about our children, june 2016

8/16/2019 About Our Children, June 2016

1/24

Our ChildrenAbout

Our ChildrenAbout

Supplement to The Jewish Standard • June 2016

EnglewooIs for Kids

Special Local Section

Don’t Worry,Be Happy

KeepingSummertime

Safe

Useful Information for the Next Generation of Jewish Families


2/242 ABOUT OUR CHILDREN • MAY 2016

Emergency Services at

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In addition, our patients consistently rate us better than 99 percent* of Emergency Departmentsin NJ for overall patient satisfaction, as well as wait times to see a doctor. We know that whenit comes to an emergency you can trust you will be treated as if you were the only person in theworld. That’s more than healing. That’s healing the whole person.

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We make you a priority.

That’s what it means to be a trusted hospital.


3/24

Summertime Entrepreneurial Tips . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5

Englewood is for Kids. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 6

Keeping Summer Safe and Healthy . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 8

Generation G . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10

Give More, Get More. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 12

Ways to Treat Dad on his Day . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 13

Don’t Worry, Be Happy . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 14

Helping Your Child with Test Anxiety . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 16

Specialty Camps for your Child. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 17

Tips for Divorced Dads. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 18

Honorable Menschen . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 19

Top Choices: Great Things to Do. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 20

Gallery . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 21

Calendar for June . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 22

Simchas: Our Milestones . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 23

ABOUT OUR CHILDREN • JUNE 20

Natalie JayAdvertising Director

Peggy Elias

Janice Rosen

Brenda Sutcliffe

Account Executives

About Our Children is published 11 times a year by the New Jersey/Rockland Jewish Media Group,1086 Teaneck Road, Teaneck, NJ 07666; telephone: 201-837-8818; fax: 201-833-4959.;e-mail: [email protected].

Our ChildrenAbout

Emuna Braverman

Ari E. Fox

Avigail Rosenberg

Ed Silberfarb

Adina Soclof

Denise Morrison Yearian

Contributing Writers

James L. JanoffPublisher

Heidi Mae BrattEditor

Deborah HermanArt Director

MissionStatementAbout Our Children is designed to help Jewish families in our area live healthy, positive lives that make the most of

the resources available to them. By providing useful, current, accurate information, this publication aims to guide

parents to essential information on faith, education, the arts, events, and child-raising — in short, everything that

today’s Jewish family, babies to grandparents, needs to live life to the fullest in North Jersey and Rockland County.

AdvisoryBoardDr. Annette Berger, Psy.D.

Psychologist, Teaneck

Michelle Brauntuch, MS,CCLS

Child Life Specialist, Englewood Hospital, Englewood

Hope Eliasof

Marriage and Family Therapist, Midland Park Howard Prager, DC, DACBSP

Holistic Chiropractor, Oakland

Jane Calem Rosen

Marketing and Communications Specialist

Barry Weissman, MD

Pediatrician, Hackensack and Wyckoff

Cheryl Wylen

Director of Adult Programs and Cultural ArtsYM-YWHA of North Jersey, Wayne

205 West Englewood Ave • Teaneck, Nwww.thetherapygym.com

Please call 201-357-0417or email [email protected]

to enroll or schedule an appointment

SUMMER PROGRAMS AT

THE THERAPY GYM

PT, OT, Speech, and Behavioral TherapyClasses for Kids

Social Skills

Sports Skills

Yoga

Mommy and Me

Our ChildrenAbout

JEWISH YOUTH

ENCOUNTER PROGRAMCreative and exciting classes for children in grades 3

Bar & Bat Mitzvah PreparationBig Brothers/Sisters mentoring each student

Monthly Family ProgramsLocated in Teaneck (The Torah Academy)Classes Meet Sunday Mornings

No Synagogue Affiliation Required

ah Rapps,Director • 201-833-JYEP (59

Learn About The Revolution IHEBREW SCHOOL Education

In Bergen County

Contact Dr. DeborOr visit us at www.JYEP.org or email [email protected]

Mid-Year Registration Now OpeEarly Bird Registration Now Ope

June 2016


4/24ABOUT OUR CHILDREN • JUNE 20164

I don’t do flour.

That’s been my kitchen rule for

a very long time. I cook, and I’ve

learned to prepare and master many

a tasty dish for the Shabbat meal, but

when it comes to baking desserts or

challah, then it’s hello to my friends,Butterflake, Zomick’s, Zadies, and

Sterns.

Cooking, I’ve always felt, seemed

more aligned with my personality. It

could be extemporaneous and a bit

more forgiving — a little more of this,

a little less of that, let’s eyeball the

amount — than what I perceived to be

the more precise, rigid, and scientific

art of baking.

Besides, sweets and other baked

treats never beckoned me the way

that a good meat and potatoes entrée

did.

That explains why it was only very

recently that I baked my first-ever

from-scratch challah.Unlike her mother, my daughter,

Shaina, often has expressed interest in

baking. So when the opportunity came

up to join in a neighborhood women’s

challah bake following Passover, I

signed us up. It is a tra-

dition for some women

who bake challah for this

particular Shabbat to in-

clude a ke y — in Yiddish

a shlissel — inside their

loaves. The key is a sym-bol for unlocking good

things and blessing in

the coming year, and the

challah has been come

to be known as “shlissel

challah.”

So we went. Wearing my signature

black clothes (oy! the flour all over!),

we assembled that evening with a

roomful of lively women, all there to

have their kneads and their needs met.

Each one of us had a five-pound bag of

flour, oil, sugar, eggs, water, yeast and

all the other necessary ingredients

and was instructed on what to do.

When we all introduced ourselves,

I announced that this was my firsttime, a challah maiden, if you will.

Shaina seemed to take to it very

easily. I was a tentative student, but

got into the moment. We learned

about separating the challah, and

making the blessing,

and of giving good

thoughts and love to

the act of preparing the

special bread. There

was camaraderie in the

all-female gathering. Itwas like a party.

It was getting late,

and tomorrow was

school, so we couldn’t

stay for the braiding

demonstration. We put

our dough into large plastic bags, and

carrying more than 10 pounds of chal-

lah dough, went home. (It was like car-

rying a baby!) Instructed to put every-

thing into the refrigerator until baking

time on Friday afternoon, we did.

By the next day, the dough had

broken through the plastic and was

climbing up the refrigerator wall. It

was crazy, I was a little alarmed, but

I figured that it was normal. So wepushed down the again-risen challah,

and when we were ready to bake, Shai-

na took to the Internet to find how to

braid it. She found a variety of shapes

and took over the lesson giving. I

wanted to make a big, fat loaf, and d

so, while she shaped hers artfully.

Before the challahs went into th

oven, Shaina filmed them pre-bake

and shared them online. Of cours

I took our well-washed house ke

wrapped it in aluminum foil, and iserted it in one of the challahs (the b

fat one — which actually didn’t ba

all through).

Needless to say, the house was a

omatic with the smell of freshly bake

challah. It wafted to the outside.

smelled like Shabbat.

When served, those loaves we

oohed and ahhed during our dinne

They were also gobbled up. It was

wonderful experience.

We also have plenty of frozen cha

lahs and dough left over in our freez

that we could enjoy for many Sha

bats to come.

And if not, hello my friends.

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D E N I S E M O R R I S O N Y E A R I A N

Many youngsters like to use the

summer to make a few bucks.

Whether take a job working in a

store or if they work in a camp, summer

is a good chance for them to taste the

work world. In addition, there are plenty

of entrepreneurial opportunities for mo-

tivated youngsters who want to launch a

new business.

