conversational intelligence - soa · pdf fileconversational intelligence gives us abilities...

Conversational Intelligence®

Juliann WieseMaster Facilitator

The Creating WE Institute

Our Intersection Actuaries are experts in:

• Evaluating the likelihood of future events—using numbers

and statistics.

• Designing creative ways to reduce the likelihood of

undesirable events.

• Decreasing the impact of undesirable events that do occur.

Conversational Intelligence gives us abilities

in:• Predicting and influencing patterns of interaction.

• Designing patterns of interaction to enable us to strengthen

relationships and business success.

• Decrease the impact of undesirable events by increasing the

power to create and influence positive outcomes with others.

begins with elevating the level of trust that you create with others –and ends with the quality of interactions and conversations that result.

Conversational Intelligence

– Judith E. Glaser

How Good are WE at Conversations?

Rate Your Conversational Intelligence

1 2 3 4 5Not

ImportantWhen I have

Self-aware of my

impact & mindful

everyday

When conversations

are difficult

I am self-aware & I have to work on impact

How often do you pretend to be listening, but you are not internalizing what is being said?

How often do you get into conversations where you really know you are right and are focused on convincing others of your position?

How often do your emotions detract from your ability to listen to what others are saying?

How often do you find others are not understanding what you are saying and you need to tell them over, and over again?

How often do you show concern for others' needs, interests, and aspirations?

How often do you tell the truth about what's really on your mind?

Why Leaders

The brain treats many social threats and rewards with the same intensity as physical threats and rewards (Lieberman, & Eisenberger, 2009).

The capacity to make decisions, solve problems and collaborate with others is generally reduced by a threat response and increased under a reward response (Elliot, 2008).

The threat response is more intense and more common and needs to be carefully minimized in social interactions (Baumeister et al, 2001).

Neurotransmitters, Our 5 Brains & the Conversational Dashboard

Neurotransmitters• These chemicals open us up to connecting in healthy

ways– Dopamine – Oxytocin– Serotonin

• These chemicals mitigate our ability to elevate our C-IQ and close us down from connecting in healthy ways

– Testosterone – Adrenaline – Norepinephrine– Cortisol

5 Brains

Level I Level II Level III

Conversational Intelligence Dashboard™

CortisolOxytocin

PROTECTFightFlightFreezeAppeaseDistrust

PARTNERTrustIntegrityCompassionForesightReality Gaps

Five Mistakes that Lower C-IQ (Influence)

Tell-Sell YellSyndrome

Ignoring Other Perspectives

Addicted to Being Right

Disengaged Listeners

Allow Emotions To Affect Listening

“I-Centric” Behaviors

Activates Cortisol

Ignoring Other Perspectives

Tell-Sell-Yell Syndrome

Addicted to Being Right

Disengaged Listening

Allowing Emotions to Affect Listening

Why is Listening so Hard?

Blind SpotsWe make assumptions

Distrust changes our reality

We can’t empathize when we are fearful

We remember what we think, not what we hear

Meaning resides in the listener

How our Blind Spots are Created

C-IQ In Action

Star Skill #1 Build Rapport

• Warm words

• Handshakes

• Transparency and vulnerability

• Inclusive agenda setting

• Environmental considerations

Star Skill #2 Empathetic Listening

• Listen to connect

• Focus on appreciation

• Explore other’s perspectives

• Listen without judgment

Star Skill #3 Discovery Questions

Are you asking…

Vague open-ended questions, such as “How are you?”

Closed ended questions, such as “Are you going to finish that project?”

Leading questions, such as “Shouldn't you be taking notes on this?”

Questions you know the answer to, such as “How many times have we had this conversation?”

Or are you asking questions that open up others to share and be vulnerable with you?

“When you shared your thoughts about the project I saw you smile about one of the ideas – what were you thinking about? You looked excited!”

Conversation Stoppers and Starters

Versus…What do you find the most stimulating about your job?

What has the weather been like compared to last spring in your hometown?

What articles have you been reading that have caught your interest?

Tell me about the ways you spend your free time on the weekend?

How was your weekend?

Isn’t the weather terrible?

Did you read the HBJ article on data management?

How was your weekend?

Star Skill #4 Reinforcing/Celebrating Success

• Validate common goals

• Focus on the relationship

• Eliminate uncertainty

• Create shared meaning

Transformational Conversations

Shape & Prime Environments

… and it’s

in all human beings

We just need to learn to

understand it and it!

Conversational Intelligence

is the

intelligence for our times.

For More Information Contact:

www.conversationalintelligence.com

www.creatingwe.com

conversational intelligence - soa · pdf fileconversational intelligence gives us abilities...

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