intentional peer support core competencies – full … peer support core competencies – full...

IntentionalPeerSupportCoreCompetencies–FullVersionMethod:____SelfRating(Staff)____EvaluatorRating____Co-SupervisionRating(Group) ____PeerRating(Guest)____PeerRating(Staff)____Other: Date:_____________

CRITERION1: ENGAGESINCO-LEARNINGRATHERTHANHELPING

IPSDIMENSION Principle1:Learningvs.Helping

DESCRIPTION:

• Seesothersascapableco-learnersandresponsibleadults(vs.non-responsible,fragile,orneedingadvice,guidanceormonitoring)

• Approachesrelationshipwithcuriosityandinterest(vs.setideas,assumptionsandpredictions)• Iseagertolearnfromotheranddiscovertheirinterests,experiences,insightsandtalents• Asksquestionstolearn,exploreandunderstand(vs.assess,problem-solve,teachorcorrect)• Isopentonewwaysoflookingatthings(vs.imposingviewpointsorguidingtheothertolookatthingsinacertainway)

• Iswillingtotryoutnewideasandapproaches(vs.inflexibleandattachedtoafixedideasorwaysdoingthings).• Findswaysto‘staypeer’evenwhenaskedforhelporadvice(vs.assuminganexpertorhelpingrole)• Allowstimefornewunderstandingstoemergeratherthanproblem-solvingorimposingsolutions

PRACTICETIPS(WETRYTO…)

• Stay“peer.”• Regardeachotherascapable,responsibleadultswithuniquegiftsandmuchtocontribute.• Rememberthatmuchof“helplessness”and“fragility”islearned• Becuriousratherthanoperatingfromourownagenda• Resistthetemptationtojumpintoanexpertorhelpingrole–evenwhenaskedforhelporadvice• Seewhatwecanlearnfromsomeoneelse’swayoflookingatthingsratherthanimposingourviewpointorsubtlyguidingotherstoseethingsourway

• Askquestionsratherthangiveanswers• Bewillingtoexperimentwithnewideasandapproaches• Havethecouragetowaitandseewhatemergesratherthanjumpingintoproblem-solvingorgivingadvice.

IntentionalPeerSupportCoreCompetencies–FullVersion

CRITERION1SCORE

1 2 3 4 5

RATINGSCALE Usuallyassumestheroleofhelper,withlittleefforttolearnfromorabouttheother.

Makessomeefforttolearnwithothers,butusuallybeginswithorshiftsintohelping.

Combineshelpingandlearninginapproximatelyequalmeasure.

Primarilylearningwitheachotherbutoccasionallyshiftsintohelping.

Nearlyalwayslearningfromeachother.

EXAMPLE:SarahhasbeentalkingtoLisaforthelastcoupleofweeksandeachtimetheygettogether,LisatellsSarahshe’sdepressed

Youlookdepressed,youshouldwriteinyourjournal.

How’sitgoing?Youlookalittledown,maybeyoushouldwriteinyourjournal.

How’sitgoing?YoulookalittledownbutI’dliketohearwhatyouthinkisgoingon.

Irealizethatmostlyknowyoufromourtalksaboutdepression.I’dliketogettoknowsomeotherthingsaboutyou.

IrealizethatIdon’tknowyoubeyondtalkingaboutyourexperience.I’dlikeforustogettoknoweachothermore.

OUTCOME Naming/simplifyingsomeoneelse’sexperienceandtakingcontrolofsolution.

Learningforboth(e.g.bothpeoplesaythingslike,“I’veneverthoughtaboutitthatwaybefore”).

CRITERION2: FOCUSESONTHERELATIONSHIPANDRELATIONALCARE(VERSUSFOCUSINGONINDIVIDUALSANDINDIVIDUALNEEDS)

IPSDIMENSION: Principle2:Relationshipvs.Individual

DESCRIPTION:

• Proactivelycaresforthehealthoftherelationshipandhowitisworkingforeveryone• Aspirestorelationshipsthatworkwellforallconcerned• Remainsconstantlymindfuloftherelationalqualityofinteraction• Attendstouniversalrelationalneeds-mutualrespect,dignity,interest,engagement,opennesstomultipleperspectives

• Invitesco-reflectiononexperienceofrelationshipandrelationaldynamics,including:○ ebbsandflowsofconnection,disconnectionandreconnection○ impactofdifferingassumptionsorexpectations○ habitsorpatternsofinteracting○ waysofmakingmeaning,and○ mattersofpersonalstatus,privilegeandpower

• Takesresponsibilityforpersonalagendas,assumptions,patterns,etc.,andtheirimpactontherelationship.• Prioritizestheneedsoftherelationship(whatisgoodfortherelationship)overindividualpreferencesorinterests• Sharespersonalexperienceoftherelationshipinwaysthatcanbeheardbyothers• Invitesandencouragesreciprocalfeedbackabouthowtherelationshipisworkingforeveryone.

• Payattentiontoandtalkabout:○ ourexperienceoftherelationship(e.g.howitfeelstoeachofusintermsofconnection/disconnection)○ thewaywerelatewitheachother(e.g.,thedynamicsintherelationship)○ whetherwe’recaringfortheneedsofourrelationship–e.g.,areweofferingeachotherthingslikerespect,dignity,interest,validationofexperiencesandworldview?

○ differencesinstatus,powerandprivilegepower–howdotheseaffectourwayofrelating?○ ourassumptionsandhowtheyimpactourrelationship○ themeaningsweareeachmakingofourinteractionsandwaysofrelatingtoeachother

• Share(inawaythatcanbeheard)○ howtherelationshipisworkingforeveryone○ whatweeacharefeeling,thinking,perceiving,appreciating,hopingforinourrelationship○ whatwillcreateandmaintainconnectionandavoidorpreventdisconnection

CRITERION2SCORE

1 2 3 4 5

RATINGSCALE Giveslittleornoattentiontorelationshiporrelationalcare;almostentirelyfocusedonindividualsandtheirneeds

Demonstratessomeawarenessofrelationshipandtheneedforrelationalcare-thoughtheinteractionisfocusedonindividualneeds

Touchesonrelationshipandrelationalcareinconversation,butfocusisstillonindividualneedsandconcerns

Attendstorelationshipandtheneedforrelationalcaredirectlyinconversation,butmayoccasionallyoverlookthiswhenitisrelevant

Continuallyawareofrelationship;addressesneedforrelationalcarebothproactivelyandspontaneouslyinawaythatdeepensmutualunderstandingandconnection.

I’mheretosupportyouinyourrecovery.

Let’ssharesomeideasaboutwhatmightsupportyourrecovery.

Igotfrustratedinourconversationlastweek,buthowareyoudoingtoday?

Igotfrustratedinourconversationlastweek.Iwishyou’dbemoreopenwithmeinthefuture.

Igotfrustratedinourconversationlastweek.Iwonderhowitwasforyou?

OUTCOME Expert/clienttyperelationship

Friendlyrelationshipwithafocusonindividual

Raisingarelationalneedbutstillfocusedontheindividual

Raisingtheissueofrelationalneeds,butstilltalkingaboutthissomewhatfroma‘myneeds-yourneeds’perspective.