To help your child find a successful

and satisfying niche in the marketplace

this summer, consider these tips:

1. Tap into his or her interests. Start

by having your child make a list of activi-ties he or she enjoys and businesses that

relate to those interests. Find something

that they would be passionate about and

want to pursue. If your child is good with

pets, perhaps he or she would enjoy a

dog-walking business. If they like being

outdoors, maybe cutting grass would be

a good idea.

2. Materialize the market. Consider

what the customer wants by creating a

questionnaire. Is there a need for this

type of service or product? If so, how

much are people willing to pay?

3. Consider the competition. Find

out what other companies with similar

products or services are offering andat what cost. If it is a service, do they

charge a flat rate or by the hour? Then

have your child ask, “How can I dupli-

cate this offering for a little lower than

market rate and still make a profit?”

4. Team up or tread alone. Have

your child decide if he wants to partner

with a peer. If he is involved in a summer

activity it may be best to team up with a

friend who can help carry the workload.

Suggest he find someone who is equally

passionate about this type of business

but possesses a different skill set so they

complement one another. To prevent

problems, detail in writing how respon-

sibilities and profits will be divvied up.

5. Name it and claim it. Choose a

name that clearly states the business

mission and its offering. Consider adding

rhymes, alliterations or catchy phrases

so it can be easily remembered.

6. Advertising agents. Adver-tise without spending a lot of money.

Print flyers and pass them out to fam-

ily, friends and acquaintances. Tack up

posters with take-and-tear tabs that list

services provided and a contact num-

ber. Or create computer-generated busi-

ness cards. Have your child hand out

extra flyers or business cards to current

customers and say, “If you are satisfied

with my services, pass along my name

to friends.”

7. Count the cost. List all of the sup-

plies needed and the cost of each item.

Then do a cost-of-goods sold and break

it down to one unit: How much does it

cost to make one item or provide serviceto one customer? This will help your

child know how to set the price. If your

child has money in his savings account,

suggest that he or she use that to get

the business started. Or lend it with the

agreement of a return payment.

Summertime

and the Living is Entrepreneurial8. Set a precedence. Predetermine

products and services that will be of-

fered and give clients a written descrip-

tion before the work begins to prevent

potential customer dissatisfaction.

When the service is complete, have

your child give the customer a receipt

and keep a duplicate, particularly where

cash versus a check is involved.

9. Embrace good work ethic. Remind

your child that he can earn the respect

of customers by being punctual, depend-

able, honest, respectful, hard working and

following through with commitments.

10. Start with safety. Insist that your

child inform you of his whereabouts at

all times. Stress the importance o

talking with strangers while he is

Review safety rules if he will be wo

with equipment or machinery.

11. Manage the money. Enco

your child to record his expense

come and profits by making a ch

a notebook, using a ledger or crea

spreadsheet. Allow him to spend

of his earnings, but encourage h

reinvest in the business, save a po

and give some to his charity of cho

Denise Morrison Yearian is the former

of two parenting magazines and the m

of three children and four grandchildre

Our ChildreAbout


6/246 ABOUT OUR CHILDREN • JUNE 2016

Englewood Is for KidsbergenPAC: The Performing ArtsSchool Summer Camp1 Depot Square201-482-8194www.bergenPAC.org/summer

Spend the summer doing theater games,music, dance, arts & crafts, and a finalshowcase on the bergenPAC main stage.Here, every child will get to feel like astar. The program is for youngsters from5 to 12 years old.

Blue Moon Mexican Café23 E. Palisade Ave.201-541-0600

www.bluemoonmexicancafe.comBlue Moon Mexican Café is a lot of funfor the little ones. Great Mexican-themedbirthday parties for kids from 1 to 16 yearsold. Our packages start at $13.95 per per-son. The Englewood location has two sep-arate party rooms. On-site parking.

Cassie’s18 S. Dean St.,201-541-6760www.cassiespizzeria.com

Lively Italian restaurant with coal-burn-ing, brick-oven pizzas plus individual orfamily-style pastas and salads. Great chil-dren’s menu.

Dwight-Englewood SummerConnections315 East Palisade Ave.201-227-3144www.d-e.org/summer

Summer Connections engages children

ages 3 through grade 12 in exploratorylearning in areas such as design, STEM,mindfulness, philanthropy, and more.Scholars can also earn Carnegie schoolcredit in math, science, and world lan-guages. Our smallest campers discoverthe joy of learning with the help of a full

day of guided activities by caring and ex-perienced teachers and counselors. Weinvite you to connect to a different com-munity, to your teachers, and to your in-ner passion.

The Elisabeth Morrow SchoolSummer Explorations435 Lydecker St.201-568-5566 [email protected]

The Elisabeth Morrow School SummerExplorations Program offers a host of en-joyable and enriching opportunities foryoungsters that include an Early Child-

hood Program for ages 3 through grade 1,Explorers Camp Workshops for studentsgrades 2 through 6, as well as enrich-ment for students in grades 7 through 9.New this year, the inclusion of i2 CampPrograms, which help to engage middleschool students in STEM topics through

interesting courses such as BuildInteractive Friendly Monster or Stuthe Physics of Photography.

Fusion Academy, EnglewoodParamus Corporate Center95 North State Route 17, Paramus(Will be in permanent Englewoodlocation in summer 2016)201-368-0949www.FusionEnglewood.com

Fusion serves middle and high sstudents who crave a flexible, cuized learning environment. Each room is one-to-one: one student an

teacher, always. This allows us to palize curriculum and teaching forstudent’s individual strengths anding style. We offer rolling admissionflexible scheduling.

435 Lydecker Street, Englewood, NJ 07631201.568.5566 [email protected]

The Elisabeth Morrow School

Summer Programsfor Ages 3 – Grade 9

2016

SUMMEREXPLORATIONS June 27 – August 12, 2016

2016



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Future Soccer Academyat City Sports on 462 Route 4 EastCall Nancy 201-742-3702futuresoccer.org

Future Soccer training camp is held in-doors at the air conditioned City Sportson 4 where every day is perfect weather.The program, designed and overseen byRiza Uku, acclaimed National B licensedcoach, includes staff from the Red Bulls

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Growing Smiles Pediatric Dentistry105 N. Dean St.201-608-5114www.growingsmilesnj.com

We are a state-of-the-art pediatric den-tal practice. Dr. Eytan Chen, our awe-some pediatric dentist, is a graduate ofHarvard Dental School. Our office is alot of fun with iPads and magna tiles toplay with. Dr. Eytan and the entire staffare warm and caring. Both you and yourchildren will be happy you came to Grow-ing Smiles Pediatric Dentistry. Parking iseasy and right in front of our door.

Ice Cream on Grand523 Grand Ave.201-569-5346www.icecreamongrand.ocm

Ice Cream on Grand offers more than 30flavors of homemade super-premium ice

cream, novelties, and ice cream cakes,all made with high-quality kosher ingre-dients.The newly renovated, peanut-freefacility owned by Syed Rizvi is operatedunder Kof-K supervision. There is an out-door seating area and plenty of parking.All cakes can be made with most of thehard ice cream flavors and they special-ize in picture cakes.

IHOP141-147 N. Dean Street

201-568-8088Friendly, family restaurant serving theirworld famous pancakes and a variety ofbreakfast, lunch and dinner items for allages. Receive one free Kids Meal withpurchase of adult entrée Tuesday andFriday from 4 to 10 p.m. purchase. Seestore for details. Delivery available: go towww.chowgofer.com or call 201-944-0005.Open daily 7 a.m. to 10 p.m.

