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ACT ONE

SCENE 1- The Opening At the rise, the stage is filled with smoke, and in darkness. Slowly, dim body-less masks come into view, floating in a strange, macabre limbo. An orchestral vamp is accompanied by a low crooning sigh from the COMPANY. Then from the centre of the masks appears the LEADING PLAYER, who moves downstage to sing. As the song progresses, we see a bare stage populated by a group of ACTORS, who appear one at a time. Their costumes are of an undetermined period, but they are definitely PLAYERS... a troupe... a theatrical caravan of some kind. Magic To Do LEADING PLAYER: Psst! JOIN US- LEAVE YOUR FIELDS TO FLOWER, JOIN US- LEAVE YOUR CHEESE TO SOUR, JOIN US- COME AND WASTE AN HOUR OR TWO AAH- DOODLE-EE-DOO. JOURNEY- JOURNEY TO A SPOT EX- -CITING, MYSTIC AND EXOTIC, JOURNEY THROUGH OUR ANECDOTIC REVUE. WE'VE GOT MAGIC TO DO- JUST FOR YOU, WE'VE GOT MIRACLE PLAYS TO PLAY. WE'VE GOT PARTS TO PERFORM- HEARTS TO WARM, KINGS AND THINGS TO TAKE BY STORM, AS WE GO ALONG OUR WAY... HEY HEY.

More PLAYERS begin to appear.

FASTRADA: INTRIGUE- PLOTS TO BRING DISASTER. COLUMBINE: HUMOUR- HANDLED BY A MASTER.

ELLE & BELLE: ROMANCE- SEX PRESENTED PASTORALLY. LEADING PLAYER: OOH-DIDDLE-EE-DEE.

LEWIS: ILLUSION- FANTASY TO STUDY. CHARLES: BATTLES- BARBAROUS AND BLOODY

LEADING PLAYER: SO JOIN US- SIT WHERE EVERYBODY CAN SEE!

ALL: WE'VE GOT MAGIC TO DO- JUST FOR YOU, WE'VE GOT MIRACLE PLAYS TO PLAY. WE'VE GOT PARTS TO PERFORM- HEARTS TO WARM, KINGS AND THINGS TO TAKE BY STORM, AS WE GO ALONG OUR WAY...

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The PLAYERS dance. They present magic tricks, juggling, all the things that PLAYERS have ever done to attract and hold an audience.

WE'VE GOT MAGIC TO DO- JUST FOR YOU, WE'VE GOT MIRACLE PLAYS TO PLAY. WE'VE GOT PARTS TO PERFORM- HEARTS TO WARM, KINGS AND THINGS TO TAKE BY STORM, AS WE GO ALONG

WE GOT OUR WAY MAGIC TO DO MAGIC TO DO JUST FOR YOU, WE GOT MAGIC TO DO MAGIC TO DO MAGIC TO PLAY JUST FOR YOU, WE GOT WE GOT MAGIC TO DO FOIBLES AND FABLES TO JUST FOR YOU PORTRAY AS WE GO ALONG AS WE GO ALONG OUR WAY OUR WAY

After the song, the music continues under the dialogue.

LEADING PLAYER: This evening, for your entertainment pleasure, we present our most mysterious and

miraculous tale. A stunning example of... BUFFA: Magic! VEGA: And merriment! LEADING PLAYER: You will witness acts of... ARLECCHINA:Lust! BELLE: Murder! COLUMBINE: Holy war! LEADING PLAYER: And a climax, ladies and gentlemen- a climax never before seen on a public stage!

KORATA runs in holding a sword.

Not now... later...

KORATA exits.

Our tale today concerns the first-born son of Charlemagne of France... and is entitled...

A banner appears. It reads "Pippin".

ALL: But before we begin, FLORENZ: Let us assure you ELLE: What you are about to see is HARSHRA: the true life of ALL: Pippin! LEADING PLAYER: You see there have been many misconceptions about Pippin.- one that he was...

PLAYERS appear from behind the LEADING PLAYER.

VICENTE: A hunchback! LEADING PLAYER: Or that he was... HARLEQUIN: Enormously tall. LEADING PLAYER: That he was...

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MOLIERE: Completely bald at the age of fourteen!

ALL laugh grotesquely.

LEADING PLAYER: But I beg you, cast all previous misconceptions aside and accept what we enact for

you today. ALL: The life of Pippin!

They cheer and busy themselves frantically. Suddenly a fanfare. SCENE 2 LEADING PLAYER: The life of Pippin begins...

There is a cry and a PLAYER is seen carrying a baby in swaddling clothes.

HARSHRA: Pippin as a child showed a tremendous thirst... for knowledge... KORATA: Immersed in study, the years went by rapidly.

The older PIPPIN is now seen.

AHI: Charlemagne sent Pippin to the University of Padua... CHARLES: ... and the faculty of the university granted him the special title of scholar of the house. ALL: Pippin replied to this offer in his own deeply moving words...

PIPPIN is seen. Applause as he steps forward uncertainly.

LEADING PLAYER: He may be a little nervous- this is his first time playing the part. PIPPIN: Could I have some more lights, please? LEADING PLAYER: Well, he's not that nervous!

He claps his hands. A spotlight picks up Pippin.

PIPPIN: Thank you. Gentle tutors, respected members of the faculty, I'm very grateful for the knowledge you have given me. But I'm afraid what I am looking for can't be found in books. I'm not exactly sure what I want to do... or where I want to go...

Corner of the Sky EVERYTHING HAS ITS SEASON, EVERYTHING HAS ITS TIME, SHOW ME A REASON AND I'LL SOON SHOW YOU A RHYME. CATS FIT ON THE WINDOW SILL, CHILDREN FIT IN THE SNOW- WHY DO I FEEL I DON'T FIT IN ANYWHERE I GO?

RIVERS BELONG WHERE THEY CAN RAMBLE. EAGLES BELONG WHERE THEY CAN FLY. I'VE GOT TO BE WHERE MY SPIRIT CAN RUN FEE- GOTTA FIND MY CORNER OF THE SKY.

EVERY MAN HAS HIS DAYDREAMS, EVERY MAN HAS HIS GOAL. PEOPLE LIKE THE WAY DREAMS HAVE OF STICKING TO THE SOUL. THUNDERCLOUDS HAVE THEIR LIGHTNING, NIGHTINGALES HAVE THEIR SONGS- AND DON'T YOU SEE I WANT MY LIFE TO BE SOMETHING MORE THAN LONG!

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RIVERS BELONG WHERE THEY CAN RAMBLE. EAGLES BELONG WHERE THEY CAN FLY. I'VE GOT TO BE WHERE MY SPIRIT CAN RUN FEE- GOTTA FIND MY CORNER OF THE SKY. SO MANY MEN SEEM DESTINED TO SETTLE FOR SOMETHING SMALL, BUT I WON'T REST UNTIL I KNOW I'LL HAVE IT ALL! SO DON'T ASK WHERE I'M GOING- JUST LISTEN WHEN I'M GONE, AND FAR AWAY YOU'LL HEAR ME SINGING SOFTLY TO THE DAWN:

RIVERS BELONG WHERE THEY CAN RAMBLE. EAGLES BELONG WHERE THEY CAN FLY. I'VE GOT TO BE WHERE MY SPIRIT CAN RUN FEE- GOTTA FIND MY CORNER OF THE SKY.

BUFFA: And Pippin made a promise... PIPPIN: I promise not to waste my life in commonplace, ordinary pursuits. FASTRADA: Terrific! PIPPIN: You see I know there is something... LEADING PLAYER: Something fulfilling? Completely fulfilling... PIPPIN: Yes, that's it! Something completely fulfilling. LEWIS: Oh fantastic. PIPPIN: And I'm going to find it!

A fanfare. ALL cheer as PIPPIN sets of on his journey.

Magic to Do (Reprise) HARLEQUIN: JOURNEY- JOURNEY TO A SPOT EX- -CITING, MYSTIC AND EXOTIC, JOURNEY THROUGH OUR ANECDOTIC REVUE.

The music continues. HARLEQUIN leads PIPPIN on the first part of his journey along the road, to the palace of KING CHARLES, which appears, as if by magic! SCENE 3- Home

COLUMBINE: The royal court of Charles the Great!

PIPPIN addresses the audience.

PIPPIN: The first day I was home I tried to see my father, but he was too busy. The second day, he was too drunk. The third day, my father finally came himself.

An impressive fanfare. CHARLES appears.

CHARLES: This part is to be portrayed by an actor with an enormous... presence. PAGE (VEGA):A giant on the battlefield- and in the bedroom! CHARLES: Oh, thank you so much.

She exits.

CHARLES: Good morning. PIPPIN: Good morning, sire. CHARLES: Well... welcome home, son... well...

Father and son look at each other in embarrassment.

