all who are left written by raúl hernández garrido · 2018-12-15 · robert capa. cerro muriano,...
TRANSCRIPT
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ALLWHOARELEFT
WrittenbyRaúlHernándezGarrido
EnglishtranslationbyAlbertDavidHitchcock
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Wiegala,wiegala,wille,
wieistdieWeltsostille!
EsstörtkeinLautdiesüsseRuh,
schlaf,meinKindchen,schlafauchdu.
Wiegala,wiegala,wille,
wieistdieWeltsostille.
IlseWeber,Inmemoriam
Inremembranceofallthosewhoareleft
andofallthosewhohaveleftus.
ForAdolfo,forÁngelandÁngeles.Thanks.
Formytworeasonsforbeinghere,
ElenaandAlejandro.
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1. OMENS
(ThefaceoftheWOMANisturned
towardthewater)
WOMAN:Ilookoutandintothewater.
Iseemyselfthere,overthewater.
Myfacebouncesoverthecrystal
ofitssurface.Ileanintomyself,
Iremember,Ithink.Carefully.
Icouldsinkdownthrough
thiswetmirror.
(TheOLDMAN,inthehalf-light,
still.)
OLDMAN:Iamtired,tired.My
legsdon’tsupportmeany
more.Theyhavegoneon
almostfiftyyears.Somany
thingslivedoverthistime.
Somanythingslost. Somanythingslost.
Fire.
Fire.
Fire.
Acameraandarifle.
Thecamerafreezestheeye.
Theriflespitsandthebulletswhistle
Aroundthecamera. Theyearspass,life.Theyoung
Fire. manwhoIoncewasisno
longeralive.
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Fire. Fullofvimandvigor,
Fire. enoughtosurvivetwowars.
Fire. Enoughtosurvivesomething
Fire. worsethanwar.
Fire.
Fire. Ilivedhate,cruelty,andalso
tendernessandcompassion.
Ilivedtreason.
Fire.
Fire.
Fire.
September5,1936.
CerroMuriano,Córdoba.
Whattheeyedoesn’tsee.Whatthecamera
captures.
Thesky:Agraystain.Theearth:
Apricklysea.Betweentheskyandthe
earth,amanfalls.Dying.
I’mlookingforaman,Juan
Cerrada.Iimagineatalland
strongframe.Iimaginehim,but
Ican’tseehisface.I’mlooking
forJuanCerrada,forthefather
Ineverknew.
Throughtheremembrancesof
others,Iamlookinginthepast
forthemanI’llneverknow.
Fire. Igetupeverydaywithnothing
Fire. todobutthinkandremember;
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Fire. Igetupenormouslytired,Iget
Fire. upandmybonesachefrom
Fire. exhaustion.I’mwornoutfrom
Fire. thetimethat’spassed.Worn
Fire. outfromthetimethat’sleft.
Wornoutfromtalking,thinking.
Wornoutfromlookingthrough
thewindow,totheotherside,
facingthesea.Wornoutfrom
seeinganemptyroad.
September5,1936.
CerroMuriano,Córdoba.
Ariflefires.Amandies.
FedericoBorrellGarcía.
Acamerashoots.Theimage
isfrozen.
RobertCapa.
CerroMuriano,Córdoba.
September5,1936.
1936-1939
Atnight,theseaturnschoppy
againsttheearth.Itssilentroar
resoundsontheroad.
Spainisdividedintwohalves,
Irreconcilable
fleshagainstflesh
bloodagainstblood
WhenIwaslittle,lookingat
myreflection,Iwouldrepeat
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hisnameoverandover.I
thoughtthatifIrepeated
hisnameoverandover,
thewaterwouldbringhim
tome.
JuanCerrada. Infrontofmethere’sanempty
Fire. JuanCerrada. road.Onittheshoutsstill
Fire. JuanCerrada. resound,yearslater.
Fire.
Inthedarknesslivethe Inthedarknesslivetheghosts
ghostsofmysolitude. ofmysolitude
1936-1939. Ilivewithmymemory.
bloodagainstblood.
Thousandsofstories
Thousandsofholesinwhich
tolookforreasonsforapain
nearlyforgotten.
Fleshagainstflesh AwaitingthedaywhenIcan
bloodagainstblood forget,thedaywhentheyall
haveforgottenme.
Aftersomuchtime
Whyremembernow?
Rememberinthenameof
whom?
Offeringaremindertowhom?
Towhatend?
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Fleshagainstflesh But,littlebylittle,Iforget.
bloodagainstblood Fragmentsareerased,details.
IfIcouldnotforget.IfIcould
notremember.
Thousandsofreasonsto
forget
Thesamereasonsto
remember
1936-Thecityisabarricade,
atrapandaslaughterhouse
thisstrangehellwasourhome
Inthesoullesscity,aman
allowshimselftobekilled
beforehewillallowthem
tofindhisfamily.
Fleshagainstflesh That’stheworstpain.Theloss
bloodagainstblood ofone’sface,oftheshapeof
yourhand.Orforgettinga
turnofphraseor
thecurveofone’shandwriting
onpaper.
1937-Enclosedbythesea,
Ontheroad
theairplanesandthecannons
ofthearmoredshipswipeout
therefugees.
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Fleshagainstflesh Thatface,thathand,thatvoice,
bloodagainstblood thatwriting,willneverlive
again.WhenIforgetit.There
willcomeotherfaces,other
voices,otherhands.Butmy
eyesdon’twishtoseethem
anylonger.
1939-Theearthisfulloffugitives,
ofdeserters.Butthedeathsquads
don’trest.
Fleshagainstflesh I’mchoking.There’snoone
bloodagainstblood besideme.I’malone.Alone.
Doyouhearme?
There’snoone. There’snoone.
1941-Mauthausen.Hellexists
onearth
Fire. Noone.Darkness.Nothing
Fire. else.Nooneelsewith
Fire. me.
Nooneandnothingexcept
therain.Andthefootsteps
ofthosewhoflee,thatso
longagohavebeenerased.
Ineedair.I’mchoking.
There’snoonebesideme.
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I’malone.
Alone.Doyouhearme?
Andyourshadowdisappears
andI’malone.
Fire.
Fire.
Fire.
It’sraining.I’minthedark,
andontheothersideit’s
raining.Thewaterblursthe
viewoftheotherside.The
raindistortstheroad’sprofile,
filledwithmud.Andthesea
isdilutedintherain.
I’mlookingformyfather,I’m
lookingforJuanCerrada.
Thetimehaspassed.Now,
againI’mlookingforyou.
Withthemoonlightinmy
eyesandmylipsbrushing
upagainstthewater,Icall
younowasIcalledyoubefore.
Iwhisperyournamethreetimes.
JuanCerrada
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JuanCerrada
JuanCerrada.
1936-1939
Mendieandnoonecan
stoptheearthfrom
embracingthem.
Inthedarknesslivethe Inthedarknesslivethe
ghostsofmysolitude. ghostsofmysolitude.
Iliveandthememories. Iliveandthememories.
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2. THRESHOLD
(AnelderlymanandtheWOMAN.Inthepatioofaresthome,ManuelDueñassketchestherestofhis
lifewithpiecesofhispast.)
DUEÑAS:JuanCerrada?Who’sthat?
WOMAN:Istartoffonalongroadtowardknowingthelifeofmyfather.Iputquestionstoveteranswho
musthavemethim.Ininstitutionsfortheagedtheactofforgettingisallowedtodie.
DUEÑAS:JuanCerrada?
WOMAN:They’vetoldmethatyousurelymusthaveknownhim.JuanCerradawassomeoneveryclose
tome.IneedtoknowsomethingaboutJuanCerrada.
DUEÑAS:Haveyoubroughtmetobacco?
WOMAN:No,Ididn’tknowyousmoked,butIcanbringyousomethenexttimeIcome…
DUEÑAS:Whoareyou?
WOMAN:MynameisAnaLebrón…I’mlookingforJuanCerrada.
DUEÑAS:JuanCerrada.I’veknownsomanypeople.Somanyyearsago.Somanypeoplegoinginand
outofmylife….Whoareyou?
WOMAN:I’vealreadytoldyou.
DUEÑAS:You’vetoldme?Me?Whatisityouwant?
WOMAN:Myname isAnaLebrónand I’m looking foramannamed JuanCerrada. He fought for the
Republic,likeyou.
DUEÑAS:Don’traiseyourvoice.Youneverknowwho’slistening.
WOMAN:I’mnotspeakingloud.Andyoushouldn’tbeafraid.Thisisasafeplace.
DUEÑAS:Areyoucomingtobringmemedicine?I’mnotplanningtotakeit.
WOMAN:JuanCerrada.Remember,please.
DUEÑAS:JuanCerrada.You’rewrong.I’mnotJuanCerrada.
WOMAN:Youmethim.
DUEÑAS:When?
WOMAN:Afterthewar,inMauthausen.
DUEÑAS:Mauthausen.
WOMAN:Yes.JuanCerradawaswithyou,inMauthausen.
DUEÑAS:InMauthausenwewereabout8,000Spaniards.But5,000stayedthere,forever.
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WOMAN:Iknowitwasveryhardtosurvivethere…
DUEÑAS:Doyouhavechickenbroth?
WOMAN:Sorry?
DUEÑAS:Tobacco.
WOMAN:No.
DUEÑAS:Weed?
WOMAN:Listentome.
DUEÑAS:Whywon’tyoujustleavemealonenow?I’mverytired.Givemethatshittymedicinenow,
andgetoutofhere.
WOMAN:Idon’thaveanymedicine. I’mnotanurse.Listentomecarefully. WhatI’mlookingforis
very importanttome… And Iknowyou’llbeabletohelpme. Doyouunderstand? Myname isAna
LebrónandI’mlookingforamannamedJuanCerrada.YoumethiminMauthausen.
Mauthausen.Iwanttoknowifthatman,ifJuanCerrada,whowaswithyouinMauthausen…
DUEÑAS:Mauthausen.InMauthausen…therewerekapos,andinformers.Youunderstandme?They
wereworsethantheNazis.
WOMAN:WasJuanCerradaoneofthem?
DUEÑAS:Cerrada?Juan?Goodkid.
WOMAN:Soyouknowhim?
DUEÑAS:Who?
WOMAN:Thisman,JuanCerrada.
(Shegiveshimaphoto.)
DUEÑAS:You’rethenursewhocomeswiththepictures.Areweplayingtodayaswell?WhatdoIhave
todowiththis?Tellme.Whatisityou’redoinghere?
WOMAN:Lookatthispictureclosely. Thisyoungman. I’mhisdaughter,Cerrada’sdaughter. Lookat
him.JuanCerrada.
DUEÑAS:Ididn’tknowJuanhadchildren.
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3. FOOTSTEPSINTHERAIN
WOMAN:WhenIwaslittle,mymotherhidmyfather’sidentityfromme.AllIknewabouthimwashis
name,nothingelse.Myquestionscollidedwithhersilence.Attimes,withanger.Ionlyhadanameand
ablurryweddingphotothatIfoundhiddeninacloset.
WhenIgrewupIgotupthecouragetoshowherthephoto.Shetriedtograbitfromme,butwhenshe
failedsheactedlikeitmeantnothing.Iwasn’tfooledandIstoodthere,lookingathersilently.Thenshe
toldmeaghastlystoryabouthowshe’dcelebratedherweddingin1938,rightinthemiddleofthewar
andtheemptyspace,andhowthefollowingmorningafascistsquadcameformyfather,to‘takehimfor
alittlewalk’.Hisbodywasneverfound.That’sallshetoldme.Ibelieveshereallydidn’tknowanything
more.
JustaftershediedIgotaletterfromtheMinistryofForeignAffairs.Itwasacommuniquéfromthe
Germangovernment,addressedtothefamilyofJuanCerrada.Itwassomethingcompletelyunexpected.
Theyinformedmeofmyfather’simprisonmentinadeathcamp,inMauthausen.Likewiseabouthis
laterliberationthankstotheAmericans.Mauthausen.Anameinscribedwithhorrorinhistoryandin
everyone’smemory.That’showIfoundoutthatJuanCerradahadn’tdiedin1938,thatmyfathercould
stillbealivetoday.Itwasonlyapossibility,andaremoteoneatthat.ButIclungtoit.
***
(Anaandherboyfriend.Arelationshipthat’sabouttoend.Thebeginningofthesearch.)
ALBERTO:Haveyoupackedthesuitcasesyet?Yourticket,doyouhaveit?You’llhavetocheckthat
you’vegotitall.Youdon’twanttofindoutyouleftsomethinghereandhavetocomeback.
WOMAN:Please,don’tmakeascene.You’renotgoingtocausemeanypain.
ALBERTO:Youmeanthatthisisover.
WOMAN:Idon’tknowwhatI’mgoingtofind,andIdon’tknowhowI’mgoingtoreactatwhateverIdo
find.It’sbetterthatwehaveourfreedom.
ALBERTO:Ana,you’relookingforghosts,justghosts.
WOMAN:I’mnotlookingforanyghost.I’mlookingformyfather.
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ALBERTO:Don’tkidyourself.Thingshavefollowedtheircourse.Timesparesnoone.Areyougoingto
throweverythingawayfornothing?
WOMAN:Alberto…
ALBERTO:Youwanttorunoffandleaveme.Andalltheseyearswe’veshared,andthechildyouwere
hopingwewouldhave,whataboutthat?Ithoughtitwaseverythingyouwantedinthisworld…
I’mtryingtolookatthingscoolly,but…Youhaven’tbeenyourselfforawholeyear.
WOMAN:Alberto,mymotherdiedayearago.
ALBERTO:Justrememberwhowastherebyyourside.Thenandalways.Ana.Weweremakingplans,
youandI.Forthefuture.Butit’sbeenawhilesinceyoustoppedtalkingtomeaboutalotofthings.
Wehaven’ttalkedaboutrealityforquiteawhile.Andnow,honestly,Idon’tknowwhatitisthatyou’re
lookingforinallofthis.
WOMAN:Ifyoudon’tbelieveme,thenthisrelationshiphasneverhadanymeaning,andit’snotworth
theeffortofcontinuing.
ALBERTO:Justtellmeonething:areyousureofwhatyou’reabouttodo?
WOMAN:Yes.
SoIbeganalongjourneytoreconstructmyfather’slife,beyondwhatlittleIknewfrommymother.
Beyondwhatsheneverlearned.Ibegantofollowhistrail,stepbystep,withfortyyearsbetweenus.
Files,documents,papers.Istartedcompilingthetestimonyofthosewhoareleft.Istartedcompilingthe
testimonyofthosewhowerestilllivingandmighthaveseenmyfather.Itwasn’teasy,andsometimesI
gaveitallupforlost.NooneknewJuanCerrada.
***
(ThelongjourneyoftheWOMAN.Herinvestigations.Registrymanagers,civilservants,apriest…)
MANAGER1:I’velookedthreetimesandthere’snoonebythatnametobefoundinanyregistry.
WOMAN:Nonetheless,hisbirthrecordhastoshowupsomeplace.
MANAGER1:Backinthosedaysthemostreliableregistriesweretheonesintheparishchurches.You’ll
havetoinquireatthearchbishopric.Ihopeyou’relucky.Asageneralrule,thepriestswerevery
discreetaboutthatsortofthing.Asageneralrule.Butattimesitwasn’tthatway.Alsokeepinmind
thatafterallthathappenedinthiscountry,allkindsofaccidentallossesoccurred.
WOMAN:Andthere’snootherwaytofindthisinformation?
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MANAGER1:Theremightbe,butyou’renotgoingtofindithere.I’vedoneallIcantohelpyou.Next,
please?
***
WOMAN:Lookclosely.
MANAGER2:TherewasneveranyindividualnamedJuanCerradainthearmy.
WOMAN:I’mreferringtotheRepublicanarmy.
MANAGER2:I’vespentanhourporingoverthehistoricalfiles,becausethere’snomentionofhimin
theonesalreadydigitalizedeither.NotontheNationalistside,notontheRepublicanone.Therewas
noofficialorsoldiernamedJuanCerrada.
WOMAN:ButI’mabsolutelycertainhewasintheRepublicanarmy.
MANAGER2:Butatthetime,anyonecouldenlistintheUGTfaction,ortheCommunistParty,orthe
CNT.Justaswastrueontheotherside,wheremanychosetoenlistintheCarlistorfascisttroops,and
theydidn’tenlistinthestrictsenseoftheword.Quitesimply,theygrabbedarifleandimmediatelyhit
thefront.
WOMAN:Arethereregistriesforsomethinglikethis?
MANAGER2:Isupposeyoumeanforthereds,right?Theinformationwasn’tkeptinacentrallocation.
TheCommunistshelditunderthetable.Buttheothers,notatall.Anyway,witheverythingthatwent
onafterward,muchofitwaslostorburnedup.Thatgoesforbothsides.Andlateron,exile,purges,
andwitchhuntsdestroyedthelittlethatwasleftbehind.
***
WOMAN:Butamarriagecertificatehastoexist.
MANAGER3:Thecivilregistriesfromthattimeweredestroyed.
WOMAN:There’sgottobesomething.Anote,anything.Themorningafterthewedding,theymoved
toarresthim.Therehastobesomethinginprintrecordingthatpoliceorder.
MANAGER3:What’syourpurposeinfindingthisman?He’salmostsurelyburiedinsomecommon
grave.
WOMAN:Ifthat’sso,I’dliketoseehisdeathcertificate,andknowwherethegraveiswherehewas
buried.Ineedsomethingconcrete.IsheburiedinGermany?InSpain?
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MANAGER3:Whatdoesitmatterwhereitis?What’sthesenseoftakingintoaccountsomeone’s
nationalityifhe’sinacommongrave?
WOMAN:Commongraveshavenonationality.Andtheexecutioners?Thevictims,obviouslytheyhave
nonationality.Theydon’thavethatrightoranyother.
MANAGER3:Forgetit,don’tgolookingforadeadman.Itwon’tdohimanygood.
WOMAN:I’mnotevenabsolutelycertainhe’sdead.WhichiswhyIneedsomeanswer.
MANAGER3:Miss,you’vewornoutmypatience.Please,Ibegyoutoleaveandletmework.
***
MANAGER4:Payattentiontome.GotoCapitanía.Maybethere’ssomethingthere.You’renotgoing
tofindmuchhere.
WOMAN:Theytoldmetheretheyhavenothing.Anywhere.
MANAGER4:Well,then…
WOMAN:It’sverystrangethatinSpainthere’snothingleft.ButI’vejustcomefromGermanyandthere
they’veprovidedmemoresolutionsthanhere.ArecordofadmittancetotheMauthausencamp.
MANAGER4:YousaythatthatmandiedinMauthausen?
WOMAN:Hedidn’tdiethere.Buthewentinasaprisoner.There’sanotherrecordinexistenceshowing
hewasfreedbytheAmericans.
MANAGER4:Soifyouhaveallthatinformation,whatareyoulookingforhere?
WOMAN:Iwanttolocatehim,intheeventhe’sstillalive.
MANAGER 4: I tell you again that youwon’t find anything here. What’s your purpose in looking for
informationaboutthisman?
WOMAN:Hewasmyfather.
MANAGER 4: You wantmy advice? Stop worrying somuch about the papers. Look in the veterans
groups.Anythingcouldhavehappened.Maybeyourfatherevenchangedhisidentityatsomepoint.
WOMAN:Butisthatpossible?Forhimtochangehisname?Andhisdocuments?Andhislife?