Takesresponsibilityforpersonalneeds,sharesexperienceofrelationship,invitesco-reflectiononhowtherelationshipisworking.

CRITERION3: FOCUSESONHOPEANDPOSSIBILITY(VERSUSFEARANDMANAGINGDISCOMFORT)

IPSDIMENSION Principle3:Hope&Possibilityvs.Fear

DESCRIPTION • Formshope-basedrelationships,focusedon:○ Whatispossible○ Wherewearegoing○ Howwecanco-createsomethingnew

• Whenfearscomeup:○ Takespersonalownershipofthemasownperspective(versusassessingyouas“unsafe”)○ Discussesthemopenly(“Ifeelafraid”)versusimposingownneeds(“Youneedtocalmdown”)○ Sitswithdiscomfortandnegotiatestosharepower(Iwonderifwecouldtalkaboutwhatwearebothwantingtohappenhere?)versusimposingownagenda(“I’mcalling911foryourgood”)

• Activelyexplorestherelationalpossibilitiesfor:○ Learningandgrowingtogetherthroughchallengesandcrisis○ Creatingwhatiswantedinawaythatmakeslifebetterforeveryone

• Bearswitnesstoothers’experiencesfromahope-basedperspective.

• Setourintentiontostaywithhopeandpossibilityversusfear• Keepourfocuson:○ Whatispossible○ Wherewearegoing○ Howwecancreatesomethingnewtogether

• Whenfearscomeup:○ Practicesittingwithdiscomfort(versusreactingortakingover)○ Takepersonalownershipoffearsasourownfears(versusassessingothers)○ Discussourfearsopenly(“Ifeelafraid”)versusimposingourneeds(“Youneedtocalmdown”)○ Negotiateandsharepower(versusimposingouragenda)

• Askourselves:• Whatcanwelearnfromthis?• Whereisthegrowthinthisforeachofus?• Whatisitwereallywanttoseehappen?• Howcanweuseourrelationshipandsupporteachothermovethroughfearintonewpossibilities?

CRITERION3SCORE

1 2 3 4 5

RATINGSCALE Focusesalmostentirelyonfearofillnessandmanagingsymptoms..Possibilitiesbeyondthisarerarelyconsidered.Routinelyimposesfear-basedconcernsonothers.

Stillfear-focused,butabletorecognizesomefear-basedassumptionswhentheyarepointedout.Requiresconsiderablecoachingtoshifttohopeandpossibility.

Sometimesabletoseefear-basedassumptionsonown,andusuallyifpointedout.Sometimesabletoshiftfocustohopeandpossibilityonowninitiative.

Oftenabletofocusonhopeandpossibilityindependently.Usuallyawareofownfears.Sometimesabletoself-correctafterimposingownfearsonothers.

Nearlyalwaysfocusesonexploringpossibilities.Awareofandownspersonalfearsaslimitedbylifeexperience

EXAMPLE:SarahhasbeentalkingtoLisaforthelastcoupleofweeksandeachtimetheygettogether,LisatellsSarahshe’sdepressed.

Yourdepressionisn’tgoingaway.Weneedtocallyourdoctor.

I’mconcernedthatyou’vebeendepressedforsolong.Shouldwecallyourdoctor?

Itworriesmethatyou’vebeendepressedforsolong.Whatdoyouthinkweshoulddo?

I’mhearingthatthesebigfeelingshavebeenstickingaround.Whatwouldyouliketoseehappenfromhere?

Icanstarttofeelkindofstuckwhenbigfeelingsstickaround.What’sitlikeforyou?(Then,ifenoughconnection:Howmightwebetogetherdifferentlythatwouldmeetbothourneeds?)

OUTCOME Optionsareconstrainedbymedicalmodel,riskmanagement,expectationsofillness,individuallimitations,andfearsofbadoutcomes.

Awiderangeofpossibilitiesareexploredinarelationalcontextofencouragementandconnection

CRITERION4: NURTURESANDCULTIVATESCONNECTIONWITHOTHERS

IPSDIMENSION Task1:Connection

DESCRIPTION

• Communicateswarmthandvaluingofotherpeople• Demonstratesopenness,curiosityandinterestinothers’experiences,storiesandperspectives• Invitesandencouragesothers’sharing• Conveysrespect,acceptanceandadesiretounderstand(vs.,e.g.,judgmentorrefutationorcompetition)• Attendstoandreflects:○ Inspiration(whatresonated,capturedattention,sparkedimagination,struckachord)○ Identification(whatitmightbeliketolivelifeinotherperson’sshoes-intheirworldthewaytheyhavecometoexperienceit)

○ Meaning(values,beliefs,hopes,dreams,themes,purposesorcommitmentsthatothersseemtobeexpressing)○ Personalimpact(waystheconversationmoved,touched,inspired,informedorchangedthelistener)○ Relevantpersonalexperience(howthelisteneraccountsfortheirownresponsesbasedonownlifeexperiences)

• Appreciatesandvalidatescorefeelings,themes,meaningsandunderstandings• Respondsinsyncwiththeotherperson’semotion,intensity,toneandcapacityforpayingattention• Risksvulnerability○ Offersrelevantpersonalexperiencesandperspectives○ Allowsthemselvestobepersonallyimpactedandsharesaboutthisinawaythatdeepenstheconnection

• Whendisconnectionhappens:○ Recognizesthisandtakesstepstocareforrelationalneeds○ Ownsownpartandseekstofacilitateshonest,authenticreconnection.○ Maintainshopethatconnectionandreconnectioncanbecomepossible.

• Offercuriosity,interest,acceptance,warmthandengagement• Payattentiontowhereweconnectandwhatwehaveincommon,versusgettingside-trackedbydifferencesordislikes.

• Findwaystoconnectevenwhenothers’perspectivesorexperiencesaredifferentfromourown• Listenactivelyandaskourselves:○ Whatresonates,capturesattention,strikesachord,sparksimagination?(inspiration)○ Whatwouldittaketosurvivelifethisperson’sshoes-intheirworld,fromtheirperspective,thewaytheyhavecometoexperienceit…?(identification)

○ Whatcorevalues,beliefs,hopes,dreams,purposesorcommitmentsdoestheirstorysuggest?(meaning)○ What“heroes”storyaretheytellingabouttheirexperienceasahumanbeing?(meaning)○ Howhavewebeenmoved,changed,enlarged,enlightenedasaresultofourrelationship(personalimpact)○ Whyhavewebeentouchedbytheotherperson’sexperience?(relevantpersonalexperience)○ Whataboutourownstoriesaccountsforthis?(relevantpersonalexperience)

• Riskvulnerability:○ Letothersknowthepositivewaystheconnectionisaffectingus○ Validatecorefeelings,themesandmeanings○ Offersrelevantpersonalexperiencesandperspectives○ Allowsthemselvestobepersonallyimpactedandsharesaboutthisinawaythatdeepenstheconnection

• Payattentiontothe“feel”ofwhattheotherpersonissharing.○ Getasenseoftheirtone,emotion,intensityandcapacityforpayingattention○ Whatspirit/energydoesthatevokeinyou?○ Isthereawaytorespondfromthatplace?○ Whenwe’rejustgettingtoknowpeople,shorton-pointstory‘snippets’oftenworkbetterforbuildingconnectionthantheepic-lengthversionmanyofuseventuallysharewithpeopleweknowwell.

