frank bidart poems
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Homo Faber
Whatever lies still uncarried from the abyss within
me as I die dies with me.
Borges and I
We fill pre-existing forms and when we fill them we change them and are changed.
The desolating landscape in Borges !Borges and I" #in which the voice of !I" tells us that its other self$
Borges$ is the self who ma%es literature$ who in the process of ma%ing literature falsifies and exaggerates$
while the self that is spea%ing to us now must go on living so that Borges may continue to fashion literature
#is seductive and even oddly comforting$ but$ I thin%$ false.
The voice of this !I" asserts a disparity between its essential self and its worldly second self$ the self who
see%s embodiment through ma%ing things$ through wor%$ who in ma%ing ta%es on something false$
inessential$ inauthentic.
The voice of this !I" tells us that &pino'a understood that everything wishes to continue in its own being$ a
stone wishes to be a stone eternally$ that all !I" wishes is to remain unchanged$ itself.
With its lonely emblematic title$ !Borges and I" seems to be offered as a paradigm for the life of
consciousness$ the life of %nowing and ma%ing$ the life of the writer.
The notion that Fran% has a self that has remained the same and that %nows what it would be if its writing
self did not exist#li%e all assertions about the systems that hold sway beneath the moon$ the opposite of
this seems to me to be true$ as true.
When Borges !I" confesses that Borges falsifies and exaggerates it seems to do so to cast aside falsity and
exaggeration$ to attain an entire candor unobtainable by Borges.
This !I" therefore allows us to enter an inaccessible magic space$ a hitherto inarticulate space of intimacy
and honesty earlier denied us$ where voice$ for the first time$ has replaced silence.
#&weet fiction$ in which bravado and despair bec%on from a cold panache$ in which the protected essential
self suffers flashes of its existence to be immortali'ed by a writing self that is incapable of performing its
actions without mixing our essence with what is false.
Fran% had the illusion$ when he tal%ed to himself in the cliches he used when he tal%ed to himself$ that when
he made his poems he was changed in ma%ing them$ that arriving at the order the poem suddenly arrived at
out of the chaos of the materials the poem let enter itself out of the chaos of life$ consciousness then$ only
then$ could %now itself$ &herloc% Holmes was somebody or something before crac%ing its first case but not
&herloc% Holmes$ act is the crac%ed mirror not only of motive but self$ no other way $ tiny mirror that fails to
focus in small the whole of the great room.
But Fran% had the illusion that his poems also had cruelly replaced his past$ that finally they were all he
%new of it though he %new they were not$ everything else was shards refusing to ma%e a pattern and in any
case he had written about his mother and father until the poems saw as much as he saw and saw more and
he only saw what he saw in the act of ma%ing them.
He had never had a self that wished to continue in its own being$ survival meant ceasing to be what its being
was.
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Fran% had the illusion that though the universe of one of his poems seemed so close to what seemed his
own universe at the second of writing it that he wasnt sure how they differed even though the
paraphernalia often differed$ after he had written it its universe was never exactly his universe$ and so$
soon$ it disgusted him a little$ the mirror was dirty and crac%ed.
&ecretly he was glad it was dirty and crac%ed$ because after he had made a big order$ a boo%$ only when he
had come to despise it a little$ only after he had at last given up the illusion that this was what was$ only
then could he write more.
He felt terror at the prospect of becoming again the person who could find or see or ma%e no mirror$ for
even (livier$ trying to trap the beast who had %illed his father$ when he suavely told Fran% as Fran% listened
to the phonograph long afternoons lying on the bed as a %id$ when (livier told him what art must be$ even
(livier insisted that art is a mirror held up by an artist who himself needs to see something$ held up before a
nature that recoils before it.
We fill pre-existing forms and when we fill them we change them and are changed.
)verything in art is a formal *uestion$ so he tried to do it in prose with much blan% white space.
)xcerpted from +esire, oems by Fran% Bidart. Farar$ &traus and iroux$ //0. 0opyright 1 2334
)llen West B5 F6789 BI+76T
I love sweets$#
heaven
would be dying on a bed of vanilla ice cream ...
But my true self
is thin$ all profile
and effortless gestures$ the sort of blond
elegant girl whose
body is the image of her soul.
#:y doctors tell me I must give up
this ideal;
but I
WI// 8(T ... cannot.
(nly to my husband Im not simply a !case."
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But he is a fool. He married
meat$ and thought it was a wife.
. . .
Why am I a girl<
I as% my doctors$ and they tell me they
dont %now$ that it is =ust !given."
But it has such
implications#;
and sometimes$
I even feel li%e a girl.
. . .
8ow$ at the beginning of )llens thirty-second year$ her physical condition has deteriorated
still further. Her use of laxatives increases beyond measure. )very evening she ta%es sixty to
seventy tablets of a laxative$ with the result that she suffers tortured vomiting at night and
violent diarrhea by day$ often accompanied by a wea%ness of the heart. &he has thinned down
to a s%eleton$ and weighs only 3> pounds.
. . .
7bout five years ago$ I was in a restaurant$
eating alone
with a boo%. I was
not married$ and often did that ...
#Id turn down
dinner invitations$ so I could eat alone;
Id allow myself two pieces of bread$ with
butter$ at the beginning$ and three scoops of
vanilla ice cream$ at the end$#
sitting there alone
with a boo%$ both in the boo%
and out of it$ waited on$ idly
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watching people$#
when an attractive young man
and woman$ both elegantly dressed$
sat next to me.
&he was beautiful#;
with sharp$ clear features$ a good
bone structure#;
if she too% her ma%e-up off
in front of you$ rubbing cold cream
again and again across her s%in$ she still would be
beautiful#
more beautiful.
7nd he$#
I couldnt remember when I had seen a man
so attractive. I didnt %now why. He was almost
a male version
of her$#
I had the sudden$ mad notion that I
wanted to be his lover ...
#Were they married<
were they lovers<
They didnt wear wedding rings.
Their behavior was circumspect. They discussed
politics. They didnt touch ...
#How could I discover<
Then$ when the first course
arrived$ I noticed the way
each held his for% out for the other
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to taste what he had ordered ...
They did this
again and again$ with pleased loo%s$ indulgent
smiles$ for each course$
more than once for each dish#;
much too much for =ust friends ...
#Their behavior somehow sic%ened me;
the way each gladly
put the food the other had offered into his mouth#;
I %new what they were. I %new they slept together.
7n immense depression came over me ...
#I %new I could never
with such ease allow another to put food into my mouth,
happily myself put food into anothers mouth#;
I %new that to become a wife I would have to give up my ideal.
. . .
)ven as a child$
I saw that the !natural" process of aging
is for ones middle to thic%en#ones s%in to blotch;
as happened to my mother.
7nd her mother.
I loathed !8ature."
7t twelve$ panca%es
became the most terrible thought there is ...
I shall defeat !8ature."
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In the hospital$ when they
weigh me$ I wear weights secretly sewn into my belt.
. . .
?anuary 2@. The patient is allowed to eat in her room$ but comes readily with her husband to
afternoon coffee. reviously she had stoutly resisted this on the ground that she did not really
eat but devoured li%e a wild animal. This she demonstrated with utmost realism.... Her
physical examination showed nothing stri%ing. &alivary glands are mar%edly enlarged on both
sides.
?anuary >2. Has been reading Faust again. In her diary$ writes that art is the !mutual
permeation" of the !world of the body" and the !world of the spirit" &ays that her own poems
are !hospital poems ... wea%#without s%ill or perseverance; only managing to beat their
wings softly."
February A. 7gitation$ *uic%ly subsided again. Has attached herself to an elegant$ very thin
female patient. Homo-erotic component stri%ingly evident.
February 2. Cexation$ and torment. &ays that her mind forces her always to thin% of
eating. Feels herself degraded by this. Has entirely$ for the first time in years$ stopped writing
poetry.
. . .
0allas is my favorite singer$ but Ive only
seen her once#;
Ive never forgotten that night ...
#It was in Tosca$ she had long before
lost weight$ her voicehad been$ for years$
deteriorating$ half itself ...
When her career began$ of course$ she was fat$
enormous#; in the early photographs$
sometimes I almost dont recogni'e her ...
The voice too then was enormous#
healthy; robust; subtle; but capable of
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crude effects$ even vulgar$
almost out of
high spirits$ too much health ...
But soon she felt that she must lose weight$#
that all she was trying to express
was obliterated by her body$
buried in flesh#;
abruptly$ within
four months$ she lost at least sixty pounds ...
#The gossip in :ilan was that 0allas
had swallowed a tapeworm.
But of course she hadnt.
The tapeworm
was her soul ...
#How her soul$ uncompromising$
insatiable$must have loved eating the flesh from her bones$
revealing this extraordinarily
mercurial; fragile; masterly creature ...
#But irresistibly$ nothing
stopped there; the huge voice
also began to change, at first$ it simply diminished
in volume$ in si'e$
then the top notes became
shrill$ unreliable#at last$
usually not there at all ...
#8o one %nows why. erhaps her mind$
ravenous$ still insatiable$ sensed
that to struggle with the shreds of a voice
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must ma%e her artistry subtler$ more refined$
more capable of expressing humiliation$
rage$ betrayal ...
#erhaps the opposite. erhaps her spirit
loathed the unending struggle
to embody itself$ to manifest itself$ on a stage whose
mechanics$ and suffocating customs$
seemed expressly designed to annihilate spirit ...
#I %now that in Tosca$ in the second act$
when$ humiliated$ hounded by &carpia$
she sang Cissi darte
#!I lived for art"#
and in torment$ bewilderment$ at the end she as%s$
with a voice reaching
harrowingly for the notes$
!7rt has repaid me /I9) THI&<"
I felt I was watching
autobiography#
an art; s%ill;
virtuosity
miles distant from the usual sopranosathleticism$#
the usual musicians dream
of virtuosity without content ...
#I wonder what she feels$ now$
listening to her recordings.
For they have already$ within a few years$
begun to date ...
Whatever they express
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they express through the style of a decade
and a half#;
a style she helped create ...
#&he must %now that now
she probably would not do a trill in
exactly that way$#
that the whole sound$ atmosphere$
dramaturgy of her recordings
have =ust slightly become those of the past ...
#Is it bitter< +oes her soul
tell her
that she was an idiot ever to thin%
anything
material wholly could satisfy< ...
#erhaps it says, The only way
to escape
the History of &tyles
is not to have a body.
. . .
When I open my eyes in the morning$ my great
mystery
stands before me ...
#I %now that I am intelligent; therefore
the inability not to fear food
day-and-night; this unending hunger
ten minutes after I have eaten ...
a childish
dread of eating; hunger which can have no cause$#
half my mind says that all this
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is demeaning ...
Bread
for days on end
drives all real thought from my brain ...
#Then I thin%$ 8o. The ideal of being thin
conceals the ideal
not to have a body#;
which is 8(T trivial ...
This wish seems now as much a !given" of my existence
as the intolerable
fact that I am dar%-complexioned; big-boned;
and once weighed
one hundred and sixty-five pounds ...
#But then I thin%$ 8o. Thats too simple$#
without a body$ who can%now himself at all<
(nly by
acting; choosing; re=ecting; have I
made myself#
discovered who and what )llen can be ...
#But then again I thin%$ 8(. This I is anterior
to name; gender; action;fashion;
:7TT)6 IT&)/F$#
... trying to stop my hunger with F((+
is li%e trying to appease thirst
with in%.
. . .
