conflict webinar 2 communication 7 25 12

Welcome toTools and Techniques

for Managing and Resolving Conflict

Amanda MurphyProject and Research Specialist,

The William D. Ruckelshaus CenterExtension Faculty, Washington State University

Phone: (206) 219-2409E-mail:amanda.g.murphy@wsu.edu

www.RuckelshausCenter.wsu.edu

Mission

• Neutral resource for collaborative problem solving• Expertise that improves the availability and quality of

voluntary collaborative approaches. • Help public, private, tribal, non-profit and other

community leaders work together, build consensus and resolve public policy conflicts.

• Advance teaching and research missions of the two universities by bringing real-world policy issues to the academic setting.

Services• Neutral Forum• Situation Assessment• Facilitation, Mediation, Conflict

Resolution• Project Management, Strategic Planning• Applied Research • Information Portal• Training• Policy Discussions

Webinar Series

Session 1: Understanding and Responding to Conflict - July 18, 2012

Session 2: Effective Communication: The basis of conflict resolution - July 25, 2012

Session 3: A Framework for Problem

Solving - August 1, 2012

Where are you located?

What department/area do you work in?

What’s one thing you hope to learn from this session?

What is Conflict?

Definition: A conflict occurs when two or more parties perceive that they have mutually incompatible values, priorities or goals.

Steps to Resolving Conflict

1. Understand the Conflict

2. Create a Positive Atmosphere

3. Develop a Mutual Understanding

4. Problem Solve

Session 2 Objectives• Define Communication

• Introduce Communication and Problem Solving Tool

• Introduce Skills for Communication To Others

• Introduce Skills for Receiving Communication From Others

Think of a time when you had a positive experience communicating with someone.

What was working?

Now think of a time when you had a negative experience communicating with

someone. What wasn't working?

SENDER RECEIVER

MESSAGE

FEEDBACK

DECODE

ENCODEDECODE

What is Communication?

ENCODE

CHANNEL

What Do You See?

Why is Communication Difficult?

“Whenever two people meet there are really six people present. There is each man as he sees himself, each man as the other sees him, and each man as

he really is.” – William James

Communication Roadblocks

• Perceptions• Stereotypes• Gender Differences• Linguistical Styles• Word Choice and Meaning• Hiding Information• Negative Reactions• Sending Solutions• Diverting

Basic Skills of Communication

Communicating TO Others

Receiving Communication FROM Others

Ways To Improve Communication Skills?

• Becoming more aware of our own thinking and reasoning

• Making our thinking and reasoning more visible to others

• Inquiring into others’ thinking and reasoning

Awareness Wheel:Communication & Problem Solving Tool

From: Core Communication: Skills and Processes, Miller, S. and Miller P. 1997, Interpersonal Communication Programs

Communicating To Others:“I” Statements

What meaning does it hold for

you?

How do you feel?

What do you want?

What are you willing

to do?

What do you see and hear?

I OBSERVE I THINKI FEEL

I WANT

I DO

Complete “I” Message INVITATION

Invite the person to join you in a specific conversation.

“Hey John. Id like to talk with you about the grant proposal, is this a good time to talk?”

OBSERVATIONDescribe the facts – what you see, hear, smell, touch, taste.

“When I saw the grant proposal on my desk with the note you left asking I complete it by Friday...”

FEELING Describe how you feel. “I felt overwhelmed...”

THINKING Communicate your thoughts

“Because I think this is an unrealistic timeframe given the amount of information required to complete the proposal...”

WANTS Communicate what you want.

“And I want to ask you to help with the budget pages...”

ACTIONS What you intend to do, did, are doing.

“So that I can focus my attention on writing the rest of the content sections of the proposal, and can submit it before the deadline.”“What are your thoughts on this approach?”

Watch Out For:

• Pejoratives and Over-Generalisations• Shoulds • You Statements• I feel that you... I fell like he/she...• ‘But’. The ‘verbal eraser’• Paraverbal Messages

Receiving Communication From Others

You are going to draw a picture.

Listen to my instructions and draw what you hear.

You may not ask me or others with you any questions.

Is This What You Drew?

What Made This Task Difficult?

Active Listening: Listening to Understand

To gain understanding before moving to action

By helping someone say exactly what he or she really means

On The Road To Conflict Resolution, Listening Is

The Superhighway.

Active Listening Skills

• Be Present• Attend and Acknowledge

• Be Responsive• Ask Questions • Provide Feedback

Be Present

The video you are about to watch is of two teams playing basketball.

Count the number of passes completed by the white team.

Be Present:Attend & Acknowledge

• Give your full attention• Listen and wait to respond• Set aside your own concerns• Listen for information according to the Awareness Wheel• Use verbal and non-verbal acknowledgments

Be Responsive:Ask Questions

• Closed Questions– “Don’t you agree?”

• Open Questions– “In what ways is your view different?”

• Probing– “You mentioned you disagree with…can you

expand on that?”• Why

– “Why don’t you agree?”

Be Responsive:Ask Questions

Draw the Speaker Out

Gain More Information

Refocus the Discussion

Show Respect

Introduce Information

Eighty percent of all questions are statements in disguise.

– Dr. Phil McGraw

“I’d like to hear a little more about that?”

“What led you to that conclusion?”

“What's the problem we are trying to solve?”

“Is there anything else you think I should know that would help me understand your position on this?”

“What would you think if we did…” “Do you see any flaws in my reasoning?”

Be Responsive:Provide Feedback

• Reflect (Paraphrase)– “So, when that incident happened, you felt like….”– “What I think I’m hearing is that you really need….”

• Reframe– Speaker: “He’s a two-faced liar!”– Listener: “You value honesty in human relations.”

• Summarize– Let me share what I think I heard and please correct

me if I am wrong.

Active Listening: Use the Awareness Wheel

What do they think?

What meaning does it hold for them?

How do they feel?

What do they want?

What will they do,

want done?

What did they see, hear?

OBSERVE THINK FEEL

WANT

DO

Attributes of Effective Communication to Resolve Conflict

• Problem Oriented, Not Person Oriented

• Descriptive, Not Evaluative

• Specific, Not General

• Conjunctive, Not Disjunctive

• Validating, Not Demeaning

• Owned, Not Disowned

• Two-Way, Not One-Way

Session Recap

Steps to Resolving Conflict:1. Understand the Conflict• Analyze the conflict situation – what is the cause?• Identify the appropriate conflict resolution style.

2. Create A Positive Atmosphere• CA2RE – neutralize your emotions and the other

person’s emotions3. Develop a Mutual Understanding• Using communication skills to gain information and

understanding.

Next Session

4. Problem Solve• Using the problem solving framework.