• Whendisconnectionhappens:○ Remainrespectfulevenwhenothersdoorsaysomethingthatraisespersonaldiscomfort○ Gobacktorelationalneeds:What’smissing?Howcanwecarefortherelationalneedsofallconcerned?○ Reflectonourownpart:What’shappeningformehereintermsofmyownneeds&myownlifeexperience?○ Shareinwaysthatcanbeheard:Behonest,authenticandsincere,butalsoremembertohonormultipleperspectives

○ Leadwithvulnerability:“Mypart&whatI’mhopingtododifferentlyis…”○ Moveintohope&possibility:“I’msharingthisbecauseI’dreallylikeustohavethekindofrelationshipthat…”○ Inviteco-reflection:“Iwonderwhatyourexperiencewas&howyou’refeelingaboutthingsnow…?”

CRITERION4SCORE

1 2 3 4 5

RATINGSCALE Unawareofimpactonrelationshipofvaluingorvalidatingresponses.Typicallydevaluesandinvalidatestheotherintheinteraction

Someattentiontorelationalimpactofvaluingandvalidation.Communications,onbalance,remaindevaluingandinvalidating

Intermittentattentiontorelationalimpactofvaluingandvalidation.Communicationsareinconsistentormixed.

Frequentattentiontorelationalimpactofvaluingandvalidation.Communications,onbalance,arevaluingandvalidating

Continualawarenessrelationalimpactsrelatedtovaluingandvalidation.Valuingandvalidatingarecommunicatednaturally,fluentlyandconsistently

Whydon’tyoujustgetoverit,youcan’talwaysbedepressed.

Depressionishardbutmaybeyou’retoofocusedonit.

Itmustbehardforyou.Youmustbetiredbutyouhavetorememberthatyou’llgetthroughit.

Soundslikethingshavebeenreallyhardforyoulately.

Icanimaginethatit’sbeenreallyhardforyoulately.IrememberatimewhenitseemedtheonlythingIfeltwasdepressed.

OUTCOME Invalidatesanddisconnectsfromotherperson.

Peoplefeelseen,heardandvalidatedandknowthatthey’renotalone

CRITERION5: ISAWAREOFTHEPOWEROFLANGUAGETOCREATEREALITY

IPSDIMENSION Task2:Worldview(PowerofLanguage)

DESCRIPTION • Isawareofthedominantcultureworldviews(e.g.,medicalmodel,psychiatriclabeling,institutionalizedpowerandprivilege)inherentinmuchofeverydaylanguage

• Invitesawarenessofmedical,clinicalorpopularjargonthatdefineshumanexperiencesinthelanguageofdominantcultureassumptionsabout‘mentalillness.’

• Usespeople-friendly,everydaylanguagetodescribehumanexperience.Thisincludesthelanguageof:○ ordinaryexperience(e.g.,feelingoverwhelmed,seeingthingsothersdidn’t)versusmedicaljargonorlabeling(e.g.,decompensate,psychotic)

○ curiosity(e.g.,Iwonderwhatshe’sfeeling?)insteadofassumptionsofillness(e.g.shemustbesick)○ acceptance(that’satoughsituation,I’vebeenthere)vs.judgments(e.g.,thatwasstupid,heshouldhaveknownbetter)

○ neutral,sensoryobservations(saw,heard,touched,tasted,smelled)thattakeintoaccountsituationandcontext(shewalkedoutoftheroomfasterandmoreenergeticallythansheusuallydoes)versusvalues-ladengeneralizationsthatprojectfixedcategoriesorpermanence(e.g.,womenaretoosensitive!;she’sgettingmanic)

○ transparencyandself-disclosure(shecameacrossasverypersuasivetome)versusexpertcharacterizations(e.g.,sheisthebestadvocatearound)

• Intentionallyuseslanguageinserviceoflisteningtounderstandandopenupworldview• Explorestheuntoldstoryofhowmedicallanguageusagedeveloped• Invitesotherstodescribetheirexperiencesusinglanguagethatmakesenseforthem

• Cultivateawarenessofourlanguageandhowweuseit• Thinkcriticallyaboutwhatwordsmean–especiallyifwesaythemalotorhearthemrepeatedbyothers○ Whatdotheymeantousineverydaylanguage?○ Whatexperiencesandmeaningsdotheystandfor?○ Whatworldviewofourselvesandourpossibilitiesdotheypromote?○ Dothewordsreinforcestatusquoassumptionsaboutpowerandprivilegeorhelptodeconstructit?

• Rememberthatexperiencesandpeopleareforeverchanging–sothebestdescriptionsstayspecifictosituationandcontext

• Usethelanguageofeverydayexperience(seeabove)• Staypeerandbetransparent.Thismeansowningourexperienceasourexperience(e.g.,shecameacrossasverypersuasivetome)versustalkinglikeexperts(e.g.,she’sthebestadvocateintown)

CRITERION5SCORE

1 2 3 4 5

RATINGSCALE Unconsciousofjargonandlabeling.Nearlyalwaysusesdehumanizinglanguagethatlabelsthosereceivingservicesandtheirexperiences

Developingawarenessofjargonandlabeling.Languageuseacknowledgesbasichumanityofpeoplereceivingservices

Awareofjargonandlabeling.Languageshowscompassionandconcernforthosereceivingservices

Oftenuseseverydaylanguagetodescribeexperiences.Allowsroomforpeoplereceivingservicestodescribeanddefinetheirownexperiences

Consistentlyuseslanguageofeverydayexperience.Invitesotherstodescribeanddefinetheirownexperiencesinwaysthatmakesensetothem.

Youneedtofacefacts:Youhaveclinicaldepressionandyou’vegottenreallyperseverativeandattention-seeking

Itlookslikeyou’rehavingarecurrenceofseveredepression.That’sprobablycausingalotofyourruminatingandself-absorption

Youseemtohavesomerealmoodchallengesandthesymptomsputstressonyoursocialfunctioning.

You’vetalkedabout“beingdepressed”thelasttwotimeswe’vemet.Whatdoes“beingdepressed”looklikeforyou?

Iusedtocallmybigfeelings“depression.”Thatmeantsomethingformydoctors,soIguessIjustwentwithit.Butafterawhile,IrealizedIhadstoppedpayingattentiontowhat“depression”meanttome.I’mwonderingifyouthinkaboutwhatdepressionmeansforyou?

OUTCOME Peopleareassessed,labeled,categorizedand,judged,reinforcingadehumanizingillnessframework

Peoplefeelfreetodefinetheirownexperiences;languageofdominantculture/medicalmodel(illness/diagnosis)ismerelyoneofchoiceamongmany.

