advice from dead celebrities
TRANSCRIPT
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8/3/2019 Advice From Dead Celebrities
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Avon, Massachusetts
Advicefrom
Dead
Celebrities
A. J. BARNES
Illustrated by
AARON WAITE
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Copyright 2012 by F+W Media, Inc.All rights reserved.
Tis book, or parts thereo, may not be reproduced in anyorm without permission rom the publisher
exceptions aremade or brie excerpts used in published reviews.
Published byAdams Media, a division o F+W Media, Inc.57 Littlefeld Street, Avon, MA 02322. U.S.A.
www.adamsmedia.com
ISBN 10: 1-4405-3002-5ISBN 13: 978-1-4405-3002-9
eISBN 10: 1-4405-3058-0eISBN 13: 978-1-4405-3058-6
Printed in the United States o America.
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Datais available rom the publisher.
Tis book is available at quantity discounts for bulk purchases.For information, please call 1-800-289-0963.
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Advice from Dead Celebrities
A.J. BarnesIllustrated by Aaron Waite
Available for purchase from:
AmazonAdams Media
Barnes and Noble
http://www.amazon.com/Advice-Dead-Celebrities-J-Barnes/dp/1440530025/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1318260579&sr=1-1http://www.adamsmediastore.com/product/advice-from-dead-celebrities/humorhttp://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/advice-from-dead-celebrities-a-j-barnes/1100816895?ean=9781440530029&itm=1&usri=advice%2bfrom%2bdead%2bcelebritieshttp://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/advice-from-dead-celebrities-a-j-barnes/1100816895?ean=9781440530029&itm=1&usri=advice%2bfrom%2bdead%2bcelebritieshttp://www.adamsmediastore.com/product/advice-from-dead-celebrities/humorhttp://www.amazon.com/Advice-Dead-Celebrities-J-Barnes/dp/1440530025/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1318260579&sr=1-1 -
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Advice from Alive Lawyers
Te pearls o wisdom on the ollowing pages have not been providedor endorsed by any o the celebrities whose names appear in thisbookthough that should be blindingly obvious given that they allhave one thing in common: every last one o the people mentionedin this book is dead.
Sadly, the deceased have played no part in contributing to thisbook. Perhaps even sadder, the advice enclosed is exclusively thediseased imagining o the Author, and even he reuses to be heldaccountable or damages caused by anyone dumb enough to take
anything in this book seriously.So while we invite you to sit back and chuckle/gasp in horror/
read aloud to similarly sick-minded individuals, we do have one veryreal piece o advice or you:
Do not try this at home.
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Mama Cass Elliot 8
Julia Child 10
Don Knotts 12
John Lennon 14
Corey Haim 16
Brandon Lee 16
Andrew Koenig 16
Amy Winehouse 17
Karen Carpenter 17
Christopher Marlowe 17
Bruce Lee 18
Gary Coleman 20
Marlon Brando 22
John Ritter 24
Vincent van Gogh 26
Charles M. Schulz 26
Evel Knievel 26
Curly Howard 27
Desi Arnaz 27
Charlton Heston 27
James Dean 28
Bela Lugosi 30
John Candy 32
Burgess Meredith 34
Pat Morita 36Charlie Chaplin 38
Jayne Mansfeld 40
Gloria Stuart 40
Natalie Wood 40
Aaron Spelling 41
Ed Wood 41
Stanley Kubrick 41
James Doohan 42
Albert Einstein 44
Lucille Ball 46
Lewis Carroll 48
Clark Gable 48
Michael Crichton 48
Phil Harris 49
J. M. Barrie 49
Chris Benoit 49
Elizabeth aylor 50
Audrey Hepburn 52
Farrah Fawcett 54
ed Williams 56
Margaret Mitchell 56
Rocky Marciano 56
Charles Darwin 57
Sigmund Freud 57
Martin Luther King 57
Bea Arthur 58
Marilyn Monroe 60
Judy Garland 62 Anna Nicole Smith 64
Jimmy Stewart 66
Caligula 68
Dead Offering Advice
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Jesus 68
Marie Curie 68
Julius Caesar 69imothy Leary 69
John Hughes 69
Alred Hitchcock 70
John Belushi 72
Chris Farley 74
Lisa Let Eye Lopes 76
Jerey Dahmer 76
Dave Tomas 76Marvin Gaye 77
Johnny Cash 77
Selena 77
Rodney Dangerfeld 78
George Carlin 80
Babe Ruth 82
Andr the Giant 84
Aaliyah 86Michael Hutchence 86
John Phillips 86
Sylvia Plath 87
Jim Henson 87
Jim Varney 87
Bobby Kennedy 88
John F. Kennedy 90