:arch DE. 6esult of the consultation, Both gentlemen agree completely with my prognosis and
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doubt any therapeutic usefulness of commitment even more emphatically than I. 7ll three of
us are agreed that it is not a case of obsessional neurosis and not one of manic-depressive
psychosis$ and that no definitely reliable therapy is possible. We therefore resolved to give in
to the patients demand for discharge.
. . .
The train-ride yesterday
was far worse than I expected ...
In our compartment
were ordinary people, a student;
a woman; her child;#
they had ordinary bodies$ pleasant faces;
but I thought
I was surrounded by creatures
with the pathetic$ desperate
desire to be not what they were,#
the student was short$and carried his body as if forcing
it to be taller#;
the woman showed her gums when she smiled$
and often held her
hand up to hide them#;
the childseemed to cry simply because it was
small; a dwarf$ and helpless ...
#I was hungry. I had insisted that my husband
not bring food ...
7fter about thirty minutes$ the woman
peeled an orange
to *uiet the child. &he put a section
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into its mouth#;
immediately it spit it out.
The piece fell to the floor.
#&he pushed it with her foot through the dirt
toward me
several inches.
:y husband saw me staring
down at the piece ...
#I didnt move; how I wanted
to reach out$
and as if invisible
shove it in my mouth#;
my body
became rigid. 7s I stared at him$
I could see him staring
at me$#
then he loo%ed at the student#; at the woman#; then
bac% to me ...
I didnt move.
#7t last$ he bent down$ and
casuallythrew it out the window.
He loo%ed away.
#I got up to leave the compartment$ then
saw his face$#
his eyes
were red;
and I saw
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#Im sure I saw#
disappointment.
. . .
(n the third day of being home she is as if transformed. 7t brea%fast she eats butter and sugar$
at noon she eats so much that#for the first time in thirteen years#she is satisfied by her
food and gets really full. 7t afternoon coffee she eats chocolate creams and )aster eggs. &he
ta%es a wal% with her husband$ reads poems$ listens to recordings$ is in a positively festive
mood$ and all heaviness seems to have fallen away from her. &he writes letters$ the last one a
letter to the fellow patient here to whom she had become so attached. In the evening she ta%es
a lethal dose of poison$ and on the following morning she is dead. !&he loo%ed as she had
never loo%ed in life#calm and happy and peaceful."
. . .
+earest.#I remember how
at eighteen$
on hi%es with friends$ when
they rested$ sitting down to =o%e or tal%$
I circled
around them$ afraid to hi%e ahead alone$
yet afraid to rest
when I was not yet truly thin.
5ou and$ yes$ my husband$#you and he
have by degrees drawn me within the circle;
forced me to sit down at last on the ground.
I am grateful.
But something in me refuses it.
#How eager I have been
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to compromise$ to %ill this refuser$#
but each compromise$ each attempt
to poison an ideal
which often seemed to me sterile and unreal$
heightens my hunger.
I am crippled. I disappoint you.
Will you greet with anger$ or
happiness$
the news which might well reach you
before this letter<
5our )llen.
8(T)&, This poem is based on /udwig Binswangers !+er Fall )llen West$" translated by Werner :. :endel and ?oseph /yons
G)xistence$ Basic Boo%s$ 23A. Binswanger names his patient !)llen West."
Fran% Bidart$ !)llen West" from In the Western 8ight, 0ollected oems 23@-233E. 0opyright 1 233E by Fran% Bidart.
olden &tateB5 F6789 BI+76T
I
To see my father
lying in pin% velvet$ a rosary
twined around his hands$ rouged$
lipstic%ed$ his s%in marble ...
:y mother said$ !He loo%s the way he did
thirty years ago$ the day we got married$#
Im glad I went;
I was afraid, now I can remember himli%e that ..."
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6uth$ your last girlfriend$ who wouldnt sleep with you
or marry$ because you wanted her
to pay half the expenses$ and !His drin%ing
almost drove me cra'y#"
6uth once saw you
staring into a mirror$
in your ubi*uitous %erchief and cowboy hat$
say,
!Why cant I loo% li%e a cowboy<"
5ou left a bag of money; and were
the unhappiest man
I have ever %nown well.
II
Its in many ways
a relief to have you dead.
I have more money.
Ba%ersfield is easier, life isnt so nude$
now that I no longer have toface you each evening, mother is progressing
beautifully in therapy$ I can almost convince myself
a good analyst would have saved you,
for I need to believe$ as
always$ that your pervasive sense of disappointment
proceeded fromtrivial desires, but I fear
that beneath the wish to be a movie star$
cowboy$ empire builder$ all those
cheap desires$ lay
radical disaffection
from the very possibilities
of human life ...
5our wishes were too simple,
or too complex.
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III
I find it difficult to imagine you
in bed$ ma%ing love to a woman ...
By common consensus$ you were a good lover,
and yet$
mother once said, !:arriage would be better
if it werent mixed up with sex ..."
?ust after the divorce$#when I was
about five$#I slept all night with you
in a motel$ and again and again
you begged me
to beg her to come bac% ...
I said nothing; but she went bac%
several times$ again and again
you would go on a binge$ there would beanother woman$
mother would leave ...
5ou always said$
!5our mother is the only woman Ive ever loved."
IC
(h &han%$ dont turn into the lies
of mere$ neat poetry ...
Ive been reading ?ung$ and he says that we can
never get to the bottom
of what is$ or was ...
But why things were as they were
obsesses; I %now that you
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the necessity to contend with you
your helplessness
before yourself$
#has been at the center
of how I thin% my life ...
7nd yet your voice$ raw$
demanding$ dissatisfied$
saying over the telephone,
!How are all those bastards at Harvard<"
remains$ challenging, beyond all the
patterns and paradigms
I use to silence and stop it.
C
I dreamed I had my wish,
#I seemed to see
the conditions of my life$ upona luminous stage, how I could change$
how I could not, the root of necessity$
and choice.
The stage was labelled
!Insight".
The actors there
had no faces$ I cannot remember
the patterns of their actions$ butsimply by watching$
I %new that beneath my feet
the fixed stars
governing my life
had begun to fall$ and melt ...
#Then your face appeared$
laughing at the simplicity of my wish.
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CI
7lmost every day
I ta%e out the letter you wrote me in aris.
... Why<
It was written
the year before you married &hirley; :yrtle$
your girlfriend$ was an ally of mine
because she !too% care of you$"
but you always
made it clear
she was too dumpy and crude to marry ...
In some ways !elegant$"
with a pencil-thin$ neatly clipped moustache$
chiselled$ 6oman nose$ you were
a millionaire
and always pretended
you couldnt afford to go to )urope ...
When I was a child$
you didnt seem to care if I existed.
Ba%ersfield$ 0alif
?uly 3$ 23@2
+ear inon$
&orry I havent wrote to you sooner but glad to hear that you are well and en=oyingaris.
I got your fathers day wire in the hospital where I put in about twelve days but I am very
well now. I *uit the ciggeretts but went through ten days of hell *uitting and my bac% had beengiving me hell.
It had been very hot here but the last few days has been very nice. )mily =ust got out of the
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hospital yesterday. &he had her feet wor%ed on. I guess she will tell you about it. lad to hear
you are learning some French.
We are =ust about through with potatoes. 0rop was very good but no price at all which
made it a poor year. 0attle are cheap too. It loo% li%e a bad year for all farmers.
I dont %now anything else to tell you. Ta%e care of your self and en=oy it. :aybe you will
never have another chance for another trip. I dont thin% Ill ever get the chance to go$ so if you
run into a extra special gal between >A D send her over here to me as all I %now over here
dont amount to mutch. Well I guess Ill close now as I am going over to see )mily.
Hoping to hear from you right away.
This address is JE23 )ton &t. be sure and get it straight. :yrtle would li%e to %now how
much that watch amounts to. /et us %now
Will close now and write soon.
/ove K&han%
.&. )xcuse this writing as its about DE years since I wrote a letter.
CII
How can I say this<
I thin% my psychiatristli%es me, he %nows
the most terrible things Ive done$ every stupidity$
inade*uacy$ aw%wardness$
ignorance$ the mad girl I screwed
because she once again and again
teased and re=ected me$ and whose psychic incompetence
I grimly greeted as an occasion for revenge;
he greets my voice
with an interest$ and regard$ and affection$
which seem to signal Im worth love;
#you finally
forgave me for being your son$ and in the nasty
shambles of your life$ in which you had less and less
occasion for pride$ you were proud
of me$ the first Bidart
who ever got a B.7.; Harvard$ despite
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your distrust$ was the crown;#but the way
you eyed me,
the bewilderment$ unease,
the somehow always
tentative$ suspended =udgment ...
#however much you tried Gand$ clearly$
you did try
you could not rema%e your
taste$ and li%e me, could not rema%e
yourself$ to give me
the grace
needed to loo% in a mirror$ as I often can
now$ with some e*uanimity ...
CIII
When did I begin to substitute
insight$ for prayer< ...
#5ou believed in neither,
but said$ !:y life is over$"
after you had married &hirley$
twenty-five years younger$ with three
small children$ the youngest
six months old; she was unfaithful
within two months$ the marriage was simply
annulled ...7 diabetic$ you didnt
ta%e your insulin when you dran%$ and
almost managed to die
many times ...
5ou punished 6uth
when she went to /os 7ngeles for a wee%end$ by
beginning to drin%; she would return home
either to find you in the hospital$
or in a coma on the floor ...
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The exacerbation
of this seeming necessity
for connection#;
you and mother taught me
theres little thats redemptive or useful
in natural affections ...
I must unlearn; I must believe
you were merely a man
with a character$ and a past#;
you wore them$
unexamined$
li%e a nimbus of
furies
round your
greying$ awesome head ...
IL
What should I have done< In 23@D$you wanted to borrow ten thousand dollars
from me$ so that we could buy cattle
together$ under the name !Bidart and &on$"#
most of your money was tied up
in the increasingly noxious !Bidart Brothers$"
run by your brother$ ?ohnny ...
I said no$that I wanted to use the money
for graduate school; but I thought
if you went on a binge$ and as had happened
before$ simply threw it away ...
The Bidarts agreed
you were not to be trusted; you accepted
my answer$ with an air
of inevitability I was shoc%ed at ...
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I didnt want to see your self-disgust;
#somehow$ your self-congratulation
had eroded more deeply$ much
more deeply$ than even I had wished$#
but for years$ how I had wished ...
I have a friend who says
that he has never felt a conflict
between something deeply wished or desired$
and what he thought was !moral" ...
Father$ such innocence
surely is a %ind of )den#; but$
somehow$ I cant regret that we
are banished from that company#;
in the awareness$ the
history of our contradictions and violence$
insofar as I am !moral" at all$
is the beginning of my moral being.
L
When I began this poem$
to see myself
as a piece of history$ having a past
which shapes$ and informs$ and thus inevitably
limits#
at first this seemed sufficient$ the beginning offreedom ...
The way to approach freedom
was to ac%nowledge necessity,#
I sensed I had to become not merely
a spea%er$ the !eye$" but a character ...
7nd you had to become a character, with a past$
with a set of internal contradictions and necessities
which if I could once define$ would at least
begin to release us from each other ...
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But$ of course$ no such %nowledge is possible;#
as I touch your photographs$ they stare bac% at me
with the da''ling$ impenetrable$ glitter of mere life ...
