English 11H

Writing PortfolioBy: Aidan Barry

Mrs. McCarthy

F Period

06 June 2014

Contents

1.) Goal Follow-Up (Slides 3-6)

2.) Methods of Eliminating Wordiness (Slides 7-8)

3.) Comma Errors (Slides 9-12)

4.) Major Essay Revision (Slides 13-18)

5.) Adolescent Email Thread (Slides 19-21)

6.) Personal Narrative (Slide 22)

7.) Creative Component (Slide 23)

8.) Overall Reflection (Slide 24)

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First Goal Follow-Up

Goal: I hope to be able to write a stronger thesis statement, one that I am able to

maintain and follow throughout my thesis.

“Within ‘By the Waters of

Babylon’ by Stephen Vincent

Benét, The Odyssey by Homer, and

‘The Labyrinth’ by WH Auden, the

author approaches the maturing

power of truth brought forth within

the personal journeys of a young

adult looking to leave behind his

adolescence and emerge from their

ordeal a fully developed individual;

one that can make a decision to

oppose that which lies within their

own sphere of influence” (Truth

Essay).

“Fyodor Dostoyevsky criticizes

human self interest in his novel

Crime and Punishment, as the

characters are willing to carry

out their own interests

regardless of the subsequent

effects on the lives of others,

exposing humans as being

selfish and narcissistic” (Crime

and Punishment).

“In For Whom the Bell Tolls

and Cat’s Cradle, Hemingway

and Vonnegut portray the

catastrophic and disastrous

effects of war through vast

destruction and tragedy in

order to indicate the wretched

wastefulness of conflict and its

role as the driving force

behind the decay of humanity

and civilization itself”

(Independent Reading).

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First Goal Follow-Up (Continued)At the beginning of the school year, I outlined the aspects of my writing that needed the most improvement. In my two

biggest goals, I am proud to say that I have made significant progress in improving both of these issues. The first goal that I chose

to highlight is that I hoped to be able to write a stronger thesis statement, one that I was able to maintain and follow throughout my

writing. Over the course of the year, I decided to revise the goal to state that I hope to be able to create a stronger thesis that added

a solid “so what?” portion to spur on my argument. The “so what?” portion of the thesis is meant to provoke or kick start the topic

of the thesis and show the reader why I am arguing for the beliefs that I am, forcing the thesis to become more sophisticated and in

depth than a general, surface-level argument. For my first major essay of the year, that covering the topic of truth, I decided to

write about how one’s personal odyssey brings out a maturing power that is associated with truth and the discovery of truth. The

texts I covered were Stephen Vincent Benét’s ‘By the Waters of Babylon’, The Odyssey by Homer, and WH Auden’s “The

Labyrinth”. Though I was able to provide a clear connection between the three texts, the topic covered was completely lacking in

the so-called “so what?” portion of the argument and failed to provoke thought as to why my argument was important or would

interest the reader in any sense. The following December, I wrote my essay concerning human narcissism and neglect in Fyodor

Dostoyevsky’s Crime and Punishment, exposing how human are self-centered and uncaring creatures. In this thesis, my argument

is shown very minimally, as the idea of human self-interest is not explained in how it is vitally important to modern life of life in

Dostoyevsky’s time. However, specificity of the idea of human self-interest is definitely the beginning or “jumping-off” point for a

much more intricate and complex debate, though more detail and rationale for the argument need to be provided. Finally, I ended

my progression of this writing goal with the thesis of my Independent Reading Essay, which analyzed the catastrophe destruction

of war and how it acts in the decay of humanity as a whole. In my final major essay of the year, I was ultimately able to capture the

“so what?” portion of the essay that I had lacked for so long. In recognizing how warfare is subsequently the downfall of our

fellow man, I was able to add an urgent sense of anti-war fervor that can be used to feed the argument for eliminating warfare.

Though my thesis lacked progression throughout my body paragraphs, I was content in that I could finally connect my thesis to a

point that would keep the reader pondering my argument even after they finished reading my essay.

4

Second Goal Follow-UpGoal: I hope to use stronger analysis of my evidence within my writing.

“John now comprehends that ‘he was a

man – [he] knew that they had been men,

neither gods nor demons. It is a great

knowledge, hard to tell and believe. They

were men – they went down a dark road,

but they were men’ (Benét 7). The shock

that John harbors with this consciousness

provides insight as to how it opposes his

previous beliefs. The repetition of the

phrase “they were men” connotes the idea

that it takes a bit of time for John to grasp

this concept. The denotation of “hard to

tell and believe” in reference to the

people of John’s community, as well, is a

direct portrayal of the disparity between

the people’s beliefs of the truth versus the

reality of truth” (Truth Essay).

