Absurd Inventions

By Sarah Castellano

Note: all of the following inventions are legitimate, patented inventions, no matter how absurd they may seem!

The Baby PatterUS Patent Issued In 1971

• Parents of babies never get enough sleep.  According to our inventor; "it is sometimes difficult for the infant to fall asleep, and the parent must resort to patting the baby to sleep by repeated pats upon the hind parts thereof". When baby's awake, a parent is awake...that is until now.  With the motorized Baby Patter, parents can go back to sleep and let the mechanized robot arm comfort Junior back to sleep with a

periodic patting on the rump. 

The Duck DecoyUS Patent Issued In 1997

• This invention is meant for duck hunting. It allows a person to “blend in” with their surroundings, and has room for any snacks or things they want to bring along!

Filtered CigaretteUS Patent Issued In 1966 • According to the

inventor, current cigarette filters (circa 1966) don't filter enough tar and nicotine from tobacco smoke.  He's discovered that cheese makes a very efficient tobacco filter.

Dad SaddleUS Patent Issued In 2002

• This invention allows kids who are to big for strollers to still get rides! The Dad Saddle slips around Dad’s waist and evenly distributes the weight load on his hips for maximum comfort.

Ear TubesUS Patent Issued In 1980

• The Ear Tubes plastic ear bondage fits on your dog like ear muffs with a chin strap so her ears cant get in her food!

The Wearable Dog HouseUS Patent Issued In 1994

• It's designed so you can bring your pet to any function and enjoy your dog's company while keeping both hands free for.... whatever.  The inventor suggests the WDH's air permeable construction will allow Benji "to view outside events and experience the textures of the outdoors in safety and

comfort". 

Chute 'N Shoes Fire Escape US Patent Issued In 1879

• Back in 1879, when tall buildings burned, occupants didn't have the benefit of today's modern fire escapes. So our inventor came up with the Chute 'N Shoes Fire Escape. According to the inventor; "…a person may safely jump out of the window of a burning building from any height, and land, without injury and without the least damage, on the ground".

Arm Mitten US Patent Issued In 1994

• This invention is meant to help those who love driving on hot summer days with the car windows open. Don’t suffer from a sunburn! Put on the arm mitten and protect your skin, while enjoying the breeze!

Super Trash ManUS Patent Issued In 1989

• Complete with shoulder and feet harnesses, this working class super hero's weapon was invented to help wipe out leaves and grass clippings with a single bound.  Now you too can become a Super Trash Hero; you know, for the kids.

Birdman of Alcatraz   US Patent Issued In 1999

• Bird watching more and enjoying it less?  Are you tired of using binoculars to get up close and personal with our flying friends?  You need the Birdman of Alcatraz bird feeder, freshly patented for the new millennium!

Fish Bath US Patent Issued In 1982 • What happens when you

mix an aquarium with a bathtub?  You bathe in a fish lovers paradise encircled by live seafood swimming round and round inside your transparent tub. According to the inventor; "The bather will be literally surrounded by aquarium creatures …while taking his or her bath.