5ou stand smiling$ at the end of the twenties$
in a suit$ and hat$
cane and spats$ with a collie at your feet$
happy to be handsome$ dashing$ elegant,#
and though I cannot connect this image
with the end of your life$ with the defensive
gnarled would-be cowboy$#
you seem happy at that fact$ happy
to be surprising; un%nowable; unpossessable ...
5ou say its what you always understood by freedom.
23@A-@3.
Fran% Bidart$ !olden &tate" from In the Western 8ight, 0ollected oems 23@-233E. 0opyright 1 233E by Fran% Bidart.
Herbert WhiteB5 F6789 BI+76T
MWhen I hit her on the head$ it was good$
and then I did it to her a couple of times$#
but it was funny$#afterwards$
it was as if somebody else did it...
)verything flat$ without sharpness$ richness or line.
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&till$ I li%ed to drive past the woods where she lay$
tell the old lady and the %ids I had to ta%e a piss$
hop out and do it to her...
The whole buggy of them waiting for me
made me feel good;
but still$ =ust li%e I %new all along$
she didnNt move.
When the body got too discomposed$
INd =ust =ac% off$ letting it fall on her...
#It sounds cra'y$ but I tell you
sometimes it was beautiful#; I donNt %now how
to say it$ but for a minute$ everything was possible#;
and then$
then$#
well$ li%e I said$ she didnNt move, and I saw$
under me$ a little girl was =ust lying there in the mud,
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and I %new I couldnNt have done that$#
somebody else had to have done that$#
standing above her there$
in those ordinary$ shitty leaves...
#(ne time$ I went to see +ad in a motel where he was
staying with a woman; but she was gone;
you could smell the wine in the air; and he started$
real embarrassing$ to cry...
He was still a little drun%$
and he as%ed me to forgive him for
all he hadnNt done#; but$ What the shit<
Who would have wanted to stay with :om< with bastards
not even his own %ids<
I got in the truc%$ and started to drive$
and saw a little girl#
who I pic%ed up$ hit on the head$ and
screwed$ and screwed$ and screwed$ and screwed$ then
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buried$
in the garden of the motel...
#5ou see$ ever since I was a %id I wanted
to feel things ma%e sense, I remember
loo%ing out the window of my room bac% home$#
and being almost suffocated by the asphalt;
and grass; and trees; and glass;
=ust there$ =ust there$ doing nothing
not saying anything filling me up#
but also being a wall; dead$ and stopping me;
#how I wanted to see beneath it$ cut
beneath it$ and ma%e it
somehow$ come alive...
The salt of the earth;
:om once said$ N:anNs spun% is the salt of the earth...N
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#That night$ at that Twenty-nine alms :otel
I had passed a million times on the road$ everything
fit together; was alright;
it seemed li%e
everything had to be there$ li%e I had spent years
trying$ and at last finally finished drawing this
huge circle...
#But then$ suddenly I %new
somebody else did it$ some bastard
had hurt a little girl#; the motel
I could see again$ it had been
itself all the time$ a lousy
pile of bric%s$ plaster$ that didnNt seem to
have to be there$#but was$ =ust by chance...
#(nce$ on the farm$ when I was a %id$
I was screwing a goat; and the rope around his nec%
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when he tried to get away
pulled tight;#and =ust when I came$
he died...
I came bac% the next day; =ac%ed off over his body;
but it didnNt do any good...
:om once said,
N:anNs spun% is the salt of the earth$ and grows %ids.N
I tried so hard to come; more pain than anything else;
but didnNt do any good...
#7bout six months ago$ I heard +ad remarried$
so I drove over to 0onnecticut to see him and see
if he was happy.
&he was twenty-five years younger than him,
she had lots of little %ids$ and I donNt %now why$
I felt sha%y...
I stopped in front of the address; and
snuc% up to the window to loo% in...
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#There he was$ a %id
six months old on his lap$ laughing
and bouncing the %id$ happy in his old age
to play the papa after years of sleeping around$#
it twisted me up...
To thin% that what he wouldnNt give me$
he wanted to give them...
I could have %illed the bastard...
#8aturally$ I =ust got right bac% in the car$
and believe me$ was determined$ determined$
to head straight for home...
but the more I drove$
I %ept thin%ing about getting a girl$
and the more I thought I shouldnNt do it$
the more I had to#
I saw her coming out of the movies$
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saw she was alone$ and
%ept circling the bloc%s as she wal%ed along them$
saying$ N5ouNre going to leave her alone.N
N5ouNre going to leave her alone.N
#The woods were scary
7s the seasons changed$ and you saw more and more
of the s%ull show through$ the nights became clearer$
and the buds$#erect$ li%e nipples...
#But then$ one night$
nothing wor%ed...
8othing in the s%y
would blur li%e I wanted it to;
and I couldnNt$ couldnNt$
get it to seem to me
that somebody else did it...
I tried$ and tried$ but there was =ust me there$
and her$ and the sharp trees
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saying$ NThatNs you standing there.
5ouNre...
=ust you.N
I hope I fry.
#Hell came when I saw
:5&)/F...
and couldnNt stand
what I see...M
6eprinted by permission of Farrar$ &traus and iroux$ //0,
MHerbert WhiteM from I8 TH) W)&T)68 8IHT, 0(//)0T)+ ():& 23@-233E by Fran% Bidart. 0opyright 1 233E
If &ee 8o )nd In IsB5 F6789 BI+76T
What none %nows is when$ not if.
8ow that your life nears its end
when you turn bac% what you see
is ruin. 5ou thin%$ It is a prison. 8o$
it is a vast resonating chamber in
which each thing you say or do is
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new$ but the same. What none %nows is
how to change. )ach plateau you reach$ if
single$ limited$ only itself$ in-
cludes traces of all the others$ so that in the end
limitation frees you$ there is no
end$ if you once see what is there to see.
5ou cannot see what is there to seeP#
not when she whose love you failed is
standing next to you. Then$ as if refusing the %now-
ledge that life unseparated from her is death$ as if
again scorning your refusals$ she turns away. The end
achieved by the unappeased is burial within.
Familiar spirit$ within whose care I grew$ within
whose disappointment I twist$ may we at last see
by what necessity the double-bind is in the end
the figure for human life$ why what we love is
precluded always by something else we love$ as if
each no we spea% is yes$ each yes no.
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The prospect is mixed but elsewhere the forecast is no
better. The eyrie where you perch in
exhaustion has food and is out of the wind$ if
cold. 5ou feel old$ young$ old$ young, you scan the sea
for movement$ though the promise of sex or food is
the prospect that bewildered you to this end.
&omething in you believes that it is not the end.
When you wa%e$ sixth grade will start. The finite you %now
you fear is infinite, even at eleven$ what you love is
what you should not love$ which endless bullies in-
tuit unerringly. The future will be different, you cannot see
the end. What none %nows is when$ not if.
In :emory of ?oe BrainardB5 F6789 BI+76T
the remnant of a vast$ oceanic
bruise Gwound delivered early and long ago
was in you purity and
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sweetness self-gathered$ 0H(&)8
Q
When I tried to find words for the moral sense that unifies
and sweetens the country voices in your collage The Friendly Way$
you said ItNs a code.
5ou were a code
I yearned to decipher.#
In the end$ the plague that full swift runs by
too% you$ bro%e you;#
in the end$ could not
ta%e you$ did not brea% you#
you had somehow erased within you not only
meanness$ but anger$ the desire to punish
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the universe for everything
not achieved$ not tasted$ seen again$ touched#;
. . . the undecipherable
code unbro%en even as the soul
learns once again the body it loves and hates is
made of earth$ and will betray it.
oem )nding with a &entence by Heath /edgerB5 F6789 BI+76T
)ach grinding flattened 7merican vowel smashed to
centerlessness$ his glee that whatever long ago mutilated his
mouth$ he has mastered to mutilate
you, the ?o%erNs voice$ so unli%e
the bruised$ withheld$ wounded voice of )nnis +el :ar.
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(nce I have the voice
thatNs
the line
and at
the end
of the line
is a hoo%
and attached
to that
is the soul.
Fran% Bidart$ Moem )nding with a &entence by Heath /edgerM from :etaphysical +og. 0opyright 1 >E2D
&elf-ortrait$ 23@3
B5 F6789 BI+76T
HeNs still young#; thirty$ but loo%s younger#
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or does he< . . . In the eyes and chee%s$ tonight$
turning in the mirror$ he saw his mother$#
puffy; angry; bewildered . . . :any nights
now$ when he stares there$ he gets angry,#
something unfulfilled there$ something dead
to what he once thought he surely could be#
8ow$ =ust the glamour of habits . . .
(nce$ instead$
he thought insight would rema%e him$ heNd reach
#what< The thrill$ the exhilaration
unravelling disaster$ that seemed to teach
necessary %nowledge . . . became =ust =argon.
&ic% of being decent$ he craves another
crash. What reaches him except disaster<
Fran% Bidart$ M&elf-ortrait$ 23@3M from In the Western 8ight, 0ollected oems 23@-233E. 0opyright 1 2334
&tan'as )nding with the &ame Two WordsB5 F6789 BI+76T
7t first I felt shame because I had entered
through the door mar%ed 5our +eath.
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8ot a valuable word written
unsteeped in your death.
5ou are the ruin whose arm encircles the young woman
at the posthumous bar$ before your death.
The grass is still hungry
above you$ fed by your death.
9ill whatever %illed your father$ your life
turning to me again said before your death.
Hard to grow old still hungry.
5ou were still hungry at your death.
Fran% Bidart$ M&tan'as )nding with the &ame Two WordsM from &tar +ust. 0opyright 1 >EE
The Fourth Hour of the 8ight B5 F6789 BI+76T
I
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(ut of scarcity$#
... being.
Because$ when you were nine$ your father
was murdered$
betrayed.
Because the traveler was betrayed by those with
whom he had the right to see%
refuge$ the TatRrs.
Because the universe then allowed a creature
stronger$ taller$ more
ruthless than you
to fasten around your nec% a thic% wooden wheel
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impossible
to throw off.
Because at nine your cunning was not e*ual
to iron-fastened
immense wood.
Because$ stripped of what was his from birth$ the slave
at ten
outwitted
the universe$ tore the wheel from his nec%, #
because your nec%
carries it still$ &carcity is the mother of being.
Q
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Hour in which betrayal and slavery
are the great teachers.
Hour in which ac*uisition
loo%s li%e$ and for
a moment is$ safety.
Hour in which the earth$ loo%ing into
a mirror$ names what it sees
by the history of weapons.
Hour from which I cannot wa%e.
II
0hang-chun was determined that he would not
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prostrate himself before
the con*ueror of the world
though 7lexander the reat$ drun%$ had
executed 7ristotles nephew when he refused
to grovel before his uncles pupil.
Q
0hang-chun bowed his head with clasped
hands. The reat 9han was gracious.
Though 0hang-chun$ much younger$
had refused invitations from the 9ing of old
and even the emperor of Hang-chou$ now$
in his old age$ he discovered he was
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tired of waiting for apotheosis.
7t last invited to court by the terrifying
con*ueror of the world$ he said 5es.
Q
He traveled for a year and a half
following the route the reat 9han
himself had ta%en. He passed valley after valley
that$ years later$ still were filled with
ungathered$ whitening bones.
Q
He bowed his head with clasped hands.
The most powerful man on earth
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then as%ed him to teach him the secret
of the Taoist mastersP#
the elixir
that allows men to cheat death.
Temu=in was in pain. Temu=in
for fifty years lived as if immortalP#
though surrounded$ all his life$ by death.