CRITERION6: LISTENSTOOPENUPANDEXPLOREWORLDVIEW.

IPSDIMENSION Task2:Worldview:(ListeningDifferently)

DESCRIPTION • Isawareofworldviewanditsimportanceinpeersupport• Understandsthattheworldviewisbasedonmyriaddiversepersona,environmentalandexperientialfactorsandisthereforedifferentforeveryone

• Understandshowexperiencewiththedominantculture,includingmedicalandclinicalconstructionsofillness,impactworldviewformation.

• Isawareofownworldviewandkeyfactorsinhowitwasformed.• Readilyexaminesownworldviewassumptions,withandwithoutinvitationorchallengefromothers.• Iscomfortablewith,andabletoaffirmandvalidatemultipleperspectivesdifferentfromone’sown• Activelyworkstoholdownworldviewlightly,andlistentoothers“fromapositionofnotknowing”• Recognizesthattheinitial“toldstory”isonlythetipoftheicebergandisinfluencedbytheteller’sassumptionsaboutthelistenerandwhatthelistenerwantstohear

• Listensfor,andinvitesexplorationof,the“untoldstory”,includingkeyfeelings,thoughts,experiences,themes,andmeaningsthathaveremainedunspoken.

• Exploresothers’worldviewassumptionsanduntoldstoriesfromaplaceofgenuinevaluing,respect,curiosity,non-judgmentandinterest.

Listeningfortheuntoldstory• Rememberthatour“toldstories”areonlythetipoftheiceberg.• The“untoldstory”iseverythingelsebelowthesurface.Thisincludes:○ Thehugemassofexperienceswithself,othersandourworldthathavecontributedtowhoweareandhowweseetheworldtoday(worldview).

○ Ourfeelings,thoughts,sensations,experiences(physical,social,cultural,environmental,internal,sensations,dreams,visions,self-talk,voices),family,relationships,culture,education,lifethemes,memories,longings,personalmeanings–evenourgenesandbiology-makeacontribution.

• Cluestoouruntoldstoriescomeinmanyforms–choiceofwords,intensity,energy,facialexpressions,howfastwe’retalking,toneofvoice,howwecarryourselvesorphysicallyuseourbodiestoexpresswhatwe’refeelingorthinking

Listeningfromapositionofnotknowing• It’seasytomakeassumptionswhenpartsofourtoldstoriesstarttomatchup.However,weneedtobemindfulthat

ouruntoldstoriesarealwaysgoingtobedifferentinsomeuniqueandimportantways.• Wealsoneedtokeepinmindthatwe’renotassessingordiagnosingeachother–we’retryingtounderstandandappreciatewhateachotherisexperiencing.

• Agoodwaytopracticethisis“listeningfromapositionof‘notknowing.’”• Somequestionswecanaskfromapositionof“notknowing”include:○ Helpmeunderstand…○ Iwonder…○ Howdidyoulearn…○ Whatmakesthatso…(hard,scary…)

CRITERION6SCORE

1 2 3 4 5

RATINGSCALE Unconsciousofworldview.Nearlyalwaystakesownandother’stoldstoryatfacevalue.Worldviewdifferencesareseenas“rightorwrong”

Developingawarenessofworldviewformation.Conversationstaysmostlyonthesurface.Someworldviewsareclearlybetterthanothers.

Consciousofworldview.Startingtoexploreandopenupuntoldstory.Stillrespondsfromaplaceof‘knowing,butbeginningtoacknowledgealternateperspectives.

Consciouslyexploringworldviewandopeninguptheuntoldstory.Nolongerpresumestoknowother’sexperienceorhaveanswersforthem.Invitesandrespectsalternateperspectives.

Explorationofworldviewanduntoldstoryareintegratedandnatural,responses.Eschewsassumptionsaboutothers’experiences.Demonstratesdeeprespectandappreciationofmultipleperspectives.

You’rechronicallydepressed;Youshouldseeyourdoctor.

You’vebeenprettydepressedlately.Itmightbegoodifyoucalledyourdoctor.

You’vetalkedaboutfeelingdepressedforawhilenow.Whatwouldyouthinkaboutcallingyourdoctor?

You’vebeentellingmeyou’re“depressed.”Itsoundsreallypainful.Whatdoes‘depressed’meanforyou?

Iknowwhat“depressed”meansforme.ButIwanttounderstandwhatit’slikeforyou.Canyoutellmemoreaboutwhatyou’reexperiencing?

OUTCOME Conversationsarelimitedbythespeaker’sinitialassumptionsaboutthelistenerandthelistener’sworldviewofwhatthespeakertalksabout,withlittlenewlearningormeaningfulconnection.

Conversationsexploreandopenuptheworldviewassumptionsand“untoldstories”ofeveryoneinvolved,resultingindeepenedunderstandingandconnectionwithselfandothers.

CRITERION7: ASPIRESTOMUTUALLYRESPONSIBLERELATIONSHIPSTHATWORKFOREVERYONE

IPSDIMENSION Task3:Mutuality(MutualResponsibility)

DESCRIPTION: • Strivesforrelationshipsthatworkforeveryone• Activelyinvitesandmakesspaceforeveryone’sperspectives• Neitherignoresnorimposesownneedsandinterestsonothers• Valuesothers’concerns,interestsandperspectivesonaparwithone’sown• Negotiatesrelationalneedsandinterestsinwaysthatworkforallconcerned(selfaswellasothers)• Seekstonegotiatepowerandprivilegeinwaysthatworkforeveryone○ Isawarepowerandprivilegeheldbyselfandothers○ Invitesmutualexplorationofimpactonrelationship○ andrelationaldynamics

• Facilitationeffortsresultinanengaged,collaborative,creativeprocessforallconcerned.

• Beawareofourownneedsandinterests• Inviteandlearnaboutotherpeoples’needsandinterests• Thinkaboutwhatwillmakeforagoodrelationship• Whenthingsgetsticky,takeastepback&thinkaboutthisfromtheperspectiveofeveryoneintherelationship!○ Whatcommonrelationalneedsandinterestsdoweshare?○ Howarewedifferent?○ Whatmightbedifferentifwevaluedtheotherperson’sneedsonaparwithourown(oriftheyvaluedourneedsonthesamelevelastheirs)?

○ Isthereawaytonavigatethisthatmightworkforeveryone?• Payattentiontopowerandprivilege-ourownandotherspeoples:○ Howareissuesofpowerandprivilegeimpactingourrelationship?○ Whatareourworldviewsaboutpowerandprivilege?○ Whatuntoldstoriesdowehaveabouteachotheraroundtheseissues?○ Wheredotheycomefrom?○ Isthisthefirsttimetheseissueshavecomeup–ordoweeachhaveearlieruntoldstories?○ Howdoourpriorexperiencesaffectourabilitytosharepowerandnegotiatemutuality?○ Isthereawayofrelating/negotiatingthisthatmightworkforallofus?