“Instead, he has found himself another bride,

while ‘[he] is fifty and she is only sixteen…Pretty

alluring, isn’t it? Yes, alluring…[he thinks] these

sixteen year olds, with their eyes still childlike,

their modesty, their sweet little tears of

shyness…what they have is better than beauty’

(Dostoyevsky 457). Svidrigailov has now turned

his attention to another, significantly younger girl.

The denotation of the word “alluring” as well as

its repetition emphasizes how attractive and

seductive their age difference is to him. The use of

the word “childlike” as well as “modesty” and the

phrase “sweet little tears” imply how unfit this girl

actually is to become one’s spouse or sexual

partner. Dostoyevsky denounces Svidrigailov’s

imterests as disgusting, unnatural, and greedy”

(Crime and Punishment Essay).

“Robert Jordan spots a sentry, and from his position

‘…he could see the sunken cheeks…It was a peasant’s

face, the beard stubbled, the eyes shaded by the heavy

brows, big hands holding the rifle, heavy boots showing

beneath the folds of the blanket cape’ (Hemingway 36).

The detailed description of the enemy soldier attempts

to humanize him so that he can be clearly compared to

Robert Jordan and his compatriots. The repetitions of

the phrases personalizing him and giving the reader a

depiction of his facial structure make him seem more

humane and relatable. The connotations of the words

‘sunken’, ‘shaded’, and ‘heavy’ in regards to the

sentry’s appearance is very tiring and depressed. The

description is meant to provoke thought as to his own

personal experience in the war, which has clearly been

long, stressful, and has taken a toll on his health.

Furthermore, describing the man as a ‘peasant’

personalizes the guard, paralleling him with the poor

peasants in Robert Jordan’s own guerilla outfit”

(Independent Reading Essay).

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Second Goal Follow-Up (Continued)The second goal that I hoped to achieve was the ability to form stronger analysis of my evidence within my writing. To do this I

looked deeper into the connotation of words and tried to figure out why and for what purpose the author used this specific wording. In my

very first essay of the year, the Truth essay, the analysis I used did not connect and created confusion within my paragraphs. I was unable to

connect even the minimal analysis I had used. I briefly mentioned repetition but failed to show understanding as I lacked depth, making my

analysis of said repetition seem vague. In this particular analysis of the essay, I failed to pick out specific words and analyze them in a strong

fashion that supported my thesis. Later in the year while writing my Crime and Punishment essay, the improvement is significant, yet it is

not yet up to par with the grade level’s standards. My analysis was not only physically longer than my quote; it also displays stronger

analysis than my Truth essay. Highlighting words such as “alluring”, “childlike”, “modesty” and “greedy”, paired with analysis of each

individual word, I was able to better connect to the greater point or purpose of why I used the quote, I seemed (and felt) more confident in

my thesis as well as in the point I was trying to prove. What also helped my analysis was the wiser choice I had made with the quote this

time around. Whereas in the Truth essay I chose a quote that was seemingly strong but really did not have the strength to build up the essay,

the quote I used for the Crime and Punishment essay was well chosen and allowed for stronger interpretation. The biggest improvement,

however, can be seen in my final choice, the Independent Reading essay. The quote was a bit shorter than I had previously done while my

analysis was much more in depth and much longer than it had previously been. I applied my strategy of pulling out individual words as I did

in the Crime and Punishment essay to better understand the tone the author is trying to convey. This time, however I did less individual word

analysis and focused more on the overall point of using these specific words. I also eliminated the use of the clichés “this connotes” and “this

displays”, thus making my analysis sound more sophisticated and confident than it did before in the previous writing assignments. Overall I

am very pleased with my analysis development over the year. Although I have not quite mastered the skill of analysis, I can confidently say I

have improved greatly from where I was in the beginning at my first essay. Although I had set one goal I have accomplished the following

within this task: creating deeper and more meaningful analysis, differentiating between a powerful quote versus an ineffectual one, and

making my writing sound confident as well as sophisticated.

6

Methods of Eliminating Wordiness1.) Eliminating Unnecessary Modifiers and Determiners – Crime and Punishment Essay

“Desiring to become Dunia’s lover, Svidrigailov selfishly attempts to force this relationship between them, regardless of how

strongly opposed to it she is…”.

“Svidrigailov attempts to force a relationship with Dunia in an attempt to become her lover”.

