how not to rent a car

by Paul Schreiber

to rent a carNOTHow

Starring

StarringThe San Diego Airport Avis

StarringThe San Diego Airport Avis

StarringThe San Diego Airport Avis

At Avis, they try harderThey just don’t try hard enough.

At Avis, they try harderThey just don’t try hard enough.

July 22, 2007I was hoping for sun, but the marine layer had settled in.

Here’s the Avis

I waited in lineAgents mulled around in the back room.

Finally, it was my turnRoberto (13414) grudgingly helped me.

Avis said I had two reservationsI only had one. I swear.

Mid-size orsmall car? Economy,

please.

Finally, my carChevy Cobalt LT (space E23). It’ll do.

This nice note was insideThanks, Luis!

Wait a minuteThis car’s a mess.

Nobody washed the mirrors

Nobody washed the mirrors

The ceiling’s dirty, too

The ceiling’s dirty, too

The ceiling’s dirty, tooReally dirty.

The armrest is dirty

Did I get Christina Aguliera’s car?Dirty, dirty, dirty.

Check out the controls

Check out the controls

Check out the controlsMissing paint and they come apart.A two-for-one deal.

Same on the other doorPaint flakes. Sale on aisle E.

Oh well!Better luck next time.

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to rent a carNOTHow