A Lesson in Revision:Community Inquiry and Point of View

Belinda HensonNSTWP

June 2004

“Revision is Re-seeing”

• Students need support in the gap between spoken and written language.

“Revision is Re-seeing”

• Students need support in the gap between spoken and written language.

• The more the student reads, the better the student writes.

“Revision is Re-seeing”

• Students need support in the gap between spoken and written language.

• The more the student reads, the better the student writes.

• Student “perception” matures with practical revision techniques.

Theory Base

• Students need support in the gap between spoken and written language.

• The more the student reads, the better the student writes.

• Student “perception” matures with practical revision techniques.

Theory Base

• Students need support in the gap between spoken and written language.

• The more the student reads, the better the student writes.

• Student “perception” matures with practical revision techniques.

• “We all need help from other readers to improve our writing” (Maxwell and Miser, 1997)

• “Collaboration has a key role to play to broadening a students awareness of and approaches to the revision process.” (Parsons, 2001)

Theory Base

• Students need support in the gap between spoken and written language.

• The more the student reads, the better the student writes.

• Student “perception” matures with practical revision techniques.

• “…first students must read their own work with as critical an eye as possible.” (Maxwell and Miser, 1997)

• “Reading and writing are parallel linguistic processes.” (Mallow and Patterson, 2002)

Theory Base

• Students need support in the gap between spoken and written language.

• The more the student reads, the better the student writes.

• Student “perception” matures with practical revision techniques.

• Eckoff (1983) and Dressel (1990) both found results relating higher level literature exposure to higher level personal literature.

• Fern & Farnan (1993) found writing workshops in middle school “helped them read like writers.”

Theory Base

• Students need support in the gap between spoken and written language.

• The more the student reads, the better the student writes.

• Student “perception” matures with practical revision techniques.

• Perception is making meaning. (Fearn & Farnan, 1993)

• “Most student writers lack the emotional maturity and security to wholeheartedly embrace a process that requires them to question the quality and delivery of their thoughts.” (Parsons, 2001)

Theory Base• Students need support in the gap

between spoken and written language.

• The more the student reads, the better the student writes.

• Student “perception” matures with practical revision techniques.

• “Metalinguistic awareness is the ability to talk about how and why we use language as we do.” (Mallow & Patterson, 2001)

• “It also means that students know how to discuss their strategies and the difficulties they encounter as they read and write.” (Mallow & Patterson, 2001)

Objective

• The learner will evaluate descriptive writing, analyze clarity from the reader’s point of view, and discover the relevance of visual clues in revision.

Supplies

• Clean copy paper

• Color markers or colored pencils

• Pencils

The Steps

1. Using a poor description, describe a figure or character on an overhead projector.

2. Students must try to draw the figure on clean copy paper.

3. Once students are finished drawing, pass them to the front.

4. Compare student drawing to teacher drawing.

5. With student help, revise the description until students’ feel the description is complete.

6. Draw it again using the new description.

An Overview

Student Example

1) My figure has a round head.2) It’s hear is like little sticks, on top of her head.3) My figure has two small eyes on the face.4) It has a big mouth.5) It has two arms, and two hands, with five fingers in each hand.6) It’s dress is like a triangle without the top part.7) It has two legs, and two feet.8) My figure has a rope that is hanging a pet.9) The pet is at the floor.10) The pet has a collar in his neck.11) The pet has two big eyes in his face.12) The nose of the pet is round.13) The pet only have four little legs and four feet.

Student A’s First DescriptionAnd Drawing

My figure has a round head. It’s hair is like ½ inch straight lines on top of her head. My figure has two small eyes that look like sunflower seeds on the face. It has a big mouth with a big open smile with no teeth. It doesn’t have a nose or any ears, or a neck, too. It has two arms, and two hands that come out from the bottom of her head, not her body. It’s dress is like a triangle, but without the top part. It hast two legs, and two feet.

My figure has get a rope in her right hand that is hanging a pet. The pet is at the floor to the right side of the figure. The pet has a collar is his neck. The pet has two big eyes at his face. The nose of the pet is round. The pet doesn’t have any body, it only has only four legs and four feet.

Student A’s Revised Description

You try it….

Student A’s Original Drawing

Compare…

Modeling the Steps

1. Using a poor description, describe a figure or character on an overhead projector.

2. Students must try to draw the figure on clean copy paper.

3. Once students are finished drawing, pass them to the front.

4. Compare student drawing to teacher drawing.

5. With student help, revise the description until students’ feel the description is complete.

6. Draw it again using the new description.

A Review

Guided Practice

• Students draw their own vision of a figure or character from their imagination on clean paper. Students write their name on the bottom right side of the drawing.

Introduction

Guided Practice

• Students draw their own vision of a figure or character from their imagination on clean paper. Students write their name on the bottom right side of the drawing.