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Welcome Home CHARLES: Hello, son. PIPPIN: Hello. CHARLES: You look thinner. PIPPIN: I know. CHARLES: So, son. PIPPIN: So... CHARLES: Last night, didn't you miss dinner? PIPPIN: No, sire, I was sitting next to you- but you were drinking. CHARLES: Ah... oh yes, I remember. I always remember. Well, how did things go in Padua? PIPPIN: Not very well, sire. Some of my tutors... CHARLES: (interrupting) Good, good! I'm a great believer in education. PIPPIN: And yet you have become the most powerful man in the world without it. CHARLES: The most powerful man in the world? Oh Pippin, don't exaggerate! What about the Pope? PIPPIN: I rank you ahead of the Pope, sire. CHARLES: Well, I happen to agree with you. But the world I grew up in was simpler. The sword solved every problem. Tomorrow is for you. PIPPIN: But it's still today. CHARLES: But for how long?

The action freezes. FLORENZ appears.

FLORENZ: Enter Lewis!

LEWIS appears. As he is introduced, he strikes a series of characteristically vain poses.

Pippin's half-brother... and after Pippin, heir to the throne. Addicted to the physical, Lewis loves weight lifting,,, Lewis loves wrestling... but most of all... Lewis loves Lewis!

LEWIS winks to the audience. The action resumes as he charges across the stage.

LEWIS: Hah! Hah! Hah! Hah! PIPPIN: Well done, brother. LEWIS: Well done? That was magnificent! Do you know, this arm slew twenty Frisians last year? And this year it's going to slay even more Visigoths! Isn't that right, father? CHARLES: Why do I always feel sick when he calls me that? PIPPIN: You mean we're at war with the Visigoths? LEWIS: Uh ha. They're next. It's going to be a glorious campaign. And oh, those Visigoth women! I don't mean to shock your delicate sensibilities. PIPPIN: I'm only shocked that you are interested in women now.

The action freezes again. VEGA appears.

VEGA: Enter Fastrada.

She is seen- a striking, evil vamp. Pippin's step-mother. Devious, crafty, cunning, untrustworthy... but a warm and wonderful mother. Dedicated to gaining the throne for her darling son, Lewis.

The action continues.

FASTRADA: Lewis! Lewis! Guess what Mommy has for you... Surprise!

She hands him a sword.

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LEWIS: Oh thank you, Mummy. Look at this! Isn't it beautiful? PIPPIN: Yes. It really is. FASTRADA: Welcome home, Pippin.

She blows a kiss to CHARLES.

My darling. LEWIS: Can you imagine how I will shine in the sun! FASTRADA: Darling, you look beautiful, doesn't he Charles?

LEWIS starts to strut around.

Oh Pippin, stand up straight. Didn't they teach you posture at Padua? PIPPIN: I failed posture.

He slumps deliberately.

FASTRADA: Notice how straight Lewis stands.... PIPPIN: Oh yes... he's a real... straight-stander, no question about that. LEWIS: Look how I shine! Hah, Visigoths!

He leaps offstage.

FASTRADA: We're so proud of Lewis, aren't we dear? Oh my darling, before I forget, the royal treasurer informs me I've overdrawn my allowance account. CHARLES: You're overdrawn again? FASTRADA: Now, now, my lord, don't be angry with me. You know how confused I get about money. After all, I am just an ordinary housewife and mother... (to audience) Just like all you housewives and mothers out there.

She does an improbably high kick followed by splits, smiles a superior smile, then exits.

CHARLES: You know, sometimes I wonder if she only wants me for my... body. Anyway, son, now we can have our talk. How have things been going with you? PIPPIN: Well, not very well. Father, there are a lot of... CHARLES: WELCOME HOME, SON, WELCOME HOME. I'M SO GLAD TO HEAR THERE'S NOTHING WRONG. WELCOME HOME, SON, GLAD YOU'RE HOME. WILL YOU BE STAYING LONG? PIPPIN: Well, that's what I wanted to talk to you about, Father. I wanted to ask... CHARLES: WELCOME HOME, SON, WELCOME HOME. WELL, I'VE GOT TO GO- IT'S ALMOST NOON. PIPPIN: But... CHARLES: WELCOME HOME, SON, GLAD YOU'RE HOME. WE'LL TALK AGAIN SOON. Keep busy while you're here. Why don't you take my falcons and go hunting? Oh, Pippin... PIPPIN: Yes, sir? CHARLES: ONE MORE THOUGHT I WOULD IMPART IS, I MAY BLUSH BUT I'LL BE FRANK, PIPPIN: DO SIR...

PIPPIN is keen to hear words of wisdom. CHARLES thinks, but all he can come up with is:

CHARLES: HOME IS WHERE THE HEART IS... Why did I say that? PIPPIN: THANK YOU, SIR. Why did he say that?

CHARLES exits. Music begins.

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VICENTE: The preparations for the Visigoth campaign were reaching a peak. Marksmen tested themselves against the targets.

Arrows fly.

ELLE: Swordsmen tested themselves against each other.

SWORDSMEN are seen fighting.

PLAYERS: The panoply of war was being assembled! LEADING PLAYER: The sights and sounds of glory were in the air! SOLDIERS: Glory! PIPPIN: Glory's in the air! Glory's in the air! And what am I doing? Running around on a dark stage like an idiot!

A SOLDIER (KORATA) enters, carrying weapons. He offers PIPPIN a sword.

SOLDIER: Your sword, sir. Oh, excuse me. I thought you were a warrior. PIPPIN: No, no, no, wait. I'll keep it. SOLDIER: But you're not one of us. PIPPIN: I'm Prince Pippin. SOLDIER: Who? PIPPIN: Prince Pippin. One day I'll be king. SOLDIER: Yeah? And my name's Napoleon!

He exits.

PIPPIN: Oh. I think I'd better talk to my father. SCENE 4

The court of KING CHARLES is seen. The KING strides in. COLUMBINE is a COURTIER.

COURTIER: The royal court of Charles the Great, emperor of the holy Roman Empire. CHARLES: And a giant in the bedroom. COURTIER: And a giant in the bedroom...

She indicates a "so so" gesture with her hand that CHARLES isn't much of a giant.

... is prepared to hear petitions. BARONS: Oh great leader, blessed by god, sent to us from Heaven to protect us from the Infidel... CHARLES: Oh no, not all that garbage again. Out! Out! Everybody out! Council is dismissed! PIPPIN: Wait! Father... CHARLES: Well what? PIPPIN: I know what I want to do now. CHARLES: Good. Good. PIPPIN: I want to be a soldier. CHARLES: Not so good. PIPPIN: I want to join you in your campaign against the Visigoths. CHARLES: Denied. PIPPIN: But that's not fair. CHARLES: To an emperor, fairness is irrelevant. PIPPIN: You're taking Lewis. CHARLES: Your brother Lewis is an ideal soldier: he is strong and stupid. You, on the other hand are educated. PIPPIN: But I'm your oldest son. That means I might be king one day. Fighting wars is an important part of running a kingdom, isn't it? CHARLES: Fighting wars is the most important part of running the kingdom. The Pope and I

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have dedicated ourselves to bringing Christianity to the entire world... even if we have to kill every non-believer to do it. PIPPIN: That's exactly what I mean. You're dedicated to something, and I want to be dedicated to something as well- with all my heart and soul. And whatever it is, I want to do it as well as I possible can.

He thinks about what he has just said.

Otherwise, my life won't have any meaning. CHARLES: So you want your life to have meaning, do you? PIPPIN: Yes, I do. CHARLES: Well, that's very ambitious of you, Pippin. PIPPIN: Father! Cut the crap! And take me with you! CHARLES: Oh ho ho! That's more like it. Get yourself a decent helmet and come along.

CHARLES exits. The LEADING PLAYER appears.

PIPPIN: I'm a soldier? LEADING PLAYER: You got it!

A drum roll, growing in intensity.

PIPPIN: Me, a warrior. Finally, a chance to be part of something important. A chance to use my sword... my arm... and maybe even my blood...

Two SOLDIERS appear.

BUFFA: Glory! Ha! HARLEQUIN: Glory! Ha! SCENE 5 A brief dance as the set changes from court to war tent of CHARLEMAGNE. The WARRIORS assemble.

CHARLES: Well, I always like to spend the night before battle praying. I would like my two sons to join me. If they wish.

PIPPIN and LEWIS kneel on either side of him.

PIPPIN: Oh I’m not sure about that, Father. I think I’ll… CHARLES: I SAID, I would like my two sons to join me. IF THEY WISH. PIPPIN: Ah right, yes, that would be… brilliant. Oh God, we who fight in your name ask for victory in combat tomorrow... PIPPIN: Father, is the Visigoth king praying for victory, too? CHARLES: Oh yes. Old King Alric is one of the best prayers in the business.

An alarum is heard.

Pippin... Lewis... It's time. LEWIS: You're going to be very proud of me. PIPPIN: I'll try not to disgrace you, sir. CHARLES: Very well. Follow me.

CHARLES and PIPPIN exit. LEWIS goes to leave, then turns back.

Glory

LEWIS: BATTLES, BARBAROUS AND BLOODY...

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He laughs. He is thrown a hat and cane from offstage. FLORENZ enters.

FLORENZ: GLORY! GLORY! GLORY! GLORY! LEWIS: PRAISE BE TO CHARLES OUR LORD, TRIUMPHANT IS HIS SWORD, ALLEGIANCE IS HIS WORD! FLORENZ: GLORY! GLORY! GLORY! GLORY!

HE is joined by a group of WARRIORS.