8ow he had fallen from a horse. The in=ury
had not entirely$ after much
time$ healed. He brooded about death$ his
death. 8ow he must con*uer the ancient
secret
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that would bend
heaven to his need.
He as%ed 0hang-chun for the fabled
elixir.
III
The world. He was born at the great worlds
poor far edge. In order to see the rich
debris that must lie at the bottom of the sea$
he suc%ed and suc%ed till he swallowed
the ocean.
Q
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Buddhists$ Taoists$ :uslims$ 8estoriansP#
he summoned
each. )ach elo*uent spo%esman
praised abnegations$ offered transformation$ even
ecstasiesP#; =ust renounce
sex$ or food$ or love.
Q
)ating power$ he fuc%ed a new woman every night.
Best$ he said$ was the wife or daughter or mother of
an enemy.
Q
He watched his friend Boorchu hunt
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each day as if hunting were the purpose of life$ wor%
sufficient for a man. 7s a boy he discovered his
wor% when he had a wooden wheel around his nec%,
to escape the wheel.
)very single thing tastes li%e$ ree%s with
the power that put it there. Weapons
%eep in place
who gets rewarded how much for what. The world
Q
is good at telling itself this is a lie. The world.
IC
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)ach unit made up of
ten, ten soldiers
whose leader reports to a unit of one
hundred soldiers$ whose leader reports to a unit of one
thousand soldiers$ whose leader reports to a unit of
ten thousand.
With iron logic he had raised the great structure
from the flat
internecine earth
G#Pabyss where absolute$ necessary
power
is fettered$ bewildered by something wor%ing within us$
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:S+ I8 TH) C)I8&$ to paraly'e
decisionP#; as well as by that necessary
sweet daring
that leaps across the abyss to ris% all$ to correct and cripple
power$ #P
... but then finds$ in despair$ it must try to master it.
C
Though Temu=ins father$ alive$ was
%han
the remnant of his family was$ at his
poisoning$ driven from the circle of the wagons.
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Temu=in
had shining eyes$ but at nine no force.
They survived by eating roots$ berries$ stray
rodents$ birds the boys
cunning pulled from the air.
Q
Temu=ins father out of his mother had two sons.
His poisoned
father$ out of his second wife$ also had two sons.
Q
(ne day$ with a freshly sharpened =uniper
arrow$ he brought down a lar%$ and his
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half-brother$ Be%ter$ nearly his age$
reaching the bird first$ refused to give it up.
Temu=in ran to his mother$ who told him he must
accept this$ that four boys with two
women alone must cease fighting.
With his bow and arrow$ the next day Temu=in
murdered his half-brother.
Q
His half-brother at each moment relentlessly
disputed and clearly forever would
dispute everything Temu=in possessed.
Q
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When he confessed to his mother she shrie%ed
only his shadow
ever again could bear to be with him.
He didnt believe her. &he lived
blinded by panic. He loo%ed
around him. Human beings
live by %illing other living beings.
Q
His fathers rival$ who told his father that Temu=in
had shining eyes$ when his father
died decided he now could ma%e Temu=in a slave.
Temu=in rammed
the wheel down on the idiot guards
s%ull.
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&or*an-shira and his sons found him
drowning among
reeds at the edge of the river.
Fren'ied$ ris%ing their
lives$ &or*an-shira and his sons
wor% to cut away the wheel from his body.
Q
The arrow flew
as if of itself.
Temu=ins half-brother turned and saw
Temu=ins unerring aim
aimed at
his chest.
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Before the arrow
was released
his half-brother did not beg to live.
His half-brothers
ga'e was filled with
everything that would happen would happen.
Q
In the delirium of Temu=ins adult
dreams$ the %nife he stole
escaping
is useless
in unloc%ing
the wheel.
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Q
How each child finds that it must deal with
the intolerable
becomes its fate.
Q
W ( 6 / +
with this 7 6 6 ( W
I thee wed.
CI
)ven the con*ueror of the world
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is powerless against the dead.
The most intricate plan his friend ?amu*a
ever accomplished
was to ma%e Temu=in execute him.
Q
They met as boys.
By the fro'en waters of the (non$ Temu=in
gave ?amu*a the %nuc%lebone of a deer.
?amu*a gave Temu=in the %nuc%lebone of a deer.
They could see their breaths. They mingled
breaths. They swore they were anda$
brothers. They sharpened arrowsP#P=uniper$ cypress.
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Q
When they met again$ many years
later$ Temu=ins
wife$ Borte$ had been sei'ed by another tribe.
?amu*a commanded a whole tribe. He
pledged his friend twenty thousand men.
Temu=in also by this time was chief$ but of
many fewer. The two friends and two armies
found and freed Borte after nine months.
The anda celebrated by the waters of the (non.
Q
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They were too drun%$ too happy. ?amu*a
pulled a blan%et over himself and Temu=in.
They lay all night under the same blan%et.
Q
For either to have expressed desire$ to have
reached$ would have been to offer the ob=ect of desire
power. It could not be done.
Q
?amu*a forever wants them to
do it to them
together$ in tandem$ two couples next to
each otherP#; so Temu=in can and must
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loo% over and see his insouciant
bravado as he dismounts$ hear ?amu*as
girl cry out first$ more =aggedly.
Q
When the chiefs gather to choose$ for
the first time in decades$ a reat 9han$
to ?amu*as surprise
Temu=in is chosen. &omeone points out
his family is royalP#; ?amu*a
is merely descended from a favorite concubine.
Q
7t feasts$ ?amu*a thin%s supplicants
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shuffle him aside to reach Temu=in.
7s the world more and more defers to Temu=in
?amu*a becomes$ in his own eyes$ a ghost.
He is the memory of ?amu*a.
Q
In the new army under Temu=in$ aristocracy has
few privileges. 7 friend who has fought under
?amu*a for years must$ to rise$ compete
against peasants. anache$ the sweet disdain for
mere conse*uences$ gain$ victory$ is lost.
Q
:any$ li%e the tribe that tried to enslave him$ will
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never accept Temu=in.
Whenever a new group rebels$ Temu=in finds
?amu*a is in their company.
Q
:en dont want to serve under ?amu*aP#P
because his friend would not fight against
the reat 9han$ he cut off the friends head$ and hung it
from his horses tail.
Q
?amu*a =oined the 8ayman army;
?amu*a deserted the 8ayman army.
Q
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7n outcast with five last remaining
followers$ ?amu*a
in the high snowy Tangu mountains
at the very limit of his native country
as he eats a wild ram he has %illed and roasted
is ta%en prisoner by his companions
and delivered to Temu=in.
CII
5our father sei'ed your mother as a girl
=ust after her
marriage to someone from her own tribe. This was
common practice. ?ust after
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your marriage$ the same tribe
sei'ed your wife$ and gave her to the brother of the chief.
7ll proceeded from desireP#Pfrom
deferred =ustice$ the chancre of unclosed
in=ury. This bred
enmity through generation after generation$ blood
feuds$ tribe against tribe against tribe.
7s the reat 9han$ Temu=in outlawed such
sei'ures. He did What was there to be done.
Q
The axes of your wor%$ wor% that
throughout the illusory chaos of your life
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absorbed your essential
mind$ were there alwaysP#PWhat was
there to be done. 5ou saw many men
refuse$ or try to refuse
what needed to be done. Whether they could not
find it$ or were$ finding it$ disgusted$ they
without it wandered$ li%e ?amu*a.
Q
When Temu=in entered the dar% room the prisoner
was na%ed.
His genitals hung pendant$ bulbousP#P
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as if swollen
from rubbing.
He still is a creature that is beautiful$ but all dirty.
Q
?amu*a said$ What you must do is %ill me.
I will never accede to your power.
7live$ I will rally your enemies.
+ead$ I will$ in their eyes$ =ust be one more fool.
Temu=in replied that he
could not. They had been$ since boyhood$
anda. Without him$ would he have recovered
Borte<
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?amu*a replied that he did not want his s%in
bro%en during
execution. He repeated$ twice$
I will never accede to your power.
Temu=in refused. ?amu*a was
sic% in the head. Healthy men dont want to die.
Q
?amu*a escaped. Two men who Temu=in valued
died bringing him bac%.
Then ?amu*a escaped again. When ?amu*a was
returned again$ Temu=in
hesitated for months.
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Then he granted his wish.
Q
He insisted the s%in not be bro%en.
When he saw the body$ the head was severed$
as if someone for some reason had been
furious.
Q
Temu=in was furious with him for letting
pride$ some
sic%ness of the mind$ poison
feeling$#P
... they had been$ since boyhood$ anda.
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Q
)ven the con*ueror of the world
is powerless against the dead.
He saw$ smelt
the carcass of
?amu*a$#P
... who had %nown that Temu=in was too
smart not to be$ by his
death$ forever tormented.
Q
He watched you ta%e from him what he thought was
hisP#Pthe world of indolent chaos
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inhabited by the beautiful
and luc%yP#P
fuc% anything that wal%s$ if that is whatever inside you
demands. In the end the something
that was bro%en in him was mute.
He insisted that it did not exist.
CIII
There was an immense silence between Temu=in and Borte.
Q
In the beginning$ sweetness$ because there had been no need to tal%.
Q
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Temu=ins father had ta%en him at nine on a =ourney to find Temu=in a bride.
Q
&he was ten$ and beautiful.
Q
His father and her father were old allies$ and it was agreed.
Q
(n the way home the TatRrs poisoned his father.
Q
Temu=in was sixteen when they were at last married.
Q
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Within days$ Borte was abducted.
Q
Borte was abducted because$ when their camp was attac%ed$ there was only one free horse.
Q
Temu=in thrust the horse at his mother$ not his wife.
Q
This was as it should be.
Q
Borte %new this$ accepted this.
Q
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When she returned from those who had sei'ed her$ she returned about to give birth.
Q
Temu=in did not as% what humiliations she had endured.
Q
Whose child was it<
Q
It could have been Temu=ins or the creatures who too% her.
Q
Temu=in declared the child$ a son$ his.
Q
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He needed to be perceived$ among his own people$ as someone of impeccable =ustice.
Q
&omeone whose rectitude is above vanity.
Q
They had three more sons.
Q
He needed legitimate sons.
Q
Borte raised$ as well$ orphans that Temu=ins soldiers pluc%ed from burning villages that they
themselves had burned.
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Q
Those thus saved proved to be among the fiercest$ the most loyal of his soldiers.
Q
7fter Borte returned$ the armies of Temu=in and ?amu*a camped together for a year and a half.
Q
Borte and Temu=ins mother found the closeness between the two men humiliating$ an insult$
an embarrassment.
Q
Borte and Temu=ins mother told Temu=in that as long as he was tied to this debauched$ fic%le
friendship$ the other chiefs never would choose Temu=in as the reat 9han.
Q
It was the first month of spring.
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Q
The two armies had to move off to fresh gra'ing.
Q
Temu=in$ furious$ listened to the two women as if he were a statue.
Q
He heard ?amu*a say that camp pitched on the slopes of the mountain gave the herders of
horses what they wanted$ but camp pitched on the ban%s of the river was better for the
herders of sheep.
Q
The women said that when night fell and ?amu*as wagon stopped to pitch camp Temu=ins
wagon should continue.
Q
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Temu=ins wagon as ?amu*as wagon stopped to pitch camp on a mountainside continued.
Q
7s the night passed the clans reali'ed what was happening$ and$ frightened$ debated to stop
with ?amu*a or stop with Temu=in.