• In several paragraphs, ask the students to describe their figure giving as many details for another student to read the words and try to interpret them in a drawing of their own. Without seeing the original figure, students may want to consider describing the figure from, top to bottom, use geometric shapes when applicable, give colors and dimensions, use right or left, etc. The clearer the directions, the nearer the other student's drawing will be to theirs.

Introduction

Guided Practice

• For peer revision, ask students to trade their writing with a partner without letting them see their drawing.

Step 1

Guided PracticeStep 2

• For peer revision, ask students to trade their writing with a partner without letting them see their drawing.

• The partner will sketch the original drawing without looking at it. The partner will return the writing and drawing to the original student.

Guided Practice

• For peer revision, ask students to trade their writing with a partner without letting them see their drawing.

• The partner will sketch the original drawing without looking at it. The partner will return the writing and drawing to the original student.

• The partners will match up drawings with the original and add details.

Step 3

                                            

1. Students draw their own vision of a figure or character from their imagination on clean paper. Students write their name on the bottom right side of the drawing. (10 minutes)

2. In several paragraphs, ask the students to describe their figure giving as many details for another student to read the words and try to interpret them in a drawing of their own. Without seeing the original figure, students may want to consider describing the figure from, top to bottom, use geometric shapes when applicable, give colors and dimensions, use right or left, etc. The clearer the directions, the nearer the other student's drawing will be to theirs. Put your name at the top of the description. (10 minutes)

3. For peer revision, ask students to trade their writing with a partner without letting them see their drawing.

4. The partner will sketch the original drawing without looking at it. The partner will return the writing and drawing to the original student. (10 minutes)

5. The partners will match up drawings with the original and add details. (10 minutes)

Guided Practice Reference

Independent PracticeStep 1

• Take up the writing only. Tell students to keep their drawing hidden.

Independent PracticeStep 2

• Take up the writing only. Tell students to keep their drawing hidden.

• Distribute the descriptive writing of the figures to the class at random, along with a blank sheet of copy paper.The student who receives the description should first write at the top of the copy paper "(Name) drawing (other student's name) figure“. This will help you identify which drawing is the original and which is the student drawing from the writing.

Independent PracticeStep 3

• Take up the writing only. Tell students to keep their drawing hidden.

• Distribute the descriptive writing of the figures to the class at random, along with a blank sheet of copy paper.The student who receives the description should first write at the top of the copy paper "(Name) drawing (other student's name) figure“. This will help you identify which drawing is the original and which is the student drawing from the writing.

• Allow about twenty to thirty minutes for students to interpret the words and draw the picture.

                                            

1. Take up the writing only. Tell students to keep their drawing hidden.

2. Distribute the descriptive writing of the figures to the class at random, along with a blank sheet of copy paper.The student who receives the description should first write at the top of the copy paper "(Name) drawing (other student's name) figure“. This will help you identify which drawing is the original and which is the student drawing from the writing.

3. Allow at least twenty to thirty minutes for students to interpret the words and draw the picture.

Independent Practice Reference

An Authentic Assessment

• Take up the drawings.

• Hold them up one at a time to evaluate: – What words did certain authors use that were

effective and clear?

– What words were not?

An Authentic Assessment

• Take up the drawings.

• Hold them up one at a time to evaluate: – What words did certain authors use that were effective

and clear?

– What words were not?

• Revise and write a final draft.

HOME

WORK:

Wait, more learning….

• Revise and write a final draft.

Modifications• ESL – My second language learners wanted to draw the

picture correct the first time. I modified it by taking up their written description and, instead of passing them back, I drew all of the descriptions on the overhead.

• I intended to revisit this week long “mini-lesson” to let them truly try it independently, but TAKS and field trips prohibited it.

• The results were an increase in awareness in their own writing. I noticed students immediately being more descriptive and clearer than prior to the lesson. The kids loved it and laughed out loud all week long!

Modifications• GT/AP – Use a revision guide and rubric to help students

create a purposeful piece of literature.– Introduction grabs the reader, purpose, topic, and necessary

information included.

                            

   

Modifications• GT/AP – Use a revision guide and rubric to help students

create a purposeful piece of literature.– Body is specific and says what the writer means it to say. It

includes shapes, measurements, colors, textures, simile comparisons, as well as directional and relational words.

– Body addresses potential problem areas when drawing description. Define difficult vocabulary such as tentacle or scabbard. Doesn’t leave anything to the reader’s imagination.

– Body is organized and arranged in the most logical order. Use paragraph indents when moving to a new step. Help the reader by using transition words.

Modifications• GT/AP – Use a revision guide and rubric to help students

create a purposeful piece of literature.– Conclusion uses a transition word or sentence. Restates the

purpose and topic. May refer to the use or result of the drawing.