African American Faith Based Bereavement Initiative

African American Faith Based Bereavement InitiativeHolding Up the mirrorfor clergy

Module 3Our Personal Struggle with Infant and Pregnancy Loss Family members report that they feel their losses are invisible in their churchesFor some clergy downplayed their lossesLoss of an infant or pregnancy is painful and upsetting to all of usDoes our pain or fear of it keep us from supporting families?Module 3AAFBBI Curriculum 2011 NCCCUse this to introduce the activity for the module:

In preparing this curriculum, developers sought input from individual clergy from African American churches. In several instances, these clergy said that there were no problems with families experiencing fetal and infant loss in their communities. Yet, knowing the current statistics about the inequitable burden of these losses in the African American community, the developers wondered why this tragedy was not evident to some clergy. Input from family members who have experienced fetal or infant loss, revealed that far too many perceived that their losses were invisible within their churches. Their clergy seemed to downplay their losses or be less supportive than they would have hoped.

So the question arosewhy would caring and dedicated clergy not see this deep source of pain in among the members if their congregations. The answer seems to lie in how upsetting and painful the loss of a pregnancy or an infant is to all of us. To see and reach out to congregants, clergy may first have to look within themselves. 3A reflectionThe Rev. Dr. Ronald David (Department of Pastoral Care, the Hospital of the Good Samaritan, Los Angeles, California) provided the following eloquent words to help with that inward look.The Rev. Dr. David is a Fellow in the American Academy of Pediatrics, board certified in neonatal-perinatal medicine, ordained as a priest in the Episcopal Church USA, and a supervisor in clinical pastoral education in the College of Pastoral Supervision and Psychotherapy.

Module 3AAFBBI Curriculum 2011 NCCCHand out Sitting Shiva and either read it aloud or have someone in the group do so. It is very moving and provide time for participants to deal with their feelings before beginning the discussion.4Questions for reflection1. Thinking back, what have your reactions been to the news about a pregnancy or infant loss?

2. How do you encourage families to share such news within your congregation?

3. Has your own family experienced such a loss? How does that affect your reactions to hearing this news from others?

Module 3AAFBBI Curriculum 2011 NCCCHand out the questions and allow participants to go through them. If the group is small, bring them back to discuss and share with the group. If it is a larger group, consider having them talk to each other in small groups and at the end, share a few thoughts with the whole group.5Questions for reflection4. What are ways that you can keep yourself from putting up the three obstacles to sitting shiva:a. running from the painb. trying to explain the unexplainablec. blaming (the parents, the medical system, etc.)5. What supports and self-care do you need and use to help you do this painful and difficult work?

Module 3AAFBBI Curriculum 2011 NCCC6A Family VoiceMother who lost her baby talks about her experience in her church.

Module 3AAFBBI Curriculum 2011 NCCCNicole_AlstonMichael WilkinsonMichael Wilkinson's Album201190071.18eng - iTunNORM 00000048 00000016 000027B5 00000DFA 00001849 00001849 000084D9 00007AE0 0000B8E5 00013168eng - iTunSMPB 00000000 00000210 00000A08 00000000003C8FE8 00000000 00000000 00000000 00000000 00000000 00000000 00000000 00000000