Q
&chisms within a tribe$ even sometimes within a clan.
Q
(ne shaman dreamt that a cow white as snow struc% at ?amu*as wagon until it bro%e one of
its horns$ bellowing that ?amu*a had to give bac% its lost horn$ stri%ing the ground with its
hoof.
Q
The shaman dreamt that a white bull followed Temu=ins wagon bellowing that Heaven and
)arth have decided the empire should be Temu=ins.
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Q
When Temu=in heard this he promised the shaman thirty concubines.
Q
7s day bro%e and Temu=in at last stopped$ count could be ta%en of which clans followed
Temu=in and which stopped with ?amu*a.
Q
Temu=in camped near the sources of the (non.
Q
The clans who had chosen Temu=in in the disorder and uncertainty of the night now were
=oined by others.
Q
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They had weighed the situation.
Q
Temu=in was famous for the care and probity of his decisions.
Q
The princes of the royal blood =oined Temu=in.
Q
:any days passed before Temu=in loo%ed directly at Borte when they spo%e.
Q
&he was the vehicle of necessity.
Q
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(f what had to be.
Q
He would not forgive her.
Q
In time$ he lost interest in forgiving her.
Q
When he returned from his last long campaign which lasted eight unbro%en years$ he was
grateful she did not as% about each nights new woman.
Q
In time$ near the sources of the (non the princes of the royal blood elected Temu=in reat
9han.
Q
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Fame clung to the story of how he saved the beautiful Borte.
Q
The irony was not lost on Borte that as :other of (rphans she was married to the force that
made them orphans.
IL
(nly at the age of thirty-nine Temu=in
at last was master of all :ongolia.
The emissaries of the 9ings of old
had played tribe against tribe
all his life$ to castrate them.
To achieve unity$ to achieve the empire
essential to maintain unity
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half the tribes had to be massacred.
Q
The TatRrs %illed his father$ then after
subduing them$ followed by their unending
involuted betrayals and rebellions$
Temu=in without
sorrow exterminated them.
)very male standing higher than a wagon axle
was %illed;
the rest enslaved.
Q
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)xtermination
is not a *uestion of vengeance. It is a *uestion of
safety. (f not allowing what happened to happen.
Q
Snder Temu=in$ the :ongols crossed the reat Wall
that the 9ingdom of old over centuries
built to contain them.
Before them$ the lush$ cultivated great plain
stretched five hundred miles$#
... from Bei=ing to 8an%ing.
Q
Between the :ongols and the 9ings of old
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lay a trench of
blood$ inexpiable wrongs.
Fifty years earlier$ betraying TatRrs handed off
the :ongol %han 7mba*ay
to Bei=ings
9ing of old$P#P
... who impaled him on a wooden ass.
Q
Temu=in drummed into his troops past atrocities.
7fter they too% Huai-lai$ the ground for some ten miles
around was for years still strewn with human bones.
Q
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The full fury of the :ongols was reserved
for the great cities of Islam.
Their &ultan had twice murdered Temu=ins emissariesP#P
what rose in Temu=in was the rage to annihilate
not =ust the civili'ation that
insulted him$ but what made it possible ...
In the end$ there was little left for his tax collectors
in the future to tax.
This was a world everywhere on the edge of desertP#P
the :ongols in fury dismantled the intricate
networ%s that preserved and gathered and channeled
water. Without dams$ without the multitudinous
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screens of trees that were the handiwor% of centuries$
for &amar%and$ for the cities of &chehera'ade$
not =ust defeat$ but dismemberment.
Q
8ightmare from which not even the rich awo%e.
Q
......................... &tonewor%
of hive-li%e
intrication$ its hard
face airy as lace$
indifferent hooves erased to sand.
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L
0hang-chun thought if he answered honestly
he would be executed.
He as%ed Temu=in
to tell him Temu=ins story.
The reat 9han$ to his own surprise$ wasnt
offended. He li%ed the earnest old man.
&ei'ed$ suddenly absorbed$ with relish
he began to tell the old man his
story$ omitting nothing he imagined essential.
The Taoist master at last answered that there exists
no elixir for eternal life.
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He told him that the largest s*uare
has no corners.
He told him that they go east and west at
the will of the wind$ so that in the end
they %now not if the wind carries them
or they the wind.
But as Temu=in listened to his own voice tell
his story$ the lineaments of his story$ this
is what he heard,P#P
Because you could not master whatever
enmeshed you
you became its slaveP#P
5ou learned this bitterly$ early.
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In order not to become its slave
you had to become its master.
5ou became
its master.
)ven as master$ of course$ you remain its slave.
Q
7 & H. What yesterday was the loc%step
logic of his every
position$ purity in which he too% =ust
pride$ cunning
solutions to what the universe thrust at him
appeared to him now ash$ not
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his$ or$ if
his$ not his.
Q
Too often now he wo%e with his mouth
gasping above water$ the great wooden
wheel around his nec% now
buoy$ now too
heavy to lift.
?amu*as face$ mutilatedP#P
?amu*a$ with whom
he lay under the same blan%et.
The familiar universe began to assume its shape.
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Inherent
enmity of e*uals. )ach master
not a master. 7 fraud. 7 master slave.
Q
His own voice said it.
Q
(ld$ he included
himself in his scorn for those who
young want the opposite of this earth
then settle
for more of it.
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Q
The life he had not
led$ could not even now lead
was a burning-glass
between himself
and the sun.
Q
Temu=in saw that the Taoist master
was terrified.
The old man$ facing
the verge$ had leapt into the seaP#P
he had given the con*ueror of the world
simply what he had already.
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He li%ed the old man. 7fter dallying
for months discussing
the dead surrounding them
he allowed him to return to his own country.
Q
:aster
slave$ you who have survived thus far
the lottery of who will live$ and who will dieP#P
contemplate enghis 9han$ great$
ocean
%han$ born Temu=in$ master slave.
LI
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The death of his grandson :utugen
seemed to Temu=in
harbinger of his own death. This boy
raised in a desert dust-storm
was innocent of dust.
He who made one imagine something
undeformed could emerge from deformity
died by an arrow.
That he should dieP#.
That he should die assaulting a :uslim citadel
meant that Temu=in himself$ bareheaded$
too% part in the final attac% that destroyed it$
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that every living thing therein$ man and beast$
the child slain in its mothers womb$
must dieP#; that no loot$ no booty
should be ta%en$ but everything inexorably
erased; a place thereafter forever accursed.
Q
When Temu=in heard of his grandsons death$
he learned it before the boys own father.
He called all his sons to share a meal$ and at it
announced that he was angry
his sons no longer obeyed him.
?aghatay$ :utugens father$ protested.
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Then Temu=in told ?aghatay that the boy
was dead.
a'ing fixedly$ Temu=in with a cho%ed
voice forbade
?aghatay 6I)F.
Forbade him not =ust the signs of grief$ but 6I)F itself.
He %ept them at table for hours. 7t the end
?aghatay$ when Temu=in left the room$ wept.
Q
He now %new how he wanted to be buried.
He wanted the course of the (non temporarily
divertedP#; there$ at its muddy center$
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burial in a sealed chamber.
Then the river
sent bac% over it.
7ny travelers encountering by chance
the funeral cortege
were to be executed.
LII
Imagination
clings to
apotheosis$#P
... those who inherit
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the powerful
dead imagine
them and cling.
Hero to his people$#P
... curse Gexcept in
imagination
to everyone else.
The dream I dreamed
was not denied me.
It was not$ in
the mind$ denied me.
Q
This is the end of the fourth hour of the night.
&ource, oetry G:ay >E2.
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The 6eturnB5 F6789 BI+76T
7s the retreating Bructeri began to burn their own
possessions$ to deny to the 6omans every sustenance but
ashes$
a flying column sent by ermanicus
commanded by /ucius &tertinius
routed them;
and there$ discovered amid plunder and the dead$
was the )agle of the nineteenth
legion$ lost with Carus.
The 6omans now
brought to the land of the Bructeri$#to whatever lay
between the river )ms and the river /ippe$
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to the very edge of their territory$#
devastation;
until they reached at last
the Teutoburgian Wood$
in whose dar%ness
Carus and the remains of his fifteen thousand men$
it was said$ lay unburied.
ermanicus then conceived a desire
to honor with obse*uies these unburied warriors whose
massacre once filled 7ugustus himself with rage and
shame$#
with hope or fear every corner of the )mpire$#
while the least foot soldier$ facing alien
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terrain$ was overcome with pity when he
thought of family$ friends$ the sudden
reversals of battle$ and shared human fate.
First 0aecina and his men
entered$#
ordered to reconnoitre the dismal
treacherous passes$ to attempt to build bridges and
causeways across the uneven$ sodden marshland$#
then the rest of the army$ witness to scenes
rending to sight and memory of sight.
Carus first camp$ with its wide sweep and deployment
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of ordered space in confident dimension$
testified to the calm labors of three legions;#
then a ruined half-wall and shallow ditch
showed where a desperate remnant had
been driven to ta%e cover;#
on the open ground between them
were whitening bones$ free
from putrefaction$#
scattered where men had been struc% down
fleeing$ heaped up
where they had stood their ground before slaughter.
Fragments of spears and horses limbs lay
intertwined$ while human
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s%ulls were nailed
li%e insults to the tree-trun%s.
8earby groves held the altars
on which the savage ermans
sacrificed the tribunes and chief centurions.
&urvivors of the catastrophe slowly began$ at last$
to spea%$#
the handful who had escaped death or slavery
told their fellow soldiers where the generals
fell$ how the )agles and standards were sei'ed;#
one showed where Carus received his first wound$ and
another$ where he died by his own melancholy hand;#
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those thrown into crude pits saw
gibbets above them$
as well as the platform from which 7rminius
as if in delirium harangued
his own victorious troops$#
fury and rancor so =oined to his
=oy$ the imprisoned men thought they would soon be butchered$#
until desecration of the )agles at last satisfied
or exhausted his arrogance.
7nd so$ six years after the slaughter$
a living 6oman army had returned
to bury the dead mens bones of three whole legions$#
no man %new whether the remains that he had
gathered$ touched perhaps in consigning to the earth$ were
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those of a stranger or a friend,#
all thought of all
as comrades and
bloodbrothers; each$ in common rising
fury against the enemy$ mourned at once and hated.
When these events were reported to 6ome
0ynics whispered that thus the cunning &tate
enslaves us to its failures and its fate.#
)picureans saw in the ghostly mire
an emblem of the nature of +esire.#
&toics replied that life is War$ I//S&I(8
the source$ the goal$ the end of human action.
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7t the dedication of the funeral
mound$ ermanicus laid the first earth$#
thereby honoring the dead$ and choosing to demonstrate
in his own person his
heartfelt share in the general grief.
He thereby earned the disapproval of Tiberius$#
perhaps because the )mperor interpreted
every action of ermanicus unfavorably; or he may have felt
the spectacle of the unburied dead
must give the army less alacrity for battle and more
respect for the enemy#
while a commander belonging to
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the anti*ue priesthood of the 7ugurs
pollutes himself by handling
ob=ects belonging to the dead.
on the open ground
whitening bones scattered where men had been struc% down
fleeing
heaped up
where they stood their ground
Carus first camp with its
wide sweep
across the open ground
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the ruined
half-wall and shallow ditch
on the open ground between them
whitening bones scattered where men had been struc% down
fleeing
heaped up
where they stood their ground
I have returned here a thousand times$
though history cannot tell us its location.
