a ldr story - "my last love song on this little planet"

7/30/2019 A LDR Story - "My Last Love Song on this Little Planet"

1/21

MyLastLoveSongonthisLittlePlanet~Atruestoryoflove,oflifelessons,breakthroughsandmiracles~

~~PREFACE~~

Thismaywellbeastoryaboutmylife.Afterall,heismylife.

Thestoryhasyettobecomplete;anditwillbe,untilIamforanyreasonunabletotypetheexperiencethatwehavehadbeenthrough.

Itsnotjustanyoldlovestory.Itsastorybetweentwolongdistancelovers,aboutastudent,aboutaMexicanmarine,aboutherandhislifeandtheirlessons

andjourneythathascreatedtheirlastlovesongonthislittleplanetcalledEarth.Itisalongread,butIbelieveitsgoingtobewellworthyourtime.Thinkofitas

readinganovelbutonline.

Illstartoffwithintroducingmyself,andmyloveOscar.Itisaboutourpastthat

madeusthewayweareandthepresentthatmadeustogether.Youcouldchoose

toskiprighttothestory,whichstartsonPage3.


2/21

~~ABOUTTHEAUTHORJOYCE~~

ImfromHongKong,beenlivingin

NewZealandeversinceIwas3yearsold.Ihaveanolderbrotherwhois7

yearsolderthanme,mumanddadandapetdognamedSnoopy.WemovedherefromHongKongbecause

HongKongistootoughtogrowup

andtostudyat,somyparentsworkedreallyhardforourfuture.Im

prettymuchoneofthosetypicalgirlsthatseestheworldasmostlypink,

butthatdidntlastlong.Onlylasted

until6orso,whenmumstartedtobeatmeup.

Ivehadbothphysicalandmentalchildabusefrommymumuntil15,to

thepointwhereallmyself-esteemandconfidencewerestrippedaway.AsaresultIvehaddifficultiesmakingfriends,communicatingwithpeople,learning

andevenjustnormaltalking.

Atage8to10,Ivehadanothersectionofmylifesnightmare.Mybrother,being

15yearsofagetill17isrightatthegoldenageofbeingcuriousaboutawomansbodyandtheirchemicalreactions.Itbuiltanotherpartofmylifelongfearand

itsureashellmademefeeldirtyeventhoughthecasewasmild.Untiltoday,Istilllivewithhim,andmyparentsdidnothingaboutitwhenItoldthemsinceitwastoolatetodoanything.

Fromage14till19Ivehadbeenlivinginmanyvirtualworlds,whereeverythingwasperfect.Ibecameveryreliantwiththesegames,especiallyPWI(Perfect

WorldInternational)MMORPG.Ivestayedhereforthelongesttime,andhadmadethemostfriends.Therehadbeenmanyhiccupsalongtheway,soItendto

vanishonceinawhile.Imgladhowever,thatIreturnedtothegamenearthe

endof2011becausethisiswhenImetOscar.Perhapsthisistherighttimetosay,standupwhereyoufell,becauseyouwillbeabletoachievemuchmore.

Me.


3/21

~~ABOUTMYHEROOSCAR~~

OscarcomesfromMexico,acountry

knownasthemostdangerousandthemostfearful.Everydayonthenews

youdseeanythingandeverythingthatsrelatedtodrugtrafficking,massmurders,corruptionandallthealike.I

neverknewaboutMexico,Ididnteven

haveanideawhatwasgoingonthere,nothingabouttheirDrugWarbusiness

untilImethim.

Oscarhashadatoughchildhood,athis

ownleveloftoughness.Wheneverhespeaksofhislife,Ihadtomakesurethat

everywordhesayslikepainortough

orshitwouldmeanmillionsmoredeepthanwhatweciviliansdefineitandfeel

itas.Itstotallyadifferentlevelofunderstanding,ahugedifferenceinperspectiveandonethatIwillneverbeable

tounderstandorendureuntilithappenstome.

WhenOscarwas8,hehadtoenduresomethingsimilartome,butmuchmuch

worse.Itwasalsothefirstpersonhekilled,outofself-defense,angerandsorrow.BecauseofitOscarhaddevelopedapluginhisheart,agellike

substancethatcloggeduponeofhisarteriesbecausetheoffenderwasinfected.ItwasveryinterestingtolistentohismilitarytrainingstoryItsamazinghow

weallliveinthesameworld,yethavesuchadifferentlifestyle.Hewasdumped

inajungleonhisownforsurvivaltraining,eatingrawbirds,starvationtrainingforoneweek,notoiletfor3daysandnohotwateratallduringa-2Celsius

weather.

IaskedOscarwhatmadehimsomotivated,andhavesuchabigwillpowertobe

abletosurviveallthesehardships.Itwasasimpleanswer.Hedidntwanttoseeanyonesuffer,didntwantinnocentchildrengothroughthesamethathedid,

andwantedtomakeadifferencetohisowncountry.

Hehastwoyoungerbrothers,ayoungersisterwithason,andhisparents

divorced.Hisfamilyisveryreliantonhisincomeanddontreallycareabouthiswell-being.

LuckilyhewasabletohaveInternetaccessdownatbase,wherehecouldusesomevirtualworldescapinglikeIwasableto.HealsoplayedPWI,butstarted

aroundayearlaterthanme.


4/21

~~OURSTORYSTARTINGINPWI~~

OscarandImetinadungeonruninPWI.

Iwasanassassin,withgoodenougharmorand

weaponrytobeknownandnamedasapro4.0SageAssassin.OscarwasaBlademaster.

OurteamneededaBlademaster,soIdidashoutrecruitonachannelwhereeveryonein

thegame,wherevertheyarecansee/read,

askingforaBMtojoinourNirvanasquad.AloadofPMs(privatemessages)immediately

appearedinmychannel,linkingtheirweaponrydescriptiontomychatbox,tellingmewhatskillstheyhave,howprotheywere.Howeveronepoppedoutto

me.HisnamewasOskarGhost,himbeingOscar.Doyouhavetobe5.0apsfortherun?(aps=attackspersecond,thebestattackspeed)HewastheonlyoneIactuallybotheredtoreadandreplytoandsaid,

pfftscrewthatcrap,yourein!Iimmediatelyinvitedhimtothesquad.

