abstracts from dave.doc 97-2003
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This is a great question.
There are really two very different (and
important) aspects to the "conversations with
women" topic:
1. The HOW.
2. The WHAT.
"THE HOW..."
Most guys want to know "what to talk about"
with women.
It only makes sense that you should talk about
things that women are interested in... right?
Well... partially.
It is actually FAR MORE IMPORTANT to talk about
whatever topic you're talking about in the RIGHT
WAY.
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In other words, if you don't understand HOW to
carry on a conversation that creates ATTRACTION,
then it really won't matter WHAT you talk about...
because the woman you're talking to won't FEEL
anything towards you.
The HOW of conversation includes (but, is not
limited to):
- Your body language
- Eye contact
- The Cocky & Funny style of communicating
- Flirting
- Sending mixed messages
- Directing the conversation
- Dealing with common questions and topics
...and many other things.
My point is that if you're running into a lot
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of "uncomfortable silences", nervousness, and
other usual challenges, then you probably need to
get the HOW handled before the WHAT.
"THE WHAT..."
With that said, there are several topics that
are GREAT to discuss with women.
But instead of just giving them to you, I want
you to do yourself a favor and THINK for a minute.
What topics do women PAY to hear about?
Hint: Cosmo magazine, romance novels, soap
operas, nighttime dramas, the fashion channel...
etc.
If you think about it, the answer to this
question is rather obvious.
For whatever reason, WOMEN tend to LOVE:
- Drama
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- Conflict
- Romance
- Famous people and their lives
So... it's really quite easy to enjoy a
conversation with a woman about these topics.
Here are a few ideas:
1. Play amateur psychologist to the stars.
Talk about how someone famous is doing
something really stupid, then psycho-analyze them.
Actors, rock stars and famous sports figures
just LOVE to do crazy things... cheat on their
spouses... and then say "I didn't do it".
These situations are BEGGING to be picked apart
with a fine-toothed, critical, funny, sarcastic
mind.
2. Find an interesting looking group of people and
guess what's going on.
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Look around you, and find a couple sitting at a
table that looks like they're on their first date.
Then, start making fun of how the guy is
acting, how he's dressed, his posture, or
whatever. Talk about how the woman is thinking
that he's a dork and how he's not getting any, no
matter how many compliments he gives her.
Analyzing what's going on with a close group of
others is big fun, and women love it.
*3. Make fun of someone famous.
*Talk about other people's love lives.
****Topics to avoid: Rape, kidnapping, stalking,
death, chess, computers, comic books, Star Wars
and your secret love: wrestling.
** When a guy can't seem to hold on to a woman, the
problem is ALMOST ALWAYS one of the following:
1) He turns into a clingy, needy Wuss at some
point during the relationship.
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2) He becomes PREDICTABLE and BORING at some
point during the relationship.
So stop doing those things.
*your core concept of attraction has to do with
mystery and anticipation,
***You will not believe how competitive women are.
A friend of mine pointed something out to me a
few years ago.
He said "You know when you go out to a nice bar
or club, and all the women are dressed up, have
their hair done, and their makeup perfect? Well
they're not fixed up like that for the men...
it's for the other WOMEN."
This is one of the reasons why so many married
guys talk about how much more often they're
approached by women now that they're married...
***Me- "Excuse me, MS, do you work here (I know she
does not work there)?"
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She- "No."
Me- "Good, I want you to help me find this book (I
don't say, 'Can you please help me...' I go with
a demand of authority... they like it)."
She- "What book is that," she asked me, as she
gave me that wondrous look.
Me- "Wow, you are indeed gorgeous ... you remindme the PowerPC girls (she would be shocked, but
liking it). See, my problem is that I am a very
shy guy, and I am trying to get over it."
She- "What do you mean you are shy? You don't
seem shy to me." (By the way, this happened to me
in real life, and she was hot for real)
Me- "Aren't you shy?"
She - "Yeah."
Me- "You don't seem shy to me either."
She- "It depends on the situation, and with the
person you are talking to. Whether or not you
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feel comfortable."
Me- "Oh, so, I am the right person, you like this
situation, and overall, you feel comfortable."
She- "See, you are not shy at all."
Me- "I gotta go." Like you taught me, I turned
around and walked 3 steps away from her and went
back to her, "I want your e-mail address, becauseI feel less shy talking to you."
She- "Oh, sure, I would LOVE that."
