London’s Tower Bridge (often mistaken for London Bridge) remains standing moments after London Bridge falls down.

Stylish bridge trampers hold on for dear life whilst peering over the edge of the swinging wonder. Their nervous journey currently holds the record for the longest overdressed trip. Photo: City of Vancouver Archives.

A group of vertigo-struck bridge-crossers attempt to compose themselves after crossing the bridge. Jim Hanson (top left) suffered the worst bout of giddiness. Photo: City of Vancouver Archives.

Sightings such as this have led birdwatchers to believe eagle populations are not shrinking; they are just hiding from the behemothic bridge.

The Eiffel Tower seen towering sort-of-high over the world’s most disappointed city.

The foremost authority in bridge crossing etiquette and coiner of the phrase: “Well I never!”

The Vancouver that was once thought to be a metropolis of indomitable adventure-seekers is

why these early trail-tramping bridge-crossers are so awe struck, but experts say that the distance and height combined is enough to make the toughest adventurer have a hairy canary. The official measurements, released today, are undeniably shocking. The length of the bridge is 450 feet across – more than twenty streetcars! And the height is an even 230 feet – that’s more than 300 perfectly stacked top hats! Yet, thrill-seekers cannot be stopped! One elite group of bold bridge-bounders has confessed to this fine publication that they ex-perienced feelings of anxiety and excitement bordering on euphoria while creeping across the canyon. Leading scientists have called this reaction an “adrenaline rush.” One pop-eyed crossing crawler said,

Today our fair city, this gem on the far side of the Dominion, may burst its waistcoats with pride at the opening of a structure, the likes our modern world has never seen: a suspension bridge so high, so long it is being hailed as the great-est thing ever suspended from four trees. Where is it you ask oh gentle reader? Look no further than our very own Capilano Canyon and look up. Way up! There, swinging far above the rapturous canyon, is the soon to be World Famous

Capilano Suspension Bridge! A courageous few have chal-lenged this harrowing walk of wobble, only to be rendered entire-ly speechless. When confronted by the Vancouver Daily Province about the daunting voyage, their dumbfounded words were as quot-able and as helpful as a cancelled stamp. One can only speculate as to

“I was shaking from my knees to my moustache. Thank goodness I packed a tiny comb.” Overwhelmed with pride, Van-couver residents have begun to compare their city’s engineering

marvel to those in other cities. London Bridge is among the top de-bated structures, and many agree

that it pales in comparison to the triumphant Capilano Bridge. Af-ter all, London Bridge fell down and a song was written about it. Songs about Capilano Suspen-sion Bridge not falling down are surely being composed as of this writing. In what will surely be one in a hundred testaments to how much Vancouver residents ad-mire the marvelous bridge, one vivacious visitor said of her ex-perience, “Looking into the far reaches of Capilano Canyon is a sight worth losing your bonnet over.” And lose her bonnet she did. But no matter how many hats this towering titan claims, the spirited citizens of our great city will always remember the day this vertiginous Venus claimed our hearts.

Proper manners and etiquette should never be tossed aside – es-pecially from the incredible heights of Mr. Mackay’s stupendous bridge. So prior to carefully crossing, be sure to mind those manners. Before walking the wooden planks, gentlemen should kind-ly seek out a lady to assist across the bridge. A light linking of arms is acceptable, BUT PROMISCUOUS INTERACTIONS SUCH AS

“GOOGLY-EYES” AND “WHISPER-ING SWEET NOTHINGS” ARE ENTIRELY INAPPROPRIATE. Profanities on the bridge are also considered deplorable. Should someone be heard cuss-ing, you must frown upon them, gasp and exclaim, “Well I never!” Ladies and gentlemen must also refrain from spitting. It is ever so fascinating to see spit fall from 230 feet, but it is also repulsive. Resist the urge to “hock a loogie,” as it were. Follow these simple rules and enjoy your stroll. And do not forget to thank Mr. Mackay for building such a wonderful bridge.

