alternatives to employee assistance program

8/6/2019 Alternatives to Employee Assistance Program

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Lakewood Resource & Referral Center212 Second Street, Suite 204

Lakewood, New Jersey 08701

Alternatives to Lacking anEmployee Assistance Program


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Qualities of Difficult People Common Responses to Difficult People

10 Common Difficult Personalities(and how to deal with them)

How to Defuse an Angry Person

Listening Skills with Difficult People

Your Difficult Person


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Overreact to criticism

Avoid others or hide information

Blame Others

Exhibit loss of emotional control

Become hostile for no apparent reason

Attack others physically or verbally

Seem apathetic

Appear very anxious

Manipulate others

Show wide or sudden shifts of mood for no obvious reason

Are overly controllingSeem rebellious

Become argumentative

Qualities of difficult people


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Common Responses to Difficult People

Anger

Frustration

Complaining

Walking on eggshells

Being overly nice

Arguing

Enduring abuse silently


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10 Difficult Personalities Leading to Conflict in theWorkplace (and How to Deal with Them)

The Hostile/Aggressive

The Pessimist

The Complainer

The Know-it-All Expert

The Narcissist

The Toady

The Skeptic

Shy and Quiet

The Overcontroller

The Indecisive Staller


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How to Deal with this Personality:

1. Stand up to them without aggression. If you allow afight to escalate you will never win and you may endup losing both the battle and the war.

2. Be assertive and express your opinion respectfully(In my opinionand so I disagree with you).

3. Take a deep breath and calm yourself.

4. Move the discussion to a neutral site.

THE SHERMAN TANK, THE EXPLODER, MEAN AND ANGRY


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4. If attacked, do not counter-attack. Such personalities feed onthe anger of others it empowers them.

5. Instead ask them firmly to sit down and explain calmly whatthey have to say. Listen calmly in return.

6. Give them time to wind down and run out of steamavoid adirect confrontation.

7. Take unpredictable actions to distract their attention: drop abook, stand up; firmly call them by name.

8. Dont be surprised by friendly overtures as soon as they viewyou as worthy of respect.


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The Pessimist

THE NEGATIVIST


1. Recognize your own vulnerability to being sucked intofeeling discouraged. Negativity can be contagious unlessmet directly with confident, assertive optimism.

2. Dont argue with them or embarrass them. You wont get

far by making this a win/lose battle.3. Allow them to play the role of reality checker by

analyzing what could indeed go wrong. Validate theusefulness of their defensive pessimism.


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The Pessimist

4. Require them to cite specifics rather than make sweepinggeneralizations.

5. Offer examples of past successes. Highlight the value of exploring other alternatives.

6. When alternatives are discussed, bring up the negativesyourself.

7. Dont try to talk them out of their pessimistic life perspective.

8. Discuss the problem thoroughly without offering solutions.

9. Be ready to take action alone without their agreement.


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The Complainer

7. Be careful when agreeing. You do not want to validate thateverything is your fault and that they are blameless.

8. If all else fails, ask them how they would like the discussion toend; what results do they want to achieve?

9. Acknowledge their feelings but avoid complaining along withthem; dont get sucked into their dysfunctional pattern.

10. State the facts clearly without apologyremain in problem -solving mode.


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THE BULLDOZER

How to Deal with this personality:

1. Help them consider alternative views while avoiding directchallenges to their expertise.

2. Do your homework, prepare well, discuss facts in anorderly manner, and make sure that your information is

accurate and complete.3. Dont ball park it or they will dismiss you as

incompetent.

4. Dont be intimidated, or let them take over the meeting.


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5. Do listen to them and try to benefit from their knowledge.

5. Listen actively and acknowledge. Paraphrase rather thaninterrupt; it shows that you respect their expertise.

6. If you must point out an error or omission, do it byquestioning firmly with confidence and asking for clarification

(e.g., how might that look 5 years from now?) 7. Resist the temptation to assert your own expert credential. Itwont work. No one knows more than they do in their opinion.


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The Narcissist

BALLOONS - ALWAYS RIGHT


1. Know how you feel about the person and how they affect you.2. Identify and recognize their talents especially underutilized

ones and lead them to activities that test these talents.

3. Avoid the temptation to burst their bubble they are reallyrather fragile underneath the confident exterior.

4. Encourage their participation in activities that require theirdependence on others.

5. Give them opportunities to teach and work with others.


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The Narcissist

6. Have them role-play a timid or shy person to feel the other

sides. Use similar techniques to encourage empathy.7. State correct facts or alternative opinions as descriptively aspossible; avoid deflating their opinions.

8. Provide them with a means to save face; dont humiliate them.

9. Be ready to fill the conversation gap yourself.

10. Coping with them when they are alone (one-on-one) is easier.


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The Toady

THE SUPER AGREEABLE ETERNAL OPTIMIST


1. Treat them well and in a positive manner.

2. Give them only the information you want them to know.

3. Understand and appreciate their power and value.

4. Insist that they support their positions with facts and figures and do the same in turn.

5. Ask them to disclose their dislikes.

6. Invite them to disagree with you make it safe for them to do

so.