2.) Change Phrases into Single Words – Crime and Punishment Essay

“Dostoyevsky, being distressed by his own society’s flaws of the time period, utilizes Crime and Punishment to convey an urge for

social reform and change”.

“Dostoyevsky, being distressed by his own society, utilizes Crime and Punishment to convey an urge for social reform and

change”.

3.) Change Unnecessary That, Who, and Which Clauses into Phrases – Independent Reading

“The description is meant to provoke thought as to his own personal experience in the war, which has clearly been long, stressful,

and has taken a toll on his health”.

“The description is meant to provoke thought as to his own long, stressful, and harmful personal experience in the war”.

4.) Avoid Overusing Expletives at the Beginning of Sentences – Crime and Punishment

“It was amidst this turmoil and greed that Fyodor Dostoyevsky published Crime and Punishment as twelve monthly installments in

the poplar literary journal, The Russian Messenger, during the year of 1866”.

“Amidst this turmoil and greed, Fyodor Dostoyevsky published Crime and Punishment as twelve monthly installments in the

poplar literary journal, The Russian Messenger, during the year of 1866”.

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Methods of Eliminating Wordiness

(Cont.)5.) Use Active rather than Passive Verbs – Crime and Punishment

“The connotation of the pharse “black serpent” displays how Luzhin immediately feels a desire for revenge, and the connotation of “gnawed” as

well displays how he is overwhelmed by these feelings”.

“The connotation of the pharse “black serpent” displays how Luzhin immediately feels a desire for revenge, and the connotation of “gnawed” as

well displays how these feelings overwhelm him”.

6.) Avoid Overusing Noun forms of Verbs – Truth/Journey Essay

“…Telemachos realizes throughout his travels that his own true role is to fight for that which his father left behind…”.

“…Telemachos realizes throughout his travels that he must fight for that which his father left behind…”.

7.) Reword Unnecessary Infinitive Phrases

“As his final week progresses and his mission is almost underfoot, Robert Jordan begins to accept the futility and likeliness that he will perish

on this mission”.

“As his final week progresses and his mission is almost underfoot, Robert Jordan accepts the futility and likeliness that he will perish on this

mission”.

8.) Replace Circumlocutions with Direct Expressions - Independent Reading Essay

“Thus, in this brief respite, it is as if Robert Jordan and his forces are looking at a mirror image of themselves, reminding Jordan that he is

fighting men with equally as much humanity as that of his own forces”.

“Robert Jordan and his forces are briefly looking at a mirror image of themselves, reminding Jordan that he is fighting men with equally as

much humanity as that of his own forces”.

8

Comma Errors1.) Interrupter – Independent Reading Essay

“An expert on the Spanish Civil War in literature, Jeffrey Meyers, claims that Hemingway’s clear disdain for war stemmed from his own experiences working

as a journalist in the Spanish Civil War”.

“An expert on the Spanish Civil War in literature, Jeffrey Meyers claims that Hemingway’s clear disdain for war stemmed from his own experiences working as

a journalist in the Spanish Civil War”.

I omitted the comma following the name “Jeffrey Meyers”, as the proper noun belongs in the main clause with the assertion about Ernest Hemingway’s war

experiences.

2.) Finisher – Independent Reading Essay

“Robert Jordan is particularly lost as he had no real connection to the men”.

“Robert Jordan is particularly lost, as he had no real connection to the men”.

I added the comma following the word “lost”, separating the sentence by use of a finisher comma into an independent clause followed by a dependent clause.

3.) Finisher – Independent Reading Essay

“The curtness of the phrases “you never could have”, “not a real Marxist”, “you know it”, as well as “don’t ever kid yourself” create a dismissive tone

indicating that Robert Jordan will never fully fit in…”.

“The curtness of the phrases “you never could have”, “not a real Marxist”, “you know it”, as well as “don’t ever kid yourself” create a dismissive tone,

indicating that Robert Jordan will never fully fit in…”.

The finisher comma added following the word “tone” allows for the sentence to split into a clear independent clause and a clear dependent clause, making the

sentence more complex.

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Comma Errors (Continued)4.) Interrupter – Independent Reading Essay

“The statement of his desire to live and learn, which is then followed by the long pause created by the semicolon shows a longing to have better used his intuition and

thought…”.

“The statement of his desire to live and learn, then followed by the long pause created by the semicolon, shows a longing to have better used his intuition and thought…”.

To create a clear distinction between to separate dependent clauses, I added the interrupter comma following the word “semicolon” and I omitted the words “which is”.