CRITERION7SCORE

1 2 3 4 5

RATINGSCALE

Noapparentattentiontocreatingrelationshipsthatworkforeveryone.Needsandinterestsareignoredorunilaterallyassertedwithlittleattemptatnegotiation

Beginningawarenessofmutualityandsharedresponsibility.Relationshipnegotiationsremaininfrequentandinconsistent.Needsandinterestsaremostlyignoredorunilaterallyasserted.

Awareofmutualityandsharedresponsibility.Relationshipnegotiationsseektoaddresseveryone’sneedsandinterests,thoughgenuineco-creationisoftenlacking

Importanceofmutualityandsharedresponsibilityisfullyappreciated.Genuinedialogueisinvitedtonegotiaterelationalneedsandinterests.

Practiceofmutualityandsharedresponsibilityappearsnaturalandorganic.Relationshipsarenegotiatedinwaysthatappearbothco-creativeandinspired.

“I’mhappytolistentowhateveryouwanttoshare.”OR“Stopbeingsuchanattentionhog–we’realwaystalkingaboutyou”

“Icanlistenagainifyoureallyneedmeto…”OR“I’mgettingtiredoflisteningsomuch–I’dthinkitshouldbemyturnthisweek.

“Icanlistenforawhile,butI’dliketotalkaboutmesometoo”

Weseemtobetalkingaboutdepressionalot.I’dliketolookathowthat’sworkingforbothofus.

IhavesomethingI’dliketotalkabouttogether.Itfeelsalittlehardtometobringup,butI’dstilllikeitifwecouldtry.Wouldthatbeokwithyou?

OUTCOME Relationshipsbecomeimbalancedandunhealthyforeveryone.Coreneedsareneverdiscussedornegotiated.Participantsfeeldissatisfiedanddisconnected.

Mutualityandsharedresponsibilityareopenlydiscussedandnegotiated.Living,dynamicrelationshipsthatworkforeveryoneinthemareco-createdovertime.

CRITERION8: SHARESTHERISKOFNEGOTIATINGCHALLENGESANDDISCOMFORTRELATIONALLY

IPSDIMENSION Task3:Mutuality(SharedRisk)

DESCRIPTION: • Resistsurgetotakepowerorcontrolinthefaceofpersonaldiscomfort• Activelyworkstosharepowerandresponsibilityduringtimesofchallenge,conflictordiscomfort.• Ownsandtakesresponsibilityforpersonaldiscomfortandreactivity,andholdsspaceforotherstodothesame.• Activelyuses(orcollaborativelyexploreswaystouse)therelationshipasaresourceto:○ exploreandexaminepersonalworldview/untoldstoriescontributingtodiscomfort○ riskgenuineness,vulnerabilityandtransparencyinmovingtowarddeeperconnectionandmutuality○ listentoandappreciatetheworldview/experiencesoftheotherpersonasbeingtrueandvalidforthem○ managethediscomfortanduncertaintyofmovingbeyondoldpatternsandexploringnewfrontiers○ holdfaiththatconnection/reconnection,mutualityandmovingtowardarepossibleeveninthefaceofseriouschallenge,disagreementordiscomfort

• Resistanurgetocontrol• Selfreflectandacknowledgefear/anger/conflict.○ Isthisanoldresponsetosometoughfeelings?○ Canwefindawaytalktogetheraboutit?○ Whatmightweeachinordertostayinrelationshipandhavethiskindofconversation?

• Makespacefortheothertotellhis/herstory• Rememberthatanyone’srealityisvalidforthepersonexperiencingit.• Trytounderstandandvalidatewheretheotherpersoniscomingfrom• Nottakeourdifferencepersonally–weeachhaveourownworldviewsforgoodreasons• Notmakeanyone’sworldviewrightorwrong–it’sjustoneworldviewofazillionpossibleworldviews• Holdontoourownworldviewwhileatthesametimeholdinguptheworldviewsofothers• Inquirewhatwebothneedandwant• Striveforrelationshipsthatworkforeveryone

Aprocessfornegotiatingconflictandworldviewdifferences• Eachshare&validateforeachother:○ Whatneedstohappen/changeinourrelationshiptomakeitworkforeachofus?○ Whydowefeelthisway?(untoldstory)

○ Whydowethinkweknowthis?(Whatexperienceshavecontributedtoourperspective?)• Compareandcontrast:○ Noticetogetherwhereweagree(worldviews/experiences/needs/wants,etc.)○ Validateourplacesofagreement

• Wherearewedifferent(worldviews/experiences/needs/wants,etc)?○ Noticethistogether.○ Validateoursittingwiththisdiscomfort

• Validateandnegotiateour‘alternaterealities’:○ Worldviewdifferences=twopeopleinexperiencingrealitydifferently=“alteraterealities”○ Ask:• IfIhadexperiencedwhatyouaredescribing…• AndifIsawthingstheinthewayyounowseethem…• Then,whatwouldIbefeeling,experiencingorwantingrightnow?

○ Shareandvalidatethat.• Negotiateourrelationalneedsbasedonwhatwehavejustlearnedabouteachother• Holdingourrelationalneedsclearlyinmind,rinse&repeattheaboveprocesswithindividualneeds• Seewherethatleads….

CRITERION8SCORE

1 2 3 4 5

RATINGSCALE Notwilling&/orabletotolerateornegotiatediscomfort(e.g.,fear,angerorconflict),uncertaintyorrisk.Unquestioningrelianceontraditionalservices.

Abletotoleratesomediscomfort,uncertaintyorrisk.Willingtonegotiatesomewhat,butheavyrelianceontraditionalservices

Willingtotoleratesignificantdiscomfort,uncertaintyorrisk.Opentogenuinenegotiation,butprefersinvolvingtraditionalservices

Readilytoleratesdiscomfort,uncertaintyandrisk.Engagesingenuinenegotiationaroundconcernsandoptions,thoughstillsomewhatgearedtowardmanagingsymptoms.

Fullyacceptsdiscomfort,uncertaintyandriskasanecessarypartoftheprocess.Sharesinvulnerabilityandinvitesmutualexplorationofconcerns,meaningsandpossibilities

EXAMPLE:SarahhasbeentalkingtoLisaforthelastcoupleofweeksandeachtimetheygettogether,LisatellsSarahshe’sdepressed.TodayshetellsSarahshe’sreadytoendit!

I’llhavetocallemergencyservices

Howseriousareyou?Doyouthinkweshouldcallemergencyservices?

Ifeelafraidwhenyousayyou’regoingtoendit.Iwonderifweshouldcallemergencyservices?

Ifeelafraidwhenyousayyou’regoingtoendit.Iwonderwhatwecandotomakeyoufeelbetter?

Ifeelafraidwhenyousayyou’regoingtoenditbutIrealizeIdon’tknowwhatyoumeanbysayingyou’rereadytoendit

OUTCOME Passthis‘safety’problemontosomeonewho‘knowsmorethanhedoes’,aprofessional;coercion

Peopleconsiderdiscomfortanaturalpartofthelearningprocess.Moreabilitytoworkthroughhardtimeswithoutprofessionalintervention.Peoplefeelmorecapableandhavehopeevenindifficultsituations.