ALL: BLOOD! BLOOD IS RED AS SUNSET. BLOOD IS WARMER THAN WINE, WARMER THAN WINE, THE TASTE OF SALTY SUMMER BRINE.

Another formation of WARRIORS is seen.

ALL: STEEL! STEEL IS COLD AS MOONLIGHT. STEEL IS SHARPER THAN SIGHT, IT'S SHARPER THAN SIGHT, THE TOUCH OF BITTER WINTER WHITE!

SHOUT IT OUT FROM THE HIGHEST TOWER, SHOUT IT OUT IN THE DARKEST HOUR, CHARLEMAGNE YOU LEAD US ON TO POWER!

LEWIS: WAR! WAR IS STRICT AS JESUS. WAR IS FINER THAN SPRING,

GROUP: SERVICE TO CHRIST AND TO OUR...

ALL: KING!

SHOUT IT OUT FROM THE HIGHEST TOWER, SHOUT IT OUT IN THE DARKEST HOUR, CHARLEMAGNE YOU LEAD US ON TO POWER!

LEWIS and a group of WARRIORS dance slowly as other SOLDIERS put the enemy to the sword. PIPPIN wanders across the stage staring at the blood on his hands.

AHI: Hey, let's hear it for a few of those oldies still in the charts: the Holy Wars, 285,000 dead; the Wars of the Roses, 22,000 dead; and that sentimental favourite, World War I, 821 killed, 37 million 463,904 wounded; and let's not forget that all time favourite World War II, between 35 million and 62 million killed or wounded...

The LEADING PLAYER'S voice is drowned by applause. The an enormous explosion. A figure enters through the smoke- he removes a gas mask to reveal his identity.

KORATA: WAR IS STRICT AS JESUS. WAR IS FINER THAN SPRING.

The floor is littered with dead bodies- a groan.

Aw, you ain't seen nothing yet, folks!

WARRIORS come running in.

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ALL: THE GATES OF HEAVEN AWAIT, THROWN WIDE BY CHARLES THE GREAT. WE FOLLOW HIM THROUGH BY SERVING HIS STATE.

His shadow falls across them all.

FLORENZ & PLAYERS: GLORY! GLORY! GLORY! GLORY! GLORY!

LEWIS: Yeah! CHARLES appears.

CHARLES: We won! ALL: We won.

SCENE 7 The WARRIORS begin to drag off the dead bodies.

LEWIS: I killed at least twenty-five Visigoths with my bare hands, Father. CHARLES: Yes. You and Pippin both did very well. Well, now we sack and pillage.

PIPPIN looks doubtful.

Oh yes, it's required. We also have to sing. That's absolutely vital to victory...

CHARLES and LEWIS exit. PIPPIN is alone on stage.

CHARLES enters again.

CHARLES: Pippin, you aren't celebrating. Pippin, this is embarrassing. A victory celebration and my own son is not joining in. PIPPIN: I'm sorry, Father. You'll have to get used to victory celebrations without me.

He turns his back on CHARLES.

I thought there'd be more plumes... RIVERS BELONG WHERE THEY CAN RAMBLE. EAGLES BELONG WHERE THEY CAN FLY. I'VE GOT TO BE WHERE MY SPIRIT CAN RUN FEE- GOTTA FIND MY CORNER OF THE SKY... SCENE 8- The Flesh BUFFA appears upstage and approaches PIPPIN.

Simple Joys

BUFFA: WELL I'LL SING YOU THE STORY OF A SORROWFUL LAD, HAD EVERYTHING HE WANTED, DIDN'T WANT WHAT HE HAD. HE HAD WEALTH AND PELF AND FAME AND NAME AND ALL OF THAT NOISE. HE DIDN'T HAVE NONE OF THOSE SIMPLE JOYS. HIS LIFE SEEMED PURPOSELESS AND FLAT- AREN'T YOU GLAD YOU DON'T FELL LIKE THAT!

BUFFA is joined by other STROLLING PLAYERS.

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VICENTE: SO HE RAN FROM ALL THE DEEDS HE'D DONE, HE RAN FROM THINGS HE'D JUST BEGUN, HE RAN FROM HIMSELF, WHICH IS MIGHTY FAR TO RUN! OUT INTO THE COUNTRY WHERE HE PLAYED AS A BOY- HE KNEW HE HAD TO FIND HIM SOME SIMPLE JOYS. HE WANTED SOME PLACE WARM AND GREEN: WE ALL COULD USE A CHANGE OF SCENE.

The scene changes into a pastoral landscape. The PLAYERS rest in the peaceful setting. BUFFA & VICENTE: SWEET SUMMER EVENINGS, HOT WINE AND BREAD, SHARING YOUR SUPPER, SHARING YOUR BED. SIMPLE JOYS HAVE A SIMPLE VOICE THAT SAYS "WHY NOT? GO AHEAD". AND WOULDN'T YOU RATHER BE A LEFT-HANDED FLEA, A CRAB ON A SLAB AT THE BOTTOM OF THE SEA, THAN A MAN WHO NEVER LEARNS TO BE FREE NOT 'TIL HE'S COLD AND DEAD?

BUFFA: Enter Berthe! BERTHE is revealed, from behind the pastoral cloth.

Pippin's grandmother! Warm, strong... BERTHE: Still attractive. BUFFA: Still attractive. VICENTE: Charlemagne's mother- now living in the country far from her new daughter-in-law, where she enjoys those... BUFFA & VICENTE: SWEET SUMMER EVENINGS, SAPPHIRE SKIES, FEASTING HER BELLY, FEASTING HER EYES!

SIMPLE JOYS HAVE A SIMPLE VOICE THAT SAYS "TIME IS LIVING'S PRIZE" AND WOULDN'T YOU RATHER BE A LEFT-HANDED FLEA, A CRAB ON A SLAB AT THE BOTTOM OF THE SEA, A NEWT ON THE ROOT OF A BANYAN TREE, OR A FIG ON A TWIG IN GALILEE THAN A MAN WHO NEVER LEARNS TO BE FREE NOT 'TIL THE DAY NOT 'TIL THE DAY NOT 'TIL THE DAY NOT 'TIL THE DAY HE DIES! NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!

ALL relax in the meadow.

PIPPIN: Berthe! BERTHE: Damn! I hate the Bee Gees! PIPPIN: Berthe... BERTHE: Yes...? What is it? PIPPIN: It's me. Pippin.

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BERTHE: Pippin? Pippin? Pippin! Oh Pippin, I can't believe it!

They embrace.

How good it is to hold you! Just like when you were a little boy. Remember, Pippin? PIPPIN: Well of course I remember. That's why I came here. BERTHE: Pippin, you look terrible. You need some fresh air... some sun... some good food... and some frolicking. PIPPIN: Grandma, you haven't changed a bit. BERTHE: You have. Now, something is the matter, Pippin. What have you been doing with yourself? PIPPIN: I went to war, Grandma. BERTHE: No wonder you look so terrible. Men and their wars. Why do they all want to prove they have the biggest... sword? PIPPIN: Grandma! Sometimes you are really shocking! BERTHE: I try. But Pippin, what's wrong? PIPPIN: I don't know, Grandma. I feel... empty and vacant. BERTHE: Empty and vacant? Now, Pippin, you listen to me. I'm going to tell you something very "wise". Chill out! Don't take life so seriously. Just take things as they come. Don't plan do too much planning, and don't do too much thinking. How's that for wisdom so far? PIPPIN: Frankly Grandma, it sounds pretty... dumb! BERTHE: Maybe, but it sounds better with music.

An imaginary band forms.

In Just No Time At All

Maestro! WHEN YOU ARE AS OLD AS I, MY DEAR- AND I HOPE THAT YOU NEVER ARE- YOU WILL WOEFULLY WONDER WHY, MY DEAR- THROUGH YOUR CATARACTS AND CATARRH YOU COULD SQUANDER AWAY OR SEQUESTER A DROP OF A PRECIOUS YEAR. FOR WHEN YOUR BEST DAYS ARE 'YESTER', THE REST ARE TWICE AS DEAR...

WHAT GOOD IS A FIELD ON A FINE SUMMER'S NIGHT IF YOU SIT ALL ALONE WITH THE WEEDS? OR A SUCCULENT PEAR IF WITH EACH JUICY BITE YOU SPIT OUT YOUR TEETH WITH THE SEEDS? BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE STOP TRYING TO WAIT

FOR FORTUNE AND FATE YOU'RE SECURE OF FOR THERE'S ONE THING TO BE SURE OF MATE: THERE'S NOTHING TO BE SURE OF!

OH, IT'S TIME TO START LIVING, TIME TO TAKE A LITTLE FROM THIS WORLD WE'RE GIVEN, TIME TO TAKE TIME, 'CAUSE SPRING WILL TURN TO FALL IN JUST NO TIME AT ALL.

PIPPIN: But Grandma, it's time I'm worried about. BERTHE: Now you sit down. And don't say anything 'til I'm finished.