(Ahugenoiseisheardcomingfromabovethem.)
What’sthatnoise?Issomethinghappening?
MANAGER4:It’sraining.Italwayssoundsthatwaywhenitrains.
***
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(It’sraining.
Just as it did in that fall of 1936. Amerciless rain, respecting neither day nor night. Neither life nor
death.
Acrueltimethat’smakingmenkilloneanother.
Voicesintherainintermingle.)
-Rain.
-Afinecurtainofrainwasfalling,awarm,springrain.
-Rainmixed intotheearth. Itwasformingpoolsofmud. Itwashardtomoveforwardwithsomuch
mud.
-Itwasfallingonmyface.Iremembered…
-Therainwasinhuman.Itwasfallingasthoughitwantedtoputanendtous.Fromtheforceofitsfall,
wewerethrowntotheground.
-Wewouldraiseourfacestothesky,andtellourselves,ifonlytherainwouldfall.Ifitwouldjuststart
torain.Then,theairplaneswouldn’tbeabletofly.Wewouldsigh,lookingupatthesky.Andfromfar
away,youcouldhearthethunderofthemotors.Wewouldruntotakeshelter,becausewhatwasgoing
tofallnowwasarainofbombs.
-Wehadnothingtosmoke.We’devenourtrytosmokeourrope.Buttherainsoakedourtinderboxes
andwecouldn’tgetalight.
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-Theraincomplicatedeverything. It turnedthepossibilityofahidingplace intoan impossibility. The
rainmadethecitymoreuninhabitable.Thecitythathadturnedintoastrangeplace.Anybodywould
takeadvantageofthemostminorsliptoreportme.
-Haveyouseenthisman?Surelyyouknowhim.Haveyoueverseenhimaroundhere?
-It’dbebestifyoulefttochangeyourclothes.Andputonsomenewboots.Ifnot,youwon’tbeableto
walkmorethanafewsteps.
-Therainwouldfallonmyface.Iwasremembering.
-Above allwas thework, the fields needed our attention. The seasonswere passing. And over our
bodies,theyearswerepassingaswell.Thewarcreatedanewtime.
-Ican’tremember.Idon’tknowwhattherewasbefore.Therewasn’tanything.Whenthiswarisover,
ifIgobackhome,Idon’tknowwho’llbewaitingforme.Ifanyone’swaitingforme.
-Therainwouldn’tletussleep.Itpenetrated,righttothemarrow.Ourboneswereheavyladenwith
thewetcoldoftherain. Andthewaterworeawaythefacesofthecorpses,until itturnedtheminto
mud.
-It’sraining.JustthesameasitwasraininginSpaininthatfallof1936.Amercilessrainforacruelwar.
-It’srainingandtearsofrainerasemyface.It’sraining:pitilesslyblastingtheroofofthebarrackhut.
-Whenwillitstopraining?
-Come,takeshelterhere.You’regoingtofreeze.
-Whoareyou?
-Don’tyoutrustme?Iknowyou.
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-Ihadneverseenyoubefore.
***
(It’sraining.
TheWOMANrunsunderneaththerain.
Sheknocksatthewindowforsomeonetoopenit,butisignored.
WOMAN:I’mlookingforamanandtheytoldmeyoumayknowwhereheis.HisnameisJuanCerrada.
Eventhoughyoumayknowhimbyanothername.He’sabout70yearsold.Idon’tknowanythingelse
abouthim.
MANAGER5:Yougotheretoolate.There’snobodyleftnow.
WOMAN:Where’severyonegone?
MANAGER5:Theoldfolkstakeoffearly.YouneedtocomeonMonday.It’sbetterthatyoutalkwith
them.Becauseaccordingtowhatyou’vesaidabouthim,hecouldbeanybody.Ifyouhavesomething
moresubstantial…
WOMAN:Moresubstantial?
MANAGER5:Aphoto,somei.d.Something.
WOMAN:Lookatthisphoto.Maybeyouknowhim.He’sanolderperson.Hecouldbeinhiding,living
apartfromeveryone.HemayhavetoldpeoplehetookpartintheCivilWar.Itcouldbethathehasn’t
saidanythingtoanyone.
MANAGER5:Pardonme,butIdon’thavemyglasses.It’sbetterifyoucomebackonMondayandtalk
withtheoldfolks.Asforme,thereisn’tmuchIcandotohelpyou.Wantacupofcoffee?Drinkitand
comebackMonday.I’vegottocloseupnow.
WOMAN:I’velookedinarchives,ininstitutions,incitiesandvillages.IwenttoGermanytoaskabouta
manwhomusthavearrivedfromSpainviaFrance.InSpainI’msearchingintherainforonemoreclue,
somethingtobringmeclosertotheenigmaofafatherwhoappearsanddisappears.
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MANAGER6:But lady,you’regoingtogetsoaked. Don’tyouhaveaplacetostay? Grabahotel, it’s
almostnighttime.Andgoonwithyourquestionstomorrow,ifyouwant.Butnowyou’regoingtocatch
pneumonia.
WOMAN:Areyougoingtoopenthedoorformeornot?
MANAGER6:Ialreadytoldyouwe’reclosed.Ican’tattendtoyounow.
WOMAN:Youcan’tdothistome.
MANAGER6:Ifyoudon’thaveaplacetostay,Icantakeyoutothevillagepub.Theyrentroomsthere.
WOMAN:Idon’twantaroomorahoteloracupofcoffee.Ineedyoutoopenthedoorforme.Ineed
totalk. Tosearch. Ineedtofind. Idon’twanttosleep. Notyet. I’llsleeplateron. Openthedoor.
Please.
MANAGER6:But,whatdoyouwant?
WOMAN:I’mlookingforaman.HisnameisJuanCerrada.
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4. DOUBT
WOMAN:I’vehadalongroadtocoverinordertogettoknowmyfather’slife,tolearnsomething
beyondwhatmymothertoldme.Beyondwhatsheeverlearned.Ibegantofollowhistrail,stepbystep,
withfiftyyearsbetweenus.Withthetestimonyofthosestillleft.Itwasn’teasy,andeverythingnow
seemedfornaught.NobodyknewJuanCerrada.
Focuscarefully.JuanCerrada.
DUEÑAS:Iknewmanypeople.Almosteveryone.Firstthroughthewar.Then,throughexileandthe
concentrationcamp.Lateron,throughtheresistanceandjail.Awholelot.Somanydead.Somuch
pain.Somuch.Almosteveryone.AndnowItrulyknowallwhoareleft.Time.Wedieoff.There
aren’tsomanyofusanymore.Someofthemyoucanseerighthere.Doyouseethem,underthat
tree?Orinthedininghall?
WOMAN:Really,youknowthemall?
DUEÑAS:Timeravagesmuchmorethanwar.Therearefewerofuseveryday.Age,sickness,death.All
ofuswhoareleft,everydaytherearefewerofus.EverydayIknowmore,everydaytherearefewerof
us.
WOMAN:Please,focusonthemaninthephoto.JuanCerrada.Thatwashisname.
DUEÑAS:What’sthatyousay?
WOMAN:Juan.JuanCerrada.
DUEÑAS:ThereweremanyJuansbackthen.Juaniswaytoocommonaname.
WOMAN:Butyouhavetoknowhim.Youtoldmetheotherday…
DUEÑAS:Idon’tneedforyoutorepeatit.Youjusttoldme.YouthinkI’moutofit?Givemethat
photo.Theotherday.WhythisisthefirsttimeI’veseenyou.You’reconfused.Imaynotbeableto
feelmylegs,butasfarasmymemory…Iholditallinhere.Irememberitall.Iwouldrememberyou
andthisphoto.
WOMAN:Dueñasknewmanyoftheveteranswhomusthavegoneintoexilewithhim.Buttimepasses
andageisadisloyalcompanion.Ihadtobepatient.Tositbytheman,whileherolledhiscigarettesand
thencrushedthemonthegroundwithouteverhavingsmokedthem.Tositbyhissidewhilehepicked
offnamesandfragmentsfromlivesthathadnowdisappeared.Andtohope,hopingthatfromthat
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tangleofhismemorytheremightappearwhatIneededtohear.Manytimes,thememoriesweren’tat
allpleasant.TheroadtowardJuanCerradawastorturous,andfollowingitIcrossedoverintohell.
DUEÑAS:Ofcourse,Irememberhim.Cerrada,yes.Hewentintoexile,likesomanyothers.InFrance,
oncehecrossedtheborder,hewasarrestedinArgelès-sur-mer.ButIdidn’tmeethimuntilwesaw
eachotherinMauthausen.
WOMAN:JuanCerradareappearsinthewordsofManuelDueñas,whichconfirmthethreadbare
informationfromtheGermanarchives.MyfatherarrivedinMauthausen.Accordingtothearchives
fromthecamp’sliberation,hesurvived.
Thatgavemehope.Thatmaybemyfatherwasalive.Iwouldliketothinkitcouldhavebeenso.That
JuanCerradaleftthecamp,alive.ButaccordingtoDueñas,andtoeveryonewhoIlaterinterviewed,it
wasn’tthatway.
WOMAN:Dead?
DUEÑAS:Gusen.
WOMAN:Gusen.ThatwaspartofMauthausen.
DUEÑAS:Itwasonlytwomilesfromthere.Itwasoneofthefiftysub-campsofMauthausen.Theworst
ofthemall.
WOMAN:SoIhaveread.Fortheoneswhoendedupthere,acampguaranteeingtheirdeath.Areyou
sureJuanCerradadiedinGusen?
DUEÑAS:Isawhimridinginatruckheadedforthatplace.Thosewhowentinthereneverleft.Ifhehad
managedtoescape,ifthattruckhadneverarrivedthere,wewouldhaveheardaboutitandcelebrated.
WOMAN:So,myfatherisdead.
***
WOMAN:Asaresult,whenIresearchedmoreinGermany,wheretheyconfirmedmyfather’s
imprisonment,andwheretheycertifiedthathe’dsurvived,thathehadtobealive,myworldendedup
fallingapart.Theworstthingofallisdoubt,andlivingwithoutknowingforcertainwhathappened.I
startedtoreviewtheinterviewsalloveragain.Manytimes,Ire-interviewedthewitnesses,justincase
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theremightbeashredofhope.Everyoneconfirmedagainthatmyfathercouldn’thavesurvivedunder
anycircumstance.
DUEÑAS:JuanCerrada?Idon’tknowhim.ShouldIknowhimfromsomewhere?Whydon’tyoupass
memymedication,miss?Andletmehaveasmoke,don’tbeakilljoy.Onelittlebuttwon’tkillme.
Nurse.Won’tyoudomeafavor?
***
WAITER:Cerrada.JuanCerrada.
WOMAN:Doyouknowhim?
WAITER:You’renotgoingtoorderanythingtodrink?
WOMAN:Ifyouputitthatway,aglassofwine.
WAITER:OfcourseIknowCerrada.Whyareyoulookingforhim?
WOMAN:I’mwritingastoryaboutformersoldiersintheCivilWar.
WAITER:Ididn’tknowJuanwassoimportantthatanyonewouldwanttointerviewhim.He’sagood
man.ButIdon’tseehimcomingoutonTVorspeakingoutinthepapers.
WOMAN:Hashetoldyouwhathedidinthewar?
WAITER:Ineverheardhimtalkaboutthewar.
WOMAN:Hashelivedherealongtime?
WAITER:Abouttenyears,moreorless.Wouldn’titbebetterifyouaskedhimyourself?
WOMAN:That’swhatIwant.Wheredoeshelive?
WAITER:Heliveshere.Ontheoutskirtsoftown.OntheMálaga-Motrilroad.Abitawayfrom
everything.Kindofhowheis.
WOMAN:Isiteasytogetthere?
WAITER:Doyouhaveacar?
WOMAN:No.Canyoutakeme?
WAITER:EvenbycarIwouldn’trecommendyougonow.Ifyouwant,Icangetyouclosetomorrow.I
havesomebusinesstotakecareofinthatarea.Butrightnowyoubetternot,it’stoolatetodo
anything.
***
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WOMAN:I’veretracedthestepsofJuanCerradasincethemomentafascistsquadronstormedintohis
homeandgrabbedhimoutofhiswife’s,mymother’s,arms.I’vefollowedhimintoexileinFrance.I
followedhimonhisjourneytoMauthausen.Andfromthere,finally,toGusen.FromGusen,noonegot
out.
UptothispointthestepsofmysearchhaveledmeuptothismanwhoclaimstobenamedJuan
Cerrada.Ifmyfather’sdead,whoisthismanwhowantstoimpersonatehim,totakehisnameanduse
itforwhoknowswhatandtowhatend?
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5. DARKNESS
OLDMAN:IsurvivedMauthausen.Iwaslockedupthere,togetherwithJews,Poles,withGermans.We
wereallundertheruthlessknifeoftheNazis.AndSpaniards,too.
YOUNGMAN:AmIalive?Whythisdarkness?Areyoustillalive?Ihearyourbreathing.Youarethere.
Talktome.TellmeifI’mstillliving.
OLDMAN:Thereisn’tanyone.I’mstillhere,alone.Alone!
YOUNGMAN:You’regoingtowakeeveryoneupwithyourshouting.Bequietorthey’llcomeforus.
OLDMAN:I’mstillshoutinginmydreams,everynightasthoughIwerestillthere,inMauthausen.I
keephearingthevoicesoftheothers.AlthoughthismaybeSpainandfortyyearsmayhavepassed
sincethen.
YOUNGMAN:There’salongroadthatendsinfrontofthiswindow.ButI’mstillclosedupinabarrack
atMauthausen.
OLDMAN:There’salongroadthatendshere.Infrontofthishuge,immensewindow,openedtothe
sea,closedbytheroad.
YOUNGMAN:Throughthatwindow,onlydarknessenters.Ineedlight.Light.It’sstartingtorain.
There’saletterinthemailbox.
OLDMAN:“I’maresearcherincontemporaryhistoryandmyfieldofstudyistheconsequencesofthe
CivilWaronthosewhosuffereddefeat.Iamcurrentlydevelopingadocumentaryprojectaboutwhat
occurredtothosewho,likeyou,experienceditallonthelosingside.I’mveryinterestedinarrangingan
interviewwithyouandlearningintheprocessaboutyourwarexperiences,aswellashowtheSpanish
andyouaswellsurvivedimprisonmentinaNaziconcentrationcamp.”
…theconsequencesoftheCivilWaronthosewhosuffereddefeat…
Incrediblestupidity…thosewhosuffereddefeat…
How’sshefoundme?Somuchtimehaspassed.IthoughtthatI’dneveragain….Thisletter…Itscares
me.Aftersomanyyears…Idon’tknowwhothatwomanis.What’ssheafter?
Ioughttothrowawaythesepapers,forgetaboutitall.ForthetimeIhaveleft,itmakesnosensetoget
moreinvolved.It’stimenowtorest.Toforget.
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Shecan’tsuspectanything.Really,whatdidhappen?Nothing.WhatevildidIdo?None.Lether
come.I’llmeetwithheropenly.Lethercome,letherlook,letherseeandquestionme,shecango
overitall,ifshewants.Letherseethattheonlythingshe’llfindhereisanoldmanwithashorttime
lefttolive.
…veryinterestedinarranginganinterview……yourexperiencesinthewar……aNaziconcentration
camp…
YOUNGMAN:Inthebottomofawell.Ablackanddeepwell.It’sstrangeIcankeepbreathing,when
it’ssodeep,soblack.It’sstrangetwosuchdifferentpeoplecansharesomuch.IfIbreathe,you
breathe.IfImovemyhand,youmoveyours.Openthedoor.Ifyouweretoopenit,Iwouldopenit.If
youweretogoout,Iwouldgoout.Tothesunlight.Totherain.I’menclosedinyourenclosure.Iwant
togoout,Iwanttolive.
OLDMAN:Anoldmanfacingthisroad.
YOUNGMAN:I’mgoingtoopenthedoortothestreet.Openthedoor.
OLDMAN:I’veconcealedmyselffromtheworld.Andnow,oncemore,theworldisknockingatmy
door.Someone’sthreateningtoopenthatdoorandtheentireworldwillfollowbehind.
YOUNGMAN:Openit,wideopen.Doyouhearme?Youneedtoleavethewindowswideopen,sothat
theaircancomeinandthelightcanburnitallup.Yes.Youhearme.
OLDMAN:Noone’stalking.Idon’thearanything.
YOUNGMAN:I’mhere,withyou.
OLDMAN:There’snobodyhere.Nobody.Noone’scomein.Thedoorsareclosed.Thewindowsare
closed,andnobody’sgoingtoopenthem.
YOUNGMAN:Andontheroadyou’llseemenandwomen,childrenandoldpeople,fallingunderthe
weightofthemachinegunfire.That’swhatyoualwayssay.
OLDMAN:Noonecangetintothishouse.Idon’twantanyonecomingin.
YOUNGMAN:They’resimplyghosts.They’renotevenyourownghosts.Me,I’mhere.Evenifyou
ignoreme,I’malwayshere.
OLDMAN:Ican’tbreathe.I’mchoking.Ifeelafireinside.
YOUNGMAN:Fire.Thisroom,thechairyoucan’tgetoutof,theentirehouse,youandI.Afireinside.
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No,nothing’sburning.
Yououghttosleepmoreatnight.Atyourage,youneedtotakecarebettercareofyourself,orlet
someonecareforyou.Theyearsgobyforeverybody.Letmegetyoudressed,likeachild.Nowaren’t
youbetter?Itisn’tgoodforsomeoneyouragetolivebyyourself.
OLDMAN:Letmedieinpeace.
YOUNGMAN:Youclingtolifelikeacurse.You’vealwayssurvived.You‘vegottenoutonyourowntwo
feet,notfromjustone,butvarioushells,soyou’renotgoingtodiesoeasilynow.
OLDMAN:Wehadn’tspokentooneanotherinalongtime.
YOUNGMAN:Youhadn’tthoughtaboutmeforalongtime.
OLDMAN:Don’tmakeamartyroutofme.
YOUNGMAN:Memorieshurt.Doyouhearthewind?
OLDMAN:Idon’thearanything.
YOUNGMAN:Thewind.It’showling.Doesitremindyouofanything?It’sraining.
OLDMAN:Therainhasmorepitythanyou.
Battle.
Afighttothedeathbetweentwopeoplewhoitseemsimpossiblecouldbelovers.
Itseemsimpossiblethattheycouldevenloveeachother.Theirbodiesintertwineinthebattle,andsex
joinsthematthesametimetheirwordsseparatethem.
ALBERTO:You’renotleavinghere.
WOMAN:Howareyougoingtostopme?
ALBERTO:I’lllockallthedoors.I’lltieyourhands.I’llblindfoldyou.
WOMAN:Letmego.
ALBERTO:It’syouwhowon’tseparateyourselffromme.
WOMAN:Inalittlewhileitwon’t…Letmego.Ineedyou.No.Letmego.
ALBERTO:Askmeagain.
WOMAN:Letmegonow.Letmegoatonce.
ALBERTO:Repeatitagain.
WOMAN:Bequiet.Justgoonlikethat.
(TheWOMANpullsherselfawayfromhim,violently.)
Ihavetogoawaynow.
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ALBERTO:Ineverthoughtthismomentwouldcome.WhenIthoughtaboutit,Icouldn’timaginewhatI
couldpossiblysaytoyou.Now.WhatIwouldsaytoyounow:you’renotleavinghere.