now nothing more than a town of bluenosed yellow bellies. What caused this? None other than the

pendulous mammoth swaying in Capilano Canyon. But fear not! This phobia can be beaten. Several chicken-hearted Van-couverites have defeated their fears by befriending courageous bridge-crossers called: “luminous lionhearts”. Heroes and heroines such as these have proven to be very helpful to even the liliest of lily-livers. Others have found that wear-ing spectacles with darkened lenses make it easy to ignore the distressing heights. These fear-fighting bifocals, called “sun-glasses” by some, are becoming an increasingly popular treatment for the “willie-nillies”. Eventually, you must face the very place the “heebie-jee-bies” were discovered: Capilano Suspension Bridge. Approach with caution and for goodness sake, DON’T LOOK DOWN!

“I was shaking from my knees to my moustache.”

“Looking into the far reaches of Capilano Canyon is a sight worth

losing your bonnet over.”

de résistance suspended high above the Capilano River. It can now be reported that when news of the “miracle bridge” reached the Parisian Plinth, thousands of visitors to the tower burst into a frenzy, frantically demanding directions to Canada.

After three years of pain-stak-ing construction, France’s Eiffel Tower, now the tallest and French-est building in the world, is finally complete. But despite its record setting height, this Gaulish-gird-ered tower of tall has been quite overshadowed by the plucky pièce

Acrophobia. Better known

as the fear of heights.

Photo: City of Vancouver Arch

ives

.

450 feet of hemp rope was hand-woven by Mackay himself.

The famed bridge-building trio ruins yet another family photo in a failed attempt to toss the nearly complete bridge across the Capilano River. Photo: North Vancouver Museum and Archives.

It was a challenge for Mackay to find brave handymen to help construct the bridge. This chicken livered trio only offered to hold the saw. Photo: City of Vancouver Archives

How many minds does it take to con-struct a 450-foot bridge? Several – unless you’re George Grant Mackay.

Thanks to his cedar suspending skills, Mackay has been named Vancouver’s “Wobbliest Strongman”.

The road to the bridge is no cakewalk, but there are a handful of places to grab some cake along the way. Photo: City of Vancouver Archives.

A synchronized swim team of webbed-hoofed stallions swam the cedar bridge across the river.

the bridge from one side of the monstrous canyon to the other. How you say? With a manly throw

and crossed fingers? No! Perhaps a mythical flying machine of some sort? Poppycock! According to sources, Mackay completed the bridge with the

help of two Squamish native men and a team of synchronized swim-ming horses. This trusty trio of bridge suspensioneers, while risk-ing a good soaking of the trousers, swam their horses across the riv-er rapids with the bridge in tow, then in a feat of manful strength, hauled the hemp rope up the far side of the canyon to be attached to some sturdy trees. Huzzah! The bridge was complete, but its story will be told...

and, “Will it attract busloads of fas-cinated visitors from around the world?” and, “What’s a bus?” Surprisingly, the bridge was completed with a minimal crew using nothing more than cedar and hundreds of feet of woven hemp. Yet the real challenge was getting

Vancouver’s vertiginous venue has become a cedar-planked stage of sorts, bearing witness to some of the world’s most famous celeb-rities of today and tomorrow. One such celebrity is Canada’s hockey-loving Governor General, Lord Frederick Stanley: the very man who gifted the hockey world with its shiniest silver punch bowl. The world-famous author of the Jungle Book, Rudyard Kipling, has also graced the bridge that spans Capilano Canyon recently. When the master storyteller was asked whether the bridge would be mentioned in his next short story, the author replied, “I’d have to write a novel to do such an ex-perience justice.” But what wondrous bridge-bound stars will tomorrow bring you ask? Predictions are most cer-tainly uncertain, but it has been foretold that the original Tramp himself, Charlie Chaplin, will one-

day humorously tramp his way across the colossal canyon – tiny hat and all. Even Hollywood’s future lead-ing lady, Marilyn Monroe, will pre-sumably sashay Capilano Canyon’s myriad of suspended planks. But according to the most virtuosic clairvoyants, Monroe will unfortu-nately cross unnoticed. As it turns out, gentlemen only prefer blondes when they are not swinging hun-dreds of feet above a colossal can-yon floor.

