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Build Your Confidence One

Step at a Time

Lynn Scott

Learning Objectives

At the end of the webinar you will:

▪ Know what confidence is and isn’t

▪ Recognise the limiting beliefs and mindsets that destroy

confidence (yours and those around you)

▪ Learn how to tame your inner critic

▪ Identify strategies to build and maintain confidence levels

Start with the end in mind…..

▪ Complete this sentence – if I had more confidence I would

stop………………and/or start…………………..

▪ Action leads to confidence, not the other way round.

▪ At the end of the webinar I will ask you – what is the first

action you are going to take? Start with one small step.

What is confidence?

My definition:

A belief or feeling that you can do something well and succeed

at something. Even if you don’t know how to do it YET you

trust that you can learn, make a start, experiment and grow.

(And no-one is 100% confident all the time).

Confidence combined with competence and caring is

a potent combination for building trust - particularly

for leaders

‘Confidence is being yourself. Arrogance is telling

others you’re better than they are. Confidence

inspires, arrogance destroys’.

Simon Sinek

Confidence smiles, arrogance smirks

Lack of confidence plays out in different ways.

▪ ‘I don’t have enough time’

▪ Silence

▪ People pleasing

▪ Creative avoidance

Lack of Confidence

▪ How does yours play out?

I’d like more confidence - Where do I

START?

Four Essentials of Confidence Building

1. Understand MINDSET

2. Recognise and change beliefs and stories

3. Make different choices

4. Decide on your first action

Fixed Mindset

Intelligence, ability, talent is fixed.

‘It’s just the way I am’

Downside: We stay stuck. We seek approval for who we are

because ‘this is all I have’

‘Upside’ This mindset keeps us ‘safe’. ‘If I don’t try, I won’t

fail’. Safe from rejection, ridicule, humiliation or whatever else

it is we fear.

Fear

Fight, flight, freeze,

appease

Stops us from accessing

our executive brain where

wisdom, judgement and

good decision making

reside.

Growth Mindset

Effort is valuable.

I have potential.

I know I can accomplish things if I put in the effort.

Mistakes are part of learning.

Mindset Examples (1)

Fixed: I hate networking. I’m no good at it and I’ll

never be any good at it as I’m shy. I’m going to stop

going to networking events

Vs:

Growth: I’m good at building relationships with one or

two people. I can do that at the next event.

Mindset Examples (2)

Fixed: I’m no good at presenting. I’ll get someone

else to do it.

Vs.

Growth: I’m not a great presenter YET. I’m going to

practise and get some feedback.

Mindset Strategies for you:

The word YET is helpful!

I haven’t got it figured out YET.

And my first step will be………..?.

Move towards what you want.

The ‘What if?’ mindset

What if I speak up and get shouted down?

What if I go for that promotion and don’t get it?

What if I give her some feedback and she cries?

The ‘What if?’ mindset

Stops us taking decisions or action.

Taps into our uncertainty.

We don’t KNOW what might happen and yet we FEAR

what might happen.

The brain hates uncertainty so we stay ‘frozen’.

What to do with ‘What if?’

Move towards what you want

Finish the What if? Sentence with a logical solution.

What if I speak up and get shouted down? (I want to

be heard)

If I speak up and get shouted down I will…

The Fixed Mindset and the Inner Critic

Welcome to your Inner

Critic (gremlin/chimp/self

saboteur/negative voice)

What is the purpose of our ‘inner critic’?

What does yours critic say? Some typical

‘inner critic’ scripts

I should/I ought/I must/I can’t

I’m not

I’m only……

Early ‘myths and legends’ swallowed whole!

‘They ‘f**k you up, your Mum and Dad.

They may not mean to, but they do

They fill you with the faults they had

And add some extra, just for you’.

Philip Larkin – This is the Verse

Beliefs or Truth?

Where’s the cold hard evidence for any of this?

Beliefs and stories are rarely ‘The Truth’

Beliefs are thoughts and thoughts can be changed or

‘reframed’

Reframing

▪ Question: How can I have confidence to push my

new service to people, I have no issue talking to

people but struggle with the slightly harder sell

▪ Better question……?

▪ Statement: ‘I hate networking’

▪ Better statement……?

What does your critic look like ?

Can you draw it?

Turn your critic into your best friend –

Meet my inner Amazonian

What beliefs are you noticing now

‘I won’t post a question on the chatbox because………’

‘That won’t work for me, because……’

Don’t judge, just notice.

Stop that thinking in its tracks

Press the Pause Button

Breathe out… and in.

Your ‘moment of choice’– default response or new

response?

This takes practice.

Final Question

What is the first action you are going to take?

For more information please contact

lynn@lynnscottcoaching.co.uk

https://www.facebook.com/groups/effortlessleaders/

For access to my 20 minute masterclass (audio, video and

transcript plus more detailed ‘inner critic’ exercises), please get in

touch. It’s free for a limited time.

www.lynnscottcoaching.co.uk