CRITERION9: DIRECTSENERGYANDATTENTIONTOWARDWHATISWANTEDANDHOWITCANBECREATED

IPSDIMENSION Task4:MovingTowards(versusAwayFrom)

DESCRIPTION • Invitesmutualsharingaroundvalues,hopes,dreams,possibilitiesandaspirationsforliving.• Validatesandcreativelyworkswith(ratherthanagainst)theother’senergy,interests,perspectives,realities,andmeanings

• Personalandrelationalenergyandattentionarenaturally,continuallymovingtoward:○ whatiswantedandhowitcouldbecreated(versusmovingawayfromwhatisn’torcan’t)○ openinguppossibilitiesandnewperspectives(versusproblemsandproblem-solving)○ values,aspirationsandambitionsforlivingwell(versusfocusingonlimitationsandhowtocopewithinthem)○ jointcreation,exploration,anddiscovery(versusindividualgoalsandgoal-setting)○ optimalhumanandrelationalfunctioning(versusindividualdiagnosisandtreatmentplans)○ relationalandcommunitydevelopment(versuslocatingproblemsinindividuals)

• Tryputtingourenergyandattentioninto:○ exploringandenvisioningwhatiswanted-versuswhatisbad,wrongornotwanted○ seeingwhatemergesfromworkingtogether-versusgettingtoofocusedonmakinggoalsandachievingthem○ sharingandbuildingonideasandexperiences-versusworryingaboutproblemsandsolvingthem

• Exploretogetherhowwecan:○ usecrisisorchallengetolearnandgrow○ makeourlivesbetterbycreatingwhatwereallywant○ changeourrelationshipsandsocietysothateveryoneishappierandhealthier

CRITERION9SCORE

1 2 3 4 5

RATINGSCALE Focusesonmovingawayfromproblems.Attentionisdirectedtoproblem-solvingandindividualgoals

Someawarenessofmovingtowardwhatiswanted,butstillfocusesonproblem-solvingandindividualsolutions.

Invitesmovingtowardwhatiswanted.Individualandrelationalconceptsaremixed,asareproblem-solvingandco-creating

Consistentlyinvitesmovingtowardwhatiswanted,usingrelationalandco-creatingfocus

Co-creativemovingtowardpossibilitiesnaturallyemergesfromwayofbeinginrelationshipwithothers

You’vegottoomuchgoingon.Juststopdoingsomuch!

You’llfeelbetterifyoutakebettercareofyourselfanddon’tgetsoover-extended

Gosh,we’vebeentalkingalotaboutdepressionlately.Maybeyou’dfeelbetterifwetalkedaboutsomethingelse

Iwonderwhatmightbedifferentinourrelationshipifourfocuswasn’tondepression?Whatwouldyouratherfeel?

Ihavebigfeelingsthatstaywithmesometimestoo.Iwaswondering,couldweuseourrelationshiptotrysomethingdifferent?Whatwouldyouthinkofthat?

OUTCOME(INTERMSOFRELATIONAL/POWERDYNAMICSANDROLES(EXPERT–CLIENT)

ThinkthatthatIamagoodpeersupportworkeronlywhenIamhelpingpeoplewiththeirproblems.

Personfeelsvalidatedyetcuriousaboutother(new,relational)waysofresponding

CRITERION10: CULTIVATESSELF-AWARENESSINSERVICEOFRELATIONALNEEDS

IPSDIMENSION IntegrationSkill:RelationalSelf-Awareness

DESCRIPTION • Activelyreflectsontheexperienceofselfinrelationship• Isawareofownworldviewandhowitdeveloped,includingpersonalfeelings,thoughts,attitudes,assumptions,judgments,agendas,power,privilege,defaultsandpatterns

• Isabletodistinguishshared(consensual)realityfromnon-shared(private)reality○ Recognizesthelimitationsofownworldviewandexperienceofreality○ Takesownershipofownperspectivewhensharingexperiencesorofferingfeedbacktoothers○ Doesnotimposeownworldviewonothersorexpectorrequireotherstoshareit○ Isabletosuspendownandopentootherperspectives

• Welcomesrelationaldifferences(experiences/perspectives/beliefs/judgments)asanopportunitytolearnandgrow• Resiststhetendencytoblameothersforuncomfortablefeelings○ Usesrelationaldifferencesordiscomfortproactivelytonoticeandexaminepersonalagendas,patterns,defaultresponsesandworldviewassumptions

○ Asksandexploreswithcuriosityandinterest:“Whatismypart?○ Invitesandencouragesotherstosharealternateperspectivesandexperiencesthatchallengepersonalagendasandworldviewassumptions

• Usesself-awarenesstobuildconnectionbybeingtransparent,approachableandauthentic

• Cultivateourcapacitytobeself-reflective• Payattentionto:○ whatattracts,intrigues,inspired,drawsattention,interest○ whatcreatesdiscomfort,fear,anger,intensity,judgmentandreactivity○ motivations,assumptionsandagendas

• Seerelationaldifferencesandchallengesasanopportunitytolearnandgrow• Becomeconsciousofourdefaultresponsesandhowtheythatimpactourrelationships• Askourselves:“Whatismypart?”• Inviteotherstochallengeusinawaywecanhear(itcanhelptomakesuggestionsofhowtheycandothis)• Useourself-awarenesstobuildconnectionbybecomingtransparent,approachableandauthentic

CRITERION10SCORE

1 2 3 4 5

RATINGSCALE Unawareof,ornotinterestedin,howownvaluesandassumptionsaffectrelationalinteractions.

Showssomerecognitionofownvaluesandassumptionsbutcontinuestoimposesthemothers.

Generallyabletoidentifyownvaluesandassumptions.Mixedsuccessinrefrainingfromimposingtheseonothers.

Awareof,andwillingtoown,valuesandassumptions.Consciouslyavoidsimposingthemonothers.Abletoacknowledgeandself-correctasneeded.

Deepawarenessofownvaluesandassumptions.Usesself-disclosureandtransparencytofurthermutualexplorationandrelationalconnection

Youneedtolistenbetter.Ijusttoldyouwhatworkedforme

Irealizethatnoteverythingthat’sworkedformewillworkforyoubutatleastyoushouldtryit.

Irealizethatnoteverythingthat’sworkedformewillworkforyou.

IrealizeI’vequietlybeenpushingmyownagendasoI’dliketoworktowardsnoticingwhenmyagendaseemstocomeup.

I’mfeelingalittleuncertainrightnow.Howwouldyoulikemetorespondwhenyoutellmeyou’redepressed?

