i quit!!!!

I QUIT!!!!

Quit being Afraid of……

What Other Thinks

Ever Feel This Way?

“My need to be what other people wanted and expected was far to great to actually allow me to stand up.”

“While I was a committed Christian for many years, my primary identity was not defined by God’s love but what others thought of me.”

“I feel good about myself, as long as other people are okay w me”

More……

You feel hurt by a friend but you said nothing about it.

You get the wrong bill but because the shop is so busy you’re uncomfortable to ask about it

You go w a group of friends to see a movie but you don’t like this particular movie and yet you go along

You have a invitation. You’re tired. But you still go because you can’t face the disapproval later on

Real Source of “Okay”

We’re Made in God’s ImageWe’ve infinite value as human beings apart from anything we do

We Have a New Identity in Christ.We’re good enough because of Christ. There is noting left to prove.

Gery’s Story

“My daily reality was that my lovability came not from Christ but from how others perceived me.”

“I needed people to think that I was a great Christian & a good person”

It’s OK & It’s Not Too Late!

Peter (Matthew 26:31-75) Abraham (Genesis 12:10-20; 20:1-18) Reuben (Genesis 37:12-36) Aaron (Exodus 32) Timothy (1 Timothy 1)

Four degree of love in Christianity

Loving ourselves Become a Christian to avoid hell

Loving God for His gifts and blessings Love God because what He has given us

Loving God for himself alone Love God for His character

Loving ourselves for the sake of God Taking care of ourselves well to do His will

Reason to Stop

Losing your own integrityWho you’re in front of public is different that who you’re by yourself. Gal 2:11-14.

What/whom your love is affected.You realize if you keep continuing doing what you do you might lose something/someone dear to you

Pain of present situation. The fear that things stay the same >

the fear to change

How to Monitor Progress

Reflect on the movement of the heart.Pay attention when your heart try to please others by not being yourself.

Reflect on the love of God.The more you ground your identity in the love of God, the less you need the approval of people for your sense of lovability

Why We Need to do this?

We can’t grow to spiritual adulthood if we don’t break free from needing the approval of others.

Our growth will be stunted

2. Quit LyingTo Yourself, Others, & God

Have You Ever Feel This Way?

Pretend that everything is OK and always have a positive emotion.

Spin the truth to keep the peace. To “forgive” someone and yet have

problems looking at them person for a long time after the “sorry” and “OK”

Some Rules That Might Make You Lie

Don’t show your feeling Don’t show off Don’t talk back/ fight Always be nice Akways be on time Always be good Obey authority Mistake can kill, so don’t make one

Why Lie?

Managing other people perception Threatened self esteem

Cost of Lying

Lying give a short term relief but at a cost:

Lies become more complicated Relationship diminish in quality People trust us less Stress and anxiety level increases Our ability to love God and others -

lessen

Conflict When Truth Arises?

Conflict is normal, important, and necessary when close relationships enter into a new cycle of growth and maturity.

Truth spoke irresponsibly or disrespectful almost always creates unnecessary damage.

Speaking the truth in love involves: respectful words, being responsible for our own thoughts and emotions, speaking in the “I”s.

These are skills to be learned

Lying to God

Many people lie to God by only sharing what they think God wants to hear or what they ought to feel.

Many Christians struggle with inner emotions that they feel they are not supposed to have.

To start:

Stop lying & tell the truth initially feel like a death because it has been so ingrained in us.

When you quit lying, you ignite your spirituality

Part of you that has been asleep will be awake, whether good or bad. You’re removing false layer and growing the real you

Embrace your weaknesses. It makes you a safer, softer, and more approachable person

3. Quit Dying to…..

The Wrong Things

When?

Devalue activities that cause your soul to feel full alive.

Ignore important relationship. When your care for others are

detrimental to yourself. When you fail to state your

preferences, always deferring to others

Reason behind it

A lack of self respect Failure to grasp our personal dignity as

made in the image of God

The wrong “good Christians”

Never say no Have active social calendar Juggle many things w/o complaining Get things done Put others needs before their own

Dying to the right thing

The sinful part of us such as:- Defensiveness- Arrogance- Hypocrisy- Judgmental spirit- Finding our worth apart from him- Other more obvious sins

Three area to focus

In order to grow self knowledge and self awareness.

1. Your story

2. Your heart

3. Your personality

My Story

Understanding the positive and negative legacies that we inherit from our past: family, friends, mentors, etc.