Me- "You would love it? Hummm, so you like guys
in the evolutive process of not being shy, eh?"
She hit me on the shoulder, and I accused her,
"Hey, that is sexual harassment."
She laughed, and I said to my mind, "Kids, so
easily getting amused." She had not written her
e-mail, and I asked her, "Have you not written the
e-mail because you forgot it? Geeez, young people
these days." (She is 29, and I am 21, lol.)
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She- "Oh, my...You are too much."
Me- "For you to handle?"
She stared at me.
I slightly smiled at her, and said, "What? You
like my lips? They are not average... You should
be grateful if I touch your forehead with them."
She was laughing so hard that her face turned red,
but I never laughed, rather, would smirk.
She gave me her e-mail, and I said, "Have a good
night." She replied, "You too, bye."
I said, "Wait, are you leaving like that without
saying 'it was pleasure meeting you?"'
She said, "Wow, are you always like this?"
Me - "Do you mean offering kisses?"
She laughed, and said, "No, silly ... like being
with this sense of humor."
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"All the time, " I said. She was quiet, staring
at me, and said, "I wish all men were like you." I
said, "No, I am glad they are not like me. They
fail in trying to imitate me" (I wanted to leave
already, even though I was having a good time).
She asked me, "Why you say that?" "Hey kid, " I
said, "I really have to go ... but you forgot to
write down your phone number."
She sighed, in a good way, and wrote it down.To make this short, I called her the same night,
and she was, "Wow, I was not expecting your call."
I said, "No, I am calling you because I forgot to
wish you sweet dreams, and also checking to see if
you made it home safe." "That is so sweet of
you...," she said, and I told her that I ought to
go. She did not want me to, but I did leave. We
met again, at her house, and half an hour of me
being there, and talking, I said, "Look, I have to
go." "What?! Why?" she asked. I said, "Maybe
you want to take a rest, or lay on your bed, and
you don't do it because I am here, unless you
promise me that if you lay in bed you will take me
with you." She did not say anything, nor smile,
but jumped to me and kissed me. Needless to say, I
swear David, we had sex. It was great.
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**If a girl tells you that you're too funny, just
say:
"That's impossible."
...or...
"I'm glad you noticed. I realize that this is
making you very attracted to me, but pleasecontrol yourself."
***What Causes Women To Leave Men?
1) Women are NEVER attracted to WUSSIES.
2) Don't be PREDICTABLE.
3) Don't be BORING. Boring is also the lack of adventure, passion,
energy, humor, and ATTRACTION.
A few quick ideas:
Take up an interesting hobby. Think wine
collecting, not comic book collecting.
Mountain biking, not chemistry.
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Fashion, not X-Box.
***WHAT ATTRACTIVE WOMEN HATE MOST ABOUT SINGLE GUYS...
A woman can like everything about you, but if
you do these things (or even ONE of these things),
it can DESTROY your chances of success with a
particular woman.
1) Giving Up Your Status In Exchange For HerAttention And Approval
Men, in effect, say "Hi, I want your approval
and attention. I'm willing to let YOU be the one
who's in control... and let YOU call the shots...
and do anything to please YOU... if you'll give me
your attention and approval".
But the problem is that women DON'T WANT you to
give up your status and "manliness".
Women aren't ATTRACTED to men who act weak and
tentative.
2) Being Needy, Clingy, And Insecure
If a guy is on the phone with a girl he just
met, and she says "Hey, I have to go", he might
say "Aw, well... um... OK. Um, will you call me
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when you get home?".
Or let's say a guy and a girl are out on their
first date, and they're walking around in a large
department store.
Most guys will follow the woman everywhere, and
not leave her side for a minute.
If she wanders away, he'll come find herIMMEDIATELY.
He'll stay physically close to her, as if he's
afraid she'll leave without him.
And an even worse example is a guy who is so
emotionally insecure that he actually ASKS a woman
to tell him that he's nice, fun, interesting, etc.
"Do you think I'm interesting?"
"Do you think we could ever have a
relationship?"
"Am I your type?"
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Women HATE this stuff. It makes them shiver
with the heebie-jeebies. It makes them want to RUN
AWAY.
3) Not Leading - And Even Worse, Trying To Get Her
To Lead
The REAL problem is that most women won't try
to LEAD naturally.
So you've got a situation where a man is tryingto FOLLOW a woman who isn't LEADING.
He's looking for little cues so he knows where
to go and what to do... but he isn't getting them.
