all about shyness

8/7/2019 all about shyness

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ACKNOWLEDGEMENT

Alhamdulillah In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful, with the helpand assistances of Him, I have successfully completed this Personal developmentassignment.

I owe a debt of gratitude to UITM for give me opportunity to study the PersonalDevelopment subject which help me a lot in improving myself.

I would like to pay my special tribute to my dearest lecturer, Madam Ruhani btMuhamad for her kindness, suggestions and ideas to complete my assignment. Itwould have been possible without her assistance and guidance.

I would like to express my hearties gratitude to all my friends. Finally, I also owemuch thanks to my family for their constant support and encouragements.


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I NTRODUCT I ON

1.1 Introduction of Shyness

All of us possess a cluster of character traits. Were proud of some. We admit tosome. We hate some. And finally, there are some, wed like to change.

Shyness is one among the first. The reason is very simple. As a shy person youlose out on so much. Better opportunities at work, more fulfilling relationshipsand a great, interactive and warm world. Unfortunately by being shy, you closeso many chances in front of you.

Shyness affects people of all ages. A kindergarten is frightening for manychildren; some students are anxious about the first day of school until theygraduate from college. Job interviews are stressful for people uncomfortabletalking about themselves. For some people, feelings of self -worth are related totheir careers. Retirement may bring feelings of lower self-esteem.

Shyness is linked to brain activity, how a person was raised and otherexperiences, and the person's reaction to those experiences.

1.2 Definition

Shyness may be defined experientially as discomfort or inhibition in interpersonalsituations that interferes with pursuing one's interpersonal or professional goals.It is a form of excessive self-focus, a preoccupation with one's thoughts, feelingsand physical reactions. It may vary from mild social awkwardness to totall y

inhibiting social phobia. Shyness may be chronic and dispositional, serving as apersonality trait that is central in one's self definition. Situational shynessinvolves experiencing the symptoms of shyness in specific social performancesituations but not incorporating it into one's self-concept.


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CAUSES OF SHYNESS

The causes of shyness are many and varied. We have had to know the causes of shyness in order to find the right way to cure it.

2.1 Poor self esteemSelf esteem is the most important determinant of peak performance. People whohave a poor self -esteem may not feel confident enough to face other people.Self-esteem is the understanding and appreciation that you have values andvirtues that make you unique and special. A good self-image would mean thatyou could look at yourself and see both the good and not very good sidesof yourself and accept them both as integral pieces to who you are. When youare unable to accept yourself and like yourself, it stands to reason that youwould assume others would not like you as well

2.2 Poor self confidence

Self confidence can be build by practice. Lack of practice will make us be a shyperson and not confidence in everything we have done. Even the deejay hadpractice on what to talk when they ore on air. Practice will make us perfect andcan reduce the level of shyness.

2.3 Non assertive or pessimisticNon assertive is when you allow others to violate your rights by regarding theirneeds, opinions and rights as more important than your own. This shows a lackof respect for your own needs and can lead to feelings of hurt, anxiety andanger. People who not stand and fight for their right because of shyness is thelooser.

2.4 Inherited by parents traitsParents traits affect more on their children life. If parent are shy, not reallysocialize with other, pessimistic, lack of self confidence and many more fromnegative behaviour, these traits will automatically pass to their children. So,parents have to show a good behaviour in front of the children to avoid them tobe shy.

2.5 The odd behaviour among relativesParents or relatives that act oddly in public or in front of our friends will make we

shy to face other thus will lead to be a shy person. For example if my parentwere arrested because of drugs, of course i will be a very shy person because of my parent behaviour. That situation really makes me down and cannot face thepublic.


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2.6 Family without affectionThere are a few families in which the members will not convey their loving oraffectionate feelings to each other. This can lead to a child feeling uncomfortableexpressing loving emotions and is one of the leading causes of shyness.

2.7 Criticize among relativesThere are a few families who are very critical in nature. Too much criticism at anearly age can lead to a feeling of inadequacy, which can cause shyness. Forexample when families always complain about their child performance in studyand compare to other people performance, this will make the child feeluncomfortable. So, it would lead shyness.

2.8 Fear of trying out new thingBe it a new job, a new state of affairs, unfamiliar persons, or a new locality.Similar to most behavioural patterns, shyness has its roots in a shy personsinfancy, at about the time when the kid is exposed to new people, unknown

relatives or friends. It is at this time when a kid learns to communicate withstrangers. Some kids take a liking to new faces and in fact show interest, whileothers just retract and build up shyness.

2.9 The fear of being judged negativelyThis perhaps ranks the highest among the fears felt by shy people. Is it not oftenthat you find yourself thinking, Oh my god, why did I say such a stupid thing?They will definitely laugh at me or may be, Why did I tell him about mymistakes? He must be thinking what a stupid person I am!

2.10 Traumatic incidentAn outgoing person who is criticized or treated poorly at home may no longer beable to be outgoing. Traumatic events that cause shyness need to be dealt within conjunction with working on the shyness because the event will continue totorment unless resolved and laid to rest.

