manage difficult conversations to successful outcomes_shem cohen

Manage Difficult Conversations to Successful Outcomes

- Shem Cohen, M.S.O.D.

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1. Preparation (seconds-to-weeks)

- Background, learn what you can learn - Get clear on desired outcome(s) - Understand other, the relationship & context - Be aware of own emotional triggers , create an ‘anchor’ to help stay centered 2. Real-Time Self Management - Goal Directed, Future Focus - Centered - Open, Keenly Aware • information, emotion

- Interpersonal Connection - Nimble

Two Skill Sets Needed:

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1. Be clear on goals before diving in

What results do I want from this conversation?

- Situation Outcomes - Other Party Outcomes (learning, action, feelings) - Future Relationship/Quality

What leverage do I have? - Strategic - Behavioral

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Leverage:

Strategic - Position /Rationale - History - Facts / Data

Behavioral - Human Connection - Validate Another’s Reality - Model Rationality and Responsibility - Set Boundaries, Exert Power Respectfully - Invite Learning & Opportunity to Make Something Better

Stand side-by-side looking at the concern, versus at each other

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Behavioral Leverage: Understand Other & Basic Human Needs

Self-Esteem

Fairness

Safety

Goal – Rational and Productive Conversation • Hit one of these triggers and one invites emotional response, greater chaos • Validate/Support these and one invites interpersonal connection & partnership

How does this person/conversation make me feel about myself?

Is this a fair assessment? Am I being treated fairly?

What’s my Risk? Possibilities to survive/thrive ?

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2. Understand Other, the Relationship & Larger Context

• Goals • Interests • Values • Position • Skills • Behavior • Leverage

• Goals • Interests • Values • Position • Skills • Behavior • Leverage

Self Other

The Relationship • Purpose, Dependency/Interdependency • Power Balance • Desired Future

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3. Be aware of own emotional triggers; create an ‘anchor’ to help stay centered

Difficult Conversation? Allowing oneself to get thrown off center by own emotional triggers is like cliff diving and not knowing where the rocks are.

Create your own ‘centering’ tool - Write an acronym or draw an image someplace visible as an anchor to keep a guiding value front and center (“Balcony View”… “Like wind through a tree”… “Outcome Focused”… “Listen”…)

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REAL TIME SELF-MANAGEMENT Goal Directed, Future Focus • Keep Focus on CO-LEARNING, SOLUTIONS… with ORIENTATION towards The FUTURE

Stay Centered • Breathe • Keep BIG PICTURE in mind, AWARE of own body signals, STRATEGY to manage emotions

Stay Open, Keenly Aware - information, emotions

Develop Interpersonal Connection • Set boundaries/exert power responsibly, respectfully • Most people want to do the ‘right’ things, want to be fair, want to add value. - Invite them to do so -

Stay Nimble - open to innovative ideas and to negotiate realities

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When we see others stay centered and act responsibly & respectfully, we are most often inspired to do the same.

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Managing difficult conversations well demands that WE take responsibility for bringing rationality, connection and respect to the table, and to stay congruent in action

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To Stay Centered…

Keep GOALS & BIG PICTURE in mind

BREATHE

PAUSE

and continuously ask oneself,

“What outcome am I seeking?” “What am I doing that’s getting in my own way?”

- Peter Block

Allow challenges, attacks, irrational or negative behavior to be...

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Intently navigate towards learning, connection and solutions

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Difficult conversations are opportunities to practice Self Mastery… & to be truly at our best

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Shem Cohen, M.S.O.D. Helping Leaders to Align, Focus and Energize Organizations

scohen@changeevents.com www.linkedin.com/in/shemcohen

Meet Shem Cohen:

http://www.slideshare.net/shemcohen/meet-shem-cohen- management-consultant-helping-leaders- to-align-focus-and-energize-organizations

www.changeevents.com

• High-Engagement Planning & Change • Executive Team Planning • M/A Integration; New Business Launch • Leadership Transitions • Employee & Stakeholder Engagement • Conflict Resolution - Diplomacy & Mediation • Develop Culture of Engagement and Action

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