WOMAN:Areyouthreateningme?
ALBERTO:Don’tcomenearme.Don’tdoit,ifyou’regoingtoabandonme.
WOMAN:SomedayI’llcomeback.
ALBERTO:So,ifyouleaveme,Idon’tknowifI’llwantyoubackbymyside.Don’tleave.
WOMAN:Ihavetodoit.
ALBERTO:Thisplacewhereyou’regoing,willyougetintouchwithmefromthere?
WOMAN:Idon’tknow.
ALBERTO:Doyoumeanit,thatyou’llcomeback?
WOMAN:Idon’tknow.
ALBERTO:CanIaskyousomething?
WOMAN:Yes.
ALBERTO:What’llyoudowhenyoufindyourghost?
WOMAN:Itisn’tanyghost.
ALBERTO:What’llyoudo?
WOMAN:Idon’tknow.
ALBERTO:It’sraining.Wouldn’titbebetterforyoutostayheretonight?
WOMAN:Soonerorlaterit’sgoingtohavetostopraining.
ALBERTO:It’sraining.Bringalongsomethingtoprotectyourself.
WOMAN:Idon’tthinkanumbrellawilldomuchgoodagainstthisdownpour.
ALBERTO:It’sraining.Don’tyourealize?It’sraining.
(TheWOMANentersthebedroom,carefully,withgreatcaution,measuringeachoneofhersteps.The
houseisalmostdark.Thefurnitureandobjectsareallclean.Itseemsuninhabited,buttheemptiness
quiversdisturbedbyanindefinitepresence.)
WOMAN:JuanCerrada?
I’mAnaLebrón.
We’darrangedtomeettoday.
IthoughtthatyouknewI’dbecomingnow.Ithoughtthatyou’dbeheretomeetme.
(TheWOMANbeginstogetnervous,andtodoubteverystepshetakes.)
ButIdon’tseeanyone.
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(Silence.)
JuanCerrada?
IhopeI’vecomeatagoodtime.Iwouldn’twanttobotheryou.
(Indecision.Pause.)
Mr.Cerrada?
JuanCerrada?
Couldyoucomeout,please?
(TheWOMANtakesoutasmallagendabookfromherpurseandchecksit.Inasoftvoice.)
Thisistheaddress.MotrilRoad.Itcan’tbeanyotherhouse.
(Silence.TheWOMANwondersifsheshouldleave.Butshestays,waiting.)
Doyouhearme?
(Thewomanwaits.Thereisnoanswer.)
JuanCerrada?
(TheWomanwaitsamoment,andthenbeginstoleave,headingtowardthedoor.
Aclearingofthethroat.TheWOMANisstartled.)
Areyouthere?
Isityou?
Areyouplayingagamewithme?
(Silence.
Andsheraiseshervoice.)
Who’sthere?
(Fromacornerofthehouse,frombehindalargearmchair,hidinganyviewofitsoccupant,wehearthe
voiceoftheOLDMAN.Andobservehishand,extended,inadrygestureoftrustworthiness.)
OLDMAN:Don’tbeafraid.
(TheWOMANjumps.ShelookstowardwheretheOLDMANhasbeenseated.Butbetweenthecoverof
darknessandtheOLDMAN’splacement,shecan’tseeanything.)
WOMAN:It’syou.JuanCerrada.Finally,inmypresence.I’mgladtomeetupwithyou.
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6. CITY
(Thewindandtheraintransportusbacktothepast.1936.Amanhideshisgaze.)
POLICEINSPECTOR:1936.Itwasagoodyearfornothing.Thewinterwasextremelycold.Thesummer
heat,stifling.Therain,whentherewasrain,fellintorrentialfashion.Andbeyondallofthis,that.The
Rebellion,orasotherscalledit,theUprising.Theendofeverything,orperhapstheopportunityfora
beginningoftoomanythings.Thatbroughtnotonlythewar,butwarswithinthewar.Itwasn’tonlya
battleagainstfascism,butaroadtowardthefuturewherewefacedoffagainsttoomany
counterrevolutions.1936wastheyearthatMadridbeganasiegethatwasgoingtolasttheentirewar.
In1936theymademethepeople’spoliceinspector.IhadtodothingsthatinothertimesIwouldhave
foundrepulsive.ButatthetimeIthoughtthatwhatIwasdoingwasjust.Oratleast,itwaswhatIhad
todoatthatmoment.Istillfeelthesame.
(ThePOLICEINSPECTORintimidatestheYOUNGMAN,holdingarifleathisback.)
Documentation.
YOUNGMAN:Ihaven’tdoneanything.
POLICEINSPECTOR:We’llleavethatforthePopularTribunaltodecide.Documentation.
YOUNGMAN:Ifyouleavemealone,Icanmakeitworthyourwhile.
POLICEINSPECTOR:I’vealreadytoldyou.Documentation.
YOUNGMAN:Please.
(ThePOLICEINSPECTORlaughs.)
POLICEINSPECTOR:Iknowyou.Don’tyouknowwhoIam?Youdon’trememberme.Lookatme
closely.I’mnotgoingtobite.Comeon,man,showalittlelife.
YOUNGMAN:Youmustbemistaken.
POLICEINSPECTOR:OfcourseI’mnotmistaken.Ofcourseweknowoneanother.Foryears.Wewere
neighbors…Weusedtoplaytogether.
YOUNGMAN:Wait,letmelookatyouclosely…
POLICEINSPECTOR:Youcan’trememberanything,Iknow.Wegrewup.Westoppedplaying,thenwe
stoppedtalkingtoeachother,andfinallyyouevenstoppedsayinghellowhenwe’dcrossthestreet.
Thesethingshappen.
YOUNGMAN:Iknowwhoyouare.
POLICEINSPECTOR:Givemeahug.
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(TheYOUNGMANstepsforwardtimidlytohughim,butthePOLICEINSPECTORdoesn’tmoveaninch.
Helaughs.TheYOUNGMANreturnsawkwardlytohisplace.)
YOUNGMAN:Youlivedtwofloorsup.Irememberitwell.AndIrememberthatIdidsayhellobackto
you.Youcan’thaveforgotten.It’struethatwedidn’ttreateachotheraswehadaschildren.Butwe
kepttalkingwheneverweranintoeachother.
POLICEINSPECTOR:Youdon’thavetojustifyyourself.Therearethingsthathappen.Suchislife.And
politics.We’rehumanbeingsafterall.Itisthatway,don’tyouthink?
YOUNGMAN:Iwasalwaysonyourside,andwheneveryonesaidthingsaboutyouIwastheretodefend
you.
POLICEINSPECTOR:Ofcourse.I’mgladtofindyouhere.Iwaslookingforyou.Youalreadyknow.
YOUNGMAN:TellmewhatitisIhavetoknow.
POLICEINSPECTOR:Look,thiscanbehandledonewayortheother.Butitwouldbebestifyoudidn’t
resist.Don’tfightit.It’llgofasterandhurtyouless.
YOUNGMAN:Please,don’tdenounceme.Don’ttellanyoneyou’veseenme.
POLICEINSPECTOR:Youdon’tunderstand.Idon’tneedtotellanybodyanything.I’vefoundyou.If
youwant,we’lldispensewiththepleasantries.Documentation.
YOUNGMAN:Youcan’tdothistome.
POLICEINSPECTOR:We’velandedondifferentsidesofthelineoncemore.Butthistime,it’syourturn
toloseout.
YOUNGMAN:Isthisamatterofrevenge?
POLICEINSPECTOR:No.It’slife.
YOUNGMAN:IfIpayyou,wecouldmakeadeal.
POLICEINSPECTOR:Yourmoney’sworthnothinghere.
YOUNGMAN:Listentome.I’mnotsayingitformyself.Ihavechildren.Ifyoutakemeaway,ifthey’re
leftalone,youalreadyknowwhatcouldhappentothem.
POLICEINSPECTOR:Please,don’tmakethishardonyourself.Thesoonerwefinish,thebetteroffwe
bothare.
YOUNGMAN:But,mychildren…Theydon’thaveanyonetotakecareofthem.Theirmotherdied.
POLICEINSPECTOR:Somebodywilltakecareofthem.
YOUNGMAN:Inthiscitywehavenobodyleft.
POLICEINSPECTOR:Let’sgo.
YOUNGMAN:Letmetalkwiththemfirst.Please.
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POLICEINSPECTOR:You’renotgoingtogetawayfromme.I’mgoingwithyou.
YOUNGMAN:Letmegobymyself.ThenI’llgowhereveryoutellme.Iswearit.
POLICEINSPECTOR:You’retheonlyonewe’reafter.We’rehuman,wedon’twipeoutfamilies.We
believeinthefuture.Inprogress.That’swhywedon’tdoanythingtothechildren.They’rethebricks
inourbuildingofanewlife,thefuture.Becausethepastnolongermatterstous,justthefuture.I’ll
accompanyyou,youcandowhatyouwanttodo,andthenyou’llcomewithme.
(TheWOMAN,totheOLDMAN.)
WOMAN:WhatI’maskingyouisnecessary.It’saboutjustice.Inmymindit’samoralobligationfor
anyone.RestoringthememoryofthosewhosufferedbecauseoftheCivilWar.
(TheYOUNGMAN,tosomeonewecan’tsee.)
YOUNGMAN:Ifyou’rethere,don’tdoanything.Don’tcomeoutfromwhereyouare.Don’tmove.
Don’tanswerme.Justlisten.It’sagame.It’sagameofhideandseek,andyoumustn’tbefound.I’ve
gottogoawaynow.Idon’tknowhowlongit’llbebeforeweseeeachotheragain.IknowI’llcome
backtoyou,butIdon’tknowifit’llbesoonoralongtimefromnow.Youmustn’tbescared.Youhave
tokeephiding,likewe’vedoneuptonow.You,Benito,havetolookforfood,likeweusedtodowhen
weweretogether.You’retheoldestchild,andyouneedtotakecareofthemlikeIdidallofyou.
IfIdon’tcomebackinthreedays,listenup,threedays,youmustgowithyourbrothersandsisterfrom
here,andmakeittoAravaca.GotoMoncloa,andfollowtheroadtogetthere.AskforUncleAndrés.
Youhavetofindhim.He’lltreatyouasifyouwerehisownchildren.Andyoumusttreathimasifhe
wereyourrealfather.Tellhimnothingaboutme.Forgetaboutme.IpromiseyouthatonedayI’ll
cometolookforyou.Andthen…
POLICEINSPECTOR:Let’sgo…
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7. QUESTIONS
OLDMAN:Haveyoubeenherelong?
WOMAN:I’msorrytohaveawakenedyou.
OLDMAN:It’sIwhoshouldbeapologizing.Youhaven’thadmuchofawelcome,waitinghereforsucha
longtime.
WOMAN:Ijustgothere.
OLDMAN:Icanseeyou’vegottennervous,notfindinganyone.Afterthelongtripyou’vejustmade.
Quiteuncomfortable,no?Somucheffort,somuchtrouble,towhatend,Idon’tknow.Youshouldn’t
havetroubledyourself.
WOMAN:It’llbeworththetrouble,Iknow.
OLDMAN:Please,haveaseatifyou’dlike.There’sachairbehindyou.
(TheOLDMANpointswithoutgettingup.)
WOMAN:Thanks.
OLDMAN:Helpyourself.Thecupboard’sfull.There’sanherbliqueur.Butwiththisheatyoumight
wantsomethingmorerefreshing.Imadeapitcheroficetea.It’sprobablystillcold.
WOMAN:Thanks.I’llpourmyselfaglassofwater.
OLDMAN:Ihavecherries.Trythem,theretheyare,inabowlbesidethewater.
WOMAN:Veryappropriate.Thanksverymuch.They’redelicious.Verysweet.
OLDMAN:Thankthecherrytree.Therearethingsthatgobeyondourmostrationalexplanation,don’t
youthink?
WOMAN:Yes,it’sseemsquitestrange.
OLDMAN:Youseemtometobeaveryintelligentwoman.You’vemanagedtofindoutsomething
aboutme,andyou’vefiguredoutwhereIliveafterallthistime.
WOMAN:Whenoneinterviewsawitness,italwaysleadstoinformationaboutothers,althoughyou
havetobepatientaboutfindingit.What’sleftistoconnectonestorywithanotherone,onefactwith
another,andthereyouare.
OLDMAN:Ana,youdon’thaveanythingtodowiththepolice,doyou?
WOMAN:Ofcoursenot.There’snoconnectionatall.AndnaturallyI’mnotacopmyself,oranything
likeone.Thereareotherkindsofinvestigationsbesidesthepolicetype.
OLDMAN:You’verushedtogethere.Therearethingsthatcanberesolvedfromadistance,saving
yourselfthetrouble.Whatisityouwantfromme?
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WOMAN:I’vebeenwithpeoplewhoknowyou.Andthey’vespokenagreatdealaboutyou.Everything
thathappenedtoyouisofinteresttome.ButIneedtoknowitfirsthand.Awholelotofdetailsneedto
beconfirmed.Iknowhowimportantacollaborationwithyouwouldbetomyproject.
OLDMAN:Why?
WOMAN:YousurvivedaGermanconcentrationcamp.Mauthausen.
(Silence)
Afterwards,youdaredtoreturntoSpaininthemiddleofthepostwarera,intheroughesttimeperiod
oftheFrancoregime.Youshowedincredibleaudacity.
OLDMAN:Really,Iseethatyouknowalotaboutme.
(Amomentoftensesilence,whichtheOLDMANbreaksbyclearinghisthroat.)
WOMAN:Thebestthingwouldbetogetstartednow,beforeit’stoolate.
OLDMAN:It’sbeenaharddayforme.Please,let’sdropit.
WOMAN:Iwon’ttakemuchofyourtime.
OLDMAN:I’msorry.
WOMAN:Ifyoucouldoffermejustanhour.It’lltakeabitofeffort,Irealize.ButIwillbeasdelicateas
possible.
(TheOLDMANgetsupwithgreatdifficultyfromhiscorner,withoutshowinganysignoffollowingthe
conversation.TheWOMANtakesabusinesscardandanenvelopeoutofherpurse.Sheoffersthemto
theOLDMAN.Buthewavesheroff.)
Look!
OLDMAN:Whatdoyouwanttoshowme?
WOMAN:ThisismyresearchcardfromtheNationalLibrary.Andinthisletterofintroductionyou’llfind
thateverythingI’vetoldyouistrue.
(TheWOMANhandsittohim,buttheOLDMAN,withagestureofrebuff,stopsherbeforeshecanget
near.)
OLDMAN:I’mnotinterested.
WOMAN:Butyoucanseetheuniversitystamp.
(Atensepause.TheWOMANputsawayherthingsinthepurse.Sheclosesit.ShelooksattheOLD
MAN.)
Callme,please,atthenumberonthecard.YoucanverifyeverythingI’mtellingyou.
OLDMAN:Ihavenoreasontocallorspeakwithanyone.
WOMAN:Mr.Cerrada,I’maskingyoutograntmethisinterview.
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OLDMAN:Don’tpressthematter.
WOMAN:I’mnotleavinghere.Therearemanypeopleforwhomyourstorywouldbeofgreatuse.You
oweittothem.
OLDMAN:Iowewhattowhom?Don’tmakemelaugh.
WOMAN:IbelieveinwhatI’mdoing.Ibelievethatit’snecessary.Thataftersomanyyearsofsilence,
youhavetogivevoicetothoselikeyou,who’velivedunderrepression.Peoplewhothroughthewar
havebeenforcedintoexile,intootherwarsandevenintothehorrorsoftheNazis.Likeyou.
OLDMAN:Thewoundsneverheal.It’sbetternottoreopenwhat’spastandforgotten.
(TheWOMANsmiles.)
WOMAN:We’reinSeptemberof1983.FreedomhascomebacktoSpain.There’saconstitution,
politicalparties.Peoplecanthink,read,andwritewhatevertheywish,theycantalkfreelyinthe
streets,withoutfeelinglikethey’rebeingwatched.It’stimetoremember.Withoutfear.
OLDMAN:I’mnotasyoungasyou.Seventyyears,almostseventyyearsold.Icouldbeyourfather.
FromwhatIhear,thingsaren’tasclearoutthereasyousay.Terroristattacks,policeriots,fascist
groupsleadingassaultsinthestreets.Andacoup.
WOMAN:Intimeallofthatwillpass.They’resimpletremors,tempertantrumsthatmeannothingnow.
Theattemptedmilitarycoupmeantnothing.Thesocialists,justafewmonthslater,wontheelections.
OLDMAN:Areyouasocialist?
WOMAN:No.
OLDMAN:Youcouldn’tbeananarchist?
WOMAN:Anarchismisathingofthepast.
OLDMAN:So,communist.Therearestillsomeofthemleft,toomanyofthem.
(TheWOMANhesitatesbriefly,observingtheOLDMAN’sdisdainfultone.)
WOMAN:No.Idon’tbelongtoanyparty.TheonlycardIcarryistheoneyousawbefore,fromthe
NationalLibrary.
OLDMAN:I’dliketoknowwhatitisyou’rereallyafter.
(TheOLDMANtalkstohimself.)
Toomanyyearshavepassed.Spainhaschanged.Europe,thewholeworld.I’malmostnotofthis
world.EverythingthatI’velivedhasdied.SometimeagoIstoppedaskingmyselfquestions.Theonly
thingIhopeistobeleftalone.
(TheOLDMANandtheYOUNGMANspeak.)
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Therewasnoneedformetorespondtoherletter.Therewasnoneedformetoallowherintomy
house.
YOUNGMAN:Takeadeepbreath.Ifyouwant,Icangetyousomethingtodrink.Youcoulduseit.
OLDMAN:Youcan’tgivemeanythingtomakemefeelwell.Youcan’tgivemeanything.Ishouldn’tbe
talkingtoyounow.Ican’tmakeoutyourface.Whynot?
YOUNGMAN:Irememberhowweusedtotalkaboutcertainthings…Aboutcherries.Doyou
remember?
OLDMAN:Iremembereverything.
YOUNGMAN:Everything?
OLDMAN:Yes.
YOUNGMAN:Idon’tthinkyoucanremembereverything.
OLDMAN:Iremember,it’singrainedinmyhead.Thebarracks,thepathfullofmud.Thehungerand
thefatigue.Thequarry.Thecorpses.Theovens.Theash.Theash.Ican’tmakeoutyourface.This
road.Doyouremembertheroad?
YOUNGMAN:Ican’trememberit.
OLDMAN:Igetupeverydayandseeit.Itmakesmeincrediblyexhausted.Tothinkthatrighthere,so
longago,everythinghappenedthathappened.
YOUNGMAN:Anemptyroad.
OLDMAN:Thousandsofrefugees,fleeing.
YOUNGMAN:Askythat’salwaysblue.
OLDMAN:Cloudedoverbyasquadronofairplanesflyingflushwiththeground.
YOUNGMAN:Theseasplashingtheroad.Thewaves,withtheirpurring.
OLDMAN:Andtheshoutsofthechildren,andthemothersraisingtheirhandsagainsttheskyandthe
sea,andtheoldpeoplefallingsilently.
YOUNGMAN:Anemptyroadfacingthesea.
OLDMAN:Myearswornoutfromtheboomofthemortarshellsstrikingfromthesea,shotfromthe
warships.
