Agenda 3/16

• Focus: Editing for argument, organization and writing fluency

• 6th hour: Sharing poem imitations• Peer grading with the rubric: Focus on the 1st

two columns (“Development of Position” and “Organization”)

• SAS editing for “Use of Language” and “Sentence Structure” (password: ahswarriors)

• HW: Follow the website calendar. Remember that your cumulative vocab. test is tomorrow.

It’s the final countdown…

55 hours to go…

Tick tock, tick tock

Agenda 3/17

• Focus: Transforming your essay into a glorious, shining piece of rhetorical brilliance

• Cumulative vocab. test: Units 1-7

• A special presentation just for you

• ALIS editing: What’s wrong with my sentence?

• HW: Follow the website calendar.

Agenda 3/18

• Focus: Transforming your essay into a glorious, shining piece of rhetorical brilliance

• Finish our riveting round of “What’s wrong with my sentence?”

• An intensive 20 minutes of self-editing• The final round: Grading with the rubric• HW: Put together your ALIS folder and plan

on turning it in tomorrow (Friday 3 pm at the latest, no late work accepted).

It’s Time To Play… “What’s Wrong with My

Sentence?”

It’s fun for the whole family!

• He regarded all natives as sly, ignorant, and not to be depended on.

• Issue: Parallel structure

• Fixed: He regarded all natives as sly, ignorant, and untrustworthy.

• This passage depicts the roaring of the cannon, the running of the horses, and how afraid the inexperienced soldiers were.

• Issue: Parallel structure

• Fixed: This passage depicts the roaring of the cannon, the running of the horses, and the inexperience of the soldiers.

• Capote emphasizes society's influence in the stereotyping of genders and the battle for supremacy between the two genders to control each other.

• Issue: Parallel structure/wordiness

• Fixed: Capote emphasizes the social stereotypes of genders and their battles for control.

• It was during his freshman year that Jack discovered the existence of girls in the world.

• Issue: Wordiness

• Fixed: During his freshman year Jack discovered girls.

• Her first solo flight alone was very frightening, but her second flight was really invigorating.

• Issue: Wordiness/violation of the Kakos bad word list (really and very)

• Fixed: Her first solo flight was frightening, but her second was invigorating.

• The narrator had insomnia, walking helped him to relax.

• Issue: Comma splice (two independent clauses joined by only a comma)

• Fixed: The narrator had insomnia, but walking helped him to relax.

• The narrator had insomnia; walking helped him to relax.

• Though the narrator had insomnia, walking helped him to relax.

• Edna was so consumed by her thoughts of Robert, she neglected her household duties.

• Issue: Comma splice

• Fixed: Edna was so consumed by her thoughts of Robert that she neglected her household duties.

• Because Edna was so consumed by her thoughts of Robert, she neglected her household duties.

• The house was old and spacious; holding many memories.

• Issue: Misused semicolon (if you use a semicolon, you must have complete sentences on BOTH sides of it).

• Fixed: The house was old and spacious; it held many memories.

• After Robert left for Mexico, Edna feels that the world is dull and colorless.

• Issue: Tense shift (leave your sentences in the present tense)

• Fixed: After Robert leaves for Mexico, Edna feels that world is dull and colorless.

• At the beginning of the novel, the society regards Wilson as a “Pudd’nhead”; however, Wilson regained his reputations when he won the court case in the end.

• Issue: Tense shift

• Fixed: At the beginning of the novel, the society regards Wilson as a “Pudd’nhead; however, Wilson regains his reputations when he wins the court case in the end.

• Seth must attempt to be good again because he has done a lot of bad things.

• Issue: Kakos bad word list! (good, a lot, bad, things)

• Fix: Seth must attempt to be virtuous again because he has committed endless atrocities.

• The protagonist does not conform.

• Issue: Kakos bad word list (not)

• Fixed: The protagonist refuses to conform.

• By facing Macduff, Macbeth shows that he isn’t afraid of death.

• Issue: Kakos bad word list (not)

• Fixed: By facing Macduff, Macbeth shows that he is unafraid of death.

• Walker shows how one can regain their faith.

• Problem: Subject-verb agreement

• Walker shows how one can regain his or her faith.

• Walker shows how one can regain one’s faith.• Walker shows how we can regain our faith.

• Fitzgerald questions whether one’s social position can determine their happiness.

• Problem: Subject-verb agreement

• Fitzgerald questions whether one’s social position can determine one’s happiness.

• Fitzgerald questions whether people’s social positions can determine their happiness.

ALIS Folder Checklist

• Must haves:• Your stapled, final draft (with a Works Cited

page)• At least two rough drafts with editing comments• Your rough draft with my comments (if you

turned one in)

• Optional:• Your ALIS essay from last semester• A mix CD for Ms. Leclaire to put her in a happy

mood while she grades your essay