7rminius$ relentlessly pursued by
ermanicus$ retreated into pathless country.
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G7fter Tacitus$ 7nnals$ 2$ @E#@D
Fran% Bidart$ !The 6eturn" from +esire. 0opyright 1 2334
The Third Hour of the 8ight B5 F6789 BI+76T
When the eye
When the edgeless screen receiving
light from the edgeless universe
When the eye first
When the edgeless screen facing
outward as if hypnoti'ed by the edgeless universe
When the eye first saw that it
Hungry for more light
resistlessly began to fold bac% upon itself TWI&T
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7s if a dog sniffing
Ignorant of origins
familiar with hunger
7s if a dog sniffing a dead dog
Before nervous li%e itself but now
weird inert cold nerveless
Twisting in panic had abruptly sniffed itself
When the eye
first saw that it must die When the eye first
Brooding on our origins you
as% When and I say
Then
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Q
wound-dresser let us call the creature
driven again and again to dress with fresh
bandages and a pail of disinfectant
suppurations that cannot
heal for the wound that confers existence is mortal
wound-dresser
what wound is dressed the wound of being
Q
Snderstand that it can drin% till it is
sic%$ but cannot drin% till it is satisfied.
It alone %nows you. It does not wish you well.
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Snderstand that when your mother$ in her only
pregnancy$ gave birth to twins
painfully stitched into the flesh$ the bone of one child
was the impossible-to-remove cloa% that confers
invisibility. The cloa% that maimed it gave it power.
ainfully stitched into the flesh$ the bone of the other child
was the impossible-to-remove cloa% that confers
visibility. The cloa% that maimed it gave it power.
)nvying the other$ of course each twin
tried to punish and become the other.
Snderstand that when the beast within you
succeeds again in paraly'ing into unending
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incompletion whatever you again had the temerity to
try to ma%e
its triumph is made sweeter by confirmation of its
rectitude. It %nows that it alone
%nows you. It alone remembers your mothers
mothers grasping immigrant bewildered
stro%e-filled slide-to-the-grave
you wiped from your adolescent 7merican feet.
5our hic% purer-than-thou overreaching veiling
mediocrity. Snderstand that you can delude others but
not what you more and more
now call the beast within you. Snderstand
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the cloa% that maimed each gave each power.
Snderstand that there is a beast within you
that can drin% till it is
sic%$ but cannot drin% till it is satisfied. Snderstand
that it will use the conventions of the visible world
to turn your tongue to stone. It alone
%nows you. It does
not wish you well. These are instructions for the wrangler.
II
Three Fates. (ne
fate$ with three faces.
0lotho /achesis 7tropos
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Thread spun by one
from all those forever unspun.
Thread touched by one and in
touching twisted into something
forever unli%e all others spun.
Thread touched by one and in
touching withered to nothing.
7tropos /achesis 0lotho
Three$ who gave us in recompense
for death
the first alphabet$ to engrave in stone
what is most evanescent$
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the mind. 7ccording to Hesiod$ daughters of 8ight.
Q
Snless teeth devour it it
rots, now is its season.
:y teeth have sun% into firm-s%inned
pears so succulent time stopped.
When my wife$ dead now
ten years$ pulls her dress over her petticoats
and hair$ the air crac%les$ her hair rising
tangles in ecstasy. We are electric ghosts.
Q
5ou hear the strange cric%et in the oven
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sing$ and as% what it sings.
This is what it sings.
Because Benvenuto in my native tongue
means welcome$ write
here lies an artist who did not
recoil from residence on earth # but$
truly named$ welcomed it.
But I mis-spo%e, not wife. &ervant, model, mother
of my child$ also now dead.
Q
In prison$ immured in the blac% pit where the ope
once fed Benedetto da Foiano less and less each day
until ods will$ not the opes own hand$ %illed him$ #
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where outside my door each day the castellan
repeated that dar%ness will teach me I am
a counterfeit bat$ and he a real one$ #
blac%ness$ silence so unremitted
I %new I had survived another day only by the malignant
welcome singsong of his triumphant voice$ #
Benvenuto is a counterfeit bat$ and I a real one$ #
where od had not found me worthy of seeing the sun
even in a dream$ I as%ed the od of 8ature
what unexpiated act the suffocation of my senses$ such
suffering$ served to expiate.
GThis was my first prison.
Q
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For the two murders I had committed$ # their =ust$
free but necessary cause
revenge$ however imperfect the =ustice #
two successive opes recogni'ed the necessity
and pardoned me. 7bsolved me.
Because my fame as a ma%er in gold and silver
preceded me$ though I was hardly more
than an apprentice$ when ope 0lement came into
possession of the second largest diamond in the world
he summoned me from Florence to 6ome # called me
into his presence to serve him. To crown the resplendent
glittering vestment covering his surplice$ he wanted
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a golden clasp big and round as a small
plate$ with od the Father in half-relief above the diamond
and cherubs$ arms raised$ below. Hurry$ he said$
finish it *uic%ly$ so that I may en=oy its
use a little while.
ope 0lement$ unli%e the great I now serve$ was
an excellent$ subtle
connoisseur; he approved my design.
)ach wee% he summoned me into the presence
two or three times$ eager to inspect my progress.
Then 0ecchino$ my brother$ two years younger than I
and still beardless$ died #
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was %illed$ as he tried to avenge the un=ust %illing of
a comrade by the ruthless guard of the Bargello.
Thus was stolen from him the chance to incise
his presence into the hard$ careless surface of the world.
The fool who %illed him
in what =ustice must call self-defense
later proved his nature by
boasting of it.
His boasting enraged$ maddened me. In this
great grief the ope rebu%ed me, 5ou act as if
grief can change death.
&leepless$ eatless$ by day I wor%ed at the opes
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absorbing golden button # and by night$ hypnoti'ed
as a =ealous lover$ I watched and followed
the fatuous creature who murdered my brother.
7t last$ overcoming my repugnance to an enterprise
not-*uite-praiseworthy$ I decided
to end my torment. :y dagger entered the =uncture
of the nape-bone and the nec%
so deep into the bone
with all my strength I could not pull it out.
I ran to the palace of +u%e 7lessandro # for those who
pursued me %new me. The opes natural son$
later he became +u%e of Florence$ before his murder
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by his own cousin /oren'ino$ whose too-familiar
intimacies and pretensions to power
he not only indulged but openly moc%ed.
7lessandro told me to stay indoors
for eight days. For eight days I stayed indoors$ wor%ing
at the =ewel the ope had set his heart on.
For eight days the ope failed
to summon me. Then his chamberlain$ saying that all was
well if I minded my wor% and %ept silent$ ushered me
into the presence. The ope cast so menacing
a glance toward me I trembled.
)xamining my wor%$ his countenance cleared$
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saying that I had accomplished a vast amount
in a short time. Then he said$ 8ow that you are
cured$ Benvenuto # change your life.
I promised that I would. &oon after this$ I opened
a fine shop$ my first; and finished the =ewel.
Q
7s the %nife descended Gforgive me$ ( od of
8ature$ but thus you have arranged it$ #
to my fevered mind
each moment was infinite$ and mine.
Q
/ate one night$ in farewell$ :ichelangelo
turning to me said$ Benvenuto$
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you deliver yourself into their hands.
Q
Here I leapt Here I leapt Here I leapt Here I leapt
the shrilling cric%et in the shrilling summer evening
sings; as did my father in the sweet years
he served the pleasure of the lords of Florence
as a piper$ in the 0onsort of ipers.
Imagine my father$ no longer young$ married$ still
childless$ an engineer who designs bridges and
battlements for the +u%e$ but whose
first love is music # the flute. He =oined
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the +u%es 0onsort of ipers. 8ow his nights
often are spent not bending over charts and plans
but da''led at the court of /oren'o$ called The :agnificent #
the same /oren'o who once pluc%ed :ichelangelo$ still
a boy$ from among the horde of the merely-talented
bending to copy the masters in the ducal palace.
/oren'o$ with his fathers consent$ adopted
the boy; fed him at his own table.
Imagine$ tonight$ the brief concert is over #
the 0onsort of ipers Grespectable$ honorable
amateurs, small merchants$ a ban%er$ a scholar
mingle$ slightly awed$ with an ambassador$ a 0ardinal . . .
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&uddenly /oren'o is at my fathers ear, He stood
not six inches from me.
8ot six inches from my fathers ear /oren'o
in a low voice as he begins to move through
the crowd followed by his son iero
Gas now my father must struggle to follow
tells my father he has painfully and increasingly
remar%ed that the flute has led my father to neglect
his fine engineering talent and therefore my
father will understand why iero and the +u%e
must dismiss him from the 0onsort of ipers.
/oren'o$ entering the private apartments$ was gone.
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In later years$ my father repeated to his
children, He stood not six inches from me.
It is a lie. It is a lie that the :edici and you and I
stand on the same earth. What the sane eye
saw$ was a lie, #
two things alone cross the illimitable distance
between the great and the rest of
us$ who serve them, #
a %nife; and art.
Q
The emblem of Florence is the lion; therefore
lions$ caged but restless and living$ centuries ago
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began to announce to the ia''a della &ignoria
this is the fearsome seat of the free
government of the 6epublic of Florence.
+u%e 0osimo$ hating the noise and smell$ had them
moved behind the palace. For years$ I had %nown
the old man who fed and tended the lions$ #
one day he humbly as%ed me if I could ma%e a ring
unli%e all others for his daughters wedding.
I said yes$ of course; but$ as payment for its
rarity$ I wanted him to drug the strongest lion
asleep$ so that I could
examine$ for my art$ his body.
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He said he %new no art of drugging; such poison
could %ill the creature; a wee% later$
in fury he said yes.
The animal was numbed but not
sleeping; he tried to raise
his great head$ as I lay lengthwise against his warm body;
the head fell bac%. :y head
nestling behind his$ each arm$ outstretched$ slowly
descending along each leg$ at last with both hands I
pulled bac% the fur and touched a claw.
This creature whose claw wa%ing could %ill me$ #
. . . I wore its s%in.
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Q
7fter the :edici were returned from eighteen years
banishment$ placed over us again not by the will
of Florentines$ but by a &panish army #
my father$ though during the republic he regained
his position as piper$ ever loyal to the :edici
wrote a poem celebrating his partys victory
and prophesying the imminent
advent of a :edici pope. Then ?ulius II died;
0ardinal de :edici$ against expectation$ was elected;
the new pope wrote my father that he must
come to 6ome and serve him.
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:y father had no will to travel. Then ?acopo
&alviati$ in power because married to a :edici$
too% from my father his place at the +u%es new court;
too% from him his profit$ his hope$ his will.
Thus began that slow extinguishment
of hope$ the self s obse*uies for the self
at which effacement I felt not only a helpless
witness$ but
cause$ author.
He said I was his heart.
I had as%ed to be his heart
before I %new what I was as%ing.
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7gainst his mania to ma%e me a musician
at fifteen I put myself to the goldsmiths trade;
without money
or position$ he now could not oppose this.
Help the boy # for his father is poor
rang in my ears as I began to sell
the first trin%ets I had made. /ater$ to escape
the plague then raging$ he made me
*uic%ly leave Florence; when I returned$
he$ my sister$ her husband and child$ were dead.
These events$ many occurring before my birth$ I
see because my father described them
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often and with outrage.
To be a child is to see things and not
%now them; then you %now them.