2.11 Fear of peopleFor shy people, meeting someone new can be harrowing only because they arescared about how they are perceived. A new person can be:

y

Strangers encountered at the office or at societal location

y

Members of the opposite sex.

y

Authorities in the place of work or in the educational institution.This happens because shy people often have a negative self image.

2.12 Fear of situationThe level of shyness usually rises with formal situations. This is because acertain code of conduct or decorum has to be obeyed at formal occasions. Shypeople worry about saying or doing the wrong thing. As a result, they end upacting clumsily.


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2.13 Overprotective parents. Children who are overprotected by their parents often don't have the opportunityto be independent socially. Because of this, these children often lack theconfidence needed to make decisions for themselves. Such children are often

insecure, which can then cause shyness.


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EFFECTS OF SHYNESS

The effects of shyness are diverse and range from very serious to easy to misseffects. The effects of shyness are felt through various parts of your life, and youmay not expect that shyness would be so far-reaching

3.1 Decrease your ability to make new friendsShyness may keep you from talking to new people. You may not realize whatthese people have to offer your life and your personality because you cannotwork up the courage to even speak with them. Your shyness may appear to be adesire to be left alone, and may keep others from approaching you. The peopleyou cannot talk to because of your shyness may have important keys to creatinga happier fuller life.

3.2 Decreases your ability to enjoy social situations and hobbiesThere are many recreational activities that involve large crowds or groups. Thereare recreational hobbies that involve partner or group work. Do you find you stayaway from these fun activities because the crowds or the chance you may haveto speak in front of people scare you too much? The effects of shyness can robyou of valuable recreational time that would relax you and add fun to your life .

3.3 Can diminish your performance at workIf you could control your shyness, you may have the potential to overcome theeffects of shyness and become a great leader. You may be a top salesperson.You may be an effective teacher or trainer. When you learn to harness yourshyness and overcome your social anxiety, you will be better able to exploreyour professional opportunities and grow into a career that is more satisfying .

3.4 May cause anxiety and stress that is detrimental to your health andimmune systemWhen you are vulnerable to intense stress due to your shyness, you set yoursystem up for all of the negative effects of stress. The effects of shyness canresult in high blood pressure, decreased immune function, and hypertension - afew symptoms of stress that might be induced by your shyness.

3.5 Lack of assertivenessShy people fail to stick up for themselves, both in the workplace as well as inpersonal matters. Hence, they are often exploited by peers. They cant fit withtheir opinion but only follow others.

3.6 Bad academic performancesShyness makes a child fail to ask for help from their teachers, even when theyneed to clear their doubts on the subject being taught. This leads to poor gradesand overall poor performance in school. The long-term effect may be hindrancein advancing in career.


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3.7 Will have problem to have an effective communicationBy avoiding social situations make shy people grow up into adults lackingeffective communication skills. They often dont learn effective communication.They do not possess the power of expressing their emotions. They fail to relateto others. They do not confidence to talk to everybody. Thus, it will lead to poor

communication. Because they lack communication skills, shy people often havedifficulty relating to other people.

3.8 Difficulty expressing emotionsShy people have often not learned how to adequately express themselves.Because of this, shy people often bottle up their emotions and not have thestrength to tell other about their feelings.

3.9 Difficult to maintain close personal relationshipShyness can cause difficulty making and maintaining close personal

relationships. Shy people lack the social skills necessary for making friends.Moreover, they are often fearful of social situations, and hence avoid them. As aresult, they become lonely.

3.10 Negative feeling and depressionBy being a shyness person, your mind will full of negative feeling. You will judgeother without asking them. You are shy to ask them the truth. So, you keepguest the solution and answer by your own. This situation will make you instress.

3.11 Lead to passive communication

Passive people are usually unhappy. They will not fight for their right. They areless expressive and verbal. The less they have to speak, the better they like it.They do not want to make mistake in front of others. So it is good for them bysaying it is a good manner for passivity. Even a simple conversation createsquite a problem for them. Theyre so busy wondering what the other person is thinking of them, that they fail to concentrate on the conversation itself.

3.12 Bad self imageShy people have a bad self image. They dont accept their self and notappreciate what they have had. Everybody have their own unique personality,

but because of shyness, they feel unworthy.

3.13 Dont have partnerEvery person need partner. Man needs woman, as well as woman. But, becauseof shy to opposite sex, they are not able to have partner. They will think thatthey are not attractive, unwanted, undesirable, and many other negativethought.


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3.14 Will be a shy studentIn term of education, shyness is the most things that must be avoided by everystudent. By being a shy, they wont be able to ask what they do not understandduring class session. They will miss out a lot of opportunity such as to get moremark by being the class representative. As a Muslim, we have to bear in mind

that we are not supposed to be a shy in e ducation.

3.15 Health riskShyness is a greater health risk. This is due to a lack of emotional support,usually found in good friends and family. The inability to discuss health problemswith ones doctor also presents a possible risk. Doctors cant help if they dontknow the problems.

3.16 Difficult to get jobShy person will have difficulties to get job. This is because they cant performwell during interview session. The company that offer job and seeking the new

employee will not only see the education level of the candidates. They also needa good employee in term of communication, personality, good self image, highself esteem and so on. For shy person, even they have had a flying colours andexcellent result but not have the ability to attract the interviewer because of shyness, they will not hire by the company.