Duringtherun,Oscarwashappythataproplayerinvitedhimovereveryone

elsethathadbettergearandattackspeedthanhim.Hesaid,Thanksforinvitingme.IhaveSageBelltooifitwerentforitIthinkIdhavebeenkickedoutofthe

squad.(SageBellisthehighest-leveldefensebuff).Ireplied,psh,yourenot

goingtogetkickedoutifyoureinmysquad.Ithenaddedhimtomyfriendslist,andPMedhim,There:DnowImabringyouwithmeinmyfuturenirvana

runs!^_^Hethankedmeagain,andwasgratefulofmykindness.

Aftertherunwesplitandwentanddidourownthing.Ihad4othercharacters

onevenomancer,twoclericsandoneseekerEarthguard.AfterawhileonanotherdayIplayedonmycleric,tryingtodoanotherdungeonrun.Iranintoa

fewpeoplethatwereinaguild/faction(agroupofunitedassociates,like

GriffindorinHarryPotter)calledHolyGuard.Ilikedthesepeoplebecausetheywerenice,soIaskedifIcouldjoinHolyGuard.Oncejoined,Ilookeddownthelist

ofnamesintheguildtoseeiftherewasanyonethatIknew.Tomysurprise,Oscarwasonthelist.Iforsomereasonfelthappy.


5/21

Onanotherday,theguildwantedtodoanotherdungeonrunbutwasshortof

somepeople.Iofferedtogoonmyothercharacter,myvenomancer.SoIswitchedontomyothercharacterandusedhertoplay.Coincidently,Oscarwas

calledovertojointhesquad.Hedidntknowitwasmetillmynamerungsomebells(MyassassinsnameisFinrah,andmyvenomancersnameisFinra).

Asmoredayspass,Iquiteoftenhadtotakebreaksfromthegamebecauseofstudies.AfterthebreakIwentonlineonmycleric,andgreetedmynewonline

family.Oscarwasinamiddleofaconversationabouthiswork.Ididntpaymuch

attentiontohim,sinceIwasexcitedtoseeOscarandtoldhimIwasthatassassinhemetduringNirvana.Idontknowforwhatreason,Iwasjusthappytoseehim

online,toseehimchat.Heather,hisonlinesister(andnowmysisterinlaw)wastryingtogetmetolookathisphotosonhisFacebook,teasingOscarabouthis

hotlookswithhisbalaclavaon.ItwasthenthatIknewhewasamarinein

Mexico.

AtthetimeIhadmyFacebookaccountclosed,becauseIhadstalkersfromother

games,somefromreality,sotheonlywaytoseehisphotoswastologbackonline.IwascuriousbecauseofHeathersdescriptionssoImadeanew

account,anduploadedsomepicturesofmyownaswell.Iwenttoseehisphotosbysearchinghisname,andsaidtohiminthegamechat,Whoayoulook

handsome:3Thentoreturnthefavour,IpostedmypicturetoOscarand

Heathertoo.WhenOscarsawit,hesaid,wowyoulook..cute.Heatherwassurprisedathisreaction,becausetheOscarsheknewwouldnever

saywhatwasinhisheadrightaway.

Wesomehowthenderailedtothesubjectofwhatkindofgirlheliked,andIsaid,Ifyouwantayoungwoman,lookforanasian:Ptheydontgetoldsoquickly.Heagreed,andsaidthathelikesAsianstoo...andhopedtogetanAsiangirlfriend

becausetheMexicanladiesheseeshereisnthistype.

Nextday,Iranintoanotherconversationbetweenhimandouronlinefamily

abouthispromotionfromPFCtoCPL.Thiswasoneofthoseconversationsthatmadeanimpressioninourminds.

Me: WhatsPFC?Him: PrivateFirstClass.

Me: OooandwhatsCPL?Him: Corporal.

Me: Doesthatmeanitsmoredangerousforyou?

Him: YesandnoMe: Dontdieonme.

Him: Lol,Iwont.

Me: Promise?Him: Yea,promise.

Onanotherdayofrunningintoaconversationbetweenhimandthefamily,he

wasbeingemoandtalkingaboutpeopledying.Whatstuckoutwaswhenhesaidwelldoesntmatteranyways.Itsnotliketheyarethefirstonestodie.I


6/21

immediatelygotpissedoff,andwasmadathimforbeingemo.Iyelledathim,

andloggedoffthegame.Inanhourorso,Iwentbackonlineafterhavingsomechill-outtime,becauseforsomereasonIwasboughttotearswhenhesaidthat.I

didntwanttoloseafriend,becauseitshardformetogainfriends.WhenIsignedinIhadaletterinmymailbox,andIwentandreadit.Hewasapologizing

formessingupandbeingemo,andthathewouldntdoitagain.Irememberedatimewherehementionedhelikedthishelmetinthefashionsectionofourgameboutiqueshop,soIwentandboughtitandsentittohimtocheerhisgloomyself

up.Hewasthankfulforthehelmet,andsaidhellkeepitwithhimalwaysasa

reminderofthislesson.

AfterawhileIvanishedforanother2monthsorsobecauseofstudies,butthistimeIhadmyshopcharacteronlinecalledFinshop.WhileIwascheckingtosee

ifIgotanybusiness,coincidentlyOscarwentpassedmyshop.Iimmediately

PMedhimaHiandtoldhimIwasFin.HewashappyandalsosurprisedthatIrememberedhim,andevenbotheredtotalktohimwhenIcouldhaveignored.

Duringanotherbreak,IwentontomyEarthguardSeekercalledLufiahandwantedtoexplorethenewmapthatthegamehadjustreleased.BeforeIdidthat,

Iloggedontoallmycharactersatonceall5ofthem.Thegamewasnolongeraplacetojustplayandjoininevents,butalsoaplacewhereIgettochillandhang

outwithfriends.IaskedOscarifhewasfreetohangout,andtoldhimtocometo

theAuctioneersdownsouthofArchosaur,thebigmaincityofthegametocheckoutmygamecharacters.Ididaminiparadearoundhimwhenhearrived,andI

casuallyoutofthebluesaid,Oscar!Chooseonetobeyourwife!Hewassurprised,buthegotonwithitanyways.Hesaidallareaworkofart,andthey

areallyou,butifIreallyhavetochooseIthinkitwouldbeyourSeekerbutthenImetyouonyourassassinfirstsoprobablyyourassassinIlaughed,andaskedhimifhewasfreetotraveltoTellusCity,thenewmapwithmetoexplore

thegamedesign.HesaidhewasfreesoweflewtoTellustogether.