Courageously admit what to hold on to and what to be changed

My Heart

Paying attention to the thought and feelings inside us

Thoughts, beliefs, judgments, hopes, fears, beliefs

Jot them down to connect w yourself If we bypass it – losing opportunity to

transform ourselves

My Personality

Introvert or extrovert? What tempt you to substitute God’s

love in order to find security and self worth:

- To be right- To be needed- To succeed- To be special- To know- For certainty- To enjoy life- To be against- To avoid confrontation

4. Quit Denying….

Anger, Sadness, & Fear

Anger

A tool to clarify values Signal of deeper emotion Unmet expectations Be a sin

Sadness

The greatest teacher of all Bible affirms the expression of sadness

(Isaiah 53:3) Experience it makes you more

compassion toward other Scripture considers grieving losses as

central to our spiritual growth Loss is a part of life

.

Fear

Not admitting gives fear more power Fear of making mistakes, rejection,

consequences from relaxing Imagine if you could make mistakes,

be imperfect, and still be loved Psalm 46:10

Guidelines to Quit

Feel your feelingsBalance, take care of your feeling, journaling

Think through your feelingsThe reason to feel this way

Take appropriate action

Effect on not caring for our feeling

Dishonest w our feelings stunt our spiritual growth

Dishonesty in feeling create superficial spirituality

5. Quit Blaming

The Blame Game

Comfort us Keep us stuck in immaturity Illusion of helplessness thus

irresponsibility Focus on what others supposed to do

rather than one’s own

6 Signals of the Game

Feel that you have been dealt “a bad hand” in life

Think that you can’t change anything for the better

View negative occurrences and relationships as being out of control

Rarely believe you’re wrong Apologizing is a sign of weakness Dwell on the past

Start to Take Responsibility

Determine when, how, or even if you want to spend time with them.

Rock the boat if necessary

“ It took years of courage, honesty, hard work, and taking responsibility

for ourselves. But now we enjoy intimacy and safety in our

relationship that I couldn’t imagined when I was begging God to ‘fix’ him”

Freedom Toolkit

1. Boundaries

2. Speak up

3. Say yes or no

4. Pay attention to feelings

5. Take care of yourself

6. Confront yourself

7. Remain hopeful

8. Think carefully

9. Be courageous

1. Practice Boundaries

Don’t be pressured to do something that you don’t agree/ want

Respect the choices of others To practice need: God’s power, heroic

courage, and support from others. Learn this. You’re worth it.

2. Speak Up

You speak for yourself not against others.

Speak w respect to ourselves and others. Not w/ manipulation/ control.

3. Say Yes/No

Yes and No are loving words No is for you, not against others, and it

doesn’t make you bad. Must be able to say no for a healthy

yes. If you say yes for a no – erode integrity

and hurt both parties (it’s a lie)

4. Pay Attention to Feelings

Admitting disappointments humbly reveals & opens our hearts.

Acknowledging happiness Journal what God speaks through your

feelings (angry/sad/anxious/ glad)

5. Take care of Yourself

We must first take care of ourselves before we can take care of others

Doing things that refresh & give you life

In touch w wishes, dreams, things that cause you to feel fully alive.

Sabbath

5. Confront Yourself

Humbly acknowledging our shortcomings

Responsible for our failures & disappointments

Enable us to stop blaming and take control of our lives

Full personal freedom comes w full personal truth

6. Remain Hopeful

Unlock the truth and releases us from the prison of the past.

“ I’ll never let that happen again” What I want Vs what I don’t want How difficult the past maybe, it doesn’t

mean the future is impossible

7. Think Carefully

Ability to live wisely not foolishly Don’t go blindly/ make impulsive

decisions, Proverbs 14:15 Pause, gather information, evaluate

what we know about the issue Giving thoughts to our ways is both a

privilege and a gift from God

8. Be Courageous

Enable us to take healthy risks We don’t have to prove our worth to

ear His love Authentic life requires courage & is not

an easy life pick redemptive over destructive

Redemptive life makes you die to the right things closer to your destiny

Destructive pain leads to more pain

Reward of Quit Blaming

Our sense of helplessness evaporates We realizes we’re not responsible for

others choices We care and serve others while

allowing them to mature & take responsibilities in their own burdens (Gal 6:2-4)

6. Quit Overfunctioning

Definition

When we do for others what they can & should do for themselves.

When there is a overfunctioner, there will always bean underfunctioner

Test for Overfunctioner

I generally know the right things to do I move quickly to fix things before they

fall apart. I’ve difficulty allowing others to

struggle w their own problem. In the long run, it’s easier to do it

myself I don’t trust others to do as good as I

can I often do what is asked of me, even

though I’m already overloaded

Test for Overfunctioner

I don’t like to rock the oat so I covers for others

Other people describe me as “stable’ and as always “having it together”.

I don’t like asking for help because I don’t want to be a burden

I like to be needed

Five Deadly Consequences

Breed resentment Perpetuates immaturity Prevent from focusing on life calling Erodes spiritual life Destroy community by dissension,

conflict, helplessness, anger, despair

Breaking Free

Admit over functioning Unleash the earthquake Expect chaos Stand firm

7. Quit Faulty Thinking

8. Quit Living…Someone Else’s Life