YOUNGMAN:Calmyourself.Youmustn’tgetsonervous.Tomorrowisanotherday.
(TheYOUNGMANapproachesfrombehindtheOLDMAN’schair,andkisseshimonthehead.)
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8. FACE
(TheOLDMAN,silentinthedarkness.Thewomanlooksathim.)
OLDMAN:Whatareyoulookingat?
(TheWOMANlowershergaze.TheOLDMAN’sfacehasbeendeformedbydeepandclosedwoundsfor
quitesometime.)
WOMAN:Yourface.It’scompletelydisfigured.Whathappenedtoyou?
OLDMAN:Doesthatinterestyouaswell?
WOMAN:Sorry.Ididn’tmeantoupsetyou.
OLDMAN:Itdoesn’tupsetme.Nordoesithurtme.Therecouldbeworsethings.Atrafficaccident,
abouttwentyyearsago.Acar,onawetroad,andacurve.HowIlostmyfamily,mywifeandmyson.
WOMAN:Thefamilyyouhadatthetimeofthewar?
OLDMAN:HowdoyouknowIhadanyfamilyatthetimeofthewar?
WOMAN:Iassumeditthroughotherpeople’sstatements,fromyourownwords…
OLDMAN:Ihaven’taskedyouforanyexplanations.NordoIlikeyouaskingthemofme.
Iwasmarriedduringthewar,butmywifedidn’tsurvive.WhenIwentbacktolookforher,she’d
alreadydied.Later,Imanagedtoremakemylife.AlongtimeaftergoingbacktoSpain,Imetawoman
andmarried.Igotmarried.IfIhadn’tdoneit,thataccidentwouldn’thavehappenedandshewould
stillbealive.
WOMAN:YougotmarriedafterreturningfromGermany.
OLDMAN:I’vealreadytoldyouthis.Quiteawhileafterreturningfromthewar.Whenasufficient
periodoftimehadpassedtothinkthatIcouldstartover.IthoughtIcouldbehappyatlast.But
happinessseemsinsufficientforme.
WOMAN:Youendedupwithyourfacemarkedforever.
OLDMAN:WhatdoIcareaboutthat?Inthataccident…there,backthen,Ikilledmywifeandson.I
wasdrivingand…Idon’tknowwhathappenedtome.
WOMAN:Pardonme.I’mverysorryforyou.
OLDMAN:Idon’tlikepeoplepityingme.WhichiswhyIavoidpeopleseeingme.Don’tlookatme.
Please.
WOMAN:I’mnot.
OLDMAN:Iwouldgivemyrighthand,myarm,I’dgivemyentirelife,tobeabletogobackandstopthat
accidentfromhappening.
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WOMAN:Accidents.Theyhappenunexpectedly.Youcan’tavoidthem.Ifyoucould,theywouldn’t
happen.
OLDMAN:IfIcould,Iassureyou…IfIcouldgoback.
WOMAN:Iunderstandyou.Ifonecouldonlygoback.There’salwayssomethingforsomeonetoregret,
youknow?Butthingshappenandthere’snowayofgoingback.
OLDMAN:Iwishthatmywifewereherewithme,alive.Thatmysoncouldhavehadthelifethathe
couldn’tenjoy.Hewaseleven.AndIwasdriving,andIthoughtIwasincontrol,but…
WOMAN:Itwasanaccident.Sowhydoyouworrysomuchaboutit?Nothingcanbedonenow.
OLDMAN:Shediscoveredeverything.
WOMAN:Whatareyoutalkingabout?
OLDMAN:Shefounditallout.She’ddiscoveredthatmyentirestorywasafarce.Myname,mypast,
andeveryoneofmywords.Andshefeltthatherownlifewasadeception,contaminatedbymylies.
Thatherownson,ourson,wastheproductofalie.
WOMAN:Weallhidesomething,right?
OLDMAN:Enough.Enough!
WOMAN:What’shappeningtoyou?
OLDMAN:Leavemealone.
(TheWOMANconfrontshim.)
WOMAN:Youagreedinalettertotalktome.
OLDMAN:Ididn’tdoit.Itwasyouwhosaidyouwerecoming,withoutwaitingformyresponseandany
kindofauthorization.InevergaveyouanycausetothinkI’dagreedtoaninterview.
(Afterabriefpauseandahardmomentofindecision,shespeaks.)
WOMAN:Youlivedthroughawar,andapparentlyfoughtfortheRepublic.Forfreedom.
OLDMAN:Wheredidyoureachthatconclusion?
WOMAN:FrombeinginMauthausen…
OLDMAN:IntheCivilWaryoufoughtwhereverluckbroughtyouandtheyputarifleinyourhands,and
they’dtellyou,‘pointthere,that’syourenemy’.
WOMAN:Butintheenditwasyourlucktosufferthefateofthelosers.
OLDMAN:Inawartherearenowinnersandlosers.Everybody’saloser.
WOMAN:That’swhyIbelieveyouhaveanobligationtotalk.You’reobligatedbecauseofallyou
suffered.
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OLDMAN:Ilivedthroughitall,andIsufferedthroughitall.WhichiswhyIfeelnoobligationtodoas
yousay.
WOMAN:Icannotbelievethatthat’syourfinalword.
OLDMAN:I’mgoingtocallsothattheycanpickyouupandbringyoubacktotown.
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9. LONELINESS
WOMAN:Iimaginemymother.Agirlinthemiddleofthewar.Ayoungster,almostalittlegirl,likeso
manyothers.Iimagineaveryyoungwoman,alone,whoseboyfriendhaslefthertogotothefront.I
imagineherinherhome,uselesslycountingthedaysleftuntilherweddingday.Gazingoutthewindow
andlookingoverthehorizon,listeningforfootstepsthataren’tapproaching.Iimagineheropeningher
closetandcaringforherweddingdress.
(Thepast.TheYOUNGMANwiththeWOMAN,whonowplaystheroleofWIFE.)
WIFE:1938.Wariseverywhere.Ineveryregion,ineverycity.Inthetown.Inthecountryside.
Everythingiswar,allSpaniardsfeelthey’reatwaragainstsomething.
YOUNGMAN:Iwasonlythinkingaboutsurvival.Iwasadeserter,fleeingallfronts.Ididn’twantto
belongtoanyside.Thewarhadnothingtodowithme.Ionlywantedtolive.
WIFE:Comehere.You’llbesafe,don’tbeafraid.It’stakenyousolongtocomeback.
YOUNGMAN:DoIknowyou?
WIFE:YouknowIdon’tlikejokingaround.I’myourgirl,yourfiancée.AndtomorrowI’llbeyourwife.
You’vecome.Noonebelievedme.Theylaughedatme,asthoughIweresomepoorlunatic.For
trustingthatyou’dcomebackforourweddingday.Onthedayyoupromisedmeyou’dcomeback.No
oneexpectedyou’dreturnonmyaccount.Noone.ButIdid,I’vewaitedforyou,becauseaboveallI
knewyouweregoingtocomeback.Shh.Bequiet.Noonehastohearthis.Ihaveeverythingready.
Theguests,thechurch,thereception.Eventhedance.Ihaveyouhere,nexttome.
YOUNGMAN:I’mhere,nexttoyou,butIdon’tunderstandwhatyou’retellingme.
WIFE:Comeonin.It’scoldandyou’resoaked.
YOUNGMAN:Therain.
WIFE:Itwon’traintomorrow.Takeoffyourclothesoryou’llcatchcold.Ihavesomethingofmy
brother’sthat’lldoforyou.
YOUNGMAN:Yourbrother?He’shere,withyou?
WIFE:Whatareyousaying?He’satthefront,likealltheyoungmen.Buttomorrowhe’llcomebackfor
thewedding,withalltheotherguests.
OLDMAN:Thewedding.
YOUNGMAN:Thewedding.
WIFE:Ofcourse,thewedding.Theweddingwesetpreciselyfortomorrow,fiveyearsagonow.
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OLDMAN:Thewedding.
WIFE:We’llbemarried.We’llforgetthere’sawargoingon,thatthere’sanotherworld.We’llbe
married.
YOUNGMAN:We’llbemarried,youandI,andIwon’tgoawayfromhereanymore.What’syourname?
WIFE:Silly.Don’tteaseme.
OLDMAN:Ilikehearingyousayyourname.
WIFE:You’reafool.
OLDMAN:Sayitforme.Comeon,sayit,please.
WIFE:Margarita.
OLDMAN:Margarita.
YOUNGMAN:Margarita,we’llbemarried,youandI.
OLDMAN:We’llbemarried,youandI.
WIFE:We’llbemarried,youandI.We’llcelebrateandwe’llkissinfrontofalltheguests.Then,we’ll
dance.Andeveryonewilldancewithus.Butlittlebylittle,they’llbeleaving.AndyouandIwillbeleft
alone.Atnight,underthestars,you’lltakemeinyourarmsandhugme.Andwe’llgoinsidethehouse.
Inthemorning,they’llknockatthedoor,andevenifyourefusetoopenitup,they’llforceitopenand
comelookingforyou.They’llaskaboutyourname.
YOUNGMAN:Whatname?
WIFE:Yourname,thenameyouused,togetmarried,thenamebywhichIcallyou.JuanCerrada.
OLDMAN:JuanCerrada.
YOUNGMAN:That’snotmyname.
WIFE:Thatisyourname.ThatisyournameandI’llcryandshoutitoutwithpainwhentheytakeyou
away.ThatisyournameandI’llrepeatitallmylife.I’llcryforyournamewhentheyearsgobyandyou
haven’tcomeback.
YOUNGMAN:Ifit’sgoingtohappenthatway,itwouldbebestformetoleave.
OLDMAN:No.
WIFE:No.Ifyoudo,theonesoutsidewillseizeyouandtakeyouawaynow.Here,inmyarms,youhave
arefuge.Intheearlymorning,youcantrytorun,atthefirstlightofday.ButIknowyou’llbeentangled
betweenthesheetsandthedaywillcome.Andthatthey’llhavefoundoutaboutourweddingand
they’llcomeforyou.Andthey’llbreakthedoordown,andthey’llfindyouhere,withyourheadrested
againstmybreasts.Andthey’lltakeyouawayandleavemewithabrokenheart.BecauseonedayI
stolefromthewarthemanIlove,andthenextdaythewarwillsnatchhimfrommeforever.
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(Thetownpub.Anhourtooearlyortoolate.Nooneisaround,andperhapstheWaiterwantstoclose
upandleave.)
WAITER:I’veseenyoueverynight,foralmostaweek,eversincethatdayyoushowedupfortheold
man,JuanCerrada.Youorderabeer,Iserveitandafterawhileyouaskforaginandtonic.Iserveitto
youthewayIknowyoulikeit,withalittleiceandtwoslicesoflemon,andthat’sthewayyoupassthe
timebeforeyouheadupstairstoyourroom.You’vebeenherenowfortoolong.Withouttalkingto
anybody.Withoutmixingwithanyoftheregulars.Youcometothebar,youeatyourmealseparate
fromtherest,youdrinkwithouttoastingwithanybody.Areservedwoman.
Doyouneedmetogetyousomethingelse?
WOMAN:Areyoutalkingtome?
WAITER:It’soddtoseeawomanlikeyouinthisplace,inthemiddleofnowhere.Didyoufindwhatyou
wereafter?
WOMAN:Idon’tneedtoexplaintoanyonewhatI’mdoing.
WAITER:I’mnotaskingforanexplanation.I’mjustcuriousaboutyou.Ifyoudon’tfeellikeanswering
me,that’sfine.How’sitgoingwithCerrada?
WOMAN:Cerrada.ThatmanwhosayshisnameisCerrada.Ithoughtheheldthekeytosomethingvery
importanttome.MaybeI’mwrong,maybeI’vegotitallwrong.
WAITER:Nothing’smoreimportantthantakingcareofyourself.Maybeyou’renotshowingenough
concernforyourself.
WOMAN:Isupposeyou’reright.Afriendofminetoldmesomethingsimilar.
WAITER:InjustaminuteI’mgoingtocloseup.
WOMAN:It’sstillearly.
WAITER:Buttherearen’tanycustomers.
WOMAN:I’mhere.
WAITER:Yes.
WOMAN:CanIhaveonelastround?
WAITER:Idon’tthinkthat’sagoodidea.
WOMAN:IstheresomewhereelseIcangetsomethingtodrink?
WAITER:Intownthere’snothing.You’llhavetograbacarandheadtothecity.It’sahalfhourfrom
here.
WOMAN:It’llbetoolatethen.BythetimeIgetthere,Iwon’tfeellikehavinganything.
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WAITER:That’syourproblem.
WOMAN:Itseemslikeyoudon’tcaremuchforme.
WAITER:It’sjustthatIhavetocloseup.
WOMAN:Ineedtotalktosomebody.
WAITER:It’salwaysgoodtotalk.
WOMAN:TodayI’veseen…Somethingthat’shardformetoforget.Aheadwithoutaface.Aheadwith
twoholeswherethenoseandmouthshouldbe.Withoneeyethatlookslikeitwasyankedoutand
tossedontowhatwasleftofthatface.
WAITER:Soundslikeanightmarethewayyouputit.
WOMAN:Itwasveryreal.Andthestrangepartisthatitdidn’tmakemefeelintheleastrepulsed.It
waslikeseeinganyotherface.
WAITER:Thefaceisthemirrorofthesoul.Sotheysay.
WOMAN:Theysayalotofstupidthings.Ifyoulookatmyface,whatcouldyousayaboutmysoul?
WAITER:Wouldyoulikethatlastround?
WOMAN:Thanks.
WAITER:Ihopetheydon’tclosedownmybarbecauseofthis.Whatareyoulookingat?
WOMAN:CanItouchyourface?
WAITER:Ifyouwant,let’sendthisandtakeawalkalongthebeach.
WOMAN:Themorningafterhiswedding,theycamelookingformyfather.Theydidn’taskhimhisreal
name,thefascistssimplygrabbedhimbyhisarmsandtookhimfromhishouse.Hiswifeclungtohim
andwasdraggeddownthepathbehindthem,untiltheyclockedherwiththerifleandlefther
abandonedinthemiddleofnowhere.
Theycrossedtown,pushingandshovingmyfather,bringinghimlikethatrightuptotheriver.That’s
wherethepeopleonhissidewereaccustomedtobringingthosewhotheytookoutontheir‘littlewalks.’
Theonesontheotherside,whenthefrontwouldchange,wouldtypicallyfinishtheirown‘littlewalks’at
themine.Themanshouldhavebeenfinishedoffrightthereattheriver.Thefollowingday,mymother,
hiswidow,searchedupanddowntheriver.Shedidn’tfindanything.Nothingwaseverfound.Noone
foundhisbody.NothingelsewaseverheardofJuanCerrada.
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10. THOSEWHOARELEFT
(TheWOMANwiththeOLDMAN.)
OLDMAN:Hereagain?Yetanotherday?Ididn’tthinkyou’dbeback.Youarestubborn,really
pigheaded.Hasanyoneevertoldyouthat?
WOMAN:Allthetime,Mr.Cerrada.ButIalreadytoldyouthatthereareverygoodreasonsbehindmy
pushingthis.
(Hesitating.Perhapsit’shardforhertospeakagain.Butit’salsohardtokeepsilent.)
I’mtellingyouagain,thisisn’tanythingtrivial.It’snecessary.It’smorethanfair.Forme,it’san
obligation.TorecoverthememoryofthosewhosufferedbecauseoftheCivilWar.
OLDMAN:Torecoverthememory.Don’ttellmewe’regoingtoopenuptombsnow.What’spastis
past.Liveyourlife,andstoprecoveringthememoryofpeopleyoudon’tknow.
WOMAN:It’sthememoryofanentirecountry.That’swhatneedstobedugup.That’swhyIwon’tgo
awayfromheresoeasily.
OLDMAN:Whydoyouwanttoforcemetodowhatyouwant?Tobesilentisalsoaright.
WOMAN:Ineedyoutocollaboratewithme.Thefactsandaccountsofsurvivorslikeyouarereally
valuable,verymuchso.Andeverydaythatgoesby,they’regoingtobehardertoretrieve.That’swhy
I’mfeelingdesperate,sinceitseemslikeI’mrunningintoawallofsilence.Ifpeoplelikeyourselfwould
testify,itmightbecriticalintearingitdown.Ifyouspokeup,maybemanywouldfollowyourexample.
OLDMAN:Attimes,silenceisthebestchoice.Andthat’swhatIchoose.Tobesilent.
WOMAN:Ifyouaresilent,ifeveryoneissilent,ifthissilencegoeson,verysooneverythingthatyouand
otherslikeyouhavelivedthroughwillbelost.Apartofourhistorywillbelost.
OLDMAN:You’retalkingabouthistory,incapitalletters?Abunchofdocumentsthatnobodyreads.
WOMAN:Buteverythingyou’vesuffered,everythingthat’sbeenforgotten,allthedisregardofthe
defeated…
OLDMAN:Afteracivilwarthereareonlylosers,andwhichsideyou’vebeenonhardlymattersany
more.Haven’tIsaidthistoyoualready?Becausewhat’sforgottenisbestforgotten.Andyou,dothey
payyouwelltodowhatyoudo?
WOMAN:Idon’thaveanycontract,Idrawnosalaryofanykind.Atall.
OLDMAN:Sowhydoyoupersistsoinallthis?
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WOMAN:It’saresearchproject.Withnootherbenefit.IfonedayImanagetofinishit,maybeit’ll
interestsomeeditor,andI’llpublishitallasabook.ButI’mnothopingtoearnanymoney,letaloneget
famousfromit.
OLDMAN:Whatareyouplanningtocallthebook?
WOMAN:ThoseWhoAreLeft.
OLDMAN:ThoseWhoAreLeft.Abitmacabre.ThoseWhoAreLeft.
Idon’tbelieveawordaboutyourbookstory.What’sreallypushingyou?Tellmethetruth.Ifyouwant
metoansweryourquestions,you’regoingtohavetoanswerminefirst.
WOMAN:I’vealreadytoldyou.Ibelievethat…
OLDMAN:Ibelieve,Ibelieve.You’renotgoingtotellmeit’sallaquestionofbelievingornot.
WOMAN:IfIdidn’tbelieveallofthis,Iwouldn’tbehere.
OLDMAN:Wetendtobelieveinalotofthings.Butfewofthemcompelustodocrazythingslikewhat
you’vedone.
WOMAN:PerhapsallI’mdoingisforthesakeofoneperson.
OLDMAN:Who?
WOMAN:Maybe…you.
OLDMAN:Me?
WOMAN:It’sawayforyoutorecoverfromlifeasmuchaslife’sstolenawayfromyou.
OLDMAN:Me?
WOMAN:Youandallthosewholostthewar…
OLDMAN:OK,I’veheardenough.Whenevereverything’sconveyedinprettyphrases,Icanalwaysbe
certainthere’ssomethingelseconcealedbeneaththem.Somethingmoreconcrete.Moredirect.What
isityou’reafterhere?Whatisityoureallywantfromme?Answerme.
(AmomentofvacillationfortheWOMAN,whodoesn’tdaretolookattheOLDMAN.
WOMAN:Myfather.
OLDMAN:Whathappenedtoyourfather?
WOMAN:MyfatherdisappearedinthemiddleoftheCivilWar.
OLDMAN:That’swhatyou’rereallyafter,findingyourfather?