TherewasaplaceinTelluswhereitwasallsnowy,calledtheGelidPlateau.We

flewontopofatowerandsatdowntogether.Oncehesat,Isatdown.Anotherconversationthatleftamarkinourminds:

Him: IjustnoticedthatourhandsaretouchingMe: o_ooopssorry!

(Igotupandmovedawayfromhimabit,andsatdownagain)Him: IneversaidIdidntlikeit...

Me: lol..(speechless)

WegotupandexploredabitmorearoundTellus,andthenIsuggestedwe

shouldgotoRagingTides(thecityofthemermaids)foravisit,becauseIhavent

hadathoroughvisitthere.

Whenwereachedthere,hesuddenlysaidhewantedtotalktomeandtellmesomething.Sowesatdownnearbyunderatreethatwaskindofhalfdead,not

themostromanticplace(andthatplacewascalledlike,somethingBloodsomething)butitsnowclaimedasourspot.


7/21

Underthistreewaswhereitallstarted.

Him: Iusedtothinkthatlovewasacomplicatedthingbutitsnotthat

complicated

Me: Really?

Him: Yeah.Seemsmyfortuneisrightlikeadragon...youwillbeproudand

lonelyandIllneverunderstanditverywell.Wellatleast,Ishouldtakeitoutfrommychest;itwonthurtsohardifItakeitout

IhaveacrushonyouthoughIalreadyknowwhatsnextIpreferjusttotakeitout

Me: *surprisedandspeechless*

Itwasamomentofsurprise,becauseIneverknewOscarfeltthatwayforme.AtthetimeIwasatthestagewhereIvehadenoughofrelationships,especially

LDRs,andthoughtthistimeroundImgoingtogoforaphysicalrelationship,as

itisnormalandhealthier.Ionlylikedhimmorethanjustafriendatthetime,soIdidntknowexactlywhattosay.

AlthoughIdidntlovehimatthatmoment,Istillwantedtogivehim,andgivemyselfachanceandthis,wouldbeourlastchance.Ashesays,thiswouldbe


8/21

thelasttimetogethumiliatedlikehowhisex-girlfrienddidtohim,whichalso

causedhimtoloseafriendslifeprotectinghimfromsuicide-andlikeIsaidtohimtoo,itwouldbemylastrelationship;oratleast,thelastLDR.Ifitdoesnt

workout,therewouldntbeanotherone.IgaveusachancebecauseIfeltthathewassomeonewhowonthurtmeforbeingamarine,someonewhowouldstay

truetome,givemewhatIwant,andletmegivewhatIwanttogive.Hesgotnothingtolose,andhadnoreasontothrowsomeonehelovesaway.Healreadygavemeasenseofsecurityforwhathewas.

Me: Oscarrightnow,Ionlylikeyoumorethanjustafriend,butIdontloveyouyet.IwilltellyouwhenIstarttofallinlovewithyoualright?

Him: SuretakeyourtimeIwillwaitforyounomatterhowlongyoutake.

Me: So.Isnttheresomethingyouneedtoaskme?xD

Him: :DFinwillyoubemygirlfriend?

Me: *pausesforamomenttomakesuspension*Yes

Oscarwasoverjoyed.Wethenannouncedthatweweretogetherbymecalling

HeathersisterinlawandourbrotherChadbrotherinlaw.David(anotherbrotherinlaw)wasofflineatthetimebutwewereplanningtogetabooze

somewhere.AlthoughOscarunderstoodIdontlovehimatthetime,hewasalreadyreallyhappytogetthechancetoprovehimselfworthyofmylove.


9/21

~~FROMPWI,TOSKYPE~~

Afterthatdayofconfession,wespentalotoftimetogetheringame,asiftime

hadstopped.OvertimeIlearnedmoreabouthim,andweneverhadany

argumentsyet.Everydaywespendtimetogether,observinghowheislike,gettingtoknowhimmore.Ilikedhimlittlebylittle,andthoughtweshouldreach

thenextstepifwearegoingtotakethisseriouslybecauseIalreadystartedtofeelthatImfallingforhim.IaskedOscarifhehadSkype,andtoldhimweshould

startchattingonSkype.ThefirsttimeIheardhisvoice,IdidntgetthefeelinglikeIlandedonthewrong

boatandIwasinthemiddleoftheocean,nowheretoescapewithouthurting

him.IwasgladImadethatmove,becausehisvoicewassonicetolistento.Hewasnervous,talkingaboutlotsofthings,eventotopicslikeeatingpies.

Wespentquitesometimejustvoicechatting,novideos.Voicechatwasthefirst

steptoprogression,andthenthenextwouldbevideo.Ihadtomakesurehewas

reallythepersonIwouldgivemylifetobeforeIrevealmyselftoomuchtohim,andIwasalsoveryshy.

ItwasntrightawaythatIknewwhatexactlyhedoesIknowhesamarine,but

Idontknowwhathedoesexactlyoverthere.SoIaskedhimthingsIwantedto

know.Iaskedhimwhathedoesasamarine,andheexplainsthathegoesagainstthesepeoplecallednarcos,whoaredrugtraffickers.Itwasonlythen,tillIrealize

thattherewasthisDrugWargoingoninMexicoforsomanyyears,andIhave

beenblindedandkeptawayfromitbecauseImdownunderinNewZealand,mindingmyownassonly.ThemoreIhearhimtalkabouthisexperienceand

knewabouthim,themoreIfellforhim.Heisinmyeyes,suchahero.Wetradedinformationaboutourpast,justgettingtolearnabouteachothermoresowecan

understandeachotherbetter,anddeveloptherelationshipfurther.


10/21

BeforewegotoffSkype,hesaidhisfirstIloveyoutomewithhisvoice.ThenI

replied,Iloveyoutoo.

