North Vancouver.

Cultivating Balance

Farsi-speaking caregivers, join us on the third

Tuesday evening of each month, September

16 and October 21, 6:30 to 8:30 pm.

Explore the challenges and joys of being

a caregiver.

Recognize your limits and boundaries.

Learn ways to use your strengths and

skills.

Cultivate health and well-being in

yourself.

Share ideas, information and wisdom.

Presented by Katayoun Shirzad, family

counsellor, life coach and mediation specialist,

and Karyn Davies, expressive arts therapist

and coordinator of the Caregiver Support

Program. Sessions are held in room 203 at

NSCR, 935 Marine Drive in Capilano Mall,

North Vancouver.

mailto:[email protected]



In their own words ...

A downsize decision on our retirement, years past, now proven “a blessing in disguise!”

Thus, us – grandparents, son #1 and family as well son -#2, a lost soul in today’s reality, but

at least a roof over his head. The challenges obviously varied as we also span ages from four

to the seventies, and Parkinson’s to our wee one with a rare genetic skin disorder, “simply”

called E.B.

Our days vary, from the ravages and side effects of aging disease to caring for our youngest

granddaughter, now nicknamed “butterfly babies” due to her extremely delicate skin. Us re-

maining family members, all endeavor to keep calm and focused and “in” the “each and eve-

ry” day! The in-betweens, young parents busy as families must be, both to get ahead and

survive in today’s crazy competitive world, as well as find balance in their own lives among

the pain and angst with their wee ones. A Mom, aka grandma, as well as endeavoring to jug-

gle all of the above and in be-tween’s to keep a home running smoothly, in hopes of some

peace and calm in the ongoing storm.

My own joy has always been partaking of nature and my gardens, thus “many thanks” to my

own grandmother, as well my childhood years on the prairies. Her very guidance and teach-

ings I know left an indelible mark for me. A mark I couldn’t previously do much with, having

had two boys who were all into sports. Now it’s’ my turn with the wee gals to share and en-

joy what I know and love, while also finding and nurturing my own solace. The girls I know

do enjoy if only from my birthday not last year from the saying “I love you Babi because you

love the birds and talk to the plants.” Precious and endearing.

Between my garden, walks in nature, to this spring building a

“fairy tree fort” with the girls under or big weeping Mulberry

tree, we girls are thriving and enjoying! Equally I embrace any

precious time with close friends, walking, reading

or just enjoying a coffee in the garden. All seem to occur at just

the right time, right place!

—Paula Hultman

Finding Joy and Calm Amidst Chaos and Heartbreak

One Roof-Whole Family


Summer Heat


It enfolds me, this summer heat.

Fondles leaves, grass, and loamy soil.

They spread, stretch, steam,

giving off their special scent.

I breathe deep, suck it down

and feel the warmth within.

Feel all that August energy

from sun, sand and ocean.

The touch of fiery beams

upon my naked skin.

The caress of salty brine.

Aroma of pungent kelp.

Summer times to be lazy –

relaxing and opening to the sun.

Drinking in all nature.

Letting go in order to grow.

Too hot? Too crowded? Too busy?

No – just be still.

Be quiet, slow the blood.

Be, just be - rooted, centered.

Glorious season of freedom!

Unrestrained by walls or muffling clothes.

I open, embracing, glowing,

changing, imbibing life. —Barbara Matiru

We Are One

By Barbara Matiru at the Caregivers’ Mini Holiday


Caregivers enjoyed good company, sunshine and a tasty meal at this year’s summer picnic

and Mini Holiday.

Caregivers have a lot

of wisdom to share.

Just knowing that

someone

understands what

you are going

through can be

helpful. With this in

mind we have put

together a special

section featuring the

words and thoughts of some of the caregivers. Thank you to those who contributed.

What to pack for hospital admission


Caring for someone with an illness can mean

frequent trips to hospital. Packing a few

essentials in advance can mean one less thing

to do when you’re heading out the door,

especially in an emergency.

Remember that whatever you take could

easily be lost amid all the equipment and

activity, so never bring

anything valuable or

irreplaceable.

Documentation—

Care Card number, a

list of medications

and supplements, a

list of allergies,

contact information

for the person’s family

doctor and any

specialists they are seeing.

Enduring Power of Attorney or

Representation Agreement.

Toiletries—toothbrush, toothpaste, floss,

shaving supplies.

Glasses, dentures, walking aides.

Tissues—these are often supplied at the

hospital, but are often hard to come by.

Hand sanitizer– this can come in handy

for patients who are unable to walk to

the sink to wash their hands. They’ll be

able to clean their hands when they feel

the need.

Hand lotion—while heavy scents may

not be welcome by roommates, gently

scented lotions can provide a little

aromatherapy. Caregivers

can use the lotion with a

hand and facial massage.

Many people confined to

bed find foot massage a

welcome comfort measure.

A sweater, shawl or

light blanket. These items

can provide warmth as well

as an element of familiarity.

Be sure not to take anything

of great sentimental value.

A note about electronics: cell phones, laptops

and electronic readers can be immensely

helpful for passing the time and staying in

touch. They can also easily go missing and will

not be replaced by the hospital. You and the

person you care may decide that the benefits

are worth the risk.


October 2014 Calendar of Events

Only she who is ready to question, to think for herself, will find the truth.

To understand the currents of the river, he who wishes to know the truth must

enter the water. -Nisargadatta, Indian mystic. From Perseverance by Meg

Wheatley.

