beyond revision

PRESENTED BY LISA FRASE

A Writer’s Work is Never Done

re•vise – v.

1. The act or process of changing or modifying, as of a book or other written material.

“To revise is to resee, to look at a work, a page, or a text again.” Donald Graves

A Writer’s Work is Never Done

-“When I write I think and put things together. When I’m done writing, I look over it again and write it over again. I change anything I feel like changing.”

Adriana, 4th grader

-”When I write, I make up weird things. I revise and I make sure I don’t have a lot of mistakes. If I don’t have any other ideas I go back to another story. Sometimes I like to go back and reread what I wrote.”

Alexa, 4th grader

-”When I write I think about what I write, but when I write it doesn’t sound right, so I go off and read. Then I put new words in it and it starts to sound right.”

Arleshia, 4th grader

The Secret of Commas

Part I

Use commas in a letter:

Dear Mary,

Sincerely,

The Secret of Commas

Part II

Use a comma in a list of items:

I went to the store to buy

milk, bread, and eggs.

The Secret of Commas

Part III

Don’t use a comma to separate a verb from it’s subject.

I shook my head and sat down on the bed.

(The subject is “I”. The “I” is implied – I sat down on the bed.)

The Secret of Commas

Part IV

Use a comma if listing two or more actions and the subjects are different.

I shook my head, and he sat down.

The Secret of Commas

Part V – Tri-Action Sentences

a. Use a comma if listing two or more actions:

I shook my head, sighed and sat down.

The Secret of Commas

Part V – Tri-Action Sentences

b. Or if you interject (verb phrase).

I shook my head, shocked at what I was

hearing, and sat down.

If there was ever never a was…

He was tall.

She was fast.

It was big.

It was fun.

If there was ever never a was…

He was tall.

How tall was he?

The shadow of the basketball player loomed over the ant of a boy and smiled.

Don’t tell me. Show me.

If there was ever never a was…

She was fast.

How fast was she?

Tyrell ran like the wind.

Don’t tell me. Show me.

If there was ever never a was…

It was big.

What was big?

How big was it?

It was fun.

What was fun?

How fun was it?

Don’t tell me. Show me.

Say It With Less Words

“Shoot the adverbs. Kill the adjectives.”

-Mark Twain.

• Adverbs can be redundant.

• Only weak verbs need adverbs to prop them up.

• Strings of adjectives are unnecessary.

I ran quickly from the room.

Or

I darted from the room.

A strong verb is more effective than a weak verb that has to be propped up by

an adverb.

He stealthily entered the closed art museum.

Or

He stole into the closed art museum.

A strong verb is more effective than a weak verb that has to be propped up by

an adverb.

“Watch out!” he said loudly.

Or

“Watch out!” he yelled.

A strong verb is more effective than a weak verb that has to be propped up by

an adverb.

“I can’t believe it,” she said proudly. “I did it.

I actually did it.”

Or

“I can’t believe it,” she said. I did it. I actually did it.”

Adverbs are often used redundantly in dialogue tags. In this example, the character’s statement shows her pride, so the word “proudly” is unnecessary.

The beautiful lady with the shiny golden blonde hair sat daintily in her seat.

Or

She sat like a queen at a royal ball.

A nice simile or metaphor is much stronger than a sentence loaded with adjectives. Unload and repack.

Everyone Wants a Bonus

• Free journal daily

• Two Stars and a Wish

• Model, model, model

• Read like writers

• Read, read, read

www.lisafrase.com