5.) The Finisher – Independent Reading Essay

“Vonnegut’s depiction of the powers of the ice nine allude to a dark and unforeseen impending catastrophe involving the substance as the powers are too great for human

hands to control”.

“Vonnegut’s depiction of the powers of the ice nine allude to a dark and unforeseen impending catastrophe involving the substance, as the powers are too great for human

hands to control”.

By adding a finisher comma following the word “substance”, it is easy to determine where the independent clause separates from the dependent clause while adding

complexity to the sentence.

6.) Interrupter – Crime and Punishment Essay

“The oppressive monarch or Czar controlled the majority of the country’s wealth; poverty was rampant, and many were starving in the streets”.

“The oppressive monarch or Czar controlled the majority of the country’s wealth, poverty was rampant, and many were starving in the streets”.

I removed the semi colon following “wealth” and replaced it with an interrupter comma to continue the list of problems with Russian society in an orderly fashion.

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Comma Errors (Continued)7.) Introducer – Crime and Punishment Essay

“Having finally paid off a debt of her deceased father’s Dunia leaves her position as his maid and eliminates contact with the tenacious

Svidrigailov”.

“Having finally paid off a debt of her deceased father’s, Dunia leaves her position as his maid and eliminates contact with the tenacious

Svidrigailov”.

By entering an introducer comma after the word “father’s”, I have created a dependent clause before the sentence’s independent clause allowing

for an introduction to the main idea of the selection.

8.) Interrupter – Crime and Punishment Essay

“Svidrigailov, however is not done pursuing Dunia.”

“Svidrigailov, however, is not done pursuing Dunia”.

The comma entered after the word “however” interrupts between two dependent clauses to create a fluid, complete sentence.

9.) Finisher – Truth/Journey Essay

“…the author approaches the maturing power of truth brought forth within the personal journeys of a young adult looking to leave behind his

adolescence and emerge from their ordeal a fully developed individual; one that can make a decision to oppose that which lies within their own

sphere of influence”.

“…the author approaches the maturing power of truth brought forth within the personal journeys of a young adult looking to leave behind his

adolescence and emerge from their ordeal a fully developed individual, one that can make a decision to oppose that which lies within their own

sphere of influence”.

I replaced the semicolon following the word “individual” to act as a finisher to the sentence and to tie in a dependent clause acting to close the

idea of the selection..

11

Comma Errors (Continued)

10.) Finisher – Truth/Journey Essay

“John is hopeful and looks to the future alleging that “there are books and writings”.

“John is hopeful and looks to the future alleging, that “there are books and writings”.

I added a comma following the word “alleging” to split the sentence into an independent clause followed by a dependent clause so

that the dependent clause can add complexity to the selection.

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Major Essay Revision

13

Major Essay Revision (Continued)

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Major Essay Revision (Continued)

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Major Essay Revision (Continued)

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Major Essay Revision (Continued)

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Major Essay Revision (Continued)

18

Adolescent Email ThreadHey Guys,

I just wanted to say that I had a great time at camp with the two of you.

I’ll be honest- going to a sleep away camp for three weeks without a single friend

to accompany you is pretty nerve wracking. Sometimes I find it hard to be

comfortable around new people, and I was incredibly nervous to bunk with the two

of you without having met either of you before. However, you guys quickly took

me in and I had a great time. I hoped that we could spend more time together over

the year until we meet again at camp, but we do live quite far away from one

another. It’s a shame that we can’t hang out again!

I think that my most cherished memory from this summer is when the

three of us covered Laertes’s cabin in toilet paper after he started a fight with you,

Hamlet, in the mess hall. We got him good. Payback’s a bitch, isn’t?

Holden, you are easily one of the smartest people that I have ever met. I

want you to remember that we are always here for you, bud. Don’t be so down on

yourself, and don’t worry so much. I’ll be in college soon, but don’t let that scare

you from giving me a phone call or shooting me another email.

Hamlet, I hope that everything works out with you and your mother. I

can totally see your anguish, dude. I love my mom just as much as anyone else, but

given your situation, I would be confused too. Remember to look into that

medication I told you about. I wish I could remember the name right now – there

are always commercials for it on TV. It really helped my brother out when he was

down on himself.

Guys, I had a great time at camp. Don’t be strangers – be sure to keep in

touch.

Your Friend,

Aidan Barry

Thanks for writing me the email, buddy.

