better, faster, easier
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Your screen…two windows open…
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Let’s Get Started!
• Please type into the chat box your answer to:
• What got you to show up for this session, given everything else you could be doing between 7:00– 8:30 pm ET tonight?
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Sara Ismail-Beigi, Jake Jacobs, and Jonathan Thomas MeenachThis material is based on work by Barry Johnson and Polarity Management Associates and Jake Jacobs and Winds of Change Group
A Better, Faster and Easier Way To Get Through Your Day: Large Scale Change Tools and Your Life
April 14, 2010
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Survey Summary – 28 Responses
• 50% Personal Issues / 50% Professional Issues
• 68% “My Problem” / 32% “Others Causing Me Problems”
• 18% Positive Language / 82% Negative Language
Themes
• Not able to make decisions or influence the change I want
• Know what I want but can’t do it
• Not willing to make sacrifice or tough decisions to get it done
• Know what to do but doing something different
• I’ll fix it later….
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Purpose
To make real progress on a real issue in
your real life -- and learn how to do it
again.
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Outcomes
•Ideas for how to get "unstuck" and moving forward in a good direction from a situation that's been frustrating you in your life or work
•Be confident that you will get better, faster and easier results in this same situation
•Have a set of specific tools that will help you get "unstuck" from similar situations in the future
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Assumptions
• The stories we tell have a lot to do with the
lives we live
• If we want to live a different life, we need to tell
a different story
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Getting StartedFour Boxes on a Sheet of Paper / Screen
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My Situation
• Family gatherings that involve food
• Eating too much at these gatherings
• “You look fine”/pants are tight syndrome
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Your Situation What’s Not Working
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Your Situation What’s Not Working
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What Better Looks Like
Your Situation What Better Looks Like
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What Better Looks Like•My enjoying the family gatherings I attend
•Eating a “reasonable” amount of whatever is served
•Feeling good about myself and my choices “after the fact”
Your Situation What Better Looks Like
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What Better Looks Like•My enjoying the family gatherings I attend
•Eating a “reasonable” amount of whatever is served
•Feeling good about myself and my choices “after the fact”
The Story We Tend to Tell
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Your Situation What’s Working
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Your Situation What’s Working
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Concerns About the Future
Your Situation Concerns You Have About the Future
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Concerns About the Future•Aunt Millie won’t be happy
•All family gatherings become dominated by my eating habits
•This is going to be really hard; I’ve never been successful in trying this in the past
Your Situation Concerns You Have About the Future
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Concerns About the Future•Aunt Millie won’t be happy
•All family gatherings become dominated by my eating habits
•This is going to be really hard; I’ve never been successful in trying this in the past
The Story We Tend Not To Tell
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Today’s Story
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Tomorrow’s Story
What Better Looks Like•My enjoying the family gatherings I attend
•Eating a “reasonable” amount of whatever is served
•Feeling good about myself and my choices “after the fact”
Concerns About the FutureConcerns About The Future•Aunt Millie won’t be happy
•All family gatherings become dominated by my eating habits
•This is going to be really hard; I’ve never been successful in trying this in the past
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The Whole Story
Concerns About the Future•Aunt Millie won’t be happy
•All family gatherings become dominated by my eating habits
•This is going to be really hard; I’ve never been successful in trying this in the past
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The Story We Want To Tell
Your Preferred Future is a Combination of the Best of Your Past and Present and a Compelling Picture of Possibilities of Your Future
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Concerns About The Future
What actions can I take to begin creating what better looks like?
3 Specific Actions(What, By When)
Telling the Story We Want To Live
Change happens faster when you think and act as if the future were now as you plan for your future
What actions can I take to gain and maintain what’s already working?
3 Specific Actions(What, By When)
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Concerns About The Future
What actions can I take to begin creating what better looks like?
3 Specific Actions(What, By When)
Telling the Story We Want To Live
Change happens faster when you think and act as if the future were now as you plan for your future
What actions can I take to gain and maintain what’s already working?
3 Specific Actions(What, By When)
•Make sure I get invites to all family gatherings – check for June Family Reunion by 4/30
•Bring the camera – want to make sure we have pictures of the great memories – put camera in briefcase by 4/15
•Call Joe by 4/15 to get advice
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Concerns About The Future
What actions can I take to gain and maintain what’s already working?
3 Specific Actions(What, By When)
Telling the Story We Want To Live
Change happens faster when you think and act as if the future were now as you plan for your future
What actions can I take to begin creating what better looks like?
3 Specific Actions(What, By When)
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Concerns About The Future
What actions can I take to gain and maintain what’s already working?
3 Specific Actions(What, By When)
Telling the Story We Want To Live
Change happens faster when you think and act as if the future were now as you plan for your future
What actions can I take to begin creating what better looks like?