Q
+espite the malicious
stars$ decisive at my birth, despite their
sufficient instrument$ the hand within me that moves
against me, in the utter dar%ness of my first prison
od granted me vision,
surrounded by my stin%s$ an 7ngel$ his beauty
austere$ not wanton$ graciously
showed me a room in half-light crowded with the dead,
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postures blunted as if all promise of change
was lost$ the dead
wal%ed up and down and bac% and forth,
as if the promise of change
fleeing had stolen the light.
Then$ on the wall$ there was a s*uare of light.
0areless of blindness I turned my eyes
to the full sun. I did not care
to loo% on anything again but this. The sun
withering and *uic%ening without distinction
then bulged out, the boss
expanded, the calm body of the dead 0hrist
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formed itself from the same
substance as the sun. &till on the cross$
he was the same substance as the sun.
Q
The bait the +u%e laid
was erseus. erseus
standing before the ia''a della &ignoria.
:y statues audience and theater$ :ichelangelos
+avid; +onatellos
?udith With the Head of Holofernes . . .
Here the school of Florence$ swaggering$ says
to the world, )at.
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(nly Bandinellis odious Hercules and 0acus
reminds one that when one wal%s
streets on earth one steps in shit.
+u%e 0osimo desired$ he said$ a statue of erseus
triumphant$ after intricate trials able
at last to raise high
:edusas mutilated head # he imagined$
perhaps$ decapitation of the fic%le
rabble of republican Florence . . .
I conceived the heros gesture as more generous, #
9ill the thing that loo%ed
upon ma%es us stone.
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&oon enough$ on my great bron'e bust of the great
+u%e$ I placed # staring out from his chest #
:edusa$ her head not yet cut$ living.
Q
6emember$ Benvenuto$ you cannot bring your
great gifts to light by your strength alone
5ou show your greatness only through
the opportunities we give you
Hold your tongue I will drown you in gold
Q
7s we stared down at the vast s*uare$ at
+avid$ at ?udith # then at Hercules and 0acus
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approved and placed there by 0osimo himself #
from high on the fortress loo%out of the palace$
against whose severe faUade so many
human promises had been so cunningly
or indifferently crushed$ I told the +u%e that I
cannot ma%e his statue. :y brief return from France
was designed only to provide for the future of
my sister and six nieces$ now without husband
or father. The 9ing of France alone had saved me
from the opes dungeon # not any lord of Italy
7t this$ the +u%e loo%ed at me
sharply$ but said nothing.
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7ll 6ome %new that though I had disproved
the theft that was pretext for my arrest$ ope aul
still %ept me imprisoned$ out of spite #
vengeance of his malignant son ier /uigi$ now
assassinated by his own retainers.
(ne night at dinner$ the 9ings emissary gave the ope
gossip so delicious that out of merriment$ and about to vomit
from indulgence$ he agreed
to free me. I owed 9ing Francis
my art$ my service. The same stipend he once paid
/eonardo$ he now paid me; along with a house in aris.
This house was$ in truth$ a castle . . .
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I omitted$ of course$ *uarrels with the 9ings
mistress$ demon who taunted me for the slowness
of my wor%$ out of her petty hatred of art itself;
omitted her insistence to the 9ing that I
am insolent and by example teach
insolence to others. (mitted that I overheard the 9ing
=o%e with her lieutenant, #
9ill him$ if you can find me
his e*ual in art.
Before the school of Florence I had only been able$
young$ to show myself as goldsmith
and =eweler; not yet as sculptor.
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+u%e 0osimo then announced that all the 9ing of France
had given me$ he would surpass, boasting$
he bec%oned me to follow him past the public
common galleries$ into the private apartments . . .
+utiful abashed puppet$ I followed; I %new
I would remain and ma%e his statue.
Q
In the mirror of art$ you who are familiar with the rituals of
decorum and bloodshed before which you are
silence and submission
while within stone
the mind writhes
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contemplate$ as if a refrain were wisdom$ the glistening
intrication
of bron'e and will and circumstance in the mirror of art.
Q
Bandinelli for months insinuated in the +u%es ear
erseus never would be finished, #
I lac%ed the art$ he said$ to move from the small
wax model the +u%e rightly praised$ to lifesi'e
bron'e whose secrets tormented even +onatello.
&o eighteen months after wor% began$ +u%e 0osimo grew
tired$ and withdrew his subsidy. /attan'o orini$
spider-handed and gnat-voiced$ refusing to hand over
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payment said$ Why do you not finish<
Then Bandinelli hissed &odomite at
me # after my enumeration$ to the courts
amusement$ of the sins against art and sense
committed by his Hercules and 0acus$ recital
designed to %ill either him or his authority . . .
The +u%e$ at the ugly word$ frowned
and turned away. I replied that the sculptor of
Hercules and 0acus must be a madman to thin% that I
presumed to understand the art that ?ove in heaven
used on anymede$ art nobly practiced here on earth
by so many emperors and %ings. :y saucy speech
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ended, :y poor wic% does not dare to burn so high
+u%e and court bro%e into laughter. Thus was
born my resolve to murder Bandinelli.
Q
Id hurl the creature to hell. In despair at what must
follow # the +u%es rage$ abandonment of my
never-to-be-born erseus # I cast
myself away for lost, with a hundred crowns
and a swift horse$ I resolved first to bid
farewell to my natural son$ put to wet-nurse in Fiesole;
then to descend to &an +omenico$ where Bandinelli
returned each evening. Then$ after blood$ France.
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6eaching Fiesole$ I saw the boy
was in good health; his wet-nurse
was my old familiar$ old gossip$ now
married to one of my wor%men. The boy
clung to me, wonderful in a two-year-old$ in
grief he flailed his arms when at last
in the thic% half-dus%
I began to disengage myself. )ntering the s*uare
of &an +omenico on one side$ I saw my prey
arriving on the other. )nraged that he still
drew breath$ when I reached him
I saw he was unarmed. He rode a small sorry
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mule. 7 whee'ing don%ey carried a ten-year-old
boy at his side. In my sudden presence$ his face
went white. I nodded my head and rode past.
Q
I had a vision of Bandinelli surrounded
by the heaped-up wor%s of his hand.
8ot one thing that he had made
did I want to have made.
From somewhere within his body
li%e a thread
he spun the piles surrounding him. Then he
tried to pull away$ to release the thread; I saw
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the thread was a leash.
He tried and tried to cut it.
7t this$ in my vision I said out-loud, #
:y art is my revenge.
Q
When I returned to Florence from Fiesole$ after
three days news was brought to me that my little boy
was smothered by his wet-nurse
turning over on him as they both slept.
His panic$ as I left; his arms raised$ in panic.
Q
from the great unchosen narration you will soon
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be released
Benvenuto 0ellini
dirtied by blood and earth
but now
you have again taught yourself to disappear
moving wax from arm
to thigh
you have again taught yourself to disappear
here where each soul is its
orbit spinning
sweetly around the center of itself
at the edge of its eye the great
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design of virtue
here your :edusa and your erseus are twins
his triumphant body still furious with purpose
but his face abstracted absorbed in
contemplation as she is
abstracted absorbed
though blood still spurts from her nec%
defeated by a mirror
as in concentration you move wax
from thigh to arm
under your hand it grows
Q
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The idyll began when the +u%e reached me a goldsmiths
hammer$ with which I struc% the goldsmiths
chisel he held; and so the little statues were
disengaged from earth and rust. Bron'e
anti*uities$ newly found near 7re''o$ they lac%ed
either head or hands or feet. Impatient for my
presence$ the +u%e insisted that I =oin him each evening
at his new pastime$ playing artisan # leaving orders
for my free admittance to his rooms$ day or night.
His four boys$ when the +u%es eyes were turned$
hovered around me$ teasing. (ne night
I begged them to hold their peace.
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The boldest replied$ That we cant do I said
what one cannot do is re*uired of no one.
&o have your will Faced with their sons
delight in this new principle$ the +u%e and +uchess
smiling accused me of a taste for chaos . . .
7t last the four figures wrought for the four
facets of the pedestal beneath erseus
were finished. I brought them one evening to the +u%e$
arranging them on his wor%table in a row, #
figures$ postures from scenes that the eye cannot
entirely decipher$ story haunting the eye with its
resonance$ unseen ground that explains nothing . . .
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The +u%e appeared$ then immediately
retreated; reappearing$ in his right hand
he held a pear slip. This is for your garden$ the garden of
your house. I began$ +o you mean$ but he cut me off
saying$ 5es$ Benvenuto, garden and house now are yours.
Thus I received what earlier was only lent me.
I than%ed him and his +uchess; then both
too% seats before my figures.
For two hours tal% was of their beauty$ #
the +uchess insisted they were too ex*uisite
to be wasted down there
in the pia''a; I must place them in her apartments.
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truceless ministers of the great unerasable
V)6($ eager to annihilate lineament and light$
waited$ pent$ against the hori'on, #
some great force Gmassive$ stubborn$ multiform as
earth$ fury whose single name is /)I(8$ #
wanted my erseus not to exist, #
and I must
defeat them.
Then my trembling assistants wo%e me.
They said all my wor%
was spoiled.
erseus was spoiled. He lay buried in earth
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wreathed in fragile earthenware veins from the furnace
above$ veins through which he still
waited to be filled with burning metal.
The metal was curdled. 7s I slept$ sic%$
the bron'e had been allowed to ca%e$ to curdle.
Feverish$ made sic% by my exertions for
days$ for months$ I slept; while those charged
with evenly feeding the furnace that I had so well
prepared$ /769)+ #
I thought$ Snwitting ministers of the gorgon
:edusa herself. The furnace cho%ed with ca%ing$ curdling
metal that no art %nown to man could
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uncurdle$ must be utterly dismantled # all
who made it agreed this must destroy
the fragile$ thirsty mould of erseus beneath.
But erseus was not more strong
than :edusa$ but more clever, # if he ever
was to exist as idea$ he must first exist as matter, #
all my old inborn
daring returned$
furious to reverse
the un=ust triumphs of the worlds mere
arrangements of power$ that seemingly on earth
cannot be reversed. First$ I surveyed my forces, #
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seven guilty wor%men$ timid$ sullen$
resentful; a groom; two maids; a coo%.
I harassed these s%eptical troops into battle, #
two hands were sent to fetch from the butcher
0apretta a load of young oa%$ #
in bron'e furnaces the only woods you use
are slow-burning alder$ willow$ pine, now I needed
oa% and its fierce heat. 7s the oa%
was fed log by log into the fire$ how the ca%e began
to stir$ to glow and spar%le. 8ow
from the increased
combustion of the furnace$ a conflagration
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shot up from the roof, two windows
burst into flame, I saw the violent storm
filling the s%y fan the flames.
7ll the while with po%ers and iron rods
we stirred and stirred the channels#
the metal$ bubbling$ refused to flow.
I sent for all my pewter plates$ dishes$ porringers #
the coo% and maids brought some two hundred.
iece by piece$ I had them thrown
into the turgid mass. 7s I watched the metal for
movement$ the cap of the furnace
exploded # bron'e welling over on all sides.
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I had the plugs pulled$ the mouths of the mould
opened; in perfect li*uefaction
the veins of erseus filled . . .
+ays later$ when the bron'e had cooled$ when the clay
sheath had been with great care removed$ I found
what was dead brought to life again.
Q
8ow$ my second
prison. It began soon after erseus was unveiled
to acclaim # great acclaim. erhaps I grew
too glorious. erseus$ whose birth consumed
nine years$ found stuc% to his pedestal
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sonnets celebrating the masters hand that made him . . .