So what does he do?
He ASKS for them!
He says "So, I was thinking of maybe taking you
to Olive Garden for dinner... how does that
sound?".
Everything about the way he asks says to the
woman "I'm trying to figure out what you want me
to do... please help me know how you want me to
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act, where you want me to take you, and what you
want me to say".
This is ATTRACTION DEATH!
Men who don't lead, and even worse, try to get
a woman to lead, ANNOY THE HELL OUT OF SINGLE
WOMEN.
They HATE IT!
4) Using Insecure, Approval-Seeking, Low- Status
Posture, Gestures, Voice Tone, And Body Language
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5) Not Understanding That She's A Woman And You're
A Man
Women are coy. They like to play hard to get.
They like to enjoy the chase. They love
anticipation. They love to "let a guy catch
them"...
Men are competitive. Men are dominant. Men like
to play rough games, win things, and rule theirterritory.
Well guess what?
Most men don't BEHAVE like men when they're in
the presence of a woman that they "like".
And since most men don't understand female
human nature, they don't demonstrate that they
"get it" when they're with women that they "like".
Women like men. Men like women. There are
POWERFUL causes at play here.
When you're around a woman you like, don't act
like a GIRLY-MAN. It's not sexy, and it's not
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attractive...
And single women HATE IT!
6) Not Being Interesting To Be Around
She wants mystery... she wants to laugh... she
wants a challenge... she wants sexual tension...
7) Not Understanding Attraction
You have to do things like CREATE TENSION...stop doing something that she likes... give her
time to miss you... etc.
***Why You Should NOT Compliment A Woman
The
more attention and compliments they get, the
better and more powerful they feel. It's an ego
boost. BUT... and it's a BUTTTTT bigger than J-Lo's,
this doesn't mean that a woman will feel ATTRACTED
to you if you give her compliments.
As a matter of fact, if you start talking to an
attractive woman and say, "Wow, you're really
beautiful. I mean, you're like a goddess... are
you a model or an actress?" etc., the most LIKELY
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response you're going to get is her giving you the
cold shoulder.
Why?
Because SHE GOT WHAT SHE NEEDED FROM YOU and
you showed her that you're JUST LIKE EVERY OTHER
guy out there that will worship her for her
physical beauty.
As a general rule, you ALWAYS want to avoid
being mentally slotted into the "average" and
"like all the other guys" category at ALL COST.
About 4 or 5 years ago when I was first
learning about how to be successful with women, a
good friend of mine said something that totally
shocked me.
He said, "Women don't dress up for men, they
dress up for each other."
I was stunned.
If you put a group of attractive women together
in a club or bar, and watch them carefully, you'll
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see something interesting begin to happen...
The women will start doing "catty" things, like
looking each other up and down with disgusted
looks, making negative comments to their friends
about how other women look, and trying to
intimidate other women with their eyes.
Most men would never notice this subtle
communication that's going on between women, butif you look for it, you'll find it.
The fact is that women don't like to compete
with each other on the football field, they
compete to be the most attractive.
Men could really care less what a woman is
wearing or how she's dressed for the most part.
Sure, it's nice to see a woman dressed well, but
it's just not that important.
Women, and especially attractive women, don't
like the idea that another woman is getting more
attention than her. And women can tell very
quickly if another woman is more attractive...
this leads to "bitch looks", negative comments,
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and other amazing displays.
To summarize, women don't spend a lot of time
fixing themselves up to get compliments, they do
it to compete with and impress other women. Ask a
few attractive, well-dressed women about this and
they'll tell you.
There's a HUGE opportunity in these first
meeting situations, but most guys never evenCONSIDER it because it's not what comes naturally.
The thing to do when you meet an attractive
woman is to actually TEASE AND BUST on her a bit,
rather than giving her compliments.
This effectively scrambles her whole program
and causes her to lose her composure. It takes her
off guard and shakes her out of her world... so
you can actually have a conversation.
*** A final note: If you're a pretty good looking
guy, you might turn down the cocky, and turn up
the funny.
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Women perceive good looking guys who act cocky
as MAJOR PLAYERS, and too much cocky too soon can
backfire on you. Learn the art of the "sly
smile"... squint a bit and smile just barely. This
says "I just teased you but you didn't get it..."
It's great.
***To be successful with women, it is important to
understand that PLAYFUL TEASING, EYE CONTACT andCONFIDENCE are much more ATTRACTIVE than anything
you can repeat, do or own.