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The Toady

7. Become a confidant, when possible. Be someone they feel theycan trust.

8. Be ready to negotiate and compromise if open conflict is likely.

9. Ask them to tell you about things that might interfere with yourgood relationship.

10. Listen closely to their humor as there may be hidden messagescontained in it.


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The Skeptic

THE BACKSTABBER, THE NAY SAYER

How to Deal with Them:

1. Disentangle yourself from their web of suspicion.2. Never pass suspicion down.

3. Watch yourself and monitor your reactions carefully.

4. Open dialogue with others to relieve suspicion.5. Dont believe anything they say about you in person or behindyour back.


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The Skeptic

6. Document everything.

7. Be open, honest, and professional and thereforeguiltless.

8. Dont allow yourself to be intimidated or targeted.

9. And remember that the truth, like sunshine, alwayscomes out!


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The Shy and Quiet

THE CLAMS


1. Put yourself in their shoes. Do not mistake shyness for aloofness.2. Use one-to-one and small-group environments to draw them outof their shells.

3. Encourage them to join work-committees and organizations.

4. Develop trust and friendship with this person whenever possible.

5. Help them prepare for tough situations.

6. Ask open-ended questions.


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The Shy and Quiet

7. Wait as calmly as possible for a response.

8. Dont rush to fill in silence with your conversation.

9. Plan enough time to allow you to wait with composure.

10. When they open up, be attentive and watch your ownimpulse to gush.

11. Flow with tangents, they may lead to somethingenlightening.

12. Leave them with food for thought and establish anothermeeting.


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The Overcontroller

THE WATCHDOG, THE DRAGON


1. Free yourself mentally from being suffocated.

2. Know what is happening to you and develop skills to dealwith it.

3. Provide a lot of feedback.

4. Know your own strengths and limitations.

5. Be properly and respectfully assertive in all interactions.


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The Overcontroller

6. Be as proactive as possible (out-think them).

7. Write things down in front of them.

8. Dont argue without supporting evidence.

9. Dont let them entice you into unprofessional behavior.

10. Avoid the temptation to micro-manage them when you getthe chance such passive-aggressive retaliation serves nohealthy purpose.


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1. Make it easy for them to tell you about conflicts orreservations.

2. Listen for indirect words, hesitations, or omissions that mightprovide clues.

3. Help them make a decision by examining the facts.

4. Find out if the problem is you and reassure them it is not.

5. Emphasize the importance of quality work.


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6. Give support after they make a decision.

7. If possible, keep the action steps in your hands.

8. Watch for signs of abrupt anger or withdrawal. Try toremove them from this situation.

9. Maintain some control of important tasks.


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How to Defuse an Angry Person:

Count to 10

React to the issue, not theperson.

Talk, dont shout.

Use privacy.

Listen first, listen completely.

Think and take your time.

Offer a solution.

Use the correct body language.

Dont become angry by proxy.

Dont personalize it.

When its over, let it go.

Move on.


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Listening Skills for Dealing withDifficult People

Purposes of Active Listening

To communicate to the speaker that you value him/her as a person.

To gain an understanding of the speakers experience.

To communicate that understanding to the speaker so that they feelheard and understood.

This can increase a persons comfort, interest, and motivation.


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Attending Behaviors Include

Eye Contact

Posture

Gestures


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Set Yourself Up for Success

Squarely face the person Open your posture

Lean toward the sender

Maintain eye contact Relax while attending.


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Active Listening Techniques

1. Encouraging

2. Re-stating

3. Reflecting4. Summarizing


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Active Listening:

Active listening, as the name suggests, is an active process. Asyou listen to the person speak and watch their facial expressionsand body language, youre actively asking yourself the followingthree questions:

1. What is or was this person feeling?2. What exactly did this person experience?

3. What did this person do?


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Periodically, youre asking yourself a fourth question thatintegrates these:

What is it like to be in his/her shoes?

Whats the essence, the core message, of whats happeningto this person?


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Inaccurate Reflection or Distracting Comments:

1. Changing the topic responses.

2. I know better than you response

3. Judgmental responses.

4. Advising response.

5. Discounting and premature reassurance.6. Psychoanalysis

7. Questions

8. Telling your own story


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Learning More About Solutionsfor Working with Difficult People

These three books may be useful for additional suggestions andsolutions for working with difficult people.

Sandra A. Crowe (1999) . Since Strangling Isn't an Option: Dealing With Difficult People-Common Problems and Uncommon Solutions (1999). Berkley PublishingGroup.

Robert a Cava (2004). Dealing with Difficult People . Firefly Publications.Goleman, Daniel; Boyatzis, Richard; & McKee, Annie (2002). Primal

Leadership: Recognizing the Power of Emotional Intelligence. Harvard BusinessSchool Publishing.


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