WesometimeshadMSNsessions,butitgotoutdatedandweswitchedtoSkypeforthemostpart.ItwasonMSNwherehesentmelotsofsongslikeCatalyst

fromLinkinPark,HeroofWarfromRiseAgainst,etc.Fromthenwestartedtoskypeeveryday,andIautomaticallylearnthissleeping

times,hisworkingtimesandhisgamingtimes.Gamingtimeisthesameas

spendingtimewithmewellbeonskypeandonPWIatthesametime,doingdungeonrunsandflyingalloverthemap,enjoyingourselves.


11/21

~~OSCARSSTORIESINTHEMILITARY~~

Ioftenwonderwhyhesalwaysseemsohappywhenhecomeshomefromalongdayofwork,whenIassumehesnotsupposedtobehappy.Iknowhesprobably

happytoseeandbewithme,butforsomereason,heseemstobehidingthings.IfIdidntpokeathimenough,hewouldnthavetoldmethehardshipandhorror

hehadontheday.ThereweresituationswhereImadehimsaywhatwasworryingandtroublinghismind.IwasntsureifIwassupposedtomakehim

spill,butallIknowisIcannotlethimsuckallthepaininandlethimdealwithit

onhisown,becausemylifewasnolongerjustmine,andhislifewasnolongerjusthisorhiscountries,butalsopartofme.

Hetoldmethathekilledafatherofachild,andahusbandofawifebecausehe

wasassociatedwiththenarcos.Hewasreallyupset,notbecausehewasslappedandbeinghitbythewife,butbecausehemadeafamilyfallapart,whenthehusbandonlywantedtogetmoneyforthefamily.Heunderstood,butthisisthe

choiceofwhatsrightandwhatswrong,andterminatingnarcoswashisjob.He

hadtofacemanypeoplethatverballyabusedhimforwhathedid,andhehadtotakeitallinandnotsayaword,eventhoughhewasjustdoinghisjob,anddoing

therightthing.

Onanotherday,therewasacrossfirebattlebetweenagroupofnarcosandhis

teammatesincludinghimself.Alittlegirlwasinthemiddleofthecrossfire,so

Oscardidntthinktwicebutdashedout,pickedupthegirltosaveher.Hepromisedherhedbringhertosafety.Unfortunately,becauseOscarhadbeen


12/21

overworkinghisbody,hislegssuddenlycollapsedandcouldnotmove.Thegirl

gotshot,anddiedinOscarshands.Hewasshocked,terrified,andwasbrokenseeingthelittlegirldieinhishands,staringathimwiththoseeyesthathell

neverbeabletoforget.Hewasntsurewhethershemisunderstoodwhathappenedorknewwhatreallyhappenedtohislegs.Thisleadthecivilianswhom

histeamandhimselfwereprotectingtothinkOscarusedherasameatshield.Heyetagain,hadtofaceacrowdofpeoplesabuse,morns,andphysicalattacks.Histeammatesgothimoutofit,buthewasmorethanhappytobebetupforwhat

happenedtothegirl.

Oscaralwayshasdreamsofthosefacesthathekilled.Wheneverhecloseshis

eyes,thesmell,thestaresandthesoundofthedeathsofthosepeopledriveshimcrazy.Hehasithardtosleep,anditreallyhurtsmyhearttoseehimlikethis.I

feltsosorryforhim,andfeltthatIreallywanttoprotectthisman.Ialsofelt

upsetaboutnotknowinganyofthisbeforeImethimandfeltsoashamed.

Ononeofhismissions,therewerealotofexplosionsfromgrenades.Hecamebackwounded,withglassandmetalfragmentsinsidehisleg,buthepretended

hewasfineandhetriedtohidewhathappened,becausehedidntwantmetoworry.Ihadtogoawayfrommycomputerforabriefmomentbecausemymum

calledme.WhenIcameback,Irealizedhismicrophonewasonmute.Iasked

whathappened,andwhywasheonmute.Hejustsaid,nothingbaby.Imadehimspill,becausetherewassomethingtothattoneofvoicethatmademe

scarednotbecauseitwascreepy,butitsoundedlikehewasbadlyhurt.Hefinallytoldmewhathappened.Hemutedbecausehedidntwantmetohearhim

suffer.Hetoldmetherewerebrokenfragmentsofglassandmetalinsidehisthigh,andtherewasnomedicaroundtohelphimextractthem,sohehadtodoitbeforeitstartscontaminatinginsidehisbody.Iwasshocked,andthiswas

beyondwhatasanehumancandotohimself.Healsodidntwantmetoget

frightened;hedidntwantmetobeexposedtotheHellsoflife.Therefore,hetooktheopportunitytocurehimselfwhenIwasawaysoIwontbeinfluenced

andbepartofthishorrorweciviliansconsider,tobedoneuponourselves.Buthewasntdoneyet.HewasabouttomutethemicrophoneagaintillIstopped

himandsaidthatIwantedtohearhim.Iadmititsthefirsttimetobeexposedto

this,andIwoulddefinitelybehorrifiedifIsawwhathewasdoingtohimself,butifIcantevenstandthesoundsthentheresnowayIcouldeverunderstandhim

andlovehimenough.SoIaskedhimtonotmutehimself,Iwantedtobetherewithhimwhenhesgoingthroughthepain.Becausehewaslackingofproper

medicaltools,hehadtousehistwinbladeknifethatwasnotsanitized,which

alsohadbloodstainsofnarcosbloodonthemtocutopenhisleg.Next,hetookapen,tooktheinkoutandusedthecasetopokeoutthefragmentsoutofhisleg

sincehehadnotweezers.Thenhehadtochecktoseeifallfragmentsareoutof

hislegbutwigglinghisfingeraroundinsidethecut,andthensewedhislegtogetherwithaneedleandthread.DuringthecourseoftheoperationIwas

utterlyterrifiedatallthepainhehadtobear,becauseitisjustunbearableifitweretobeme.Thesoundsofhisbreathingmademefeelsosmall.Therewasno

anestheticeither.Helookedathimself,andthensuddenlystartedlaughinghysterically.Iaskedwhyhesuddenlylaughinglikethat,andaskedifhewas


13/21

feelingalright,thenhesaidImnotahumanImnotafuckinghuman,

hahahahahaandthensuddenlystartedtocry.Hetoldmehismateswerestayingawayfromhimandgivinghimthoselooks,becauseofwhathecandoto

himself,callinghimamonster.

