3256 el suyo drive san ramon, ca 94583 925-828-3434 e-mail: peter@slgllc.com http:slgllc.com...
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3256 El Suyo Drive San Ramon, CA 94583 925-828-3434 e-mail: peter@SLGLLC.com http:SLGLLC.com
iPowered - Self-management
StonefieldLearning
Group
Your aspirations-our passion.
© 2008 Stonefield Learning Group
Environmental Pressure
Optimal Response
?Survive-Thrive-Evolve
Nutrients
Space / Time Product Lifecycles Knowledge Lifecycle
Globalizatio Innovation / New Knowledge
Technological Organizational
Committees, Matrices, Dotted Lines Role / Relationship Instability
Cross Blurred Boundary Conversations Different – Cultures / Mindsets / Generations
Technical and Social Complexity Rate of Disruptive Change
Chaos – “Commanders”, “Bullies”------“Hiders”
Resistance, Stress, Unproductive Conversations, Conflict, Toxic Behavior
© 2008 Stonefield Learning Group
Peter’s Universal Law of Success- All Living Systems
Sense and Response Agility
Accurate Sensing
Survive, Thrive, EvolveNutrients
Affiliation
Independence
Enhance Fit
Effect Change
Environment Situation Context Opportunity Potential Threats
Effective Responses Agility
Self-manageReactive TendenciesCreate and Manage
Multiple Adaptive Specializations
Law of Requisite Variety: In any system of humans or machines , the element in the system with the greatest variability in it’s behavior will control the system. Ross Ashby
Situational Effectiveness
Law of Requisite Behavior: Cells that organize themselves with the greatest range of effective behavioral responses will not only have the greatest chance of survival but will lead the other cells.
© 2008 Stonefield Learning Group
How Toxic Colleagues Corrode Performance
48% decreased their work effort, 47% decreased their time at work, 38% decreased their work quality, 66% said their performance declined, 80% lost work time worrying about the incident, 63% lost time avoiding the offender, 78% said their commitment to the organization declined.
Harvard Business Review 5/2009
80% of problems encountered by organizations are related to human relationships
© 2008 Stonefield Learning Group
Self-management Problems
How often do people get emotionally upset, frustrated, defensive, angry? How often do people get very critical or judgmental of self or others? How often do people get into unproductive conflict? How often do people get anxious or fearful? How often do old habits or “Success Strategies” limit effectiveness? How often do people have difficulty sustaining motivation when faced with the less
enjoyable aspects of their job? How often people set goals and not follow through? How resilient or adaptive are people when faced with change?
Do you believe there are skills, behaviors, or attitudes, that would cause people to be much more effective? What prevents them from acquiring them?
© 2008 Stonefield Learning Group
Who am I?Collection of “Success Strategies”- Roles / Habits / Adaptive Specializations
Context / Need Satisfiers Challenges Opportunities Big tasks. Need to get it done..
Current Portfolio
“i”
“i”
“Doer”
“Engineer” / “Techy” “Manager”“Subordinate”“Commander”“The Greatest” “Achiever”“Diplomat” “Doubter”“Joker”“Perfectionist”“Father”-”Mother”“Golfer”“Traveler”Defensive Strategies“Judge” / “Victim” / “Fighter”“Justifier”
“i”
We tend to reflexively identify with whatever “success strategy” is associated with the context. We, in effect, “switch heads” with out thinking about it.
© 2008 Stonefield Learning Group
Negative Thought Anger
FrustrationFear/AnxietyAgitationResentment
Confusion Worry
Sense and Response- Reactive Identification Process
We tend to identify with what ever has the greatest pull on our I-ness.
Reactive Stress ResponseFreeze-Fight–Flight
“pebbles”
“Judge” /
“Victim” “Fighter”“Justifier”“Saboteur”“Gossiper”“Complainer”“Protector”
Defensive Strategies
“i”
Outcomes
Ineffectiveness“pebbles”
StressWasted Energy
Lost TimeLost Opportunity
Reinforce DefensiveStrategies
Initial Purpose Intention
Corrupted PurposeIntention
“i”
Sense Response
“i”
Virtually all interaction breakdowns and conflicts are a result of over-identification.
