loving more through love languages by jody capehart
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Loving More through Love
Languagesby Jody Capehart
First Friday October 5, 2012
www. jodycapehart.com
Head of School at Grace Academy of
North Texas
What is “Love”?
Love is a many splendored thing
• Love is the most used word• Love is the most abused word• Love is the most desired word• Love is the most confused word, So, “What is love?”
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I believe there are layers to how each of us process and learn which reveals how we are
uniquely created by God!
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Personalities: DISC Model
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Personality Inslghts
Personalities!Dynamic Donna Fun Loving Feebie
Conscientious Connie, Perfectionist Patty
Steady Sandy
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We learn differently…
• Are you a Visual Vi?
• Are you an Auditory Audrey?
• Are you a Tactual Tina?
• Are you a Kinesthetic Karen?
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How do you process information?
Are you a Concrete Sequential Connie? Do you need things to be
organizedsequentialpredictable
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Are you a…
Global Gladys?• Analytic Al?
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I pondered….
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Because, you see, I have assessments such as…
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My Story
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“Just 5 easy questions, dear!”
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Question:“What fills up your
love tank?”
• Words of affirmation?• Quality time?• Giving and receiving gifts?• Acts of service?• Physical touch?
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Fill ‘er up please!
Keeping the love tank full! Just 5 easy questions. How hard can this be? I
had a captive audience…..
25 20 15 10 5 5 10 15 20 25
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Turning point in MY life!
Was blind, but now I see!
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These are the 5 Love Languages:
• Words of affirmation• Quality time• Giving and receiving gifts• Acts of service• Physical touch
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Love Language # 1 “Talking”
Words of Affirmation
• “The tongue has the power of life and death.” (Proverbs 18:21)
• Words are powerful communicators of love.
• The word encourage means to inspire courage.
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Encouraging Words
• For your mate• For your child• For your parents• For your friends• For your co-workers• For your boss• For those you don’t like so
much….18
Words of Affirmation are:
Words that convey empathy Words of kindness Words of encouragement
Words of forgiveness
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Lookin’ for the Signs:• They encourage others easily,
naturally, and sincerely. • Their ‘inner flower’ wilts when
they are around negative people.
• Their ‘inner flower’ blooms and they lit up when they are encouraged.
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and, of an empty love tank
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Story of the Babbling Brook and The Dead Sea
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Kids “Talking” Today
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# 2: Quality Time
My Report card:
F
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What they need:
Love is spelled T-I-M-E! • Focused attention• Being together• Quality conversation• Eye-contact
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Multi-tasking Cell phone interruptions
Watching TV Texting
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The irony…. I was giving “Gifts of Time”
to my children without even realizing it…
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I needed to fill up my husband’s “TIME” Love Tank:
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• Giving gifts• Receiving gifts• Gifts are visual symbols of
love• Gifts that showed you were
thinking of the other person
• Not the value but the thought and time taken
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#3: Giving and Receiving Gifts
What are some signs?
They give meaningful gifts
They delight in the tiniest of “gifts” if they believe they reflect you were thinking of them.
As children, they make you presents.
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What drains the Token Tank?
Gifts without meaning Presents without their presence Disagreements about $
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A true story about a big anniversary:
Both loved each other She wanted… He gave… He wanted… She gave… Both came home with empty love tanks
even though they really loved each other. Sad tale but ever so true.
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# 4: Acts of Service
• Up and beyond the norm• Doing the unexpected• Serving without being asked• “Requests give direction to
love, but demands stop the flow of love.”
(Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman page 92)
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To whom do we serve?
• Mates• Children• Friends• Neighbors• Co-workers• Those in need• Those who can never
do anything back for us.
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Signs of the Love Language of “Acts of Service”
• They love helping others• They “light up” when you do something for
them• They “shut down” when acts of service are
not present36
#5 is: Physical Touch
Physical touch can make or break a relationship. It can communicate love…
or hate.
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Signs of the Love Language of Touch:
• In a child • In a teen• In an adult• In a marriage • In older people
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Testimony TimeHe said, “In our dating, I had
always taken the initiative on kissing and hugging. She was always responsive.
After we got married, she never wanted anything physical. I took it personally. I felt rejected, unwanted, and unloved. I withdrew completely.
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The other side of the story…• She said, “When we were
dating, I thought all the physical affection was how he showed me he loved me.
• After we got married, it seemed that all he could think about was sex. Did he love me, or just my body? Did he want to spend time with me or just have sex?
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God is always ‘right on’!
“This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” (Ephesians 5:32-33 ESV)
Suggested Reading: Ephesians 5
For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn
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Wrapping it up with an easy way to remember:
Talking: Words of AffirmationTime: Quality TimeTowel: Acts of ServiceTokens: Giving and Receiving GiftsTouch: Appropriate Physical Touch
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What is your love language?
Talk? Time? Towel? Tokens or Touch?
• “I feel most loved when…
• We usually love others in our love language and feel most loved when it is returned in the same language.
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How to tell the Love Language of others:
• Look for how your loved one shows love.
• If you aren’t sure, love in one language for a week at a time and watch how the person responds.
• Look for signs of what fills up their “Love Tank”
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How to best love those with the Love Language of “Words of
Affirmation”
• Communicate: Kind Words Positive, affirming words
• Do: Send encouraging notes
• Avoid: Critical words
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How to best love those with the Love Language of “Quality Time”
• Communicate: One-on-one time Without interruptions
• Do: Spend time together
• Avoid: Times apart Spending too much time time with others
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• Communicate: Action words: I will! What else can I do?
• Do: Help with chores
• Avoid: Not doing your part or waiting to be asked
How to best love those with the Love Language of
“Acts of Service”
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How to best love those with the Love Language of “Giving and Receiving Gifts”
• Communicate: You are thinking of them
• Do: Give gifts for special times and also, just because you are thinking of them
• Avoid: Forgetting special and significant dates
How to best love those with the Love Language of “Physical Touch”
• Communicate: Lots of non-verbals
• Do: Touch often, lovingly, and appropriately
• Avoid: Physical neglect or abuse
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Look for the signs…
If you are married:
What does your spouse do or fail to do that hurts you most deeply?
What have you most requested of your spouse?
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What not to do:
• Withhold love in their love language when you are angry with them
• For children: use their love language to punish them for disobedience
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Remember…• Love is a choice.• Choose to give love outside
of your love language because you love someone and want them to know it!
• “Love doesn’t erase the past but it makes the future different.”
Dr. Gary Chapman
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Resources: Love Languages Books by
Gary Chapman:
1. The Five Love Languages for Couples
2. Love Languages for Children
3. Love Languages for Teens
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Books by Jody
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If I can be of service to you, your women’s ministry, church or school, you may contact me at:
Jody Capehart
jody.capehart@verizon.net 214-597-2904 www.jodycapehart.com www.schoolwhisperer.com
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