If you maintain a feeling of compassion, of loving-kindness, then something

automatically opens your inner door. -The Dalai Lama X1V, The Art of Happiness

Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat

1 Memories

and More

Series 1.30

pm

2 Caregiver

Network

Group

7-9 pm

3 4

5 6 7 6 Network

Group 10.30-

12.30

M&M 1:30

9 10 11

12 13 14 15 Quiet

Hearts 4:30

pm

M&M 1.30 pm

16 17 18

19 20 21 Cultivating

Balance

6:30-8:30 pm

22

M&M 1.30pm

23 24 25

26 27 Sound

Healing

6.30-8.30

28 Walk and Talk 1.30-3pm

29 M&M

1.30pm

30 31

Embrace Challenge

With a New Spirit

This interactive talk will

provide practical

strategies for thriving

amidst life’s challenges.

Unexamined habits and

coping mechanisms can

make dealing with

challenge more difficult

than it needs to be. By asking “how easy can I

let this be?” we move away from ineffective

patterns that create stress and fatigue.

Cheryl Brewster of The Intuitive Life coaches

individuals and groups in applying intuitive

strategies to increase personal effectiveness

in life and business. Monday, October 6,

1:30 to 3:30 pm, West Vancouver Memorial

Library, 1950 Marine Drive, West Vancouver.

We’re participating in West Vancouver

Library’s Wellness Series.

Sound Healing

Release stress, strain and blockages in the

body. Learn about how stress is held in your

body, alleviate stress and enliven your

system, experience the support of the group,

and relax with a calming sound journey.

Seth Lyon is a Sound Healer and Trauma

Specialist who helps people to better

understand how their nervous system and

energy body respond to stress and

sometimes hold on to that stress, resulting in

a variety of health problems. Seth assists

people to regain and cultivate health, vitality

and resiliency. Monday, October 27, 6:30 to

8:30 pm, JBCC

Community

Centre, 145 W.

1st St , North

Vancouver.




Caregiver Catherine Bryson shared the

following verse which she says is especially

inspirational in difficult moments:

"...for when I am weak, then I am strong."

2 Corinthians 12:10



Conversation with a caregiver

Every caregiver is unique as is every caregiving

situation. In recognition of this we have

started a series of interviews with some of our

caregivers. In our first interview Josie spoke

with Katy, a caregiver, counsellor and artist.

J: Who are you caring for?

K: I’ve been caring for my mother for many

years and also recently my husband.

J: What kind of things do you do for your

mother and your husband?

K: Starting with my mother: picking her up,

picking up prescriptions, taking her to doctors.

I take her to the hospital for blood tests. She

has so many different [health] matters. I also

help her at her house. I live on the North

Shore; she lives in Vancouver. She loves

Persian groceries so I buy her some special

foods.

I recently I took her to Iran because I found

out she was kind of depressed, not seeing her

son and grandchildren. It was a really big step

for me leaving behind my career, my husband

and family.

I’m the only one here for her so I provide

companionship, sometimes planning together

for preparation of meals, light housekeeping,

I help her. I take her to some activities to the

library to get some Persian books and in

winter I take her swimming.

J: With all the things that you do for your

husband and your mother, what kind of

impact does it have on you physically and

emotionally?

K: I’m a very active person. Like I go to the

gym, I go hiking with friends twice a week. I

go swimming. I take care of myself and I get

break sometimes when I need to. I do

sculpting - I enjoy art – it’s my passion.

J: What kind of positive things do you get

from caregiving?

K: With my mother, it’s a big reward for me, a

bonding experience. It can be sometimes

stressful but it’s a good message for me to

pass on to my children - respecting your

mother. When my husband and I go for

vacation, my girls [take on the caregiving role]

for my mother. I’m impressed and I’m happy

about this. When my husband ended up in

hospital. I was there for one week with him

and I felt they handled it so well.

It’s hard for a when a spouse requires round

the clock assistance. It can even become

dangerous if the spouse-caregiver has his or

her own health issue to deal with. Those

problems can be made worse by the stress of

caregiving and also lack of attention to the

caregivers own needs.

North Shore Community Resources Caregiver Support Program 201, 935 Marine Drive, North Vancouver, BC V7P 1S3

The Family Caregivers’

Grapevine is a bi-

monthly publication that

promotes the

importance of self-care

and providing practical

information to help with

the caregiving role.

Do you have any

questions or feedback

about the newsletter?

Please contact Karyn at

[email protected]

or 604-982-3320.

Note from Josie

It’s a coincidence that the theme for this month’s newsletter is

change. After working at North Shore Community Resources

Caregiver Program for three years I will be moving on. I feel

lucky to have worked with the wonderful staff at this

organization and privileged to meet many of the caregivers.

Lots of love,

Josie

Karyn recommends Ten Thousand

Joys and Ten Thousand Sorrows

(2008, Tarcher/Penguin), a memoir

by Oliva Ames Hoblitzelle. With

insight and compassion, the author

chronicles her life with her husband

as he moves through the stages of

dementia. Ms Hoblitzelle writes in a

personal style that makes the

reader feel as if they are part of a

conversation with her. The book can

be borrowed from the NSCR

caregiver library. It is also available at the West Vancouver public

library.

a bimonthly newsletter published by the aregiver support ... 2014.pdfquiet hearts: journeys in a...

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