Situation/ThreatDifferent POV/ExpectationDisrespect/Put down/Criticism Defensive Behavior Lack of AcceptanceInconvenienceChange
Symbolic ThreatMy Identity: Who I am Power/Authority Belief/Value Sense of competence Status within the group Self-respect
“Success Strategy”Mindset/PurposeBeliefs
Threat Radar
© 2008 Stonefield Learning Group
Reactive Identification Interpersonal Situations
Situation-Perceived as symbolic threat.
Stress Response Earliest tensions/feelings/thoughts.
“Defensive Strategies”
You are proposing something. Someone says, “this sucks!”
Ugh. Deflated. Disappointment. “Judge” agrees, “it is bad.” “Victim” “Why am I so stupid” Hurt, pain. Oh my God, I better make it up somehow.”
You are making a point. Someone says, “you gotta be kidding me! This is ………”
Stress. Tightening of upper back. Shortness of breath.
“Judge” “He doesn’t know didilly.” “Fighter” Anger-“What the hell do you know?” You’re wrong…I know what I’m talking about.” “Justifier” He is so…Rationalizes anger.
You are reporting …. Your Manager says, “did you not hear me? Were you not at the meeting?”
Contraction in stomach. Anxiety, fear. Thought “how dare you.”
“Fighter” Talks about the person behind their back. Spreads rumors. “Justifier” Rationalizes gossiping. ‘Pebble’
Someone states a different POV.
Felt misunderstood and criticized.Moody.
“Judge” “He deliberately misrepresented what I was trying to say. I have to straighten him out.” “Fighter” “Why did you misrepresent………..?” “Judge” “What a deceptive….!” ‘Pebble’
Manager finds out something won’t be done right or on time.
Anxiety. “Things are out of control.” Anger, clenched jaw, knot in the stomach.
Manager’s “Judge” “You screwed up. I will not tolerate…! The next time this…..!” “Justifier” “Sometimes you just have to kick …” Fear and punishment work.
© 2008 Stonefield Learning Group
Reactive Identification Perceptions in Unproductive Conflict
People tend to identify with defensive strategies “Judge” - “Justifier” in conflicts
and search for causes of their own and others’ behavior.
The “Justifier” attributes the cause of their errant behavior to the context of the
situation. “I walked out because you provoked me”.
The “Judge” attributes the cause of the other party’s behavior to a flaw in personality. “You were late for the meeting because you’re irresponsible”.
We tend to project out responsibility and personalize the problem. This is a major cause of “Pebbles” and sustained unproductive conflict.
“i”
© 2008 Stonefield Learning Group
Triggers/Early Warning Signs (EWS)
All behavioral patterns, overpowering feelings and unproductive stress first show up physically, emotionally and mentally.
Physical Attitudes and Tensions Folded arms, passive or aggressive stances. Tension or tightening of the neck, jaw, stomach, leg or
back muscles as well as shallow breathing and rapid heart rate.
Emotions Irritation, anger, frustration, hurt, fear, guilt, inadequacy, worry, anxiety or avoidance. Shut down,
lose your sense of humor, become numb, tune out and stop listening.
Thinking Procrastination, rationalization, tunnel vision, close-mindedness, thinking in extremes of black and
white, good and bad, all or nothing, right and wrong and then awfulizing an extreme .
© 2008 Stonefield Learning Group
Discover Empower Deeper “I”Awareness and Will
Awareness We don’t have a choice until we see a choice.
Early warning signs of stress responses and defensive strategies. Over identification with any “Success Strategy” or habit.
Hidden assumptions / beliefs. Our purpose or intention in the situation.
Will We can’t choose without the will power to overcome the momentum.
Learn how to dis-identify and identify. Understand / apply stages of the act of will. Leverage skillful will.
© 2008 Stonefield Learning Group
Self-management Discover “I”
We are dominated by everything we become identified with. We can master, direct, and utilize everything from which we dis-identify ourselves. Roberto Assagioli, MD, Psychosynthesis
One of the purposes of all meditative techniques is to give you that ¼ inch of space between you and your “Success Strategies”, thoughts and emotions.
iPower™
AwarenessWill
A system that can see itself and act on what it sees is inherently more effective and agile.