***I go to this club on a regular basis. I saw this
one girl and started dancing with her. Did some
C&F routine like "Don't get too close", "I don't
even know you that well".
*** Here are a few more quick stories about guys I
know who are "cool".
One guy I know always has girls around him. In
fact, I don't think I've ever seen him WITHOUT at
least one girl with him. Usually he has three or
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four girls with him... and sometimes up to 10 or
12. He always makes fun of the girls, teases them,
and treats them like good friends who he's
comfortable enough to bust on. He's not rich, he
doesn't buy things for women, and he doesn't kiss
up to them. He DOES, on the other hand, make it
his business to know where the "cool" places are
in town, where to go out, and who to call for the
"inside track" on where the hot spots are. Then he
shows up at the door to these hot spots with fivewomen. EVERYONE who knows him thinks of him as a
"cool" guy.
I have another friend that is really amazing
with women. But he does something that's rather
unusual when he's around women. He kind of IGNORES
them when he first meets them. If he's out with
friends, and one of them introduces a female
friend to him, he'll shake her hand and say "hi",
then TURN AWAY and go back to whatever he was
doing. Somehow, the women that are around him
always want to talk to HIM. And all the guys he
knows think of him as one of the coolest guys
around.
Finally, I have one friend who literally says
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things to women like, "You probably wouldn't like
me. I don't really have relationships with women.
Our relationship will probably go no further than
the physical..." If you've seen my Advanced DVD
Program, you probably remember him saying these
exact words when I'm interviewing him. He's so
calm and laid back around women that they have to
pursue HIM... and it happens a lot. He's
blunt, direct, and honest about whatever is on his
mind. He doesn't chase women, buy them things, orsmother them with compliments... and yet, they
love him. And he has a crew of guy friends who all
love him and think he's one of the "coolest" guys
in the world.
***"You're cute when
you pout.", etc. and it works,
***When you act like a Wussy, you do things like:
-Pursue
-Cling
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-Share "feelings"
-Act submissive
-Seek approval
-Pine away
This is WUSSY behavior.
It's distinctly FEMININE in nature.
*** Being "nice" and "accommodating" and
"understanding" is great for friendships and
social relationships, but it's HORRIBLE for
ATTRACTION.
An interesting, attractive woman doesn't want a
guy that she can push around. She doesn't want a
guy who does what she wants him to do. She doesn't
want a little boy that she can train and raise.
An interesting, attractive woman wants a MAN.
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*** Just make sure that you don't start calling
this girl every 20 minutes, and that you give her
space to miss you and think about you.
*** After a woman comes over to your house and gets
physical with you, LEAN BACK.
Don't call the next day and talk hot and heavy.
Give it some time and space.
Here's one of my favorite quotes:
"Give her the gift of missing you."
***"Excuse me, can I ask you a question? I'm
trying to overcome my shyness, and it's my goal to
ask five women today what it takes for them to
feel attracted to a man. Do you prefer it when
guys try to BUY your attention with gifts and
food, or do you prefer it when a guy teases you,
makes fun, makes you laugh, and keeps you guessing
about what's going to come next?"
***I was trying to figure out an approach when she
happened to turn and looked right at me, so I got
off my bar stool went over and said "Can I ask you
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something?" She said "Sure, what?" I then asked
"Are you going to sing any more Eagles songs?'"
She says " I guess I can do a request" (semi-
teasing). I say "Then please don't sing any more
Eagle songs, cuz I really like them", then I
turned and walked back to my bar stool. Almost
immediately I heard "Hey a**hole!!!" I turned and
there she was, madder than hell, I started
cracking up- she started laughing too, sat down
with me...and the rest is history.
***And, if a woman is actually RUDE to you, just
laugh. Say, "Oh, sorry... you looked like you
might be an interesting person, but I was
obviously mistaken."
*** And to answer your question that you asked
about the "face" that women respond to...
Check out the look that Marlon Brando has on
his face on the cover of "Streetcar Named Desire".
That should give you a good idea of what I'm
talking about.
*** The way to not "regress into Wuss behavior
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after initial success" is...
1) Have a life.
Stay busy. Spend time on your own. Do things
with friends that don't involve the woman you're
dating.
Too many guys will meet a woman, then basically
say in one way or another to her: "You are my
everything now, and I will do whatever I have todo to please you and spend time with you".
Big mistake.
If you stay busy, and keep your own life going