Itsnotallabouthowhesuffersinthearmythough,thoughitneverends.ThepleasantthingIcantalkaboutishisteammate,wholikestopissOscaroffwithhismusicbyplayingthesamefewsongseveryday,everynight.Oscarwouldget

somadthathedgetupandpunchhimintheface,tellinghimtogetlostandplay

itsomewhereelse.

Oscarstartedtochangeaswell,whenhebecamemoreloving,andalwayshadasweetlookonhisfacewheneverhethinksaboutme.Healsobecamesoftertohis

teammates,butthatleadhimtobeingteased.Hestuckaphotoofmeinsideof

hishelmet,andtime-to-timehewouldtakehishelmetoffandstareatmyphoto,inhisdorm,intheVTR,duringbreakortraveling.Onetimeoneofhisteammates

snatchedhishelmet,andtosseditaroundtheroomthrowingittoother

teammates.Oscargotfurious,becausetheyweremakingfunofme,funofus.Ohhhlook,anasiangirl!WoohooO~!Oscargotintoafightwiththem,and

punchedhimtogetthehelmetback.Becausehedidntwanthisstufftobemessedwithagain,hemovedtotheammostorageroomtosleep,wherethere

wasabsolutelynothingbutarmoryandweaponry.HeusedhisKevlartosleepon

asapillow,sleepingonthefloor.Whentheweatheriscold,thewindwouldtravelthroughthecracksoftheirondoor,gettingtoOscar,makinghimsick.

IhadnoideawhataKevlarwas,tillhetoldmetogoogleimagethem.Itdidnt

lookatallcomfortable,andIwasconcernedabouthisneck.SoIdidsomeresearchonhowtomakeabolster,andmadehimmyfirstwaterproofbolsterandsentittohim.Ialsocutasectionofmylonghairtoputinsidethebolsterfor

goodluck.LaterIsenthimanotherparcel,withaloadofmedicationlotsoffirst

aiditems,tweezers,scissors,creams,warmclothingandsanitizers.

HealsogotdegradedfrombeingaCorporalbacktoaPrivateFirstClassbecauseoneofhisteammateswantedarevengeonhim,andmadesomefalsechargeson

him.HedidlaterearnedhisCorporalpositionback,butitdidntendthere,the

secondcorporalthatwaspartofhisteamgotontohisassevenmorethefollowingdays.

Yetanotherfightoverme,discouragingOscarthattherelationshipbetweenhim

andIwasnotpossible.SayingIwillfindsomeoneelsehereinreallife,livea

betterlifeandwilldumphimrealsoon.Oscargotagitatedandstartedtohaveaphysicalfight.Forsomereason,thesecondcorporalsomehowknewabouthis

ex-girlfriendaswell,andaddedtothedamageofhowhefailsatlongdistance

relationships,andthiswontbeanydifferentwithme.

OvertimeitsreallyeasytoreadwhatisgoingonwithOscar.Wheneverheshidingsomething,Icanfeelanddetectit.Iwouldnthaveknownaboutthese

fightsifIdidntdetectitfromhiswayofspeech.UptothispointIwasreadyforhimtoseemeonwebcam.


14/21

Me: Osky,youwanttoseemeoncam?Him: surewhynot?

Me: Ithinkyoullbefreakedoutthough*turnsthecameraon*Him: andwhywou-(hestutteredandwaslostinwords,thenasuddenchange

oftone)whywouldIbefreakedout?Later,IwasabletomeethiscoachandhisLieutenant.Iwasntallowedtosee

thembecauseOscarwasatbase,andwebcamswerestrictlyforbidden.Atleast

Oscarcouldseemethough,andnotonlyhimbutalsohisteammatestoo.TheysawmeenoughtoknowthatImtheoneforOscar,andhestheoneforme.

Oscarscoachisafemale,whotaughthimSystemaandKravMaga.SheisthewifeofhisLieutenant,andthem3aregreatfriends.Thebothalwayslookoutforhim.

ThesecondinchargeCorporaldidntjustgiveuponpissingOscaroffthough,butdidallhecouldtogethimintotrouble.TherewasamissionwhereOscarhadto

lockupanarcointothebackofthevan,andbringhimbacktobase.Howeverthe

narcowasabletoescape.Oscarimmediatelybecameundersuspicionoflettingthenarcogo,andthesecondcorporalaccusedOscartobeabetrayerofthe

military.Heendedupgoingtothemartialcourts,seeingifhellgetpenalizedforlettingthenarcoescape.Thecorporalstartedtobringmeintothecourt,saying

thatOscarissuspiciousbecauseheconstantlytalkswithmeonSkype.Oscar

foughtformeincourt,andfortunatelyhislieutenantandhiscoachstoodbyhissideandbackedhimup,becausebothofthemhadseenmeoncamera,andboth

knewofmetobeasafepersontobewithandcausednothreattoanything,andhadgotnothingtodowiththis.Theyendedupfindingtheculpritandhegot

imprisoned.IttookawhiletohaveOscarsteammatessettledownwithalltheteasing

betweenOscarandI,drivinghimnutswithallthediscouragingandtryingto

makehimsuffer.Therewasonenighthewasreallyshockedatwhathediscoveredonhistableinadraweritwashisfiles.Hisidentityfiles,hisstatus,

hisbringup,hisrecordsandhishistoryandanexperimentresult.Apparently,OscarsgrandfatherhadconnectionswiththeGeneral,andplannedaMilitary

trainingcoursearoundOscarsothathecanbecomeakillingmachine.Hewas

oneofthemanycandidatesthatwereputintoexperiment,toseetheresultsofwhatthemilitarytrainingcanprovide.Thisincludedbrainwashingtechniques.

Oscarwasoftenbrainwashedwithnumbers,eithertogiveadrivetohimsothathecankillmoreefficiently,orbrainwashtoforgetcertainthingsorchangethe

wayhefunctioned,andthethingsthathebelieved.Heknewhewasonlyatoolto

hiscountry,butnotsomuchtothestageofakillingmachine.Hewasshockedtolearnthathesbeentreatedasanexperiment,andahighlysuccessfulone,which

gavethereasonwhyhecouldcurehimself,beingabletosustainsomuchpain

andwasbeingcalledamonster.