Lakeland Bank 42 N. Dean St.201-569-9693www.lakelandbank.com

Lakeland Bank is a community-orientedbank that provides financial products andservices to local small businesses and con-sumers. Headquartered in Oak Ridge, NJ,the Bank operates 53 New Jersey branchoffices in Bergen, Essex, Morris, Passaic,Somerset, Sussex, Union and Warren coun-ties; five New Jersey regional commerciallending centers in Bernardsville, Mont-

ville, Newton, Teaneck and Wyckoff/Wald-wick; and two commercial loan productionoffices serving Middlesex and Monmouthcounties in New Jersey and the HudsonValley region of New York.

Marcia’s Attic for Kids29 North Dean St.201- 894-5701www.marciasatticforkids.com

We have been outfitting Northern NewJersey’s chicest tots for more than 40

years, specializing in head-to-toe dress-ing from newborn to size 16. For the hip-pest collection of clothing, toys, shoesand accessories, check us out. The storealso carries many one-of-kind, hand-cre-ated items. Celebrities shop here, as wellas generations of Marcia’s moms, whoare now grandmothers. We have a knowl-edgeable sales staff.

Matisse Chocolatier260 Grand Ave.201-568-2288www.getfreshchocolate.com

Great birthday parties that children will

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Milk & Honey11 Grand Ave. 201-871-2111www.milkandhoneybabies.com

Milk & Honey is a luxe one-stop shnew parents featuring a premium tion of high quality nursery furngear, toys, clothes and specialtyproducts. Our collection of must-for baby includes stylish, sophistisafe and eco-friendly items.

The Moriah School53 South Woodland St.201-567-0208www.moriah.org

Moriah’s mission is to deliver an acic program of the highest caliberinstilling a sense of commitment toYisrael, Am Yisrael and Medinat YOur school emphasizes the use of ety of modalities in the classroom ayond to enable each child to realizacademic, religious and personal tial. Graduates leave with deep prtheir Jewish heritage and an apprecfor the role they can play in imprthe world. Serving as “a home awayhome” for children from nursery ththe eighth grade, Moriah has becom

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Our ChildreAbout


8/24

8 ABOUT OUR CHILDREN • JUNE 2016

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Open Weekdays and Sunday

Keeping it Safe and Healthy

During the SummerH E I D I M A E B R A T T

It’s nearly summer and soon

school will be out. The sea-

son’s favorites await: sports,

sun, beach, hiking, camping,

just to name a few of the long-

awaited summer fun activities.

But with the summer comes a

host of seasonal cautions. Of

course, being careful has no

limit on any season, but the

summertime comes with its

own hazards.

About Our Children con-

sulted with Dr. Eric Browner,

who is board certified in Pedi-atrics and Pediatric Emergency

medicine, and an attending

physician at the Valley Hospi-

tal in Ridgewood, for his expert

advice on how to make this

summer a very happy, safe andhealthy one.

AOC: What are the biggest

health hazards — and problems

that you see in the emergency

room — with children during

the summer?Dr. Eric Browner: While

children do present all year

long with traumatic injuries, as

we entered spring and summer

children become more involved

in outdoor activities and we

often see an increase in these

injuries including abrasions,

lacerations, sprains, broken

bones, minor head injuries, and

concussions. During the sum-

mer, however, there are some

injuries and events that are not

commonly seen during the re-

mainder of the year including

increased exposure to insect

bites and stings, swimming re-

lated injuries, sunburns, and

heat related injuries. Another

summer specific reason for

youngsters coming to the emer-

gency department are fireworkrelated injuries, especially on

July 4th.

AOC: What is the best way

to protect your child from skin

injuries from the sun, Poison

Ivy, etc.?

Dr. Eric Browner: A

anything prevention is a

better than treatment an

child who is going to be spe

time outdoors should ha

propriate sunscreen appl

exposed areas of the skin a

as wearing appropriate cl

and hats, including clothin

has SPF/UV protection a

applied. Even sunglasses

appropriate ultraviolet p

tion, are important in prev

short-term and long-term

related skin and eye prob

In regards to poison ivother such plant related s

ritations, keeping children

deep brush and teaching

not to touch plants and fl

they do not know will hel

Our ChildreAbout

260 Grand Ave · Englewood, NJ · 201-568-2288

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vent these injuries. Proper lawn care and

maintenance can also prevent the growth

of these irritating plants.

AOC: What is the best way to protect

your child from dangerous bug bites?

Dr. Browner: Again we always say

that prevention is better than treatment

and there are many ways to protect one-

self from dangerous bug bites. Some the

most dangerous bug bites in the worldare actually mosquito bites and there is

a lot of concern about diseases that mos-

quitoes may carry in the world today.

One of the most important ways that any

family can prevent mosquito exposure

is by ensuring that there is no stagnant

water on their land, or near where their

children play, as this is where mosqui-

toes breed. Other ways to prevent dan-

gerous bug bites would be wearing prop-

er clothing, especially when going hiking

in the woods as well as the application of

appropriate insect repellent sprays and

lotions. The insect repellent treatments

should also be applied to shoes includ-

ing and not just the skin. Clothing that

has been pre-treated with repellents arealso available and may provide longer

protection.

AOC: What about other safety mea-

sures such as injuries from falls follow-

ing outdoor play or other sports?

Dr. Browner: Children are going to

play and need to play, and with playing

and activities come falling and unfortu-

nately injuries will occur. Those being

said, however, there are some important

prevention measures that can be applied.

If the child is participating in any sports

they should be wearing the appropriate

safety equipment for that sport. The

same goes for bike riding, anyone on abicycle should be wearing a helmet no

matter how old they are. In fact, parents

and caregivers role-modeling proper

safety techniques and practices is an im-

portant way to help children understand

the need and use for bike helmets. If the

child is going to be using a scooter, roll-

er skates, rollerblades, or other similar

equipment patient also be wearing wrist,

elbow, and kneepads.

AOC: What is the best way to prac-

tice swim and water safety?

Dr. Browner: There are many things

that can be done to help children learn

and practice proper water safety. One

very important method to teach a child

proper pool and water safety is enrollingthe child in swim lessons. The will not

only learn how to swim but also how to

respect the water. Other things that can

and should be done are keeping a watch-

ful eye on children whenever they are in

a pool. In fact, if a child is having a party

at a pool, hiring a lifeguard(s) who is/are

constantly watching the water and the

children is very important and could be

life saving. All pools should have proper

fences and gates around them and doors

that open directly to a pool area from a

house should have an alarm. Children

who are not fully able to swim on their

own should be wearing a flotation de-vice or lifejacket whenever they are in

the water.

AOC: Is there a good general pro-

tocol a parent should follow to ensure

summer safety?

Dr. Browner: Following the advice

given above as well as participating

in any sports or activity when follow-

ing their proper safety protocols and

requirements are great ways to ensure

summer safety. Very important activities

that any family should be very careful

about allowing their children to partici-

pate in or use are fireworks and spar-

klers especially around July 4. These

have the potential to be very dangerous

and cause significant short-term andlong-term injuries.

AOC: When is it appropriate for a

parent to bring their child to the emer-

gency room for treatment?

Dr. Browner: Any child with a sig-

nificant injury should be evaluate

physician in the emergency depart

If the child has an open cut, has in

an extremity, is not acting no

or having changes in behavior, o

family is just concerned are app

ate reasons to come to the emer

department.

AOC: Anything else you’d l

share?Dr. Browner: One final area t

very important to discuss regards

over the summer. The single best

to prevent your child from having

nificant illness is getting them vac

ed along the proper vaccine sch

As families travel over the summer

are larger gatherings of people and

is the risk of being exposed to va

preventable diseases that have s

cant morbidity and mortality. In th

few summers there have been s

outbreaks of vaccine preventabl

eases at vacation destinations. Va

are the single most important w

prevent a child from getting pote

life-threatening illness and vaccinsafe. As was said above and rep

many times, prevention is always

than treatment.