Einstein’s famous words perennially remind us, our problems cannot be solved by the same consciousness that created them in the first place.
© 2008 Stonefield Learning Group
iPower™ CD
iDirect Best PracticePeripheral Sensing/Will Dis-identification/Identification
Agile Learning--Staying one step ahead. Magnetic Learning Best Practice Creative Identification Catalyze Self-organizationAccelerate Learning
iDiscover Best PracticeDiscovering a deeper IPeripheral Sensing / Awareness
Cut and Paste Best PracticesManagingFrustration/AngerAnxiety/Fear
IQ Boosting Music
“i”
© 2008 Stonefield Learning Group
Self-management Awareness – Accurate Sensing
“I” Peripheral Awareness
EWS “Success Strategies” - Habits Perceptions-Thinking Assumptions Beliefs Context - Needs / Purposes in Play
© 2008 Stonefield Learning Group
Will is the inner power to make choices independent of identification, impulse, thought, feeling or desire.
Dis-identification Overcome the momentum of habits, dis-identify and choose. Does not mean ‘getting rid of.’
Manage or change feelings, thoughts, “Defensive Strategies” and “Success Strategies” Manage stress and distractions. Control or reject unnecessary or harmful impulses. Choose the behavior most appropriate to the purpose of the situation .
Stages of the Act of Will.*
Increases motivation and energy. Overcomes laziness and procrastination. Accelerates change and the learning of new “Success Strategies.”
The saying, "We are what we will be," expresses the intimate relationship of the will to the core of human existence.
Purpose Vision Commit Plan Act Learn
*adapted from R. Assagioli’s Act of Will
© 2008 Stonefield Learning Group
Triggers/Early Warning Signs (EWS) Peripheral Awareness
All behavioral patterns, over-identification, overpowering feelings, resistance to change and unproductive stress first show up physically, emotionally and mentally.
Physical Attitudes and Tensions Folded arms, passive or aggressive stances. Tension or tightening of the neck, jaw, stomach, leg or
back muscles as well as shallow breathing and rapid heart rate.
Emotions Irritation, anger, frustration, hurt, fear, guilt, inadequacy, worry, anxiety or avoidance. Shut down,
lose your sense of humor, become numb, tune out and stop listening.
Thinking Procrastination, rationalization, tunnel vision, close-mindedness, thinking in extremes of black and
white, good and bad, all or nothing, right and wrong and then awfulizing an extreme .
iPower™
Peripheral AwarenessSelf-management / Will
Thought
PhysicalAttitude
Feeling
+
© 2008 Stonefield Learning Group
Skillfull Will - CUT and PASTE Energy Follows Attention, Thought and Identification
Sense Early Warning Signs
CUT Thoughts associated with a particular feeling.
PASTE Thoughts Images Physical attitudes Symbol
+iPower™
Peripheral AwarenessSelf-management / Will
The power to think yourself into misery lies within you, but so does the power to think yourself into effectiveness.
Change state of mind and feelings.
© 2008 Stonefield Learning Group
Self-management -Adapting
Accelerate Evolutionary Learning
“There is something called learning at a rather small level of organization. At a much higher gestalt level, learning is called evolution". Gregory Bateson
“The mainspring of creativity appears to be man's tendency to actualize potentialities as the organism forms new relationships to the environment. This tendency may become deeply buried and awaits only the proper conditions to be released and
expressed.” Carl Rogers
“Not much can happen until and unless management changes it’s self-image.” W.E. Deming
Everything organizes around identity.
iPower™
Peripheral AwarenessSelf-management / Will
© 2008 Stonefield Learning Group
Self-management - Create New Adaptive Specializations Vision - Personality as Instrument
Situation Environment Context Pressure Need Satisfiers Threats
Agile Leadership Cluster “Creator”
“Inquirer” “Advocate” “Negotiator” “Delegator” “Coach” “Conflict Manager” “Change Manager” “Talent Scout” “Thought Leader” “Knowledge Manager” “Collaborative Leader” “Systems Thinker”
Law of Requisite Behavior : Cells that organize themselves with the greatest range of effective behavioral responses will not only have the greatest chance of survival but will lead the other cells.
iPower™
© 2008 Stonefield Learning Group
Agile Evolutionary Learning- Create new “Success Strategy” Building Adaptive Capacity
iPower™
Self-organizing Inquiry Natural Creative Process-Image.