Lord Frederick Stanley

Charlie Chaplin

Rudyard Kipling

Marilyn Monroe

The most fervent of suspenion-eers will tell you the journey across our city’s famous wooden wobbler is no cakewalk, but neither is the peregrination to its pattering planks.

It’s a transcendental pilgrimage that, needless to say, has no place for your Sunday dress (unless it is Sunday, of course). The most ex-perienced of bridge excursionists, known as Tramps (the trail tramp-ing sort), say, “pack light, pack a lunch, and bring an extra pair of pantaloons. You’ll need them.” Good advice, but how does the savvy swashbuckler reach the

lofty edge of Capilano Canyon? Simple! State-of-the-art electric trolleys and steamboat ferries will effortlessly carry you through the city streets and across Vancouver Harbour to the place where fear itself was constructed. There’s no need to worry about racing the sunset. These mar-velous-mobiles will transport you so quickly your cheeks and eyelids

will clap louder than a standing ovation. Soon enough you will be face-to-face with the dusty road that leads to the marvelous wooden wonder. Watch your step as you approach the towering cliff to glance over the edge. In this terrifying moment, you will most certainly be pleased you brought extra pantaloons.

In the jiffiest of jiffies, Ca-pilano bridge-building genius, George Grant Mackay, has most certainly built himself a reputa-tion in our city as a man who lives life on the edge. After all, he lives in a house on the edge of a canyon – a canyon that splits his property. And what a property! It was reported that Mackay paid the princely sum of $6000 or a whole $1 per acre for 6,000 acres of

untamed North Vancouver wil-derness. What to do with so much land and trees? “Build!” he said. “Build a bridge!” he said. “Golly!” we said. Amidst these shocking words surrounding Mackay’s mammoth bridge, concerns have mounted about its safety. However, Mr. Mackay’s experience as a survey-or and civil engineer should surely instill confidence in even the most

The fantastical Capilano Sus-pension Bridge has been welcomed with irrepressible excitement and jubilation. But even though this wonder has made Vancouver-ites pleased as punch, it has also caused citizens to ask questions such as, “How did it get there?”

namby-pamby of bridge observers. Despite his experience and the overwhelming evidence of his qualifications hanging above Capilano River (and framed on his wall), some still believe that any man that crosses this bridge is a madman. Mackay’s response to these accusations: “I am

certainly no madman. I cross the bridge every day. I welcome anyone to try it.” And many are making plans to do so. Soon you won’t know your onions if you have not crossed the legendary bridge and met its masterful maker.

George Grant Mackay suspended a footbridge made

of hemp rope and cedar planks across the canyon.

“I am certainly no madman. I cross the

bridge every day. I welcome anyone to try it.”

Surprisingly, the bridge was completed with a minimal crew...

“I’d have to write a novel to do such an experience justice.”– Rudyard Kipling

A bridge suspended through the ages. From Marvelous Present-day to the Fantastical Future.

18921889 1910 Rae Mitchell rebuilds the

bridge in 5 days encasing the cables in 13 tons of concrete.

1935 1953 Nancy Stibbard purchases the

bridge and makes it a destination attraction.

1983 A 46-tonne, 300-year-old

tree falls onto the bridge. The bridge holds strong,the tree breaks in half.

2006 2007 2011 The Bridge celebrates 125

incredible years of rich history.

2014Bruno Steltzer buys the bridge and charges 10 cents to cross.

George Grant Mackay constructs the first bridge.

Edward Mahon becomes owner and builds the Tea House.

Mahon sells the bridge to “Mac” MacEachran.

Treetops Adventure opens to the public. Squirrels are not amused.

Cliffwalk opens to an amazed public.