(n the day of unveiling$ +u%e 0osimo stationed himself
at a window =ust above the entrance to the palace;
there$ half-hidden$ he listened for hours to the crowds
wonder. He sent his attendant &for'a to say
my reward
soon would astonish me.
Ten days passed. 7t last &for'a appeared and as%ed
what price I placed on my statue.
I was indeed astonished, It is not my custom$
I replied$ to set a price for my wor%$ as if
he were a merchant and I a mere tradesman.
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Then$ at ris% of the +u%es severe displeasure$ I was
warned I must set a price, infuriated$ I said
ten thousand golden crowns.
0ities and great palaces are built with ten thousand
golden crowns$ the +u%e
two days later flung at me in anger.
:any men can build cities and palaces$
I replied$ but not one can ma%e
a second erseus.
Bandinelli$ consulted by the +u%e$ reluctantly
concluded that the statue was worth
sixteen thousand.
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The +u%e replied that for two farthings
erseus could go to the scrap heap; that would
resolve our differences.
7t last$ the settlement was thirty-five hundred$ one
hundred a month. &oon after$ charges were brought
against me$ for sodomy #
I escaped Florence as far as &carperia$ but there
the +u%es soldiers caught me and in chains
brought me bac%.
I confessed. If I had not$ I could have been made
to serve as a slave in the +u%es galleys for life.
The +u%e listened behind a screen as I was made
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publicly to confess$ in full court . . . unishment
was four years imprisonment. Without the +u%es
concurrence$ of course$ no charges could have been
lodged$ no public humiliation arranged
to silence the insolent. The first 0osimo$ founder of :edici
power$ all his life protected +onatello # whose
affections and bliss were found in anymede.
7fter imprisonment one month$ 0osimo
finally commuted my sentence to house arrest.
There his magnanimity allowed me to complete
my 0hrist of the whitest marble
set upon a cross of the blac%est.
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8ow$ my 0hrist sits still pac%ed in a crate
in the +u%es new chapel; my bust of the +u%e
is exiled to )lba$ there to frighten in open air
slaves peering out from his passing galleys.
8ow$ after the +uchess and two of their sons
died of fever within two months$ 0osimo
grows stranger, he murdered &for'a
by running him through with a spear, #
he does not own
his mind; or will.
When I as% release from his service$ he says
that he cannot$ that he soon
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will have need of me for great pro=ects; no
commissions come. 0atherine de :edici$ regent of
the young French %ing$ petitioned that I be allowed
to enter her service. He said I had no will now to wor%.
In prison I wrote my sonnet addressed
to Fortune, # Fortune$ you sow
5ou turned from me because anymede
also is my =oy . . . ( od of 8ature$ author
of my nature$
where does your son ?esus forbid it<
When I was five$ one night my father
wo%e me. He pulled me to the basement$ ma%ing me
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stare into the oa% fire and see what he =ust had seen.
There a little li'ard was sporting
at the core of the intensest flames.
:y father boxed me on the ears$ then %issed me #
saying that I must remember this night, #
:y dear little boy$ the li'ard you see
is a salamander$ a creature that lives
at the heart of fire. 5ou and I are blessed, no other
soul now living has been allowed to see it.
Q
I am too old to fight to leave Florence, #
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here$ young$ this goldsmith and =eweler
began to imagine that
severity$ that chastity of style
certain remnants of the ancient world
left my hand hungry to emulate, #
e*uilibrium of ferocious$ contradictory
forces, e*uilibrium whose balance or poise is their
tension$ and does not efface them$ #
as if the surface of each thing
arranged within the frame$ the surface of each
body the eye must circle
gives up to the eye its vibration$ its nature.
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Two or three times$ perhaps$# you
say where$ # I have achieved it.
Q
&ee$ in my great bron'e bust of the great
+u%e$ embedded in the right epaulette li%e a trophy
an open-mouthed
face part lion part man part goat$ with an iron
bar =ammed in its lower =aw
rising resistlessly across its mouth.
&ee$ in Casaris clumsy portrait of me$ as I float
above the right shoulder of the +u%e$ the same face."
Q
7s if your hand fumbling to reach inside
reached inside
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7s if light falling on the surface
fell on what made the surface
7s if there were no scarcity of sun
on the sun
III
I covered my arm with orchid =uice.
With my hatchet I split a mangrove stic%
from a tree$ and sharpened it.
I covered the %illing stic% with orchid =uice.
We were camping at :arunga Island
loo%ing for oysters. This woman I was about to %ill
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at last separated herself from the others
to hunt lilies. &he wal%ed into the swamp$ then
got cold$ and lay down on sandy ground.
7fter I hit her between the eyes with my hatchet
she %ic%ed$ but couldnt
raise up.
With my thumb over the end of the %illing stic%
I =abbed her :ount of Cenus until her s%in pushed
bac% up to her navel. Her large intestine
protruded as though it were red calico.
With my thumb over the end of the %illing stic%
each time she inhaled
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I pushed my arm
in a little. When she exhaled$ I stopped. /ittle by little
I got my hand
inside her. Finally I touched her heart.
(nce you reach what is
inside it is outside. I pushed the %illing stic%
into her heart.
The spirit that belonged to that dead woman
went into my heart then.
I felt it go in.
I pulled my arm
out. I covered my arm with orchid =uice.
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8ext I bro%e a nest of green ants
off a tree$ and watched the live ants
bite her s%in until her s%in moved by itself
downward from her navel and covered her bones.
Then I too% some dry mud and put my sweat
and her blood in the dry mud
and warmed it over a fire. &ix or eight times
I put the blood and sweat and mud
inside her uterus until there was no trace of her
wound or what I had done.
I was careful none of her pubic hair was left
inside her vagina for her husband to feel.
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Her large intestine stuc% out several feet.
When I shoo% some green ants on it$ a little
went in. I shoo% some more. 7ll of it went in.
When I whirled the %illing stic% with her hearts blood
over her head$ her head
moved. When I whirled it some more$ she moved
more. The third time I whirled the %illing stic%
she gasped for breath. &he blew some breath
out of her mouth$ and was all right.
I said$ 5ou go eat some lilies. &he
got up. I said$ 5ou will live
two days. (ne day you will be happy. The next$ sic%.
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&he ate some lilies. &he wal%ed around$ then
came bac% and slept. When laughing and tal%ing women
wo%e her she gathered her lilies and returned to camp.
The next day she wal%ed around and played$
tal%ed and made fun$ gathering with others oysters
and lilies. &he brought into camp what she
gathered. That night she lay down and died.
)ven the gods cannot
end death. In this universe anybody can %ill anybody
with a stic%. What the gods gave me
is their gift$ the power to bury within each
creature the hour it ceases.
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)veryone %nows I have powers but not such power.
If they %new I would be so famous
they would %ill me.
I tell you because your tongue is stone.
If the gods ever give you words$ one night in
sleep you will wa%e to find me above you.
Q
7fter sex metaphysics$ #
. . . what<
What you have made.
Q
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Infinite the forms$ finite
tonight as I find again in the mirror the familiar appeaseless
eaters face
Ignorant of cause or source or end
in silence he repeats
)ater$ become food
7ll life exists at the expense of other life
Because you have eaten and eat as eat you must
)ater$ become food
unli%e the burning stars
burning merely to be
Then I as% him how to become food
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In silence he repeats that others have
other fates$ but that I must fashion out of the corruptible
body a new body good to eat a thousand years
Then I tell the eaters face that within me is no
sustenance$ on my famished
plate centuries have been served me and still I am famished
He smir%s$ and in silence repeats that all life exists
at the expense of other life
5ou must fashion out of the corruptible
body a new body good to eat a thousand years
Because you have eaten and eat as eat you must
ignorant of cause or source or end
Q
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drugged to sleep by repetition of the diurnal
round$ the monotonous sorrow of the finite$
within I am awa%e
repairing in dirt the frayed immaculate thread
forced by being to watch the birth of suns
Q
This is the end of the third hour of the night.
8(T)&, In art II$ my largest debts are to ?ohn 7ddington &ymondss translation$ The /ife of Benvenuto 0ellini$ Written by
Himself G2AA4; and to :ichael W. 0oles 0ellini and the rinciples of &culpture G>EE>. art III$ section one$ is based on W.
/loyd Warners 7 Blac% 0ivili'ation G23A$ pages 23A->EE; reprinted under the title !Blac% :agic, 7n 7ustralian &orcerer
G7rnhem /and" in :ircea )liades From rimitives to Ven, 7 Thematic &ourceboo% of the History of 6eligions G2344; JJD-
JJ. F. B.
&ource, oetry G(ctober >EEJ.
Cisions at 4JB5 F6789 BI+76T
The planet turns there without you$ beautiful.
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)xiled by death you cannot
touch it. Weird =oy to watch postulates
lived out and discarded$ something crowded
inside us always craving to become something
glistening outside us$ the relentless planet
showing itself the logic of what is
buried inside it. To love existence
is to love what is indifferent to you
you thin%$ as you watch it turn there$ beautiful.
World that can %now itself only by
world$ soon it must coloni'e and infect the stars.
5ou are an hypothesis made of flesh.
What you will teach the stars is constant
rage at the constant prospect of not-being.
Q
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&ometimes when I wa%e itNs because I hear
a %noc%. 9noc%$
9noc%. Two
%noc%s$ *uite clear.
I wa%e and listen. ItNs nothing.
Fran% Bidart$ MCisions at 4J.M 0opyright 1 >E2
It is what recurs that we believe$your face not at one moment loo%ingsideways up at me anguished or
elate$ but the old words welling up by
gravity rearranged,two wee%s before you died in
pain worn out$ after my usual casual sign-off
with 7ll my love$ your simplesolemn :y love to you$ Fran%.
Overheard Through The Walls Of The Invisible City. . .telling those who swarm around him his desireis that an appendage from each of them
fill$ invade each of his orifices$--
repeating$ chanting(h yeah(h yeah(h yeah(h yeah(h yeah
If I Could Mourn Like A Mourning Dove - Poem by
Frank Bidart
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until$ as if in dar%ness he craved the sun$ at last he reached
consummation.
Sntil telling those who swarm around him begins again
Gwe are the wheel to which we are bound.
To the Dead
What I hope Gwhen I hope is that weNll
see each other again$--
. . . and again reach the C)I8
in which we loved each other . .It existed. It existed.
There is a 8IHT within the 8IHT$--
. . . for$ li%e the detectives Gthe 6it' Brothersin The orilla$
once weNd been battered by the gorilla
we searched the walls$ the intricately carvedimpenetrable paneling
for a button$ lever$ latch
that unloc%s a secret door that reveals at last the secret chambers$
0(66I+(6& within W7//&$
Gthe disenthralling$ necessary$ dreamed structurebeneath the structure we see$
that is the H(S&) within the H(S&) . . .
There is a 8IHT within the 8IHT$--
. . . there were Gfor example months when I seemed only
to displease$ frustrate$
disappoint you--; then$ something triggered
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a drun% lasting for days$ and as you
slowly and sha%ily sobered up$
sic%$ throbbing with remorse and self-loathing$
insight li%e ashes, clung
to; useless; hated . . .
This was the viewing of the power of the waters
while the waters were asleep,--
secrets$ histories of loves$ betrayals$ double-binds
not fit Gyou thought for the light of day . . .
There is a 8IHT within the 8IHT$--
. . . for$ there at times at night$ still weinhabit the secret place together . . .
Is this wisdom$ or self-pity<--
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