WOMAN:Idon’tthinkmyfather’sgoingtoappear,ever.Allsignsarethathedied.Butevenso,alittle
doubtremains.Ihavetoexploreittotheend.Ineedtobecompletelysurethatthat’swhathappened
tohim.
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(TheOLDMANlooksather.TheWOMANdoesn’tsayanything.Silenceweighsonthem.)
OLDMAN:Youshouldn’thavecome.
(Amomentoftensesilence,whichtheOLDMANbreaksbyclearinghisthroat.)
WOMAN:Please.I’mbeggingyou.
OLDMAN:No.
(TheOLDMANshowsnosignofplanningtocontinuetheconversation.TheWOMANkeepsstaringat
him.)
(TheYOUNGMANintervenesbetweenthetwo.)
YOUNGMAN:Hey,you.Areyoustillalive?Comeon,tellmethatI’maliveandit’sworthgoingonwith
this.
OLDMAN:Wherearewe?
YOUNGMAN:Youmakemelaugh.Where?Youtellme.We’restillhere,facinganemptyroad.What’s
happeningtoyounow?
OLDMAN:Idon’tlikethemlookingatmeasthoughtheywerejudgingme.
YOUNGMAN:Iwasn’tlookingatyou.
OLDMAN:Ididn’tmeanyou.It’sher.
YOUNGMAN:Her?Youmustbedelirious.
OLDMAN:Ifeel…hatredforthatwoman.She’spacingaroundlikeatigeronthevergeofclawingits
prey.I’vehadit.MaybeIoughttorestalittle.MaybeIoughttosleep.
(TheOLDMANsleeps.)
YOUNGMAN:1939.Amanfleesfromhispastandhisfuture.Fromthewarthat’sfloodedhiscountry.
Fromthecityundersiegewheresavinghisskinhasmeantlosingeverything.Fromthewomanwho
openeduphislifewithoutknowingit.Hedoesn’twishtorememberanything,andherenounceshis
nameandhisface.Butfleeingfromhimselfleaveshimprisonerofanotherman’snameandanother
man’sfate.1943.AtraincrossesEuropewithaloadofdeportedSpaniards.Theirdestinationis
Mauthausen.
(Mauthausen.TheOLDMANsleepsandinhisdreamshecriesout.TheYOUNGMANapproacheshim.)
YOUNGMAN:Hey,wakeup.AreweinGermany?Mauthausen?
OLDMAN:What’shappening?Isitthehead-countalready?
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YOUNGMAN:Thehead-count?It’sgottobetwoo’clockinthemorning.AreweinMauthausen?Is
thattrue?
OLDMAN:Two.Andatfivewehavetoalreadybestanding.Spanish,right?
YOUNGMAN:Yes.Wearrivedyesterday.
OLDMAN:We’reinMauthausen.We’reinGermany.
YOUNGMAN:Youcryoutlikeacondemnedmanandyoudon’tletanyonesleep.
OLDMAN:Doyouhaveanythingtoeat?
YOUNGMAN:Takethis.Idon’twantit.
OLDMAN:Youdon’twantit?You’recrazy.Whatareyouplanningtoliveon?
YOUNGMAN:Notonthat.
OLDMAN:Afteryou’vebeenhereafewmoredays,you’lleatwhateverthereis.
YOUNGMAN:Itsmellslikeshithere.
OLDMAN:It’snotonlyshit.Everynighthalfadozendie.
YOUNGMAN:Dead?Murdered?Dotheycomeinthebarrackhutsatnight?
OLDMAN:Theguardscomeinwhenevertheyfuckingfeellikeit.Butthosewhodie,theydiefrom
beingworndown,fromexhaustion,fromstarvation.Fromfearofliving.Fromanything,everything,
andnothing.ThisisMauthausen.
YOUNGMAN:They’vestuckusforaweekonafreighttrain.Likeanimals,andlikeanimalsthey’vehad
uscloseduptheentiretrip,withoutopeningthedoorsupforanybody.Youcouldn’tevenmoveor
breathe.Peopledideverythingstandingup.Butthatwastheleastofit.Ifyoufelldown,youdidn’tget
up.Theweakest,thosewho’dfall,woulddiecrushedbytheothers.Andtheretheystayed,underneath
us,rottingwhiletherestofthelivingsteppedontopofthem.
OLDMAN:Whatyou’retellingwe’veallbeenthroughit.Butthat’snothing,justthebeginning.
YOUNGMAN:You’renotSpanish.
OLDMAN:No.I’mGerman.
YOUNGMAN:YouspeakSpanishprettywell.Justnowyouweredreamingandgoingbackandforth
withoutanyproblembetweenGermanandSpanish.
OLDMAN:IknowSpain.Ilikeyourcountry.
YOUNGMAN:I’mfromMálaga.YouknowMálaga,don’tyou?Youweretalkingaboutitinyour
dreams.That’swhatmademenoticeyou.What’saGermandoinginMálaga?What’saGermandoing
here?
OLDMAN:Thesameaseverybody.
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YOUNGMAN:You’renotaJew.
OLDMAN:No.NotaGypsy,orahomosexual.OraHungarian,oranything.
YOUNGMAN:Communist.
OLDMAN:Armydeserter.AreyouaCommunist?
YOUNGMAN:No,I’mnot.
OLDMAN:I’mnoteither.I’mjustaprisoner,likeanyother.Askanyoftheseguysaboutme.You’llfind
Idon’tgetanyspecialtreatmentoranything.TheNazisandIdon’tgetalong.Idon’tknowhowI’mstill
alive.Butevenifyoudon’ttrustme,takeyourbread.You’llneeditinordertomakeittothequarry
tomorrow.
YOUNGMAN:Thequarry?
OLDMAN:Youwantsomeadvice?Whenyou’rethere,don’tstop,butdon’twearyourselfouteither.
Alwaysletthemseeyouactive,butdon’tworkyourselfintotheground.Ifnot,inafewweeksyou’rea
deadman.
YOUNGMAN:Listen,isthereanywaytogetoutofhere?
OLDMAN:Doyouseethosechimneys?
YOUNGMAN:They’vealreadytoldmeaboutthechimneys.
OLDMAN:Well,we’reallgoingtogetoutthroughthem.
YOUNGMAN:Everyone,youandI,too.Ornotyou?
OLDMAN:Ifmycryingoutbothersyou,don’tworry.You’llgetusedtoit.Beforelong,you’llbecrying
outinyourdreams,too.It’stwointhemorning.Gotosleep.
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11. HELL’SDOOR
(TheWOMANcornerstheOLDMAN.)
OLDMAN:Mybody’snolongerthesameasthatyoungman’swholivedthroughthewar.Thatyoung
manwhostayedinthepast,that’sthepersonyou’reinterestedin,notme.
(TheWOMANremovesfromherpurseasmallpocketrecorder,whichsheconnects.)
WOMAN:It’satoolofthetrade.Alittletaperecorder.Don’tworry.Nothingthatwediscusswillbe
usedwithoutyourpermission.Name.
OLDMAN:What?
WOMAN:AnswerwhateverIaskyou,nomatterhowobviousitmayseem.Let’sbeginwithapieceof
personaldata.Yourname,please.
OLDMAN:JuanCerradaMartín.
WOMAN:Age.
OLDMAN:Iwasbornin1915.ThethirteenthofSeptember,soprettysoon,I’llturn68yearsold.
(TheWOMANrewinds,pushingtheplaybackkey.Thesoundoftherewinderisheard.And,inametallic
andunpleasantway,wecanhearthevoiceoftheOLDMAN.)
JuanCerradaMartín…September,soprettysoon…
(Returningtothepointwhereshestopped,theWOMANbeginstorecordagain.)
WOMAN:TellmeabouttheendoftheCivilWar.Whathappenedthen?
OLDMAN:Areyoubackrecording?
(TheWOMANgesturesaffirmatively.)
Well…Franco’stroopswereadvancing…Theywerepushingusback…AndmanyofusleftforFrance.
Whenwecrossedtheborder,wedidn’tthinkaboutgoingback.Everythinghadended,atleastforus.
Wethoughtitcouldn’tgetanyworse.Thatwewereinafreecountryandoutofthewar.Butthe
Frenchdidn’tplayclean.Theypiledusupintointernmentcamps,andtheyputinasourguards
Senegalesesoldiers,whodidn’tunderstandanySpanish,andnobodydidathingtounderstandus.And
ifwethoughttheytreateduslikedogs?Well.Theworstwasyettocome.
WOMAN:Mauthausen.
OLDMAN:Mauthausen.I’malwaysgoingbacktoMauthausen.Mauthausen.Therewasnomercy
there.
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Backthennoonegotany.NottheStalinists,nottheTrotskyists,nottheAnarchists,nottheFascists,to
saynothingofthebourgeoisie,whomanytimestookadvantageofthesituationfortheirowngood.But
theNazisdidsomethingworsethantherest.Theyturnedthelackofmercyintoareligion.
WOMAN:YousurviveMauthausen.Howdoyoumanageit?DidyoumeetmanySpaniardsthere?Tell
meaboutit.
OLDMAN:I’vehadfortyyearsofthisandIstillfeelasthoughI’mwithinthewallsandwirefencesof…
thatplace.Theymadeusworkinaquarry,ahellhole.
YOUNGMAN:…aquarry,ahellhole.
OLDMAN:Rocksofupto130pounds,wehadtoliftthemupa160foothighwall,gettingbeatenby
officialsandkapos.FromtheheightoftheclifftheSSwouldtossdownintotheholeanybodywho
couldn’tgoon.Parachutes,that’swhattheycalledthem.Ifthepoordevildidn’tdieatfirst,they
repeatedtheoperation.
YOUNGMAN:…gettingbeatenbytheofficialsandbosses.
OLDMAN:Whenyousleepinabarrackhut,asI’vedone,infrontofthecrematorium,andallnightlong
youseeflamesburninginthechimney,hopeceasestohaveanymeaning.
YOUNGMAN:…allnightlong…
WOMAN:From1943…
OLDMAN:Through1945…
WOMAN:WhentheAmericansliberatethecamp.YoureturnthentoatotalitarianSpainthathadn’tyet
comeoutofaclimateofconfrontation.AndinSpainyoumanagetoavoidjailtime.
OLDMAN:Itwasn’tsoeasy.Iwasdetainedandinterrogated.Mycasewentthroughakangaroocourt,
wherethesentencewasdecidedinadvance.Iwasgoingtobesenttoprison,butImanagedtoescape.
Fromthen,Ibecameafugitive.
WOMAN:Evenso,duringtheworsttimeofFrancoistSpain,afterbeingconvictedandputonawanted
list,yousurvivewithyourname.Asthougheveryonehadforgottenaboutyou.
OLDMAN:Ifwhatyou’reaskingishowitwasIdidn’tgotojail,Irecognizeit,Ineverdid.Igotlucky.I
gotaccustomedtobeingontherunandnotstayinginthesameplacemorethanafewmonths.But
theycouldhavearrestedmeatanypoint.
WOMAN:Atthattimeanyinvestigationwouldguaranteeajailsentence.Twentyeightthousanddeath
sentenceswererecordedinthetenyearsfollowingtheendofthewar.Someelevatethatfiguretoup
to200,000.
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OLDMAN:Winners,losers.You’vepreparedyourselfverywellwiththosefigures.Butyouseemto
refusetounderstandanything.
WOMAN:WhathappenedtothefamilyyouleftbehindinSpain?
(Silence.)
DidyoumeetupwiththemagainwhenyouwentbacktoSpain?
OLDMAN:No.MywifediedbeforeIreturnedtoSpain.
WOMAN:Youdidn’thaveanychildren?
OLDMAN:No.
WOMAN:Howandwhendidyoulearnofherdeath?Itmusthavebeenagreatblow,Iwouldthink.
OLDMAN:DoIhavetotalkaboutthis,too?
WOMAN:Justanswerme,please.
OLDMAN:ItwasinFrance,beforeIwasarrestedbytheVichypolice.Igotthenewsofherdeathin
Spain.
WOMAN:Didyouattempttoverifyitlater,whenyouwentback?
(Silence.TheOLDMANappearsuncomfortable.)
OLDMAN:Assoonasitwaspossibleforme.
Whatthewarcouldn’tdotomethehungerandsicknessmanaged.Andthepain.Afterourwedding
theycametolookformetotakeme‘outforalittlewalk.’Imanagedtoescape,butshewasleftalone,
andthepressureshehadtohavetoleratedwashorrible.
(TheOLDMANisquietforamoment.)
WOMAN:Tellmethatstory.Theywereonthevergeofkillingyouhalfwaythroughthewar.
OLDMAN:Thingswerethatwayinthosetimes.Theredmilitiaswouldcomealong,andthey’dhave
theirpurges.Then,thefrontwouldchange,andthefascistsquadswouldcomealong,andtheypurged
whateverremained.
What’sthematterwithyou?
(TheOLDMANhasrealizedthattheWOMANisworkedup,juststiflinganervousattack.)
What’sthematterwithyou?
WOMAN:It’snothing.Justalittledizziness.
(Thelightisturnedoff.)
OLDMAN:Wecanleavethisforanothertime.Ithinkit’sforthebest.
(InMauthausen,thetwomen.)
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Hey,Spaniard.What’shappeningtoyounow?Areyousick?Wecan’tletthathappen.Getup.Itmay
beplaytimeforyou,butyou’reputtingallofusindanger.
YOUNGMAN:It’sjustalittledizziness.
OLDMAN:Thatmeansyou’rehungry.Look,keepthishere,foremergencieslikethisone.Onceyou
gavemeapieceofbread.Takeitnow,andeat.We’reeven.Eatevenifyoufeellikeyou’regoingto
pukeitallup.Ifyoustarttoweakennow,you’readeadmanandtheotherswillpayforit.You’vegot
togetupnow.Ifyoustaylikethis,we’reallscrewed.IneverseeyoutalkingtotheotherSpaniards.
YOUNGMAN:Leavemealone.I’mtired.
OLDMAN:Ifyouwanttodie,waituntilwegetouttothequarry.Outthereyoucan’tbringusany
trouble.Don’tyouknowwhereyou’veendedup?
YOUNGMAN:Inacamp,obviously.I’vealreadybeeninothers.InthesouthofFrance,andthenin
Alsace.
OLDMAN:Lookaliveanddon’tgotosleep.They’regoingtogettothehead-countnow.Thisisn’ta
campliketheothersyouknow.
YOUNGMAN:Gofuckyourselfandleavemealone!
OLDMAN:You’regoingtogetupnowandheadstraighttothehead-count.
YOUNGMAN:AndifIdon’t,areyougoingtokillmeorwhat?
OLDMAN:I’mnotgoingtokillyou.HansandFranzarejustdyingtopoundtheshitoutofaSpaniard
likeyou,though.Let’sgo.Wakethefuckup.
YOUNGMAN:Isn’tthereanywaytogetoutofhere?
OLDMAN:Besidesthroughthechimneys?
YOUNGMAN:Idon’tseethehumoroftalkingnowaboutthechimneys.Therehastobesomewayto
getoutofhere.
OLDMAN:Endure.Don’tdie.Beluckyandhopethattheykeeplosingthewar.ThattheAlliesshowup
andliberateusbeforethen.That’swhatwecando.Wait,endure,survive.
YOUNGMAN:Waitforamiracle.
OLDMAN:Amiracle,yes.Theysaythefrontisgettingcloser.Nowit’sbestnottothinkaboutescaping,
andjustendure.
YOUNGMAN:Youcan’ttellmenoonehastriedtoescape.
OLDMAN:Ofcoursemanyhavetried.Haven’tItoldyouaboutGellert,thebig-nosedHungarian?A
goodguy.Theytried,heandafewotherguys.Theyofferedmethechancetogowiththem.Ihelped
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them,Iwishedthemgoodluck…butIstayedbehind.Theycapturedthemwhenthey’djustclimbed
overthefirstwalls.
YOUNGMAN:And?
OLDMAN:Theystrungthemupinthemiddleofthecamp.Wewouldpassunderneaththem,everyday.
Theywerehangedthereuntiltheirbodiesrottedandthendriedup.We’dpassunderneaththem,and
wormswouldfallonourfaces.Oneguystartedtowhistleatune.Littlebylittle,wewereallwhistlingit
whentheymadeuspassunderneaththem.Listen.
(TheOldManwhistles.)
YOUNGMAN:Honestly,youdon’tintendtogetoutofthishell?Ibelieveyouknowhowtoescape.
OLDMAN:Whyareyousosure?
YOUNGMAN:Becauseifyou’retalkingtomenow,it’sbecauseyouwantsomethingfromme.Andthe
onlythingyoucangetoutofsomeonelikemeisformetohelpyourunaway.
OLDMAN:I’veseenthemshootsomeonedownjustforhidingaspooninhisclothes.Nobodygetsout
ofhere.Onlythroughthere.Nightandmist.Smoke,ash.Nothing.
YOUNGMAN:There’snotrapyetinventedthatcanholdme.AndIthinkyoufeelthesame.
(TheYOUNGMANwhistlesthesong.)
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12. MASKS
(Silence.TheWOMANcomposesherself.)
WOMAN:Yourwife,yourfirstwife,hernamewasMargaritaLebrón.
OLDMAN:Yes.That’sright.
WOMAN:MargaritaLebrón.MarriedtoJuanCerradaonFebruary2,1938.
OLDMAN:That’sright.
WOMAN:Onthemorningfollowingthewedding,asquadroncarriedoffJuanCerrada,andMargarita
Lebrónwasleftalone.Butshedidn’tdie,notinthewarandnotlateroninthepostwar.
OLDMAN:Whatisityou’resaying?
WOMAN:MargaritaLebróndiedonlythreeyearsago.Allthistimeshewasalive.DidyouknowJuan
Cerradahadadaughter?
OLDMAN:Adaughter?
WOMAN:No,ofcourseyoudon’tknowanything.Despiteyoursayingyousearchedalloverforher.
OLDMAN:You’retalkingaboutmywife.Don’tyourealize?Aboutmywife.Whatareyoudrivingat?
Don’ttoywithme.
(TheWOMANturnstowheretheOLDMANishidden.Shecornershim.)
WOMAN:AnyoneyoucouldhaveinquiredwithinBarreradeSolíswouldhavebeenabletotellyou
whathappenedtoher.Youdidn’tmakeanyefforttofindher.
OLDMAN:Whatisthis?Atrap?Whatdoyouwantfromme?
WOMAN:JuanCerrada.
OLDMAN:Yes.
WOMAN:It’sanamethatsoundsnice.Really,isthatyourname?
OLDMAN:JuanCerradaMartín.Thatismyname,andyouknowit.
WOMAN:I’dlikeforyoutosayittome.YoutellmethatyoureallyareJuanCerrada.
OLDMAN:But…
WOMAN:You’renotJuanCerrada.Youdidn’tmarryMargaritaLebrón.Idon’tbelieveyouevercameto
fightintheCivilWaronanyside.
(InMauthausen.)
YOUNGMAN:German.
OLDMAN:What,Spaniard?
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YOUNGMAN:TodaytheytookFrançoisawaytothequarry.Theyrippedhimtopieces.
OLDMAN:Youcan’tdoanythingforhimanymore.Tomorrowtheycouldcomeforyouorme.For
whomthebelltolls,ittolls,period.Solongasitdoesn’taffectyou,you’vegottogoon,alwaysgoon.
Whereveryoucan.That’sit.
YOUNGMAN:Thisisallfucked.We’renotgettingoutofherealive.