Heidi Mae Bratt is the editor of About

Our Children.

Our ChildreAbout


10/24


Oh, You, Beautiful (American Girl) DolE D S I L B E R F A R B

It all began with a knock on the door. It

was the two pre-teen sisters from the

next floor apartment each carrying a

laundry bag.

“We thought your granddaughter

might like these things,” they said.

“These things” were doll clothes and

doll accessories: dresses, skirts, formal

gowns, gym shorts, swimsuits, hats, rib-

bons, necklaces, and on and on as the

contents of each laundry bag came spill-

ing out.

But where are the dolls? Ah, a minor

omission. All the paraphernalia was to

support a culture pattern, the “AmericanGirl Doll.” The doll itself was available at

a chic store on a glitzy stretch of Fifth

Avenue near Cartier, Tiffany, Bergdorf

Goodman, and Saks.

“Devorah will be thrilled,” says Sha-

ron good wife, who is delighted with

the prospect of introducing our grand-

daughter to the world of luxury dolls.

“What about the old fashioned rag

doll,” I wonder naively, “sewn together

from a piece of quilt, a balled-up sock

and buttons for eyes?”

“That’s all very quaint,” says Sharon,

“but the American Girl Doll is an exciting

adventure of a different sort.”

We visit the store. There milling

about are the girls with their mothers,

grandmothers and a few painfully toler-

ant fathers. They are checking out the

dolls, each of which has its own iden-

tity, personality and ethnicity. I learn notonly can a girl buy a doll if she has the

means, but she can also bring her own

doll in for a hair-do, and, if sick or in-

jured, treatment by the doll doctor. The

doll can join her for afternoon tea, sitting

at the table with her on a special chair

with tiny teacup and saucer.

“Wow!” is my reaction. “Now I know

why Rome fell.”

But Sharon is quite taken with this

return to childhood, and sees no reason

why a kid can’t pretend while still young

enough to enjoy it.

And so Devorah becomes part of the

American Girl Doll mystique. There’s no

problem deciding on birthday presents

for her. Soon she has two genuine Amer-

ican Girl dolls and a third, which is an

identical imitation made in China. One

doll is a Jewish immigrant from the early

1900’s. Another is Mexican and a third isan Eskimo.

We all become involved. I do my part

by fashioning little hangers for the dolls’

clothes. The piece de resistance is a

luxurious brass doll bed from Dev

uncle.

It’s fortunate that Devorah ha

own room to accommodate thes

ations because there is another

of make-believe that must shar

space — Devorah’s dollhouse an

miniature occupants. Besides try

earn money to buy American Gi

items, Devorah is also searching

stantly for additions to her dollho

tiny furniture and other Lilliputian

accouterments.

Other worthy dolls have bee

of Devorah’s life — Barbie and

Pocket — but they never comm

the attention, as have her AmGirl collection and the residents

dollhouse.

Flash forward ten years. De

now 17 prepares for high school g

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ation and a year with a seminary in Is-

rael. Her cousin, Alina, will soon have

her eighth birthday. There is no ques-

tion about the birthday party. It must

be at the American Girl place with a few

friends and her doll, a blue-eyed blond,which has already been outfitted with

gym clothes to change occasionally

from her day-to-day dress. She also has a

pair of glasses that actually magnify and

a pair of tiny earrings.

For the birthday, Sharon scours the

catalogues for the perfect present, but

also at a reduced price. She thinks she

has found it — a pair of pretty red and

white, flowered matching dresses, one

for the girl and one for the doll at an irre-

sistible 40 percent off the original price.

Alina is delighted and, of course, she and

the doll wear their matching outfits at

the party.

The guests arrive, each with a doll,

and take their place at the table. One girldoesn’t bring a doll, but she borrows

one from the store. They choose food

from the luncheon menus and select an

exotic purple drink, all of which have

been approved by the dolls. Then out

comes the cake, and a round of “Happybirthday, Alina.” If one listens carefully

one can hear the soft doll voices joining

the chorus.

Back home, Alina, at age eight, has

almost outgrown her little bed. The re-

placement is not only larger, but is also

an exciting loft bed. How lucky! Alina can

sleep on the top and her doll down be-

low. Life goes on and the doll is an active

participant.But what about Kira, Alina’s four-

year-old cousin? Surely the doll parade

won’t pass her by. Contributions came

from all directions. Alina donated a “talk-

ing doll,” one that had something to say

when a button on her belly was pushed.

Kira may be too young for the sophis-

ticated American Girl Doll, but one is

waiting for her when she gets older. Her

grandmother won it in a raffle.

And her great grandmother was not

to be outdone. She knew Sharon and I

would be traveling in Sicily on vacation,

so she commissioned us to buy an eth-

nic Sicilian doll for Kira. What seemed

to be a simple assignment proved to be

a daunting challenge. Souvenir shopsfrom Siracusa to Palermo had nothing

that came close. Apparently doll-making

is a lost craft.

We almost gave up, but in the town

of Taormina, swarming with tour

view of Mount Etna, was a shop

the owner had bought the rem

dolls from a craftsman’s final

There it was. About a foot high, a

Sicilian lady in a peasant skirt, blouse and red kerchief, holding a

jug, and with a perky expressio

credit card accepted, but we com

the deal after a tiring search for an

machine.

And so, from the unexpected

on the door that produced piles o

clothes, to the culture shock o

American Girl Doll, to the final

phant search for the Sicilian peas

stretch of almost 15 years, I lost m

nocence and became a full citizen

world of dolls.

Ed Silberfarb was a reporter for the Be

Record in New Jersey, then the New Yo

Herald Tribune where he was City Hal

bureau chief. Later, he was a public in

mation officer for the New York City Tr

Authority and editor of one of its empl

publications.

Devorah and her dolls.

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When You Give,You Get Even More Sometimes

E M U N A B R A V E R M A N

The real way to cement a connec-

tion is to give. We usually think of

this in terms of the parent-child

relationship. Due to the one-way nature

of the giving, parents love their children

much more than children love their par-

ents. But this idea can also be applied

when there is a relationship you would

like to fix, someone you would live to feel

closer to. Just start giving to them.

And this fascinating principle

doesn’t only apply to relationships. It

applies to everything in life and can

be used to deepen our connection not

just to people but to our jobs as well. It

doesn’t matter if it’s the most objectivelymeaningful job or not, the most intellec-

tually stimulating job or not, your dream

job or not; if you give, you will care.

I learned this idea from my plumber.

Now I know you can make a good living

as a plumber (some say it’sbetter than a doctor these

days!) and I’m certainly

grateful to have a plumber

available at those moments

when we need one, but I

wouldn’t have thought it to

be a very interesting or ex-

citing job. I learned other-

wise — or at least I learned

to see it through my plumb-

er’s eyes.

We had a problem with

some clogged pipes that

seemed due to tree roots. The plumber

had a special camera that could snake

through the pipes and take a film of the

situation, thereby determining how farthe roots had extended into our plumb-

ing and what kind of repairs were re-

quired. I wanted to know the bottom line

answer, but my plumber wanted to show

me the actual video of our pipes. I really

didn’t want to watch. I hada lot to do but he was very

insistent. And very excited!

He loved looking at the

film and the roots and the

pipes and figuring out a solu-

tion to the problem. I didn’t

love the film (maybe pop-

corn would have helped) but

I loved his enthusiasm. And

since I doubt he dreamed

of being a plumber from a

young age, I think it was an

example of “you give, you

care.” He invested in this job and he grew

to love it.

