Slide 1

A choose-your-own-adventure game created by Patrick Callaghan If you click in blank space, it will take you to the next slide. To avoid this, please only click on the text box that you desire. What Kind of Employee Are You? Click to begin. Slide 2 The Interview Finally! After four years of rigorous college life you have the opportunity to begin paying off your loans. What will you wear to impress your future (hopefully) employer? Im not really tryna be uncomfortable or anything like that, ya feel me? Prolly just sweatpants and a hoodie. A button up shirt with a pen in my shirt pocket that reads I LUV WORK! to show my passion. Im going to be wearing a suit and tie for sure, but unlike everybody else Ive already planned a speech: My weaknesses are that I work too hard, I care too much, and sometime I can be too invested in my job. Do you get it? Because like, my weaknesses are actually strengths! Slide 3 The First Week Congratulations! You are officially an employed adult. Unfortunately, in just the first week you realize that your boss is no more qualified to run this company than you are. His new project is presented to the company and you are sure it will fail. How do you handle this? Im not afraid to speak up. The boss will, or at least should, appreciate my input. That is assuming that he has a brain. I will stand by the boss no matter what. I was taught to not ask questions unless I wanted to end up asking my father to stop hitting me. I honestly wont be paying attention. Ill just ask the person in the cubicle next to me what Im supposed to be doing and do that or whatever. Slide 4 Bosss Birthday Youre loyal, Im sure the boss will appreciate that. Now is your chance to really tickle his fancy.or continue to blend in with your peers. The bosss birthday is tomorrow, but unfortunately so is that project that you totally have started and have been working super hard on. What will you do? We have all of our lives to work like mindless zombies. One day of celebration wont destroy the company. Ill bake some goods for tomorrow! Ill have my work ready. I assume someone else will plan some sort of celebration. Probably a girl, because thats what girls do. Birthday party? Drinks on me, bro. Slide 5 New Friends Youre still here, awesome! But you are getting kind of lonely. Everybody at the office is still referring to you as I forget their name, uhmthe new person, you know? Its definitely time to make some friends, how will you go about this? I learned in high school that the best way to make friends is to make fun of ugly people behind their back. No new friends, no new friends. Ill just casually join a table at lunch and pray that they wont all stand up at once and leave. High school was rough. Slide 6 Lunch Time Just when you thought you had our morning routine down pat, this happens. You forgot your lunch and you dont have enough cash to go out somewhere. What do you do? Well, Im sure it wouldnt be a huge deal if I just maybe ate someone elses lunch just this ONCE, right? I mean, everyone in my spot would do that. Everybody got up and left when I sat down and I forgot my lunch? This is even worst than high school. Easy, Ive seen this work even at the most unforgiving of lunch environments: I mosey on up to a table, sigh, and announce that I dont have a lunch. Boom, next think you know, I will be handed scraps from everyone that will accumulate into a lunch bigger than anyone elses! Slide 7 No Love So far it seems that you have been doing everything right. And yet, that suck-up that keeps baking everyone cakes keeps winning employee of the month. You deserve some respect! How do you handle this? Ill just keep my head down and continue to do my work each day. Im here to support my family, not win awards. Its just a matter of time before I start making some noise around here. Ive got a feeling the boss and I are going to become very close very soon. Interpret that in whatever way you want. Slide 8 The Unemployed You can continue to be comfortable in your mothers basement. At least youll save a fortune on rent. Try again? Click here. Slide 9 The Know-it-all Everybody thought you were annoying in grade school and no surprise here, youre still annoying. And you dont have a job anymore. Try again? Click here. Slide 10 The Mom The boss was so overjoyed with the cakes he didnt even seem to realize the potential loss your nonexistent project could bring. Your co-workers are beginning to ask questions such as How is that okay? Doesnt she realize Im a diabetic? and Will she bake me a cake for my birthday or will I buy it myself and cry into it like last year? At least the boss likes you. Try again? Click here. Slide 11 The Gossiper Old habits die hard with you. One caveat I will give you is to not use your work e-mail next time you feel you should express that you think the boss kept the whole birthday cake to himself because he cant get any cake outside the office lol. Youre fired. Try again? Click here. Slide 12 That Guy Ah you, youre awful. You will receive your just dessert in due time, however, seeing how people are starting to catch on and there may or may not be arsenic in the Tupperware container that reads DO NOT EAT. MINE! Of course, youll probably never find out since you would never do that again. Try again? Click here. Slide 13 The Workhorse You do all the right things, despite not getting the recognition you deserve earning respect from those who notice. You keep this place running as well as it does. Try again? Click here. Slide 14 The Bosss Pet Your obvious fake laughs and desperately forced inside jokes with the boss have turned the office against you. That may have just earned you dirty looks during school, but this is the real world with real consequences. I might as well stop beating around the bush, you are going to be murdered. Like real soon. R.I.P. Try again? Click here. Slide 15 First Week Congratulations! You are officially an employed adult. Unfortunately, in just the first week you realize that your boss is no more qualified to run this company than you are. His new project is presented to the company and you are sure it will fail. How do you handle this? Im not afraid to speak up. The boss will, or at least should, appreciate my input. That is assuming that he has a brain. I cant just call him out on it. You dont call retarded people retards, thats bad taste. You call your friends retarded when theyre acting retarded. Slide 16 Bosss Birthday Youre loyal, Im sure the boss will appreciate that. Now is your chance to really tickle his fancy.or continue to blend in with your peers. The bosss birthday is tomorrow, but unfortunately so is that project that you totally have started and have been working super hard on. What will you do? We have all of our lives to work like mindless zombies. One day of celebration wont destroy the company. Ill bake some goods for tomorrow! Everybody seemed to forget when it was my birthday, so Im going to forget to buy him donuts or whatever. Slide 17 New Friends Youre still here, awesome! But you are getting kind of lonely. Everybody at the office is still referring to you as I forget their name, uhmthe new person, you know? Its definitely time to make some friends, how will you go about this? I learned in high school that the best way to make friends is to make fun of ugly people behind their back. Make friends first, make sales second, make love third. In no particular order. Slide 18 Lunch Time Just when you thought you had our morning routine down pat, this happens. You forgot your lunch and you dont have enough cash to go out somewhere. What do you do? Well, Im sure it wouldnt be a huge deal if I just maybe ate someone elses lunch just this ONCE, right? I mean, everyone in my spot would do that. I would ask around and scrape up what others dont want. If all goes well, Ill host a pancake luncheon for everyone at the office! Slide 19 No Love So far it seems that you have been doing everything right. And yet, that suck-up that keeps baking everyone cakes keeps winning employee of the month. You deserve some respect! How do you handle this? Ill just keep my head down and continue to do my work each day. Im here to support my family, not win awards. Its just a matter of time before I start making some noise around here. Ive got a feeling the boss and I are going to become very close very soon. Interpret that in whatever way you want. Forget my boss. Boss now-a-days is just slang for jerk in charge. Remember when people used to say boss when they were describing something really cool? Like, those shoulder pads are really boss, man! Im the boss. Slide 20 Michael Scott Try again? Click here.