Hewashesitanttotellmethis,becausehewastooafraidhewouldloseme.ButasusualIwasabletomakehimspillwithjustafewnudges.Iadvisedhimtotalk

tohisGeneralaboutthis,andforthemostpartfindoutwhyhisfileswerejust


15/21

lyinginthestorageroomsdrawer.Itsasifsomeonedeliberatelyputittherefor

himtosee,sohewillhaveanothermentalbreakdown.

ThenextdayIkissedOscarbestofluckwhenhemarcheddowntohisGeneralsoffice.Thereweretwoguardsatthedoorleadinghimin.Oscaraskedaboutthis

wholeexperimentprogramandwhatwasitallabout,buthecouldntgetananswertowhowastheonethatputhisfileinhisdeskdrawer.HisGeneraltoldhimthathewantedtoturnhimintoakillingmachine,andaccordingtothe

resultstheexperimentwashighlysuccessful,onlysometweakinghereandthere

tomakehimabetterkiller.Oscarstartedtoflameathimandsaidhehadnorightstomesswithhismind,andheisnotgoingtobeakillingmachine.His

Generalremindedhimhewasnothingbutadogofwar,andthisexperimentwouldvehelpedhimexecutemissionseasierwhenhecanfeelnopain,andhes

theonemakingithardforhisselftohaveaheartforlovingme.Oscarfuriously

drewhisgunoutandpointeditathisGeneralshead.Instantly,theGeneralsguardsthrewhimtothefloorandbeathimupforinsultingtheGeneral.Hecame

backtomeandtoldmeaboutthisincidentindetail.Hewassoproudthathe

insultedhisGeneralandyelledathisface.Icommentedhecouldvebeenkilledifhewasoverlyreckless,buthereplied,Psh,hecantkillme.Iwasthinkingthat

ifitwerentforme,heprobablywouldnthavechosentobeahumanbutgoneaheadwiththeplanasakillingmachine.


16/21

~~HISLIFE,MYLIFE~~

Oscarhadalwaysbeenonthesespecialpillsforhishearteversincetheincident

thathappenedwhenhewas8.Hequiteoftenattendstothemedictohaveacheckathowthegelisdoinginhisartery.Theplugwasexpandingandwas

cloggingalotmorespace.Hismedictoldhimhehadnomorethan10yearstolive,ifthisconditionpersists.Hewasabouttorunoutofthepills,andtherewereonlytwowaystogetthepills.OnewasthroughhisGeneral,andtheotherwas

payingalocaldoubletheamountofmoney.Itmustbeapilladay.Hecouldnot

skipthismedicine,orhewillhaveaheartattack.HeaskedtoorderthepillsfromtheGeneralinadvanceandheagreedtogetitordered;butitnevergottohim.

OscaralreadysawitcomingsinceheknewtheGeneralhatedhim,sohetookhischancetogoouttothelocalmedicandgetthepills,payingdoubletheprice.

Theywereveryexpensive,butinordertosurvive,itshisonlyway.

AugustwasthemonthwhereIgottoseehimonwebcamforthefirsttime.Itwas

hisbirthday,sohewasallowedtogohomeforabreak.ThefirsttimeIsawhim

onewordonlygottome.JACKPOT.HenotonlyhasawonderfulpersonalitythatnowIvefinallyfullyfallenfor,butalsoveryhandsome.Inoticedhewasa

littlenervouswhenhekeptongigglingatmyreaction,andtoldmehefeltthesamewaywhenhefirstsawme.Hewasdragginganohmygodoutloudfora

verylongtime,becausehecouldntbelievehehadsuchabeautifulgirlfriend.

Hewasntallowedtostayforlong,soreallysoonhehadtomovebacktobase.It

wasanamazingexperience,whenwecouldfinallyseeeachothertogetheratthesametime.Healsogotmetwochococatsandoneblackangrybird.Oneisnamed

ChocoOsky,andtheotherisnamedChocoFinny.ChocoFinnyhasacloveronherrightfoot,whichwasthereasonwhyOscarpickedher.

Whenhewentback,hehadtochangehisschedulearound,becausewehavea

differenceof3hoursand1day,to4hoursand1dayto5hoursand1day.HewouldchangehisschedulearoundsothathellbeherewhenImhome,andbe

workingwhenImatuniversity.Quiteoftenneartheendoftheyear,wehavebigprojectstohandin,soOscarwouldbeonSkypewithmeworkingonhisreports,

andIwillbedoingmyDigitalDesignproject.Timetotimehewouldsendmea

kiss,andthatimmediatelyknocksmeoutofmyfocus.

SoonwegotmarriedinPWIonDecemberthe15th,withalegitweddingceremonywecreatedforourselves,havingaproperweddingring,awedding

dress,theoathandtheaudience.Itwassuchawonderfulday,becauseitran

throughsosmoothly.Oscaractuallyhadtorushbacktobasetogetmarried,andheluckilymadeitintime.

IfullyquittedPWIafterawhilewhenIneededtoberealseriousaboutmyfuture,becauseIdontwantmyaddictiontogetthebestofmeandmesswithmy

studies.Ialsowantedtogettoknowhimmoreandinteractwithhimmoreinreality,notviathegame.Mygoalwastograduate,getajobandsaveupforus.I

cannotaffordstudyinganotheryearifIweretofailanypapers.LeavingthegamehoweverfeltlikeIwasleavinghim.


17/21

Westartedarguinginto8monthsofourrelationship.Weargueaboutthemoststupidthings,and95%ofthetimeitsaboutthegameandthepeoplethereeven

thoughIwasnolongerplaying.IfeltthatIvedumpedhimthereonhisowneventhoughIvebeenalwayshereonSkypewithhim,includingthecam.We

couldntdoanymoredungeonrunslikeweusedtoasworkwasdemanding,andIhadtodowell.Therewerebreaksofcourse,buttoavoidgettingaddictedagainIhadtoholdstrongforthebetter.Heunderstoodme,butIcanthelpfeelingbad

aboutiteventillnow.

Icouldbarelyrememberwhatelsewearguedabout,butitdidgoquiteserious

whenOscarsbloodpressurerose.Hehadapressureattackbecauseheforgottotakehispillsontime,becausewewerearguing.Forsomereasonhispillswere

gonefromwhereheusedtokeepit,andlaterfounditintherubbishbin.

