a tribute in roses - irene virag

Gray cloudsmove acrossthe sky, thesun comingand goingbetweenthem. Thewind picks

up, and the rainstorm that hasbeen predicted hovers in theair. But it never comes. Theonly moisture is the hint oftears gathering in CarolO’Neill’s eyes as she walks inher rose garden and remem-bers the lost.The roses grow in two box-

wood-bordered beds, eachabout 45 feet long and 11 feetwide. They are divided by apath of Kelly green grass andlook like tall towers. “I didn’tthink about that, the towers,until I saw the beds,” Carolsays. Her husband, ThomasO’Neill is a founding partner inthe investment banking firm ofSandler O’Neill & Partners,which was located on the 104th

floor of TwoWorld Trade Cen-ter when the Twin Towers fellon Sept. 11, 2001.The attack took the lives of

66 employees and four visi-tors who were in the firm’s of-fices that morning. Peoplewoven into the fabric ofCarol O’Neill’s life, peopleshe knew and a few she nevermet. In the following weeks,Carol put on her black knitsuit, and she and her husband— who was on a business tripon Sept. 11 — went to funeralafter funeral. “I’m sorry, I’mso sorry,” she said over andover again to the bereaved atthe more than 30 services sheattended. She wanted to dosomething that spoke to theheart more than words.“What can I do?” she keptthinking. “What can I do?”Carol is a blond woman in

her 50s with very blue eyesand a manner that invites con-fidences. By her own defini-tion, she is not religious but

she is what she calls spiritual— her church is in her gardenand her own soul. Two daysafter gray dust spread acrossthe earth surrounding the fall-en towers, the idea of a me-morial rose garden came toher. At first, it was tentative,like a seedling bending in thewind. “I remember beingafraid — of somehow offend-ing someone, of my inten-tions not being understood, ofit seeming insignificant.“But then I thought, a garden

is life, a garden is beauty, whenyou have flowers it’s like youcan believe in God.”And so she planted a rose gar-

den. The O’Neills’ elegant grayhouse with black shutters sitson 21/2 acres and includes aswimming pool and a largeporch that looks out on Hun-tington Bay. It is a lifestyleaway from the home in Brent-wood where Carol grew up andthe projects in Astoria whereshe lived before that.

After they moved in nineyears ago, the O’Neills dug upthe tennis court on the front oftheir property and put in alawn. Tom is a habitual golferand Carol — a former socialworker who looked across aroom at Suffolk CommunityCollege in her undergraduatedays and saw a smiling youngman and told her friends “I’mgoing to marry that guy” anddid — spends much of her timegardening and sewing and find-ing joy in her family, which in-cludes three grown daughtersand two grandsons. The coupledecided to plant the new gar-den in the wide expanse oflawn along the hawthorn-linedcobblestone driveway where

Carol O’Neill’s Huntington Bay gardenhonors members of the Sandler O’Neill firm

who lost their lives Sept. 11, 2001

Carol O’Neill’s Huntington Bay gardenhonors members of the Sandler O’Neill firm

who lost their lives Sept. 11, 2001

A tributein rosesA tributein roses

gardens

IRENEVIRAG

NEWSDAY PHOTO / KEN SPENCER

Carol O’Neill, creator of thememorial garden

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the tennis court once was.Last spring, the heavily

amended and composted earthcame alive with 70 rose bushes— their fragrance mixing withthe scent of the nearby sea.There are 12 varieties and allare David Austin English roses,which are bred from old roses,floribundas and hybrid teasand flower through the season.Like soft-pink Kathryn Morleywith cup-shaped blooms andlight-red Sophy’s Rose with ro-sette-shaped flowers. Andwhite Glamis Castle with adainty appearance that beliesits bushy and free-flowering na-ture. Or William Shakespeare,a rose that starts life in velvetycrimson and gradually turns a

rich purple. All are at their bestin June when, Carol says, “thefragrance is unbelievable.”Each rosebush has a lovely