I really needed this pick me up. Things haven’t been going all too

well at mom and pop’s place. I’m not kidding you – I walk in the front

door getting home from the zoo with my little sister a few days ago, and

whaddya know, my parents are standing there waiting for me with a note

from my principal saying I’ve been kicked out of school. Goddam, they

were so angry I thought they’d bring down the whole house, or at least

break a window. When my brother Allie passed away, the sweet little kid,

I damn near almost broke every window in the goddam house. My parents

took me to the hospital and the doc said I broke my wrist. I hate doctors.

Bunch of goddammed phonies. They don’t care howya feel. They just

want your money.

Anyways, I’m glad you contacted me pal. It’s been

rough around here and I miss you guys, ya know? I wish we were still

romping around, without any responsibilities, up at camp.

Hamlet, I’ve been wondering, how has your relationship

with your parents been going lately? Honestly, they seem like a bunch of

phonies too. Anyone who can’t hold onto love like your mother is a fool.

Me, I’ve been going after this girl named Sally. I might marry her one

day, but she really annoys me and I can’t stand to be near her, ya know

what I mean?

Sincerely,

Holden C

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Adolescent Email Thread (Cont.)My dearest friends!

How good it is to hear from you. I wish that I could

greet you with feelings other than woe, but I cannot. Though I cherish

your outreach and wish to be with you once again, you have contacted me

in a time of despair. My mother has finally betrothed my uncle, legally

sealing this incestuous relationship. How my father must turns over in his

grave when he hears of this!

I must inform you both that upon my return to my fair

Denmark, I finally ended my relationship with Ophelia. Though I was able

to play along with her “love” for a while, I could do it no longer, and I

have become preoccupied with other, more pressing matters.

I miss the two of you, however. Recently, my mother

and my uncle-father called in my two friends from the University,

Rosencratz and Guildenstern. They think that I have been acting out of the

ordinary now that I don a series of clothing as black as the night sky.

These “friends” are merely here to spy on me, and they make me long for

the adventures we had together over this fateful summer.

To Aidan, I wish success in your endeavors in the

academic world, and to Holden, I hope that you remember to face that

which you fear, even when that fear is the adulthood I have recently

entered.

All the Best,

Hamlet

I’m sorry to hear that the both of you have been through so

much!

I know that it makes you nervous, Holden, but just

think: if you can enter college soon, or even the workforce,

you be out of the sight of your phony parents! Isn’t that

appealing? You can do whatever you’d like! I really worry for

you man. You are setting yourself up to be a failure! I know

it’s tough to stay focused on work, but if you don’t, you will

be penniless and will live on the streets, or even worse, at

your parents’ house for the rest of your life! (Haha)

Hamlet, it seems like you have taken this

whole “insanity” bit way too far. Aren’t you worried that this

could regress into a problem that the King and Queen feel

they must get involved in? You are digging a really deep

hole, dude. I can understand that you with hold some

information from the two of us, but what could possibly make

you so upset? You are an incredibly talented actor, and that

Macbeth piece that you did in front of the whole camp was

astounding, but this is going to get you into a lot of trouble.

Aidan

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Adolescent Email Thread (Cont.)

You two are making me seem like a wuss.

I am not afraid of the future. It’s just that – well –

what is so good about being an adult anyway? Hamlet spends

his time in constant depression mulling over his parents and

girls when he is not away at school, and Aidan spends the

bulk of his time looking at colleges and writing his stupid

common applications or whatever. Don’t you think I’ve

thought of my future? Hell, I almost had sex once…I mean, I

didn’t want to, I felt bad for the poor girl that was hired and

all. I am adult enough, and it is important that you two see me

that way. I just wish that I could keep everyone from falling

off, you know? Sometimes I feel like my life is changing so

fast that I can’t take in what is around me.

I have to thank you two once again. Hell, I had

an incredible summer with you two, it was great to just relax

and be out in the middle of the woods. What a great time.

Your pal,

Holden

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Personal Narrative Draft

It was July of 2011 when I experienced a series of events that would help form my future and my career interests. The previous fall, I had been

extended an invitation to attend an informational meeting on the People to People Student Ambassador Organization, a government funding non-profit group

that chose select students around the country ranging in age to travel overseas to experience daily life in other countries. As a typical middle school student

would be, I was merely excited to go on what I thought would be a far-off vacation with and the watchful eyes of my parents amidst my peers. It was not

until just recently that I understood the impact that simply visiting European countries would have on my life. The trip lasted three weeks, extending from

England into Scotland and Wales, and finally Ireland. I had a wonderful opportunity to develop new, lasting, long-distance friendships as well as see cultures

that I had never before encountered.