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SAGES TWEET THAT AGE IS SWEET, GOOD DEEDS AND GOOD WORK EARN YOU LAURELS. BUT WHAT COULD MAKE YOU FEEL MORE OBSOLETE THAN BEING FAMOUS FOR YOUR MORALS? HERE IS A SECRET I NEVER HAVE TOLD- MAYBE YOU'LL UNDERSTAND WHY. I BELIEVE IF I REFUSE TO GROW OLD I CAN STAY YOUNG- 'TIL I DIE. NOW, I'VE KNOWN THE FEARS OF SIXTY-SIX YEARS, I'VE HAD TROUBLES AND TEARS BY THE SCORE. BUT THE ONLY THING I'D TRADE THEM FOR- IS SIXTY-SEVEN MORE...

OH, IT'S TIME TO KEEP LIVING, TIME TO TAKE A LITTLE FROM THIS WORLD I'M GIVEN, THIS IS MY TIME, SO I'LL THROW OFF MY SHAWL. AND WATCHING YOUR FLINGS BE FLUNG ALL OVER MAKES ME FEEL YOUNG ALL OVER

ALL: IN JUST NO TIME AT ALL!

BERTHE is carried offstage singing. She calls back to PIPPIN.

BERTHE: Don't forget, Pippin.

SCENE 9 PIPPIN is left alone in the pasture.

PIPPIN: She's absolutely right. It's time for me to start living... and stop worrying. Maybe that's the secret. Just to enjoy all the simple things in life. The fresh air.

He lies back.

The cool, clean water. Fruit, fresh from the...

He reaches for a fruit but his hand touches a GIRL who has just come into view. The LEADING PLAYER interrupts the scene.

SCENE 10 LEADING PLAYER: Boy, when you frolic, you really frolic! So how do you feel now? PIPPIN: I feel empty and vacant. There's got to be something more worthwhile I can do with my life. BELLE: Hey, you just started. There are so many things you can try... PIPPIN: Like what? HARSHRA: Take a look at this...

HARSHRA produces a newspaper from thin air. A COURIER (AHI) appears. He is excessively cheerful.

COURIER: Good morning. Peasants revolt. King slays thousands. PIPPIN: Look at this! COURIER: Hello there. Peasants protesting at rises in taxes slaughtered by Charlemagne's soldiers. The king warns that any further dissent will provoke serious reprisals. PIPPIN: I can't believe that. My father would never slaughter people just for protesting. That can't be true. LEADING

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PLAYER: Would the media say anything that wasn't true?

PIPPIN turns the page.

COURIER (AHI):Hi there! Third massacre to bring new laws from the crown. All political activities henceforth to be rigidly controlled. PIPPIN: My father can't tell people what to think. VEGA: Why not? He is the king. PIPPIN: I don't care. People have the right to speak freely. ELLE: Too right. PIPPIN: Something has got to be done about it... VICENTE: You're absolutely right. PIPPIN: We are surrounded by injustice and tyranny... LEADING PLAYER: And prejudice. Don't forget about prejudice.

The LEADING PLAYER beckons to other PLAYERS to assemble into a political rally.

PIPPIN: I'm finally beginning to see what my father - the king- really is. He forces people to fight and die for land they couldn't care less about.... CROWD: True! PIPPIN: Well I say it's time for a change! CROWD: It is time for a change! PIPPIN: We have to dedicate ourselves to a better world for all people.

REPORTERS crowd in with microphones.

Peace and justice must be restored to this great land.

The CROWD cheers.

The tyrant must be overthrown!

A PLAYER puts a rosette on PIPPIN's chest.

Terror and bloodshed must be banished!

He kisses a proffered baby. The CROWD cheers.

(to LEADING PLAYER) I'm a politician. LEADING PLAYER: You're a revolutionary! PIPPIN: We need a leader with the wisdom and the courage to sweep out the old order and create a better world.

The CROWD goes wild.

Down with Charles! Up with... me!

PIPPIN is carried away by the cheering CROWD.

SCENE 11- Revolution FASTRADA and LEWIS enter. They have been watching the previous scene.

FASTRADA: Terrible. A son speaking against his very own father like that. I'd rather be drawn and quartered than think that I was in any way responsible for what happened next. After all, I'm just an ordinary housewife and mother- just like all you housewives and mothers out there. LEWIS: Word had come to us that Pippin was holding secret meetings... of a treacherous persuasion.

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To one side, PIPPIN is seen plotting with a group of CONSPIRATORS.

PLOTTER: Revolution! PLOTTER: Revolution! KORATA: Power! PLOTTER: Follow Pippin! PLOTTER: We pledge to follow Pippin... forever! ALL: Forever!

PIPPIN enters.

PIPPIN: Now, gentlemen, first let me say that I admire the dedication and courage which has brought you here this evening. ALL: Forever! PIPPIN: Thank you. Especially when you consider the dangers which may lie ahead. For if, during this insurrection any one of us is caught, the king's vengeance will be swift and terrible.

During the remainder of the speech, each of the CONSPIRATORS leave quietly without PIPPIN noticing.

You will undoubtedly be tortured... broken on the wheel... cruelly maimed... even dismembered...

The male PLAYERS all wince. MOLIERE: Forget that! (Exits) PIPPIN: ... but I am sure that the prospect of these terrible agonies will not deter you from joining me in...

PIPPIN realises that he is alone.

They may appear frightened now. But once the deed is done- once action has been taken against the king, they will flock to my side... I hope.

He leaves. FASTRADA and LEWIS come into view again. They are at a ballet barre, with a BALLET TROUPE taking a class.

BOTH: Oh dear. LEWIS: Mama, if Pippin kills Father... FASTRADA: You will be next in line to the throne, darling. LEWIS: But if Father discovers Pippin's plot and executes him... FASTRADA: You will be next in line to the throne, darling. LEWIS: Mama, I'm on my way up! FASTRADA: Don't get dizzy, dear.

Spread A Little Sunshine BACK IN MY YOUNGER DAYS, IF THINGS WERE GOING WRONG, I MIGHT SULK, I MIGHT POUT. NOW I'VE LEARNED IF I JUST PITCH IN AND DO WHAT'S RIGHT THINGS WILL ALWAYS WORK OUT. AND IF WE ALL COULD SPREAD A LITTLE SUNSHINE, ALL COULD LIGHT A LITTLE FIRE, WE ALL WOULD BE A LITTLE CLOSER TO OUR HEART'S DESIRE.

In fear of my beloved husband's life, I brought Pippin's activities to his attention...

16

CHARLES is seen.

Pippin is disloyal to you, my lord. CHARLES: Every son is disloyal to his father at one time or other, my lady. FASTRADA: But Lewis loves you, my lord. CHARLES: Lewis is a moron, my lady.

LEWIS bursts into tears. CHARLES departs.

FASTRADA: Despite this rejection, I took it upon my tiny shoulders the task of affecting a rapprochement between two men for whom I still felt... deeply.

She returns to the barre.

LORD KNOWS WE'VE SEEN ENOUGH TROUBLES ALREADY- WE'VE HAD OUR FILL OF GREY SKIES. SO PUT DOWN THE VINEGAR, TAKE UP THE HONEY JAR- YOU'LL CATCH MANY MORE FLIES. AND IF WE ALL COULD SPREAD A LITTLE SUNSHINE, ALL COULD THINK BEFORE WE STRIKE, WE ALL WOULD BE A LITTLE CLOSER TO THE WORLD WE'D LIKE.

CHARLES is seen again.

My lord? CHARLES: Yes, my lady. FASTRADA: Will you be praying at Arles next month? CHARLES: No, I don't think so. FASTRADA: But my lord, you always feel so much better after your yearly prayer on St Pilfred's Day. CHARLES: Yes I do, don't I?

CHARLES wanders away.

FASTRADA: I sought out Pippin.

PIPPIN is now seen.

Your father loves you very much, Pippin. PIPPIN: Freedom and dignity for all men is more important than the love of one father for his son. FASTRADA: Still, your name will be on his lips when he prays... at Arles next month.

The BALLET TROUPE take more interest.

PIPPIN: He prays at Arles next month? FASTRADA: Alone and unguarded. PIPPIN: Alone and unguarded. What date? FASTRADA: St Pilfred's Day. PIPPIN: What time? FASTRADA: When the cock crows. Pippin, Pippin, I beg you to bring this unnatural estrangement to an end. PIPPIN: That's my plan. FASTRADA: May I tell your father of this resolve? PIPPIN: No, no, no. Let is be... a surprise. FASTRADA: A surprise? Isn't that sweet. Your intentions make me so happy. PIPPIN: You have been a great help to me, Fastrada.

PIPPIN leaves.

17

FASTRADA: Ah, what sweeter words could a mother hear.

She and LEWIS laugh.

I KNOW THE PARABLES TOLD IN THE HOLY BOOK I KEEP CLOSE ON MY SHELF. GOD'S WISDOM TEACHES ME WHEN I HELP OTHERS I'M REALLY HELPING MYSELF. YOU'LL CATCH MANY MORE FLIES. AND IF WE ALL COULD SPREAD A LITTLE SUNSHINE, ALL COULD LEND A HELPING HAND, WE ALL WOULD BE A LITTLE CLOSER TO THE PROMISED LAND.

They dance briefly, but FASTRADA suddenly thinks of something.

FASTRADA: Suddenly it occurred to me that Pippin might be planning to harm my darling Charles. I therefore decided to warn him...