At the other end of the spectrum,

my husband and I attended a “ScentFair” last week. It was, as you imagine,

a perfume exhibit and sale, with the ac-

tual perfumers being the ones exhibiting

and explaining their wares. It was the

explaining that spoke to us and to this

point. A woman from Barcelonainto great detail describing the co

tion of each scent to the smells

water and the landscapes of her

town. A man from England talked

relationship between the perfum

created and the emotions they ev

And so it went. Who knew there w

much to say about perfumes? Bu

had invested in this field and the

thusiasm was contagious.

This is not just something int

ing to observe. This is an oppor

for all of us. Whether we love a cu

project or not, our present job o

our chosen field or not, we can co

love it and even feel passionately

it. We are not doomed or trappour present emotions. If we will

give, if we really invest, we will co

care — about anything. And that m

the whole world is really open to u

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D E N I S E M O R R I S O N Y E A R I A N

F ather’s Day is a special

day set aside to celebrate

dads and other male role

models in your children’slives. This year, Father’s Day

falls on June 19. Rather than

spending a fortune on gad-

gets and gizmos that break

or collect dust, why not try a

creative approach to gift giving?

Following is a list of five no-cost

ways to show Dad the appreciation and

love he deserves.

1. “This is your life.”

Make Dad feel honored with a special

presentation of “This is your Life.”

Stage the show as if it were a television

special. Have one person be the show

host who interviews other family mem-

bers regarding what they love aboutDad. They may also want to share a

story or memory they have of him.

Between interviews, prepare a spe-

cial song, poem or other talent in his

honor. Ask Mom to videotape the pro-

gram and your father

will have a keepsake for

years to come.

2. At your service.

The gift of service issomething that keeps

on giving. Talk with fam-

ily members about the

simple chores your father

does around the house.

On small strips of paper write down each

job he does, and on the other side write

the name of one family member who will

volunteer to do that chore for him. Tasks

could include cutting the yard, weeding

the flowerbeds, washing the car, shining

his shoes, etc. Continue this until you

have covered all of his responsibilities.

Find an old shoe box, place the strips of

paper in it and wrap it up. Present this to

Dad and in the days to come give him ser-

vice with a smile.

3. A family tree.

Show Dad what a special part of your

family he is by creating a family tree.

Find a short tree branch and place it in

a decorated can. Stabilize the branch

with sand, clay or plaster. Next cut out

large leaf shapes from construction pa-

per. Write the names of family members

on one side of the leaves and tape or

paste photographs of them to the oth-er side. (Don’t forget your pets.) If you

don’t have a picture of someone, draw

it. Punch a hole through the top of each

leaf and thread a piece of yarn through it.

Now tie the leaves to the tree branches.

4. King for the day.

A day of relaxation and royalty will

make Dad feel extra special. When he

wakes up, greet him with a homemade

crown and tell him he will be king for

the day. Serve his favorite breakfast in

bed and ask what he would like to do

today. If he needs a little prompting,

suggest a family hike in the morning, a

picnic in the park for lunch and a nap in

the afternoon. While he is having downtime, wash his car and ask Mom to fill it

up with gas. Make the evening special

with a steak and potato dinner and a

special dessert, followed by his favor-

ite movie. Throughout the day, remind

him of how much you love and ap

ate him.

5. A day off.

Many fathers have little time for

selves. If this is the case, give Daday off to play golf, go fishing or

some time out with his buds. Whil

gone, prepare a special “Best Dad

World” banner for his arrival home

Still want to purchase someth

Father’s Day? Here are a few trie

true ideas: flowers, shrubs or a t

plant in the yard; season pass to

seum or science center; members

a health club; tickets to a sporting

gift certificate to his favorite resta

home improvement store or garde

ter; magazine subscription; golf ge

weekend; themed gift basket with

of personal interest—fishing, fo

golf or the movies; barbeque ut

computer software. Whatever yocide on, make sure it’s somethin

suits Dad’s personal taste.

Denise Morrison Yearian is the former

of two parenting magazines and the m

of three children and four grandchildre

Some Creative Ways to Treat Dad on his Day


14/2414 ABOUT OUR CHILDREN • JUNE 2016

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READERS’ C HOIC E

2015

A D I N A S O C L O F

More children seem to be more

anxious then ever. Mental health

professionals have cited many

reasons: a decrease in play, hovering,

anxious parents, breakdown of the tradi-

tional family, social media, an overabun-

dance of choices and the fast pace of our

modern world.

Whatever the reason, children are

stressed out and it can be tough for par-

ents to manage and help their child over-

come their big worries like family dis-

cord, separation anxiety, terrorism, “badguys” or monsters under the bed. Teens

fret about not doing well in school, not

getting into college, or not fitting in.

How can we help our kids stop wor-

rying? Here are 5 simple stress busters

that work:

1. Teach them what stress is:

Children often don’t know that the phys-

ical symptoms that they’re experiencing

are due to their worries. In order to deal

with stress you need to be able to recog-

nize that you are under stress. Our bod-

ies are created in such a way that they

signal to us that we are tense and under

pressure. We need to interpret the signs.When we worry, our breath and

heart rate increases and we feel like we

have butterflies in our stomach. Depend-

ing on our level of stress, our faces turn

red, our muscles tense and our body

feels hot. Children can have a hard time

understanding something inside the

body that cannot be seen or touched. It

can be helpful to have your child run in

place for 30 to 60 seconds and then ask

them to think about how his or her body

feels in terms of the body signals. You

can then discuss how your body feels

similarly under stress.

2. Your mind is under attack:

Your body is not the only part of yousending warnings. Your thoughts are

also being assaulted. Stress can be a re-

sult or exacerbated by negative thought

patterns. Children, teens and even

adults, will find that if they examine their

thinking when worried, their thoughts

sound something like this:

“I can’t do it!”

“It will be awful!”

“I’m so stupid!”

“I hate doing homework!”

“My friends will just ignore me!”

“I am dumb!”

“I can’t do anything right!”

“I give up!”

We can teach children to re

their negative thoughts with more

tive ones:

“Take it easy”

“Stay cool”

“Chill out”

“Take some deep breaths”

“I’m getting tense so I need to relax

“I’m going to be okay”“It’s okay if I’m not good at this”

“I’m sad that she doesn’t want to h

out with me, but other people

me”

“I’ll just try my hardest”

3. Think good and it will be goo

Children will benefit from learnin

connection between thoughts, fe

and behaviors. For example:

Unhelpful thought: He is so unfair

me=Negative Feelings: Anger =

helpful Behavior=Yelling and c

namesHelpful thought: He is usually a go

friend=Positive Feelings=Happ

Helpful Behavior= Talk out a

disagreement

Unhelpful thought: I always screw

math=Negative Feelings=Sadne

Unhelpful Behavior=Don’t try w

math

Helpful thought: I’ll try my best

with my math=Positive

Feelings=Confidence=Helpful

Behavior=Good effort with ma

We can help children move throug

their difficulties by gently ques

ing their attitudes and moving

through their worries.

Here is an example of how th

work:

“I can’t read! I am stupid!”

Are you thinking unhelpful though

“Yes, I am thinking I am stupid!”

Are these thoughts going to help y

“No, it makes me feel like giving up

What is a different and more helpfu

way I can think?

“I can do this. I can ask for help or

of a better strategy to do this.”

Don’t Worry,Be Happy

Five Simple Stress Busters for Childre

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4. Develop healthy habits:

To help decrease worrying over all it is helpful to devel-

op a healthy lifestyle. Try to build into your family life

regular exercise, good sleeping habits, a healthy social

life, and regular routines. Those are the fundamentals

that help life go smoothly.

5. Get help:

If you feel like your child’s worries are affecting their ev-

eryday functioning, reach out to a professional. Healthy

families get help when they need it.

