managing the unmanageable

Managing The UnmanageableToday’s Afternoon Breakout

S O U T H W E S T A R I Z O N A H U M A N R E S O U R C E A S S O C I A T I O N

Thursday, October 19, 2017

LEE SILBERleesilber@leesilber.com

Managing theUnmanageableAfternoon Breakout

Don’t the most difficult people to deal with act like petulant children

trapped in adult bodies?L E E S I L B E R

Managing theUnmanageableAfternoon Breakout

HR ProfessionalsJust like regular people,

only nicer.W H A T M Y W I F E S A Y S

LET IT GO

Things aren’t as important as they seem in the moment

Hanging onto resentment is letting someone you despise live rent-free in your head.

A N N L A N D E R S

FEELING ITWhat People Really Want—It’s Not What You Think

IT’S NOT ABOUT THE MONEY

People want to feel appreciated, respected, valued, included, remembered, listened to . . .

Remember when we were poor?

People don’t care how much you know until they know how much

you care about them.Z I G Z I G L A R

HOOKED ON A FEELING

What everyone wants and is chasing is a feeling.

I’VE LEARNED THAT PEOPLE WILL FORGET

WHAT YOU SAID, PEOPLE WILL FORGET WHAT YOU

DID, BUT PEOPLE WILL NEVER FORGET HOW YOU

MADE THEM FEEL.—MAYA ANGELOU

Make sure everybody counts and they know that they count.

L E E S I L B E R

Acknowledge even the smallest achievements.

L E E S I L B E R

MEREDITHWHITNEYMade Forbes List of 50 Most Powerful Women

I know this sounds silly, but I didn’t get any recognition at my

firm—not even a pizza party.M E R E D I T H W H I T N E Y

WHAT’S IN A NAME?

It’s a small thing that makes a big difference.

Find small ways to create memorable moments.

L E E S I L B E R

The message being sent today is “We don’t care about you”.

U S A T O D A Y

THANK YOU

Two words with so much power

Pew! Pew! Pew! That’s the sound of me deflecting your whining

with my happiness shield.U N K N O W N

IT’S NOT YOU

We can’t change people . . .

We can’t mind control people to like us and treat us well, yet . . .

Someday they’ll be an app for that.

L E E S I L B E R

Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain.

D A L E C A R N E G I E

Positive thinking will help you do anything better than negative

thinking will.Z I G Z I G L A R

Stress and anxiety spread because people pick up on negativity

like second hand smoke.U N K N O W N

If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do

more, and become more, you are a leader.

U N K N O W N

I FIND THAT SHOWING MY PEOPLE HOW TO BEHAVE IS

BETTER THAN TELLING THEM HOW TO

—JOHN PAUL DeJORIA

What you put out you get back.O P R A H

LOVING ITFinding Joy on the Job

If you won millions of dollars in the lottery, would you still

show up for work?L E E S I L B E R

• If money were no object I would . . .

HAVE A BALL

Turn the job you have into the job you want.

L E E S I L B E R

UNHAPPY?

UNHAPPY?• Don’t feel their ideas and input are valued

• Don’t feel challenged and their talents are wasted

• Don’t feel appreciated or respected* What people complain about most related to their unhappiness at work.

Things that tell the truth: Small children, drunk people,

and yoga pants.T H E T R U T H

YOUR JOBTake This Job and . . .

Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a

support group for that. It’s called everybody, and we meet at a

bar down the street.D R E W C A R E Y

LET GOLet Go Of Unrealistic Expectations

If you have a job without any aggravations, you don’t

have a job.M A L C O L M F O R B E S

IDEAL DAY

How would you describe a perfect work day?

When you love your job, you add five days to every week.

H . J A C K S O N B R O W N E

Our study showed happy people are much more productive.

F A S T C O M P A N Y

Stephen KingHE PUTS HIS HEART INTO IT

HAPPY?

Happiness is . . .

Happiness is an attitude. We either make ourselves

miserable, or happy. F R A N C E S C A R E I G L E R

It’s doesn’t pay to keep up with the Joneses.

L E E S I L B E R

It’s not always possible to do what you love, but it is possible to find

ways to love what you do.L E E S I L B E R

Take a picture of the small things that make you happy.

HAPPY HOUR

The problem with the rat race is even if you win, you’re still a rat.

L I L Y T O M L I N

LOVE ITHATE ITThe Work Remains The Same

SEEING ITHaving Hope For The Future

9 = 8Nine men playing hard and playing together for an entire season will get one of the eight playoff spots. The Rays went from last to first place in one year.

They made the playoffs . . . and World Series.

J O E M A D D O N

THE VISION

The mission should not be top secret—share it

We have what it takes to take what you’ve got.

I N T E R N A L R E V E N U E S E R V I C E

• I don’t want to look stupid

• I don’t want to fail

• I don’t want to get hurt

REAL FEAR

A VISIONSTATEMENTA vision for the future reduces your fear of it

THE FUTURE LOOKS LIKE

WORDS AND PICTURES

THE ENDGOAL

Connect the dots to how their hard helps them reach their goals

How will you take advantage of trends in HR?

