Activity 2: Activity 2: What What Makes Makes

Couples Couples Tick? Tick?

OverviewOverview In this activity you will learn about the factors In this activity you will learn about the factors

influencing the decisions and behaviours in influencing the decisions and behaviours in intimate relationships, including destructive intimate relationships, including destructive factors and conflict resolution strategies.  factors and conflict resolution strategies. 

You will explore factors influencing satisfaction You will explore factors influencing satisfaction with enduring couple relationships, and role-play with enduring couple relationships, and role-play conflict resolution strategies. conflict resolution strategies.

You will demonstrate your understanding of You will demonstrate your understanding of current research on factors influencing current research on factors influencing satisfaction with enduring relationships by satisfaction with enduring relationships by summarizing your knowledge in a discussion, and summarizing your knowledge in a discussion, and by creating a Top 10 List of Highly Effective by creating a Top 10 List of Highly Effective Couples.Couples.

Marital Satisfaction Marital Satisfaction

Marital satisfaction varies Marital satisfaction varies predictably and normally over predictably and normally over the course of a relationship’s the course of a relationship’s lifespan.lifespan.

Marital satisfaction is Marital satisfaction is largely subjective, largely subjective, and depends on the and depends on the perception of the perception of the partners.  partners. 

A relationship in A relationship in which the needs, which the needs, interests, and interests, and expectations of each expectations of each partner match is partner match is considered a considered a satisfying satisfying relationship.relationship.

Married people tend to be happier than non-married people

Influences on Marital Influences on Marital SatisfactionSatisfaction

Marital Marital satisfaction is satisfaction is heavily heavily influenced by influenced by each partner’s each partner’s degree of degree of commitmentcommitment to to maintaining the maintaining the relationship.  relationship. 

Enduring relationships are satisfying for both partners

Marital satisfaction is Marital satisfaction is improved when each improved when each partner has a partner has a healthy healthy self-identityself-identity, and , and functions as a secure functions as a secure individual within the individual within the relationship. relationship.

The The developmental stagedevelopmental stage of the of the relationshiprelationship is a is a reliable predictor of reliable predictor of marriage satisfaction. marriage satisfaction.

Satisfaction levels off, Satisfaction levels off, however, as the relationship however, as the relationship matures and the couple matures and the couple develop coping strategies develop coping strategies and a marital system. and a marital system.

How well a couple deals with their How well a couple deals with their conflicts influences their sense of conflicts influences their sense of satisfaction with their relationship. satisfaction with their relationship.

Homogenous spouses tend to Homogenous spouses tend to report fewer conflicts and greater report fewer conflicts and greater satisfaction with their relationship satisfaction with their relationship than spouses who do not share than spouses who do not share similar interests and values. similar interests and values.

ConflictConflict

NatureNature The presence of The presence of

conflictconflict in a in a relationship is normal relationship is normal and natural.  Not and natural.  Not attempting to resolve attempting to resolve the conflicts, however, the conflicts, however, can be an indicator of can be an indicator of power inequality and power inequality and relationship trouble.  relationship trouble. 

CausesCauses

Conflict in a new marriage can Conflict in a new marriage can arise as the romantic ideal of arise as the romantic ideal of “being married” meets the daily “being married” meets the daily reality of living with another reality of living with another person.  person. 

Resolving the psychological Resolving the psychological Independence vs. Dependence, Independence vs. Dependence, and Intimacy vs. Isolation crises and Intimacy vs. Isolation crises are important milestones at this are important milestones at this stage.stage.

Causes continued…Causes continued…

In an established relationship, In an established relationship, typical conflicts are over typical conflicts are over money and the division of money and the division of household chores.  household chores. 

Spouses may find themselves Spouses may find themselves becoming emotionally distant becoming emotionally distant from, or resentful of, each from, or resentful of, each other.  Sexual relationships other.  Sexual relationships may also decline. may also decline. 

Causes Causes continued.continued.....

Normative and non-Normative and non-normative crisesnormative crises cause conflict and stress cause conflict and stress in intimate in intimate relationships.  relationships. 

Normative eventsNormative events, , such as becoming such as becoming parents and retirement, parents and retirement, are significant and bring are significant and bring many adjustments to many adjustments to the relationship.  the relationship. 

New couples need to establish ways to deal with conflict.

Conflict TheoryConflict Theory

Conflict theorists explain the source Conflict theorists explain the source of conflict as a power inequity of conflict as a power inequity between the partners.between the partners.

Individual motivators are strong Individual motivators are strong influences on behaviour, as each influences on behaviour, as each person attempts to resolve the person attempts to resolve the conflict in a way that benefits conflict in a way that benefits him/her. When conflicts are him/her. When conflicts are repeatedly resolved in favour of one repeatedly resolved in favour of one spouse, power inequities emerge. spouse, power inequities emerge.

Unresolved Unresolved conflicts lead to conflicts lead to marital marital dissatisfaction dissatisfaction and power and power inequalities. inequalities.

Heterogamous Heterogamous relationships relationships report greater report greater conflicts. conflicts.

Unresolved conflicts lead to marital dissatisfaction and power inequalities.

Expectations and Expectations and pressures, from the pressures, from the individuals as well as from individuals as well as from society, can bring conflict society, can bring conflict to a relationship. to a relationship.

Communication Communication StrategiesStrategies

Successful Successful negotiation is the negotiation is the result of open and result of open and honest honest communication communication between the between the partners, examining partners, examining choices and options, choices and options, flexibility, flexibility, accommodation, and accommodation, and tolerance. tolerance.

Negotiation is the key to conflict resolution.

Spouses who can read each Spouses who can read each other’s cues accurately are other’s cues accurately are more likely to communicate more likely to communicate successfully. Individuals who successfully. Individuals who have difficulty understanding have difficulty understanding their partners’ signals report their partners’ signals report less satisfaction in their less satisfaction in their relationships. relationships.

Couples who report Couples who report quality quality communication communication patterns feel more patterns feel more satisfied with their satisfied with their relationship. relationship.

Nonverbal cues are just as important as verbal communication.

Problem solvingProblem solving

A couple’s belief that they A couple’s belief that they can resolve conflict is a can resolve conflict is a strong predictor of their strong predictor of their ability to reconcile their ability to reconcile their differences.differences.

Effective communication Effective communication transmits the message transmits the message clearly.  clearly. 

The receiver understands the The receiver understands the intended message, and it is intended message, and it is not misunderstood. not misunderstood. 

Decision MakingDecision Making Negotiating a “win-win” Negotiating a “win-win”

situation, with a mutually-situation, with a mutually-beneficial outcome, or beneficial outcome, or taking turns are two healthy taking turns are two healthy ways to resolve conflict.   ways to resolve conflict.  

Sharing decision-making Sharing decision-making responsibilities is most responsibilities is most effective when it is based on effective when it is based on each partner’s interests and each partner’s interests and areas of expertise, and areas of expertise, and when the decision-making when the decision-making power is balanced. power is balanced.

A couples who does not have good problem solving and decision making skills will be unhappy in their relationship.

Spouses who are interested in Spouses who are interested in making good decisions must first making good decisions must first agree on the goal, or ideal agree on the goal, or ideal outcome. Then they can create a outcome. Then they can create a set of possible actions to achieve set of possible actions to achieve that outcome. that outcome.

Together, they can decide on the Together, they can decide on the best course of action, one that is best course of action, one that is most likely to accomplish their most likely to accomplish their goal. goal.