Ronald Reagan 92Benjamin Franklin 94
Lee Harvey Oswald 96
Je Conaway 96
Emily Bront 96
John Wilkes Booth 97
Joan o Arc 97
Tomas Jeerson 97
Princess Diana 98Richard Nixon 100
Saddam Hussein 102
Teodore Roosevelt 104
Lyndon B. Johnson 104
Jimmy Carter 104
Paul Revere 105
George Washington 105
Amelia Earhart 105 Al Capone 106
Henry VIII 108
Adol Hitler 110
Sammy Davis, Jr. 112
Boris Karlo 114
Jonathan Brandis 114
Cary Grant 114
J. R. R. olkien 115Pedro Zamora 115
Stieg Larsson 115
Mother eresa 116
Mahatma Gandhi 118
Sid Vicious 120
Jerry Garcia 122
Buddy Holly 124
Jimmy Hoa 126Dr. Kevorkian 126
Andy Kauman 126
Bob Hope 127
Phil Hartman 127
George Steinbrenner 127
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Elvis Presley 128
Te Notorious B.I.G. 130
upac Shakur 132Kurt Cobain 134
Frank Sinatra 136
Christopher Reeve 138
John Holmes 138
J. Edgar Hoover 138
Orson Welles 139
Michael Landon 139
Grace Kelly 139 Janis Joplin 140
Michael Jackson 142
Osama bin Laden 144
Patrick Swayze 144
Leslie Nielsen 144
Dennis Hopper 145
James Cagney 145
John Wayne 145 Jim Morrison 146
Bob Marley 148
Jimi Hendrix 150
Freddie Mercury 152
Layne Staley 154
Gene Kelly 154
Paul Newman 154
Anthony Perkins 155DeForest Kelley 155
Roy Scheider 155
James Brown 156
Sonny Bono 158
George Harrison 160
Steve Irwin 162
Edward Kennedy 164
Karl Marx 164 Anne Boleyn 164
Randy Macho Man Savage 165
Leonardo da Vinci 165
Anne Frank 165
Mr. Rogers 166
Vincent Price 168
Heath Ledger 170
Bob Ross 172Edgar Allan Poe 174
Brittany Murphy 176
Linda Lovelace 176
Vivien Leigh 176
Eartha Kitt 177
Zelda Rubinstein 177
Bettie Page 177
Johnny Carson 178Ed McMahon 180
Walt Disney 182
Billy Mays 184
Rod Serling 186
Ryan Dunn 188
Elizabeth Edwards 188
Abraham Lincoln 188
Joe DiMaggio 189Gianni Versace 189
Margaret Hamilton 189
William Shakespeare 190
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Mama Cass ElliotA S, M M & P
(September 19, 1941July 29, 1974)
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Chew your food
thoroughly and carefully.
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Julia ChildA C, A, P
(August 15, 1912August 13, 2004)
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One day, all that butterwill catch up to you
(Im looking at you,
Paula Deen).
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Don KnottsA C, A
(July 21, 1924February 24, 2006)
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Playing second ddle will
only leave you whistling
Dixie.
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John LennonB M, S
(October 9, 1940December 8, 1980)
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Bros before hoes.
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Corey HaimGet lost.
Brandon LeeDont bring a gun to a ake fght.
Andrew KoenigEvery boner has a tragic ending.
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Amy WinehouseI they try to make you go to rehab,
say, Yes, yes, yes.
Karen CarpenterBreakast is the most important meal o the day.
Christopher MarloweAvoid bar brawls and keep your ideas to yoursel.
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Bruce LeeC-A A, M A
(November 27, 1940July 20, 1973)
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The family that works
together, dies together.
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Advice from Dead Celebrities
A.J. BarnesIllustrated by Aaron Waite
Available for purchase from:
AmazonAdams Media
Barnes and Noble
http://www.amazon.com/Advice-Dead-Celebrities-J-Barnes/dp/1440530025/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1318260579&sr=1-1http://www.adamsmediastore.com/product/advice-from-dead-celebrities/humorhttp://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/advice-from-dead-celebrities-a-j-barnes/1100816895?ean=9781440530029&itm=1&usri=advice%2bfrom%2bdead%2bcelebritieshttp://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/advice-from-dead-celebrities-a-j-barnes/1100816895?ean=9781440530029&itm=1&usri=advice%2bfrom%2bdead%2bcelebritieshttp://www.adamsmediastore.com/product/advice-from-dead-celebrities/humorhttp://www.amazon.com/Advice-Dead-Celebrities-J-Barnes/dp/1440530025/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1318260579&sr=1-1