References:

Bloomquist, M. (2013) Skills Training for StrugglingKids. Guilford Press. NY

Adina Soclof, is the Director of Parent Outreach for A+

Solutions, facilitating “How to Talk so Kids will Listen

and Listen so Kids will Talk” workshops as well as work-

shops based on “Siblings Without Rivalry.” She runs

ParentingSimply.com. Visit her at www.parentingsimply.com.

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16/24


Helping Your Child or Teen

Cope with Test AnxietyA R I E . F O X

There is a four-letter word, often

heard in school. This word can

elicit fear, even panic for some stu-

dents. That word? TEST.

Most people feel at least a little

nervous before an exam. A low level of

anxiety can actually be helpful, as it can

provide motivation and energy during

the test. The problem is when the anxi-

ety becomes so intense that it interferes

with concentration or performance.

When this happens, the student may

zone out or freeze up on the day of the

test and have trouble answering ques-

tions he or she actually knows. For someindividuals, tests can even bring about

physical symptoms.

What is Test Anxiety?Test anxiety is a type of performance

anxiety. In performance anxiety, one

feels pressure to do well. Examples of

performance anxiety include waiting to

go onstage in a play, going to a job in-

terview or making a class presentation.

Test anxiety, like other performance anx-

iety can induce:

• “butterflies”

• shakiness

• sweating

• rapid heart beat

• nausea

• headaches

What Causes Test Anxiety?Like other forms of anxiety, test anxi-

ety is an effect of anticipating a stress-

ful outcome. When one is under greatstress, the body releases the hormone

adrenaline (an adaptive mechanism that

prepares us for danger. This is known as

the fight of flight response). The release

of adrenaline causes many of the physi-

cal symptoms described above. Focus-

ing on negative outcomes can also con-

tribute to test anxiety. One can become

flooded with thoughts like:

• What if I mess up?

• What if the test is too hard?

• What if I forget what I studied?

• What if people notice how nervous

I am?

There are essentially four main

sources of test anxiety:

How will others view me?How will the test outcome affect my own

self-image?

• How will the test affect my future?

• Am I prepared for the test?

Tips to Help Students Copewith Test Anxiety1. Be Prepared

The more confident your child is going

into an exam, the less severe the test

anxiety is likely to be. Encourage your

child to familiarize himself or herself

with the test format (what kinds of ques-

tions, how much time is allotted, etc).

Organize the notes from the class. Make

flashcards and create mnemonics to

help with memorizing key concepts and

terms. Set a schedule to help determine

how much time is needed to study. Cram-

ming the night before a test can intensify

anxiety and is often ineffective. Getting agood night’s sleep and a hearty meal are

important aspects of test preparation.

2. Think Positively

Be aware of negative thinking both be-

fore and during the test. Challenge the

negative thoughts with positive state-

ments. For example, if your child is

thinking, “There is no way I will do well

on this test,” he or she could counter

with “I studied hard. I know the informa-

tion. I am going to try my best and will

do as well as I can.” Positive thinking can

go a long way.

3. Take Some Pressure Off

I often tell children with whom I work

that it is physically impossible for them

to “do better than their best.” What Imean by this is that students often feel

like they have to achieve the impossible.

It is as if they have to move a mountain

or run a 2-minute mile. This can feel

overwhelming and can cause children

to freeze or even give up. Children who

experience test anxiety need realistic

expectations, while being encouraged to

put in their best effort. Without minimiz-

ing the importance of the test to your

child, you can also provide comfort in

the fact that the test likely not make or

break the rest of their lives. Focus

the process (i.e. the effort) rathe

the outcome can help put things i

spective for you and your child.

4. Practice Relaxation Exercise

Develop relaxation strategies to

your child feel calmer before and

ing the test. Breathing slowly and

ly through the nostrils and ex

through the mouth helps to slow

rate and normalize breathing. I r

mend having your child practic

regularly when they are in a re

state, so they will have it ready as

come test time. Tensing and relaxi

muscles from the top of the body

is another way to ease tension. students like to squeeze a stress b

other small object. Remind your c

the strategies prior to the exam.

students find it helpful to write

their feelings prior to an exam. Ac

several studies have shown that w

for 8 minutes before a test can pu

dents who worry on par with thos

do not.

5. Strategies During the Test

If the material seems unfamiliar o

struggle at the start, find a questio

can handle and then start there to

confidence.

• Take breaks to recharge.

• Take a few deep breaths.• Take a drink of water.

• Close your eyes for a momen

envision a calming scene.

• Try to think positively: R

yourself that you prepared a

doing your best.

• Think of a reward you wil

yourself after the test: a tr

movie or something else to

forward to when you are don

Like any other skill, learning to

age test anxiety takes practice an

tience. It is important for you the p

to address the problem as early a

sible, because it is likely to get wors

time without intervention. Ratheravoiding the unpleasant thought

feelings associated with test taking

child will benefit from working wit

to develop the tools and support sy

that will help them in the long term

Ari Fox is a child, adolescent and youn

adult psychotherapist in New York City

practice, Cope With School NYC, helps

viduals with a wide range of issues and

cializes in school functioning. To learn

www.copewithschool.com

Our ChildreAbout


17/24ABOUT OUR CHILDREN • MAY 20

International Chess Academy

Tel: 201-833-1741 / 201-797-0330 • www.icanj.net • [email protected]

Celebrating Twenty Years (1996-2016)Scholastic Summer Camp Program

Ilya Krasnovsky4th Year Princeton

(15 years with ICA)

Natasha Komarov, PHDDartmouth University, Math Professor

St. Lawrence (10 Years with ICA)

Mark Aksen2nd Year Princeton

(11 years with ICA)

Max Yelsky4th Year Johns Hopkins University

(12 Years with the ICA)

Alex Katz1st year MIT

(14 years with ICA)

Mark VayngribMIT Grad; Sofware Engineer

(8 years with ICA)

• Open to kids from ages 6 to 16• We promise a 5:1 student – teacher ratio• Prizes and trophies for tournaments and competitions• Camp T-shirts• Our goal is to foster an environment of learning and fun

Sample Schedule

Lessons: 9:00 - 11:00 am

Sports: 11:00 - 12:30 pm

Lunch: 12:30 - 1:00 pm

Tournament: 1:00 - 3:00 pm

Full Day (Music/Art): 3:00 - 5:00 pm

For information call /email:

201-287-0250 /[email protected]

Full day also includes:Creative art projects, Guitar, Piano and Drum lessons

Online registration is available at

www.ica.jumbula.com/#/ica_camps

Special education uniquely integrated within Jewish Day Schoo

• Individualization • Educational excellence

• Meeting each child’s academic, social, and emotional needs

Elementary Schools n High Schools n Adult Services

www.sinaischools.org/js • 201-345-1974

YOUR CHILD needs special education.

You want her to have a Jewish education.

You want him to be included.

INCLUSION by

DESIGNS ERVING C HILDREN WITH A BROAD R ANGE OF S PECIAL N EEDS

The Very Specialness of Specialty CampH E I D I M A E B R A T T

F rom intense soccer training to play-

ing chess like a champ to dancing

your ballerina best, or expressingyourself through art, specialty camps fill a

niche for those campers who have a pas-

sion, or a special interest, or a few weeks

during the to explore something different.

If you’re really serious about soc-

cer, Future Soccer Academy is offering a

seven-week program starting July 11 at

its Englewood location. Founded in 2009,

Future Soccer Academy is a highly com-

petitive soccer club. In less than seven

years, Future Soccer Academy has pro-

duced teams that compete in the high-

est-level leagues. Future Soccer Acad-

emy teams have captured first place in

numerous high-level college show case

tournaments.

The camp program is custom de-signed by club founder Riza Uku, a

highly acclaimed National B licensed

coach who oversees the daily operation.