OLDMAN:Thinkingaboutwhatyouleftbehindthereontheoutside,aren’tyou?Don’tdoit.Don’t
thinkaboutcherriesoranythingofthatsort.
YOUNGMAN:Youtellmehowwe’regoingtoescapefromhere.Iwon’tstandanothersecondmorein
thispit.
OLDMAN:Don’tthinkaboutescapingfromhere.
YOUNGMAN:Ican’tavoidit.Ineedtothinkthatwe’regoingtogetoutofhere.
OLDMAN:It’sbesttoforgetthatthere’ssomethingouttherebeyondthesewalls.
YOUNGMAN:Ican’t.
OLDMAN:Thatwoman.She’stheoneyoutalktomeabouteverynight.Theoneyouatecherrieswith.
What’shername?
YOUNGMAN:Margarita.
OLDMAN:Gretchen.
YOUNGMAN:Margarita.Don’tgetitallconfusedwithyourlanguage.
OLDMAN:Margarita.Tellmewhatshe’slike.
YOUNGMAN:Veryyoung.Backthenshemustnothavebeenmuchmorethan18.Butinwartimegirls
seemmucholder.
OLDMAN:Buttellmethegoodstuff.Didshehaveanicerack?
YOUNGMAN:Hey,Kraut.You’retalkingaboutmywife.Mywife.
OLDMAN:Youmarriedher?Younevertoldmethat.
YOUNGMAN:Yes,Imarriedher.Withapriestandguests.Thewholebigproduction.Duringthewar.
WhenwhatIneededtothinkaboutwasescapingandhidingout,Imeetastrangerandmarryher.
OLDMAN:Aweddingonthelargeside,duringthewar.HowyouSpanishare.Youmusthavehaditall
wellprepared.
YOUNGMAN:No.ItellyouIdidn’tknowthegirl.IgottoBarrera,hertown,lookingforawayout.She
musthavemixedmeupwithsomeoneelse.Ormaybeshewassimplydesperate…And…Igotmarried
toherthenextday.Itwasshewhohaditallpreparedinadvance,asthoughsheknewIwasgoingto
gettherethatday.Asthoughshe’dbeenwaitingforme.
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OLDMAN:Shehaditallpreparedandshewasonlymissingthegroom.Yougotthereandeverything
wasarranged.Nowshehadhergroom,nowshehadherwedding.
YOUNGMAN:Shewaswaitingforme,that’sright.
OLDMAN:Butyoudidn’tknowherbeforehand.
YOUNGMAN:No.I’dneverbeentothattownbefore.
OLDMAN:So,ifit’sreallylikeyousay,youonlysharedafewdayswithher.
YOUNGMAN:Threedays…Thedayaftertheweddingtheycameforme.Idon’tknowhowtheyfound
me.
OLDMAN:Yougotmarriedwithoutknowingherandonlyspentonenightwithher?
YOUNGMAN:Imetheroneday,gotmarriedtoherthenext,andgotarrestedthedayafterthat,and
hereIam.AndnowIwanttogetoutofhereandgoback.
OLDMAN:Andshe’sstillthere?
YOUNGMAN:She’sstillthere.
OLDMAN:Andyouwanttoescapeinordertogetbacktoher.Oristheresomethingelse?Ihope
you’renothidingsomethingunpleasantfromme.Ifyoukeepsecretsfromme,it’sgoingtobehardfor
ustoplanourescape.Youunderstand?
YOUNGMAN:Tellmeyourplan.
OLDMAN:Ihaven’ttoldyouIwasgoingtoescape.Andleastofallwithyou.Listen,isyournamereally
JuanCerrada?
(TheWOMANcornerstheOLDMAN.)
WOMAN:You’renotJuanCerrada.You’reanimposter.
(Mauthausen.)
OLDMAN:Whyareyouconcealingyournamefromme?Istheresomethingunpleasantinyourpast,
thatevenawarorahelllikethiscan’tmanagetoerase?WhoisthatJuanCerradareally?
YOUNGMAN:IamwhoIam.Myself.
OLDMAN:Yououghttobecarefulwithyouryelling.
YOUNGMAN:Yelling?
OLDMAN:Atnight,youhowllikealunatic,andattimesyouscreamthatyou’renotJuanCerrada.That
youhaven’tfoughtinthewaronanyside.Thatyou’renotliketheothershere.Thattheyoughttoset
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youloose,thatit’sallbeenaterriblemisunderstanding.BecarefulwiththeNazis.Theywon’tputup
witharegistryerror.Andtheyhaveahardandfastwayofeliminatingerrorslikethese.
YOUNGMAN:They’vetoldmeaboutyou.AboutwhenyouwereinSpain.Aboutwhatyouweredoing
there.
OLDMAN:Whatisitthey’vetoldyou?
YOUNGMAN:ThatindeedyouknowMálagawell.Thatyoukickedupabigfussthereamongstthe
Queipogroup,theItalians,andyourowncrew,theNazis.Abigjointaction.Andnow,letmesleep.
OLDMAN:Getup,yousonofabitch.I’mnoNazi.Youhearme,Spaniard?Forrefusingtoobeymy
superiorofficers,IlandedinMauthausen.WithJews,Poles,withotherGermans.AndSpaniardslike
you.Herewe’reallundertheruthlessknifeoftheSS.
(TheWOMANclosesinontheOLDMAN.)
WOMAN:You’renotJuanCerrada.You’reanimposter.
OLDMAN:I’mgoingtocallthepolice.
WOMAN:It’snotinyourinteresttocallanyone,andyouknowitwell.IspokewithMargaritaLebrón.
Shetoldmeherhusbandhaddiedinthewar,shortlyaftermarrying.Asquadronoffascistsassaulted
herhousetotakehimfor‘alittlewalk.’
OLDMAN:Turnthatoff,please.
WOMAN:Ican’tfigureoutwhatitwasyoureallydidinthepast.Ican’tfigureoutwhoyoureallyare.
ButIdoknowI’msureyou’relyingandthatyourlifehasalwaysbeenafarce.
OLDMAN:Turnoffthatdevice.
WOMAN:Youlieandyouhideout.YoulieandlivealiethatI’mnotgoingtotolerateanymore.Juan
CerradadiedinMauthausen,inGusen.
(InMauthausen.Bachisplaying:TheMagnificat.)
YOUNGMAN:What’sthatmusic?
OLDMAN:Badnews.
YOUNGMAN:Opera?Idon’tknowhowanyonecanlikethismusic…AlthoughI’msureyoulikeit.
OLDMAN:Itisn’topera.It’sBach.TheMagnificat.That’showtheirarmiescelebrateavictory.When
youhearBach,it’sbecauseit’sgoingwellforthem.Andtheylayitonthickforussothatwefindout.
We’renotmenanylonger.They’veturnedusintothings.AndtheyuseBachtomockus.
YOUNGMAN:So,eachtimethatthisplays,we’vegotitworse.
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OLDMAN:Bachisplaying.Don’tyougetit?Bachplaysandtheovensworkovertime.Itrainsash
aroundtheclockandtheBachchoralesareraisedoverourbones.Theashgetsstuckinyoureyesand
theyprofaneBachinsideyourhead.
YOUNGMAN:Butthefront’sgettingcloser,that’safact.AndtheAlliesaren’tpullingback.
OLDMAN:Itmaybethey’resurroundingus.Thefrontadvancesbyanotherdirection,andwe’releft
heretrapped,intherearguard.AndthetrainsarrivefullofmoreandmoreHungarianJews,andthe
ovensworkovertime.They’vegottocompletealltheirworkbeforetheAlliesarrive,andBachkeeps
playing.
YOUNGMAN:Let’sescape.
(Ontheroad.)
OLDMAN:Whoareyoutocomeinthisfashiontomyhome?Idon’tknowyouatallandIdon’tknow
whyyou’veshownupheretointimidateme,Idon’tevenknowwithwhatpurpose.Ifyouhave
somethingtoaccusemeof,denounceme.Whoorwhat’sbehindallofthis?
WOMAN:I’mtheoneaskingthequestions.
OLDMAN:You’rethreateningme.
WOMAN:Doyoustillrefusetorecognizethetruth?
OLDMAN:HowamIgoingtoadmitsuchanabsurdstory?IknowverywellwhoIam.It’snotgoingto
beworthanythingforyoutothreatenmewiththattaperecorder.
(TheWOMANturnsofftherecorderandmovestowardwheretheOLDMANisseated.TheOLDMAN
getsup,quickly,turninghisbacktoher.)
WOMAN:Ihavegoodreasonsfornotleavingyoualone.
OLDMAN:Whatdoyouwant?Money?ToturnmeovertosomeZionistgroup?Isthatit?
(TheWOMANpaysnoattention.Sheturnsofftherecorder.Andsheresponds,calmly.)
WOMAN:JuanCerradawasmyfather.Youstolehisnamefromhim.
OLDMAN:Yourfather.
WOMAN:You’restealingmyfatherfromme.TheonlythingthatIprobablyhadleftofhim.Therightto
mournhim.
OLDMAN:That’sabsurd.
(TheWOMANrushestowardtheOLDMAN.)
WOMAN:Howcanyoubesuchahypocrite?
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(TheWOMANcan’tcontrolherself,andshethrowsherhandsontheOLDMAN.He,withgreatdifficulty,
holdsthemback.)
OLDMAN:You’rehurtingme,agreatdeal.
WOMAN:Youthinkyoucangoonlying?
OLDMAN:Idon’tknowyouatall.Youmustbemistaken.Everything’samisunderstanding.
WOMAN:I’mnotmistaken.Ican’tbemistaken.
(TheWOMANstops,theOLDMANseeksshelter,coveringhisfacebehindhisarms.TheOLDMANlooks
ather.TheWOMANturnsherbackonhim.)
Whenthewarended,backinhertown,theyalmostkilledmymother.Theydidn’tdoit,buttheymade
suretoruinherlife.Theycroppedherhair,theystrippedhernakedintherain,theybeather.Themen
wouldinsultherandspitather,whilethewomenandchildrenthrewmudandmanureather.Women
whopreviouslywereherfriends,andwho’devenbeenherbridesmaids.Theyhumiliatedherand
mockedher.Allofthem.Afterthat,sheclosedherselfupinherhome,butitwasimpossibletogoon
likethat.Shefoundshehadtogetawayforever,tothecapital.Ifyoureallyhadaskedanyoneabout
MargaritaLebróninBarrera,anybodycouldhavetoldyouthisstoryandwheretofindher.
OLDMAN:It’sahardstory.Sad.ButIfinditrepugnantthatyoucomeheretothrowitinmyface.
Whereareyouplanningtogowithyourmanipulation?
WOMAN:DidyoupersonallyknowJuanCerrada,myfather?
(TheOLDMANdoesn’tanswer.)
Answer.
OLDMAN:Idon’tknowwhoyourfatheris.IamJuanCerrada,andI’veknownnothingaboutyouuntil
today.
WOMAN:Whatdoyousayisyourname?
OLDMAN:JuanCerrada.
WOMAN:Don’ttrytodeceivemeanyfurther.Youarenotwhoyousayyouare.Whyhaveyoubeen
passingasmyfather?
(TheOLDMANsways.)
OLDMAN:IamJuanCerrada.IamJuanCerrada.I…IamJuanCerrada.Thecherries.Wewouldtalk
aboutthecherries.Abouttheirflavor,sweetandsouratthesametime.There,inMauthausen,where
everythingwasgrayandyellow,wewouldtalkaboutthecherries,abouttheirredcolor;inthemiddleof
ourdesperation,wewouldimaginetheirflavor.
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(InMauthausen.)
OLDMAN:Cherries?
YOUNGMAN:Sweetandsouratthesametime.Redcherries.Fillingallthevalleywiththeircolor.I
lookandcannolongerseethebigbarracks;Iimaginethatthecherrytreesaregrowingandthatthey’re
fillingupwiththeredoftheirfruit.
OLDMAN:Idon’tknowwhatcherriestastelike.
YOUNGMAN:Aren’ttherecherriesinyourtown?
OLDMAN:Ofcoursetherearecherries.
YOUNGMAN:Don’tyouknowhowtoeatthemthen?
OLDMAN:Cherrieshaveneverappealedtome.
YOUNGMAN:Yourloss.
OLDMAN:Please,stoptalkingaboutfood.You’regoingtogivemeanulcerthat’sgoingtocrossover
intomybones.
YOUNGMAN:Didn’tyousayyoudidn’tlikecherries?
OLDMAN:Inmylandit’stheapricotsthatareeverywhere.Juicy,sweet,thick.
YOUNGMAN:Areyoutalkingaboutfruitorsomethingelse?
OLDMAN:I’mtalkingaboutthingstoeat,Spaniard.
YOUNGMAN:Whenyou’reoutsidethere,allyouhavetodoisreachoutyourhandtograbthecherries.
OLDMAN:Don’tkeeppushingthepoint.Don’ttalktomeaboutfood.Keepyourcherries.No.Goon.
Keeptalkingtomeaboutcherries.Justaboutcherries.
YOUNGMAN:I’lltalktoyouaboutcherriesandthelipsofawomaneatingcherries.I’lltalktoyouof
lipsthathavelosttheircolorbutwithcherrieshaverecoveredtheirvitality.I’lltalktoyouabout…
OLDMAN:Shutup.
(Facingthesea.)
OLDMAN:I’mchoking.
(TheWOMANhelpshim.)
WOMAN:Breathe.
(TheWOMANgiveshimwater.)
WOMAN:Takeadeepbreath.
(TheOLDMANloosenshiscollar.)
OLDMAN:Leaveme.Letmediehereandnow.
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WOMAN:No,I’mnotgoingtoletyou.Youhavesomethingofmine.Thatbelongstome,that’sbeen
hiddenfrommeforever.I’mnotgoingtoleavewithoutfindingoutthetruth.
OLDMAN:Tellmeyourname.Yourwholename.
(Shetakesouthercardagainandplacesitinfrontofhim.)
WOMAN:AnaCerradaLebrón.
(Hepicksupthecard.Hereadsit.)
OLDMAN:AnaCerradaLebrón.DaughterofJuanandMargarita.
(Shesnatchesthecardfromhim.)
Thisisasickjoke.
WOMAN:WhywouldIlietoyou?
OLDMAN:Itcan’tbetrue.
WOMAN:WhatreasondoyouhavetokeepdenyingI’mthedaughterofJuanCerrada,therealJuan
Cerrada?Doyouwantmetospeaktoyouaboutmymother?Doyouwantmetodescribeourhouse?
Butthatdoesn’tmakesense.IknowIhavethetruthonmyside.I’velivedit.You’retheonewho’s
lying.
OLDMAN:Thisdocumentcouldbefalse.Icanshowyoumydocumentation.
WOMAN:Nowisn’tthetimeformorepapers.
OLDMAN:Ana,lookmeintheeye.
WOMAN:Ihaven’tstoppedlookingatyousinceIgothere.
OLDMAN:Lookatme,please.Withallthedisdainandhateinthisworld,butlookatme,Ibegyou.
Lookatme.
(Sheholdshergaze,buthelowershisown.)
(InMauthausen)
YOUNGMAN:German.Wakeup.You’reyelling.
OLDMAN:Getoutofhereandleavemealone.
YOUNGMAN:What’shappeningtoyou?
OLDMAN:Leaveme.
YOUNGMAN:Comeon,getup.Youcan’tstayhere.Iftheyseeyouthisway,that’llbetheendofyou.I
learnedthatfromyou.Thatwecan’tgetsick;andifwedo,wecan’tletanyoneknow.That’swhatyou
taughtme.Sogetup.Whatisit—youdon’thavetheballsanymore,youfuckingGerman?
OLDMAN:Ican’ttakeittoday.
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YOUNGMAN:Isthisbecauseofyesterday’sbeating?Weren’tyousayingyoucouldtakeitall?Come
on,keephopingforyourmiracle.
OLDMAN:It’snotjustthat.Ifeel…Ifeelweak.
YOUNGMAN:Acold.
OLDMAN:It’snotacold.
YOUNGMAN:Really,areyousickornot?Itsmellsreallybadhere,buddy.Getup.
OLDMAN:Justleaveme.I’mgoingtogetshiteverywhere.Imusthavetyphus.Peoplehavediedfrom
typhusinthebarracks.Theotherdaymyclotheswerefulloffleas.Theymusthavepassediton.
YOUNGMAN:Peoplediefromtyphuseverydayhere.Fromtyphusandeverythingelse.Butthat’snot
yourproblem.Youdon’thavetyphus.Notthatoranythingelse.Youcan’tgiveupnow.
OLDMAN:Yougoon.
YOUNGMAN:I’mbringingyouwithme,whetheryoulikeitornot.
OLDMAN:Leaveme.
YOUNGMAN:No.
OLDMAN:Leavemenow.YouwanttoknowwhatIdidinMálaga.IservedontheAdmiralGraffSpee.
Ourmissionwastomakeuppartoftheinternationalforces.Iwasanartilleryofficer.AtthattimeIstill
believedinjustice.RightuptothatcolddayinFebruaryof’37.Málagahadtobetaken.TheItalians
accomplisheditbyland,andfromtheseatheyhadthehelpofthreeFrancoistwarships.Fromthe
AdmiralGraffSpeeweweremakingsurethenationalistsavoidedanysurprises.Sowewerekeepinga
watchonthelittleroadtoAlmería.Thecivilpopulationstartedtofleethecity.Thentheplanes
appeared.TheItaliansstartedtoletloosethemachinegunfire.Youcouldseethefacesofthewomen
crying.Thechildrenwererunning,withoutknowingwheretohide.TheSpanishboatspointedtheir
cannonstowardthepeopleontherun.
WhenItriedtoreactandrebel,everythingwasalreadyover.Youstillwanttogowithme?
YOUNGMAN:You’rehere,payingforyourguilt.
OLDMAN:Atacertainpoint,wewereorderedtoprovidefriendlysupport.AndIwasthegunmanof
theGraffSpee.Yougetit?Ifiredagainstthosepoorwretchesbecausetheyorderedmeto.AndInever
madeanyefforttorebel.
YOUNGMAN:You’resayingyouparticipatedinthemassacre.
OLDMAN:Idid.
YOUNGMAN:Butintheendyourebelled.
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OLDMAN:Whenitwasalreadytoolate.Hasn’titoccurredtoyouthatamongthosewretcheswere
someofyourfriends?Thatevensomeofyourfamilymayhavediedonthatroad?
YOUNGMAN:Whatisityouwant?Formetojumpontopofyouandpoundyoutodeath?Wehavea
plan.Let’smakethisescape.Then,we’llsee.ButIhavetogetoutofhereandyouhavetohelpme.So
getup,they’reabouttodothehead-count.
(Ontheroad,facingthesea.
TheOLDMANlooksattheWOMAN.Heraiseshishandtotouchherface.Buthedoesn’tdare,dropping
it,atthesametimeloweringhisgaze.)
OLDMAN:Thosewhoareleft.Thecostmakesnodifferencetoyou.
WOMAN:I’vebeenpaying.SincethedayIwasborn.
OLDMAN:Goaway.Goaway.
WOMAN:Breathe.
OLDMAN:Leaveme.Don’ttouchme.Don’tlookatme.
WOMAN:Calmdown.Idon’twanttohurtyou.Ineedyoutotalk.
(TheOLDMANcalmsdown,littlebylittle,undertheWOMAN’scoldgaze.)
