games for learning about conflict agile tour montreal 2013

@eegrove

Ellen Groveegrove@agilepartnership.com

Games for

Learning About

Conflict

@eegrove

@eegrove

Where all think alike, no one thinks very much.Walter Lippman, The Stakes of Democracy 1915

INTRODUCTION

@eegrove

PERCEPTION

@eegrove

Navigating

Foundering@eegrove

@eegrove

Furlongs’sCircle of Conflict

Relationships

Externals/Moods

Data Structure

Values

Interests

ESCALATION

@eegrove

Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Modes

Avoiding Accommodating

Compromising

CollaboratingCompeting

Cooperativeness

Ass

ert

iven

ess

@eegrove

@eegrove

Social VirusCONTAGION

@eegrove Adkins: http://agile.dzone.com/articles/agile-managing-conflict

@eegrove

Consensus

Shuttle diplomacy to de-escalate

Support and safety

AccommodateNegotiateGet factual

Peacekeeping/Protection

What might you do?:

Adkins: http://agile.dzone.com/articles/agile-managing-conflict

@eegrove

"Separate the people from the problem.”

"Focus on interests, not positions.”

"Invent options for mutual gain.”

"Insist on using objective criteria.”

"Know your BATNA (Best Alternative To Negotiated Agreement)”

William Ury, Getting to YES, 1981

@eegrove

CONSTELLATION

@eegrove

Everyone is right…but only partiallyLyssa Adkins and Michael Spayd

POSITION?@eegrove

@eegrove

North-Going Zax

Position 1:I MUST HAVE THE

LEMON!

@eegrove

South-Going Zax

Position 1:I MUST HAVE THE

LEMON!

@eegrove

POSITION?http://www.flickr.com/photos/45802332@N00/3308234796

@eegrove

North-Going Zax

Position:I MUST HAVE THE LEMON!

Interest: I need the rind of the lemon

to make pound-cake

@eegrove

South-Going Zax

Position:I MUST HAVE THE LEMON!

Interest: I need the pulp of the

lemon to make lemonade

@eegrove

Discuss

• In a conflict situation, how might it help to identify your interests/other parties’ interests before discussion?

• How might you help the other party feel comfortable in sharing the interest?

@eegrove

CONTRADICTION

@eegrove

North-Going Zax

Two heads are better than one

@eegrove

South-Going Zax

If you want something done

right, do it yourself

@eegrove

Recap

Perception: What’s your perception of conflict? What kind of conflict are you engaged in?

Escalation: What escalates conflict? What is your reaction to conflict?

Contagion: How does your behaviour affect other people?

Constellation: Who is affected? Who needs to be involved in the solution?

Position: How to differentiate between position and interests?

Contradiction: How can we appreciate multiple truths and recognize our biases?

@eegrove

Great relationships rely on passionate disagreementPatrick Lencioni

ResourcesPUBLICATIONS• Furlong (2005) The Conflict Resolution Handbook• Thomas & Kilmann Conflict Modes:

http://www.kilmanndiagnostics.com/overview-thomas-kilmann-conflict-mode-instrument-tki• Adkins, Navigating the 5 Levels of Conflict the Agile Way:

http://agile.dzone.com/articles/agile-managing-conflict• Fisher and Ury (1981),Getting to YESGAMES• Perception (What Color is Conflict?):

http://www.teachervision.fen.com/classroom-management/activity/2922.html• Escalation (Role Plays): http://esrnational.org/resources/lessons-from-connected-and-respected/• Contagion (Social Virus): http://www.thiagi.com/pfp/IE4H/august2011.html#Jolt• Constellation (Problem Constellation):

http://agilemeditation.wordpress.com/2013/09/12/problem-constellation/• Position (I MUST have the lemon!): http://learningstore.uwex.edu/Assets/pdfs/B3870-09.PDF• Contradiction (Au contraire): http://www.thiagi.com/pfp/IE4H/february2013.html#JoltPHOTO CREDITS• http://www.flickr.com/photos/jsjgeology/8512500151• http://www.flickr.com/photos/afireinwinter/9304601336• http://www.flickr.com/photos/johnson7/1460568819• http://www.flickr.com/photos/jkadlec/8650818989• http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/d/da/Rolling-thunder-cloud.jpg• http://www.flickr.com/photos/niaid/8411599236• http://www.flickr.com/photos/kenlund• http://www.flickr.com/photos/45802332@N• http://www.flickr.com/photos/djlicious/2191502470

egrove@agilepartnership.commasteringtheobvious.wordpress.com

@eegrove

Thank you!