In addition, coaches from the Red Bulls

Academy will be on staff to bring train-

ing techniques to our campers.

There’s another plus, since Future

Soccer Academy is help in an air-con-

ditioned, indoor facility, the weather isalways perfect.

If capturing chess titles and exercis-

ing the mind through the skill and strat-

egy of this thoughtful game is your thing,

then you can check out International

Chess Academy.

Open to youngsters 6 to 16, campers

are giving a 5 to 1 student, teacher ratio,

prizes and trophies for tournaments and

competitions. The goal is to foster an

environment of learning and fun. A full

day of camp also includes creative arts

projects, guitar, piano and drum lessons.

At the summer program at Cresskill

Performing Arts in Cresskill, there is

even more performing arts for the sum-

mer is on tap, where according to ownerBetsy Daly, the camp has added another

studio to its space but sticks to a policy

of an intimate group size of 12 campers

for individualized attention. Cresskill,

she notes, is also an official camp for

special needs campers, as well.

Also new this year at Cresskill Per-

forming Arts, says Ms. Daly, is a second

week of modern/ballet intensive danc-ing — there is a week in July and a week in

August. Camp this year will offer its array

of courses from dance, acting, art, fenc-

ing, stage combat, circus arts and the new

gymnastics/jazz program. Cresskill also

offers evening classes in modern and bal-

let dance for dancers who may be doing

something else during the day, but want

to continue studying dance.

At The Camp at Teaneck Creek, chil-

dren entering grades one through seven

can partake in arts and science pro-

grams, which includes courses such as

aviation/fabulous flying machines, mak-

ing magic, fairy tale trials — out of the

woods and into the courtroom, and na-

ture and discovery at the Puffin and theTeaneck Creek.

High Exposure Rock Climbing and

Parkour in Northvale is offering a sur-

vival camp for indoor and outdoor ad-

venture, including tree climbing

climbing and other elements of su

from June 25 through Aug. 12. La

the summer, High Exposure will o

American Ninja Warrior Camp thfeature stars of the popular tele

show, including Joe Moravsky, sai

Exposure owner Stephanie Shultz.

Calling all actors and musician

its 8th summer season and the fi

its new Teaneck home, Black Box

Musical Theater Intensive at Blac

Studios will offer its camp from Ju

to July 22 for teens 13 to 19 year

This season’s musical producti

“Sweeney Todd: The Demon Bar

Fleet Street,” says Matt Okin, the

tic director of Black Box and the s

director.

Okin has said that many o

youngsters are serious about w

in the theater and becoming thprofessionals.

Heidi Mae Bratt is the editor of About

Children.

Our ChildreAbout



A R T Lessons

Art of Excellence StudioClasses in Drawing and Watercolor · Structured Lessons

Summer Specials

Themed Art Camp: Under the Sea • August 15-19

Artist, Rina Goldhagen 201-248-4779

www.artofexcellencestudio.com

Sign up for 4 beginner drawing lessons

and get 1 additional lesson free!

NEW

STUDENTS

ONLY

A V I G A I L R O S E N B E R G

In the 10 years of Michael L.’s marriage, his wife had

accused him drug peddling, refused to attend thera-

py, and claimed that he was the one with psycholog-

ical issues. When the situation deteriorated to the point

where she became physically abusive, he walked out.

Yet three years later, his ex-wife hasn’t let up, report-

ing him as violent towards their children to the police,

while he’s left struggling to prove his innocence and

combat the poison she feeds the children about him.

Danny S.’s ex left him over religious reasons, yet

he’s still a devoted dad to his three boys — when he’s

able to see them. More often than not, his ex will can-

cel visitations at the last minute, upending his weekend

plans. When he tries to complain, she sweetly turns thetables, claiming the boys didn’t want to see him any-

way and he doesn’t deserve to see them either. Because

the child support he pays eats up most of his salary, he

can’t afford to take her to court over every infraction,

so he just counts his blessings when visitations work

Children and Divorce:

Do’s and Don’ts for Single Dads

out. And when they don’t, he’s helpless, angry, andafraid of her wrath.

Ben W. is a dedicated single father whose wife

walked out on him when their daughter was six months

old. He spent a year in court gaining the rights to see

her, and now has regular visitation and a loving rela-

tionship with his five-year-old, despite her mother’s at-

tempts at interference. Self-employed, he devotes two

afternoons a week to his daughter’s care, as well as ev-

ery other weekend. Yet his social life is curtailed and

his dating prospects minimal, since his life is wrapped

around a preschooler’s.

In today’s society, single moms usually tri-

umph — they’re often the ones holding the cards when

a family dissolves. It’s not easy to manage on the home

front single-handedly, but the resources are plentiful,

and divorced moms often succeed in holding down ajob and raising the children, even on their own.

But what about the single dad? Cut off from family

life, cash-strapped, and occasionally pushed around by

nasty exes, they may struggle to find their footing in the

aftermath of divorce.

Can a single father maintain his relationship with

his children, hold onto his self-worth, and persevere in

the face of the many challenges ahead? He can, but only

if he knows how to go about it.

Here are some do’s and don’ts for the divorced dad:

Recognize your role.Don’t abandon your children, even if they don’t live

with you anymore. All children crave regular contact

with their father, whether through phone calls, e-mails,

or texts. Weekend visits are important, but don’t limityour contact with your children to those visits. Let

them know you care. Trust me, they’ll thank you for it.

Seek help when necessary.As a group, women are often able to acknowledge that

they can’t do it all and reach out for help, whether from

family, friends, or community. Not so men, who prefer

to put up a macho front and go it alone. If you’re a single

dad, you may need help with meal planning, parenting

advice, or laundry knowhow. Pick up that phone and

call someone. Don’t try to do it all, especially at the ex-

pense of your kids’ comfort and safety.

Money isn’t a weapon.Don’t withhold child support in order to punish

ex. It’ll end up filtering down to the children, wh

realize they can’t trust you. Retaliation is temptin

it’s not the goal: healthy children are. Likewise,

badmouth. Your children may hear a lot of neg

about you, but if you take the high road and r

from returning the favor, they’ll ultimately realize

parent they can trust and which they can’t.

Treats yes, free reign no.Children need structure and stability in order to t

even if they’re in your house only once a week. C

routines for them during the times they’re with

dinner, bath time, and bedtime at predictable tim

make your time together much more manageablethem a bit by buying special treats or renting a m

but don’t overdo it and return them to their mom

high and sleep deprived.

Make the minutes count.Take the time to get to know your children when t

with you. Ask them about their day, find out abou

friends and activities, plan outings and play gam

gether. Turn off your phone and focus on them s

know you really care.

Don’t restart till you’re ready.It may be tempting to turn your back on your pas

tionship and move right into the next one. Don’t

Statistics show that 80 percent of divorced men r

ry the same type of woman they married the firstleading to a similarly unhappy marriage or a seco

vorce. Before you start dating again, process wha

wrong in your first marriage and own your part

story. Your future family will only gain.

Let go of the baggage.If you find your dating always seems to end at the

point, it’s a sign that you’re stuck somewhere

process. Most of us find it hard to be objective

our own role in a failed relationship. If necessar

a professional who can help you let go of the ba

and move on.

Don’t lose hope.Always look for the light, no matter how bleak you

ation is. Use your time alone to grow as a perso

a father, and most of all as a future partner. If ythe internal work necessary, you’ll start off you

relationship on firmer ground, and you — and

kids — will be better off.

Single dads may not find it easy, but they ca

themselves of past heartache and rebuild their

with a new partner or without. Hard as it may be,

be glad they did.

Avigail Rosenberg is the editor of the recently released

“Healing from the Break: Stories, Inspiration, and Guid

for Anyone Touched by Divorce” (Menucha Publishers)

the creator of www.HealingfromtheBreak.com, a divorc

resource for single parents and others.