I still hold these memories dearly. Most importantly, I learned the importance of foreign relations between nations as well as the benefits of

cultural appropriation amidst countries. My most cherished memories are those of simply interacting with the people of a society that I would never see on a

daily basis at home. I was intrigued by their customs, and I decided to myself that I would become diverse in my knowledge of other traditions. Having with

an English family for three nights, I was able to experience firsthand how other people other than myself lived, and it was not only an eye opening

experience, but an enjoyable one too.

Growing up, I had always been forced by the Franklin Public School system to take basic Spanish, like the majority of my peers. The class

had always been a chore for me, and I did not think of the benefits of being bilingual. It was not until this year, after reflecting upon my trip, that I realized

how interested I was in world culture. Though I loathed it, Spanish had always been incredibly easy to me, and I decided to continue working with the

language and become as fluent as an Irish white man could be in Spanish.

Looking ahead a college life, I discovered the many opportunities available at any given campus to explore and undertake many other

languages, other than the conventional ones taught in high school. I had always been interested in Eastern European countries like Germany and Russia, as

well as those spoken by distant family members, including Gailege and Portuguese.

In the midst of my college search, it finally occurred to me why I had become interested in languages: I love human interaction. I love the

thought of being able to interact with as many people as I can from all over the world; to learn from others, to converse with others, and to just feel

comfortable with any group of people. I want to expand my knowledge of other languages and cultures so that I can become the epitome of friendly human

interaction.

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Creative Component俳句 (Haiku) – Pluviophilia

Amidst the turmoil,

The struggle of enemies,

The cries of fighters,

There comes a soft calm

A haze of serenity

The gray clouds appear

The sky opens up

Its contents sooth all turmoil

Here to wash away

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ReflectionOver the course of the year, I have proven to myself that with a little hard work, I am able to succeed in my writing. Writing has always been a hatred

of mine, and although writing this year did not prove this to me, it most definitely reinforced this idea of mine. However, I cannot deny that I have greatly

improved in my writing skills since the beginning of the year and that my grades earned on writing assignments have flowed in an upward progression into

those that have exceed my original expectations for this year’s performance. I have actually surprised myself in what I have been able to achieve over the

course of the year. The two goals that I chose, pertaining to stronger analysis as well as a stronger thesis statement have been problems of mine that have

followed me throughout high school and plagued my previous English assignments for years. My analysis has always been mediocre as I have had trouble

with securing details that go beyond the surface level of our text and actually probe at the author’s true meaning of the selection. In writing my theses, I had

never before been able to concoct a strong, provoking argument that would leave the reader with a want to further question the text in front of them and

rethink their original interpretation of it. However, in working through the pieces of literature that we have covered this year as a class and on our own, I was

exposed to texts that challenged my own thinking and required a deeper analysis to provide the required stronger thesis.

Previously, I had always assumed that my grammar was flawless, and although I have yet to make many comma errors, I found through

working with the methods of eliminating wordiness that fall victim to many overly wordy phrases and that clarifying my arguments requires attention to the

syntax of the sentence as well as the word choice. I attempted to implement these exercises when rewriting and editing my Independent Reading Essay, and it

definitely made an astounding impact on the “flow” of the argument through the essay.

The creative writing piece and the personal narrative taught me a lot about myself and also reinforced ideals that I have held close for many

years. My creative piece is a haiku that I wrote about my admiration for rain. I feel that when it rains, it is as if the world is cleansing itself of all stress and

calming everything once again. I feel most at peace when it rains, and while writing this, I understood my need for occasional relaxation and calm in my life

so that I can function better in the future. I know my limits, and I think that this proves that every once in a while I need to rest and feel at peace. The

personal narrative reminded me of how much I care my fellow man. I am truly interested in every individual on our planet and their well being. I love to

interact with people, and the trip that I wrote about is a testament to the fact that I love cultural appropriation as well as mixing and communicating with as

many individuals that I can.

For my future assignments, I must keep the clarity and strength of my writing in mind while creating these pieces. To be able to progress in

this skill I must have a deep understanding of the text I am writing about as well as a confidence in myself that protrudes through my writing. I hope that by

this time next year, I will be a proficient writer who is able to construct both clear analysis and a clear thesis in a strong, flowing essay.

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Finish

Thanks for viewing my Writing Portfolio! I hope

you enjoyed it. Feel free to leave any feedback

at aidanjamesbarry@gmail.com

Thanks for a great year Mrs. McCarthy!