Magnetic Learning Identification with image. Role play-architecture, opening lines and scripts. Positive feedback.
Everything organizes around identity.Energy follows attention, thought and identification.
“I”
New Role“Inquirer”
“SuccessStrategies”
Thinking/Feelings
“DefensiveStrategies”
+
© 2008 Stonefield Learning Group
“Inquirer” “Success Strategy”- Adaptive Specialization Self-organization - Magnetic Learning
Everything organizes around identity.
+Reinforcing
QualitiesEmpathic
UnderstandingMindsetSeek to
Understand
Communication Architecture
Language Building Blocks
Role Play
Partial Identity
“Inquirer”
Catalytic Image / Idea
Vision
CharacteristicsInquisitive
“I”Purpose
To Understand
Info
InInfo Out
Context
iPower™
AwarenessWill
Purpose Vision Commit Plan Act Learn
© 2008 Stonefield Learning Group
Inquirer - Mindset / Skills
Purpose: To: accurately Sense or understand the mindsets, problems, needs, opportunities, threats,
purposes and complexities in play. Deploys Leadership Process. Presence.
Relaxed, Focused and Fully Present in the Moment. Reads Body Language. Attentive Listening and Curiosity.
Clarifying Interpretations and Understandings. Understanding a Problem. Clarifying / Exploring Other’s Thinking / Reasoning . Positive Re-framing - Addressing Negative Inferences / Toxic Statements. Addressing Snap-judgments - Facilitating Dis-identification in Others. Confirming Understanding of Agreements. Calming Defensive Behavior in Others. Clearing “Pebbles”.
iPower Define Shared Purpose
Create Shared Vision
Forge Shared Commitments
Design Shared Plan
Lead SynergisticAction
Learn FromOutcomes
© 2008 Stonefield Learning Group
Addressing Negative Inferences Toxic Statements
“Well, John is a difficult person.” “He never makes a decision.” “He is such a bully.” “They are so uncooperative.” “She is such a b-----”
Toxic statements tend to take root and spread like a virus.
© 2008 Stonefield Learning Group
Explore Negative Inferences About OthersToxic Statements
Direction: Approach, language, or opening lines.
Explore negative inferences aboutothers and toxic statements.Clear about your purpose.Check out data that led people tothe inference.
Rather than just accept that inference atface value you may want to inquire.
Carefully restate the meaning whileeliminating the polarizing part of thedeclaration.
Say some more about that and give me an example.
Follow up with:Well, how often have you seen that happen?
Might there be any other possible explanations ofthose specific behaviors?
Might you have a “pebble” in your shoe with….?
“What I hear you saying is that you are deeply concernedabout……..Am I understanding you correctly?”
iPower
Energy and body language speaks louder than words.
Example:Polarizing Statement: “That group is a gene pool that just won't make it! We need fresh blood with the talent to compete in today's markets.”
Restatement: “What I hear you saying is that you are deeply concerned that our current employees may not have the skills and experience to compete. In your opinion, the need is so urgent and the skill gap so great that the only reasonable solution is to bring in fresh talent. Am I understanding you clearly?”
© 2008 Stonefield Learning Group
iPower™ CD
iDirect Best PracticePeripheral Sensing/Will Dis-identification/Identification
Agile Learning--Staying one step ahead. Magnetic Learning Best Practice Creative Identification Catalyze Self-organizationAccelerate Learning
iDiscover Best PracticeDiscovering a deeper IPeripheral Sensing / Awareness
Cut and Paste Best PracticesManagingFrustration/AngerAnxiety/Fear
IQ Boosting Music
“i”
© 2008 Stonefield Learning Group
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