Howeverhewasalreadystrugglingwiththeattack,crashingonthefloorasifafishisabouttogiveupbecausetherewasnowatertobreathe.Theonlywayfor

himtogetbacktogetherwastoinjectanadrenalineneedleintohisbody.Since

hewasstrugglingtocontrolhimself,theneedlesnappedinsidehisarm.Hesworeandhadtograbhisknifeagain,slitopenhisarmandpullouttheneedle

beforeitmovedanywhereelse.Thenheusedalightertoburnbackhisslittogether.

Ialsohadhyperventilationattacksbecauseofmymindbeingunstable,being

confusedwithwhatistrueandwhatisnt,whatmatteredandwhatdidnt,whatproblemsIvecausedhimbecauseofmyworriesandconstantnegative

statementsthrownatmefrommymum,andthepeoplethatkeptontellingmethisrelationshipwontworkoutjustallcametomeatonce.ItworriesOscaralotwhenIhavehyperventilationattacks,becauseitremindshimofthosepeople

whoareabouttodie.

Weneverletargumentsgoovernight.Evenifitcostshimonenightsleep,ora

latenightforme,wewouldneverletanargumentunsolved.Ourargumentsonlygosofartillitdidntmatterwhowasrightandwhowaswrong,becausewhat

wasimportantwashishealth.Wecanscreamateachotherbutitwouldalways

endupproblemsolved.Therewasonenightwherewehadanintensefight,whereIendedupintearsandwasreallyangrywithhim.Everytimewehavea

fightthough,bothofuswouldapologize.Iwouldapologizefortheargument,andhewouldapologizefortheargumenttooandalsohisbadtemper.Italmostfelt

likeasintohavehimapologizetome,becauseIunderstandwhyhehadsucha

temper.

Withargumentsdelayingmyworkandoursleep,hewaitedformetoget

finished.HefellasleeponskypewhileIwasfinishingoff,withagradualsofttunethatstartedtocomethroughmyearcanals.Ivehadneverheardsuchbeautiful

snoringbefore,andIwouldlovetohearitforallmylife.Itwasthesoundofbeingalive,withthelookofacorpse.Heisfinallyhavingagoodrestfromallthe

Hellhesbeenthroughtheday,andIfeltasifIwasrightbesidehiminreality.It


18/21

wasjustlikeasweetlullaby.After20minutesorso,Oscarsuddenlywokeup

fromhissleepjustalittlebit,andcalledme.Hemutteredwithasleepyvoice,

Him: BabyMe: yesmylove?

Him: Iloveyou. (Fallsbacktosleepandstartedtosnoreagain)

Atthatmoment...tearsrandownmyface.Wevejusthadaheatedargument,we

bothwerestillrecoveringfromyellingateachother,butevenwhilehessleepinghehadmeinhismind.IfeltsobadforarguingwithhimIcouldnt

believethatIwasevenyellingathim.Itsamazinghowmuchwemeantoeachother.

BecauseIwasgettingconstantlybusy,hewantedtoloadhisschedulewithmoreworksohewouldntbeinthewayofmeorbesittingarounddoingnothing.

HoweverhisCaptainmanagedtoinjurehislegsohedhavetostaybehindand

recoverhimselffullyandgetmorerestbeforehecouldgetbacktoaction.Hestillmanagedtodowork,thoughitsnotatallpleasant.Hehadtogothroughrape

videosandmakereportsonthem.Beforehewasonitwehadanotherargument,whichalwaysoriginatefrommisunderstandings,andonthesubjectmatterof

oppressionsoithithimevenharder.Becausehewasalsoavictimhimself,he

couldnotstandwatchingrapevideos.Togetherwiththememoryofthepainfromthepast,ourargumentandthevideowiththesoundsandgraphics,hehad

amentalcrashandinstantlystoodup,drewhispistoltohisheadreadytopushthetrigger.Luckilyhisteammatesthatwereinthesameroomsawwhatwas

happeningandimmediatelyjumpedonhimandtookhimtothetherapist.Hetoldthetherapistwhatwasgoingoninhismind,andhowhecouldbea

betterboyfriend.Heaskedthetherapisttofixhim,sothathecouldbeless

paranoid,lesscaringandlesspossessiveofmesoIgettobreathe,andnotfeellikeheisoppressingme.

Hecamebacktome,indeedwithsomechanges.Istartedtofeelscared,becauseI

neverwantedhimtogounderthebrainwashtherapyeveragain.Hetoldme

beforehehatedbrainwashing,seeingallthenumbersandseeingwhatitdoestohim...buthediditformysake.Icouldnthelpmyselfbuttocry,andapologizing

tohimbecauseIdidntwanthimtochange.Ilovedhisflaws,andevenifhewastochange,itshouldbedoneundernaturalmethodsinsteadofbrainwashing.I

remindedhimthatheisnotamachine;youcantjusttakechipsoutofyourhead

andalteryourselflikethat.HeaskedifIwantedhimtogoandchangehimselfback,butIrefusedforhimtodosobecauseitsjustwrongtobeabletoalterand

changethewaysomeoneis.Iwasalsoscaredthatthebrainwashingmightaffect

hismemoryofme.IvealreadyexperiencedanightmarewhereOscarcompletelyforgotwhoIwas,andwasreallycoldtomeandactedlikeheneverhadknown

meandthathewaslovingsomeoneelse.Iwokeupcryingreallybadlyinthemiddleofthenight,wakingmybrotherupfromtheotherroom.


19/21

~~MOREMOMENTSTILLPRESENT~~

Fearisalwaysthefirst

emotiontostrikewhenyouknowyourmanisrecklessand

thinkshesabadass.Itdefinitelydoesntaddtothesecurityeitherwhenyoure

working,hesuddenlygives

youatextmessagetellingyoutoliveon,andtoforgetabout

him.Iimmediatelysnapped,stoppedwhatIwasdoingand

gavehimatextbacktohim.