silver tag with a name en-graved on it. “Not the name ofa person but the name of arose,” Carol explains as shebends to remove a yellowingleaf from a plant. “I couldnever come out here otherwise— it would be too overwhelm-ing. What if something hap-pened to the rosebush?”It makes sense that all the

roses in the O’Neill frontlawn are for all of them — forthe people who once filledher husband’s daily life.In different ways and atdifferent times, as shewalks and works in thegarden, Carol loses her-self in the flowers andthe fragranceand inthoughts ofthe lost.“Everytime, it’s adifferent mem-ory, a differ-ent person.Sometimes, it’sjust a certainsmile, a laugh, agesture. The otherday, Timmy Byrne poppedinto my head — what a funny,generous guy.”She sees Timothy Byrne,

who played football for Syra-cuse University and tookover his mother’s mortgageand helped pay a brother’scollege tuition. Who was lastheard from when he calledhis mother and brother inHuntington to tell them hehad just seen a plane crashinto Tower One.She sees her nephew, Peter

O’Neill Jr., who called his par-ents in Amityville twice afterthe first plane hit to tell themnot to worry. He was 21 and hehad started at Sandler O’Neilljust a month and a half beforethe attack. “I can still see Petersitting on the stoop of mymoth-er-in-law’s house the week be-fore 9/11,” his aunt says. “Hehad this far-off expression, juststaring off — I don’t know —into space, into the future. Hehad such a serene look on hisface.”She remembers her hus-

band’s secretary, ChristinaDonovan-Flannery, who was“like a fourth daughter. Her hus-band was devastated. They gotmarried in May.” A weddingphoto of Christine sits on ashelf in the O’Neills’ den. Shehas dark hair and eyes, and shesmiles as if only good thingsare waiting.For Carol O’Neill, they all

live among the roses. ChrisQuackenbush and Herman San-dler, founding partners like herhusband. And Kristy Irvine-Ryan, her oldest daughterMeredith’s best friend fromchildhood. Meredith was teach-ing kindergarten in Harlem.The two young women, alongwith another friend, LouiseRexer, had started a charitycalled Secret Smiles that helpsneedy families.

“I think my daughter andKristy’s husband, Brendan,have put their grief into thischarity,” Carol says.Kristy was to be matron of

honor at Meredith’s weddingthat October. Instead, Meredithgave the eulogy at Kristy’s fu-neral. “Where did she get thestrength?” Carol asks. “My hus-band spoke at some of the fu-nerals; it was so hard for him.He loved these people. Wheredid he get the strength?”Tomwas on a business trip in

Oregon on Sept. 11, 2001. Carolwas on the phone with him

when the second planehit Tower Two. “I thinkabout what if Tom hadbeen there that day —

but I can’t gothere. I don’tletmyself gothere.Wives andchildrengave eulo-gies. Where

did thatstrength come

from?”She is

writingnotes to allthe familiesand inviting

them to visit the garden — theplace where she glimpses theirhusbands and wives and sonsand daughters and fathers andmothers.The path between the rectan-

gular rose beds that resembletwin towers leads to a turn-of-the-century bronze fountain. Aplaque engraved with a NativeAmerican prayer lies in front ofthe fountain. Carol found theprayer years ago. It is about liferemembered. The last threelines are, perhaps, the mostbeautiful.“I am the soft stars that shineat night.Do not think of me as gone —I am with you still — in eachnew dawn”And in the roses that grow in

Carol O’Neill’s garden.

LILife

NEWSDAY PHOTOS / KEN SPENCER

The rose garden — formerly a tennis court that Carol O’Neillhad dug up — was created with help from designer Cindy Kleinfrom Landgarden in Manhattan and Main Street Nursery inHuntington. It features 70 rose bushes and 12 varieties of DavidAustin English roses . Above, a bronze fountain and a plaqueengraved with a Native American prayer accent the grounds.

PHOTO BY WES FREDSELL

Carol O’Neill’s memorial rosegarden is at the HuntingtonBay home she shares withher husband, Thomas O’Neill,a founding partner in SandlerO’Neill & Partners, which lost66 employees on 9/11.

PHOTO BY WES FREDSELL

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