Doyoufeelbetternow?
OLDMAN:Ana…
Ibegyou.Goaway.
WOMAN:I’mnotdoingit.
OLDMAN:Ana…
WOMAN:I’mnotgoingtoleaveyoualone.
OLDMAN:Whatareyouafterfromme?
WOMAN:Imadethistriptofindoutwhoyoureallyare.Idon’tbelieveyou’remyfather.You’rehiding
behindhisname.AndIwanttoknowwhy.
OLDMAN:Areyouafterrevenge?
(Silence.)
WOMAN:Iwantthetruth.
OLDMAN:Werethingsreallylikethat?
(InMauthausen.)
OLDMAN:Werethingsreallylikethat?
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Tomorrow,Spaniard.Tomorrowwillbetheday.Tomorrowwe’llmakeourescape.It’sbeenhard,
thoughthehardestpartforbothofusmayhavebeenyouconvincingme.Buteverything’sprepared
now.Now,finally,we’regoingtoescape,Spaniard.
YOUNGMAN:I’mnotgoingwithyou.
OLDMAN:Look,it’sclearthefront’snotgoingtoadvancethisfar.TheAlliesaremoreinterestedin
attackinginotherzones,andtheNazisaregoingtoholdtheirpositions.Andthey’recleaningoutthe
camps.Theyknowtheydon’thavemuchtimeandtheywanttofinishusoffsonothing’slefthanging.
Soeverything’swipedoffthemap.Ifwedon’tescapenow,wewon’thaveanychanceatall.
YOUNGMAN:There’sagroupleavingtomorrowforGusen.WhenIgothereinmytraintherewere
around200childreninthetrain.Thereareonlyaround50left.Tomorrowallofthesurvivorsfrommy
trainareleavinginthedirectionofGusen.Andsothose50childrenwillbeheadedthere.
OLDMAN:Youalreadyknowwhatawaitsthemthere.Andifyougowiththem,thesamethingwill
happentoyou,andyou’renotgoingtobeabletosavethemthatway.
YOUNGMAN:No.
OLDMAN:You’regoingtodie.Andyouwon’taccomplishanything.It’dbebetterforeveryone,for
thosechildrenandyou,ifyoujustgrabapieceofwoodandtakeoutacoupleofguardsbeforethey
finishyouoffwithabullet.
YOUNGMAN:It’sallthesametome,oldman.
OLDMAN:Afterallourpreparations?Ifwedon’ttakeoff,they’llfigureitalloutandthenthewhole
thingwillgetworse.
YOUNGMAN:I’mgoingtoGusen.Icouldn’tlivewithmyselflateronthinkingaboutthosechildren.
OLDMAN:Didthingsreallyhappenthatway?
YOUNGMAN:I’mgoingtoGusen.
OLDMAN:Nobodywouldbelievethis.We’reinhell.Nooneactsthiswayinhell.“I’mgoingwiththe
children.”That’scrap.EvenIcan’tbelieveit.Anddon’tcallmeoldman.Backthen,thisGerman
wasn’tanyoldman.
YOUNGMAN:So,whatisitthatreallyhappened?Iftherereallyweren’theroes,therecertainlywere
traitors.
OLDMAN:Heroesandtraitors.Winnersandlosers.Thesameoldstoryasalways.Didthingsreally
happenthatway?
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YOUNGMAN:We’renevergettingoutofhere.I’mnotstupid.You’renotplanningtogetusoutof
here.
OLDMAN:Yes,Idoknowhowtoescape.
YOUNGMAN:There’sonlyonewaytogetoutofhere.Throughthechimneys.That’swhatyoualways
toldme.TomorrowtheonlysurvivorsfrommytrainareleavingforGusen.Iwouldhavetogowith
them.
OLDMAN:Gusen.
YOUNGMAN:Idon’tplanondoingit.
OLDMAN:Howcanyouchangethat?
YOUNGMAN:IcanbeofsomeusetotheNazis.Theyhavenoreasontokillme.Idon’twanttodie.I
can’tletthemkillmenow.
OLDMAN:Areyousellingout,Spaniard?Isthatwhatyou’regoingtodo?
YOUNGMAN:I’veleftalotbehind.Ineedtogoback.PerhapsI’mcursed.Cursedwiththestigmaof
stayingalive,ofsurviving.
OLDMAN:Didthingsreallyhappenthatway?No,theydidn’tturnoutthatway.Neitherthatwaynor
theother.Iwasneitheraheronoratraitor.
(Facingtheroad.)
OLDMAN:ItmaybethatinanothertimemynamewasdifferentfromJuanCerrada.Atacertainpoint,I
grewtobeashamedofthenameIwasbornwith,ofthemanIwaswiththatcursedname.Idon’twant
torememberit.What’stheneedoflookingbackward?
WOMAN:Myneedisn’ttolookbackwardbutrathertomoveforward.That’swhyIneedtohearyou.
OLDMAN:Youwanttomoveforward.Forme,ontheotherhand,there’snothingIcandoaboutitnow.
Offeryouanexplanation.It’stimenowtosettlemydebtwiththemanwhodiedatGusenforme.
WOMAN:Atlast,youadmitit.
OLDMAN:Don’tlookatme.Ican’tstandyoulookingatme.
WOMAN:Whoareyoureally?
OLDMAN:Mynamedoesn’tmatteranylonger.
WOMAN:AllmylifeI’vecarriedwithmetheghostofJuanCerrada.AndtodayIwanttoresolveallmy
doubts.
OLDMAN:Getoutofhere.
WOMAN:I’mnotleaving.
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OLDMAN:Killmethen.
WOMAN:Ihaven’tcomeheretokillanybody.
(Silence.)
Thetruth.
OLDMAN:Youwanttogettothetruth?Areyousure?
WOMAN:ThisjourneybeganbeforeIwasborn.It’sgottoendhere.
OLDMAN:You’reveryyoung.Youhavealottolive,yourownlife.It’snothealthytopersistinhunting
aghost.
WOMAN:Foralongtime,Ibelievedinthestorymymothertoldmeoverandoveraboutmyfather.But
Ineverhadagravetocryat.AllIhaveleftofmyfatherisablurryphoto,fragmentsofastoryalmost
forgotten,andyou.You,whobearshisname.
(TheOLDMANremainssilent.TheWOMANcontinues,withoutanger,asifshewerespeakingtoachild
fromwhomshe’sattemptingtoextracttheconfessionofaminorsin.)
Itdoesn’thaveanythingtodowithme.It’spointlesstocontinuewithyourlies.
OLDMAN:Youshownocompassion.
WOMAN:Compassion?Idon’tthinkthatthat’stherightwordinthiscase.Whowascompassionate
backthenwithJuanCerrada,witheachoneofthethousandsofJuanCerradasthatexisted?
OLDMAN:Tellmethatyou’rereallythedaughterofMargaritaLebrón.
WOMAN:I’mthedaughterofJuanCerrada.
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13. ENDOFTHEROAD
(TheWOMANwritesalettertoherformerlover.)
WOMAN:I’dsworntomyselfnottobotheryouagain.I’vehurtyouagreatdeal,Iknow.Idestroyedour
relationshipandindoingsoplayedthevillain’srole.That’swhatIchose.JustasIchosetoavoidthe
victim’srole.AtnopointcouldIallowyoutofeelpityformeandIsufferedasaresult.Iprefera
thousandtimesyourhate,yourdisdain.AfterleavingyouasIdid,Iwouldn’tbeabletostandyour
kindness,yourinfiniteunderstanding.I’mnotgoodenoughtodeserveit.Justasyouwouldn’tdeserveit
ifIdraggedyoualongwithallmyself-absorption,tohaveyoustarttosufferwhatyousoaptlycalledmy
ghosthunt.
It’snotthatIdon’tloveyou.TheproblemisthatIloveyoutoomuch,somuchthatIwouldgoto
incredibleextremestohaveyoubymyside.Butforthatreason,becauseIloveyou,Ihavetoholdback,
evenifitmeansbitingmylipssohardthattheystarttobleed.ThebattleI’mfightingagainstmyselfis
brutal.I’vesucceeded,evenifit’satgreatcost,inrepressingmyfeelingsforyou,mydesiresforyou,to
makemyselfnotwantyouformyownatanyprice,puttingthataboveeverything.
Ican’tgoonanymoreandI’mgoingtotellyou:Iwantyou.Iloveyou.Idesireyou.Ikeepwanting,
loving,desiringyou.Iloveyou.Iloveyou.Iloveyou.That’swhyIcouldn’ttakeitifyousunkintothe
holeI’vecreatedwithmyobstinacy.ButIdesireyou.Idesireyou,Idesireyou.Ilongforthestrengthof
yourarms,theroughnessofyourchest,theweightofyourbody.Yourmouth,yourbreath.Ioughtto
eraseallofthis.I’lldoit,beforeIsendyouthisletter.ButnowIneedtofeelthatit’sreallywrittendown
here,thatI’mnotgoingtoeraseit.Thatit’sallgoingtoreachyouinthisletterandyou’regoingtoread
itandI’mgoingtofillyouwithallmywordsandsoonI’mgoingtohaveyouhere,now.
It’snotgoingtobethatway.You’renotgoingtoreadit.I’mfightingagainagainstmyselfandI’m
winningandwithmyvictoryI’mtheloser.BywinningIloseeverything.Youhavetobefreefrommy
lovingyou.That’swhythisletterwillneverbesenttoyou.
I’llgoonwithmysearch,inamazeI’mgrowingmoreandmorelostin.I’dpromisedmyselfnottotalkor
writetoyouuntilI’dachievedmyobjective,oruntilI’dfailedcompletely.Ineededtoreachtheend
beforeyoufoundoutmywhereabouts.Ididn’twanttoburdenyouwithanyofmyworries.Ineededto
putanend,bymyself,tothisobsession,andthengetclosetoyou,myarmsraisedhighandmyhands
wideopen,andthengiveyoufreereintohatemeoracceptmeallover.Sothatyou’dbetheoneto
decideifyouwanttofindout,ornot,abouttheonewho’dbeenyourwoman.
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I’maskingforyourforgivenessnow,bothforbeingsoweakandforwritingyouandfornothaving
enoughcouragetopresentmyselfbeforeyoufacetoface.I’mlonely,andIneedtogetthisoffmychest.
IneedtoexpresstosomeoneeverythingIfeelinside.Ifyoudon’twanttoreadthisletter,that’syour
right.Ifyoutearituporleaveitsomeplace,orifyouthrowitoutorburnit,I’llneverblameyouforit.
You’vesufferedagreatdealbecauseofme,andI’dliketosupportyouandtellyouI’mnotreallyworth
thetrouble.ThatyourgenerosityisworthmorethananythingIcangiveyou.Buttodaymorethanever
Imissyourembraces,andI’mdyingtobeatyourside.
Ihear“Wiegala,”thesongbyIlseWeber.IlseWeberwasaJewishwriterofchildren’sstories.Ilse
Weber,togetherwithherhusbandandson,wereconfinedinTheresienstadt,thecampforthe
supposedlyfortunateJews.Whentheydidn’tmatteranymore,IlseWeber,alongwithherhusbandand
son,endedupinAuschwitz,likeallthesupposedlyfortunateJewsfromTheresienstadt,likeallofthem.
I’mlisteningto“Wiegala.”ThelullabyIlseWebercomposedandsangforherson.ThelullabyIlseWeber
sangforallthechildrenwhoweretherewiththem.Thelullabywithwhichshetriedtoconsolethemas
shevoluntarilyaccompaniedthechildrenofAuschwitztodieintheshowers.
Wiegala,wiegala,weier,
derWindspieltaufderLeier,
erspieltsosüssimgrünenRied,
dieNachtigall,diesingtihrLied.
Wiegala,wiegala,weier,
derWindspieltaufderLeier.
Wiegala,wiegala,werne,
derMondistdieLaterne,
erstehtamdunklenHimmelszelt
undschautherniederaufdieWelt.
Wiegala,wiegala,werne,
derMondistdieLaterne,
Wiegala,wiegala,wille,
wieistdieWeltsostille!
EsstörtkeinLautdiesüsseRuh,
schlafmeinKindchen,schlafauchdu.
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Wiegala,wiegala,wille,
wieistdieWeltsostille!
(Wiegala,wiegala,weier,
Thewindplaysthelyre.
Itplayssweetlyamongthegreenreeds.
Thenightingalesingshersong.
Wiegala,wiegala,weier,
Thewindplaysthelyre.
Wiegala,wiegala,werne,
Themoonisatorch
Inthedarkdepthsofthesky,
Fromthereitlooksontotheworld.
Wiegala,wiegala,werne,
Themoonisatorch.
Wiegala,wiegala,wille.
Howsilentistheworld!
Notasoundmarsthepeace,
You,too,littleone,gotosleep.
Wiegala,wiegala,wille,
Howsilentistheworld!)
Ifoundmanystories.Ifoundmyfather’s,orrather,theremainsofmyfather’sstory.Ihopesomeday
youcanbewithmeagainand,indoingso,helpmeunderstandit.
(TheOLDMANvacillates.Alongsilence.)
OLDMAN:IwasGerman.
WOMAN:So,youtookpartinmyfather’sdeath.
OLDMAN:Ididn’tkillyourfather.Iwasyourfather’smateinMauthausen.Iwasjustanotherprisoner
therewithhim.Anotherhilloffleshtokilloff.Wewerebarrackmates.Wewerefriends.
WOMAN:HowdoIknowyourMauthausenstoryisalltrue,andthatyourweren’tthereasajailerand
executioner?
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OLDMAN:IservedintheGermantroops,notintheNazis.Iwasinsubordinateandtriedtodesert.I
wasconvictedandendedupinMauthausen.Areyougoingtobelieveme--yesorno?
Turnthatgadgetonnow.Don’tyouwanttohavemystory?Connectthatmachine.
(TheWOMANconnectstherecorder.)
OLDMAN:IwasanartillerygunneronaGermanbattleshipthatwaspartoftheinternationalbloc.It
wasaFebruarydayin’37,andwewerefacingtheMálagacoast.TheItaliansfromland,supportedfrom
theseabythreeNationalistships,weretakingthecity.Fromthatdayforward,everythingcollapsedfor
me.IsawhowfromtheSpanishshipstheywerepointingtheircannonstowardthecivilianpopulation
fleeingthecity.Icouldseethefacesofthewomencrying,thechildrenrunning…
Wewerekeepingwatchtoensurenothinginterferedwiththeattack.Icouldseehow,coldly,changing
theirpositiontomakeeveryshotcount,sharpeningtheiraimwitheveryhit,theSpanishfriendsofthe
GermanswereannihilatingtheSpanishenemiesoftheGermans.
WOMAN:Todonothingistobecomeanaccompliceincrime.
OLDMAN:Icarriedoutmyduty.Ievenbelieveinthat,inmyneedtocarryoutanorder.Butwhenthe
commandgaveusorderstoshoot,whenthecommandantorderedmetoshoot…
WOMAN:TheGermancommandorderedyoutoshoot.
OLDMAN:Iwasanartilleryofficer.Itwasmyobligation.
WOMAN:You’retalkingaboutshootingatcivilians.
OLDMAN:Lookoutthewindow.That’stheroad.Itallhappenedthere.Youdon’tseeanything,justan
abandonedroad.Iseeallthefacesofthechildren,ofthemotherscryingoverthebutcheredbabiesin
theirarms,ofthepeoplefleeing,explodingintheairfromthemortars’impact.
WOMAN:Youmightnothavedoneit.
OLDMAN:Imightnothavedoneit.
(TheWOMAN’sletter.)
I’vetraveledalongwaytofindJuanCerrada.Myfather.Ifoundmanystoriesalongtheway.Many
keptmeawakeatnight,andforeverleftmewithabittertasteinmymouth.I’mgoingtotellyouoneof
them.
Bytheseashore,inMotrico,there’saconventcalledSanturrarán.In1938itwasconvertedtoajail
wheretheyimprisonedanytypeofwomandeemedundesirablebythenewregime.Thejailwasguarded
overbyMercedariannuns.SisterMaríaAranzazu,knownas“ThePanther,”wasprioressandwardenin
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thatungodlymonastery.Despitethejailhavingacapacityofsome750inmates,thenumberof
prisonerswaseasilydoubled.Deathswereroutine.
AtthetimeoftheirarrivalatSanturrarán,quiteafewofthewomenwouldenterpregnant.Whenthe
babywasborn,birthwouldbe,astheysay,“unrecordedinanyregister,”andthechildwouldbe
snatchedoutofthemother’sarms.Onewassupposedtoassumethattherewasalwaysadecentand
well-to-dofamilytowelcomethatproductofsin.Now,inthepostwarera,itwasdecreedthatchildren
underthreeyearsofagecouldnotremaininthejail,withtheresultthatunderthepretenseoftheso-
called“orphanageremoval”provision,theywereseparatedfromtheirmothers.
Whentheywouldarrivetotheinfirmary,theadmissionofthosebabieswasleft“unrecordedinany
register.”Thustheywereseparatedfromtheirmotherandlegitimatefamiliesforever,giventhatnowas
ageneralruleanyofficialtraceofthemwasgone.Anylaterefforttofindthemproveduseless.Given
thesituation,beforereachingthatpoint,somewomenoptedtogivethemupfordirectadoptionto
Motricofamilies,andthushavethechancetofindoutlaterwheretheirchildrenhadgone.
Thosewhohadolderchildrenweren’tseparatedfromthem.Ifaproblemarose,ifachildgotsick,no
matterhowgraveitwas,theinmateswouldattempttocureitthemselves.Theydidn’tlettheFrancoists
takethemaway.Theywereallonthelookoutforanychildwhogotadmittedtotheclinicbutdidn’t
comeback.Ifachildwentmissing,therewasnopointinmakingacomplaintlateron,cryingand
protesting.Thethingdearesttoyou,morethanyourownblood,wouldbeerasedfromyourlife.Birth
certificateserased,legalweddingsannulled.You’dneverhadachild.
Butthehorrorhurtsmostwhenit’sencasedinthesinistercloakofsarcasm.
Onesunnydayin1942thewomenprisonersofSanturraránweresurprisedtofindthatanexcursionto
thebeachhadbeenorganizedforthemothersandchildren.Thatday,onthebeach,manybelievedthat
everythinghadchanged.Thatthetimeofrepressionwasnearingitsend,andsooneveryonewouldbe
goingbackhome.Theywerehappywiththeirchildren,andthenunseventookpicturesofthem.We
canseetheluminousfacesofthewomenofthatrealconcentrationcamp,andnoonecouldguesswhat
helltheyweregoingthrough.Whentheyreturnedtothejail,theylearnedthattheirchildrenweren’t
goingbackwiththem.Theyneversawthemagain.
Iimaginewhatthatnightwaslike.No,Ican’timagineit.
Whathappenedtothosechildren,whatcouldhavebecomeofthem?Didanyofthemthinklaterabout
theirmother,ofthejail,ofthehardship?Ofthearmsthatprotectedthem,ofthetear-stainedkisses,of
theloveoftheirmothersshutupinthosecells?No.Notasinglechildwhodisappearedevercametobe
foundbyherfamily.
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Here,bytheseaside,Irememberthosewomen,andIfeellikeIheartheircriesastheirchildrenwere
beingyankedfromtheirarms.
Here,bytheseaside,IunderstandhowverymuchIneedyou.
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14. JUANCERRADA
(WiththeYOUNGMAN.)
