forbidden love, page 2

Jassi had also reached the age where girlslike her become a topic of conversationamong family members looking to find asuitable match.

The family held parties with a decked-out Jassi as the centrepiece while mothersand aunts eyed the crowd.

When the parties wound down, theremarks about potential suitors wouldrange from unimaginable flattery to down-right cruelty.

As the wheels of this age-old culturalpractice turned, the plan for Jassi becameclear.

Her chosen husband would be a man ofthe same, if not higher, caste and socio-economic standing. A man able to furtherconsolidate the family’s wealth and repu-tation.

The hunt for a bridegroom would moveto Punjab, because it was proving unsuc-cessful in Canada.

It was a simple plan, but it had a fatal flaw. Jassi was already in love.

The promise to returnMalkiat Kaur went with her daughter on

the 1995 trip to India.It was a fun-filled holiday for Jassi as she

spent her time linking up with old friendsand cousins in the village where her moth-er was born.

Khosa is a vibrant agricultural hamletdotted with “Immigrate to Canada” signsput up by consultants who help thousandsof locals with visa applications. Most of

them end up in B.C.It was a place where Jassi’s uncles were

prominent leaders and landowners. Theyknew the police and the politicians andeveryone knew them.

Jassi relished her freedom and time awayfrom the watchful eyes of her Canadian fam-ily.

On a shopping trip to Jagroan, she sawthe rugged Mithu.

A cousin played Cupid and the duo met,talked and fell in love.

The few who knew say it was love at firstsight.

Eventually Jassi and her mother had toreturn to Canada. On the day she left, Jassi

swore to return and marry Mithu.“It was so hard to see her go,” recalled

Mithu.

The secret marriageJassi needed time to devise a plan to

break the news to her family. She set up a network of Lower Mainland

addresses and telephone numbers forMithu to call and write.

In the meantime, the family’s shortlist ofcandidates was getting shorter. They hadtheir eyes on a relative in the Punjab.

Jassi’s secret letter drop-offs includedthe beauty salon where she worked, anaddress on Hermon Drive in Vancouverand the home of Debra Logan.

Logan had at one time rented a basementsuite from Jassi’s family.

“She told me about how she had to keepit a secret … She explained about her fam-ily and their culture and how she neededto communicate with him through me …using my address and phone,” said Logan.

Logan said Jassi was fearful of whatwould happen if her family found out.

“She was verymuch in love withhim … It was sopainful for her … Itwas just sad … Shewas something spe-cial,” said Logan.

Jassi had a video-tape of Mithu andshowed it to Logan.

“It is hard to speakabout it now … Shewould be laughingone minute and cry-ing the next … Iwould hug her … Shehad no one in herfamily she could talkto,” said Logan.

In one of her lettersto Mithu, Jassiexpressed her fear ofgetting caught.

“My sweetheart, I miss you very much.But what can I do? I cannot come to Indiayet. I hope I can come in the future. I gotyour two letters, but I could not answerback. I am very sad.

“Dear, please do not write me a letterback to the address I sent you. I almost gotcaught. I will send you a different addresslater on, OK? I will get in very much trou-ble if I get caught.”

In April 1999, Jassi and her mother wenton another bridegroom-hunting trip toIndia. Malkiat Kaur did not know why herdaughter was so excited.

Back in Khosa, Jassi and Mithu madeplans to marry, hoping that this would forceher family to recognize the union.

Accompanied by two of Mithu’s closefriends, they went to the courthouse inBaba Bakala, about two hours from Khosaon the road to the holy city of Amritsar.

There, in front of a court official, Jassiand Mithu were officially married.

Mithu’s family had given their blessings.Jassi’s family knew nothing.

“I know only that they will not allow usto marry because of the difference of pover-ty and richness,” said Mithu. “Jassi alsohad the same feeling — that’s why she and

A11The Province • News A11Sunday, June 10, 2001

S P E C I A L R E P O R T

One of the letters Jassi wrote after she returned to B.C. with her mother,who did not know of the husband Jassi was leaving behind in India.

Jassi (left) in happier days, at a party attended by singer Kuldip Manak (centre).

On their honeymoon, Jassi and Mithu took manysnapshots that spoke of their love for one another.

Continued on Page A12

‘She was verymuch in lovewith him …

It was sopainful for

her … It wasjust sad …

She wassomethingspecial’

— Debra Logan,who helped the

forbidden lovers tocommunicate