individuality in twins & multiples

DR CAROL COOPERIMBA 2010

www.drcarolcooper.com

Individuality in Twins & Multiples

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How to get there?

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No multiples are truly identical

Not even if MZ *DNA*Genes not always switched on*Blood flow*Other pre-birth factors*Irises & fingerprints.

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Why individuality matters

Social skillsLanguage

developmentHealthy competitionBehaviourSchool performanceRewards of

parentingAdolescenceAdulthood.

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What we’re up against

Humans designed to have one baby at a time

Twins & more are cute

People are fascinated Popular expectations The “twins-switch”.

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Start before the birth

Prepare the familyGet your priorities sortedChoose names carefullyClothes, etc.

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Is this really ‘William S. Clemens’?

“My twin and I got mixed up in the bath-tub when we were two weeks old and one of us was drowned, but we didn’t know which. Some think it was Bill and some think it was me. One of us had a peculiar mark – a large hole on the back of his left hand, but that was me. That was the one that was drowned”.

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After they arrive

Telling them apartTry not to labelTry not to lumpUse their namesMake eye contactSpeak to each

baby individuallyUsing the other

senses, eg touch.

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As they grow up

Address separately and give attention

Eye contactReading to each

childOwn clothesOwn spaceOwn toysOwn birthday

cards/presents.9

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It’s not available in stores

Need for independence

ExploringCreative playFeeding themselves Dressing themselvesOther tasks; “being

big”Chances to be alone.

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“Why, Mummy?”

Try not to address one child all the time (or first)

Be patient!Repeat as

necessary.

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Life is unfair

ClothesToysGiftsFriendsSchoolGrowth and

health 13

What about the rest of the world?

Other influences on your child

Grandparents/rest of family

Nursery/preschool

TeachersFriends Outside activities.

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Some resources

Twins & Multiple Births – the essential parenting guide (Carol Cooper)

Emotionally Healthy Twins – a new philosophy for parenting two unique children (Joan A Freidman)

Parenting School-age Twins & Multiples (Christina Baglivi Tinglof)

www.twinsandmultiples.org Covers school-years.

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