CHARLES strolls by.

CHARLES: Well, I'm off to Arles to pray. FASTRADA: Goodbye, my lord.

CHARLES leaves.

Oh dear. In the hustle and bustle of my lord's departure I completely forgot to warn him... FASTRADA & LEWIS: Nuts!

FASTRADA and LEWIS amble downstage.

FASTRADA: Oh my, what a busy day.

She pats LEWIS on the head and sends him off.

Events move so swiftly it's hard for a simple woman like me to keep up. But something tells me that one day- soon- I will be able to speak the words that every mother longs to say: "My son, the king".

She dances, at first dreamily, but later in a manner ill-becoming a person of her estate and dignity.

AND IF WE ALL COULD SPREAD A LITTLE SUNSHINE, ALL COULD LEND A HELPING HAND, WE ALL WOULD BE A LITTLE CLOSER TO THE PROMISED LAND. DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO. After all, I'm just an ordinary housewife and mother- just like all you housewives and mothers out there!

She does the splits with a scream.

DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO. SCENE 12 As she dances off, waving, a PLAYER appears, carrying a candle. From the flame, the light grows to illuminate the next scene, a chapel.

18

BELLE: INTRIGUE- PLOTS TO BRING DISASTER... BIANCA: The Chapel at Arles.

CHARLES enters, flanked by cowled monks, carrying candles. They pray. PIPPIN enters, dressed as a monk.

CHARLES: It's alright, Father. You may come in. PIPPIN: I'm sorry to disturb you, my son. I know you like to pray alone. CHARLES: You know who I am, Father? PIPPIN: Of course, my son. CHARLES: You want something from me perhaps? A favour? Advancement? PIPPIN: No. CHARLES: Then what, Father? PIPPIN: I wish to be with you for one moment... to touch you... to look into your eyes. CHARLES: And what do you see? PIPPIN: Two eyes- a little cloudy with age- a sunset. CHARLES: Anything else? PIPPIN: The death of thousands, the slavery of more, terror and bloodshed. CHARLES: You see that in my eyes? PIPPIN: Do you deny it? CHARLES: Deny it? I'm proud of it! I brought order out of chaos. If slavery, death and terror are part of that order then so be it. PIPPIN: But those are words from the past. Time has passed you by, my son. CHARLES: And your time has come- my son?

PIPPIN removes his cowl.

PIPPIN: Yes, Father. CHARLES: It's easy from where you stand to judge the things I have done. But when I marched, the dust of the road was in my throat, and when I fought, the blood of the enemy was in my eyes. I sank in the mud on the shores of the Volga. I drowned two legions in the Vistula. Why, eagles, ospreys, even vultures had a better view. From the heights, all things are very clear. Birds float on the wind. Yet, by God, I blew my breath across a continent and shaped an empire!

All the PLAYERS burst into spontaneous applause. CHARLES hushes them and returns to the scene in hand.

So you think you can do better than I, Pippin? PIPPIN: Yes I do. CHARLES: Well if you truly believe that, there's only one thing you can do, isn't there?

He offers Pippin a knife. PIPPIN produces his own.

PIPPIN: No thanks, I brought my own. CHARLES: Then why don't you use it? PIPPIN: Father, there must be some other way... CHARLES: None. Now if you have no further business with me, go and leave me to my prayers. PIPPIN: What do you pray for, Father? CHARLES: Strength. And I suggest you do the same!

PIPPIN is in a quandary. The shadowy figures of the PLAYERS surround him, all whispering advice. Finally, PIPPIN stabs CHARLES in the back. CHARLES looks distinctly surprised as he falls to the ground. The PLAYERS and monks laugh quietly as one by one they creep into the shadows.

19

Morning Glow

PIPPIN: WHY WON'T MY HAND STOP SHAKING WHEN ALL THE EARTH IS STILL? WHEN ANCIENT GHOSTS ARE WAKING, SO MANY PLAN NEED MAKING, SO MANY STEPS NEED TAKING, I THINK I WILL. I THINK I WILL.

The LEADING PLAYER enters, carrying a crown. The MONKS rise and bow to PIPPIN.

MONK: Your majesty. MONK: King Pippin. MONK: Your Majesty. MONK: Your Highness. MONK: King Pippin. PIPPIN: King Pippin...

MORNING GLOW, MORNING GLOW, STARTS TO GLIMMER WHEN YOU KNOW WINDS OF CHANGE ARE SET TO BLOW AND SWEEP THIS WHOLE LAND THROUGH- MORNING GLOW IS LONG PAST DUE.

The MONKS and other PLAYERS all slowly approach and pay homage to PIPPIN. They sing.

PIPPIN: MORNING GLOW, FILL THE EARTH, ALL: AH... COME AND SHINE FOR ALL YOUR WORTH. WE'LL BE PRESENT AT THE BIRTH OF OLD FAITH LOOKING NEW. MORNING GLOW IS LONG PAST DUE.

PIPPIN: I'm sorry, Father. I know I can build a better world.

ALL: OH, MORNING GLOW, I'D LIKE TO HELP YOU GROW.

PIPPIN: WE SHOULD HAVE STARTED LONG AGO! ALL: AH...

ALL(IN VARIOUS RHYTHMS): SO MORNING GLOW ALL DAY LONG WHILE WE SING TOMORROW'S SONG. NEVER KNEW WE COULD BE SO STRONG. BUT NOW IT'S VERY CLEAR...

PIPPIN: MORNING GLOW IS ALMOST HERE!

ALL: MORNING GLOW, BY YOUR LIGHT WE CAN MAKE THE NEW DAY BRIGHT. AND THE PHANTOMS OF THE NIGHT WILL FADE INTO THE PAST!

PIPPIN: MORNING GLOW IS HERE

ALL: AT LAST!

PIPPIN is crowned in light. End of Act One

20

ACT TWO

SCENE 13- Royalty

LEADING PLAYER: Long live the king! ALL: Long live the king!

The LEADING PLAYER places the crown on PIPPIN's head, but it is too large and falls over his eyes.

PIPPIN: I think it's a little big. FLORENZ: A little tissue paper out to fix that right up, sire. HERALD: King Pippin, Emperor of the Holy Roman Empire, is prepared to hear petitions. (VEGA) BEGGAR: Sire, I am a poor man... (ELLE) PIPPIN: You may stand- you may all stand.

ALL hesitate. The LEADING PLAYER clicks her fingers and they rise uncertainly.

BEGGAR: Thank you, sire. I am a very poor man. I can't find work. You have much, I have nothing. Is that fair? PIPPIN: Er... no. That's completely unfair. Treasurer? TREASURER: Your Majesty? (HARSHRA) PIPPIN: I order you to distribute money to the poor.

ALL applaud as the BEGGAR grovels.

HARLEQUIN: King Pippin, the Charitable!

PEASANT: Sire, I am a peasant. (VICENTE) OTHERS: True. PEASANT: I own not one millimetre of the land on which I have worked all my life. Is that fair? PIPPIN: No. That's terrible. But I will do something about it. I hereby decree that from now on all peasants will own the land they cultivate.

ALL cheer.

ARLECCHINA:King Pippin, the Just! NOBLE: Sire now that you have given the land to the peasants, we loyal nobles have no (BUFFA) source of income. We can't pay taxes any more. PIPPIN: Well then, I hereby abolish taxes.

ALL cheer.

SOLDIER: You realise, sire, without taxes you'll have no money to support an army? (KORATA) PIPPIN: I don't need an army. That's it! No more taxes. No more army.

ALL cheer.

COLUMBINE: King Pippin, the Peaceful.

A GENERAL (BELLE) enters.

GENERAL: Sire, it is my duty to inform you that the Infidel has attacked in the East.

ALL scream.

21

Their armies have destroyed three villages...

ALL scream.

...ravaged hundreds of women...

ALL scream.

...tortured and murdered thousands of your royal subjects.

ALL scream.

GENERAL: I await your orders. PIPPIN: Can they do that? GENERAL: They have. PIPPIN: Well, seek a truce with them. After all, every disagreement can be resolved if we all just talk to each other like civilised human beings. GENERAL: Very well, sire.

He exits. FASTRADA and LEWIS enter.

FASTRADA: Sire, the Treasury refuses me my royal allowance. LEWIS: Mine, too. PIPPIN: Oh come on you two! From now on royalty- including myself- must forego luxury and extravagance like everybody else. FASTRADA: Thou jerk! BIANCA: King Pippin, the Humble.

The GENERAL hurries back in.

GENERAL: I have spoken to the Infidel. They will withdraw on one condition. PIPPIN: Well, that's very reasonable of them. I am certainly willing to make any small concession. What is the condition? GENERAL: He demands your reproductive organs be separated from the rest of your anatomy- with an axe.

PIPPIN looks confused. A PLAYER whispers into his ear the meaning of this message. PIPPIN is horror-struck.

PIPPIN: Oh. Well in that case, I declare wa... a limited military action. GENERAL: But sire, I have no more men to wage a campaign, I have no money to buy supplies, I have no army! PIPPIN: Excuse me a moment. Nobles?

The NOBLE steps forward.