HR TRENDS

Automation, Wearables, Virtual and Augmented Reality, Artificial Intelligence, Increased Productivity

BEING ITGenerations, Gender, and Genetics

Keep the people who hate you away from the people who

are undecided.C A S E Y S T E N G E L

DIFFICULT PEOPLE

There’s actually several different types of difficult people.

Laziness can be situational or a lasting trait. At best, this person will do just enough to get by. The key for the slacker is responsibility and accountability.

I’M “BUSY”

This person is often late, neglegtful, or not there at all—physically, mentally, or both—causing others to have to cover for them. Give them a (good) reputation to live up to.

MAYBE LATER

Feels a strong sense of duty, responsibility, and puts the needs of others first—yet craves positive reinforcement and works harder when he gets it.

YOU FIRST

I’M BORED This person is easily board and actually enjoys drama—creating it or being a part of it. They need excitement and tension to feel alive. Find a way to create that with their work.

Excuses, excuses. Blames everything on everyone else—and everything else, like a computer or or a printer. Be clear and hold them accountable.

NOT MY FAULT

Demands respect and recognition. In his mind he asks, “What’s in it for me?” and “So what?” The key is to connect the dots to show the benefits . . . to him.

KNOW WHO I AM?

DID YOU HEAR?Loves to gossip and complain about people and problems but is less interested in finding solutions. Demands respect but doesn’t often give it. Ask them for ideas instead of complaints.

Does not volunteer for anything and doesn’t like to take onresponsibility. Usually eats alone and prefers to work alone. Have a way everyone can submit ideas and be heard.

TOO SHYHUSH HUSH

Gets excited about new ideas but loses interest in the planning and follow through phase. Listen to their ideas and strike while the iron is hot.

I’VE GOT AN IDEA

Knows everyone (and let’s you know he knows everyone) and thrives on connecting people to get things done—so let him. Set limits on rudeness.

I KNOW A GUY

Independent, organized, and determined. Will work tirelessly if others work according to her plan. This person is at their best when they can take the lead.

I’VE GOT A PLAN

The perfectionist. Nothing is ever good enough or done to thier high standards. Hard deadlines helps the perfectionist start and (finally) finish a project.

NOT QUITE RIGHT

Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The

troublemakers. The ones who see things differently. While some

may see them as the crazy ones, we see them as genius. Because

the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.

—STEVE JOBS

Appreciate our differences and take advantage of each generation’s strength.

L E E S I L B E R

IT’S THE WEGENERATION

Finding Ways to Get Generations toWork Together For a Common Goal

As a product of playdates, positive reinforcement, diversity, abundance, and technology, they collaborate, communicate, and expect good things to happen quickly.

They are the “Latch-Key” generation so they are comfortable working alone and making up their own rules. They embrace technology (98% use Facebook) but still value tangible things—they will print out manuals.

The first “Me” generation and a group that believes they deserve it all. They judge success based on status, and respect others for their past accomplishments.

They long for the past and find comfort in repetition and routine. They believe in structure, rules, and tradition. They revisit old ideas to come up with “new” ones.

RESPECT

The thing everyone wants and needs is . . .

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

LISTENSILENT

Listen and silent have the same exact letters.

• “Time and space are keys to handling difficult situations with difficult people. Step away to clear your head and collect your thoughts, think things through, and decide on the best next steps .” —ANDREA SILBER, HR MANAGER

• “Perspective. What I’ve learned to do over the years is to see things from the employee’s perspective to better understand where they are coming from and how to have difficult discussions.” —ED HOFFMAN, HR EXPERT

Allow people to work with their natural tendencies.

TENDENCIES

Perfect or Imperfect?

One Alarm or Three?

Conformist or Non-Conformist?

No Protective Case or Protective Case?

Under or Over?

Don’t let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.

J O H N W O O D E N

Put people in a position to succeed.

STRENGTHS

The easier something is to do, the more likely

people will do it.S T E V E N C O V E Y

SOLVING ITFocus on Ideas and Solutions

You’re not the boss of me.W H A T M Y 1 0 Y E A R - O L D S O N S A I D

You work for yourself even when you work for others. You are the owner of your career and your job—it’s not your job, it’s your business.

The Boss

If you have time to complain about something then you have the time

to do something about it.A N T H O N Y J . D ’ A N G E L O

If everyone thought like an entrepreneur there would be a lot less whining and a lot more doing.

L E E S I L B E R

SOLUTIONS

Focus on finding solutions others miss

Brainstorming wasn’t just “Lip Service” for this school administrator

The best ideas can come from the frontline workers.

U N D E R C O V E R B O S S

Connect the dots between what you do and how the other person

benefits from what you do. L E E S I L B E R

LAST WORDSWhat You Do Makes a Difference

W A R R E N Z E V O N

Sometimes when you’re doing simple things around the house you’ll think of me and smile.

TOASTYou Make a Difference

THANK YOU

Thank you for being a friend

W W W . L E E S I L B E R . C O M

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