Noreply.Ithenrunghim6times,nopickup.Iwasconvincedthathewasdead.Icriedandcriedlikeno

tomorrow,luckilynoonewasathometobotherme.Screamingatthetopofmy

lungsthathesgone,IthoughtIveoughttogivehimaproperrecognitionthatIonlybelongedtohim,whetherhesdeadoralive.IhoppedontoFacebook,

changedmystatusfromengagedtomarried,andaddedhislast-nameontomyfirst-name.Itsuckedthathehadtoagreewiththestatuschangeinordertosee

theeffect,butitssomethingIdiddo.Suddenlyafterawhile,mystatuschange

gotagreed.IwasoverjoyedwasitreallyOscar?Iaskedmyself.Hemessagedmeandapologizedtomeandsaidhellexplaineverythingwhenhecomesback

home.Iwassorelieved,sohappy,andcriedagainthistimebecauseIwassohappyhewasalive.WhathappenedwasOscarandhisteamwasfacingagroup

ofnarcos,whowantedtonegotiateacompromise,andaskedforarepresentativetowalkoutandtalk.Noonedaredtowalkout,becausetheyknewthenarcoswouldshoot.Beingthecorporal,Oscarknewhedbetheoneto

go.ItwasatthismomentOscartextedmethemessage,andthenwalkedout.

OscarwalkedstraighttowardstheNarcosandthenarcosstartedfiringathim.OscarwentcrazyandyelledYOUCANTKILLME!andshotatthenarcos,along

withthehelpofhisteammatesfrombehind.Oscarwasmadeasthemeatshield,butfortunatelyhewasnotshotatanyvitalplace.

Hestartedtodobodyguardinginsteadoffrontlineactiondutiesjusttokeepmy

mindateasebutIknewitwasdefinitelysomethingfartooboringforaguylikehimtodo.NotthatIwanttopushhimtothefrontline,butknowinghimhestoo

keenfortheaction.SoquiteoftenItellhimtogobacktowhathewantstodo

andwhathesreallygoodat,andleavethebodyguardingbusinesstothelowerlevels.Doingbodyguarddutiesallowedustoseeeachotheronwebcamsothat

wasabonus.Itcouldntlastforeverthough.Hesjustnotcutouttodosuchan

easyjob.

Duringthebodyguardingtimes,ImethisnewfriendChaparo.HewasalsoinaLDR,andoftentalkedabouttheirrelationshipstoeachother,discussed

problemsandtheirfuture,etc.Iwasreallyhappytomeethim,heseemedlikea


20/21

niceguy,anddefinitelyforOscarhavingagoodfriendashiscomradeisalwaysa

greatbonustohismorality.Butbadthingsjustgottohappen.

Onamissiontogether,OscarandChaparoweretogetherhidingbehindsomeobstacletoavoidthenarcosattacks.Agrenadelandedovernexttothem.

Withoutsecondthoughts,Chaparopickedupthegrenade,pushedOscaroverandranawaytheoppositeside.Beforehecouldthrowthegrenadebackatthenarcos,itwasalreadytoolate.Oscarwascoveredwithhisfriendsbodyparts

andblood.

Laterwhentheywereinhospital,OscargotontoFacebookandwroteonhis

wall...speakinginaveryemoattitude.AtthatmomentIjustwishedIwastheretocomforthim.Apparentlybeforegoingonmission,Chaparohadafightwithhis

girlfriend,sohewasntinagoodmood.ThisisthereasonwhyIalwaysnever

leaveargumentsbeheldovernight.IcannotriskthesamethinghappeningtoOscar,norcouldwebothsleepuntiltheproblemissolved.

Oscarhadsometimetorecover,andheseemedtohaverecovered

veryfast.Imadehimanotherbolster,thistimemoredurable,

andalsoknittedhimascarfand

sentthattohimalongwithsomelipbalmssincehesbeeninthe

desertssomuch.Ialsopurchasedtwostainlesssteelrings;one

engravedMyOscarandtheotherMyJoyceandsentonetohim.

Hewasabletospend2wholeweekswithmeathometospendovermybirthday,andasaconsequencehe

startedhisdeploymentoncehegotbacktoworkuntiltoday,stilldeployed.IdidntknowhewasdeployedtillhewasabletogetInternetaccess2dayslater

totellme,soIgotemoandwentandcutmyhairfromlongtoshort.

EverydayOscarwouldsomehowgetwifiandborrowhisteammatestabletor

phonetogetintouchwithme,tellingmeheisfine.Itnowdecreasedtoonceeveryfewdaysandthenonceaweek,sometimesaweekandabitover,butat

leastthechangewasgradual.Weusedtonotbeabletocopeevenbeingaway

fromeachotherforoneday,letalone2,then3then1week2weeksmonths...thenhalfayear.IbelieveIaminnogroundstocomplainabout

anything,becauseheisonlydoinghisjob;ajobthatagoodmanwoulddo.Iam

proudofhim,andhadalwaysbeen.


21/21

BecauseofmeetingOscar,Ibasedmy3rdyearDigitalDesignprojectcalledIRENE

onnarcoticsinMexico.Withouthim,thiswouldnothavehappened.Iwaspleased

withtheresultandthefeedbackthatIgotfromit,andIreallyamthankfulforwhatOscarhasdoneforme.Heisjustutterly

andabsolutelyamazing.

Rightnowthegoalsarestillthesame,

tryingtokeepsane,keepbeingpositive,keepon

believinginourloveandthatmiracleswill

happen,liketheonewherehetoldmehisgelinhisarterydisappeared.Henolongerneedstotake

thosepills.Itisdefinitelyamiracle.Somehowitfeelstoogoodtobetruethough,butImreally

hopingitistrueandthatitwontcomebackagain.

Asfortoday,IamwaitingdiligentlyforOscarto

appearagain.Ihavedevelopedahabitofbringing

mylaptoparoundwithmetowhateverIdo,includingbeingintheshower.Ialsohavethe

computeronwhenImsleepingwiththevolumeonhigh,soifhemessagesmehellwakemeup,

andIllshootoutofbedtospendsometimewith

him.

Ineverstoppedbelievingthatourrelationshipwillworkout,afterallthethingswehavebeen

through,themiraclesandtheopportunitiesGod

cannotjustgivemeallofthisandtakehimawayfromme.Itwouldbetoocruel,fartoocruel.

~FINfornow.~

a ldr story - "my last love song on this little planet"

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