You remember that decree I made a little while ago about land and taxes? NOBLE: Yes, sire? PIPPIN: It's off. NOBLE: You mean you want me to pay taxes again and raise an army? PIPPIN: Yes. That's right. NOBLE: But, sire, without land I have neither money nor power over the peasants. PIPPIN: Ah yes, a very good point... I hereby suspend land reform.

The PEASANT steps forward.

PEASANT: Suspend land reforms? Why the hell should I work when the poor get handouts from the royal treasury? BUFFA: I bet he says, "You're absolutely right". PIPPIN: You're absolutely right. I hereby revoke charity to the poor. BEGGAR: Up thine, sire! PIPPIN: Hang those bastards!

22

The BEGGAR is hanged. The other PLAYERS start to laugh.

No! Wait! Stop! Could you just let me think a minute please... FASTRADA: Oh the king is thinking. Let the king think. OTHERS: Silence the king is thinking. Let the king think. Silence for the royal think.

She sidles over to PIPPIN.

FASTRADA: Darling, you're a born ruler. You're doing a wonderful job. PIPPIN: But I haven't managed to change a single thing since my father died. FASTRADA: Exactly. Your father would have been so proud. Now about my royal allowance...

The other PLAYERS encircle PIPPIN all voicing their demands. PIPPIN grows more and more confused.

PIPPIN: Denied. Denied! Denied! Denied!

They stop.

LEADING: King Pippin, the Unpopular. PIPPIN: Leave me alone I want to pray.

They slowly exit, disgruntled. ARLECCHINA remains.

ARLECCHINA:Pray? You're the king. What in the world would you pray for? PIPPIN: Strength. ARLECCHINA:Hmm. Anything else you'd like? PIPPIN: I'd like to give my father his job back. ARLECCHINA:You want it? You got it!

PIPPIN looks around and sees the body of CHARLES. He goes to it and kneels. Slowly the corpse's hand moves to the knife and pulls it out. CHARLES rises, pointing the knife at PIPPIN, who hurriedly hands over the royal cloak and crown.

CHARLES: You called?. PIPPIN: I'm sorry, Father. CHARLES: Oh, that's all right. Just don't do it again!

CHARLES leaves. PIPPIN is crushed. PIPPIN: Dammit! Nothing ever turns out the way I thought it would! Okay, I know this is only a musical comedy, but I want my life to mean something. ARLECCHINA:But it will. It will

Other PLAYERS appear, all repeating the chant "It will", as an introduction to...

SCENE 12- The Hearth

BELLE: Enter Catherine! A young widow with a sma...

Two PLAYERS have lowered a large scarf to reveal CATHERINE, but she is missing. They look perplexed Where is she?

CATHERINE hurries in, in a flap.

CATHERINE: Sorry- I dropped my contact lense... BELLE: Just try it again. Okay?

CATHERINE exits.

BELLE: Enter Catherine! A young widow with a small boy and a large estate.

23

CATHERINE is successfully revealed. She walks downstage and notices PIPPIN asleep in the corner.

CATHERINE: When I first saw Pippin he was lying in the road like a discarded rag. I would have passed him by... Perhaps I should have passed him by, but there was something about his foot- yes, it was the arch of his foot that caught my eye.

She sits by his side.

What I did was merely an act of Christian charity. After all, I had no idea this discarded rag would clean up so well. Anyhow, the man had clearly lost the will to live, so the first thing I had to do was to get him interested in something... something that would restore his faith in humanity... something like... me.

Kind of Woman PLAYERS place PIPPIN on a sofa. CATHERINE braces herself for a big number.

CATHERINE: OOH WA!

Her GUARDIAN ANGELS appear.

ANGELS: OOH WA!

CATHERINE: I'M YOUR AVERAGE ORDINARY KIND OF WOMAN, COMPETENT AND NEAT, MAKING LIFE A TREAT. OTHERS AS NICE YOU MEET OFTEN, I KNOW- AT LEAST ONCE OR TWICE EVERY DECADE OR SO.

I'M YOUR EVERYDAY, CUSTOMARY KIND OF WOMAN, PRACTICAL AS SALT, MODEST TO A FAULT, CONSERVATIVE WITH A BUDGET, LIBERAL WITH A MEAL: JUST YOUR AVERAGE IDEAL.

MY TELLING YOU THIS MAY SEEM SUDDEN AND STRANGE. IT MAY NOT INTEREST YOU MUCH AT ALL RIGHT NOW, BUT THINGS CHANGE- THINGS CHANGE.

STILL I'LL UNDERSTAND IF I'M NOT YOUR KIND OF WOMAN, ANYONE CAN MAKE ONE TERRIBLE MISTAKE, AND I'VE NO SPECIAL GLAMOUR, NO BAIT I CAN TWIRL. FOR I'M JUST A PLAIN, EVERYDAY, COMMONPLACE, COME-WHAT-MAY, AVERAGE, ORDINARY, WONDERFUL GIRL!

There is no response from PIPPIN.

God! What a challenge! That was my best number!

CATHERINE walks down to talk to the audience.

For a long time he showed no interest in anything. Determined to pierce his Olympic -class apathy, and knowing that no man- whatever his condition- can resist the charm of a small boy, I decided to send my son Theo to talk to him...

24

THEO is carried in by a group of PLAYERS.

HARSHRA: Enter Theo: a small loveable boy, and his large loveable duck.

THEO stomps over to PIPPIN, who is trying to sleep.

THEO: Pippin! Pippin! Say hello to my duck.

He pushes the duck into PIPPIN'S face. PIPPIN ignores it.

Guess his name! PIPPIN: Norman. THEO: Wrong! His name is Otto. You're not very clever... PIPPIN: Yeah? Well, I'm clever enough to know that a duck belongs in a pond, not in my bed!

THEO thinks for a moment. He then blows a raspberry in PIPPIN's face. PIPPIN thinks for a moment, then blows a raspberry in THEO's face. THEO runs off crying.

CATHERINE: Obviously hopeless. What kind of a person rejects the friendship of a small boy? Well, I had picked him up off the road. I could throw him back out again. Out he goes...

She is about to throw him out, but is again struck by the beauty of his foot.

I'll give him one more chance. Pippin, you have been lying on this bed for seven days now. What is the matter with you? PIPPIN: It's nothing you could possibly understand. CATHERINE: Try me. Just give me a chance. PIPPIN: Alright then. You see, I have an overwhelming need to be completely fulfilled. And it has never ever happened and so I am in abject despair. CATHERINE: And that's it?

She addresses the audience.

You may think what I did next was scheming and devious.

She returns to PIPPIN.

Let me tell you something about despair.

A flashback.

I loved my husband very much. The years we spent together were the happiest days of my life. And then one day he was struck by a fever... and when his hand went cold in mine I felt my life was over. I was overcome by the deepest despair- I took to my bed for five days. But on the sixth day I got up. There were things to be done: an estate to run, a boy to raise.

The flashback ends. PIPPIN is looking at her in wonder.

Well, look at that- I think he really bought it.

PIPPIN takes her by the hand.

Pippin, this is such a large estate, and I am all alone here. I can't do all this work by myself...

The LEADING PLAYER interrupts angrily.

LEADING PLAYER: Hold it! Hold it! Actresses! You're supposed to read the line naggingly. CATHERINE: But he touched my hand- they don't usually do that. LEADING

25

PLAYER: I don't care where he put his hand! Read the line naggingly!

The LEADING PLAYER disappears.

CATHERINE: Pippin! This is such a large estate, and I am all alone here. I can't do all this work by myself. Won't you please help me? PIPPIN: Alright! Alright! But just for a little while.

CATHERINE smiles triumphantly.

SCENE 13- Everyday Life

They walk into the garden.

CATHERINE: Well, Pippin was finally out of bed and working... and slowly he became a part of our everyday life....

A musical vamp from the WORKERS begins. PIPPIN enters between two other FARM WORKERS. Rhythmically- mechanically- the till the land.

PIPPIN: How often do we do this? MOLIERE: Every day. PIPPIN: Every day? Wow.

He sees CATHERINE looking at him.

Did you say something? CATHERINE: No... no.

PIPPIN steps out of the production line and addresses the audience.

PIPPIN: I know that look. That's the look of a widow with a small boy and a large estate and nobody to sit at the head of the table.

He returns to the production line.

CATHERINE: For a while, Pippin didn't show much enthusiasm for the work... but as time went on...

PIPPIN and the WORKERS cross the stage sowing seeds. PIPPIN is totally unenthusiastic. He empties his seed bag into the bag of one of the other WORKERS.

... he showed no enthusiasm at all.

PIPPIN wanders away from the production line. He sees CATHERINE watching him.

PIPPIN: What are you looking at? CATHERINE: Nothing... nothing. Oh Pippin, there is one thing. The roof on the chicken house has sprung a leak. If you could get to it tomorrow... PIPPIN: Wait a minute! CATHERINE: ...or the day after tomorrow.

She leaves.

PIPPIN: The roof on the chicken house? I used to be emperor of the Holy Roman Empire! Alright, so I screwed it up. Still...

Extraordinary

PATCHING THE ROOF AND PITCHING THE HAY IS NOT MY IDEA OF A PERFECT DAY. WHEN YOU'RE EXTRAORDINARY YOU GOTTA DO EXTRAORDINARY THINGS.