OUTCOME Othersfeelunheard,shutdownandrolledover,leadingtofrequentdisconnection

Transparencyandauthenticityleadtotrust,mutualsharinganddeepeningconnection

CRITERIA11 GIVESDIFFICULTMESSAGESWITHDUALAWARENESSOFOTHERWORLDVIEWSANDONE’SOWN

IPSDIMENSION IntegrationSkill:ReflectiveFeedback(GivingFeedback)

DESCRIPTION • Preparesthefeedback:○ Acknowledgesandappreciatesothers’positivecontributions○ Looksatthesituationthroughthelensoftheotherperson’slifeexperience,inadditiontoone’sown○ Considerswhetherownworldviewisareflectionofprivilegeorbias○ Considershowtoofferfeedbackinawaythatcanbeheard○ Framesfeedbackaroundobservationratherthanjudgment○ Movestowardwhatiswantedversusawayfromwhatisn’t○ Keepsthefocusonmovingtowardswhatiswantedfortherelationship(e.g.,closeness,connection,trust)ratherthanawayfromwhatisn’twanted(dishonesty,dirtydishes)

• Ensuresconnection• Askspermission• Inviteshonestresponsebyotherstofeedbackoffered• Validatesother’sresponseanddemonstrateswillingnesstolearnandbechangedbywhattheyhaveshared

• Beforeofferingfeedback:○ Totheextentpossible,lookatthesituationthroughthelensoftheotherperson’slifeexperience,inadditiontoourown

○ Askswhetherourworldviewisareflectionofprivilegeorbias○ Considerhowtoofferfeedbackinawaythatcanbeheard• Framefeedbackaroundobservationratherthanjudgment• WhatdidIsee,hear,smell,taste?• Howdidthatimpactme&why?(ownthisasmyexperience)

○ Keepthefocusonmovingtowardswhatwewantfortherelationship(e.g.,closeness,connection,trust,mutuality)ratherthanawayfromwhatwedon’twant(dishonesty,inconsiderateness,amessykitchen)

• Acknowledgeandappreciatetheotherpersons’positivecontributions• Ensureconnection(Ifwedon’tfeelconnected,waitingisoftenagoodoption)• Askpermission• Offerthefeedbackyouhavetakenthetimetocarefullyconsider• Makeclearthatwe’reofferingthefeedbackbecausewewanttocreatearelationshiparoundthingswegenuinely

value,notbecausewe’retryingtocreatedistanceormoveawayfromrelationship• Invite&makespaceforanhonestresponsefromtheotherperson• Validatetheirresponseandreallytrytohearit:○ Nowwearegettingfeedback!○ That’sgoodformutualityandwecanusetheskillsinthenextcompetencytoreallyhearthepersonout.

CRITERION11SCORE

1 2 3 4 5

RATINGSCALE(GIVINGFEEDBACK)

Failstoownownexperienceorallowspaceforother’sexperienceingivingfeedbackordifficultmessages

Someeffortismadetoownownexperienceorallowforother’sexperience,butthefeedbackretainsaclearunilateraltone.

Isabletoownownexperienceandallowforother’sexperience.Thefeedbacktakesonanappreciablymutualtone.

Feedbackisfullyownedandother’sexperienceisactivelysought.Theconversationbecomesameanstodeepenawareness/appreciationofotherworldviews

Offersfeedbackinawaythatsharesownexperienceandopensroomformutualsharing,learningandgrowth.Dialogueisinvitedinaseamless,integratedmannerthatnaturallydeepensrelationalconnection.

EXAMPLE:SarahhasbeentalkingtoLisaforthelastcoupleofweeksandeachtimetheygettogether,LisatellsSarahshe’sdepressed.SarahoffersLisareflectivefeedback.

Nooneisdepressedallthetime.

Nooneisdepressedallthetime.I’mreallyfrustratedthatwe’retalkingaboutthisagain.

SometimesIgetstuckindepressionandit’sallIcantalkabout.Couldthatbegoingonforyou?

What’sitbeenlikeforyouthatourconversationshavebeensofocusedondepression?IknowthatsometimesIfinditdifficult,butI’dliketoknowwhatit’slikeforyou.

I’venoticedthatwhenwegettogetherwetendtotalkaboutfeelinglow.Forme,therewasatimeIfeltsooverwhelmedbymyfeelings,thattheywereallIfeltliketalkingabout.Ikindofgotstuckthere.Iwonderwhatit’sbeenlikeforyou?

OUTCOME Othersfeeljudgedanddisconnected;relationshipsuffersasaresultoffeedback

Feedbackenhancesrelationship,buildstrustanddepth,leadingtomutualwillingnesstoworkthroughdiscomfort

CRITERIA12: RECEIVESDIFFICULTMESSAGESWITHDUALAWARENESSOFOTHERWORLDVIEWSANDONE’SOWN

IPSDIMENSION IntegrationSkill:ReflectiveFeedback(ReceivingFeedback)

DESCRIPTION • Demonstratesinterest,opennessandwillingnesstolistenandlearn• Remainsawareof-andowns-personalreactivityanddefenses• Listenstounderstandothers’needsandconcerns(versusdefendagainstthemorcriticize)• Considerswhetherownworldviewisareflectionofprivilegeorbias• Invitesandcreatesspaceforworldviewdifferences,mutualnegotiationandpower-sharing• Maintainsfocusonmovingtowardswhatiswantedratherthanawayfromwhatisn’twanted• Followsguidelinesforgivingfeedbackwhenresponding

• Beawareofourdefenses• Rememberthereisagrainoftruthinallcriticalfeedback• Beopentoothers’worldviews• Ask(self&/orothers):“Inthelightofthisfeedback,whatpossibilitiescanwe“movetowards”?

CRITERION12SCORE

1 2 3 4 5

RATINGSCALE(RECEIVINGFEEDBACK)

Failstoallowspaceforothers’experienceorconsider‘ownpart’whenreceivingfeedbackordifficultmessages

Makessomeefforttoacknowledgeothers’experienceor‘ownpart’whenreceivingfeedbackordifficultmessages,butthefeedbackismostlyrejected.

Bothacknowledgesothers’experienceand‘ownpart’whenreceivingfeedbackordifficultmessages.Theconversationtakesonanappreciablymutualtone.

Other’sexperienceandownpartarefullyacknowledged.Adeeperunderstandingisactivelysought.Mutuallearningisapparent.

Receivesfeedbackinaseamless,integratedwaythatnaturallydeepensrelationalconnection.Validatesothers’experience,acknowledgesownpartandopensdoortomutualsharing,learningandgrowth.

EXAMPLE:SarahhasbeentalkingtoLisaforthelastcoupleofweeksandeachtimetheygettogether,LisatellsSarahshe’sdepressed.WhenSarahoffersLisafeedback,Lisaresponds.

Iamtoodepressed–you’rejustlikeeveryoneelse!OrYou’reright.Imustbefakingit.

Don’tgetfrustrated.Ican’thelpit.I’mjustsodepressed.

It’shardformetohearwhatyou’resaying,butmaybeit’strue…MaybeIneedtochange.

Ididn’tknowyoufeltthatway.I’dliketohearmore.Maybeitisapatternforme…

Huh.IguessIhadn’treallybeenpayingattention.Itwasjustsonicetohavesomeonelistenandbethereforme.IguessIkindofforgetthatthereweretwoofushere.What’sthatbeenlikeforyou…?