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THE WAY TO OVERCOME SHYNESS

Shyness cannot be eliminated quickly. It takes time for a shy individual toovercome this personality trait. Shyness can be cure by many ways.

4.1 Understand your shyness

Seek to understand your unique brand of shyness and how that manifests inyour life. Understand what situation triggers this feeling? And what are youconcerned with at that point?

4.2 Find your strengthWe all have unique qualities and different ways of expressing ourselves. Itsimportant to know and fully accept the things we do well, even if they differfrom the norm. If everyone was the same, the world would be a pretty boringplace. Find something you are good at and focus on doing it. An identifiablestrength will boost your natural self esteem and your ego, helping you betteridentify with yourself. It is a short term fix, but will give you the confidence you

need to break your self-imposed barrier of fear. See how your unique strengthgives you an advantage.

4.3 Learn to like yourself Practice appreciating yourself and liking the unique expression that is you. Writea love letter to yourself, do things you enjoy, give gratitude for your body andits effortless functions, spend quality time getting to know yourself, go on a self-date.

4.4 Reward yourself for your social accomplishmentsFor every accomplishment even how simple your accomplishment is, such asbeing able to talk to an authority figure, give yourself a reward . It will help youboost your self-confidence. Speaking of self-confidence, feel good inside bylooking good outside. Looking good can surely increase your self -esteem.

4.5 Focus on Other People Rather than focusing on your awkwardness in social situations, focus on otherpeople and what they have to say. Become interested in learning about others,and probe them to talk about themselves. You can try pondering the questionwhile interacting: What is it about this person that I like?

4.6 Affirmation


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Words can carry incredible energy. What we repeatedly tell ourselves, gets heardby our unconscious mind, and it acts accordingly. If we repeatedly tell ourselvesthat we are incapable, and too shy to do anything, we will become increasinglyaware of evidence to back up this fact, and our actions will always match whatwe tell ourselves. Similarly, if we repeatedly tell ourselves that we are capable,

confident, and wonderful human beings, o ur unconscious mind will likely surfacethe awareness that gives evidence to this new fact. While, we cant lie toourselves, positive visualization and affirmation are helpful in placing us alongthe road of positive thought patterns.

4.7 Stop labelling yourself Stop labelling yourself as a shy person. Keep in your mind that you are a goodperson with a good personality. You are unique.

4.8 Figure out what make you shyEveryone have different reason why they are shy. By seeking and searching the

reason why you are shy can help you to find the way to cure it. For example if you are shy to talk in front of others, you have to practice a lot.

4.9 Build your self confidenceEveryone has some special gift or trait to offer to the world. Think about whatyou know, what you can do, and what you have accomplished, rather thanthinking on how you look, sound, or dress. Keep in mind that everyone, even the"beautiful people", has something about themselves or their life that they don'tlike.

4.10 Dont compare yourself to othersBy comparing yourself to others will make your level of shyness increase. Themore you compare yourself to others, you will feel that you are not able tomeasure up and the more intimidated you will feel which will make you shyer .

4.11 Accept Rejection Accept the possibility that we can be rejected and learning to not take itpersonally. Remember, you are not alone and we all experience rejections. It ispart of life and part of the learning process.

4.12 Visualization

Visualizing yourself in the situation as a confident and happy person helps you toshape your perception of yourself when you are actually in the situation.Visualization are as same as acting yourself at the certain situation. By doing thisact often with different situation will help you to decrease the level of shyness.

4.13 Not conforming


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Try to fit in like everyone else is exhausting. Understand that it is okay to bedifferent. Accept that you may not be perceived as the most popular social butterfly , and you may not want to be either. At the end of the day, beingpopular will not make you happy. Accepting your unique qualities can set youfree.

4.14 Turning Self Consciousness into Self AwarenessRecognize that the world is not looking at you. Besides, most people are toobusy looking at themselves. Instead of watching yourself as if you are otherpeople, bring your awareness inwards. Armed with your understanding of whatmakes you shy, seek within yourself and become the observing presence of yourthoughts. Self awareness is the first step towards any change or lifeimprovement.

4.15 Get comfortableSurround yourself with people who bring out the best in you, and build up your

confidence through them. Eventually, this will translate to other situations beingmore comfortable.

4.16 Try doing stuff you never dreamed you wouldTry to do something really out of your common lifestyle like scuba diving. Thiswill give you a story to tell when you are making conversation with people. And if you can find the courage to do something that big, then something like talking toa cute girl/guy should seem easy.


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CONCLUS I ON

The shyness which has ruined your life up to now is not an invisible enemy. Itsnot even as powerful a force as you thought. Remember that shyness is anemotion, not a permanent personality trait. You have the power to change yourfeelings of shyness and act in a bolder manner. There's nothing wrong with beingshy, but there's nothing wrong with being outgoing either.

Our mind is flexible. Everything we done are based on our mind and of coursewe can control it. Overcoming shyness is the way to happiness and acceptance, harmony and success.

REFERENCES

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all about shyness

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