3 Specific Actions(What, By When)
•Drink one bottle of water on my way in the car before each gathering
•Line Cher up to poke me in the ribs if I’m mindlessly eating the chicken wings
•Experiment with pushing 1/3 of my plate of food off to the side
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The Story We Want to Learn From
Concerns About The Future•Aunt Millie won’t be happy
•All family gatherings become dominated by my eating habits
•This is going to be really hard; I’ve never been successful in trying this in the past
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Concerns About The Future Early warnings you’re starting to experience things not working
Problems are always easier to prevent ahead of time instead of finding and fixing after they have happened
Early warnings you’re starting to experience things not working
Telling the Story We Want To Learn From
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Concerns About The Future Early warnings you’re starting to experience things not working
Problems are always easier to prevent ahead of time instead of finding and fixing after they have happened
Early warnings you’re starting to experience things not working
•Getting to the parties without having talked to the host/hostess ahead of time
•Feeling bad about being the only one not getting seconds
•Cher giving me “the look” after poking me several times
Telling the Story We Want To Learn From
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Concerns About The Future•Aunt Millie won’t be happy
•All family gatherings become dominated by my eating habits
•This is going to be really hard; I’ve never been successful in trying this in the past
Problems are always easier to prevent ahead of time instead of finding and fixing after they have happened
Telling the Story We Want To Learn From
Early warnings you’re starting to experience things not working
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Concerns About The Future•Aunt Millie won’t be happy
•All family gatherings become dominated by my eating habits
•This is going to be really hard; I’ve never been successful in trying this in the past
Problems are always easier to prevent ahead of time instead of finding and fixing after they have happened
Telling the Story We Want To Learn From
Early warnings you’re starting to experience things not working
•Feeling depressed as the next family gathering approaches
•The “noise” starting with my Mom and Aunt Millie before I even show up for the party
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My Story
Concerns About The Future•Aunt Millie won’t be happy
•All family gatherings become dominated by my eating habits
•This is going to be really hard; I’ve never been successful in trying this in the past
Early warnings you’re starting to experience things not working
•Feeling depressed as the next family gathering approaches
•The “noise” starting with my Mom and Aunt Millie before I even show up for the party
Early warnings you’re starting to experience things not working
•Getting to the parties without having talked to the host/hostess ahead of time
•Feeling bad about being the only one not getting seconds
•Cher giving me “the look” after poking me several times
What actions can I take to begin creating what better looks like?
3 Specific Actions(What, By When)
•Drink one bottle of water on my way in the car before each gathering
•Line Cher up to poke me in the ribs if I’m mindlessly eating the chicken wings
•Experiment with pushing 1/3 of my plate of food off to the side
What actions can I take to gain and maintain what’s already working?
3 Specific Actions(What, By When)
•Make sure I get invites to all family gatherings – check for June Family Reunion by 4/30
•Bring the camera – want to make sure we have pictures of the great memories – put camera in briefcase by 4/15
•Call Joe by 4/15 to get advice
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My StoryMaking it better, faster and easier
• How can this be better, faster and easier for me and others
• What skills, knowledge and experience do I already have that will
help me in this situation?
• Who else can help and how
• How might I break this up into smaller pieces?
• How might I celebrate small successes and with whom
• If I were to actually have fun in this situation, how might I do that?
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My StoryMaking it better, faster and easier
• How can this be better, faster and easier for me and others
• What skills, knowledge and experience do I already have that will help me in this situation?
• I am good at sticking to plans once I make them. I know some of this is “old stuff” that I don’t
have to buy into anymore
• Who else can help and how
• Cher can do “the poke.” Aunt Millie and Mom can help instead of try and lay guilt on me!
• How might I break this up into smaller pieces?
• Pre, during and after gatherings; First conversation with Aunt Millie
• How might I celebrate small successes and with whom
• Chocolate cake! J/K. Share Aunt Millie talk with Mom. Keep Cher in the loop. Dr. Block at
physical in June
• If I were to actually have fun in this situation, how might I do that?
• Hmmmm…..get together with Joe and tell stories of “Honey, you don’t like my family secret
honey dipped, deep fried chicken wings?”
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Telling The Story I’m Going to Live
• What role are you now playing in your story (doing, saying, how are
you feeling, etc)
• Who else is in your story? (what are they doing, hear them saying,
how are they feeling)
• What results are you achieving (some you may already have been
achieving and new ones that will enable you to succeed in your
situation)
• Giving advice to a friend or colleague facing this same situation in
the future, what three keys would you pass on to them that have
helped you succeed?
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Telling The Story I’m Going to Live
• What role are you now playing in your story (doing, saying, how are you feeling, etc)
• I am the star of my own show. By the time the party has rolled around I’ve got gotten all my
prep done so it’s easy
• Who else is in your story? (what are they doing, hear them saying, how are they feeling)
• Joe and Cher are supporting. Mom and Aunt Millie are “doing no harm”
• What results are you achieving (some you may already have been achieving and new ones that
will enable you to succeed in your situation)
• Not feeling sick to my stomach at the end of the parties (at least not because of the food!)
Able to “Just Say No” which means I can say yes consciously
• Giving advice to a friend or colleague facing this same situation in the future, what three keys
would you pass on to them that have helped you succeed?
1. Plan ahead – set yourself up for success
2. Don’t do it alone – get help from those “on your side.”
3. Confront the tough stuff before it becomes more difficult in the moment
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www.windsofchangegroup.comwww.polaritymanagement.com
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