Our ChildreAbout


19/24ABOUT OUR CHILDREN • MAY 20

Once Upon a Time • Creative Legos

studio-info@cresskillperformingarts.comwww.cresskillperformingarts.com

201-390-7513 · 201-266-8830

D

a n c e • A c t i n g • M u s i c a l T h e a t e r • V o

i c e • C h o r e o g r a p h y •

300 Knickerbocker Rd · Cresskill

Register now for ourSummer Camp Programs

Fall registration is openCall today. Space is limited.

CP A

BORN TOPERFORMAges 3-Teens,

Weekly ProgramsJune 27 - August 26

MODERN/ BALLET

INTENSIVEPreteen/Teen,

Weeks of July 18and August 15

SILKS &HAMMOCKS

CLASSESwith Ms. Laura

(of Fuerza Brutain NYC)

READEC HOIC

2015

Convenient Morning, Evening & Sunday H

Richard S. Gertler, DMD, FA

Michelle Bloch, DDSAri Frohlich, DMD

100 State Street · Teaneck, NJ

201.837.3000www.teaneckdentist.com

A Reason to Smil

TEANECK DENTIS

Visit us on Faceboo

A HAPPY FAMILY HAS

HEALTHY TEETH

We put the Careinto Dental Care!

Our ChildreAbout

Honorable Menschen

When a Tween’s Fashion Means

Freedom for Those WithoutH E I D I M A E B R A T T

If clothes make the man, perhaps clothes can free the

man.

That’s the creative idea of two Teaneck young-

sters, Hannah Mathilda Weisz, nearly 10, and her broth-

er, Emmett Weisz, 11.

Hannah Mathilda, with the help of Emmett, recently

launched a website, fashionfreedom.org, dedicated to

raising money by selling gently used clothing for Free

the Slaves, an organization with a mission to eradicate

global slavery.

If that sounds like pretty heavy stuff for the tween

duo, both of whom attend Solomon Schechter Day

School of Bergen County, consider that their mother is

Rabbi Debra Orenstein, the rabbi of Congregation B’nai

Israel in Emerson, and a strong supporter of Free the

Slaves, a secular organization with a wide network offaith-based groups.

In her championing of Free the Slaves, Rabbi Oren-

stein has conceived of “Next Year Free!,” a curriculum

designed to be used to prepare and lead a Passover

seder, which Free the Slaves offers online.

While Rabbi Orenstein is a prime mover of this mis-

sion in her family’s home, and in her wider religious

circles, she is quick to credit her daughter with coming

up with the idea of selling the clothes she’s outgrown to

help raise money for Free the Slaves.

“It was all my daughter’s idea,” says Rabbi Oren-

stein. “But my son stepped in to help her design the

website,” which went live around Passover. “I have to

say that I originally started off as her web master, butEmmett quickly replaced me. They 100 percent own

this.”

The website, which features photographs and vid-

eos taken by their professional photographer father,

Craig Weisz, shows Hannah Mathilda in an array of out-

fits that she’s ready to part with to help the cause that

she also champions.

“Wear good things. Do great things,” is the motto

that she’s devised for fashionfreedom. Hannah Mathil-

da also has written all the descriptions on the website,

and acts as model for the fashions, many purchased

from her favorite stores, Target and Payless Shoes. The

website also features an interview that Hannah Mathil-

da conducted with Free the Slaves executive director,

Maurice Middleberg.

As for Emmett’s take: “Hannah is super-fashionable

and the clothes are great.”The pair said they have gotten much of praise and

“Mazel Tovs” for their effort, which they really appreci-

ate. But what they really want is for visitors to the site

to buy the clothing so they could start to make a dent in

their fundraising effort. Visitors also can make a dona-

tion to the cause without buying the clothing.

“I’m very proud to see how they are working to-

gether,” says Rabbi Orenstein, who adds that her chil-

dren typically get along very well.

“But with this cause in common,” she says, “they’ve

become partners.”

Heidi Mae Bratt is the editor of About Our Children.

Emmett his sister Hannah Mathilda Weisz hold a poster for “Jews Freeing Slaves.”


20/24

OurChildreAbout

TopChoicesJ U N E 2 0 1 6

C O M P I L E D B Y H E I D I M A E B R A T T

ABOUT OUR CHILDREN • JUNE 201620

Museum Mile FestivalArt, Culture, TraditionNow in its 38th year,

the annual Museum

Mile Festival takes place

rain or shine with free

admission to the Jewish

Museum and six other

New York City museums

on Fifth Avenue. Enjoy

live music by Mariachi

Flor de Toloache with

Bang on a Can, family-

friendly activities, and

special exhibitions.

Begun as a way to spur

the development of

new museum audi-

ences and increase

support for the arts,

Museum Mile was

formed as a consor-

tium by the museums that

share the Fifth Avenue address. The t radition continues on Tuesday, June 14. From 6 to

9 p.m. Museum Mile Festival, Fifth Avenue, Manhattan between 82 and105 Streets.

www.museummilefestival.org.

Sight, Sound and Spirit at

CelebrateIsrael ParadJoin more than 30,000 marchers and hundreds of thousands spectators, in adtion to American and Israeli community leaders and dignitaries, entertainers, art

ists, musicians, dancers, celebrities, floats and bands, in the annual Celebrate Isr

Parade along Fi fth Avenue in Manhattan. In 1965, thousands walked down Rive

Drive in support of the young State of Israel. This impromptu walk evolved into t

Salute to Is rael Parade. In 2011, the parade’s name changed to focus on celebra

ing the v ibrant and diverse country of Israel. Sunday, June 5 from 11 a.m. to 4 p

Celebrate Israel Parade, Along Manhattan’s Fifth Avenue from 57 to 74 Stree

www.celebrateisraelny.org.

Year-End Showcase for beyondDANCE

This year beyondDANCE will present two inspiring performances of “Unstoppable,”

showcasing all students in the dance program at The Performing Arts School at ber-

genPAC. Come celebrate Father’s Day in a unique way as the students showcase their

dance training. Another plus: there is a 50 percent discount for Dads in honor of

Father’s Day. beyondDance, Sunday, June19 at1 and 4 p.m. bergenPAC main stage at

30 North Van Brunt St., Englewood. 201-227-1030, www.ticketmaster.com, www.

bergenpac.org.

The LightningThief Flashes at bergenPACThe Lightning Thief, a new musical adapted from Rick Riordan’s book of th

same name will be brought to life on stage by Theaterworks USA. Percy

Jackson is about to be kicked out of boarding school – yet again. But, that

the least of his troubles. Lately, mythological monsters and the gods of Mo

Olympus seem to be walking out of the pages of Percy’s Greek mythology

textbook and into his life. And he’s angered a few of them. Zeus’s master

lightning bolt has been stolen and Percy is the prime suspect. Come watch

the fun. Sunday, June 5. 1 and 4 p.m. The Lightning Thief, bergenPAC, 30

North Van Brunt St., Englewood. 201-227-1030, www.bergenpac.org,

www.ticketmaster.com



1. Record setting player and member of the 1969 Miracle Mets Art Shamsky spoke at TempleEmanuel about his experiences as a Jew in Major League Baseball and his involvement with theIsrael Baseball League.

2. Students at Solomon Schechter Day School celebrated Israel’s 68th birthday with classic Israelidances in the morning “rekudiyah,” played on a Tel Aviv beach, prayed at the Kotel, and more. Theycapped off the day with a spirited “zimriyah.”

3. The Moriah School fifth-graders recently concluded their oceanography unit with OceanographyNight. Friends and family cam

about our children, june 2016

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