OLDMAN:I’vebeenJuanCerradaforalongtime.I’vedefendedthatnamewithmoreforcethanIhave
myown.JuanCerradaneverexisted.Hewassimplythefantasyofalonelygirlinthemiddleofthewar.
YOUNGMAN:IamJuanCerrada.
OLDMAN:YouwereJuanCerradaandIhavebeenhimandIstillamhimwithyou.
YOUNGMAN:Whoareyou?WhoamI?
OLDMAN:Lookaroundyou.
(Mauthausen.)
YOUNGMAN:Thebarracks.Outthere,theovens.Theashfallingovereverything.Arewein
Mauthausenagain?
OLDMAN:Again.
YOUNGMAN:Ican’tgoonhere.Helpmeescape,German.
OLDMAN:I’mnottheGerman,youstilldon’tgetit?
YOUNGMAN:Ican’tdieyet.
OLDMAN:Youcan’tdie.Everythingaroundyouisdying,andyoudon’thavethestrengthtodoit.
YOUNGMAN:Andwhodeservesit?
(Facingthesea.)
WOMAN:Idon’tknowwhyyou’vetoldmethatstoryabouttheMálagaroad.Itdoesn’tinterestmeat
all.DoyouhavesomethingelsetotellmeaboutJuanCerrada,yesorno?
OLDMAN:Wait…
(InCerrada’smind.)
OLDMAN:Youdon’texistoutsideofme.You’reonlytheyoungmanIwasinMauthausen.Thatyoung
manwhostayedthere,whoneverleftthatbarrackhouse.
YOUNGMAN:But,theGerman…?Hewasgoingtoescapewithyou.
OLDMAN:TheGermanexisted.HeneverleftMauthausen,butthankstohimI’mhere.It’shisfaultI’m
here.Ifwehadescapedtogether,wewouldn’thavegotveryfar.TheNazisweremethodical.Detail
men.Theydidn’tmissanything.
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YOUNGMAN:YouleftthecampwiththenameofJuanCerrada.
OLDMAN:ThatGermansonofabitchwashuge,agiant.Andhestillkepthisstrength.Hegotupand
threwhimselfontopofme.Itriedtodefendmyself,butIdidn’thavethestrengthtostophim.Hegot
ontopofmeandhebeatmeviciously,overandover.Henailedhisfistsintomybody,intomyface.He
batteredmeuntilIwasunconscious.Thenheswitchedmyclotheswithhisandmydocumentationwith
his.Hescratchedouthisownidentificationnumberandre-markeditwithmine.WhenImanagedto
cometothenextday,Iwasinhisbunk.Andonmyhandhe’dwrittenhisname.SothatI’dremember
wellhowIhadtosaymynamefromthenon.That’swhathappened.IlivedunderGermanidentity
untiltheAmericanforcesliberatedMauthausen.
YOUNGMAN:It’sallafarce.
OLDMAN:No,it’sallreal.
Reality.Sleepinginabarrackhouseinfrontofthecrematorium,andinthenightseeingflamescome
outofthechimney…Reality…Hopestopsmakingsense.Thatindeedwasreal.
(InMálaga,attheveryendoftheday.)
Thisisreal.
(Facingthesea.)
WOMAN:ButareyougoingtotalkaboutJuanCerrada,yesorno?
OLDMAN:What’stheneedoflookingbackward?
WOMAN:Myneedisn’ttolookbackbuttomoveforward.Ineedtohearyou.
OLDMAN:Youwanttomoveforward.I,ontheotherhand,candolittlenow.Offeranexplanation.
Now’sthetimetosettlemydebtwiththatmanwhodiedinGusen.InMauthausenIfoundmyselfwith
him,andwithJews,withPoles,withotherGermanslikemyself.Wewereallundertheruthlessknifeof
theNazis.AndtheSpaniards,too.
WOMAN:Amongthem,JuanCerrada.
OLDMAN:Cerrada,andmanymoreSpaniards.Andwiththem,fiftychildren,almostbabies.At13they
werealreadyjudgedoldenoughtobeimprisonedatMauthausen.Childrenoftheroad.Thechildrenof
Mauthausen.Spain’sworstnightmareshadgrownintoamonstrousshapeatMauthausen,untilit
turnedintotheonethingyouhadaheadofyou.RememberingthepainofthosefacesinMálagawas
becomingarelief.Itwasawayofcontrastingthestrangenessofhorrorwiththeeverydayroutineof
whatIwasgoingthrough.
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IspokeSpanishwellandIbecamequitefriendlywithCerrada.Weplannedourescapefromthecamp.
Wehadeverythingnearlysettogo,whenJuanfoundouthewasbeingsentouttoGusen.Thosewho
wentintoGusennevercameoutofthere.Weshouldhavehurried.ButCerradalearnedtheywerealso
sendingouttoGusenthosechildrenfromAngoulemewhowerestillalive.Atthelastmoment,the
thoughtofallthosechildrenweighedonhim,andtheideathathe’dbeatraitortothemifheletthem
diealone.Helookedatmeandturnedaround.Hedidn’tturnhisheadbacktolookatme,andhefaced
downhisowndeathwithoutquestioningit.
(Mauthausen.)
OLDMAN:HewenttoGuseninourplace.He’darrangeditalltofoolmeandtofooleveryone.His
remorseforwhathe’ddoneonthisroadwassuperiortohisstrength.Thatwashisescapeplan.
YOUNGMAN:Ididn’tgotoGusen.Ididn’tdieinMauthausen.TheGermandiedforme.That’swhyI’m
stillhere,facingthedoorsofhell.
OLDMAN:That’swhyI’mhere,tryingtolivehispain.DoyouknowwhattheGermansaid?NowI’m
goingtopaymydues.You’llpaymine.Ididn’tknowwhathemeantatthetime.
(Inthedarkofthehouse.TotheWOMAN.)
Yourfatherdied.HewentintoGusen.WhoeverwentintoGusendidn’tcomeoutofthere.Whenthe
Americansappeared,Ipretendedtobehim.So,IleftMauthausenbeingJuanCerrada.
Ihavetoaskforforgiveness,fromyou.Iaskyourforgiveness,evenifIdon’tdeserveit.
WOMAN:Thisisn’tthetimeforforgiveness.Iwanttokeeplisteningtoyou.
OLDMAN:Mystory’snowapartofyourown.Itriedtovisityourmother,andtellherwhathad
happened.ButIcouldn’tdoit.Ididn’thavethecouragetodoit.IroamedthroughpostwarSpain,and
Istartedtouseyourfather’spapers,whichImademyownafterIleftMauthausen.Iwasmarriedas
JuanCerrada.AndsoIhadafamily,achild,justasCerradahadyou,andIgavemysontheCerrada
name.Perhapsforthatreason,lifetookthemfromme,myfamily,mywifeandson.
(TheMANandtheYOUNGMAN.Dialogue.Betweendelirium,guilt,remembrance.WhichtheYOUNG
MANthrowsinthefaceoftheMAN.)
OLDMAN:OnedayIdreamIgetthatcaragain,andgoonatripwithmyfamily.
YOUNGMAN:Theroad’sclearandit’ssunny.Thesundriesupalltherain.
OLDMAN:OnedayIdreamthatIhavenopast.Thatthere’sonlyalongroadahead.
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YOUNGMAN:OnedayIdreamthatlifeiseasier.Thatwemustbehappy.
OLDMAN:OnedayIdreamthatI’mwithmylovedonesandwesingtogether.
YOUNGMAN:OnedayIdreamthatIhugmywifeandeatcherriesfromhermouth.
OLDMAN:OnedayIdreamthatit’spossibletobehappy.
YOUNGMAN:Itispossibletobehappy.
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15. SOF“SPANIER”
(Facingthesea.)
WOMAN:What’syourrealname?
OLDMAN:JuanCerrada.
WOMAN:Yourname.
OLDMAN:JuanCerrada.
WOMAN:Tellmeyourname,yourrealname.
OLDMAN:JuanCerrada,it’stheonlythingIhaveleft.
(TheWOMANgetsup.SheturnsherbacktotheOLDMAN,whodriesthesweatthat’srunningdownhis
face.TheWOMANdoesn’tturnaroundtorespondtotheOLDMAN.)
WOMAN:Idon’tbelieveyoucouldhavehadsuchgoodluckinSpain,thattheywouldn’thaveposedany
problemforyou.Itdoesn’tmakeanysenseeitherthatyoucouldtakeontheidentityofananti-fascist
withoutsomebodydoubtingthevalidityofyourpapers.Whatyou’vetoldmeisreallyquiteillogical.
I’mnotatallsurethatinMauthausenyouwereavictimratherthananexecutioner.
(TheOLDMANrevealshimselftotheWOMAN.Andraisingashirtsleeve,thenumberonhisarmwhich
markshisstayinMauthausen.)
OLDMAN:Attimes,Iopenmyeyesfrightened.Inthedarkness,Ihearthecries,Ismellthestench…
Bagsofskinandbones.I’msurroundedbythem.Canyouseemyarm?
(TheWOMANstepsbackhorrified.ThedeepmarkofthenumberoftheOLDMAN’sarmoffersevidence
ofpartofhisstory.)
WOMAN:Anexterminationnumber.
OLDMAN:Someshowitoffwithpride.Ican’t.
(TheWOMANactsdefeated.)
WOMAN:I’vechasedaghost.Andnow,thatghostisinsideme.IfyoureallywereinMauthausen,if
youreallysayyournameisJuanCerrada,whatdoesalltherestmattertoyou?
OLDMAN:Ana,whatisityouwantnow?
WOMAN:Idon’tknowyet.PerhapsIneedtodeceivemyself,andliveignoringthetruth.Livingwitha
differentpast.
OLDMAN:Lookatme.Thisiswhat’sleftofthatJuanCerradawhomyouhatesomuch.
WOMAN:I’dliketoforgetthatanyonelikeyouexists.
OLDMAN:Youwon’tbeabletoforgetit.Youwon’tbeabletoforgetthatJuanCerradaexisted.You
won’tbeabletoforgetthatthewarexisted.Nomatterhowmuchyouwanted.
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Idon’twanttoliveeither,butIcan’tkillmyself.IfIdid,itwouldbeasthoughIwerekillingCerrada
again,asthoughIwerekillingthechildrenofMauthausenagain,themothersandchildrenof
Mauthausen.Everyoneofthevictimsofthehorrorthat’schasedmethroughmylife,throughallofthe
twentiethcentury.History.IfIweretodie.Ifyouweretokillme.Killme,I’maskingyoutodoit.Kill
meandintheprocessyou’llfreeyourfather’sname.
WOMAN:Ihaven’tcomeheretokillyou.Iwouldbeincapableofit.
OLDMAN:So?
WOMAN:Ineededtoconvincemyselfmyfatherhaddied.
OLDMAN:Nothingledyoutothinktheopposite.
WOMAN:But…
OLDMAN:Iwanttogiveyouthis.It’stheonlythingIhaveleftfromthepast.Nowitmustbeyours.
(TheOLDMANgivestheWOMANablueclothtriangle.TheWOMANtakesit,visiblymoved.)
WOMAN:Thisisit.
OLDMAN:Thisisit.Therearenomorewords.There’snothingelse.Thebluetrianglethatmarked
yourfatherinthecamp.
WOMAN:WhatamIgoingtodofromthispointon?
OLDMAN:Forme,it’sdeaththatawaitsme.Iwantittocome,withlonging.Iwanttorest.Butforyou
theworstisstillahead.Oneday,andanother,thenanother.You’releftwithonething,thememoryof
yourfather,andalsoanother,myown.
(Silence.)
WOMAN:Thisisthefinalpointofmyjourney.
(TheWOMANrewindsthetape.Astheroomgoesdark,wehearintermittentlythevoiceonthe
cassette.)
…cherries…fatherandI…itsflavor…whereeverythingwasgray…itsredcolor,inthemiddleof…flavor…
ifforanything…that’swhy…theflavor…thosecherries.
HereendsJuanCerrada’sjourney.
(SilencefallsovertheOLDMAN,whosinksintothedarkness,slowly.)
WOMAN:Iturnedaround,turningmybackonthatoldman.Heremainedsurroundedbydarkness,
talkingtohimself,betweenhisteeth.Arguingwiththeghostsofhispast.Ididn’twanttoknow
anythingmore.EverythingI’dthought,everythingI’dbelievedin,wasturningagainstme.
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16. FALSEWITNESSES
(Suitcases,unopened,bythesideofthedoor.Throughtheotherside,theWomanenters,dressedina
nightgown.Inside,herpartnerwaitsforher.)
ALBERTO:Didyougetagoodrest?Youslepttheentireday.
WOMAN:IfeellikeIcouldhavesleptlonger.
ALBERTO:Areyoubacktostay?
WOMAN:Idon’tknowyet.
ALBERTO:Haven’tyoufinishedyoursearchyet?
WOMAN:I’vereachedtheend.ButnowIreallydon’tknowwhatit’sworth.
(TheWOMANisunsureofhowtokissAlberto.But,finally,shethrowsherselfinhisarmsandcries.)
ALBERTO:Easy.
WOMAN:I’msorry.
ALBERTO:Hasitbeenhard?
WOMAN:Veryhard.
ALBERTO:It’sallovernow.
WOMAN:Iwanttobewithyou.
ALBERTO:Haveyouthoughtagainaboutwhatyoufoundout?
WOMAN:Yes.ButIstilldon’tknowwhat’sgoodandwhat’sbad.
(Hehandsheraphoto.)
ALBERTO:Doyouknowwhatthisis?
WOMAN:Ofcourse.Capa’sdeadmilitiaman.Whythis,now?
ALBERTO:YourstoryremindedmeoftheinternationalbrigadesmanintheCivilWarwholatermetup
withhisfatherinMauthausen.
Manyarguethatthisistheemblematicimageofourwar,andnotPicasso’sGuernica.Theimagethat
RobertCapacaughtwithhiscamera.ofthedeadmilitiamaninCerroMuriano,September5,1936.The
shotshowsahatlessman,dressedinawhiteshirt,withoutauniform,witharifleinhishand,fallingina
seatedposition,intheexactmomentofhisdeath.Abulletdrillsthroughhisheartattheexactpoint
thatthephotoimmobilizeshim.
WOMAN:Idon’tknowwhatyou’retryingtotellmewiththis.
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ALBERTO:Themilitiamandied,andthey’venowbeenabletodeterminehisfullname.FedericoBorrell
García.Sothen,theauthenticityofthisphoto,itstruth,theyconfirmeditasabsolute.Thatday,Capa
capturedthroughhiscameratherealityofFedericoBorrell’sdeath.
WOMAN:Itallseemstofit.
ALBERTO:Everythingbutaseriesofminordetails.Numberone,theactualpositionofthebodyasit
falls.Adeadpersondoesn’tdiethatway.
WOMAN:Thephoto’safraud?
ALBERTO:Therearepeoplewhoclearlyseeitasafraud,giventhesedetails.Someassertthatthatman
wasn’tdyingatthetimeofthephoto.Hewaspretending.Buttheotherproofofthephotobeinga
fraudismoreconvincing.
WOMAN:What’sthat?
ALBERTO:Thephotoofthatmilitiamanfallingmortallywoundedisn’tunique.Capahasvariousothers
takenthesameday,withdifferentmilitiamen,fallingonthesamehill.Macabrestudiesinfraud.
WOMAN:So,isitafraud?
ALBERTO:Afalsification,asinistermasquerade?Acoincidence?Capa’sphotoonlyprovidedadvance
noticeofwhatwasgoingtobereality.Deathwouldarrivetoclaimthelifeofhismodeljustafewhours
afterCaparealizedhissimulation.It’sbeensuggestedthatCapatriedtostagethedeathofamilitiaman
andthatagroupofthem,generously,agreedtoposeforhim.Amongthem,FedericoBorrell,whose
fiancéewaswaitingforhimintownsotheycouldgetmarried.Theironyisthatthatimage,whichCapa
orhiseditorchoseasthemostawfulreflectionoftheCivilWar,wouldhaveitsrealcompletionlateron.
WOMAN:Thatis,ifthetheory’strue.ButIwonderifCapaheardaboutthemilitiaman’sdeath.
ALBERTO:Theydon’tknow.Butthere’sanotherstory,anotherdeath,thatindeedaffectedthe
photographer.ItwasthereporterGerdaTaro’saccidentaftershe’dcoveredtheBattleofBrunete.That
day,Capawantedtodieandhesoughtrefugethroughabottleoforujo.Heforgothiscamera.Asoldier
returnedittohim,becauseeverybodyknewhim.Yousee,GerdawasCapa’slover.Capabecame
famousforhiswarphotos.Ifhisphotographs,latersocontroversial,ofdeadmilitiamengaveafaceto
theCivilWar,theonesfromtheNormandylandingdidthesamewiththeSecondWorldWar.Because
beyondtheirpoliticalcontent,thosephotoscomefromaneyethat’sbothwoundedandstressed,atits
breakingpoint,justastheirsubjectsareonthevergeofdyingunderfireandexplosiveattack.
It’sbestthatyourest.
WOMAN:Iloveyou.
ALBERTO:Thestoryendshere.
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WOMAN:Thestoryendshere.
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17. THESEA
MynameshouldbeAnaCerrada.
MyfatherfoughtintheCivilWaranddiedcondemnedbytheSpanishGovernmentinGusen,asub-camp
ofMauthausen.TheMauthausencampswerebuiltwiththeenslavedhandsandlivesoftheSpaniards.
TheSpaniardsatMauthausenweremarkedwiththeinvertedbluetriangleofthestateless,withtheS,of
“Spanier,”inthemiddle.ButtheSpaniardswouldn’tbesubdued.
WhenaskedbytheNaziauthoritieswhattodowiththosefugitives,SerranoSuñer,GovernmentMinister
andFranco’sbrother-in-law,answeredthatnoSpaniardexistedbeyondtheSpanishborders.7,300
SpaniardswereconfinedtoMauthausen.5,000Spaniardsdiedinthecamporinsub-campslikeGusen.
InSpaintodaytherehasstillbeennohonorpaidtothememoryofthose5,000martyrs,nortothe2300
survivors.Theseheroesoffreedomarestillforcedtosufferdisgraceandoblivion.Onlytwothingsare
leftofthem.Theremembranceoftheirfightagainstterror,andtheirsleeplessnightsofhell.
MynameisAnaCerrada,andonedayIwentofftofacemyfather’sghost.Ifounditinanotherman
whofinallyadmittedtonotbeinghim,amanwoundedbyHistory,andamanwhosefacehadbeen
erasedbytime.
IwanttostopthinkingaboutJuanCerrada,amanwhocloseshimselfoffwithhisnothingnessina
house,facingthesea.Theseafromwhichcruisersgunneddownthepopulationfleeingtheonslaughtof
thewar.Theseathat’switnessedotherwars,theseathatkeepshushed,androcksitself,snoozing
throughthedayuntilthatmomentcomeswhenitfinallyawakens.WhenthathappensIhopeitcarries
usallaway.
(TheWOMAN’sfaceleanstowardthewater,andshewhispers.)
WhenIwaslittle,Iwouldcallouttomyfather,whosenamewasallIknewofhim.Inthenight,withan
overflowingwaterjuginmyhands,myfacelitbythereflectionfromthemoon,Iwhispernow,three
timesinarow,myfather’sname.
JuanCerrada.
JuanCerrada.
JuanCerrada.
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