26

I'M NOT THE TYPE WHO LOSES SLEEP OVER THE SIZE OF THE COMPOST HEAP: WHEN YOU'RE EXTRAORDINARY YOU THINK ABOUT EXTRAORDINARY THINGS.

THAT'S THE REASON I'LL NEVER BE THE KIND OF MAN WHO DWELLS ON HOW MOTHS GOT INTO THE TAPESTRY AND WHY THE DUNGEON SMELLS.

OH, IT'S HARD TO FEEL SPECIAL, IT'S HARD TO FEEL BIG FEEDING THE TURTLE AND WALKING THE PIG. IT'S SO SECONDARY TO SOMEONE WHO IS VERY EXTRAORDINARY LIKE ME.

IF THE MOAT WON'T STOP LEAKING AND THE GOAT WON'T STOP SHRIEKING AND THE GRIFFIN KEEPS LOSING ITS HAIR, IF THE WEST WING IS ROTTING AND OUR BEST WINE IS CLOTTING, WELL, I'M TERRIBLY SORRY- BUT I DON'T CARE!

I'VE GOT TO BE SOMEONE WHO LIVES ALL OF HIS LIFE IN SUPERLATIVES! WHEN YOU'RE EXTRAORDINARY YOU GOTTA DO EXTRAORDINARY THINGS.

THE FACT THAT I'M DIFFERENT IS EASY TO SEE. SO WHY DOESN'T ANYBODY KNOW IT BUT ME? I'M EXTRAORDINARY- I NEED TO DO EXTRAORDINARY THINGS.

EVERY SO OFTEN A MAN HAS A DREAM HE TRULY CAN CALL HIS. WELL HERE I AM TO SEIZE MY DAY- IF SOMEONE WILL JUST TELL ME WHEN THE HELL IT IS!

OH GIVE ME MY CHANCE, AND GIVE ME MY WINGS AND DON'T MAKE ME THINK ABOUT EVERY DAY THINGS. THEY'RE UNNECESSARY TO SOMEONE WHO IS VERY EXTRAORDINARY LIKE ME! ME!

PIPPIN is alone.

PIPPIN: ME! I am! I am extraordinary! I am.

CATHERINE enters.

That's it! I'm leaving. I'm getting out... tomorrow. CATHERINE: And then, Theo's duck fell ill.

THEO enters carrying the sick duck.

THEO: Pippin... Pippin, Otto is sick.

27

During the following, CATHERINE is not heard by PIPPIN and THEO.

PIPPIN: That's too bad, Theo. I'm sorry. CATHERINE: Pippin, this is the first time he has come to you for help. THEO: Could you look at him... please... PIPPIN: Theo, I don't know anything about ducks. CATHERINE: Pippin, try, PIPPIN: Oh, alright. Let me have a look at him.

He takes the duck reluctantly and looks at it.

CATHERINE: Now say something re-assuring. PIPPIN: This duck is dying. There's nothing I can do for it.

THEO tries to look brave. He walks away, sad. Hey, Theo- I've just thought of something. Wait a minute. Come here. Come and kneel down here next to me. Just here.

PIPPIN and THEO kneel together.

CATHERINE: It was like a painting. Man and boy at prayer. PIPPIN: God, I know this is going to sound a bit strange, but this boy really loves this duck... CATHERINE: They prayed all day. And then, just after sunset... the duck died. PIPPIN: I'm sorry, Theo.

THEO, obviously heartbroken, takes the duck in his arms and goes.

Wait a minute, Theo. We can go to the pond and get another duck.

This has no effect. THEO leaves.

Why did the goddamn duck have to die?

CATHERINE: Then, an interesting thing happened. Theo plunged himself into a monumental despair. While on the other hand, Pippin, that positive Prince of Despair, dedicated himself to raising the boy's spirits.

THEO enters with his head way down, looking very sad. PIPPIN rises and follows him, trying to be cheerful.

PIPPIN: Theo! Hey, Theo, look, we're going out to thrash some grain right now and we need another good man. You want to give us a helping hand?

THEO barely notices him.

THEO: Another time, maybe. VICENTE: But Pippin showed remarkable persistence. When one thing failed, he tried another.

Having failed to impress, PIPPIN now enters with a hula hoop.

PIPPIN: Theo- hey, Theo!

THEO wanders aimlessly.

You know... for kids!

THEO sits with his back to PIPPIN.

CATHERINE: Well, most men would have given up. But Pippin, with amazing perseverance, tried yet another way.

28

PIPPIN enters with a little lamb behind his back.

PIPPIN: Theo, guess what I have for you. Now don't turn around 'till I count to three, okay? One! Two! Three! Look!

THEO looks. He looks at PIPPIN.

THEO: That's not a duck, dummy! PIPPIN: Did I say it was going to be a duck?

THEO leaves. PIPPIN is dejected. He looks at the lamb.

PIPPIN: What are you looking at? You were a flop!

PIPPIN now sits dejected. CATHERINE walks to him and touches his shoulder. She kisses him lightly on the cheek. The LEADING PLAYER appears.

LEADING PLAYER: Listen, I think we're going to skip the next part of this. Nothing much really happens...

PIPPIN and CATHERINE are now walking hand in hand upstage.

A little bit of this, a little bit of that... well, a whole lot of that!

PIPPIN and CATHERINE now head downstage.

BUFFA: But the season changed as it always does. Pages flew off the calendar. Suddenly- shamelessly- and without warning, as must happen in all musical comedies, they were struck by... a love scene...

CATHERINE: Close your eyes. PIPPIN: Why? CATHERINE: We've got a surprise for you.

THEO runs in and throws his arms around Pippin.

THEO: We've got a surprise!

THEO has set up a picnic. CATHERINE leads PIPPIN to the picnic.

CATHERINE: Keep your eyes closed, Pippin. Now, no peeping. PIPPIN: I don't usually like surprises. CATHERINE: Well, you'll like this one. PIPPIN: Can I open my eyes please? CATHERINE: Yes, now you can.

PIPPIN opens his eyes. CATHERINE reveals a special dish.

Quince pudding surprise! Oh, I haven't made it for years! But I thought for this special occasion... PIPPIN: What special occasion? CATHERINE: Well, it's six months since you arrived here, so Theo and I thought we would celebrate with a little party. In the six months that you have been with us you have come to mean a great deal to me... to us... to our everyday lives. So I just want to say for me- and Theo- we're glad you're here. And now, well, we have so many good years ahead of us...

She and THEO hug PIPPIN.

PIPPIN: I've got to get out of here.

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CATHERINE: Pippin, what's the matter? PIPPIN: I just can't stay here. CATHERINE: I don't understand. PIPPIN: I've got to go. CATHERINE: Why? PIPPIN: Because... this isn't enough. Life is more than ducks... and leaking roofs and quince pudding surprise! CATHERINE: Are you sure? PIPPIN: Yes I'm sure. And I'm not going to be stuck doing the same boring thing every day.... CATHERINE: ... and every night? PIPPIN: Don't you see? There has to be something more than this. CATHERINE: Maybe there isn't any more. PIPPIN: There has to be...

Corner of the Sky (a Capella Reprise)

The following is sung and spoken together.

PIPPIN: RIVERS BELONG WHERE THEY CAN RAMBLE. EAGLES BELONG WHERE THEY CAN FLY. I'VE GOT TO BE WHERE MY SPIRIT CAN RUN FEE- GOTTA FIND...

CATHERINE: I loved my husband very much. The years we spent together were the happiest days of my life. And then one day he was struck by a fever... and when his hand went cold in mine I felt my life was over. I was overcome by the deepest despair- I took to my bed for five days. But on the sixth day I got up. There were things to be done: an estate to run, a boy to raise.

PIPPIN walks away. The light begins to fade.

SCENE 14- The Finale The stage is in darkness except for an eerie light shining up on the faces of the PLAYERS. They hum the vamp from the opening number as PIPPIN enters and sits at the front of the stage, looking discontented.

LEADING PLAYER: So, Pippin, I guess you've finally realised what we knew from the beginning. PIPPIN: What's that? LEADING PLAYER: That your search for perfection and fulfilment was doomed from the start. HARLEQUIN: Nothing ever turns out the way you think it's going to. FLORENZ: It's all flawed in one way or another. AHI: Isn't that so true? LEADING PLAYER: Nothing has been completely fulfilling now, has it Pippin? PIPPIN: No.

The PLAYERS all nod knowingly.

I guess there is nothing. LEADING PLAYER: Wait! Wait a minute! There is something. PIPPIN: There is? What? LEADING PLAYER: The one and only completely perfect act in our repertoire: the grand finale. ALL: The finale!

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A large magic box appears. The LEADING PLAYER claps and KORATA with the fizzing stick of dynamite runs in again.

KORATA: Now? LEADING PLAYER: Now.

KORATA runs up to the box. The front opens to reveal a realistic-looking dummy. The door is closed. KORATA throws in the dynamite which explodes loudly. The door opens and BELLE emerges, unharmed.

ALL: Ta da! PIPPIN: Was that the finale? But it was just a trick. LEADING PLAYER: When he does it, it's just a trick. But when you do it, it'll be for real. PIPPIN: When I do it?