OUTCOME Othersfeeljudgedanddisconnected;relationshipsuffersasaresultoffeedback

Feedbackenhancesrelationship,buildstrustanddepth,leadingtomutualwillingnesstoworkthroughdiscomfort

CRITERION13: PARTICIPATESREGULARLYANDMEANINGFULLYINCO-REFLECTION

IPSDIMENSION IntegrativePractice:Co-Reflection

DESCRIPTION • Attendsco-supervisionregularly• Showsuppreparedandontime• Readilyidentifiesareasforpersonallearningandgrowth• Expressescuriosityaboutothers’intentionsandaspirationsforco-learning• Maintainsconnection,mutualityandactivelycaresforrelationshipswithco-participants• Listensforworldview,untoldstoriesandfromapositionofnotknowingwithco-participantss• Exploresdifferencesinpowerandprivilegeandtheirrelationalimpactwithco-participants• Initiatesself-reflectionandreceivesandgivesreflectivefeedbackinwaysthatfurthermutuallearningandgrowth• Maintainsattitudesofhope,possibility,co-learning,co-creationandmovingtowardduringco-reflectionperiod

Introductorynote:IPSislikeamartialartorotherendeavorthatrequiresdiscipline,trainingandpractice.Regularco-reflectionispartofthisregulardiscipline.ItopensourpracticetotheinsightsofothersandteachesustoapplytheprinciplesandtasksofIPStoeverydaycontexts.Fewofuswouldcallourselveskaratemastersaftertakinganentrylevelkarateclass.Werecognizethatdevelopinganadvancedskillrequiresongoingstudyandpractice.• Setatime• Setanintentionforwhatwe’lldo• Showup• Sharewhatwe’dliketofocusonormovetoward• Agreeonwherewe’llgofromthere• Applytheothertasksandprinciplestothebestofourabilityduringtheco-reflectionsession• Especiallyremembertocareforourrelationshipsaspeerandco-workers○ Keepthefocusonourownlearningandgrowth○ Don’tturnpeopleintotopicsofthediscussionortotalkaboutthemwithoutthem

• Ifwe’reofferingfeedback,offerwithrespectandshareourownvulnerability• Ifwe’rereceivingfeedback,listentoeachotherwithadesiretounderstandandawillingnesstolearn.

CRITERION13SCORE

1 2 3 4 5

RATINGSCALE Noobservablecommitmenttoco-supervision.Rarelyattendsco-reflection&/orblamesothersorgetsdefensiveratherthanself-reflecting

Someobservablecommitmenttoco-reflection;occasionallyattends&/ordemonstratessomewillingnesstogrowinrelationships

Observablecommitmenttoco-reflection.Attendsregularlyanddemonstratesclearinterestinrelationalgrowth.

Activelyparticipatesandusesco-reflectiontodeepenunderstandingof–andconnectionwith-selfandothers

Participatesinco-reflectioninaseamlessandintegratedmannerthatinspiresmutualgrowth,connectionandunderstanding.

EXAMPLE:SarahhasbeentalkingtoLisaforthelastcoupleofweeksandeachtimetheygettogether,LisatellsSarahshe’sdepressed.Sarahgoestoco-reflection

Lisaisadifficultpeer.She’salwayscomplainingandexpectingmetotakecareofher.Sheneedstoworkonthisinhertherapy.

Ifeelfrustratedbecauseofapeer’sco-dependency.She’sgotsomuchpotential.HowcanIgethertoseethat?

I’ddon’tunderstandsomeoneI’vebeenworkingwith.I’dliketoknowwhatshewantsfromme

IrealizeI’vebeentryingto‘help’someoneelse‘getbetter’andit’sbasedonmyagenda.IwonderwhatIshoulddo-Ishouldgoapologizetoher?

I’vebeenprettyuncomfortable.SomeoneIknowhashadsomereallylowfeelingsforseveralweeksnow.I’mscaredaboutwhatmighthappen.I’mnotsurehowtocareforourrelationship.Cananyonerelatetothis?What’syourexperience?

OUTCOME Notopenoravailabletonewlearningsononoccurs.

Fullyopenandavailabletolearnwithothers;inspiresco-learningandeveryonelearnstogether

CRITERION14:

DEMONSTRATESIPSINALLRELATIONSHIPSANDCONTEXTS,LEADINGTOPERSONALANDSOCIALCHANGE.

IPSDIMENSION IntegrativePractice:Personal&SocialChange

DESCRIPTION • PracticestheIPStasksandprinciplesinalllifedimensionsandcontexts(e.g.,co-workers,family,friends,atthegrocerystore,withthereceptionistatthedoctor’soffice,outinthecommunity)-notjustinserviceorpaidrelationships

• What’sbeenlearnedcarriesoverandcreateschangesinnon-workareasoflife• Long-standingrelationalpatternsanddifficultieschangeasaresultoflearningandgrowthinIPS• Othersnoticechanges,remarkonthem,andbegintoengagerelationshipondeeperlevel• Othersactivelyexpressinterestinrelationalchangeandbegintotakeinitiativetolearnandgrowrelationally

PRACTICETIPS

• Ideally,ourIPSpracticeisliving,breathingandever-responsivetorelationshipinthepresentmoment.• Wecantellwhenwe’rereally“getting”IPSbecausewefindourselvesusingiteverywhere–notjustinatworkorinco-supervision.

• ThereisnosetorrightwaytopracticeIPSinanygivensituation.Rather,ourappreciationofthepossibilitiesforpracticingIPSgrowsanddeepensasourunderstandingdevelops.

• OurIPSpracticespeaksforitself–wedon’tneedtopreachittoothers.Ifwe’rereally‘doingIPS’,ourrelationshipswillshowtheresults.

CRITERION14SCORE

1 2 3 4 5

RATINGSCALE NoapparentawarenessoruseofIPS

UsesIPSasa“toolorstrategy”for“managing”guests/servicerecipients

DrawsonIPSpracticesandprinciplestobuildauthenticrelationshipswithservicerecipients

DrawsonIPSexperiencestobuildauthenticrelationshipsinmultipleareasoflife

WayoflivingoutIPSpracticesandprinciplesineverydaylifeinspiresotherstoreflectontheirwaysofrelatingandmakechangesthatenrichconnectionandmutualityforallconcerned.

Sarah“helps”Lisawithher“problems”andthencomplainsaboutLisatoco-workersandothersinherlife

Sarah“usesIPSonLisa,”observes“betterresults”andthenreportstoco-workersthatIPSisagreattoolforbehaviormanagement.

SarahandLisadevelopconnectionaroundsharedexperienceofbigfeelingsandwheretheywouldliketheirrelationshiptogofromhere

SarahandLisabothreflectontheirpatternsofrelationship,whichleadstopositivechangesinthewaySarahrelatestoherfamilyandhowLisarespondstocriticismfromherbossatwork.

OthersinSarah’sanLisa’slivesnoticethechangesinthem,andbegintoreflectontheirownwaysofrelating.

OUTCOME Traditionalhelpingdynamicsandoutcomesareperpetuatedatgreatcosttoallconcerned.

GrowthinIPScreatesrippleeffectthroughmultiplerelationshipandlifecircles,layingthegroundworkforsocialandculturalchange,authenticconnectionandtruecommunity

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