All the PLAYERS nod.

You mean you want me to get inside that box and blow myself to pieces?

The PLAYERS begin to close in.

Wait a minute! BELLE: You will step into the flames, Pippin. ELLE: Become part of that flame. COLUMBINE: Be engulfed by that flame. AHI: Become flame itself! LEADING PLAYER: And for one moment shine with unequalled brilliance. FASTRADA: In that flame you'll become a glorious synthesis of life and death. LEADING PLAYER: And life again! LEWIS: Neat! LEADING PLAYER: Ladies and Gentlemen! Presenting the Great Pippin, in our grand finale- never before seen on a public stage!

A drum rolls. The PLAYERS all laugh and cheer excitedly- even ghoulishly.

PIPPIN: Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Look, if this finale is so spectacular, why doesn't one of you do it? LEADING PLAYER: Cute- that's very cute. But look, we're just ordinary run-of-the-mill people. Just your everyday men and women who keep this world spinning... hell, we're nothing.

They all begin to close in on PIPPIN again.

But you, Pippin, you're an extraordinary human being, with extraordinary aspirations and dreams. ARLECCHINA:You deserve an extraordinary climax. BUFFA: An unparalleled finale. LEADING PLAYER: It's everything you've been looking for! HARLEQUIN: Your dream. HARSHRA: Complete and ultimate fulfilment! VICENTE: Perfection! Like the sun blazing in the sky. LEADING PLAYER: The sun at its zenith!

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Finale

THINK ABOUT THE SUN, PIPPIN. THINK ABOUT HER GOLDEN GLANCE- HOW SHE LIGHTS THE WORLD UP WELL, NOW IT'S YOUR CHANCE. WITH THE GUARDIAN OF SPLENDOUR INVITING YOU TO DANCE. PIPPIN! THINK ABOUT THE SUN...

PIPPIN is becoming mesmerised. The PLAYERS try to lure him to the box.

ALL: Now Pippin... come on, Pippin... it's ready for you. LEADING PLAYER: Now, Pippin... it's time. PIPPIN: Look, it's just that if this isn't it, I'm going to have a pretty tough time trying something else. CHARLES: Pippin, you show a certain lack of poise. ELLE: Think of the radiance. VEGA: Remember the beauty. BELLE: Admiring glances. BUFFA: Thunderous applause. KORATA: Think of the word-of-mouth. LEADING PLAYER: THINK ABOUT YOUR LIFE, PIPPIN, FASTRADA: DAYS ARE TAME AND NIGHTS THE SAME. LEADING PLAYER: NOW THINK ABOUT THE BEAUTY BOTH: IN ONE PERFECT FLAME!

As the other PLAYERS join in, the set becomes more radiant and dramatic.

LEADING PLAYER & FASTRADA:AND THE ANGELS OF THE MORNING ALL: AAH... ARE CALLING OUT YOUR NAME: PIPPIN! PIPPIN! LEADING PLAYER: THINK ABOUT THE... ALL: SUN!

The tempo picks up. The PLAYERS try to give the occasion a little razzmatazz!

FASTRADA: More lights, perhaps? LEADING PLAYER: You want more lights? You got 'em!

The mood becomes almost evangelical.

ALL: THINK ABOUT YOUR LIFE, PIPPIN THINK ABOUT THE DREAMS YOU PLANNED. THINK ABOUT THE MOMENT THAT'S SO CLOSE AT HAND. WHEN THE POWER AND THE GLORY ARE THERE AT YOUR COMMAND. PIPPIN, THINK ABOUT YOUR LIFE.

THINK ABOUT THE SUN, PIPPIN, THINK ABOUT HER GOLDEN GLANCE HOW SHE LIGHTS THE WORLD UP-

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WELL, NOW IT'S YOUR CHANCE! WITH THE GUARDIANS OF SPLENDOUR INVITING YOU TO DANCE. PIPPIN, THINK ABOUT THE SUN.

In the course of the next verse unison becomes harmony. PIPPIN is slowly being convinced by the argument. THINK ABOUT YOUR LIFE, PIPPIN THINK ABOUT THE DREAMS YOU PLANNED. THINK ABOUT THE MOMENT THAT'S SO CLOSE AT HAND. WHEN THE POWER AND THE GLORY ARE THERE AT YOUR COMMAND. WHEN THE POWER AND THE GLORY ARE THERE AT YOUR COMMAND. WHEN THE POWER AND THE GLORY ARE THERE AT YOUR COMMAND.

PIPPIN, THINK ABOUT YOUR LIFE.

PIPPIN now has the stick of dynamite in his hand. He walks slowly towards the box.

RIVERS BELONG WHERE THEY CAN RAMBLE! EAGLES BELONG WHERE THEY CAN FLY!

PIPPIN breaks away and runs to the front of the stage.

PIPPIN: No! Wait! Stop, please!

The PLAYERS freeze.

I'M NOT A RIVER OR A GIANT BIRD THAT SOARS TO THE SEA. AND IF I'M NEVER TIED TO ANYTHING I'LL NEVER BE FREE.

Surprisingly, CATHERINE and THEO now enter and walk to PIPPIN's side.

LEADING PLAYER: What the hell are you doing here? Hey what are you doing, Pippin? Come on, stop this nonsense ... the finale, Pippin... our grand finale. ALL: (Ad lib) The finale, Pippin... MOLIERE: Coward! HARLEQUIN: Fraud! ALL: Compromiser!

PIPPIN: I WANTED MAGIC SHOWS AND MIRACLES- MIRAGES TO TOUCH. I WANTED SUCH A LITTLE THING FROM LIFE- I WANTED SO MUCH. I NEVER CAME CLOSE MY LOVE, WE NEARLY CAME NEAR. I THINK IT WAS THERE...

To CATHERINE.

I THINK IT WAS HERE. LEADING PLAYER: Pippin, surely you're not to disappoint all this nice people- at ten pounds a ticket, are you? Alright, you see what it's like without us. Take away the set. Everything out.

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Move it!

The set begins to disappear.

Coloured lights out! Take 'em out. Pinks and reds out. Well, that's not too flattering is it, Pippin? PIPPIN does not answer.

Costumes! Get their costumes!

The PLAYERS strip PIPPIN and CATHERINE to plain unitards.

Make-up- let's go. Get it off- and the wig. Look around Pippin. How do things look now? PIPPIN: THEY SHOWED ME CRIMSON, GOLD AND LAVENDER- A SHINING PARADE... LEADING PLAYER: A mole! Look, she has a mole on her face. You are going to spend the rest of your life with a woman who has a mole? PIPPIN: BUT THERE'S NO COLOUR I CAN HAVE ON EARTH THAT WON'T FINALLY FADE.

FASTRADA: And that kid. He's gonna whine twenty-four hours a day! Oh gimme this- oh gimme that! PIPPIN: WHEN I WANTED WORLDS TO PAINT... LEADING PLAYER: This is the way you want to live? Is this what you want? PIPPIN: AND COSTUMES TO WEAR... ARLECCHINA:No costumes? VEGA: No make-up? PIPPIN: I THINK IT WAS HERE... BUFFA: No coloured lights? PIPPIN: 'CAUSE IT NEVER WAS THERE. LEADING PLAYER: And no magic!

The LEADING PLAYER is furious. A PLAYER whispers in her ear that the audience is still watching. The LEADING PLAYER regains composure.

LEADING PLAYER: Ladies and Gentlemen, we apologise for our inability to bring you our grand finale this evening as we promised. It seems our extraordinary young man has elected to compromise his aspirations. But I know there are many of you out there- exceptional people- who would gladly trade your ordinary lives for the opportunity to do one perfect act: our grand finale. Now if you should decide to do so, we'll be there for you... waiting... anytime you want us. Why, we're right inside your heads. And we promise you: HARSHRA: Sets! FLORENZ: Costumes! COLUMBINE: Lights! BELLE: Magic! LEADING PLAYER: And a short- but spectacular- career.

The PLAYERS all reach out the audience, singling out people and enticing them to volunteer.

LEADING PLAYER: No? Okay. Let's go. Out! Everybody out! Out.

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The PLAYERS leave.

Take out the rest of the lights.

Only a working light remains, and the follow-spot on the LEADING PLAYER.

Band, thank you very much. Pack up your gear, thank you. Let's go. Get your damn hands off that keyboard!

The LEADING PLAYER turns malevolently to where PIPPIN, CATHERINE and THEO are holding hands in the working light, looking straight to the front.

You try singing without music, sweetheart!

The LEADING PLAYER disappears.

PIPPIN: I WANTED MAGIC SHOWS AND MIRACLES MIRAGES TO TOUCH. I WANTED SUCH A LITTLE THING FROM LIFE- I WANTED SO MUCH.

CATHERINE: Pippin, do you feel that you've compromised?

PIPPIN: No. CATHERINE: Do you feel like a coward? PIPPIN: No. CATHERINE: How do you feel? PIPPIN: Trapped... but happy. Which isn't too bad for the end of a musical comedy.

They beam at each other and turn upstage, walking hand in hand in hand. As they walk away, a terrific sunrise is seen before them, and the band strikes a full-bodied end to the show, but the PLAYERS are returning for THEO. The End